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Interracial Couples Reveal The Biggest Cultural Adjustments They Overcame

Interracial Couples Reveal The Biggest Cultural Adjustments They Overcame

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Cultural stereotypes, and the judgments that accompany them, still present challenges for interracial couples. But dating someone from another culture has its perks too - different food, family celebrations, holiday traditions - all help to enrich our relationships. It's not always easy, though, as people still like to judge.

jbrown3152 asked, Redditors in interracial relationships, what was the biggest cultural adjustment you had to make?

Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.

The Chinese ex was doing it right. Unopened and uneaten? Mine.

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My ex-boyfriend of two years was Chinese, and I'm white (and Southern, while he'd lived most of his life in Chicago). We had some minor things like he would make fun of how much cheese I ate and I made fun of how much he learned to love sweet iced tea. But the one cultural norm we didn't even realize we didn't have in common was taking food home from special events. For white people, food left at the end of a wedding/event/banquet is for the host (whoever's paid for it) to dispose of/dispense how they like. In Chinese culture, mass to-go boxes are distributed and everyone takes home whatever they want. I remember being mortified at a wedding when my bf just snagged an entire, unopened box of cupcakes to take when we left. In my mind, he just stole cupcakes. What was so remarkable was that I thought he was being cheap and he thought I was being paranoid, and we never ever chalked it up to cultural norms. Learned this from a totally different (also Chinese) friend after we'd broken up.

Edit: I'm speaking of fancy or formal events specifically, not all get-togethers with food.

This seems like an easy adjustment.

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So. Many. Hugs.

Family is family is family.

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One I can answer!

My partner is from Zimbabwe. I'm from Scotland.

The biggest culture shock by far is how every older woman is called mbuya (gran) and every older man sekuru (grandpa). From what I understand their language (Shona) doesn't seem to have a word for aunties, uncles or cousins: everyone is just your sibling, parent, grandparent or a stranger. Makes it a nightmare to work out what the 'real' relations are.

Saying "I'm full" is a no-no in many cultures, and there's always so much food.

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Not a current relationship but a previous one. I'm white and he's Hispanic. Meeting his family was really when the cultural differences showed. His entire family was super welcoming, immediately I was included in everything and made to feel like part of the family, that was definitely not the norm in my other relationships.

I found out that even if I'm stuffed full if his mom or aunt offered me food, I better take it. To refuse for any reason was extremely rude.

Authentic Mexican food is amazing.

We did go to a Hispanic dance club together once and I was treated like trash by everyone present because of being white, but that was the only occasion of people disapproving.

We broke up because he's a terrible person, but I still miss his family.

Celebrating for no reason? Sounds like a great adjustment.

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My fiancée is black, I'm white/Asian. Everyone from her family is very loud but in a loving way, especially in public. So much laughing and clapping for no reason, I love it so much. My wasian family is very quiet and reserved and doesn't show much affection. Being in public and getting stared at is the biggest adjustment. Also the food. Anyone else love neckbone?

Well, this is different, and certainly an adjustment.

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I am dating a girl whose parents are from East Boston. They call pasta "macaroni" and red sauce/pasta sauce "gravy." WTF

Doesn't seem like much adjustment is needed here, everyone is really well-rounded.

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Meeting her family: lots of hugs, the family is important, you always compliment how beautiful the mom is and eat all of her cooking, when the dad drinks then you must drink, anytime they invite you to an event then you drop everything and go or witness their wrath.

Her meeting my family: shoes come off the second you enter the house, be prepared to gossip with the mom, constantly receive a small sentence of wisdom from the dad.

I am Vietnamese and she is Venezuelan. Both families agree we would have beautiful children.

Edit: RIP inbox. y'all some amazing people: ;)

Mothers-in-law take a lot of adjusting.

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White male married to a black woman here. We have been together since 1988 and have a 19 yo daughter.

I am not sure there were any real cultural adjustments. I have read about people in interracial relationships getting all kinds of blowback/disapproval but we've not experienced anything significant.

