Slap
Napoleon Dynamite Fighting GIFGiphySlap Chop is absolutely useless. What the commercial doesn't tell you is that all the food just gets stuck in the blade. It's literally impossible to do multiple slaps in a row because you have to scrape the food out of the blade after each one. Just use a knife instead.
Face Issues.
Proactiv for cleaning your face. Meant to help get rid of pimples. But it didn't do anything. I counted the days I used it and I think I used it for about 200 days before finally realizing that the product is a waste of time and money.
No amount of topical product will get rid of hormonal or cystic acne. This is the only truth I've learned in my 30+ years of being alive and still dealing with occasional breakouts as an adult. They told me this crap would go away after puberty but monthly cycle hormones disagreed.
All for $60....
The original Hatchimal.
You give it to a kid who then has to be patient because it takes ages to hatch, then it hatches and that's it. Only hatches once and does nothing else exciting. All for $60. I worked at TRU when they were all the rage and hard to find. Just shook my head every time someone dropped that kind of dough on it.
Launch Fail
Anthem. This game killed the hype within hours of launch.
Let me put it this way... the one kind of interesting/novel (and specific) idea in the game, the flight? It was something an EA executive pushed for, and which the devs fought against including, and ultimately crippled.
Sort of sums up that game perfectly.
Jason Schreier did a couple of good write-ups on that game over on Kotaku if you want all the dirt.
Wow those Eggs....
eggs GIFGiphyCostco sells Super Extra-Large Peanuts under their Kirkland brand. "Holy crap," I thought, "they must be the size of eggs!" When I got them home and opened the package, I was disappointed to find that they were approximately the size of peanuts.
The Rolling Revolution....
The Segway.
Edit: Not saying segways are terrible, but the older people here will remember the hype. It was supposed to "revolutionize" the way we travel. Now it's only used by mall cops or tour guides.
Big cities quickly banning it from sidewalks really crippled it. It is also the sort of thing that seems nice when you imagine you are the only one around with one and everyone gets out of your way, but imagine the congestion if the actually became popular.
Ah Snugs....
Consensus: if it's advertised using infomercials or a shopping channel, don't buy it.
Disagree. The Snuggie has been a great investment. Works exactly as they claimed and fills a need that I've always had (arms get cold while reading).
Ah yes the Snuggie! They were pretty cool. The exception that makes the rule
My thought on the Snuggie was that it was just a bathrobe worn backwards.
Skip the Beat....
Beats headphones. I totally fell for the hype. Twice. That is an absolute garbage product. Both sets literally fell apart and the sound quality was not worth it.
Thank you!! I had one pair and the sound was ok but the headphones themselves were super uncomfortable. I bought a pair of Sony headphones for about 1/3 of the price and they are 10 times better.
Google Fail.
Google glass.
The only person I've ever seen use one was this dude who dyed his beard pink and treated everyone around him, including wait staff, like crap. That guy was insufferable, and the Google glass didn't help.
The only person I've ever seen use one was a Google employee on the Google campus. He let me try it but I guess I didn't understand the point. It was just a tiny faint blue screen in front of one of my eyes.
Twinked....
happy dance GIF by Coleture GroupGiphyTwinkies, they seemed to be everywhere in the TV shows imported to the UK and so I always wanted to try one. When I finally did it tasted of disappointment and dust, worst Christmas gift ever.
Magic
When I was a young kid, I saw the Fushigi Ball commercial on TV. It claimed it was a "magic gravity ball". After begging my parents, I finally got it and it was more than just a disappointment. The only good thing I got was a lesson on how marketing works.
The Wizard...
savage GIFGiphyThe Nintendo Powerglove.
Fred Savage's movie The Wizard really sold that junk as elite status gamer equipment. It didn't really work. Oh, for sure.
But most of us didn't want to admit it didn't work, so we just kept messing with arranging and resetting and recalibrating the little sensors that went on the corner of the TV. Hoping that if we just got it set up right this time it would work. And of course every now and then it would kind of almost work which would keep your hope going.
In the end most of us ended up just playing with the standard (backup) controller that was built into the wrist pad. At least it looked kind of futuristic.
Flames....
The Boring Company Not-a-Flamethrower. Damn trigger started breaking after one can of propane, so now it's finicky getting it to start/stop "throwing flame".
Spyra One. Seemed like it was going to be the best squirt gun ever made. It's neat, but far from the best thing ever. Maybe if they were cheaper?
Vicks Vap-o-Rub....
Head On - Apply Directly to the Forehead!
Crap was like a glue stick made of Vicks Vap-o-Rub. I've learned that headaches exist in countless forms and that everyone has their preferred method of dealing with them. I'm very sensitive to smells, so rubbing a cooling agent on my head like those has the opposite effect for me. In my case, I usually have some coffee as the caffeine really helps. I also take a nasal decongestant if they're really bad and that helps the throbbing go away.
Forget Madden
Madden 21. This game sucks big time.
Worst part is to NOT get the games cancelled or postponed you have to pay for the DLC, but it's EA so you should have been expecting that.
Madden is the same thing as FIFA, same game every year. Just it doesn't get made fun of as much.
Painful Feathers....
wake up friends GIFGiphySock 'em Boppers. Turns out they are NOT more fun than a pillow fight.
They were painful! Imagine getting hit full force with a wet towel on your face. Thats how it felt. Forget those things.
make it rain....
Received a ridge wallet as a gift. Absolutely the stupidest most inconvenient thing I've ever seen. You know why every single wallet making company makes identical wallets? Because they work perfectly and require no improvement,and they hold coins, and you can see each one of your cards before you take them out, and you don't have to clip your cash to the outside of the freaking things so everytime you pull it out of your pocket you make it rain unintentionally.
The YT Generation....
Was a fan of this GTA YouTuber for a long time, and of course around Christmas time he made ugly Christmas sweater merch. His looked bad so I asked my mom to buy me one. 30 damn dollars, plus I think 12 for shipping. Comes in three days before Xmas Eve and mom lets me open it early.
It turned out to be literally just a normal red sweatshirt with the "Xmas sweater" design on the chest in a small square. Didn't even cover the full chest. Probably about 4" x 4.5" on the center of the chest part. About 45 bucks for just that. Next time I buy YT merch, it's gonna be a more popular one so the merch isn't so crappy.
Balloon Destruction
That machine that blew up a crap ton of water balloons at once, came out probably 6 or 7 years ago and I asked my mum for it and showed her the commercial and she agreed it looked real fun so she ordered one, and we got it and some of the nozzles weren't working so it probably blew up about half of what it said it would but still there were probably about 20 balloons tied and everything. It barely blows them up before tying them and i don't know what God awful rubber they used because getting hit by one was like getting hit by a freaking rock, then it would fall to the ground and break open.
I hate tickles....
sesame street fainting GIFGiphyWith my kids when they were little... Tickle Me Elmo. Sorry Elmo! I still love ya but... really? Day after Christmas, you were in the bottom of the toy box.
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