Interracial Couples Reveal The Biggest Cultural Adjustments They Overcame
Interracial Couples Reveal The Biggest Cultural Adjustments They Overcame
[rebelmouse-image 18351636 is_animated_gif=Cultural stereotypes, and the judgments that accompany them, still present challenges for interracial couples. But dating someone from another culture has its perks too - different food, family celebrations, holiday traditions - all help to enrich our relationships. It's not always easy, though, as people still like to judge.
jbrown3152 asked, Redditors in interracial relationships, what was the biggest cultural adjustment you had to make?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
The Chinese ex was doing it right. Unopened and uneaten? Mine.
[rebelmouse-image 18351637 is_animated_gif=My ex-boyfriend of two years was Chinese, and I'm white (and Southern, while he'd lived most of his life in Chicago). We had some minor things like he would make fun of how much cheese I ate and I made fun of how much he learned to love sweet iced tea. But the one cultural norm we didn't even realize we didn't have in common was taking food home from special events. For white people, food left at the end of a wedding/event/banquet is for the host (whoever's paid for it) to dispose of/dispense how they like. In Chinese culture, mass to-go boxes are distributed and everyone takes home whatever they want. I remember being mortified at a wedding when my bf just snagged an entire, unopened box of cupcakes to take when we left. In my mind, he just stole cupcakes. What was so remarkable was that I thought he was being cheap and he thought I was being paranoid, and we never ever chalked it up to cultural norms. Learned this from a totally different (also Chinese) friend after we'd broken up.
Edit: I'm speaking of fancy or formal events specifically, not all get-togethers with food.
This seems like an easy adjustment.
[rebelmouse-image 18351638 is_animated_gif=So. Many. Hugs.
Family is family is family.
[rebelmouse-image 18351639 is_animated_gif=One I can answer!
My partner is from Zimbabwe. I'm from Scotland.
The biggest culture shock by far is how every older woman is called mbuya (gran) and every older man sekuru (grandpa). From what I understand their language (Shona) doesn't seem to have a word for aunties, uncles or cousins: everyone is just your sibling, parent, grandparent or a stranger. Makes it a nightmare to work out what the 'real' relations are.
Saying "I'm full" is a no-no in many cultures, and there's always so much food.
[rebelmouse-image 18351642 is_animated_gif=Not a current relationship but a previous one. I'm white and he's Hispanic. Meeting his family was really when the cultural differences showed. His entire family was super welcoming, immediately I was included in everything and made to feel like part of the family, that was definitely not the norm in my other relationships.
I found out that even if I'm stuffed full if his mom or aunt offered me food, I better take it. To refuse for any reason was extremely rude.
Authentic Mexican food is amazing.
We did go to a Hispanic dance club together once and I was treated like trash by everyone present because of being white, but that was the only occasion of people disapproving.
We broke up because he's a terrible person, but I still miss his family.
Celebrating for no reason? Sounds like a great adjustment.
[rebelmouse-image 18351643 is_animated_gif=My fiancée is black, I'm white/Asian. Everyone from her family is very loud but in a loving way, especially in public. So much laughing and clapping for no reason, I love it so much. My wasian family is very quiet and reserved and doesn't show much affection. Being in public and getting stared at is the biggest adjustment. Also the food. Anyone else love neckbone?
Well, this is different, and certainly an adjustment.
[rebelmouse-image 18351644 is_animated_gif=I am dating a girl whose parents are from East Boston. They call pasta "macaroni" and red sauce/pasta sauce "gravy." WTF
Doesn't seem like much adjustment is needed here, everyone is really well-rounded.
[rebelmouse-image 18351645 is_animated_gif=Meeting her family: lots of hugs, the family is important, you always compliment how beautiful the mom is and eat all of her cooking, when the dad drinks then you must drink, anytime they invite you to an event then you drop everything and go or witness their wrath.