My MIL finds fault with virtually anything but that does not seem cultural though.

Tearing down cultural stereotypes is a necessary adjustment.

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My ex-boyfriend is Japanese. He and his family were very very proper, clean, and etiquette. The biggest thing was they were never really satisfied with his accomplishments. Every time he did something good they would always want more from him.

Edit: One thing I forgot to mention was that I'm Hispanic, and his family had some misconceived views on Hispanic/Latino people. The sister and dad thought I was going to be some sort of drug dealer or a gang member and were scared of me at first. His mom and brother thought I was going to be loud, good at dancing, and always say something in Spanish after every sentence. They were very interesting...

Learning your partner's native language shows immense dedication, and is a really noble adjustment.

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Learning Spanish. I married a Peruvian who speaks perfect English and so I have trouble remembering what I learn.

I like the sound of the wild Christmas.

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My husband is Mexican and I am white. The biggest thing we genuinely notice and laugh about is how Christmas is handled.

His family - mass chaos, everyone opens presents all at the same time. There is literally trash and Christmas paper EVERYWHERE.

My family - slow, meticulous, everyone patiently waits their turn to open their gift. We legitimately have someone assigned to trash bag duty.

This happens far too often - skin color shouldn't define love.

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It's weird getting racist side-eyes from people of the same race as me.

Whether it's interracial or sexuality, let's not judge others on how and whom they love.

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My interracial relationship isn't an issue with most people. They normally just are disgusted because we're gay.

Hot take: visits are one thing, but having the whole family in a hospital room is really uncomfortable. It was for me.

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I'm Hispanic, my husband is Caucasian. When someone in my family is sick, the whole family shows up. We all sit in the waiting room for a surgery, come by the house with food during a recovery. When his own father had a cardiac cath my husband didn't go with him even though he had the day off work. I went with his father and his mother and he thought it was so extra for me to go. His mentality is that I can't do anything if something goes wrong. He said if something did go wrong his mother would call him. In my family, it's a show of love, respect, and support to be at someone's sick bed, even for a routine medical procedure. His mother didn't find it strange, his sister didn't go either. It's just weird to me. When his grandma had a hip replaced he went to visit her in rehab only one time and she was there for two weeks. If it was my family, we would take shifts so she would have at least one visitor per day and one home-cooked meal.

Oh, white people...

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Black man with a white ex here. I have plenty of these types of scenarios. My favorite is the white people who assumed we weren't together when we walked into a restaurant. My ex was absolutely incensed! I laughed because I've dealt with that ignorance on more than one occasion.

Parties for everything? Why not?!

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White trash married into a Hispanic household.

Everything is different.

They throw parties for everything. High school graduation was a huge deal, I had to convince my parents to come because I needed a ride home afterward. His family was shocked.

We don't cook when people come over. Just buy some pizza. His mom might kill me if I throw a party without cooking a bunch of homemade food.

Sleepovers, family coming over? Then it's assumed they will stay the night. Totally threw me off. Our family barely visits and when they do it's for a few hours then they're gone.

Is someone pregnant? Awesome huge parties and lots of gifts. My family? That sucks better figure out what you're gonna do.

Kids party? Lots of games n food n cake and gifts. My family, oh cool here's a t-shirt I have work so I'm gonna leave now.

A family member needs help? They're family best go help. My side? The most you'll get is a 'that sucks' there's no helping each other.

Been about 6 years now and I'm still learning.

The concept of "on time" varies greatly from culture to culture.

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Different understanding of time.

Edit: to be clear she is latina and I am white. Doesn't make me mad, it's just a difference in culture. It's an adjustment I have to make.

It takes a lot of courage to stand up to white supremacy. Sounds like the stepdad needs the adjustment.

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I'm black and I'm currently dating a white guy. His stepdad is a white supremacist, so going to his house always feels a little awkward.

Expanding your taste in food is one of the best ways to experience other cultures.

