One of the golden rules of the job search, heck of life, is always make a good first impression. It is the bare minimum to show up for a job interview prepared and able to fill out an application, or have a coherent resume. It's like Life Skills 101. Apparently that was a class many of us seem to have slept through or played hooky during. How in the world some people think they're going to find employment in their current state of being is mind boggling. But also highly entertaining.Redditor u/ramennewtls wanted to get those in hiring positions to help us all out when it comes to the do's and do nots of trying to find a job by asking.... Employers, what's the weirdest/stupidest answer you've seen on a job application?
Priceless....michael jackson popcorn GIFGiphy
I worked for a small company, and this resume got passed around. Turns out it was someone I'd worked with at my previous company.
He was claiming to be the lead developer on a project that I wrote from the ground up with one other person (not him).
I told my boss that we should interview this person for entertainment value only, and why. So we did. I left people with the gotcha questions to ask, and he tried to bull his way through each one. I was the last interviewer, and the look on his face when I walked through the door was priceless.
Written by Hand....
I was interviewing internal candidates for a job at our location. The job posting asked for your last review and a letter of interest, basically a cover letter.
We have computers and printers available for any employee to use but one woman in her 40s, pretty intelligent, decided to hand write her letter of interest on a scrap piece of 5"x7" ripped paper. WTF? The kicker was she wrote in the letter something like "I bet nobody else took the time to write a personal hand written letter."
I was interviewing an external kid in his early 20s for an entry level stocking job. I asked one of the stock questions "Give me an example of a time you had a disagreement with a coworker?"
He goes into a story about some trivial argument where he and another coworker ended up getting into a fist fight at an A&W Restaurant. I felt kind of bad that he thought I that was an OK story to tell at a job Interview.
"What is the attitude of a satellite?"
I was the candidate for this one. Due to how the Indian College system works, I was forced to participate in a written test for a company which did aerospace focused software. I was not interested in actually clearing the test. 10 years later, I still remember answering "What is the attitude of a satellite?" With "The satellites attitude i.e. mood describes whether or not it wishes to remain in orbit.
Satellites with a bad attitude are normally scrapped otherwise they may decide to crash out of orbit or get into fights with other satellites".
(I had continued this for a 6-7 line paragraph)
I wonder what the evaluators thought of me....
I had a job posting out and a potential candidate reached out to have a chat about the role (senior management position). I told him my calendar was up to date and to book me.
He booked me for 1pm the following day with his phone number in the "location". At 1:02pm I call his number. He was waiting for his food at a burger place.
So we're chatting, he gets his food and says "I'm going to crush this burger while we talk."
He was shocked when he didn't get a formal interview.
@ "don't be stupid"sanford smh GIFGiphy
Not so much an answer, but I've seen a shocking amount of resumes and applications with really awkward and unprofessional email addresses. Before being a position where I reviewed resumes I never would have thought so many people would provide and email address like "baddest_b*ch420" or sexymama_69" to a potential employer, but a lot of people do.
The Bare Minimum
I wasn't necessarily an employer, but i was a manager of a small restaurant. The owner valued my input but i couldn't hire or fire anyone without his permission.
I had a kid bring in his application, and i guess he was making jokes and forgot to fix it. Under "expected pay" he wrote "minimum crap".
He was hired and he was not a good fit.
It wasn't really anything on the resume or application. Still very entertaining.
Hiring for a call center position in my Department. Man passes the phone interview (done by the CEO of the company) and was told to come in for the face to face interview with the managers of the department.
He shows up and answers a few questions before asking what job he was applying for at the company. I replied that it was for a call center position and he looked disappointed. He then began asking if there were any other positions open (there were not at the time).
I begin to end the interview and I ask him about his past experience. He says that he was always upper management. Then asks if we were hiring for a CEO position at the company. No Dude... No. You literally talked with our CEO during the phone interview. Position is filled. Thanks. Ended the interview after that part.
