Now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's get to the real meat and potatoes here, shall we? Yeah. Peep that food pun. We all love recipe articles, but let's be honest - how do you know if you can trust the person's palette? How do you know you're not taking recipe advice from whoever came up with that peas and mayo pizza abomination? Ask chefs. Chefs entire job is to know food, right? One redditor asked:
Chefs of Reddit, what's the greatest recipe you've ever come across?
These were some that sounded tastiest (and easiest - we know our audience is a busy bunch) to us. Have fun fam!
Beer And Carbs
Beer bread. It is one of the easiest things to make and who doesn't like fresh bread. Take a can of beer, 3 cups of flour, 3 teaspoons of baking powder, 1 teaspoon of salt and mix it together. Put it in a bread pan and throw it in the oven at 375 for an hour. That's it.
Chocolate Potato Cake
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I'm not a chef, but my mom bakes...she's far from a "professional", but she's known for her baking.
She makes something called a chocolate potato cake.
I know it sounds weird, but it has a cup of cooked, mashed (sans milk & butter in them) potatoes in it. The end result is AMAZING! Super-rich, moist chocolate cake. People will fight over the last piece of it.
Anyway, she made the cake for a friend's party...and at that party was a culinary chef who absolutely loved the cake...and wanted the recipe.
Mom gave it to him on one condition; he didn't share it.
Fast forward; the recipe is published in a culinary magazine, under the name of the guy that wanted the recipe.
Asshole.
But based on that, I'd have to consider it to be a great recipe if a trained chef stole it.
EDIT / UPDATE!!
You've been asking for it, so here it is! The actual recipe that was "stolen". Please note, I have never claimed that she "invented" this recipe. This is merely the recipe that she has used over the years. There's ONE condition though, if you do make it, please let me know how it turned out for you and I'll pass it along to my mom. My mom would be happy knowing that the recipe worked for people.
PEI POTATO CHOCOLATE CAKE
- 1 cup hot mashed potatoes, not seasoned
- 1 cup lukewarm water
- 2/3 cup soft margarine
- 2 cups white sugar
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- 4 eggs
- 2 cups flour
- 3/4 cup cocoa
- 2 1/4 teaspoons baking powder
- 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
- 1/8 teaspoon salt
- 3/4 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
Preheat oven to 350°F . Prepare cake pan (tube pan) by lightly greasing & then dusting with flour. Whisk water into well mashed potatoes until a smooth mixture is formed. Cool to lukewarm.
Beat margarine & sugar with electric mixer until combined. Add vanilla & beat 2 minutes at medium speed. Add 2 eggs and beat until blended. Add remaining 2 eggs. Beat at medium speed until blended. Sift together dry ingredients & stir to combine. At low speed, add 1/3 of the sifted dry ingredients, alternately with half the potato mixture, until all is blended.
Fold in chocolate chips. Turn batter into prepared pan. Bake in over for about 55 minutes. Cool on rack. Top with confectioners' sugar.
Enjoy!
Mexican Coke Is Key
There was a carnitas recipe on Reddit not long ago... tried it, even went to a special grocery store for Mexican coke since the recipe is different than typical american Coke... it was heavenly. And so inexpensive. And freezes so well. Three criteria for a great bulk recipe that makes your life easier, your wallet richer, and your soul happier.
Edit to add recipe from original post. If you want to find it, its on r/slowcooker
Inspired by /u/Lalalaraee !
4 pounds (or 2 kg) pork butt (or shoulder)
3-4 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon pepper
1 tablespoon dried oregano (or Mexican oregano)
1 tablespoon ground cumin
1 large brown or white onion, cut into wedges
8 cloves garlic, smashed
2 limes, juiced
2 large oranges, juiced (or 3/4 cup natural orange juice)
3/4 cup Original coke (Mexican coke is ideal)
2 bay leaves
Combine everything and cook on low for 8-10 hours. Don't discard liquid!
Place on baking sheet, cover with 1 cup of liquid and broil. Watch closely!
The recipe recommended broiling for 15 minutes but I only broiled for 5, any longer and ours would have burned. Enjoy guys!
- 8365815
Cereal in Cookies?
