RedditorGuildernstern87 wanted to hear about all the ways to be creative when in shock.
"What is your favorite variation of the saying 'What the f**k?'"
I love using naughty words in subtle or over the top ways. Tell me...
No Way
Season 5 No GIF by The OfficeGiphy"Ain’t no f**king way."
evinti01
"This deserves top comment!!"
Commercial_Ad4451
Lyrics
"I'm a fan of 'what in tarnation?' and'"what f**kery is this?'"
kittyclawz
"'What kind of f**kery is this?' Remains one of the best opening lyrics to a song that I can think of."
Sidewalk_Tomato
"Same.I also like to throw in a 'what the heckerooni' or 'what in the ding dang damnable f**k' every now and again to keep things spicy."
murrimabutterfly
Doth tell us...
"Pardon me, my good *itch. What seems to be the f**k?"
Gaybythebay01
"I'm stealing this."
Overall_Use381
"That's just it, sire, it appears we are bereft of f**ks. Throughout thy kingdom, there is nary a f**k to be given nor had."
timmyisserpico
VOT?
"I remember one of the times I really laughed at a post was when an article years back announced a Call of Duty game download would something like 50-60 GB and someone replied with a photoshopped picture of Hitler raising his sunglasses and saying 'VOT ZE F**K!'"
NoStressAccount
Proper
No Way Wtf GIF by HarlemGiphy"What fresh hell is this?"
SeasonedWithCare
"Dorothy Parker in the house!!!!!"
chillin1066
Fresh Hell. I've been using that one.
Sporty
Big Bang Theory Team GIFGiphy"What in the wide, wide world of sports is going on here?"
SteveBonus
A Gassy Response
"My kid will say either What the What or What the Fart. He's 11 so we are hearing a lot of the fart variation right now."
FishWife_71
"I, a grown man, am still fond of 'What in Fart's name?' Yes, I do take Fart's name in vain."
DeathbyChiasmus
"When we were kids we said, nowhere near parental units, mother fuzz-farter! Still fun to say."
Baller5511
Oh La La
"In Quebec we say, 'Qu'est-ce que f**k?' to give it that European flair. Also it's funny as hell. Go ahead, say it out loud."
iceTreamTruck
"Must be relatively new. Lived there for 23 years but moved away in 2009 and never heard 'qu’est-ce que fuck.'"
HLef
"Maybe it’s more of an Ontario thing? Also, I know I’ve only heard it among anglophones."
iceTreamTruck
Hunger
"I like adding unrelated qualifiers such as What the Kentucky fried f**k, or What the biscuit eating f**k. It adds a little extra zing to the emotional expression while also confusing your enemies for a moment while they attempt to decide just exactly what a biscuit eating f**k is."
cawatxcamt
Oh My God Omg GIFthrough a radio...
"Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!"
BrownButterBiscuits
"If I'm ever going to talk through a radio I will use it. Lol."
Dr_Cindebar
"We’ve gone tango uniform!"
Constant_Ad_2775
VILE!
"What the deuce?"
Tonald_Drump83837
"Damn you vile woman!"
Reasonable-Shock-600
"YOU'RE EATING HAIR!!!"
RL_Meeseeks
STUNNED
Nbc GIF by The VoiceGiphy"I stand here befu*kled."
ryanosaurusrex1I
"I'm stealing this."
Kooky-Statistician92
Oh Kell...
"I'm a fan of the cereal related ones, 'What in the cinnamon toast f**k?' And 'What in the Kellogg's frosted f**k?'"
velkus
"I'm also a fan and stealing the Kelloggs one, for sure!"
LikeInnit
Oh God
"My go to is 'what in the bluest of all f**ks?' but I also use 'What on God's beautiful blue green Earth?"
carefulamdelicate
"I thought I was alone with 'what the blue f**k?'"
bearcat-twenty-two
"Great minds, friend. Great minds."
carefulamdelicate
She Funny
Cracking Up Lol GIF by MOODMANGiphy"I picked up my niece once (3 at the time) and she looked me square in the face and said, 'What the thwack?' I almost dropped her I was laughing so hard!"
SugarsBoogers
Yummy F
"This is one I've made up and been using:"
"What the actual, chocolate-covered f**k?"
"Don't ask. I don't know how I strung those all together either."
JukeBoxHero1997
Oy!
ewan mcgregor trainspotting GIF by MIRAMAXGiphy“'What’s all this, then?'”
