Things People Discovered After A First Date That Were A Total Deal-breaker
Reddit user tjeast asked: 'What did you find out after a first date that was a deal-breaker?'
As much as we would love to be able to date one person, for that to be the right person for us, and for the two of us to get on with our life together, we all know it's going to take at least a few tries to find the perfect match.
But some of these matches make us want to throw in the towel.
You've got to listen to your gut (and your eyes) when you sense a red flag.
Redditor tjeast asked:
"What did you find out after a first date that was a deal-breaker?"
Just... A Couple... Of Red Flags
"I found out that he had restraining orders against him from not one, but two exes. He also asked if he could move in with me on the first date."
- lalalabeeee
An Ex Collector
"On the surface, he was a lawyer with an Ivy League degree. Then just one layer deep, he had six kids with five different women."
"One of his exes hated him so much that she took their kids to Germany to get away from him."
"And the kicker (yes, more than the Germany ex)? His youngest was six months old and he was sleeping on his latest ex's couch."
- Banjo-Becky
Questionable Connections
"I met up for drinks with a woman, and she started telling me about how she thought I’d get along with her brother. After a couple of drinks, we ended up at the bar where her brother worked. He's a h**l of a guy."
"We kept playing hair metal on the jukebox and drinking beers. She went from saying I would get along with her brother to I remind her of her brother. The more she drank, the more she said it."
"We ended up making out, and she started repeating the s**t about her brother while trying to get something going with me."
"I made sure she got home safe, but that s**t creeped me out so much that I never spoke to her again."
- weeew87
Secret Babies
"Prior to our first date, he said he didn't have any kids."
"While he was driving me home after our first date, he mentioned that he hated letting his baby mama use his car because she always messed with the radio stations and that it took forever to get his seat adjusted back to how he liked it."
"I was just out of high school and wasn't looking to date anyone with kids. With how disrespectful he was during our date, finding out that he had a kid was an automatic deal breaker for me."
"He then kept calling and texting me and after I blocked his number he kept creating new social media accounts to get a hold of me because he wanted to go for a second date and kept bringing up that he was making good money so I'd be an idiot to say no to him."
- 2baverage
Specific Looks Wanted
"My date kept trying to braid my hair, lol (laughing out loud). At first, it seemed weird, but not like a deal-breaker, but then he KEPT asking."
"The first time he asked, we were walking through the park, and I was telling a story, but he interrupted me, asking, 'Can I please braid your hair?'"
"I laughed, politely said no, and continued talking, but he kept interrupting, asking to braid my hair."
"I asked why, but all he said was, 'I just want to braid it,' and kept reaching for my head. I swatted his hand away a few times, and when that didn't work, I told him I was ready to go home."
"It was so creepy!"
- TheDahliaXO
Her Body, Not His Plans
"He told me that he couldn’t wait to have kids with me and that he had picked out our kids’ names."
"When I told him that this was our first date and that I wasn’t sure about kids and that this was a super creepy thing to say to me, he insisted it was my duty as a woman and that it would make me very happy."
"Yeah, there was no second date."
- NymeriasWrath
Just Practicing for Thanksgiving!
"He was a felon. He had a really unbelievable story about being locked out of his ex’s house and he broke in while JUST HAPPENING to be holding a rifle from Turkey hunting. Terrifying."
- _lmmk_
Very Different Interests
"She got off on watching the guys she was with get in fights. She gave some dude the come-f**k-me eyes and then expected me to brawl when he came up to hit on her. F**k no, girl, maybe you can catch a ride home with him."
- discussatron
No Third Wheels
"Her other guy showed up in the middle of our date. She said, 'Can I talk with him for a minute?'"
"I said, 'Sure,' and then walked out the door and never looked back."
- New2ThisThrowaway
Not a Good Morning
"She was married. We met at a bar and left together. We went and had dinner, saw a movie, and she spent the night."
"The next morning she said, 'I wonder if my husband figured out I didn’t come home.'"
"Then she asked me for a ride to work, and I got a ticket because she didn’t wear her seatbelt."