Chicago Crunch Chocolate Chip Cookies. My mom originally saw the recipe in Woman's Day or Family Circle years ago but this is the same one from Recipeland. She'd make these every holiday gathering and when my younger brother and I had curriculum day early release. Some people think it's weird to put corn flakes inside of your cookies, but it's actually pretty common in some places. I've just never seen it done quite like this before.
"Impossible To Overdo"
Peposo (a black pepper based stew) is pretty great for home cooks. It looks classy as sh!t, it's easy, doesn't take much work, and absolutely "holy hell how can something be this good" delicious if you don't cook often.
The only downside is that they don't get to see you make it since the "impressive" part of the cooking happens about 3.5 hours before the finishing.
All you need is short rib (bone in you savages), a bottle of Chianti, and a ludicrous quantity of pepper. Of course, salt, tomato paste, a couple herbs, and some rice is definitely a plus.
Smash/crush some garlic, mix with tomato paste and liberally smear onto the short rib.
Buy whole black pepper corns. Crush some using a cutting board and skillet, maybe 2 tablespoons for 3 pounds? I've never measured, and usually add ground pepper too.
Put the beef in a pot/saute pan, add pepper on top. Poke in some herbs/ bag leaves/whatever if you have it. Pour in most of a bottle of Chianti. The cheap but not completely shit kind with work. Set it on high heat, turn down as low as you can right before boil. Add lid. Leave for 2 hours. Optionally flip beef prices and if possible, slide the bone out. If you take the bones out, leave them in the pot. Cook for another hour-hour and a half. It's basically impossible to overdo this stuff, so just don't stop until it's basically falling apart when you touch it. Remove the herbs, beef, and bones. Give the bones to the dog. Enjoy his eternal love. Uncover and turn the heat back as high as it will go. Reduce until it's nice and thick or it's half the volume it was. Salt to taste (taste your food numbnuts). Put rice/polenta on a plate in a pretty shape. Stack some meat chunks on top. Pour over your sauce (you might need to whisk it to combat separation).
Make sure to make sexy eyes when they take a bite, they will have a spontaneous orgasm.
Honorable mention for learning to make your own marinade so that all your meat tastes better.
Is Grilled Guac Extra?
I make a grilled guacamole. Pretty standard guacamole recipe but everything gets charred on the grill and then cut and mashed. Creates the most delicious smoky flavor and takes guac to the next level! Something I thought couldn't be done.
The Best Mashed Potato
Mashed potato recipe I found online that blew away the competition this thanksgiving
Boil 5 lbs of quartered, unpeeled Yukon gold or Idaho gold taters in 4 cups of whole milk, 4 cups of heavy cream, 9 sprigs of thyme, 8 cloves of garlic, 3 bay leaves. Once they are mashable, strain potatoes, remove herbs, mash, then fold the strained milk concoction back in slowly. Fold in 2-4 tablespoons of butter, roughly 2 tablespoons of olive oil, salt, pepper, and 3 tablespoons of grainy mustard.
I made turkey too so I took the bacon I used to keep the turkey moist and minced it and threw that in the mashed taters as well. Finally, to make it healthy, I threw in a handful of chopped parsley. Gold it up nicely. Watch as your taters are annihilated at thanksgiving and the sad, russet potato, dry as f*ck mash remains untouched!
- caessa_
EZ Mode Fish
I did the chef thing for a while but didn't like the end-game. Switched focus to bodybuilding but still have some ezmode recipes that even redditors can't screw up.
Fish. Tilapia / Salmon / Whatev
- Let sit till room temp. Put it on a sheet of foil.
- Drizzle with olive oil.
- Add lemon pepper and creole or season-all.
- Pinch of parsely. Can be fresh, doesn't matter.
Fold it up in foil, like a pouch, so no fluid will escape. Bake it at 425F (Make sure oven is preheated.) for 10-12 minutes depending on how big it is. 10 will be safe to eat for any size and 12 won't overcook the smallest pieces so set your timer for 10 minutes and if it sits in the oven an extra 2 don't stress.
Unwrap it and you're good to go. Restaurants will charge a good $15-30 for this and you can make this for under $5.