It was one of the worst interviews that I have ever been through. He was unbelievably un prepared and applying for an entry level position.
Not an employer but I worked in HR back in the '70s. One applicant under the question regarding convictions wrote that he'd served 6 years in prison for the murder of his wife's lover. He finished by saying that he and his wife were back together.
We were hiring externally for an account manager and that void was highly coveted by many of the supervisors on the account. Hired this one guy and told him he had to go through the agent training and we would see where he is at, but under no circumstance was he to tell anyone what he was hired to do.
First day of training he introduces himself to the whole company as the next account manager, blows off training completely, and bombs the final knowledge test.
He was released.
Just Pray.I Will Survive Jesus GIF by hoppipGiphy
Had someone put down "Jesus" for a reference.
Without a last name and contact details? That's pretty unprofessional.
Had a chef once apply with, "good at helping my coworkers thieve whilst the restaurant is at its busiest."
I'm sure he meant thrive but us chefs aren't to be trusted.
At my old job, I think if someone put that on their resume they'd be hired on the spot. I liked to joke that we probably should've stopped searching for people at Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meetings.
I was working in retail in high school when someone came and dropped off a paper application. In the section about criminal history they checked yes they had prior convictions. In the space provided to state what the legal issues were they simply wrote "rong place rong time". We kept that application around for a while.
I received a resume that was just their high school football accomplishments, no other experience written down. There was even a link to his highlight video. He also included a head shot of him in his football pads. He was 24.
A sports CV is meant to be a profile for you as an athlete. To send to teams you want to join. Or something your agent sends to teams for transfers.
You don't use a sports CV for a actual job with the public. That makes no sense.
Saw a resume that, under the education tab, went from "Marine Officer Training School" to simply "Clown School."
Not even the specific one, just "Clown School."
Old retail manager used to joke about one candidate he interviewed. A felony charge isn't a deal breaker for them so they ask applicants to be honest about them. "So about that drug charge... I just want y'all to know I wasn't usin' it, I just sold it."
"A Cup of Pee"
Hiring for a convenience store in the US, so we always scraped the bottom of the barrel and hired anyone who showed up to the interview. In this particular region, meth was so rampant that we drug tested potential employees. I did the interview, gave the kid the urinalysis kit to bring to the clinic a block away, called the clinic and said you can expect him shortly to administer the pee test. He never showed at the clinic.
Didn't answer his phone. He came back to the store a week later, proudly holding a cup of urine that he was there to turn in. I asked him politely to please take the cup of pee out of my store and to never return. He looked confused. I then asked him why he didn't go directly to the clinic after the interview. He said he wanted to wait till he could pass the drug test! God bless his simple heart.
An applicant for a job as a paid tenor soloist in performing a series of Bach cantatas was asked:
Please list sacred choral works (including cantatas) for which you have served as tenor soloist.
He responded: "None. But I can sing "Shotgun Willie" in the style of Willie Nelson."
In the cover letter: "I have a 2011 Toyota Corolla" and "I keep things organized with STICKERS!!!" Caps and multiple exclamations and all.
Different girl ignored the instructions to apply online, showed up in jeans and a baseball cap, asked if we were still hiring and when we said yes, she threw her arms in the air like Vanna White on Wheel of Fortune and shouted, "here I am!" My coworkers said the look on face was priceless.
I had someone bring in a resume that was scrawled out on notebook paper ripped from a spiral bound notebook and they didn't even tear off the edge so it was clean!
This was for a high level position. They wore a suit, carried a portfolio (which I assume had a spiral notebook in it) and never offered a word as to why they jotted down a resume in the parking lot.
"Why You Should Hire Me"Giphy
Whenever anyone gets an interview to work in my department, our whole team looks over their resume and can ask the applicant questions. There was a guy who applied for a mid-career position and had a few connections with some higher ups in our company.