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When I'm in a relationship I tend to eat less Asian foods to accommodate their tastes. I'm Asian-American and grew up eating a variety of foods. It was hard to adjust in the beginning because the people I tend to date (primarily small-town White-Americans) have a limited food palette.

Right now my current S/O has a very wide range of palette which I'm super duper grateful for. We've eaten a large array of ethnic foods compared to my previous relationships, but just not Asian dishes yet lol. Mostly due to us not traveling out of the city, where it primarily dominated by Thai, to the suburbs where there different facets of Chinese cuisines.

It's fascinating that dancing never caught on as part of American culture. But it's never too late to try!

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I'm a boring white American and my fiance is Puerto Rican. Everyone dances, and dances well, except for me of course.

People Describe The All-Time Worst Dates They've Ever Been On

Reddit user sweet_chick283 asked: 'What's the worst date you've ever been on?'

Closeup of two coffee-filled mugs held by a dating couple.
Jonathan J. Castellon/Unsplash

Finally going out on a date with the person you've been chatting with online is a very exciting yet nerve-wracking first step.

But when you finally meet the person with whom you've developed romantic chemistry online, one of two things can happen–Fireworks or bombs.

In other words, being face-to-face with a prospective love interest for the first time can either confirm your hopes or suspicions about the person whom you know very little about online.

Curious to hear nightmare stories about dating life, Redditor sweet_chick283 asked:

"What's the worst date you've ever been on?"

People and their obsession with their electronic devices is getting out of hand.

Mr. Invisible

"Sat for 15 minutes to hear him talk about himself, work and his future plans, and then as he asked me 'what about you?" his hand went to reach his phone and he starts scrolling. I can't stress this enough, his hand reaches his phone at the same time those words left his mouth. It felt to me like he already decided whatever I am going to say was going to be boring so might as well multitask as I talk."

– dracarysthemdown

Self-Incriminating Date

"Went on a date with a chick that took my phone and put a picture of her on my Snapchat, I got 20 messages almost instantly from chicks that knew her and told me to stay away. She was 2 months pregnant, didn’t tell me till my friends did. That was a wild date for sure. She was very upset."

– ThatBrenon131

The Salesperson

"Tinder date. She pulled out her Ipad and started introducing me various insurance plans she is selling."

– IndigoldWeM

"Oooooh god that's almost as bad as trying to recruit a first date into your MLM line..."

– OP

"I had a date that tried to sell me whole life insurance. She told me before the date to meet her at her office. It was downtown so I thought nothing of it. Then she walks me to her desk and tells me to sign some papers."

– Pissedtuna

Sometimes, dates turn out to be disastrous through no fault of participants.

Things Went Downhill

"I thought I would be a little more adventurous and suggest that we go skiing for a first date. At the time, I lived in the south where the closest ski mountain was 2.5 hours away and it was opening day. It became clear that we probably didn’t click on the drive up, but I figured we’d still have a fun day of skiing. On the first run, maybe 100 yards in, she falls hard and tears her acl, lcl, and mcl. It was a very long and awkward car ride back, and I ended up staying with her for several days after to help care for her since she lived alone and was new to the area. She was a very nice woman, but that was just a lot for a first date."

– houston_g

People were forced to make a run for it.

The Great Escape

"So many bad dates over the years. One of the worst was this guy I met on a dating site. We agreed to go to dinner at a nearby restaurant. Turned out his profile picture really was of himself but it was just a 'few' years old. BS! In person, he straight up looked like Santa Claus on vacation complete with the Hawaiian shirt. I was a little unhappy about that but it wasn’t the end of the world. I thought well maybe he is jolly and fun. That turned out to be a big NO."