Her meeting my family: shoes come off the second you enter the house, be prepared to gossip with the mom, constantly receive a small sentence of wisdom from the dad.
I am Vietnamese and she is Venezuelan. Both families agree we would have beautiful children.
Edit: RIP inbox. y'all some amazing people: ;)
Mothers-in-law take a lot of adjusting.
[rebelmouse-image 18351647 is_animated_gif=White male married to a black woman here. We have been together since 1988 and have a 19 yo daughter.
I am not sure there were any real cultural adjustments. I have read about people in interracial relationships getting all kinds of blowback/disapproval but we've not experienced anything significant.
My MIL finds fault with virtually anything but that does not seem cultural though.
Tearing down cultural stereotypes is a necessary adjustment.
[rebelmouse-image 18351648 is_animated_gif=My ex-boyfriend is Japanese. He and his family were very very proper, clean, and etiquette. The biggest thing was they were never really satisfied with his accomplishments. Every time he did something good they would always want more from him.
Edit: One thing I forgot to mention was that I'm Hispanic, and his family had some misconceived views on Hispanic/Latino people. The sister and dad thought I was going to be some sort of drug dealer or a gang member and were scared of me at first. His mom and brother thought I was going to be loud, good at dancing, and always say something in Spanish after every sentence. They were very interesting...
Learning your partner's native language shows immense dedication, and is a really noble adjustment.
[rebelmouse-image 18351649 is_animated_gif=Learning Spanish. I married a Peruvian who speaks perfect English and so I have trouble remembering what I learn.
I like the sound of the wild Christmas.
[rebelmouse-image 18351651 is_animated_gif=My husband is Mexican and I am white. The biggest thing we genuinely notice and laugh about is how Christmas is handled.
His family - mass chaos, everyone opens presents all at the same time. There is literally trash and Christmas paper EVERYWHERE.
My family - slow, meticulous, everyone patiently waits their turn to open their gift. We legitimately have someone assigned to trash bag duty.
This happens far too often - skin color shouldn't define love.
[rebelmouse-image 18351653 is_animated_gif=It's weird getting racist side-eyes from people of the same race as me.
Whether it's interracial or sexuality, let's not judge others on how and whom they love.
[rebelmouse-image 18351654 is_animated_gif=My interracial relationship isn't an issue with most people. They normally just are disgusted because we're gay.
Hot take: visits are one thing, but having the whole family in a hospital room is really uncomfortable. It was for me.
[rebelmouse-image 18351655 is_animated_gif=I'm Hispanic, my husband is Caucasian. When someone in my family is sick, the whole family shows up. We all sit in the waiting room for a surgery, come by the house with food during a recovery. When his own father had a cardiac cath my husband didn't go with him even though he had the day off work. I went with his father and his mother and he thought it was so extra for me to go. His mentality is that I can't do anything if something goes wrong. He said if something did go wrong his mother would call him. In my family, it's a show of love, respect, and support to be at someone's sick bed, even for a routine medical procedure. His mother didn't find it strange, his sister didn't go either. It's just weird to me. When his grandma had a hip replaced he went to visit her in rehab only one time and she was there for two weeks. If it was my family, we would take shifts so she would have at least one visitor per day and one home-cooked meal.
Oh, white people...
[rebelmouse-image 18351656 is_animated_gif=Black man with a white ex here. I have plenty of these types of scenarios. My favorite is the white people who assumed we weren't together when we walked into a restaurant. My ex was absolutely incensed! I laughed because I've dealt with that ignorance on more than one occasion.
Parties for everything? Why not?!
[rebelmouse-image 18351658 is_animated_gif=White trash married into a Hispanic household.
Everything is different.
They throw parties for everything. High school graduation was a huge deal, I had to convince my parents to come because I needed a ride home afterward. His family was shocked.
We don't cook when people come over. Just buy some pizza. His mom might kill me if I throw a party without cooking a bunch of homemade food.