So they immediately scheduled an interview for him without actually reviewing his resume. When our team looked at his resume, he had it titled "Why You Should Hire Me" and had a bunch of run-on sentences and misspelled words. Our team was confused and thought he made a mistake. Apparently, he thought he had the job because of his connections, so he didn't take the whole applying process seriously. He didn't get the job.
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Not all television and movies are loved by all.
A story and its characters have to appeal to you in order for you to be engaged.
It can take next to nothing for us to lose interest and let the screen go black.
Redditor BarooTangClan wanted to compare notes on all the entertainment we've said "that's enough" to.
"What will make you instantly stop watching a movie or show and why?"
I hate bad acting, writing, storytelling... I hate bad anything.
Stop JumpingFight Scene GIF by Operation FortuneGiphy
"Fight scenes with a million visual cuts. Gives me motion sickness. Contrast the absolutely masterful work in John Wick. long cuts, realistic use of weapons (mostly), 100% skill."
"When the actors whisper the whole movie and you have to crank the volume to hear what's being said - but the soundtrack or some other misc noise starts blaring at a higher volume directly after."
"I basically had to watch Stranger Things up in my attic with the windows and doors closed. I was worried the neighbors would think something was wrong or be annoyed if I watched it downstairs in my single family home. It was ridiculous."
"spice things up"
"Love triangles out of no where in a second or third season to 'spice things up' because studio writers are hacks and their idea of relationship drama is 'potential infidelity' at all times. It's the most tired trope on the go**amn planet and the second I see it rear its head I dip right the hell out."
"The whole concept of a love triangle to begin with an incredibly juvenile. Any healthy functioning adult who found themselves in a love triangle would soon choose to find themselves single."
Save your lips...
"When couples in a movie/show have a fight and one of them instantly goes to a friend and end up kissing her/him after talking for 5 minutes. I cringe so hard i turn it off and never watch it again."
"This pissed me off so much in Manifest. Girl is desperate to get back her ex-fiancé, he finally breaks up with his wife to get back with her and she's like 'nah, it's not fair to your wife, let me do this other dude I just met through a calling and be pissed at you for being jealous.' Michaela was the worst and everyone acted as if she were a saint the entire time."
Talk to MeIn Love Flirt GIF by OriginalsGiphy
"Shows where a single polite conversation could fix everything."
We are going overboard with the witty repartee. Talk normal...
Shut UpScared Home Alone GIF by FreeformGiphy
"Annoying main character, especially if it's a kid."
"Kids who have a quippy, sassy retort to everything, and everyone just kind of crumbles before their wit."
"Shows where kids in high school talk like they are 30 years olds who have done everything, been everywhere, know it all and use a ridiculously flowery and extensive vocabulary in every conversation. Like, have any of these writers ever been to high school? Literally no one talks like that. Even worse is when, in addition to this, all the adults talk normal or are just plain stupid, like so weird parallel universe."
"If the movie is too dark. Not graphic, just literally dark. I lose all sense of intensity in dark scenes and I'm not straining my damn eyes trying to figure out what the hell is going on."
"I've seen about 10 percent of all DC movies recently. I've seen all of the individual films in full, just actually saw 10% of each of them."
"Movies in the late 80s had a lot of dark but you could see the depth because of different shooting techniques. Now you cant see crap because its a CGI fest drowned in black color so you can't see crap because you have no depth in a scene. Compare night scenes in dark alleys in 80's movies and movies now. Utter crap show in the new ones."
Pay Attention Storytellers
"Bad editing would be a big one. A lot of modern horror movies can't help but edit the movies like they're trailers, with added noises to scare the audience because they are afraid the script alone isn't enough to keep people watching."
"I remember this is where the first transformers movie lost me. When the transformers are fighting at the end, it's all a big, jumbled mess of metal and I can barely tell what's going on or who is who."
Dramawill devry soap opera GIF by General HospitalGiphy
"When they go straight to relationship drama right away when it wasn't the selling point of the show."