"In the worst cockney accent."
added_chaos
Following
"The phrases are all so milked and trendy. Like potty mouth emphasizes anything other than what a mouth breathing follower you are."
Cliffs-At-G
I love all of these and I will implement immediately.
Reddit user ViolatingBadgersasked:
"Parents of Reddit, what hilarious thing did your child do that you wanted to laugh at, but had to hold it in because you also didn't want to encourage them?"
If you laugh at the hilarious stuff kids do, they'll do it more. Positive reinforcement in action.
But that's how you get kids who call others peasants ... plus all this stuff.
Slap-a-Pus
eggs platypus GIFGiphy"My boys could not pronounce the word platypus. They somehow defaulted to 'slap-a-pus.' "
- DiAb505
" 'Oh, a slap-a-pus.' *audible gasp* "
" 'PERRY THE SLAP-A-PUS?!' "
- BronzeAgeTea
"I have changed my ways. Next time I go to the zoo, I will say slap-a-pus"
- KinaGrace96
Peasants
"My five-year-old went through a phase where whenever she was mad, she would call people (or cats, or Lego, or whatever she was upset at) 'Filthy peasants!' "
"She would also say to me, 'Mooom! (Babybrother)'s being impudent!' "
"I worry that without in-person school and being around kids her own age, she's gotten REALLY used to being around just adults and her personal mini-minion."
"She's gonna be a dictator, but there's nothing funnier than an imperiously furious five-year-old."
- WhateverCORE2021
So Delicious
"Just a few nights ago, I pulled a stick of butter out of the fridge to see a perfect bite mark taken from the end."
"I call my 6 year old daughter into the kitchen and now have to keep a straight face as she tells me that she must have left the door open and one of the dogs bit the butter."
"She kept up this story even as I SHOWED her the bite marks, INCLUDING the gap from her missing bottom tooth."
"FINALLY, she admits to it and, when asked why, dramatically says 'I couldn't help it, it just looked so DELICIOUS!' "
- dementedpixie
"My mom would have to hide the sticks of butter in the fridge when I was a toddler."
"I would sneak out of my room in the middle of the night and eat them."
- Singingpineapples
"This is super cute - gross as hell but adorable."
- chriscookbuilds
Seamless
"Not a parent but a teacher."
"This student in one of my high school classes was answering a question and having a bit of trouble. Another kid chimed in to say something, maybe give her a hint I don't know."
"Anyway, she just looked at him and dead pan said 'Eat my bootyhole' and then continued her train of thought without pause. She intended for it to be under her breath, but it came out loud."
"What was so funny was the seamlessness with which she wove it into her sentence."
"It was very hard not to laugh so I sighed very loudly and said her name in a scolding tone. She realized her mistake and apologized and I sat at my desk with my hand covering my face for a full thirty seconds while my whole class laughed."
"I had to take a moment before going 'let’s move on' because I was just trying very hard not to crack up."
- Burn-babe
Excused From The Table
corn biscuits GIF by Kacey MusgravesGiphy"My daughter was an early talker…so it was always funny to hear this tiny baby say all this big kid stuff."
"One night at dinner my wife was trying to get her to eat some corn and goes: 'See, mommy likes it.' “
"And my kid who was just barely 3 at the time looks at my wife and goes: 'Well then YOU eat it, mother!' ”
"I had to leave the room."
- SeaTie
Spit It Out
"When my son was 4, he was trying to explain something to me. He was so excited about it he kept restarting his sentence."
" 'It was the- it- the- it was a- it was...' etc for a good 3 minutes."
"I jokingly told him to spit it out. He, being 4 and not understanding that it's just a turn of phrase, actually spit on my floor. And then was able to tell me that he likes dinosaurs."
"I suppose... system reset achieved."
- Obligatory_smile
Calmly And Rationally
"My (at the time) three year old shouts 'FUCK!' in the back seat."
"I say, 'Henry! Don't say that word!' "
" 'But daddy, the f*ckin dammit toy fell down,' he calmly and rationally replied in a sing song 3 year old voice."
- johnwalkersbeard
"It's even funnier when they do it not knowing that it's a swear word."
"An acquaintance was peeling potatoes with her toddler in the room when the bag ripped and the potatoes fell out. The mom went 'Oh, f*ck', but then went around her day making food."