Sleepovers, family coming over? Then it's assumed they will stay the night. Totally threw me off. Our family barely visits and when they do it's for a few hours then they're gone.
Is someone pregnant? Awesome huge parties and lots of gifts. My family? That sucks better figure out what you're gonna do.
Kids party? Lots of games n food n cake and gifts. My family, oh cool here's a t-shirt I have work so I'm gonna leave now.
A family member needs help? They're family best go help. My side? The most you'll get is a 'that sucks' there's no helping each other.
Been about 6 years now and I'm still learning.
The concept of "on time" varies greatly from culture to culture.
[rebelmouse-image 18351659 is_animated_gif=Different understanding of time.
Edit: to be clear she is latina and I am white. Doesn't make me mad, it's just a difference in culture. It's an adjustment I have to make.
It takes a lot of courage to stand up to white supremacy. Sounds like the stepdad needs the adjustment.
[rebelmouse-image 18351660 is_animated_gif=I'm black and I'm currently dating a white guy. His stepdad is a white supremacist, so going to his house always feels a little awkward.
Expanding your taste in food is one of the best ways to experience other cultures.
[rebelmouse-image 18349417 is_animated_gif=When I'm in a relationship I tend to eat less Asian foods to accommodate their tastes. I'm Asian-American and grew up eating a variety of foods. It was hard to adjust in the beginning because the people I tend to date (primarily small-town White-Americans) have a limited food palette.
Right now my current S/O has a very wide range of palette which I'm super duper grateful for. We've eaten a large array of ethnic foods compared to my previous relationships, but just not Asian dishes yet lol. Mostly due to us not traveling out of the city, where it primarily dominated by Thai, to the suburbs where there different facets of Chinese cuisines.
It's fascinating that dancing never caught on as part of American culture. But it's never too late to try!
[rebelmouse-image 18351661 is_animated_gif=I'm a boring white American and my fiance is Puerto Rican. Everyone dances, and dances well, except for me of course.
Scotland Tackles Transphobia and Homophobia In Brilliant New Billboard Ads ❤️
The Scottish government has had enough of hate crimes and is moving forward with a gutsy campaign.
According to Pink News, Scotland is launching a new initiative to combat intolerance with messages respectively addressing "bigots," "disablists," "homophobes," "racists," and "transphobes" in a series of ads circulating across the country.
Each message is signed on behalf of Scotland.
The campaign is part of the Scottish government's One Scotland project in an effort to reduce hate crime.
"The provocative ads were produced by the Scottish Government and Police Scotland as part of the One Scotland campa… https://t.co/KjinQL9xXT— Lizanne Foster (@Lizanne Foster) 1537935300.0
One letter reads:
"Dear transphobes, do you think it's right to harass people in the street? Right to push transgender people around in clubs? Right to humiliate, intimidate and threaten them online? Well we don't."
"That's why if we see you doing harm, we're reporting you. We believe people should be allowed to be themselves. Except if they're spreading hate."
"Yours, Scotland."
In another letter, the country says it has a "phobia" of homophobic behavior.
"If you torment people because of who they love, shout word that we are not going to write, or use violence because you don't like who someone is holding hands with, you should be worried."
"If we see or hear your abuse, we're calling the police. That's because love lives in this country, not hate."
"Yours, Scotland."
One Scotland's website describes the organization as one that aims to continue building an inclusive society while recognizing the significant strides made so far towards equality.
"One Scotland embodies the inclusive society we want in Scotland, where equality and human rights are respected and every individual and minority group feels valued."
There is a new ad campaign against hate crimes in Scotland. “We are a caring nation, not a hating one”.… https://t.co/rfsiFjIq6V— Jen Yang Mezei (@Jen Yang Mezei) 1537975493.0
The website defines hate crimes as abuse that "can be verbal or physical and has hugely damaging effects on the victims, their families and communities, and we all must play our part to challenge it."
"Police Scotland takes hate crime very seriously. In the last year there were over 5,300 charges of hate crime reported to the Procurator Fiscal in Scotland1."
