A key aspect of being in a romantic relationship is honesty. You have to open up to someone and let them in, see all sides of your life, know the parts of your past that no one else does. You can't have a relationship with secrets anymore than you can have a house with locked doors.
Reddit user, u/throw212awaay, shared his story about one of those times when a door was opened for him and asked for advice:
I have been dating the most amazing woman for the past year and a half. I have been in puppy love before, the kind where they're all you can think about and you smile when you think of them - and we have that too- but she has also brought to me the joy of being together but not together (that magnificent way you can just be and be alone in the same room- her reading a book, me doing a project) and really knowing someone (knowing how her mouth crinkles when she thinks, the way the rain makes her feel,all the stories of her childhood, all the little stuff that makes her a person ). At least I thought I did.
I was shopping for a ring and had been dropping hints that made her smile and we would plan this little suburban life- a deck with a grill, a goofy puppy, a piano. We talked about baby names and vetoed ones, we have the joke names Trevor and Trevina. We'd pick out paint colors and flooring at Lowe's and giggle like idiots. I was 100% confident, I just hadn't chosen a ring, you know,she didn't want a diamond but didn't know what she does want.
Then I got a fb message today from some guy. He said that he was her brother-in-law and that she had blocked him on fb but could I please pass along a wedding invite and it would mean a lot if she was there.
I pressed for more details and it all came out. She was married before to a guy named Brendan and they had a little boy, Sam- she told me before she didn't like that name. The son died in a car accident and afterwards They had an ugly divorce and she cut ties. 5 years of her life, I never knew about and I don't know if I ever would've. I think she was never going to tell me.
I've felt sick about this all day. Made up an imaginary sickness to sit and think by myself and I feel paralyzed by it. This morning I knew her and now I don't. I don't even know how to bring this up or what. I definitely can't go buy the ring and pretend. At the same time, I want to be with. I am hurt but know that was horrible, that she went through something unimaginable but I don't know what that means for us. Am I just a distraction? Is this something she does?
I just don't know. Help?
tl;dr I(30m) just found out my girlfriend(28) of a year+ had a whole life I knew nothing about, right as I've been ring shopping. This life includes a first marriage and a child who passed away. i am stunned.. Advice?
Start The Honesty Train
GiphyShow her the message, and gently ask her about it.
Losing a child is awful and everyone mourns in their own way. Perhaps she would have told you after you guys were officially engaged. Or when you were going to seriously try for a baby.
It's not about you, OP, and I really doubt you are just a distraction. You still know her.
Seriously, stop thinking about it, and just talk to her.
Maybe It Was Nothing
GiphyI think you may be slightly overreacting.
It sounds like she had a pretty tough, emotional time that maybe she isn't ready to share with anyone.
Just because you were in ring shopping mode, doesn't mean she has to talk to you about her deepest emotional feelings of loss. I mean, imagine - you've lost your child and then your marriage falls apart, that's life changing.
I suggest you mention it and see what comes of the conversation. I doubt she was trying to hide anything from you.
Reflect On Your Choices
Giphyshe told me before she didn't like that name
Completely understandable after what happened, and I'm 100% positive she would never want any of her future kids to be called that name.
Anyway, you need to talk to her about this. Don't make it about you e.g. by asking things like 'why didn't you tell me? How could you not mention this to me'.
Her past contains a lot of hurt, and shutting it out of her life is one way to get over it and move on (same like everyone here recommends to go no contact after a breakup).
Ask yourself this. If your gf had told you all of this herself earlier in your relationship, would it have been a big deal and would you still love her and want to be there for her?
If the answer is yes, you would want to still be with her, then you need to work on how to be understanding.
If you can show her that you still love, support and trust her, even when you know her deepest, darkest secrets, then your relationship will only grow stronger.
Don't Be Another Pity Party
You need to sit and talk to her.
You also need to keep in mind that when a parent loses a child everyone they know (close and distant) will feel sorry/pity them. Maybe your the one person in her life who doesn't look at her with pity in their eyes. Doesn't skirt around certain issues.
Like it or not certain occurrences forever alter how we interact with people and for once she just wanted something normal, something she had before the loss of everything.
She could have also had bad reactions from past partners when she told them this and she didn't want to jeopardise what you had. Then the longer she left it the harder it became to bring up.
There's also the third option that's she denying it ever happened, even to herself. Its a known coping mechanism. If that is the one she is using then it will eventually catch up with her. You can never outrun your past, as you're seeing now.