Do better, Hollywood. It's not that hard.
I fear death.
I wake up in cold sweats dreaming about it.
I think about it in my waking hours.
It's an obsession and clearly, I'm not alone.
But there are more preferred ways to exit.
All we can do is hope to be lucky enough to skip the mercilessly awful.
Please just let me go quick and in my sleep.
RedditorCallMehRiverwanted to hear about all the ways none of us what to leave this life.
"What Do You Think Would Be The Worst Death Imaginable?"
My list of the worst deaths is long. My imagination runs amok.
Trappedseason 6 friends GIFGiphy
"For me? Being trapped in a small tube or cave (like the ones you have to wiggle through) and getting stuck to where you can’t move your arms. And all you can do is wait to die. I’m getting chills just thinking about it."
"The more I hear about cavers that get stuck, the more I think that's a crap way to go."
"There’s a great YouTube channel called Ask a Mortician and this was her #1 worse way to die. I can’t remember the exact details or their names, but two well-known divers went into an underwater cave."
"One of them became entangled and died. Years later, his friend dives back down there to try and retrieve his body, the body itself is rotten and his head comes off and the other guy also becomes tangled and dies. Really sad."
A Long Process
"Believed to be in a coma but coherent through the whole 20 year process until they pull the plug."
"Oh man this just reminded me of a story I read on here about a guy who lost the ability to move and speak but was completely conscious. Had to just lay there and be awake but trapped in a useless body. His family thought he was brain dead or something and he couldn’t communicate to them that he was 'all there.' Crazy"
Slow & Steady
"Being slowly impaled by a growing bamboo. It was a form of torture probably used by the japanese during WW2 against Allied prisoners."
"The scariest part is that once you have symptoms, you 100% will die. A 100% mortality rate has to be a psychological torture in itself."
"Not only that, you feel irrational fear. Your brain is literally being eaten apart by the virus and it fu*ks up everything on it. You can't drink water because it hurts you. You feel dizzy, present a fever, excessively salivate, everything hurts and it only gets worse. I'd rather take a bullet and die when the symptoms are still tolerable."
Why can't we all just go engulfed in calm and quiet?
"Some pulpy sci-fi book I read a while back had one of the best deaths of this real piece of crap bad guy. Left to die in a drowning sea lab under the Antarctic ice, he freezes himself in a state of the art suspended animation pod with some kind cold fusion power source that would keep it running for millions of years."
"But he forgot to inject himself with the drug that would put him to sleep. So basically he is in suspended animation at the bottom of the Antarctic ocean while his mind is perfectly awake and conscious in a near unbreakable machine that won't run out of power for millions of years and nobody knows about it."
"As an RN I have always thought that the worst way to die (natural process) is ALS. Lou Gehrig's Disease."
"My mom and grandmother have Huntington's disease, which is essentially ALS, Alzheimer's, and Dementia combined into one really messed up genetic disease. I have a 50% chance of inheriting it and if I hit 40 and there's still no cure I can't promise I'll feel like continuing on with my life because that disease is absolutely freaking miserable."
"The fact your chromosomes can be so destroyed your body basically lost it's genetic code and with it the ability to make any new cells. It's literally a 'dead man walking' and you slowly rot away in agony. Stuff is so unimaginably f**ked up."
"What's also bad about radiation is that it affects your nerves and brain cells last, so you have everything in place to feel all the pain of the rest of your cells being destroyed."
GooNot Listening Season 2 GIF by The Fresh Prince of Bel-AirGiphy
"I want to believe anything that slowly kills you painfully to be the worst. Such as slowly being crushed or something where the pain is beyond compare and yet not enough to throw you into shock or unconsciousness."
"Alternatively, being rapidly crushed into goo would probably be the least painful. I'm talking one of those massive industrial hammers they use for large steel work. Basically smooshed before the nerve signals make it to the brain."