"So we ordered dinner and he started talking about ex wife #1. She was a b*tch and crazy. Ex wife #2 was also a b*tch and crazy. Ex wife #3 was a psycho crazy b*tch from hell. He told me ex #3 hit him in the face with a frying pan. He seemed to enjoy my horrified reaction. That was, until I asked what he did he do to her to make her smack him upside the head with said frying pan. Personally, I thought it was an awful date and I couldn’t wait to go home. He ordered dessert. :/"

"mentioned getting home soon and he said We can discuss that later as he was paying for my meal and we were going to enjoy our time together. I waited for a few minutes and politely excused myself to the ladies room. He stood up and watched me go in and was watching me when I came back to the table. It was as if he knew I wanted to bolt out the door. I got my chance when he finally went to the men’s room. I handed the waitress money for my food plus tip and told her I was on a very bad date. I left the restaurant just before he came back from the men’s room. He saw me through the front windows and started screaming like a lunatic. I don’t know what he was saying but I ran to my car!"

– SassyDiva13

Tasks First, Eat Later

"Went out with a guy from POF who lived an hour away from me. (I live in the sticks so this is normal.) I texted him to let him know I was on my way and this dipsh*t proceeded to text me every few minutes to ask me if I was still coming. So much so that I finally had to call him and tell him to stop because I can't text and drive at the same time. In hindsight, I should have turned around and went home right then."

"Finally I get to the place we were meeting. It was a store parking lot. Since we were meeting there and going somewhere else right away, I texted him and said I was there, where are you and he replies insisting I come into the store. He absolutely would NOT come outside to meet me. So I had to spend the first hour of this date following him around an auto parts store while he pawed through every display and bin, not talking to me very much at all."

"Finally he was ready to leave the store and I thought we were going to eat, as we had originally planned. I was starving but he said no, I gotta go return my work uniforms to my old job first. Uhh, okay I guess."

"So we drove in his car to this factory where he parks and says hop out so I can lock my car up. It was cold and rainy so of course he expected me to stand out in it? After like 15 minutes I was like f'k this and I went in the lobby of this place to get out of the rain. For some reason it took this guy 45 more minutes to return his uniforms so I was glad I went into the building to get warm. But apparently this was a huge no-no to him because when he came back out from wherever he went to return this stuff he glared at me like I just dropped trou and took a sh*t in his lap and asked me why I didn't just wait outside. In the cold rain. For almost an hour."

"At last he decided it was time to go to the restaurant. I sat there trying to keep a poker face while he talked to the waitress like he was addressing a toddler, messily stuffed his face and chewed with his mouth open wide and kept glancing around every 30 seconds like he was scared someone was going to see him out with a woman in public."

"Plus he kept asking me invasive and crude sex questions the whole time too. Lovely."

"I quickly inhaled a salad and managed to pay for it at the front without him seeing me, I told him I needed to go to the little girl's room and bounced. Luckily this restaurant was across the highway from the store where I had left my car so I crossed it real quick and blocked him everywhere before I even got the car warmed up."

"I'll betcha a million bucks and a house salad that a**hole was married."

– produkt921

It's unfortunate that people on dating apps aren't always forthright about themselves.

Older Woman

"I wouldn’t say it was the worst but it was the most interesting. Met a lady on a dating app. A Beautiful woman who claimed to be 38 which is my age. I suspected through the pictures she might be in her early 40s. Her profile said she had 3 kids. We talked and she seemed cool. We then met for dinner a week into talking. I could tell she was older but looked younger than she should because of Botox. Within 15 minutes she said she had to tell me the truth because she really likes me. She does not have 3 kids but 6! She is not 38 but 48!"

– bobismymother

The Date That Wasn't A Date But Actually Was A Date

"I didn't even know it was a date."

"Girl I worked with was talking up a breakfast place in a nearby town, and I was like 'that sounds great, let's go this weekend!'"

"We went, I had a great time, the pancakes were amazing, and I had fun hanging out with a work friend outside of work. I thought she had a good time too, she was laughing and fully engaged with the conversation just like normal."

"Like three weeks later, I was talking to another coworker when it all came out that she'd been telling people we went on a terrible date, how I didn't even make a move or flirt or do anything that guys she goes on dates with normally do, and how I even talked about a date with another girl at one point."

