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You know how the Make-A-Wish Foundation helps less fortunate children? The Make-A-Curse Foundation would exact revenge on your enemies. For a nominal fee, someone will curse an unfortunate soul of your choosing - and the hex lasts forever.
Imagine cursing someone with an itch that can't be scratched, or giving the terrifying gift of unlimited, universal empathy. Here's what Reddit had to offer
mrsam12000 asked, The Make-A-Curse Foundation grants evil services short of murder for terminally ill adults. What last act of revenge would you request for your enemy?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, or profanity.
Come on we're eating here.
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Someone asks them a question any time they take a bite or sip of something.
It's your job to carry out the curses.
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They have to work for the Make-A-Curse Foundation having to inflict all of this and ensure it all works.
I used to hear phantom bangs when I'd fall asleep.
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As soon as they fall asleep at night they will be startled awake by a loud scream from inside their home and only they will be able to hear it.
A paradox for the ages.
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Get the biggest boner in the most awkward and humiliating situations and only get a half boner when they actually want one.
Sounds like a typical day.
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All critical emails, mail and other indirect correspondence simply wouldn't reach their intended recipients. Mundane stuff would go through as usual though so rather than being able to identify the curse, the target would merely feel alone and ignored in the world.
So just... normal internet.
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Their internet connection will disconnect at random. Also when they are going to watch a video, their connection will be slowed so the video stops to buffer often.
I'm itchy just reading this.
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An itch down at the bone that moves through their body in varying intensities.
It can never be scratched properly and it can't be adjusted for. Just a constant itch ranging from inconvenience to straight up agony.
@topherflorence captured highlights from the thread that received over three thousand retweets for its zaniness alone.
Can you follow?
the history of every brand on twitter somehow https://t.co/fWVXsElCvr— D🌑CFUTURE (@D🌑CFUTURE) 1540403954.0
The bread crumbs company endeavored to stir excitement for the brand by encouraging participation with the following tweet:
"Taking our first steps on the www!! tell us your favorite crouton recipes! #croutons #yum"
Harmless, right?
But somewhere along the way, the brand mixed business with politics. @religiousgames noticed that Carl's Croutons issued a one-word directive: vote.
The Twitter user asked, "What does it mean?"
@topherflorence What does it mean? https://t.co/IKifvva7ba— Vincent Gonzalez (@Vincent Gonzalez) 1540408943.0
Did the Carl's Croutons account manager get his social media account wires crossed? Possibly. But then we're not sure.
@topherflorence responded by saying, "lol that wasn't me i would posted something way dumber."
@religiousgames lol that wasn't me i woulda posted something way dumber— D🌑CFUTURE (@D🌑CFUTURE) 1540409220.0
The following tweet from Carl's Croutons attempted damage control:
"Carl's Crutons [sic] regrets the inappropriate tweet from earlier and we sincerely apologize to the people of The Republic of Malta."
So how did Carl's Croutons insult the Republic of Malta?
@topherflorence @oggborbis ...how did they insult Malta? I need to know.— astronaatti (@astronaatti) 1540405285.0
@Bestorb shed some light on why the Southern European island country may have been insulted by sharing a YouTube clip of episode 1008, "Final Justice," from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
Did it have something to do with the country's dominant population of women?
@astronaatti @topherflorence @oggborbis https://t.co/9imm31y8cM— Nick Bestor (@Nick Bestor) 1540429565.0
The thread spun off in all different directions.
@topherflorence @xoxogossipgita laughing hardest at crouton recipes— super normal internet (@super normal internet) 1540492558.0
@topherflorence That last one is life 🙌🏽— Rich F. Santiago (@Rich F. Santiago) 1540418084.0
@topherflorence WOW this was a ride.— Jackal's Husband, Yuko (@Jackal's Husband, Yuko) 1540405005.0
@ItsBobberto @topherflorence @austin_walker Late stage social media.— Mr. Jackpots (@Mr. Jackpots) 1540435914.0
There were many takeaways from the esoteric thread, but the one directive really stood out.