It's not right to lie for so long to someone you plan to spend your life with but in this case it is understandable. No one can understand how it feels to loose a child unless you have lost one yourself.
Be kind when you raise the issue. Don't allow any temper into the conversation and allow her to get it out as she needs to. Please don't force her to answer all your questions unless she is ok to do so.
Remember, It's Only Half About You
GiphyAm I just a distraction? Is this something she does?
This is extremely concerning to me. Why would you think this? You think this is about you? Is this something she does?? What, have a kid, that kid dies and then she has a horrible divorce? Yeah, I'm sure that's just "what she does". Jeez dude. I know you're shocked, but take a step back for a minute.
Think It Through
Okay, this is the sort of deception you can work through with help, given that we all understand that a loss of a child will, well, f-ck you up for lack of a better turn of phrase. I can understand wanting to lock that away from yourself, which it seems like she did.
Take the space you need to approach this rationally, since it seems like you haven't talked to her. From there, you can evaluate if this is workable or not.
Be Prepared For The End
GiphySome people go through something so traumatic that they need a restart in life.
Move to a new place, make new friends, make new love, and block out the past.
The death of a child definitely counts as one of these. She obviously does NOT want to think about this, or deal with it at the moment.
I'd be very careful on how you broach the subject with her. If you go after her angry or as a victim don't be surprised at being dropped. You need to get over your hurt feelings and think about this from her point of view.
[usernamedeleted]
Maybe Let It Go?
GiphyOn one hand I can see why your is steamed OP.
On the other I can see a mother who's life imploded in the worst possible way and likely has no desire to relive those event again in any way.
I'm a parent and I can't even comprehend what it would be like to lose my child. I can't even try and think of what that would feel like.
I wouldn't confront her about this. I would pass on the invitation, I would let her know that I would be willing to listen, and hold her, if she wants to share her past. I would also have a question, Will her past impact our future or is there anything we/you/me could do to help ensure it doesn't?
Some People Just Need To Run Away
Oh, man. What a situation.
You are probably not a distraction, and this is probably not "something she does." This is not okay, not by a long shot, but it could honestly be that she was hoping to just outrun the grief. To not have it be part of her anymore.
When you go through something awful, it's a lot easier, sometimes, to only be around people that don't know about it. Rudyard Kipling even wrote a poem that talks about this--the lines
There is knowledge God forbid / More than one should own
always suggested to me something that I learned as a teenager--sometimes when people know you've been through Hell, when they look at you, Hell is all they see. It holds you there. It makes it really hard to outgrow the horrors of the where-you've-been, when you can see it reflected in people's eyes.
So...from my perspective this was probably not an attempt at manipulation, but instead an attempt to just...not be that person anymore. Not be the grieving mother, not be the injured ex-wife, not be the divorcee whose marriage and relationship with family was shattered (even now, her ex-brother-in-law wants her company! That does not tell me that she is a bad person).
That does not, however, make it okay. Not when the two of you are talking about marriage. She should have told you when you started talking about rings and baby names, and you're not wrong to feel conflicted and maybe a bit angry and hurt about it. Stunned, absolutely.
My advice would be to sit her down and to tell her that her brother-in-law got in touch with you. Don't accuse, don't shout, don't get angry, just tell her that you were told to pass on a wedding invitation, and see how she responds to that. Be calm.
Does knowing that she has lived through this grief make you less likely to want to marry her? Does knowing that she bore and lost a child make you less likely to want to have children with her?
H/T: Reddit
Curious to hear about some of the more ominous events experienced by strangers online, Redditor IM_Not_A_Robot_10110 asked:
"What have you witnessed that will haunt you forever?"
What happens inside hospitals are full of trauma and heartache, even medical professionals have a hard time processing what they encounter.
The Pediatric Patient
"X-ray tech here, but I was a student at the time. Called to ER for trauma code. Only know it's a pediatric patient. The terror as I walk around the corner and see it's a little boy, same size as my son. We go to take an x-ray and he's making this high pitched shrill wheezing noise. They couldn't intubate enroute so we were doing a chest/neck to see what was going on. His neck was full of air."
"Come to find out the story later, he had tripped and fallen in school and his neck went square on a desk and he had broken his trachea. Believe he was stabilized & flown out. Never found out what happened after."