- PM_ME_THEM_TACOS_GURL
Totally Wrong
"He asked me to pay for his court fees, that was my turn-off, so I wanted to leave to end the date."
"I said my goodbyes, and then he threatened to tell the whole restaurant I was having an affair and cheated on him if I left."
"I stayed in fear of embarrassment."
"Later, I excused myself to the restroom where I made my escape to the door. He saw me from the window."
"I saw him coming out, so I ran a bit, and when I looked back, he was chasing me. (I got away, but wow.)"
- Ok-Ambassador-8982
Supporting the Arts
"He was a really bad magician. He brought cards and everything, but he couldn’t land a trick."
"I felt bad and took him up on a second date, but that was it."
- Durdengrl322
Financial Investments
"He lost a pile of money in crypto and NFTs. But he still tried to convince me to get my money into it."
- hanginwithyuka
"Some people cannot be saved from themselves."
- Creative_Recover
Unrealized Love
"I think she was in love with her best friend and didn't realize it."
"She told me she and her long-time best friend she called her 'wifey' lived together in a single room with the friend's baby. She said that this friend always comes first and they're inseparable. They also have gotten kicked out like three times from house to house."
"She left the date early because whoever they were renting from was threatening to kick them out."
"We never really talked again but I wanted to tell her she shouldn't be dating because she's already in a relationship."
- PupEDog
We've all heard of first date fails, terrible dates in general, and big relationship deal-breakers, but just the same, we can completely understand how these were such major deal-breakers.
From lying about their real life to trying to involve us in something we're not interested in, there are some people who are simply not meant for us because their lives are just too different from ours. And that's okay!
The Biggest Mistakes People Make In Relationships
Reddit user Valuable-Ad440 asked: 'What do you think is the biggest mistake people make in relationships?'
Dating experiences can be incredibly fun and even formative, but it can also be full of tough and painful lessons.
With each relationship, we're bound to learn things that we don't like or aren't looking for in our next partner.
Redditor Valuable-Ad440 asked:
"What do you think the biggest mistake is that people make in relationships?"
Not Apologizing
"Not being able to apologize. If someone tells you they're upset with you, you don't need to argue back."
- TheGame1126
Being Defensive
"Not being able to hear your partner expressing their own needs or constructive critiques without getting defensive."
"You should be able to hear your partner out with concern and curiosity, and THEN address your own feelings that happened as a result of their words. If you can’t have a difficult conversation without being overwhelmed by your own insecurities, you’re not ready to be in a relationship."
- greengiant1101
Too Many Compromises
"Compromising when they started the relationship, and then regret sets in and destroys the relationship."
- Damseldoll
(Not) Winning Arguments
"Trying to 'win' arguments. The goal should be to solve disagreements as a team, not come out as the victor."
- DoublePelix
Not Dating Their Best Friend
"Your partner not being your friend, too."
- Wonderful-Note9289
"Back when we were dating, my wife once told me that I was her boyfriend, but also her friend. I found that odd. Then she pointed out that her ex never had had the potential to be her friend. They just didn't match."
"Since then, I realized how important this is."
- Lvcivs2311
Lack of Communication or Acceptance
"So many people jump straight to 'lack of communication,' but more often than not the problem is refusing to accept what your partner is communicating."
"Communication skills can always be better, but a lack of understanding or willingness to compromise around the difference in each other's needs leads to resentment really quickly. Once you resent each other, it's game over, there's no real way to come back from that."
- alk6489
Taking Others for Granted
"Taking the other person’s love, time, empathy, or patience for granted."
- thebuffyb0t
"Or holding onto a relationship that isn't making you happy out of some hope that the other person will stop taking those things for granted."
"Both are non-starters."
- sophistre
Different Values
"I would rephrase this as 'people are their values and what they value.'"
"If you want a big family and they want to be child-free, you’re not compatible."
"If you are a homebody and they have wanderlust, one of you is going to be miserable."
"If they are fixated on their career and external signs of success and you are more interested in experiences and togetherness, you’re both going to resent each other."
"If you have significantly different political outlooks, it’s going to poison how you see each other over time."