"Anyway, maybe two weeks later she and her daughter had the following conversation:"
"Mom: (rhetorically) 'I wonder what kind of food I should cook.' "
"Daughter: 'Oh f*ck!' "
"Mom: 'What did you just say?' "
"Daughter: 'Make oh f*ck! You bought oh f*ck yesterday!' "
"As you can guess, daughter thought that potatoes were called 'oh f*ck.' "
- Enakistehen
Don't Be A Drag
lady gaga body revolution GIF by VevoGiphy"Except for one band (The Imagination Movers) we never really listened to 'kiddie music' when our son was little."
"So from an early age, he was exposed to the same music that we listen to: mostly 80s/90s pop, Disney music (which my husband likes), classic rock and punk (which I like)."
"One day, when he was in like 2nd grade, his teacher pulled me aside when I went to go pick him up from school."
"Apparently, he'd gotten in trouble because he was having an argument with another boy on the playground at recess. Which that normally wouldn't have been a big deal, but how my son ended the argument was a bit of an issue."
"He told the kid, 'Don't be a drag, just be a queen.' "
"I wanted to bust out howling with laughter, but I didn't. All I could do was apologize to the teacher."
- KnockMeYourLobes
Britches
"Pull-ups (training diapers) have these velcro-like sides that can come apart to adjust the size and for diaper changes."
"My 3yo was putting one on for bedtime and it popped open. I jokingly told her 'Oh no! You burst your britches!' "
"Her response was running off to dad yelling 'I burst my b*tches! I burst my b*tches!' And then she re-enacted the scene and her new catch phrase every night for the rest of the week."
"I about peed myself laughing after I left her room that night."
- St3phiroth
Honey Butter
"My kiddo was 3 when we were out at a New Mexican restaurant. Traditionally we eat sopapillas with honey but this particular restaurant serves honey butter with theirs."
"I slather up a sopa, hand it to her and turn back to the conversation at the table."
"The next thing I hear is her saying, 'This honey butter is sooooo f*cking good!' "
"Her Dad and I glance at each other like, did she just say what I thought she said? I then ask her to repeat herself and sure enough:"
" 'This honey butter is sooo f*cking good!' "
"I had to turn around in my chair and laugh into my elbow before telling her that, while she was not wrong, she couldn't use the f word to describe her satisfaction with her food."
"I still laugh so hard I cry whenever I think about that story. We were at dinner with about 20 family members too!"
- BeeEyeAm
Kraft
a goofy movie cheese GIFGiphy"My brother and I had bunk beds when we were little. We used to sneak out, like army crawl all dramatically through the house, grab Kraft singles, and we’d hide the wrappers in the bottom of the top bunk."
"We denied it for weeks until my mom was on the bottom bunk for some reason and found the hole in the top mattress where we stored all the evidence. There were so many cheese wrappers in there. So many."
"No idea how she kept a straight face when she found them."
"I don't know how we ever stomached those single wrapped cheeses alone, and why we were so obsessed. Good times though!"
- shelllllo
Stealth/Slight Of Hand
"While at Six Flags my six year old daughter wanted some gas station quality sunglasses that they were selling for $40. I was absolutely not shelling out that money for such cheap glasses."
"I said no, but we could get a new pair when we stopped for gas."
"I talk to the clerk to return our two kid buggy rental, and we walk the mile from the return back to the car. My older son wants a couple shoulder rides but, my daughter just walks silently the whole way."
"Before she gets in the car seat, she puts on the sunglasses I refused to buy."
"Stealth/slight of hand +7."
"I was supposed to be mad about the theft, but ..."
- juicegooseboost
Boring
"Wife, out of frustration, sarcastically to our 3 year old:"
“ 'It must be f*cking great to stay up rather than sleep during nap time !' "
"3 year old responded: 'No! It's f*cking boring!!!' "
"I didn't wanna die, so I excused myself before cracking up."
- slipshuck
Arrest Record
arrested stone cold GIF by WWEGiphy"Once, as a substitute teacher, I was at an assembly with a group of 1st graders and the local Police Department was visiting."
"An officer was speaking and a kid yelled out 'Do you know my brother? He gets arrested A LOT!' "
"I pulled my sweater over my face to hide my laughter."
- SurferRosa85
Threats
"My son recently threatened to hurt my wife."