– ZephyrGrace
Calling Time Of Death
"ER nurse. This won’t haunt me in a bad way, but it’ll stick with me for sure. We were coding a middle aged lady we knew was going to die. We were pulling out the last ditch stuff hoping we’d get lucky, but everyone knew which way it was going."
"Family was there and in the room. When it was clear we had run through all the Hail Marys and it was time to call it, the husband spoke up for the first time. He had apparently been an EMT for a long time so he knew what he was looking at. He said he was going to do the final round of compressions."
"It was very respectfully done. He got up to do his 2 minutes, the nurses quietly started turning things off so there wouldn’t be continuous alarms, we called for a pulse check which the husband did, then we called time of death. He was thankful we let him do that and I was thankful to be a part of it."
– pause_and_consider
Missing Jaw
"Not me, but my roommates fiancé is a flight nurse. She told me this story around Easter."
"They showed up to a scene being told beforehand that there was a patient with a gun shot wound and bleeding bad but that’s all they were told. When they got there they found a woman who was sitting on the ambulance gurney completely lucid and looking around, completely missing her lower jaw. She said you could see down her throat and she looked like a zombie. Her lower jaw was hanging to the side by some tissue and when she looked about it swung around and dangled. She said the woman seemed relatively calm and when she tried to speak what was left of her tongue kinda moved but nothing but gurgles came out."
"It was not a suicide, her boyfriend accidentally discharged his firearm while they were in his car."
"She survived."
– New_Hand_Luke
AIDS Epidemic Era
"Retired RN. I was working in the PACU and helped another nurse take her patient to his room. As I was adjusting something by his head, he grabbed my hand and started crying. He kept saying I don’t want to die. He was barely 20. In an isolation room. I looked into his eyes and tried to comfort him as he sobbed. This was in the early days of the 'AIDS epidemic.' He died within a week. To this day I still see his eyes and hear him sobbing."
– Tkay906363
Traffic accidents can be some of the most gruesome scenes no one should ever have to witness.
Accident Victim
"I live next to a busy street, inbetween lanes is a tram station. Teenager wanted to cross and got run over by a tram. Well, partly run over, he ended up with his body squeezed in between the tram and the tram station wall, with his legs stuck under the tram. It took about 1,5 hours until they had the equipment to lift the tram to get him out of there. They managed to reanimate what was left of him but he died in the hospital."
– ir_blues
Dangerous Road
"It was Easter Sunday about 5 in the afternoon. I was driving home from the lake with a friend of mine on a country highway that’s pretty well traveled. It’s one of those single lane coming and single lane going where the speed limit is 70 roads. The intersections are far and few between so instead of an overpass it’s just a blinking yellow caution light. In what literally felt like the blink of an eye the car driving in front of me is struck on the drivers side door."
"The impact pushes both cars off to the road and onto the shoulder. I hit my brakes and was able to stop to help render aid. My friend and I get out of the car and run over to help. The drivers side door is crushed inward, driver has been pushed into the passenger side. It was a younger lady, maybe mid 30s. The impact pushed her out of her seat and into her daughter."
"You ever see movies where a dead body jump scares someone and it just stares at the with wide eyes and mouth agape….. yeah. The girl is ok but very confused. She has no visible injuries and is freely looking around so we unbuckled her and pulled her out of the car so she didn’t realize her mom was laying on her. As we do it I look at the mom and I can see a little life is left in her, so I said the only thing we could say. 'She’s alright.'”
"You could see the light in her eyes fade and she passes away. More cars stop and help out. As more people are here to help I start to realize that someone has been screaming, at me. In the back seat is her son. He must have been knocked unconscious and he’s now yelling, not out in pain but asking 'Is mom okay, is she okay?' I had no words for him, he was maybe 6. His sister was about 9. Thankfully about 4 of the cars that stopped were off duty first responders so they quickly took over for me. This was about 20 years ago, I was 17 at the time and I just saw a mom die in front of her 2 kids. I’m crying now thinking back on it and to this day I still refuse to ever take that road again."
"They finally build an actual stop light a couple years back. The area isn’t more crowded so I can only imagine what the motivation to improve that intersection was."
– Boothulu
Pedestrians
"I was designated driver at my friend's 30th birthday party. Had just dropped off my last friend and I was heading home. Little blue car zipped by me going maybe 10 over. Maybe a block ahead of me I see the speeding car hit two 20 yr olds who were running across the street. They were running to McDonald's across from the nightclub they were partying at and didn't wait for a red light. I'll never forget the girls blond hair in the bright headlights as she got hit. One thing that isn't ever correct in tv shows when people get hit by cars is how much damage it does to a human body. I distinctly remember his legs laying like 2m from his body. Both died right when paramedics got there."