"The first person to say yes to you may not be the right person for you long term. You need to talk about your values and life goals, and if they don’t align, don’t sit there hoping the other person will compromise who they are for you, or expect yourself to compromise who you are for them."
"Respect each other enough to recognize you aren’t the right life partner and move on."
- Fraerie
Getting Married First
"Waiting until you’re too far in to discuss marriage and kids. That’s an issue that needs to be hammered in before you completely shut yourself off from anyone else."
- DefinitelyNotADave
"Tons of people have those tough discussions way too late. Kids, in-law interactions and responsibilities, finances, living situations, household chores, medical issues, and future plans ALL should be discussed before getting married."
"If you don't have an answer for that now, you're going to have to find an answer soon enough. All of these things WILL be faced throughout your lifetime together. It's better to find out if you're completely incompatible before signing that paper. Or at least you've got a plan of how to face things together."
- buyongmafanle
Helping Around At Home
"My girl has been on vacation for about two weeks and f**k, I hate cooking, man!"
"I should help her prep some of the food. It's just more time-consuming than anything else. But yeah, when she gets back, I'll start helping her more. I eat a s**t ton, so yeah."
- Deads4dayz
"Start now, impress her with your effort when she gets back, and tell her you realized how much time she was putting in. Can't go wrong."
- orionicly
"Learn some knife skills on youtube, it can cut your prep time by 50% easily. I've seen people spend ten minutes on a single onion, smh (shaking my head)."
- DaoNight23
"And clean as you cook! Something is simmering on the stove and you can step away for five minutes? Don’t kill time on the couch, clean your workstation! Then when it’s time to serve, you have only a minimal amount of cleanup left to do."
- Youareaharrywizard
"CAYG or Clean As You Go is taught in professional kitchens everywhere for a reason, it’s a proven strategy to keep things clean."
"That and 'if you have time to lean, you have time to clean,' but that one is less popular."
- its_justme
Getting Too Comfortable
"I think it's a combination of getting so comfortable with somebody that you take things for granted, stop doing the little things, and stop communicating."
- Rathemon
"Been feeling this recently. My girlfriend and I moved in together nearly two years ago, and our relationship improved so much when we did, but it has led to me taking things for granted."
"I'm traveling at the moment, and I haven't seen her in nearly a month, and I'm really missing just existing together. Even something as simple as sleeping next to each other, I miss it like crazy, but it's not something I think of as much when we're both at home."
- V0lkhari
Committing 100/100
"Thinking that it's one person's work. A successful relationship needs commitment and work from both parties."
- Mapache_villa
"I find that as the woman, I’m usually carrying the emotional load and it’s f**king exhausting. Talking about feelings, initiating tough conversations, etc. I won’t do it anymore."
- pattimay_ho_nnaise
Having Children to Love
"Believing that having a child will fix their problems."
"Great job, now the THREE of you are in a sucky situation and now are forever tied through a choice you both made instead of just working it out OR separating, both options that would've been a lot less messy and complicated, not to mention that the kid is now stuck between something that's not their responsibility to fix and now they're suffering through it."
"'Compromising' on big life decisions, it never ends well."
- ThanosWifeAkima-4848
Knowing When to Say Goodbye
"Not leaving or ending a relationship when it needs to be ended. Sometimes the best thing to do is to walk away."
- toosickto
That About Sums It Up
"Not 'dating' their partner after getting married and having kids."
"Not communicating."
"Not being on the same page when it comes to finances, household responsibilities, and boundaries with external family."
"Simply not prioritizing their partner."
- vtfb79
These responses came from people who clearly regretted decisions they'd made in relationships or been on the receiving end, neither of which likely felt very pleasant.
As much as we always hop for our dating efforts to be worth it and for every relationship to work out, we all know that some relationships are not destined to work out.
But sometimes relationships end for totally valid reasons, and sometimes the reasons are painful, if not devastating.
Redditor overIorded asked:
"What went wrong with your last partner?"
History Repeating Itself
"He cheated on me. And I was glad because that was finally reason enough to allow myself to leave."
"Now I know somebody who's in the same situation. They're trapped. And she's such a gentle and fun person who's afraid to leave him because 'well, it's always been like this, I'm used to it,' and 'I deserve it.'"
