Just another straw article....
1. Blame it on the r-r-r-r-r-root beer
I was 18 years old. I was at a company dinner for a computer store that I worked at at the time. We were going out of business, so they threw us one last hoorah at a steakhouse. Ribs, steaks, oh god it was so good.
I've been a teetotaller my entire life, so I was enjoying a root beer as usual. A really beautiful waitress came to my table to talk to us. I'd had 3-4 root beers at this point, so I was feeling really confident, and I said something like "So, uh, you...you like...waitressing?" or something equally clever.
Many mistakes were made that night, but the biggest one happened right here. After I asked her the question, I kept my eyes locked with hers to demonstrate my confidence, held my drink to my mouth, and tried to locate the straw with my lips instead of looking at it. My lips fished around the glass for the longest eight seconds of my life, and in that moment, time completely slowed down and this look of absolute horror grew across the waitress's face. With each passing second she realized what a complete loser I am. I must have looked like a horse whispering something in French. By the time I actually found the straw, she got the hell out of there, and I was left alone slurping down my last root beer, among all my coworkers. There wouldn't be a single refill from that point on; I didn't need to ask to know it.
My friends made fun of me for years. I'm 29 now, and they still bring it up when we get together for dinner sometimes. I never used a straw again after that night.
2. Moth-er of pearl!
My husband found a pantry moth that had died stuck to the inside of his straw. After he'd already been drinking from it for a while.
3. Dammit, Brad! I told you to stop putting straws in my camel's backpack.
When it broke the camels back. That was my only camel.
4. On a more serious note: animals need us to quit it with straws
Serious answer: That video of that turtle with a straw stuck in his bleeding nose. It was so sad.
5. On another serious note: it's hard to be sexy with a straw
I was trying to be sexy at the bar and as I went for the straw I poked my eye. Not very sexy.
6. Thank goodness for laziness
I had jaw surgery so I was (am still) numb from my bottom lip to my chin. This made it somewhat difficult to drink from a glass so I (Continued)
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used straws for a while. Then I ran out of my box of straws so I decided that was the last straw and learned to drink like my regular self again.
7. Again with the sea turtle (it's really impacted a lot of people, apparently)
I saw this video of somebody who found with a sea turtle with a straw stuck in its nose and removed it. It's horrific and pretty awful to watch. I don't need top use straws and I don't want to make more plastic ocean junk.
8. Okay gender norms, whatever...
One of the Senior VP's of my company told me: "A gentleman never drinks through a straw," so I haven't used one since.
9. That's one way to do it, I suppose
The first time I ever went to bar I was drinking from a straw. This drunk guy walked up to me, took my straw out, threw it on the ground and said: "straws are for idiots!"
Haven't used a straw since.
10. Is this actually a thing? Someone please tell me, I'm serious
Fear of repeated straw usage giving me a bad case of "old lady mouth."
11. So... that's how they make cherry sprite?
I had one go up my nose on a date once. Sprite turned into cherry sprite and the date ended in shame and blood.
12. "I'm a surface level person".
I like drinking the surface of my drink not the bottom of it.
13. I'm pretty sure there's a support group for people like this
True story, I got a brain freeze from a mountain dew Baja blast freeze... I went back in for the death slurp where your (Continued)
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head just barely stops hurting and your a glutton for punishment. Due to messed up vision and sensory deprivation I ended up jamming the straw into the corner of my eye..
So there I am, brain freeze full swing, straw sticking into the corner of my eye and laughing uncontrollably at myself while everyone is looking on.
I decided then and there to cut the excess straw off anything that requires a straw. If I can swing it I go bareback and just drink it straight up.
14. Everything always comes down to Tom Hanks
When I was 15 or so, Tom Hanks in "That Thing You Do" was at a bar and said "I'll have one of these with no straw." I thought it was so baller, I haven't had a straw since.
15. Confidence. That'll do the trick.
Because I suck at nothing.