"However, there are many more incidents that go unreported. We all have a responsibility to report hate crime if we witness it – it's the only way we can challenge it, and put an end to it for good."
The fact that the Scottish government and police are behind this ad campaign is incredible. It's good to see at lea… https://t.co/zMrqDVrhed— TransgenderDate (@TransgenderDate) 1537900917.0
Justice minister Humza Yousaf is familiar with being a victim of a bigotry and is encouraging people to call out and report any incidents involving harassment.
"As somebody who has faced Islamaphobic and racial abuse over the years, I know how upsetting being a victim of hate can be. Hate crime and prejudice are completely unacceptable and we are absolutely committed to tackling it."
"We all have a role to play in stamping out prejudice and I would ask anyone who witnesses a hate crime to play their part and report it. Justice agencies such the police and Crown Office will deal sensitively with reports made and people should have confidence in how they will be treated. Last year there were over 5,300 charges of hate crime reported to the Procurator Fiscal in Scotland but there are still many incidents that are going unreported."
New Ad Campaign launching on billboards and ad spaces all over #Scotland tackles #hatecime. The Police Scotland a… https://t.co/VJFH0jprjP— Pinksixty (@Pinksixty) 1537896702.0
Henrietta Mochrie identifies as transgender and has been the victim of repeated harassment and abuse. She emphasized the importance of speaking out against the hatred.
"I'll often get street harassment, sometimes this has escalated to the point where I've been followed by people shouting abuse at me, just because of who I am."
"It makes me feel really down and scared to leave the house. It's important that if you witness hate crime that you report it to take a stand against hate."
One Scotland's ad campaign officially launched on Wednesday.
Hopefully, it won't take too long before other nations follow suit in this bold, yet necessary fight for equality.
H/T - OneScotland, PinkNews, Twitter
Feminists Slam Man Telling Them They Can't Have Both Chivalry And Equality
A man on Twitter informed feminists they had to choose between chivalry and equality.
He was promptly raked over the coals for even assuming an antiquated concept would be considered as a viable option.
Twitter user @Rich_Cooper stated:
"Dear feminists. You either get equality or chivalry. You can't have both."
Dear feminists. You either get equality or chivalry. You can't have both.— Richard Cooper (@Richard Cooper) 1536083523.0
One user responded:
"I'll take equality. I don't need special treatment."
@Rich_Cooper #BenevolentSexism is still #sexism. I'll take equality. I don't need special treatment.— ☮️ Minkajane ☮️ (@☮️ Minkajane ☮️) 1537276790.0
Cooper's rhetorical question did not go over so well. Both women and men expressed their disdain for his message.
One male user observed that chivalry was irrelevant and treating everyone with kindness and respect was compulsory.
"What people care about is caring, empathic [sic], considerate, thoughtful people, NOT whether THEIR door is held for them or THEIR meal is paid for them."
"Are there gender stereotypes in het[erosexual] dating? Sure. But that's separate from being a warm, giving, caring, grounded person."
@Rich_Cooper What people care about is caring, empathic, considerate, thoughtful people, NOT whether THEIR door is… https://t.co/wlGHWRzKLi— Mark W. Wilson, MD (@Mark W. Wilson, MD) 1537276816.0
Some women got right down to the point.
@Rich_Cooper Translation: I will only be nice to you if you agree to be subservient to me— Elizabeth Noll (@Elizabeth Noll) 1537292709.0
@Rich_Cooper Gotta love when a man tells women what they can and can't have. Thanks for the heads up buddy 😉 https://t.co/gDMJscuTac— Hannah ✊ (@Hannah ✊) 1537285112.0
@Rich_Cooper Translation: I couldn’t possibly be expected to treat women as equals, show them respect, and still feel like a man.— Dom (@Dom) 1537293169.0
@Rich_Cooper We are sooooo bored with "chivalry" which stems from the courtly love period in the middle ages when w… https://t.co/wRho1a9DTz— Jeanthejust (@Jeanthejust) 1537280103.0
@Rich_Cooper Dear man. As a feminist, I open doors for men all the time. I also offer my seat to men in need on t… https://t.co/uxdwfh1kEM— My ovaries dream of puppers (@My ovaries dream of puppers) 1537502301.0
The notion of chivalry and equality are mutually exclusive and not a lot of people thought it was a major priority for feminists.