"I was flabbergasted, my fat a** genuinely thought we were just a couple of friends getting pancakes."

– SadlyReturndRS

If you're no longer in the dating pool because you found your person, congrats.

There's no doubt you have kissed some frogs along the way to finding true love.

Because if it weren't for all those "horrible dates," you might not be able to appreciate what you've got when the right person comes along.

Hercules statue

Simone Pellegrini on Unsplash

A bad@ss is defined as:

"a tough, uncompromising, or intimidating person."

The term is attributed to North America, dating back to 1809. But use remained fairly minimal throughout the 19th and 20th centuries.

The term really took off at the beginning of the 21st century and continued a swift upward trajectory until the present.

Even though the widespread use of the term is relatively recent, the attitude and attributes of a bad@ss goes back to the beginning of human existence.

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airport check-in

Phil Mosley on Unsplash

The United States Department of Homeland Security was created November 25, 2002 in response to the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. Some existing agencies were transferred to the jurisdiction of the newly created cabinet post.

Among the agencies moved to Homeland Security were Customs and Border Protection, Federal Emergency Management Agency, United States Secret Service and the United States Coast Guard.

Some agencies were created to address new security measures then placed under Homeland Security. Among the new agencies created post 9/11 was the Transportation Security Administration (TSA).

TSA was created on November 19, 2001, to "improve airport security procedures and consolidate air travel security under a dedicated federal administrative law enforcement agency." TSA handles security for transportation systems within and connecting to the United States.

For most people, their interaction with TSA is at the airport. Those interactions aren't always pleasant for travelers.

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When I was a little girl, I adored the American Girl books. These were books about girls in different historical periods of time in America. They weren't just books, however. There was a lot of American Girl merchandise, including dolls.

I adored the doll I had of Felicity Merriman, my favorite American Girl. A few years ago, I started reading the American Girl books to my cousin. She had her own favorite character, Samantha, and I decided it would be nice to get her a Samantha doll for her birthday. I went to order one only to find out they had archived the dolls of the four original American Girls, including Felicity and Samantha.

Eventually, new versions of the dolls were re-released, but they looked completely different from the characters from the books, which the original dolls captured. These dolls are just one thing that existed in my childhood that no longer exists.

I'm not the only one who has experienced these. Redditors have identified plenty of things from their childhood that no longer exist and are eager to share.

It all started when Redditor lil-gatorwrangler asked:

"What is something from your childhood that no longer exists now?"

Breakfast Gifts

"Cool spoons from cereal boxes!!! i miss the color changing and straw ones."

– pompomcinnamon

"Nothing like only buying a box of cereal because of the cool lil gift inside. 🥹"

– lil-gatorwrangler

"This reminds me I haven't seen my Taz spoon in a while. It makes Taz noises when you dip it in milk."

– TransformerTanooki

Family Phones

"Yelling “SOMEBODY GET THE PHONE.”

– Jfonzy

"Adjacent: “Get off the internet! I have to make a phone call!”"

cold_dry_hands

"The ring tone was......the phone."

– DEADFLY6

Slime!

"Nickelodeon game shows. I miss Legends of the Hidden Temple and Guts."

– ShawshankException

"Every time I have to take a headrest out and put it back in my car seat, I pretend I am completing a mission from LotHT."

– ReineDePlatine

Ah, The Book Fairs

"Do you remember filling out book orders when it was time for your school's book fair? :'("

– sn0wballa

"Omg yes!!! And just say dreaming about all the books I could have, if I could afford it lol."

– FlannelPajamas123

"Oh my god the happiest days of my school year."

– clover219

​Cell Phone Plans

"I remember when cell phones were newish and scheduling your calls to after 7 on weekdays and anytime on weekends because nights and weekends were free and didn't count toward your monthly allotment of minutes. You also only had a limited amount of texts per month included in your plan."