Now I'll never sleep again without nightmares of death.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
Most Americans think nothing of their humdrum daily activities or amenities available to them.
However, others with a different perspective might romanticize the things that are otherwise commonplace ideas and concepts for US citizens, like going to a diner or riding the school bus.
One Redditor looked to foreigners to hear of their American desires to respond to the following:
"Non-Americans of Reddit: what is an American thing you have always wanted to try?"
The things depicted in film really captivated foreign audiences.
"To visit a diner like in the movies. In the middle of the night, it’s raining and just a few people there with great music from a jukebox."
Iconic Student Transport
"Ride a yellow school bus even if I'm too old. Growing up I always loved seeing them on TV."
Just Like The Ones We Used To Know
"A white Christmas."
"Living in an Australian state where I've never even seen snow in our winter, let alone experiencing that classic Hallmark movie moment of waking up to a street full of it and sitting around a fireplace while opening gifts/preparing a feast."
"Guess it's not strictly American, but the imagery and trope is something I've only really seen from American Films."
They may be ubiquitous for us, but they sure seem to be novel ideas to foreigners.
Let's Be Frank
"One of the hotdogs from those little street cart things."
"A friend of mine from Indonesia said, 'the food chewer in the sink.'"
"Apple Pie made by white-haired grandma, placed near window, who says 'oh dear...' as I levitate towards it."
"Proper tailgating before a ball game, the kind where there's ribs and stuff."
"Deep fried foods at a state fair. I'm from Scotland and we love to deep fry everything and I wanna know if it's just as good or better."
There are places to see!
Places To See
"America’s greatest invention!"
Backpacking In Nature
"I always wanted to hike The Appalachian Trail if that counts. Or see Yellowstone."
"Being able to start a whole new life 'elsewhere' without having to leave my country and going through an arduous immigration process."
My cousin told me she looks forward to visiting a Trader Joe's someday when she visits America for the first time.
Her bucket list option was hardly surprising. My parents used to bring treats from TJs as a novelty souvenir gift item, and my relatives ate it up. Literally.
Let's face it. The snacks at TJs rocks.
Even store locations in New York City would have ridiculously long lines during busy hours because the West-coast-based grocer was a novelty on the East Coast.
Many people work hard from the moment they are on the clock until their respective shifts are over at the end of a long day.
For many of those in the workforce, the wages barely sustain a comfortable living, especially for those who are raising a family.
Yet, there are jobs that are known to pay a higher salary without requiring extreme physical labor, or the requirement of higher education.
Curious to hear what those jobs might be, Redditor ImAMasterBayter asked:
"People Break Down Which Professions Are Completely Overpaid"
Extensive training requirements are not a thing, apparently, with these professions.
Daily Dairy Duty
"I watch milk powder go into a bag and out on a conveyor and get paid $37 an hour."
Eyeing Dirt In Motion
"Mine? I get paid $20.50 a hr to watch dirt go by on a belt all day."
The Handy Man Is Happy To Help
"I am a handy man that charges $50/hr with a 3hr minimum, a couple months ago I got a call for service that consisted of changing 9 smoke detector batteries, 2 light bulbs, and rehanging a picture. I felt bad taking the money but the guy couldn’t have been happier to have that stuff finally done. He asked for my card and is now a very good client."
Words From An Appraiser
"I make about 40 an hour after tax in the US as a real estate appraiser. You just need a college degree and a year of training and there is a huge shortage of appraisers right now."
"Edit because this post blew up: I only perceive this job as being overpaid because I used spent most of my 20's making pizza for minimum wage and imposter syndrome is a thing. Also, OP said he was looking for a possible career, and I felt like my job post was better than a troll post."
"Appraisers are not real estate agents or brokers. I do not buy or sell property."