"She wants to leave him, she knows she should leave him, but it's so hard to do it, and I know that feeling."
"I'm thinking I should give her my phone number like when the day comes you've had enough, I'll gladly come to help you move out from that s**thole."
- NmlsFool
Mental Health Struggles
"I'm lost in my own trauma and mental illness and he deserves better than anything I have to offer right now."
- Last-Celery7146
"I’ve been on the receiving end of this, and mildly said, it absolutely ruined me. Her trauma and mental problems were BAD, but I still wanted to be with them. So if you ask me, as long as they can give you the space and support you need, and want to be with you, let them make the decision."
- emilersen
"It's also fair and mature to care very much about someone but realize that you only have the emotional bandwidth to take care of yourself right now."
"I'm sure it was very hard for both of you to come to terms with that decision. I don't think it's that he deserves better, I think it's that your attention needs to be on guiding yourself through this thicket of trauma and mental illness before you can be someone else's partner. You can love each other very much but also acknowledge that you don't have the tools to spare for a relationship right now."
"I'm proud of you for focusing on your own mental health and someday, when you have more emotional stability and energy, I hope you find a wonderful partner."
- SpoonAtKnifeFight
Relationship Styles
"We disagreed on how many women he was allowed to date. I’m very strong on monogamy and have no interest in someone (in a supposedly committed relationship) that isn’t."
- Altrano
At Least There's That
"Her psychotic brother tried to kill me. Thankfully he has a Stormtrooper's aim..."
- Active-Plate7939
"Hate the attempted murder, love the 'Star Wars' reference."
- letmetellyousom
Childfree Living
"He wanted a big family, like, six kids, all-natural. Obviously, he wouldn't be birthing them. This was very important to him while I was pretty ambivalent about kids, and the further into my adulthood I've gotten, the more I've realized I just don't want to be pregnant."
"I broke it off so we could both get the lives we wanted. He was also quite a bit more conservative than me, and at the time closeted pansexual person, and some stuff he believed just didn't line up with what I believed. It hurt, but it was amicable."
"Now he has a wife and kids like he wanted, and I am happily partnered and childfree. It worked out for the best."
- Free-Government5162
Family Ties
"She hated that I had a healthy relationship with my family and was trying to find ways to sabotage it."
- Cobra-Serpentress
"Similar aspect to mine, she hated my sister and mother because she had a bad relationship with her sister and mother. She would get mad at me whenever I brought my family up."
- letmetellyousom
Quality Time
"My last boyfriend dumped me because I got mad that he was coming to Dallas after I hadn't seen him for two months, but didn't want to see me."
"He was going to meet up with some friends of his he hadn't seen in a few months. I told him that was fine with me, but I felt he should make time to see me too since we hadn't seen each other in two months and we were supposed to be a couple."
"He responded to my anger by ghosting me. That was two years ago."
- dallasmysterylover
Distracted with a Punch
"A girl contacted me about him talking to her. I asked him what was going on, and he sucker-punched me in the face."
- Brilliant-Victory128
Projecting Insecurities
"He cheated on me for all six years we were together and then accused me of cheating on him, even though I wasn't allowed to leave the house."
"I'm also pretty sure he slept with my sister-in-law when my brother and I went to pick up dinner."
- Affectionate_Egg1252
Children Come First
"He was and still is no father to his kids, has anger issues, and probably has other mental health issues. I tried for years to help him and help the relationship, but he wasn't having it. After seeing how my oldest suffered under him, I had to leave."
- rintan13
Poor Communication
"I communicated how I felt about many things in the relationship. He never communicated about anything."
- aj_oof0323
"Oh look, it's the last 14 years of my life..."
- empathetic111
"I'm guilty of this, and boy, do I regret not being able to open up about my feelings. It cost me my marriage. But now I'm trying to be more open and share my thoughts and feelings. Just wished I could've done this earlier than later."
Deserving Better
"I started drinking again and became a miserable a**hole due to my own depression and my s**tty job. As such, she didn't get the attention she deserved, and had to put up with my s**tty mood all the time... so she left. I don't blame her."