–cartertucker

The Old Food Options

"Wendy's salad bar."

– SirBlack_

"Wendy’s 4 for $4. Rip 🥲"

– lil-gatorwrangler

Toy Stores

"KB toys."

– AcademicSavings634

"It always felt so cramped and jam packed full of stuff that every time you went you felt like an explorer."

– MrMojoFomo

"I worked at KB Toys throughout college. Can confirm that cramming stuff in there was a corporate policy, maybe for exactly this reason."

"Had to be careful going exploring though— more than once I found a dirty diaper someone had hidden behind a bunch of Barbies. I feel like everyone should work retail for at least a little while, so they can get a taste for what monsters people really are."

– Engelbettie

"Toys-R-Us. I miss that place. I remember my dad taking me and I’d just wonder through the aisles amazed at all the toys. I got one of my childhood favorite Barbie dream houses there."

– FrostQueen05

A Thousand Words

"Photo Albums. My mother has been cataloging some of the old photos she never got around to putting in albums recently. It is a different experience than looking through someone's phone at curated pictures. You would get the pictures back and 90% of them would go in the album. No editing, no my hair looks like crap. You would find photos of yourself years later that you never knew existed. When your grandparents die and you start looking through albums for their memorial and can reminisce. It is so nice."

– HighFiveYourFace

Christmas Was Never The Same

"I recall hearing about a concept mentioned in movies known as a 'Christmas bonus.'"

– mockhouse

"I actually worked at a place where I got to see the idea of a Christmas bonus die."

"They had, for years, given out a Christmas bonus the 2nd week of December that was a cash bonus equivalent to about 1 week's pay. It wasn't huge but it was just that little extra for people already living paycheck to paycheck to have something to buy the wife and kids some Christmas presents."

"Then one year some dude in management came up with this really awesome idea: Instead of giving each employee a couple hundred dollars in cash we should totally give them a frozen turkey."

"It will be great! everyone needs a frozen turkey for Christmas dinner and we can order a whole semi truck trailer full of of them for a great bulk discount so they only cost like $20 each... employees win and we save money!"

"So that is what the company did."

"Only they did't tell anyone that was what was going to happen until the truck backed into the loading dock and happy managers started handing out frozen chunks of discount birds to people who had been budgeting their entire Christmas shopping on getting the cash instead."

"Christmas morning the owner of the company woke up to find hundreds of rotting turkeys on their front lawn."

"We never got a Christmas bonus again at that company - cash or cold turkey."

– varthalon

MY Personal Info

"Privacy. Mostly in the sense that we didn’t have big Meta mining our data/location/listening."

– ilike2makemoney

Weekend Mornings

"Saturday morning cartoons. Nothing beat the joy of waking up early in Saturday morning to watch five hours of your favorite cartoons, most of which were only on at that time on that day."

– nijaxi4567

"I know what you mean. There are cartoons on Saturday morning but with cable and YouTube and streaming and because those run 24-7, it isn’t an event."

"Few things beat running downstairs, pouring yourself a huge bowl of sugary cereal, and flipping on a full hour of Ninja Turtles, Garfield, Ghostbusters, and topping it off with Saved By the Bell all while your parents slept in."

– vmikey

Movie Night

"Blockbuster movie rental."

– lordharliquin

"Oh. My favorite thing we used to do is we would go to the video store and blindfold one of us and pick out a movie and just watch something random. It was so fun fun!"

– darforce

"I WAS LOOKING FOR THIS!! Those are some of the best memories from my childhood! So much better than Netflix!"

– betaflc

No Streaming

"Yelling "IT'S OOOOOOOON" as your siblings hurtled themselves back into the living room and across the couch after the ad break. That 'will I make it' few minutes of just not knowing if you had time to both pee and ALSO get kitchen snacks, were andrenaline-inducing."

– wildgoats2345

That was me and my brother as we watched Avatar: The Last Airbender. Sometimes, I really miss those days!