Common courtesy is not chivalry.
@Rich_Cooper Nah. That's some real childlike, oversimplified thinking. There are obviously more than these two op… https://t.co/lUqnEJhIAp— TheQuietRanger (@TheQuietRanger) 1537342901.0
@Rich_Cooper Wow, I had no idea that feminists were campaigning for chivalry, thanks for the Valuable Insight lol… https://t.co/iK62FTM9WY— Tracy Campbell the DM (Dungeon Mom) (@Tracy Campbell the DM (Dungeon Mom)) 1537294172.0
@Rich_Cooper I hold the door open for a guy walking into Starbucks behind me. Tomorrow, he might do the same for me… https://t.co/xWQEu6QHrM— Emma Scott (@Emma Scott) 1537294526.0
This user pointed out the fact that chivalry stems from a history of men outdoing other men. The concept had very little to do with women.
"Chivalry is a medieval concept of men dressing to impress other men. It has little to do with equality."
"Some men were on top, other men were beneath them. Historically, women were rarely invited into the process."
@Rich_Cooper @kent_imig Chivalry is a medieval concept of men dressing to impress other men. It has little to do wi… https://t.co/m8YPUkaUzm— Mark Findlay (@Mark Findlay) 1537257080.0
Neil Bradley described the outdated concept of chivalry as one that implies men being superior to women in a September 8, 2017, article for Medium publications.
"Examples: opening the door for a woman, paying for a woman's meal, gesturing for a woman to go first. The justification is either that women are not physically as strong (to open the door), able to provide (pay for their own meal), or are more deserving of compassion than men (allowing women to go first)."
Bradley also added that he wants to treat others the way he wants to be treated and asked if that approach should be motivated by chivalry or equality.
"If the genders are to be considered equal and treated equally, how a man treats a woman will essentially be the same as how a man treats a man."
"The obligation to open the door, pay for the meal, and let women go first vanishes. Men do not do this to other men, therefore why do it for women?"
His final take was that the two concepts can't co-exist. Either one is chivalrous or treats everyone as equals.
At the end of the day, people were happy to show chivalry the door.
@seanrmccauley @DoverCook @ShappiKhorsandi @Rich_Cooper @MarkFindlay26 @kent_imig Nobody needs chivalry. Equality a… https://t.co/isq5Fo84iU— John Dougherty (@John Dougherty) 1537357843.0
H/T - GettyImages, Twitter, Indy100, Medium
Woman Was Fired For Refusing To Wear A Bra At Work—And Now She's Suing
Christina Schell, from Alberta, Canada, stopped wearing bras three years ago citing health reasons.
While Schell did not specify the health reasons, she did state she finds them to be "horrible."
But after her refusal to sign or adhere to a new enforced dress code policy to wear a bra or tank top under her work shirt at a golf course grill where she worked, Schell was promptly fired.
Now, the 25-year-old has filed a human rights violation against the Osoyoos Golf Club, Osoyoos, in British Columbia, Canada.
Schell said:
"I don't think any other human being should be able to dictate another person's undergarments."
When she asked the general manager, Doug Robb, why she had to comply, the manager told her the mandate was for her protection.
Robb allegedly said:
"I know what happens in golf clubs when alcohol's involved."
After losing her job, she brought the case to the British Columbia Human Rights Tribunal and told them the club's dress code was discriminatory because the rule didn't apply towards male employees.
Schell told CBC:
"It's gender-based and that's why it's a human rights issue. I have nipples and so do the men."