16. Illegal soft drink paraphernalia: an award-winning memoir
I grew up poor. My parents were only able to put food on the table by peddling illegal soft drink paraphernalia across the border from Nevada to Utah. The only way they could do this without getting caught was by the use of our pack animal: a camel named Uncle Bob. The customs agents were so shocked at the sight of a camel, they usually wouldn't search us, and even if they did, they never would have suspected that Uncle Bob's second hump was just a furry stowage compartment.
One day, pop found out that there was a supplier who needed more proboscis' than we typically were able to hide on Uncle Bob. We tried and tried to rent a second camel to no avail. This left us with only the option of loading down Uncle Bob.
I'll never forget that day. We stuffed straws into the poor beast of burdens hidden compartment as he groaned under the weight. I pleaded with my father on behalf of the great beast. "He can't take anymore, father! PLEASE STOP!!" I no more got the words out of my mouth when suddenly, as father attempted to pack just one more item of contraband, Uncle Bob let out a tortured groan in sync with a loud snapping sound as his back suddenly sagged. I scorned my father for being so greedy and we never spoke again.
And THAT was the straw that broke the camels back.
17. They're horrible for the environment
One of my environmentally conscious friends introduced me to the idea that straws are harmful to the environment. And honestly I never really use them anyway, so I stopped using them!
18. Straws can be detrimental to your drinking experience
Flavor is not so simple as the chemicals of the drink entering your mouth. There are other sensations. For example, the (Continued)
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temperature, the feeling on your lips, the smell when glass gets close, the shape of the cup, the material (glass, metal, plastic, paper)... all of these things matter.
A straw changes the whole experience. You skip the lips and go straight for the middle of the tongue. The rest of your mouth just gets left out. You don't get the smell. You have to work harder. Overall, you just don't get as much sensation from your drink.
Simple answer: it tastes better.
19. I also don't drink beer during work hours, but that doesn't mean I'll give up on my desk drawer vodka stash... don't be silly!
I don't drink beer with a straw. So why drink anything else with a straw?
20. We've all been there.
Accidentally deep throated one. I was sucking it, and either sucked it so hard or it was so slippery, that it went halfway down my throat.
21. Then there's the problem of cracked straws
You know how infuriating it is if you grab the straw just the wrong way and it bends? It puts that little tiny slit in the straw which makes you completely lose suction and rendering the damn thing worthless. I'll just tip the cup like a civilized piece of human garbage.
22. Nothing like a sassy server to help you kick the habit
I was 17 at the Waffle House in Chesapeake Virginia. We would go eat some delicious hash browns after some hard rounds of laser tag at Ultrazone. We would also order water with a bunch of lemons and make our own lemonade.
Then one day the waitress (Continued)
Then one day the waitress asked if wanted sissy sticks with our fake lemonade.
I haven't drank fake lemonade or used a straw (sissy stick) since. I'm 36.
23. Something ain't sprite about this story
I was pulling out of a drive-thru, hit a bump, and the straw went up my nose right as I inhaled. Got sprite in my lungs :(
24. Moments of profound realization :')
One day our whole family bought a bunch of fast food including fountain drinks for all five of us. When we got home and took everything out of the bag we found that they had neglected to supply any straws... and for a few embarrassing moments I was left wondering how we would be able to consume our drinks now.
Then of course it hit me that there was in fact another way to drink from a cup. Once I came to that realization I also came to the conclusion there was no reason to use a straw in the first place.
25. Pretty sure this story is one of Oprah's bookclub picks
Every time somebody wanted to flip a coin, I was there. "No, don't worry guys, we can all draw straws, I brought mine!" I would say, and everybody would ignore me. For years, I persisted on only choosing things by drawing straws: Monopoly? Screw rolling the highest number, we draw straws. Bathroom schedules? We draw straws to determine the order we choose our times. But one rainy day, about 3 and a half years ago, I wanted to work out whether my brother or I would get the TV remote, when a look of horror shot through my face: I only had one straw. That was the last straw. Ever since then, I haven't drawn straws once.