"So, it was me. I don't know if I trust myself with a relationship again, but aside from the shame of knowing I hurt someone who I loved, and loved me back, but I was too self-absorbed and selfish, I am trying to be a better human to everyone."
"And to my ex: You'll find someone again... someone better."
- cracksintheegg
Big Moves
"He wanted to move to Alaska to be with some girl he was 'friends' with before me."
- dont_be_trash
Alzheimer's Disease
"My ex's early-onset Alzheimers (at the age of 50) and the resulting violence, paranoia, and irrational thinking. I tried to honor my vows, but he was so far out there, I feared for my life."
- No_Transportation258
Different Definitions of Marriage
"She cheated on me after five years total together, the last one of which was while we were engaged. She cheated on me for months, all while I was planning the wedding, working part-time, and going to graduate school so I can support us comfortably in the future."
"I planned on giving her everything I could and sharing the rest of my life with her, and apparently she didn’t care."
- Mountaingoat1001
This conversation just goes to show that relationships can end for all kinds of reasons. Even in relationships where there is still a lot of love and committment, the relationship can still end, just like how the relationship can end suddenly because of a surprising and devastating realization.
Some people are not destined to be friends, and some are absolutely not compatible to date.
But sometimes we don't find that out until we're already dating them, and they reveal a belief they have that we feel is completely ridiculous.
Redditor Ghost7579ox asked:
"When did you realize that you’re dating an idiot?"
Issues with Big Brother
"She refused to pay taxes, have a bank account, or pay for public transit."
"She told me, 'I change my name every few years so they can't find me.'"
"Like, she'd go to the GOVERNMENT and change her name. Legally. So the GOVERNMENT couldn't find her."
"We broke up for other reasons, but this was the first red flag."
- GreasyBud
Enough Said.
"She pre-heats the microwave."
- seanm3109
Parenting Fail
"When I mentioned WW1, and she asked if that was why they called WW2 'THE SECOND WORLD WAR?!'"
"She had no idea there was a first one."
"Her parents also taught her that a guy masturbating and a girl having a period were basically the same thing as abortions. No wonder she was one of 11 siblings."
- plattman1992
Not a Guitar Player
"It was in high school, but I got an acoustic guitar to try to learn. I asked my boyfriend who claimed to have played if he could tune it for me."
"This motherf**ker literally turned it all the tight that the f**king bridge ripped off and then acted like it was a piece of junk."
"It was a cheap guitar but he literally wasn't listening for the notes or anything and just turning away and acting shocked, when even I thought that's exactly what would happen not knowing anything about guitars."
- aoi4eg
Just Slow Down
"The cops regularly put a speed camera on a corner near his house. They have been doing it a couple of times a month for as long as he lived there, and he got caught by it many times."
"He was crying to me (literally) about how unfair the latest fine was and he had no money to pay it, I was fed up and told him to just slow down around that corner."
"I could tell from the look on his face he hadn't even considered that, and he got angry with me for not being sensitive enough."
- quokkafarts
Stick It to the Man
"She skipped going to community college classes to 'stick it to the professor'..."
"I had to explain that she had already paid to be there and the professor wouldn't care or notice."
- griffinman01
Just Checking
"The day I told my girlfriend I think I broke my toe and her solution was to yank on it with all her might."
"It was gout."
- jangasaurus
A Dealbreaker
"She was struggling with money and being able to save. I came home one day and she had a new 40k car in the driveway. She purchased it without even discussing it with me."
"She essentially sentenced herself to have no savings for the next five years when we were trying to save to buy a house together."
- AccomplishedScar6582
Gas Leak Roulette
"The night I said that I thought I smelled gas, and they grabbed a lighter and struck it without hesitation."
- Usr_145
Sonic: The Horror Movie
"My ex was scared of hedgehogs and convinced himself they could jump over a six-foot fence like a cat."
- victoria-euphoria
The Knife Tip of Narcissism
"When I asked her to hand me a kitchen knife and she threw it at me (underhanded, but still)… and that’s not even the stupidest part."