@topherflorence @MaxKriegerVG Haha, you got me. But seriously, vote.— Benoit Doidic (@Benoit Doidic) 1540414697.0
@topherflorence @zoebread Clever girl. https://t.co/i5VB74s8F9— brott rambler but spooky (@brott rambler but spooky) 1540478919.0
@topherflorence @NoraReed This was a wild ride.— Queer Eye for the Animorphs Reboot (@Queer Eye for the Animorphs Reboot) 1540412903.0
@topherflorence @seangentille I’m experiencing a new level of cringe right now— Helle Hansen 🌸 (@Helle Hansen 🌸) 1540423182.0
@topherflorence @ZaaackKoootzer This is the greatest thing I've seen all day— your very own monica bellucci dream (@your very own monica bellucci dream) 1540406700.0
@topherflorence @spacetwinks Optimistic engagement. Regret. 'How do you do, fellow kids.' Unity through shared outr… https://t.co/6VGrLNPZVp— Ink-stained @ MFF 2018 (@Ink-stained @ MFF 2018) 1540405582.0
@topherflorence @spacetwinks 2 is where they decided to hire a social media manager. 3 is when they decided to hire a different one.— Ink-stained @ MFF 2018 (@Ink-stained @ MFF 2018) 1540412100.0
@LaserBlade @topherflorence yeah i actually think they're pretty good croutons but then again they pay me to say that— cool dog mowing lawn (@cool dog mowing lawn) 1540436982.0
@topherflorence @mattfx This is magically funny like Goofy doing an unannounced set in a small black room— M💎R (@M💎R) 1540482697.0
@topherflorence @ZaaackKoootzer This is the greatest thing I've seen all day— your very own monica bellucci dream (@your very own monica bellucci dream) 1540406700.0
There's still an unanswered question.
@topherflorence I need to know the Malta story tho— NeoSorosbot (@NeoSorosbot) 1540423045.0
So who is Carl's Croutons anyway? Nobody knows. Just vote.
The MobiLimb was created by researchers in France and is made up of "five servo motors, an Arduino microcontroller and a sensor, and it can do a number of unsettling things that are straight out of nightmares," according to Engadget.
MobiLimb: Augmenting Mobile Devices with a Robotic Limb #UIST2018 @ACMUIST https://t.co/vm0fqHe2ga— HCI Research (@HCI Research) 1538308062.0
Marc Teyssier, a PhD student and one of the researchers behind the project for the dismembered limb, legitimized its existence.
"In the spirit of human augmentation, which aims at overcoming human body limitations by using robotic devices, our approach aims at overcoming mobile device limitations (static, passive, motionless) by using a robotic limb."
@HacksterPro @marcteyssier This is terrible.— Jason TheVirtualFAE (@Jason TheVirtualFAE) 1538435690.0
Th MobiLimb can prop itself up so you can watch a video, or provide an alternate way to grip your device.
But there's one function that is really disturbing.
The articulated digit can be skinned to resemble a human finger, and it can stroke your wrist while you're using your phone.
Someone implied that single people could benefit from this invention as a companion.
@Gingerheaddad Keep in mind that many people are alone, so any physical contact... #Yuck #Creepy #WhatTheHell— Ephraim Gopin (@Ephraim Gopin) 1538743523.0
"Reach out and touch someone": MobiLimb is awesome. https://t.co/HPq6FsefJv https://t.co/Dq7h7sSSCR— Bryan Alexander (@Bryan Alexander) 1538839006.0
What would the next-generation MobiLimb offer consumers?
@EphraimGopin I was hoping it would go full face-hugging alien. I better wait for the upgraded MobiLimb.— Jim Martin (@Jim Martin) 1538744153.0
@HCI_Research @ACMUIST https://t.co/qsY5O1Y0Ud— Henri Fischer (@Henri Fischer) 1538322698.0
@arduino https://t.co/h90xJNrwvH— Femtoduino (@Femtoduino) 1538511034.0
The attachment could come in handy should an unfortunate life-changing incident were to occur.
@HCI_Research @ACMUIST I want this! Not for the reason in some of the tweets below but you never know. I could use… https://t.co/C5inclfv8t— Kristina (Kricket) Hodgdon (@Kristina (Kricket) Hodgdon) 1538330323.0
But the gadget is still giving people goosebumps.
@HacksterPro @marcteyssier That is creepy. =)— GritsnGravy (@GritsnGravy) 1538412080.0
@MailOnline @JonathanHoenig That is terrifying.— W. Clayton (@W. Clayton) 1538811801.0
Others saw a more erotic potential.
@HacksterPro @marcteyssier Lol, the adult videos Industry is interested— Dario Glz (@Dario Glz) 1538690202.0
@HacksterPro @marcteyssier "why does your phone have a penis?"— Nolimb chan (@Nolimb chan) 1538413674.0
@theprojecttv Or, if your date searching goes awry, it could stroke whatever you want!— Matthew Barker🏳️🌈 (@Matthew Barker🏳️🌈) 1538717283.0
@MailOnline https://t.co/2SRRzsM72I— Matt ™ 🎃 (@Matt ™ 🎃) 1538811840.0
Now here's a function not advertised by MobiLimb's creators.