26. Great story... but what the heck is an Ice Chocolate?
This literally happened maybe 2 weeks ago. Home for the holidays and my old man has been finishing work around 9pm. I decided to be a top notch son and make an Ice Chocolate for him when he walks in the door. I went the full way with whipped cream, marshmallows, flakes, ice and ice cream and presented it in a hipster-esque jar like the cafes do these days. He comes home and is pretty chuffed about it. He decides he wants a straw we didn't have any in the draw but he remembered his work bag had some in it. One of those big thick straws. Annnyway. He starts drinking and goes "what's that" and proceeds to pull a slug out of his mouth and starts gagging. He works on a horse stud so his bag had been outside that day and a slug had got into his bag and into the straw (we know this as he had another straw in the bag and they were in that straw also. Needless to say I now ask if he wants a straw when he's drinking something.
27. Reminds me of little kids on the playground with drinking box straws
Maybe not quite on topic, but back in the early 80s my beloved grandmother decided to quit smoking because, as she said, "if cigarettes ever get to over $2 a pack (yes I know right), I'll quit."
Cue the day in maybe 1985 when smokes broke the two dollar a pack level, and she (Continued)
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and she quit cold turkey. Seriously, after several decades of smoking she just quit. And there was no nicorette gum at the time.
The only thing she did was smoke straws. Like she would hold a straw in the same place she would have held a cigarette and just pretended to puff on it. As a kid I was so proud of her and impressed with this. She did quit for good, with only holding a straw in her hand.
So maybe her last straw was the last one she held before she realized she no longer needed that crutch.
28. This is... surprisingly a good reason to be afraid of straws
I have a very legitimate reason to be fed up with straws. This was my last straw. And it went into my chest. So when I was little I was at a friend's birthday party and his mom gave us cups to drink out of with the straw built into the cup. And they were thick plastic. Long story short we were playing games in my friend's backyard and I tripped on the grass and I fell on my cup, the straw part taking a nice chunk of skin off my stomach. Haven't used a straw for ten years.
29. That's a horrible prank
I was drinking a soda after work and my buddy who was bartending slipped a cocktail straw into my straw; so when I sipped, the cocktail straw flew down my throat and got stuck.
30. A message to you, from the creator of this last straws article.
Hi there.
If you just got to the end of reading this 6 page article about drinking straws, I want to take the time now to personally thank you. You, kind reader, are a special being. For when we read an entire article about drinking straws, it is not just an article about drinking straws. The internet is an ocean of content. You could be reading about the collapse of our environment, Donald Trump's new bathroom bills affecting trans school kids in the US, or any of Emily Dickenson's 1789 poems. But you didn't. You clicked on an article about straws and you committed, globdammit!
Because, my dear friend (are we on that level yet? Can I call you friend?) the distance to the edge of the observable universe is about 46 billion light years across. Within that universe, there are approximately 50 sextillion habitable planets and many more unhabitable ones. Our planet, Earth is home to 8.7 million different species, ranging from Paedophryne amauensis (a frog the size of your pencil eraser) to the blue whale (a whale the length of 3880 pencil erasers). Of all the stories belonging to all the universe and each of the 8.7 million species and every one of the 7 billion people in it, you chose to dedicate your time to reading about fairly mundane moments in the lives of just 29 of those human beings. Because you know that, even though there are cooler stories or more exciting stories or sadder or happier ones, everyone's story matters, even these kinda crappy ones.
- Your forever indebted content "writer", Sara
Not all pet owners have the same relationship with their pets.
While anyone who decides to become a pet owner, or pet parent as some say, love their pets equally, some never ever let them leave their side.
Taking their pet with them to work, running errands, even on vacations.
Many pet parents even allow their pets to share their bed with them when going to sleep.
For others though, this is where a line is finally drawn.