"When I tried to explain the basics of handing someone a knife, or pair of scissors, she refused to accept that what she did was wrong or unsafe… It was suddenly apparent that she couldn’t possibly ever admit to being wrong."
- saucytopcheddar
Advertising's Version of 'Groundhog Day'
"An ex thought that commercials were recorded live, and the people on TV were employed to do them over and over again."
- KibblesNBixtch3s
How the Cookie Crumbles
"She worked for a specialty decorated cookie shop at the mall. Like where you get those dinner plate-sized cookies with 'Get Well Soon' or whatever written in frosting."
"She texted me a picture from work, proudly showing me a cookie she had decorated for a customer. She was legitimately excited to show me her creation. I had not previously seen any of her masterpieces prior to this."
"Not only did the artwork look like a three-year-old's finger painting, but it said, 'CONRADULATINS,' which aside from the obviously bad spelling, she had clearly not even planned out the spacing in her head first, so it said, 'CONRADU,' across the whole cookie, and then, in tiny letters up the side, 'latins.'"
" She thought it came out pretty well. She was about 30 at the time."
"I'll be honest, I broke things off shortly afterwards because of that cookie."
- Asleep_Onion
Pyramid Schemes
"After her third 'business opportunity' turned out to be another pyramid scheme."
"We didn't date long but knew each other for a while before that. I liked her for her 'work hard, get paid' attitude. Turns out the hard work she was doing was costing her waaay more than she made, and didn't realize it."
- Aelerious
"I broke down how pyramid schemes work to this one girl who got sucked into them all the time. Throughout my explaining, she said, 'That sounds like MLM,' like three times. After, we sat in silence. Can't see the forest for the trees comes to mind."
- IRealEWannaSay
Inexperienced with... Weather?
"One night he turned to me and said, 'You're a bit of a scientist' (I was taking biology in high school, he was in college for music). 'Can you explain how I can take frozen yogurt from the freezer, put it in the fridge, and it melts?'"
"I, already concerned, replied, 'Well, the fridge is warmer. It's not cold enough to keep it frozen.'"
"He then asked, 'But it's still cold?'"
"And I had to explain that there are different levels of cold?"
"Somewhere along the way, I said, 'Cold is the absence of heat like darkness is the absence of light,' and he was so mindblown by that."
- marceliiine
Not every relationship is meant to work out, but there are some that are more obviously destined to continue than others.
At least in most of these cases, the person was saved some time because of their partner's knowledge.
While dating can be a wonderful experience, it can also be unnecessarily complicated and not all it's cracked up to be.
For some, it's simply easier to remain single and independent, rather than to be left guessing by a potential partner.
Redditor chewysnacc asked:
"What is stopping you from getting a partner right now?"
Lack of Communication
"It kinda seems like everyone I meet and am interested in is already dating/in a situation with someone. I get plenty of connections on dating apps but they usually just stop replying."
- TwoChaptersIn
Missed Opportunities
"I’m too shy and don’t meet new people. My life is a cycle of waking up, university, sleep, and when I get opportunities, I don’t take them."
- Arcofly
Grief Takes a Toll
"I just lost my wife after years of illness and have no desire for another relationship."
- gtnair
"It's been four years now since her death after a three and a half year fight that she put up. We spent 12 years together and I still just can't bring myself to really go out there again when all I want is her back."
- Anunnaki2522
Feeling Unworthy
"Being a 62-year-old dishwasher with no money."
- thomas4004
"I met my current partner while I was a dishwasher. There are people out there for everyone. Don't focus on what you don't have."
- JustwantedAUsername
In Need of a Solo Journey
"I'm just not ready for one. The biggest reason is laziness, probably."
"The idea of being in a relationship is way more appealing than the actual responsibilities involved in my current stage. Relationships take work, and I'm not gonna just half-a** it like an a**hole when I can't guarantee that I'd fully commit."
"I'd just be wasting somebody's time and that's not fair to them. Plus, there are plenty of things that I'm already not putting enough time into that are way more pressing.""
- PEEWUN
"Yeah. I hear this."