– SuchAGeoNerd
PTSD
"Getting hit by a car really is ugly. My girlfriend accidentally stepped on the street while we were having a minor disagreement and bam she was gone in a moment. I have ptsd, I can still see all the blood, her trying to breathe and the moment she gave up."
– More-Masterpiece-561
You never know when a friend or acquaintance is going through an extremely rough time–even though they present themselves differently in public.
All we could ever be as fellow humans is to always be compassionate.
Prolonged Guilt
"I found my roommates body in our apartment when I was in college. He had suffocated himself with a helium tank and a plastic bag over his head. That fucked me up pretty good, especially because I knew he was struggling with his mental health. He was cutting himself too, he tried to hide it but I noticed. And I didn’t say a word, i didn’t offer a helping hand. I could have done something to help him, but I didn’t. That guilt is still there, 10 years down the line."
– Jon__Snuh
What The Taxi Driver Witnessed
"I was driving Taxi once and I picked up someone who said he thinks he just saw a dead body. Said someone had jumped from the top of the parking garage. There was already an ambulance and what not on the scene. I remember briefly thinking of my friend Willzo, but dismissed it, I didn’t even think he was depressed like that. I found it odd that I would even consider such a thing out of nowhere. But I dismissed the thought and went about my work night. Couple days later I got a call from a mutual friend. 'Hey buddy, did you hear about Will? He jumped off the parking garage a few days ago.'”
– Everywhere-Danger
These Redditors' stories are a lot to take in.
However, they are good reminders about the brevity of life and how we should always strive towards being the best versions of ourselves while we're still alive.
Because you never know when you or someone close to you will have their last breath.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
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RedditorHeavy-Strain32wanted to discuss the best ways to help a person suffering.
They asked:
"What's the most genuine thing you can say to a person going through depression?"
I always appreciate someone willing to cry with me. That is a big help. Just a suggestion.
Genuine
‘"It’s really difficult isn’t it.' I loved this line that my therapist said when I was sharing my struggles. There was no judgment, no advice, just felt like I was genuinely being heard."
xlOREOlx
Season 4 Hug GIF by Good GirlsGiphyBest Way
"This is like my favorite show of sympathy/empathy I've ever witnessed. Zuko hearing Sokka tell him about his girlfriend: "that's rough, buddy."
"Not saying sorry for your loss and putting the weight of saying 'it's ok' on the one experiencing the pain, no 'here's a relevant story of mine to show how I can relate' just..."
"'Sh*t man, the thing you went through was rough and you're justified for feeling this way.'"
Exodan
I miss that guy...
"My boss once said to me 'there's nothing wrong with what you're feeling - you're sick. And it's not something that's easy to live with. don't feel bad because you have an illness you can't fix - you wouldn't expect someone with cancer to feel bad, would you?' He then gave me a man hug and we had beers and a vent session for three hours. I miss that guy."
frothy_Wombat
Basics
“I’m grilling tonight, wanna come over?”
"Honestly, when I’ve been depressed there is a double layer of shame. Being treated as a friend just like any other made it feel like I was still part of society and community. Being treated with mittens makes you feel even more worthless and a pariah."
ThinkIGotHacked
Love
"I love you buddy. Friend of mine said it to me when I was struggling. It was instantly disarming of my bad thoughts and still resonates with me now. I find it hard to say myself though as I never really had a male role model growing up."
alidaf
Happy Season 3 GIF by FriendsGiphyAll great suggestions so far. Empathy is easy...
Possibilities
"Anything that isn't a variation of 'think positive.' The illness makes it literally impossible. I liked to hear that I still meant something to the people in my life, despite me not being able to give."
raxeira-etterath
Sacha Baron Cohen Thumbs Up GIF by Amazon Prime VideoGiphyThe Moments
"It's the hugs that don't even need said. At my last job I was in a dark place at the time and slipping back into depression. My blow up at work went from work issues to issues in my life and I didn't realize how far I went and my sauté guy held me. It's the most human moment I've had and it broke me in a good way. Sometimes just having a moment of that same feeling of connection, physical or not, can be what saves and/or helps that person."
Bfab94
no obligation...
