Sometimes it wasn't the best idea to have a child. Sometimes, you've done yourself and the baby a disservice.
That's a hard pill to swallow. We all want to do our best and be the best parents we can, but if we aren't mentally equipped to take on that psychological responsibility, we can end up doing more damage.
Can we freely admit that?
u/marius0601 asked:
Parents who regret having children, why do you regret it and how do you handle it?
Here were some of those questions.
Love Misdirected
I had a child very young. I got married at 17, pregnant at 18, gave birth at 19. He'll be 32 this year.
I wanted him for all the wrong reasons. I had a horrible family and I wanted someone to love me. Someone of my own.
As soon as I had him, I sat in a rocking chair for two weeks and cried. Because, what had I done? What had I been thinking? The weight of responsibility fell heavily on my shoulders. I couldn't take care of a baby. I couldn't even take care of myself. And I had picked a horrible partner to have him with.
Despite all this, I loved my son very much. I used to say that if they could guarantee me that I'd get the same kid, and that I wouldn't miss him, I'd have waited a few years longer before having him.
My relationship with my son to this day isn't what I want it to be. I wish we were closer. I wish I'd been a better mom. I wish I hadn't dragged him through all my drama with men during his developmental years. He deserved much better than what he got. My decisions hurt him.
Now that I'm older and somewhat have my sh!t together, I wish I'd had more kids. I'd be a much better mother now that I have done things figured out. Of course that's not possible. We only get one shot at life, there are no do overs.
Multi-Tiered
It's not that I don't love my kids, but I am a terrible parent. I was diagnosed bipolar 7 or 8 years ago and the illness has gotten worse over time. I told my wife that if I knew then what I know now, I would have never had children. Because its not fair to them.
Before I Was Even Born
I'm the kid in this situation. My mom was married with 3 kids, my dad was 17. I was conceived on his 18th birthday.
My maternal grandparents hated me for ruining their daughter's life by my birth. And told her to give me to my paternal grandparents to save her marriage. She did. Her marriage still failed within the first year of my birth.
I was raised by my paternal grandparents as my dad didn't know how to be a father. He eventually got his shit together and went on to live his life. Got married and divorced, now married again.
I grew up with my grandparents and had an okay life. When I was 10 my biomom "which is what I refer to her as, as my real mom is my grandmother." Tried to have me in her life. I visited for 5 summers in a row and I never liked it at her place. Apparently I used to cry when I was younger but as I grew up I realized she was the only one trying to have a relationship, my half siblings loathed me, as I was the reason their dad was gone.
I'm 29 now. Bio mom is sad, as I'm the most successful of her kids but we have such a weak relationship. I see her once every 3 to 4 years.
Where as I call my grandmother every week or so.
Does she regret having me? Probably. Who knows how her life would be were I never born.
Too Much To Deal With
I regret having my son sometimes. He struggles with anxiety and depression. They suck. He doesn't deserve them and he didn't ask to be born. If I'd known of my predisposition toward anxiety and depression, I wouldn't have had a kid.
On top of that, I have breast cancer. Poor kid is already struggling, and 12, and he didn't ask to be here, and now his mom has cancer.
But he's here. I feel bad, but I can't just undo having a kid. So I do my best. I listen, I take him seriously, I show him love, I take him to counseling, and I make sure he has plenty of adults in his life who care about him.
It's a regret that comes from love. I don't want him to suffer, and yet, it's a part of life. He has more than his share of it, the poor guy.
More Than You Bargained For
I meant to have 1 and ended up with twins. It's the hardest thing I've ever done and I mostly hate it. They are smart and good kids, it's just not fulfilling. I handle it by making copious amounts of time for myself and lots of tears. I still wish I wouldn't have made the decision to get pregnant originally and I don't know if that feeling will ever go away.
Everything Went To Hell
My father had a nervous breakdown because he spent twelve years (the whole of my parents' relationship) acting like someone he wasn't, namely a man who wanted children. He walked out when I was seven and my sister was a few months shy of two, and we spent seven summers and four Christmases being dumped on his mother (who hated us) or his girlfriend (who had no boundaries) while he worked like crazy and went to drink with his buddies. It's been ten and a half years since he's had any real contact with any of us, and I don't see it changing any time soon, unless he finds out if either of us ever make it famous.
When It All Falls Down
When I got pregnant both times I wanted kids. I was newly married and happy. We were making decent money and I thought we were ready. Now we are starting to think I'm autistic and my health has been in decline even though no doctor can figure out what is wrong. I regret having kids because I constantly feel like a horrible mother.
How do I deal with it. Well I suck it up and try the best I can. My oldest got diagnosed with autism recently and he needs a strong support system. My youngest has had his own array on medical conditions. They need me to be strong so I do and whenever I can I sneak away to my friends house for a girls weekend or lock myself in the sewing room or in front of the tv. I love my kids and would give them the world even if I regret getting pregnant now. I just wish they hadn't been born to such a screwed up mother because I thought I was fine at the time.
It Comes With Lots Of Responsibility
I love her to death, and I do all I can for her. I regret more this cost and having to clean up after more than her being here. Maybe also the lack of freedom, I can't just up and do whatever because I have to consider her. I am responsible, with a few lazy days in there of not picking up the toys, but I desire more freedom and less expenses.
Circumstantial Reversal
I never wanted kids and my husband talked me into it. My kids are absolutely amazing. I really hate my husband. He doesn't want to work and loves to spend money. My kids are amazing human beings, just the best and I really hate their father. I don't want to leave him because I don't want to hurt the kids. The kids are like little parts of my heart outside of my body. I could never hurt them and I love them so much. So it is an odd position to be in but I could never imagine myself without them.
Life Changees
I love my kids, I wouldn't trade them for the world. But, they were both "oops" babies. I regret the timing. I wish I had waited until I was more financially stable before having them. I'm now in a situation where I have to be a SAHM (daycare is insanely EXPENSIVE), and it gets so lonely. Definitely wish I had waited a few years. I handle it the only way I can, I love them and consider myself lucky to have children at all.