"He grabbed her face, squeezed as hard as he could, his little face turned red, and he yelled the worst thing he could think of:"
' 'I'm going to shine a flashlight right in your eye!' "
"I couldn't hold it in. I lost it. Then he threatened me with the same fate for my disrespect, of course."
"He thankfully did not get his flashlight."
- jules083
The Tree She Hides Behind
"We were playing hide and seek in the yard and I found a huge, corn filled pile of shit behind the tree she liked to hide behind."
"She blamed the dog for weeks until the next time we had corn for dinner."
"She finally caved to the truth and admitted the deed."
"She’s 5. And good at secrets."
- xzl830
"You Are Old"
"When my youngest son was 5, he used to walk over to old people and announce to them that they're old."
"He's autistic so he is very blunt and says things as he sees them."
"Just the look of shock on their faces at being called old, and I have to keep a straight face and apologize when I actually want to snort laugh."
- Snoo_46024
Tiny Road Rage
Angry Dave Grohl GIF by Foo FightersGiphy"Family holiday with young grandkids."
"Someone drove down the wrong way at an underground car park and blocked us. One of the adults said 'Oh man' but that was it. No swearing."
"Then a little voice in the back seat said...'f*cking hell!' "
"It was so in context!"
"We all thought it hilarious but had to be the adults and say that wasn't nice to say the F word!"
- MissGreenie
Mommies Diapers
"When my (now 23yo) daughter was about 2, we’d gone to the store to buy groceries and other assorted items including some feminine products."
"The trip took longer than I’d planned and when arrived back home, some expected friends were already there. I apologized for being late, explaining our errands had taken longer than expected."
"My daughter the furthered the explanation by saying, 'Yeah, we had to get mommy some diapers.' ”
- MsTLC_Georgia
Tiny people are just blessed with natural comedic timing.
So tell us, what's the funniest thing you've had to try not to laugh at?
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Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
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Redditor Jessimania92 asked:
"What movie scene never fails to make you bust out laughing?"
Emperor's New Groove
"Kronk doing his own theme music."
- deanykg
"This, and also Yzma as a cat falling, hitting the trampoline, and evil laughing her way back up."
- theevilgiraffe
"Wrong lever!"
- Riganthor
GiphyTommy Boy
"The scene where he's pitching Callaghan brake pads to a potential client and the clients toy model cars end up on fire....'all because you wanted to save a couple of extra pennies'."
- kaydub12
GiphyGalaxy Quest
"Hey, don't open that! It's an alien planet! Is there AIR? You don't know!"
- Number127
"I'm not even supposed to be here. I'm just 'Crewman Number Six'. I'm expendable. I'm the guy in the episode who dies to prove how serious the situation is."
- Girl-Jacrispy
"By Grabthar's hammer......(contemplates life choices)........ what a savings."
- moistie
GiphyTropic Thunder
"Tom Cruise yelling at that guy in Tropic Thunder."
- CnelAurelianoBuendia
"Then after he goes off on them with the epic rant and hangs up - 'Could you uh, find out who that was'."
- NateDogTX
"The scenes with him killed me. I f'king love that he hangs up, everyone in the room seems a little nervous, and after a moment of silence he declares 'We don't negotiate with terrorists'. Everyone starts clapping."
- xRocketman52x
GiphyCool Runnings
"Ey sanka, ya ded?"
"Ya man."
- 77happytrigger77
"The scene that gets me is when he exits the airport, only to turn right back and dress in everything inside his bag, including the bag."
- RoVeR199809
GiphyThis Is The End
"I always crack up at the part when Jonah Hill gets an exorcism."
“The Power of Christ compels you...”
"And Jonah Hill says 'Does it Jay? Does the power of Christ compel me?'”
- deansn8keshofosho
"'Guess what? It's not that compelling'."
- Spookyfan2
jonah hill GIFGiphyLoki, Loki, Loki
"The scene when Thor explains the snake story and everyone looks at Loki had me cracking so hard in Thor Ragnarok."
- X_HANEEF_X
"Loki’s face after the story is told.. always makes me giggle."
- decadentdarkness
"It's not at all a serious movie, but Thor Ragnarok is probably my favourite Marvel movie. Just wall to wall stupid memeable fun."
- 6432987012
"The one really memorable scene from The Dark World was Loki imitating Captain America. It’s f'king brilliant."
- Karnakite
GiphyDrop Dead Fred
"The dinner scene in Drop Dead Fred."