"I’m not the best person to come to with these problems so when people around me do have that I always tell them the same thing, 'Want to go fishing? I’m bringing a grill and some charcoal.'"
2Agunsarearight
"We all get taken off guard, especially if you didn’t notice any changes in their behavior before. Often just a simple invite to hang out (no obligation) can be enough to remind somebody they aren’t alone and have a friend."
JakeFromFarmState1
“I understand”
"Lots of conflicting stuff here, because I’m seeing many suggest 'I understand' - but to me I hated hearing that. I always felt like 'no you don’t. You may know what it’s like to be in your own version of hell, but not mine.' For me, I think I always preferred those who said 'I want to try to understand' or just a simple 'love you' or 'want to hang out and not talk to each other at all and watch scrubs?'"
Iamdogfather
Simple
"I might not understand what you're going through, but I'm here for you and I love you."
tarkinlarson
I Love You GIF by Taylor SwiftGiphyWays to be there. Chapter One....
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Redditor koolxxxxxxxxwanted to compare notes on what is something that is not as sexy when you really think about it.
They asked:
"What's not as attractive as people think?"
So we have to rethink a few things about what is enticing to us. For me it's exercise. You?
Edits
"Photos edited past the point of recognition."
tiny_butt_toucher
"I can't believe so many people just get rid of all their wrinkles and skin tone it's so weird. I actually really like stuff like smile lines it just shows how someone is probably quite kind. :)"
beluuuuuuga
Face Estetica GIF by Dott. Cristina SartorioGiphyMouths
"Lip injections."
AnakinnTargaryen
"I swear it's like an epidemic in my country. Every single one has it or at least considers it, including myself. Many with a face beyond recognition. It doesn't help that it is not talked about enough and every single person on TV has at least 1ml of something in their mouth."
el_99
Bad Smarts
"Playing dumb to get attention. F-ing drives me nuts."
rcahelbug70
"I am a woman nearing 40. All my life I have heard men claim they like intelligent women but my experience tells me otherwise. Some men may like intelligent women sometimes but no man likes a woman smarter than them."
imdungrowinup
"I’m naturally blonde, so I have a game I like to play with anyone who is instantly condescending to me. Basically I play stupid, gradually removing IQ points by the question, until they realize I’m not stupid at all and baiting them. It pisses them off and makes my day a bit brighter."
TotallyUnnecessarry
Eye Roll
"Bragging about how many people you’ve slept with or how many people wanna sleep with you."
fcangirl
"I was on a train the other day and had to hear some guy rattle on to his friends about all the ethnicities/nationalities of women he's messed with for like 20 minutes before my stop. I could not roll my eyes any harder."
caffeinated_tea
"The way I see it is most of us are adults here and have done stuff with people previously. But that doesn't mean I'm going to go into all the nasty details of who what when where and how or even the why."
lyriumstone
Use the Moon
"The sun tan (usually fake) that makes people look like oranges."
Ezekku
Season 10 Episode 3 GIF by FriendsGiphyI will never understand the over tanning. You look like an alien.
Popular
"Being popular on social media."
halfmeasures611
"I find it so attractive when a guy has no social media presence."
procrastinatinq
Who Here Is On Social Season 3 GIF by TransparentGiphy"chasing"
"Completely unoriginal, but playing hard to get. I don't like 'chasing.' If you say no, I'm accepting a f**king no."
ThatRandomDev
"Yea dude, I was chasing a girl in college and she just kept saying no to dates, going to parties, just hanging out. A few months later I started seeing another girl, turned out to be her roommate and she flipped out because she had a crush on me. I was like wtf?"
Woah_man34
Where you going?
"Revving your car engine to the max. It’s annoying."
user100372
"Especially when you are just walking down the street, paying no mind to the road (obviously to where you're going), and out of nowhere someone just drives by and revs their engine to the max."
lavliex
"It's only acceptable when you're driving through a tunnel. The acoustics in them makes revved engines sound amazing."
Electrical_Age_336
I'm Choking
"Stop marinating in cologne and perfume. It makes me instantly dislike being around you."
throwingplaydoh
"I have a food delivery driver that bathes in perfume. I do contactless delivery so she just leaves the food outside, but I always know it was her because the smell when I open the door is still crazy strong. I feel like some people don't know how strong it is."
HereOnCompanyTime
LIES!!
"Burgers from fast food restaurants. They look much better in the ads."
