Too Cool....
Ask questions and be genuinely interested in my answers. Don't just ask a question then wait for your own turn to answer. Genuinely be curious about my work and my life, and ask follow up questions that show you're really trying to understand. This shows that you respect me for my experiences and knowledge, not just for what I could be for you.
And be honest about what you love. Don't try to be cool. Your passion about something silly or "nerdy" IS cool. Seeing someone gush about something they're interested in is really attractive. dogheavenjanet
No surprises.
Show up on time. Be well groomed but please god no cologne bath. Be polite. Ask questions! So many guys just blather on about themselves. Listen. Don't get distracted. Offering to pay is gracious, it's also antiquated and going dutch is fine too.
No surprises. Don't ask to go somewhere unplanned—it freaks us out and makes us think we may get murdered and put in a dumpster. Say what you're thinking! If you had a nice time or want to kiss us, say it! handleurscandal
To the Zoo....
I was on a date once where the guy surprised me by going to the zoo. When we were at the zoo he would get in front of me to open up the door but then would open it for himself and intentionally close it behind him leaving me standing there. I was so shocked and laughed so hard cause that's definitely the opposite... still make me laugh... that was one of the best dates. :) TennisBabel
Good Chat.
Be genuinely interested in what I have to say. The key is "genuine". Like if I mention a topic I like, I don't want you to spend ten mins telling me how much you know about that thing. I want to have a proper conversation. DramasticFantastic
No Dirty Stuff....
GiphyHe does not get sexual on the first date. No perverted comments, no trying to sleep with me. Also he needs to be kind not only to me but to the waiter as well. Queen_Aurelia
Needing Space.
Respect my autonomy. The amount of men who try to push my boundaries within minutes of meeting me is very disturbing to me. On my first date with my husband he asked if I'd like a drink and I said 'nah, it's Tuesday and I'm a lightweight' and later on he asked if I wanted to grab coffee after dinner and I said 'I had a great night, but I need to get going'. He didn't push me for a reason, he didn't buy me a drink anyway, he didn't get hurt feelings and lash out.
As a small women who is constantly picked up by guys (if you pick up women because they're small and you think it's funny then know that you suck because it's a terrible feeling), asked the same questions 20x in a row ("where do you live I'll take you home!" a guy once asked when I was out with a friend with no need for a ride home), touched or kissed, or had things bought for me that I definitely did not want it made me feel SO SAFE to meet someone who had a clear understanding of boundaries.
My husband was also super polite to staff, a great and appropriate conversationalist, and exactly the right amount of dressed up, but most men I know can do that and COMPLETELY fail at boundaries. rickybakerahah
Lost Connection.
There are a lot of reasons why a woman doesn't want a second date that has nothing to do with you. She may realize she is not ready for a new relationship. You may have done everything right and she just may not have felt a connection. Unfortunately, ghosting seems easier than being honest to some. Queen_Aurelia
"text me to let me know that you got home safe."
GiphyActually planning out a date, not just repeating "I dunno, whatever you wanna do is cool." Having a generally positive outlook/disposition, being kind to everyone we encounter, being funny but still polite, asking interesting and thought-provoking questions, doing gentlemanly things like opening the car door. If there is a clear connection/attraction: being confident about going in for a kiss at the end of the night, but without necessarily the expectation that it will lead to sex right away. Saying "text me to let me know that you got home safe." Obeezy_12
I Got a List.
- Suggests a place
- Arrives on time or early
- Puts effort into his appearance
- Is attentive while I'm talking
- Doesn't bring up exes
- Smiles
- Makes me laugh
- Maintains eye contact
- Is nice to the waitstaff
- Doesn't check his phone
- Waits with me until my Uber arrives scorpio-mood
Be Kind.
GiphyDecent conversation of course, with both people asking questions about each other with genuine interest, but also- being okay with silences, and not feeling awkward when the conversation falls into a natural lull for a few moments, just picking up another topic when one comes to mind, and giving everyone a moment to catch their breath. Also, walking me to my car after gets bonus points, personally. And a "let me know when you get home safe" or something like that melts my heart. just_moss
very sexy.....
GiphyPay attention, no phones, no distractions. My current partner noticed the waiter bought me the wrong drink order, not bad enough for me to worry about. He calmly and kindly corrected and arranged for a replacement, no fuss, no rudeness, just made sure I got what I wanted... very sexy. Jayjayjune
Being Handled.
I went on a date once with an older guy and the waiter got both his drink and his food incorrect. I would've been annoyed and let it show a little but my date was kind both times when asking for a correction. It was quite sexy how he handled the situation. I felt almost intimidated by how smoothly he handled it. GLaDOs18
Be Refreshing.
Being genuine. I love it when a guy on a date actually seems to be feeling me out as a friend instead of just a potential hookup. (I.e. not afraid to engage in a friendly debate, doesn't agree with everything I say) it's so refreshing. meganmcdevitt0
Grinning....
Actually listening to what I have to say. My current boyfriend and I had a 12 hour first date because neither of us could stop talking. We just clicked and allowed each other to respond and actually listened.
Also, a deadly sense of humor gets me every time. He told me a risky one liner about thirty minutes into knowing me and it paid off big time. Still haven't forgotten the grin that came along with it once I started to laugh. dardardarrr
"an associate"
GiphyMy biggest weakness is getting a meaningful convo going. It gets to be like an interview and I have yet to get anywhere with anyone because it's like talking to a coworker you'd consider "an associate" friendly, but not a friend. Maybe so far I've just had no chemistry yet? TheDragonLake
A Few Things.
- Is polite to any staff
- Looks like they put an effort in
- Shows up on time
- Good conversation!
- Doesn't badmouth exes
- Doesn't drink too much
- Doesn't spend it on their phone
First ones that come to mind! ladykerbs
A guy that smiles.....
A guy that smiles, makes me laugh, seems interested in how I'm doing, flirts but isn't overly love-bombing or fake-charming, is nice to the waitstaff. I actually like if a little nervousness shows, as long as they're able to reciprocate in the conversation. LadyGuillotine
It isn't a hook up.
If you are on a date then do what you are supposed to. Be interested, show who you are and be in the moment. Don't be preoccupied with your phone, don't get hammered, and don't assume sex. If you are on a date you are giving the impression you are interested. It isn't a hook up. Pritapia01
"this fool is gonna murder me"
Which boxes are we talking about here? The "I must immediately make this man mine and keep him forever" boxes or the "this fool is gonna murder me" boxes?
edit: I have heard the will of the people and given the boxes:
The boxes are now yours. beepborpimajorp
In Your Eyes.
GiphyMaking eye contact during conversation. Not looking at his phone. bread_cats_dice