"I do not, 'look at zillow and copy the number' and I don't just, 'make the number' in valuation. While I agree there are some appraisers who may lie or exaggerate, the same could be said of nearly any job. However, if I were to intentionally try hit some goal and got caught fudging the numbers, I'm looking at permanently losing my license and possible jail time depending on the severity. It's actually pretty common for me to, 'tank a deal' if someone is paying too much. This isn't the wild west of valuation anymore; FIRREA is a thing now. Appraisal reports aren't just 3 pages of photos with a cover page anymore; my typical appraisal is 30-50 pages with long boring typed pages of market data that I type and research myself."
"Let's talk about the appraisal gap. In most of the US, we are experiencing a, 'sellers market' meaning houses are selling for higher than what they normally sell for. A lot of people at this thread are blaming appraisers for driving housing prices up. Let me be perfectly clear about this: appraiser's valuations are based off of past data. That is it; we look at closed sales from the past. Realtors and brokers speculate on future markets, because they are motivated by profit. If anyone is driving this current market trend, it is the people buying properties over listing price, local government/laws willingness to allow foreign investors, the people who are raising rents, and the people who are making big risky developments. The appraisers have little to nothing to do with market perception of value; in my area at least many market participants are paying over 30% of listing price. Trust me when I say these people are not satisfied when my appraised value comes in less than that."
"The hardest part of the job is definitely the occasional angry phone call. Let's look at an example. Say someone lists their house at 100k, and they accept an offer for 150k, or 50% over listing. Well the appraisal is based off of past closed sales. The bank will only finance up to the appraised value. So if the appraisal comes in at 110k, meaning the subject in relation to comparable sales from the past year in the subject neighborhood equate to roughly 110k, they will either need to renegotiate the price, or be willing to put up 40k of their own money."
"In a sellers market, it's often better to accept a deal with better financing than a higher price. Let's say in this situation instead of taking the 150k offer with a mortgage, you take a smaller offer for 140k that is all cash, no financing. Well if there is no financing involved, meaning no bank, than no appraisal is needed."
Landing work in software seems to be like hitting the jackpot of success.
"I’m in software sales, software sales. Coworker got 100k commission on a deal."
"There are an incredible amount of 'analysts' who just 'own' automated excel sheets they received from developer teams."
"Low to mid six figures is common in HCOL areas."
The Successful Client
"I do the tax returns for a guy who paid 20k for demographic research software and made something like 40M over the last 3 years. His costs are almost nothing and admitted he does like 5 hours of work a week on it."
"I got more likes and comments than I thought I would, and wanted to add some more detail. The guy himself is super nice and easy to work with. It's hard not to feel jealous even though I make good money myself. His business and personal returns are super simple so we don't even charge him that much for them."
"The software is something proprietary he paid a third party for, and I don't know the name of that developer. The data output is sold to political campaigns and he's compensated more if the campaign wins. He did have some clients on both sides but now exclusively works on one side of the aisle."
Salaries in the world of academics got a closer inspection.
"University administrators and board members."
A Stark Contrast
"I'm a professor. I love it. But the 'president's office' contains a staff of 5 people with a total payroll of just under $500k/year. Meanwhile, all the PhDs, MFAs, and DMAs who teach all the classes, advise all the students, and serve on all the committees bring home a whopping $50k-$65k/year, dependent on rank, tenure, etc. It's real fun...
"The president of my institution makes a approximately $500k/year and is provided a house on campus alongside reserved parking if he so chooses to use it. He also gets a country club membership. Meanwhile I have to pay $200 to park at the school where I TA and do research, and I get paid maybe 1/20th of what he does. I genuinely do not understand why the f'k the dude who makes six figures doesn't pay for parking, but I do."
"Edit: that should be half a million."
Some of the cushiest jobs that require less time actively toiling away seem to be paying significantly more than the average livable wage offered in the US.
Perhaps the biggest indicator of what that might be was summed up best by Redditor iadasr, who said:
"Whatever you guys are all doing that lets you browse Reddit all day..."