The Many Chapters Of Chicken Wings
Righto, you want some hot wings? Heres my EC Wings recipe, not for the faint of heart y'all. The EC - Existential Crisis - wing recipe is all about level of burn and interaction of different SHU levels in chilli tastes. Let's get her rollin ey, cos this one will take at least a day to throw together.
Wings, part 1
Get yerself 4 wings - This recipe is for 4 of em so multiply ingredients if needs be - and chuck em in a sealable freezer bag SKIN ON. This ain't about dietary concerns. Add about
- 80mls of Soy Sauce (Sweet Soy if you're skipping the sauce step further down)
- 30mls of Red Wine Vinegar
- 60mls Lime Juice, fresh squeezed. None of that bottled shit.
- 2 cloves of Garlic (finely diced, or a heaped tablespoon of Garlic Paste)
- a heaped Teaspoon of Carolina Reaper Paste. For the Reaper paste I recommend Chilli Factory's one, although this can be substituted for whatever you want heat wise - Sometimes I'll use a smokey Chipotle instead if I'm cooking for others who ain't on my chilli level. Regardless: for this recipe, the hottest chilli yer using is for the Marinade.
Mix all that up in a Blender or in a bowl with a fork if you're old fashioned like that, pour it into the bag with the chook and seal it. Give her a good shake for coverage and chuck it in the fridge overnight - absolute minimum of 12 hours to marinate.
The sauce:
Another overnighter, borrowed this recipe from online and tweaked it a bit. Not a necessary addition, but you'll be robbing yourself if you don't do it as well.
- 12 finely diced Birds Eye Chillies (Peri Peri)
- One clove of Garlic
- 40ml White Vinegar
- 1/2 teaspoon of salt
Combine and let her sit in room temperature for 12 hours or overnight, longer the better IMO. Now, before cooking the chicken - as the sauce has gotta cool - drop the sauce mix into a small saucepan on medium heat. Add a teaspoon of Caster Sugar and stir through, bringing it to the boil. Then crank yer heat down and let it simmer till the chillies are soft. Pour out and let that cool, I usually chuck mine in e freezer for 30 mins then fridge it. Once cooled, blender time til nice and smooth.
Guess what you just made? SRIRACHA. Noice. Well, Sriracha is with Jalapeños but whatevs, I'm manly and jalapeños are nothing to me. Plus, Jalapeños are in the Part 2 of the chicken.
Anywho, whilst the sauce is chilling in the fridge, pour 100ml of Orange (or Mango, mango works great too) Juice and a shot of Grand Marnier into a small saucepan. Reduce at high heat, whilst sprinkling more caster sugar in slowly, continuously stirring when it comes back to the boil. Once the consistency is thick like cream, take it off the heat, combine it with the homemade Sriracha, and chuck it back in the fridge. You're left with a fruity dipping sauce that will punch you in the face if you look at it wrong.
Chicken, part 2
Almost there. This step is entirely optional as well, but in for a penny eh?
Finely dice about 6 decent sized Habaneros and [follow this guide here] (https://np.reddit.com/r/spicy/comments/3j5lqs/my_homemade_habanero_powder_xpost_from_rfood/). PROTIP: open all your windows and maybe even chuck on a face mask as the fumes get stuck in the back of your throat pretty damn well.
Chicken part 3, the final chapter
Get yerself a bowl with a few whipped up eggs in it, and two shallow bowls. To one of em, add...
- Half a cup of Breadcrumbs
- Tablespoon of Salt (I use Himalayan Pink Salt because I'm classy as fuck like that)
- Tablespoon of Cracked Black Pepper (Sichuan Peppercorns if you got em, distinct flavour base change for the better)
- Sprinkle of Cayenne pepper
- Dried Chillies from earlier. If you didn't do that shrug your loss IMO, cos it makes the recipe.