- Almyra_Raven
"I always bust out laughing when she's on the houseboat and Drop Dead Fred jumps out of nowhere and yells 'PIRATES!'"
"Also, 'wow! Cobwebs!'"
- mypal_footfoot
GiphyBlazing Saddles
"Blazing Saddles: Sheriff Bart's arrival in Rock Ridge."
- JohnRandolph
"Tollbooth scene for me..."
"The Petomane Thruway?! Now, what’ll that a**hole think of next….Somebody’s gotta go back an’ get a sh*tload of dimes.”
‐ _Poppagiorgio_
"'Where the White women at' is one of my all time favorite movie lines. That had to be Richard Pryor writing that line."
"What did you expect? 'Welcome, sonny?' 'Make yourself at home?' 'Marry my daughter?' You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the New West."
"You know..."
"...morons."
- Arch27
"I've read that the 'moron' line was ad-libbed by Gene Wilder, and Cleavon Little's response is genuine."
"Such an amazing movie."
- vantuckymyfoot
GiphyGuardians of the Galaxy
“Where is Gamora?”
“Yeah I’ll do you one better: who is Gamora?”
“I’ll do you one better: why is Gamora?”
- Aggravating_Egg_143
GiphyMonty Python And The Holy Grail
"In Monty Python and the Holy Grail. When Lancelot is running towards the castle, dramatic music playing in the background, he doesn’t gain any ground but continues to run swiftly until suddenly he’s amongst the wedding guests, flaying about him with his trustee sword, slaughtering indiscriminately."
- Joham22
"Same movie but the whole scene where the dad is telling his son he has to marry the princess. The real estate discussion, the singing, the guards, it’s all great!"
- ReadinII
"Son one day all this will be yours!"
"What the curtains?"
- Arampantrhino
"I fart in your general direction."
- StripperThatReads
"Your mother was a hamster!"
- FairyRabbit
"And your father smelt of elderberries."
- Pacific9
"SHE TURNED ME INTO A NEWT!"
"A newt?"
"...I got better."
- LandauTST
"There's so many different kinds of jokes in that movie and none of them fall flat. It's quite astonishing."
- Meese46290
GiphyBruce Almighty
"When Jim carry makes Steve Carrell speak gibberish on the news in Bruce Almighty."
- karmaredemption
"Yess! Especially with the butt rip in the end."
‐ jessness024
"Steve Carell is a very talented comedic actor. I read somewhere that he got the role of Evan Baxter in this movie because of all the people they auditioned he could do this scene the best without breaking character."
- VeryDPP
GiphyPrincess Bride
"The scene in the Princess Bride where Wesley says 'the rodents of unusual size? I don't think they exist' then immediately gets rocked by a ROUS."
- liladey
"Let me esplain..."
"No... there is too much. Let me sum up."
- Bgrum
"You seem like a decent fellow. I hate to have to kill you."
"You seem like a decent fellow. I hate to have to die."
- Small_Time_Charlie
"André The Giant (Fezzik) rhyming every line: 'Anybody want a peanut?"
- random1029384
"I know it's a cliche but the 'AS YOU WISH' while rolling downhill always does it for me."
"Also most scenes where Westley can't move his body."
"Also the whole movie."
- SweetRollsForever
GiphyClue
"Clue….At the end…'I’m going to go home and sleep with my wife'."
- bobcat73
"That whole movie is gold. I love the part when they argue about how many bullets are left in the revolver."
- zisnotabird
"I'M NOT SHOUTING"
"OK"
"I'M SHOUTING I'M SHOUTING I'M SHOUTING"
- Azsunyx
GiphyRobin Hood: Men in Tights
"Robin Hood: Men in Tights"
"When the blind dude, Blinken, is on the toilet with a Playboy."
- skm7430
"Ay Blinken just liked reading the articles."
- Ultimateace43
"Did you say Abe Lincoln?"
- Chickan_Good
GiphyThe Other Guys
"The Other Guys has a lot of great scenes but when the first set of guys jump off the building gets me."
- Lovelyladykaty
"For me, it’s any scene with Captain Gene. Specifically when he is working the Bed Bath and Beyond job talking about their serial rapist in Crown Heights."
"'That’s from my other job. Ignore that. Forget that. Well don’t ignore it if you live in Crown Heights. Walk in pairs'."