Substantial-Hotel16
"The true catfish."
jmcatm0m16
burger king love GIFGiphyNot so Hot. Let's tone it down.
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RedditorVo_Lairwanted to compare notes about whose been handling the truth about history. And maybe why it's time to re-examine a few things.
They asked:
"What are some scary examples of 'history is written by the victors?'"
I think we're about to do a lot of learning. History has been riddled with fraud up until now.
Burn it All
homer simpson evidence GIFGiphy"There is a bunch of Chinese history that is pretty much speculation because whenever a new King would conquer places, pretty much the first move was always to burn all the records and kill the historians to establish dominance."
SMG329
Romans won...
"Carthaginian Civilization existed for well over 600 years. They controlled large parts of North Africa, Spain, Mediterranean Islands, and had trade networks going All over the Mediterranean and even explored the African coast. They were powerful enough to bring Rome to the brink of defeat in two massive wars. Romans won, and as a result, not a single Carthaginian primary source exists."
DaemonT5544
Bad Guys
"WW1. Germany especially are always seen as the bad guys and in western films like Wonder Woman for example, that’s especially the case. But in truth the war was far, far more complex than that and so there wasn’t a clearly defined 'good vs bad' like WW2."
Pow67
"People in general view WW1 with less clear good guy-bad guy lines, but this leads to people thinking Imperial Germany was entirely clean of shitty acts."
Armored-Potato-Chip
Potato Issues
"In the UK, it is not taught that the famine in Ireland was a genocide committed by Britain. Our population still has not recovered. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sir_Charles_Trevelyan,_1st_Baronet#Role_in_the_Irish_Famine"
d3pd
"Born in England, all i was taught was that Ireland had some potato disease and all they had where potatoes so they all either starved or moved to the USA."
yfrryrjrriurirgr
Knowledge
Food Vintage GIF by Archives of Ontario | Archives publiques de l'OntarioGiphy"After the Paraguay war, there were no losers left to write history… I guess Brazil, Uruguay and Argentina was what was left."
Much_Committee_9355
"If it helps any, they don't glorify this war when they teach us about it here in Brazil. They make sure to teach how ruthless it was and all the consequences to the Paraguayan people."
_Biaa_-
I have no idea of any of these stories. I am so behind.
Crushed
Thor Ragnarok GIF by Marvel StudiosGiphy"Vanderbilt, Rockefeller, Carnegie, Astor, Mellon, Morgan, Schwab, Stanford. They were called robber barons for a reason. All those schools and music halls and community centers are all built on the backs of crushed men and named after the men who crushed them."
ForsakenPercentage53
In 1899
"The Philippine-American war. Because of WWII the Americans were portrayed as heroes who had the Philippines’ best interest at heart. But few people know about the genocide during the Philippine-American war that started in 1899. Almost 200,000 civilians dead, with civilians dying to disease, famine and US troops wiping out villages."
cerulean200
1916
"The Kyrgyz genocide. In 1916 when Kyrgyz families of the north (tired of oppression) refused to join Russia’s army in WWI, Russian soldiers massacred around 30% of population of the northern tribes. Now they present it as an uprising, which happened because of German-Turkish spies."
sultana_of_jazz
'they couldn't have known'
"Anytime someone says 'Well, by the standards of the time, it was okay.' When talking about an atrocity or horrific practice. It usually means 'By the standards of the people doing the atrocity.' For example, Slaves knew the Slave trade was evil."
"But when we say 'People thought it was okay' we aren't counting the slaves as being people. The victims of history are voiceless, even if our sensibilities have evolved over time. We try to justify things by saying 'they couldn't have known' and almost always ignore a large group of people who certainly did know."
Kenobi_01
The Gauls
"Surprised to see no one mention the massacres of Caesar during the Gaulic wars. He deliberately targeted certain Gaulic tribes to make them cease to exist, which straight up is genocide. Almost every time I hear someone speak of the Gaulic wars I see them either side lining them to the civil war that followed it or it is a heroic struggle from both sides. The Gauls are trying to remain free while Rome is trying to expand and civilize. Almost every time I read about it the atrocities are omitted which I find to be really bad."
Thubbe42
Guilty!
Embarrassed Shame GIFGiphy"Pretty much any indigenous population that got in the way of any colonial power. No single country has a monopoly on the violence and oppression that was done worldwide as the colonial powers expanded. ALL were guilty of it."
crockett5
Time to do some rewrites people.
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