To the other bowl, chuck a cup of flour in it. Grab your wings one at a time but keep the rest of the Marinade. Give the wings a shake to get rid of excess Marinade, even pat em down with a paper towel. Why, you ask? All that acid from the vinegar and juice earlier has already penetrated the meat like a Seviche and brought the Reaper paste and garlic flavour with it so it's only needed just prior to cooking now. Give it a dredging in the flour, and carefully dip through the egg wash. Next, hold over the bowl with the chilli breading bits, grab a handful of the mixture and sprinkle it on til you can't see the meat anymore. DO NOT dredge it in the Breading Mix, trust me. Place the wing on a lightly oiled pan, and when fully loaded back in the fridge uncovered for an hour. This should set the breaded bits.
Finally, preheat your oven to 180 degrees Celsius and slide those bad boys in there for 15 minutes give or take. Baste over the top with the extra Marinade every 5 minutes, and turn over.
After that long and complicated process, you'll have the Best Goddamn Hot-Wings you'll ever eat, or my name ain't Fatbeard. Which it obviously ain't, but y'know what I mean.
Who's hungry?
Blue Cheese And Cinnamon?
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My dad is a chef and he always makes unusual and delicious stuff. Homemade spicy cocktail sauce with grated jicama in it. Marinade jalapeno slices in soy sauce, it's great.
The best is something that only other chefs are ever excited to try, but it's so amazing. Stick with me on this. . . Blue cheese cinnamon rolls.
Start with a good yeast dough, fill with a cinnamon mix that is heavy on the cinnamon and a bit a nutmeg and all spice, and light on the brown sugar. No white sugar at all.
One risen and baked sprinkle with blue cheese crumbles while still warm. Once slightly melty drizzle with a white glaze.
Do not use cream cheese frosting. Do not frost. Light on the sugar glaze, do not treat it like you think you're Johnson's corner.
I promise it's amazing.
H/T: Reddit
So imagine my surprise when I get a message from LadyChad on Instagram (not an app I'm terribly active on as far as messaging and I have literally never spoken a single word to LadyChad at this point) asking what kind of wine I had given Chad because she wanted to go out and purchase several bottles.
Um ... what? So there I am awkwardly staring at my phone already having responded to her "hi" so I can't just ghost the girl. She knows I've read her messages and am actively on my phone. Chad doesn't really talk to me, so I have no idea how I got roped into this, and I'm looking around like "WHAT DO I DO!?!?!"
Babe later assured me this is the sort of thing Chad did to him all the time and LadyChad was probably well aware that he was lying. Still, I didn't appreciate getting sucked into some elaborate Chad-scheme. If you're going to do that to people, you have to give them a heads up! One Reddit user asked:
What's the most awkward position someone's ever put you in?
... apparently the world is FULL of Chads. Get it together, guys. Stop being Chads. Here are some of my favorite responses - edited for clarity when needed. Enjoy the cringefest!
Didn't Know About The Divorce
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I'm about to go for supper with my mom's new boyfriend, she's 50. I didn't know my parents were divorced.
The Invoice
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My mom sent me an "invoice" for raising me. I hadn't spoken to her in 4 years at this point. I called her to see what was up. She told me that if I don't pay the amount of the invoice, she's going to lose the house she's living in. She lamented that I was an expensive child because I had so many health issues, and how she was owed this money.
I explained to her that I wasn't responsible for my birth or the complications during my birth that she caused. She cried until I hung up, then immediately called me back with stone cold composure and told me I was no longer a part of her family. Big loss there.
Confronted By A Coworker
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Was getting a drink at work and when I turned around my female coworker trapped me in a corner. She demanded to know why I don't look at her like the other guys. "I know I'm older than you but am I not pretty?" Luckily another coworker saw us and I just walked away laughing like she just told a joke.
- BigMilk0
Teacher's Erotic Poetry
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My high school English teacher read us erotic poetry she wrote about her husband... who happened to be our History teacher.
Five Minutes Of Faking It
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I grew up not actively doing religious stuff and I lived in the middle of an aggressively Mormon neighborhood. One day when I was in the third grade I was invited to one of my super Mormon friends house for dinner. I went and her mother asked me to say grace. Being a stupid 10 year old with no idea how to say I didn't know how, I clasped my hands together and mumbled under my breath for five minutes. *five minutes *. I probably would of gone long if the mom didn't stop me.
I didn't have dinner with them again.
Sister or Best Friend?