Redditor Piggythelavasurfer was curious to hear whether pet owners allowed their pets to share their bed with them, as well as the reasons why they do/don't, leading them to ask:
"Do you let your pet sleep in your bed? Why/why not?"
The Tiny Issue Of Water...
"Absolutely not."
"I have fish."- Senior-Meal3649
Everyone Gets Lonely Eventually...
"I adopted an eleven year old cat the day before Halloween."
"She has mostly lived in my closet since I got her, and she hasn’t been too interested in coming out."
"Last night, she came out of my closet and jumped up on my bed, and crawled under my covers and curled up by my feet to sleep."
"I was so happy!"- YellowBeastJeep
The Comforting Reminder That You're Not Alone...
"I recently lost my Greyhound but I used to let him sleep on my bed with me."
"The company was nice and he was no trouble to have on my bed."- HoodedMenace3
Hungry Cookie GIF by De Graafschap Dierenartsen
Giphy
What Do You Mean Allow?
"I have no choice."
"She is a cat, cats do whatever they want."- Small_cat1412
"He lets me sleep in my bed."- Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way
"I carry my old boy upstairs to bed every night."- worst_in_show
Hug GIF by The BarkPost
Giphy
Who Needs An Alarm Clock?
"I let my two cats sleep with me."
"They're so full of love and just want cuddles all the time."
"And so do I."
"We've all developed a lil routine."
"Get to bed, oldest sleeps on my feet to keep them warm, youngest lies in my arm while I lie on my side (she the little spoon), then when I snooze my alarm for work in the morning the youngest paws at my face and meeps loudly to wake me up."- GhostofaFlea_
Whose Bed Is It Anyway?
"Yes."
"They're also kind enough to let me squeeze into whatever space they've left for me."
"Although I do get a few dirty looks off them."- Therealkaylor
"I found this tiny kitten screaming her head off under a car."
"Would not come out."
"Got some food and some water in dishes."
"I stood by the tire so she couldn't see my feet."
"She got curious about the food and water and started gobbling it down."
"I thought she would bolt when I squatted down."
"She was too busy eating."
"I grabbed her by the nape of the neck and all four legs went straight out and she tried to scratch me to death."
"I got her in the door and tossed her toward the couch."
"She ricocheted off the couch as if she was a ping pong off a table and I lost sight of her."
"I put out food and water and a sandbox and did not see that kitten for three days."
"On the third day, I came home and she was on my bed pillow."
"I thought she would bolt when I came near, but she didn't."
"I wanted to sleep so I tried to scoot her little butt off my pillow."
"She would not go."
"I put my head down to sleep and that is the way it was from then on."
"She ran the roost."- Logical_Cherry_7588
sleepy kitten GIF
Giphy
Sleeping Is A Prerequisite...
"No, he's a cat and he cannot keep still during the night."
"He walks across the headboard, opens the closet doors, jumps into the windows and rustles the blinds, etc."
"If he would sleep he could stay, but alas, he's a ramblin' man."- Spong_Durnflungle
Saying No Just Isn't An Option...
"'Let'."
"Lol."
"It's a cat's world and I'm happy to be on her good side."- milaren
Felines Only!
"The cat does, the dog doesn't and the horse certainly does not either."- Xcrowzz
Angry Tom And Jerry GIF by Boomerang Official
Giphy
Is That My Hair On That Pillow?
"My dog is perfect."
"She comes up, cuddles til we start to fall asleep, then gets down to sleep on her bed so she doesn't get too hot."
"Jumps back up in the early morning for wake up cuddles."
"The hair everywhere is the only downside but she is so cozy, what can you do."- HoodieWinchester
It is easy to understand how some people are able to fall asleep more easily knowing their friend and protector is there, in bed, with them.
Though we can't blame others who don't want to run the risk of being scratched or bitten in the middle of the night either...
The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
Giphy
"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
Unimpressed Uh Huh GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Giphy
"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace
Giphy
"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office
Giphy
"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.