David Brown, an employment lawyer in Kelowna, BC, said gender-specific dress codes could be viewed as discriminatory under the BC Human Rights Code.
He stated:
"It's an interesting question as to whether or not an employer can dictate the underwear that women can wear, but they don't say anything about the underwear that men can wear, and does that create an adverse impact on the individual?"
Brown added:
"If this policy is found to be discrimination, the next question is does the employer have a bonafide occupational requirement to essentially impose this on the individual?"
"I'm kind of scratching my head as to what that occupational requirement would be."
@GlobalBC The policy is sexist the peopl supporting it are sexist. Hope she wins her complaint— Lori bell (@Lori bell) 1529692660.0
@Shelby_Thom @WoodfordCHNL @GlobalOkanagan @GlobalBC Then men should have to wear either a tank top or undershirt— caffene fiend (@caffene fiend) 1529624161.0
@SoldByBrock @Shelby_Thom @GlobalOkanagan @GlobalBC What does common courtesy have to do with wearing a bra? Breast… https://t.co/ZVI2xDdpgf— M Shumway (@M Shumway) 1529843759.0
As for the tank top option, due to working under oftentimes extreme heat serving tables outsides, Schell did not want to wear another layer of clothes just because of her gender.
Schell said:
"It was absurd. Why do you get to dictate what's underneath my clothes?"
Employment lawyer Nadia Zaman told CBC that the club can enforce a gender-specific policy as they deem necessary as long as the establishment can prove it is for the occupational safety of its workers.
But the attorney questioned if forcing female employees to wear a bra was applicable in this case.
Zaman stated:
"If they simply require that female employees wear a bra but then they don't have a similar requirement for males, and they can't really justify that … then there is a risk that their policy's going to be deemed to be discriminatory."
Under British Columbia's discrimination law, it is illegal for employers:
'to discriminate against any individual because of his race, color, religion, sex, or national origin'.
@GlobalBC @globalnews Logistically bras or the absence of does not impact health or work performance. That is my v… https://t.co/65cLHBMowf— Louisette Lanteigne (@Louisette Lanteigne) 1529769211.0
McDonald's employee Kate Gosek, 19, agrees with Schell in that the dress code is "unnecessary." She too was harassed by her employers at a McDonald's in Selkirk, Manitoba, over refusing to wear a bra.
"She just told me that I should put on a bra because, McDonald's—we are a polite restaurant and no one needs to see that."
Schell's case sparked plenty of debates on Twitter.
@DunnMan77 @GlobalBC It's just discriminatory, woman shouldn't have to wear bras if they don't want to. As well as… https://t.co/RXhRVWUuNy— Mary Johnson (@Mary Johnson) 1529685276.0
@DunnMan77 @GlobalBC Men do not have to wear underpants if they don't want to. As of right now there are no laws to… https://t.co/l8FuPVybWo— Mary Johnson (@Mary Johnson) 1529686418.0
@GlobalBC Women have the right not to be forced to wear a bra Shaving & makeup also is a choice. If you want to do… https://t.co/Ybkj6PLDnD— Lozan (@Lozan) 1529686156.0
@Lozan72 @GlobalBC I would completely understand her and your argument if we were talking about a potential law to… https://t.co/trRyNAubn4— Chris George (@Chris George) 1529690293.0
@GlobalBC This story frustrates me. There's no dress code equivalent for men? Well if I saw the outline of a male s… https://t.co/5YbAvXKRcO— Molly Max (@Molly Max) 1529705327.0
Schell is not alone in her disdain for bras.
@GlobalBC I personally HATE wearing a #bra absolutely hate it with passion and unashamed to admit it. I HATE BEING… https://t.co/GEi3LtxIDa— Lozan (@Lozan) 1529686305.0
Schell is still waiting to hear from the Human Rights Commission about her claim.
H/T - GettyImages, Twitter, Indy100, CBC