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Right, settle in and grab the popcorn, I've got a story for you. My sister married my best mate from college, it kinda made sense at the time because he had always been around at our house, spending time with my family etc. There were no hard feelings from me, I thought they were kinda cute and a couple. Anyhoo they get married had a huge reception were my parent spent an absolute fortune inviting probably close to 300 people, not just friends of my sister and her hubby but friends of my parents to show off to at how perfect the happy couple were.. Fast forward a couple of years and my sister and her husband had emigrated to a different country and out of the blue she calls me and asks if I can visit. So I pack my bags and go on holiday. When I arrive my sister tells me that she is getting a divorce from my mate and that she has been in a relationship with a lady on the sly for a year. So I've got my sister who now wants me to stay with her and support her through the divorce process and on the other hand I now have my best mate who is absolutely crushed as a male doubting his masculinity (as you would if your wife of 10 years just upped sticks and declared her self lesbian) who wants me to live with him and play video games and smoke pot with him every night.
I went and lived with my buddy. We got high every night, got drunk all the time and shagged everything.
I met my sisters new lady friend and we didn't gel. My sisters partner is almost as old as my mother is and I wish my sister all the best, but I struggle to connect properly with her new wife.
Acquaintance Awkwardness
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An acquaintance was crashing at my place for a night. We went out and had a fun night out together, he ends up bringing someone home. I crash while they're enjoy each other's company. I hear the front door open and close in the middle of the night and figure she's gone home.
Around noon the next day, the guest bedroom door finally opens and I hear him walking down the hallway toward where I am in the kitchen. I'm pouring a cup of coffee for him when a FEMALE VOICE says hello.
Turns out it was the acquaintance that left in the middle of the night. He left the hung-over bar-girl in my house. She and I had an awkward conversation while she drank a coffee then left.
- milesmac
A Dramatic Reading
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I was waiting in a school office to be interviewed for an Art teaching position in a middle school 7 years ago.
There was another art teacher who already worked at the school in the office and she was trying to be friendly and make conversation with me.
She pulls out her cellphone and asks me my name. I tell her and she immediately logs into Facebook and finds my profile (which I left open to public at the time) and immediately starts reading my profile out loud for everyone in the office to hear.
Grindr Gone Wrong
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Talking to a dude on Grindr and he invited me over. He started being way overly affectionate as soon as I stepped in the door. We had the typical "gay dudes about to hook-up chat" where we talk about work and how often we do this, etc. Things soon get hot and heavy. As soon as he was about to penetrate, he had a full on mental breakdown and started sobbing into my chest...
It went on for like 15 minutes and all I wanted to do was to get out of there! All I could do was reluctantly coddle him while he was hyperventilating over his recent breakup. We're both bare-ass naked, I've lost all libido at this point and I just prayed for him to get off me.
As soon as he calmed down, I don't think I've ever moved so fast in my life to get out of that house.
Thanksgiving Dinner
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My wife and kids and I were invited to her parents' house for Thanksgiving, along with her two sisters. While we were all around the table and the food had been served, sister number one discovered that sister number three was dating number one's ex. An angry, awkward silence ensued. The kids started asking why nobody was talking. Potatoes were passed really hard. Platters were smacked onto the table. Stink eye was amply provided to anyone over 10 who dared to speak. It was quite a celebration of love and family.
Grandma Is An Addict
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My Grandmother is currently addicted to opiods. She frequently and often texts me asking me to take her to the hospital, effectively forcing me to tell her "You need to call 911." Even though I am almost always certain it's purely so she can go in and get her high. What's more, she tries to guilt trip people who won't take her anymore, including me, saying, "Oh I can't walk! It hurts so much I can't stand!" Except we all know it's bullshit because it only ever happens within a few days of her morphine refill. Also, the fact that her doctor recommends exercise and PT really doesn't help her credibility.
It's just so awkward having to tell my own grandmother that she's addicted, that she needs to stop going to the ER for things that aren't actually emergencies, and to actually do what the doctor tells her. It's so awful actually.
"Previous Experience"
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The guy I lost my virginity to married a friend from high school. That, in of itself, would have been whatever. The awkward part happened when she reached out to me for advice because she was a virgin and was sort of worried about his "previous experience."