"It’s not necessarily that I’m too lazy to get into a relationship and be with someone. Instead, after six months, I start becoming 'lazy' and want to do my own things by myself waaaaay more frequently, and it’s pushed every girl I’ve been with away."
"I’m probably destined to remain single. However, I’ve become entirely content with that. Sometimes I do miss having a partner and the advantages of having a partner, but those reasons are purely selfish on my own part."
"Partly blame being an only child with parents that both worked 60+ hours a week. I’m far from upset by it though. Instead, I cherish the fact that I can be nearly 100% content being alone."
- Blacksheepoftheworld
Self-Improvement Era
"Just got out of a toxic relationship where we both played our part in being toxic. I‘m currently working on myself so it doesn’t happen in my next relationship again."
- Crounty
"I'm working on myself. I'm in no position to date anybody and have nothing substantial to give another person right now. I need everything I have to fix me."
- scienceforbid
Procrastination: The Dating Edition
"Pragmatically speaking? Nothing really, maybe some internalized form of procrastination?"
"I keep myself decently well-maintained mentally, emotionally, and physically. Career-wise/professionally, I've built myself up as a pretty well-rounded person and although I've still got a ways to go, I'm decently stable with my currently established work-life balance."
"And I'm also a decently well-socialized person who interacts well with the public, can hold a conversation, and is decent at paying attention to social cues and body language."
"If I actually tried to get into the dating game, I'm decently confident that I could do okay for myself and my partner; but I guess I just haven't had a reason to actually take that initiative step..."
- mythrilcrafter
The Introvert Has Entered the Chat
"My pathetic social battery and conversational skills."
- Capt-N3M0
Updated Priorities
"I'm divorced with a three-year-old boy in my mid-30s."
"It’s a minefield out here, and my threshold for nonsense is way lower than my threshold for loneliness."
- ChickensPickins
Ableist Thinking
"My wheelchair. I’m completely self-sufficient and independent. I’m a moderately attractive 29-year-old male, I’m in good shape and have a very active and athletic background."
"Girls simply won’t look past it and treat me like a human. I don’t identify as a wheelchair or as disabled, I identify as human, treat me like one."
- DocShaayy
Wrong Place, Wrong Time
"I don't go to places where it is socially acceptable to approach women often. I hate loud a** clubs, don't go to many concerts, and really don't go to bars much. I don't really have a friend group, either. Even when I do go, I don't even know how to do it. I can talk to them, but that never goes anywhere."
- HooterEnthusiast
Prioritizing Trust
"Just some trust issues and with no one around me who is genuinely interested in getting a long-lasting relationship."
- lilac_skyy
Dating in Real-Time
"Maybe it's just not the right time for me."
- common_Database_1322
"Sitcoms and tv/social make everything appear like it happens fast."
"Time in real life is an important factor."
"'Right Now' only works for people who have the privilege to choose and we all know if you have the privilege to choose, you have the power to wait."
"Life is crazy."
- typesett
Social Cues
"I am a high functioning Autistic and have issues interacting with strangers. My looks are good enough to get dates with women I find attractive, but they are generally put off by my lack of eye contact and I'm unable to tell if they like me or not."
"I've actually botched quite a few dates where I thought they weren't into me, but I thought we'd make good friends so I stated so. They stopped talking to me after that."
- MrStealYoBichonFrise
A New Season in Life
"Just got out of a marriage with someone I’ve spent 12 years with. I’m starting to enjoy my new freedom. I get to do what I want when I want. I don’t have to worry about explaining any purchases. I’ve been able to give up weed since I’m not around her."
"Even though it was a traumatic experience initially, I’m starting to thrive and my friends and family have noticed a difference in my attitude and anxiety. Even though she was a big part of my life and I still feel love for her, it’s becoming clear that our time together has come to an end. We were what we needed for that season in life."
"Plus I got an awesome kid out of it."
- No_Key_6276
This conversation was a great reminder of how similar we all are, in the sense of experiencing insecurities and living through parts of our lives when it's more important to work on ourselves than to develop a new relationship.
But there was hope in these responses, as well. Most of these reasons are temporary, but even if they are long-lasting, there are others who have managed to date under those same conditions.