- RoseIsGolden
"For me when they get the last part of those other 2 cops conversation, 'I woke up, took the belt off my neck, got in my car and got outta there, thought I'd have to shoot my way out. But what you gonna do though—Bar Mitzvahs'."
- Ok-Bullfrog-3010
GiphyNapoleon Dynamite
"When Uncle Rico throws a steak at Napoleon’s face while he’s riding a bike."
- scaryboilednoodles
"Rex Kwon Do always does it for me."
"Grab my arm. Other arm. My other arm."
- TheNateRoss
"For me it's the driving over the tupperware scene."
- oxalis_rex1
"I remember watching this first time in the theaters not having any idea what the movie was about at all."
"Him throwing that steak made me laugh so hard I almost fell out of the chair. One of the best movie experiences of my life."
- johnnyutah30
GiphyDeadpool 2
"Deadpool 2 Shirtc*cking scene. I am smiling just thinking of it."
- walk_through_this
"When they talk about Russell's prison wallet is what always gets me."
- NorthMurph
"Xavier and company in the room and Beast silently closes the door behind Deadpool’s back in the Mansion."
- PaigeOrion
GiphyAirplane
"The coffee scene in Airplane (I take my coffee like my men)."
"The whole Airplane movie."
- DrPhollox
"Nervous?
"Yes, very."
"First time?"
"No I’ve been nervous lots of times."
- Bashmore83
"This woman has to be gotten to a hospital."
"A hospital? What is it?"
"It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now."
- Wheelazor
"What do you make of this?"
"Well I could make a hat, or a broach, or a pterodactyl..."
- ReallyHadToFixThat
"Leslie Nielsen was the god of flawless deadpan delivery."
“We're sorry to bother you at such a time like this, Mrs. Twice. We would have come earlier, but your husband wasn't dead then.”
- Karnakite
GiphyRedditors listed a lot of great comedy classics.
Did they forget any?
Let us know in the comments.
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Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
I've been blessed with many memories. So I have a deep well of hilarity to tap into. Where to begin? Movies, tv shows, school, job, the list goes on...
Bob?
Dance Reaction GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy"The dude who just asked how much deeper the ocean would be if we removed all the sponges."
"Mom whyyyy???"
"When the toddler danced in on her dad's BBC interview. And proceeding to knock out books on her dad's bed, which was made as if it was a desk. And the baby strolling in, finished with the mother SLIDING her way in and hustling the kids out. The toddler shouts "Mom whyyyy" as she is towed out. Love this clip."
I'm Broke
"This needs a smidge of setting up and is rather non-PC... i'm disabled and rely on a wheelchair to get around anything but very short distances. Chatting with two friends over voice chat online... discussion turned to buying something... I replied with "can't afford it, I'm broke."
"Instantly, one of the other two guys said 'of course you are, that's why you're in a wheelchair' 5 minutes later we stopped laughing. not a word was spoken in that time... we just fell about barely able to breathe properly... even now, a couple of years later we still laugh when the story is told."
- SDLRob
In my face...
"In a boardroom in New York for a high pressure meeting with a dozen executives. A finance pricing exec had previously messed up a contract with the Siemens corporation and was getting hammered not to screw up this current deal we were working on. He had enough and announced "I'm getting really tired of having Siemens thrown in my face!". I absolutely lost it while all the others sat straight faced. Still makes me laugh."
Happy Hour Drinking GIFThose are cute moments. But can they top the best "Golden Girls" episodes? I'm not so sure. I mean, just pick a Rose story and you'll be destined to smile.
Thank you Alex
darrell hammond snl GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy"Celebrity Jeopardy on SNL. One of the categories was Japan-US Relations. Darrell Hammond as Sean Connery read it as "Jap-anus" relations. I laughed so hard for so long I thought I was going to pass out."
Louder
"The announcements for vocal talent on the Mario movie."
"The reveal that Toad would be played by Michael Key, which was followed up by the reveal of Seth Rogan as Donkey Kong was the greatest moment in human history."
Pleased to... what?
"That Bondulance tweet always gets me going. (Not that I am on Twitter!) It's funniest in its original tweet format. https://mobile.twitter.com/thepunningman/status/539714048246697986?lang=en
- The bond's Name. James Name.
- Pleased to… what?
- Bond Name's the James.
- Are you alright?