She didn't know that previous experience was with me...
After We've Worked An Entire Shift Together
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My boss makes me come in the room with her as a witness when she writes people up. It's awkward as f^ck because its usually after we've worked an entire shift together. I always make sure to tell them I had no idea and have nothing to do with it.
When Only One Of You Knows It's A Date
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I was a freshman in college and a dude invited me to his place but worded it in a way that made it sound like other people would be there. I arrive in the same outfit I wore to band practice, and the dude opens the door wearing nice clothes. Shirt tucked in and everything. I chill with him, expecting more people would be arriving any minute, and they never do. Eventually a roommate comes out to get water and then goes back to his room. It eventually hits me that the guy is interested in me and this was some weird "date" thing. I was mortified. And in retrospect, it horrifies me that had he had really bad intentions, I willfully walked into a potentially dangerous situation. Luckily his intentions actually were just to chill with me. But I was BEYOND uninterested, and unskilled in the art of leaving places without feeling like I was rude. I think he could tell that I was caught off guard and he felt awkward as well. I mean he was dressed nice and I was in fucking band practice clothes. It was one of the most excruciating nights of my life. We had NOTHING in common and struggled for things to talk about. Cringing as I write this. Ew ew ew ew.
Grandchildren
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Was hanging out with family. It was my 3 older siblings and their spouses as well as my brother who just had his first kid. That made me the only one without children. My mom proceeds to go on about how much she loves grandchildren and that I'm next and that I need to hurry up - while I'm sitting there with my girlfriend.
We had never really discussed kids at this point. I sat there having my family focus on me and ask all sorts of personal questions that I didn't want to be answering in front of everyone. It felt like an interrogation.
Oh, THAT Kind Of Tattoo
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Was working at a hospital ER as a paramedic and was starting an IV on this old lady who had a thick Eastern European accent. I was finishing up and she made a comment on my tattoos on my arms and she said something about her just one tattoo and of course being friendly I asked what she got it of. She looked me in the eyes and said "Well it was something I didn't want to get" and of course I start connecting the dots and she was just about the right age to have been held in a concentration camp. It got real cold in that room all of a sudden. I had no idea what to say
"A Foot And A Half From My Genitals"
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A friend in middle school accidentally kicked me in the balls, and they swelled pretty badly. This resulted in me not being able to walk properly. This worried my mom enough that she had the doc check my junk out.
This wouldn't be so awkward if he hadn't handled my balls and had his face like a foot and a half from my genitals. I was about 14 at the time, and not the "biggest" dude. That's probably the most awkward situation I've ever been in.
Caught Them Both Cheating
I caught my friend and his girlfriend both cheating with other people on separate occasions. I walked in on him and some chubby blonde girl bent over the toilet at a party - his girlfriend is a slim brunette. I walked in on his girlfriend with some black dude while I was visiting the two of them at their apartment. My friend is white and he was at work while his girlfriend was cheating. I promised both of them I wouldn't tell the other since that's not my place and I know their relationship is dysfunctional as f^ck.
The two of them started arguing one day over, surprise surprise, cheating. The both of them somehow caught wind that each other were cheating and they both started screaming at each other over it. I happened to be nearby so they both called me over. My friend said :
"Yo, you know this b!tch is cheating. Tell me who she's been f^cking!"
and she shouted:
"Don't listen to this as$hole. You know he's cheating on me. I know you've caught him before!" then pointed at me.
Neither of them knew that I had caught both of them cheating on each other.
I decided to maintain the middle ground and told them this wasn't my place to speak up. Then I quietly left while they continued to yell at each other. Knowing the two of them, an all out fist fight would have broken out between them so I decided not to say anything. They both ended up cheating on each other 2 more times, found out about both times and are still together for some reason.
Hacking
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Was sent by my boss to some people she knew to help with "internet stuff."
I learned on-site they wanted me to hack into their 13-year-old daughter's Facebook account because they thought she was up to something.
"Just Wheeled Him Over"
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I had to assist a friend of the family's grandfather with going to the bathroom. His daughter just wheeled him over to me and said "he needs to use the restroom" then left.
H/T: Reddit