@EphraimGopin The MobiLimb is a terrible name. It should be named after its most important function: Bird Flipper.— Jim Martin (@Jim Martin) 1538743026.0
@Gingerheaddad Now THAT'S putting it to good use! Flip people off without taking your eyes off the screen. Perfect.— Ephraim Gopin (@Ephraim Gopin) 1538743134.0
Feelings are mixed. But the jury is in.
To be honest I don't like MobiLimb. But the point really is, I could be wrong.— Dr. Kenneth Huang (@Dr. Kenneth Huang) 1538801646.0
As to why such a creepy gadget was invented, we can't quite put our finger on it. But then, when it comes to consumers' needs, these guys may be out of touch.
The campaign is part of the Scottish government's One Scotland project in an effort to reduce hate crime.
"The provocative ads were produced by the Scottish Government and Police Scotland as part of the One Scotland campa… https://t.co/KjinQL9xXT— Lizanne Foster (@Lizanne Foster) 1537935300.0
One letter reads:
"Dear transphobes, do you think it's right to harass people in the street? Right to push transgender people around in clubs? Right to humiliate, intimidate and threaten them online? Well we don't."
"That's why if we see you doing harm, we're reporting you. We believe people should be allowed to be themselves. Except if they're spreading hate."
"Yours, Scotland."
(In another letter, the country says it has a "phobia" of homophobic behavior.
"If you torment people because of who they love, shout word that we are not going to write, or use violence because you don't like who someone is holding hands with, you should be worried."
"If we see or hear your abuse, we're calling the police. That's because love lives in this country, not hate."
"Yours, Scotland."
(One Scotland's website describes the organization as one that aims to continue building an inclusive society while recognizing the significant strides made so far towards equality.
"One Scotland embodies the inclusive society we want in Scotland, where equality and human rights are respected and every individual and minority group feels valued."
There is a new ad campaign against hate crimes in Scotland. “We are a caring nation, not a hating one”.… https://t.co/rfsiFjIq6V— Jen Yang Mezei (@Jen Yang Mezei) 1537975493.0
The website defines hate crimes as abuse that "can be verbal or physical and has hugely damaging effects on the victims, their families and communities, and we all must play our part to challenge it."
"Police Scotland takes hate crime very seriously. In the last year there were over 5,300 charges of hate crime reported to the Procurator Fiscal in Scotland1."
"However, there are many more incidents that go unreported. We all have a responsibility to report hate crime if we witness it – it's the only way we can challenge it, and put an end to it for good."
The fact that the Scottish government and police are behind this ad campaign is incredible. It's good to see at lea… https://t.co/zMrqDVrhed— TransgenderDate (@TransgenderDate) 1537900917.0
Justice minister Humza Yousaf is familiar with being a victim of a bigotry and is encouraging people to call out and report any incidents involving harassment.
"As somebody who has faced Islamaphobic and racial abuse over the years, I know how upsetting being a victim of hate can be. Hate crime and prejudice are completely unacceptable and we are absolutely committed to tackling it."
"We all have a role to play in stamping out prejudice and I would ask anyone who witnesses a hate crime to play their part and report it. Justice agencies such the police and Crown Office will deal sensitively with reports made and people should have confidence in how they will be treated. Last year there were over 5,300 charges of hate crime reported to the Procurator Fiscal in Scotland but there are still many incidents that are going unreported."
New Ad Campaign launching on billboards and ad spaces all over #Scotland tackles #hatecime. The Police Scotland a… https://t.co/VJFH0jprjP— Pinksixty (@Pinksixty) 1537896702.0
Henrietta Mochrie identifies as transgender and has been the victim of repeated harassment and abuse. She emphasized the importance of speaking out against the hatred.
"I'll often get street harassment, sometimes this has escalated to the point where I've been followed by people shouting abuse at me, just because of who I am."
"It makes me feel really down and scared to leave the house. It's important that if you witness hate crime that you report it to take a stand against hate."
One Scotland's ad campaign officially launched on Wednesday.
Hopefully, it won't take too long before other nations follow suit in this bold, yet necessary fight for equality.
H/T - OneScotland, PinkNews, Twitter