- Bames Nond's having a stronk, call a Bondulance." PositiveRequirement4
Not so Sturdy
"One time in high school, while on the phone my friend decided it would be funny to try and knee me in the butt but to his surprise my skinny, boney butt is a lot more sturdy than his knee, I felt nothing, he on the other hand was on the ground with a swollen knee, in pain unable to walk or get up from the pain."
People Share Dark Secrets From Their Profession The Public Doesn't Know | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Sometimes secrets are an integral part in making magic. Though many professions withhold truth from the public, some things we'd prefer to know. Do we really...What a day...
"When I was about 13, I was at the dinner table with my parents, grandmother and little brother (11). While eating, my bro kept farting every 20 seconds, and me being the child I am I was laughing like crazy! It came to a point where I couldn't breathe so I asked him to fart quietly."
"I then heard a small squeak coming from his chair and I lost it. Once I calmed down, I asked him to go to the toilet to fart. He did so and ripped the biggest piece of echoing thunder I have ever heard. I was choking on my steak and took my food upstairs. What a day."
Swiss?
30 Rock Cheese GIFGiphy"One time I went to a buddies house because he texted me to swing by. Came in about 20 minutes, and he was passed out on the couch with a half eaten block of cheese on his lap. To this day 9 years later it's still the funniest crap I've seen."
- TR3V89
I love Jude...
"My friend was struggling to remember the name of a movie for several hours during in a hang-over pizza breakfast in bed. We're in the middle of a completely different conversation and she blurts out "Jude Law is a disabled man!" After the laughter subsided we were finally able to guess the movie from that clue."
Party Pooper
"Buddy of mine crap himself while passed out at the bonfire at a party (theater kids, they get wild) he drank and smoked more than he could handle, likely because he wanted to fit in. When someone came and told me I dropped to the floor and laughed for a good 10 minutes."
"Once we composed ourselves we cleaned him up ( I disposed of the crap) and put him in bed. When he asked why he was wearing different clothes in the morning we told him he had puked on himself and never said another word. Guy was a real party pooper."
Under the Table...
"When my daughter was two years old she loved playing hide and seek. I'd count to ten and then come looking for her, and I'd make it fun by searching around even though I knew she was behind the curtain or behind the couch because she'd be giggling a bit. I walked into the kitchen and loudly say "now where oh where could (my daughter) be?" and then I heard "I'm under the table."
- kitjen
Captain America Lol GIF by mtv"Yup. Only did shrooms twice. First time, felt nothing, probably got ripped off. Second time, my cousin and I spent probably four or five hours just sitting in his basement laughing our butts of at absolutely nothing. I don't remember why I started laughing, but I remember we both tried to express to each other that we had no idea what was so funny, and then that seemed like the funniest thing ever and I was laughing even harder."
A doe...
"When I was a kid a doe wandered onto my street and my friend and I were staring at it. My friend sneezed and scared the hell out of it and it bounded face first into the side of an RV, spazzed out trying to get back up with it's legs flailing in every direction, and bounded away in comically high leaps. I laughed so hard I fell over and skinned the hell out of my elbow."
A Good Grin
"When I discovered I had accidentally left the vibrator in my laundry room that my girlfriend had given me as a joke. Most people leave a socks not vibrators. It went missing but I noticed some old ladies in my building grinning mischievously. I told my friends they laughed hysterically with me."
2 MINUTES!!!
"My family was all getting together at my parents house. Me and one sister were already there, our youngest sister just arrived. Older sister goes upstairs to get something, leaves the rest of us in the kitchen. I hear the younger one go "I'm not really sure how to open this..." and the next thing I knew, I'd been shot point blank in the chest with a champagne cork."
"Sister walks back into the kitchen to both me and my mom on the floor in tears laughing while our other sister is panicking holding and over flowing bottle dripping everywhere. "I WAS GONE FOR TWO MINUTES WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED" It was another few minutes before we could explain ourselves."
Out of Class
Teacher Shame GIF by Lesibu GrandGiphy"In biology class in high school, a friend nudged me and pointed to the skeleton in the room."
"Someone had placed its pointer finger in its mouth and positioned the other hand on its pelvis, like where a belt buckle would be. I could not contain my laughter and no one else thought it was nearly as funny as me. My teacher was not pleased and I was almost kicked out of class."'
I love cheese. I almost choked to death laughing on cheese. One hasn't lived until a near-death "cheesing."
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