People Reveal The Stupidest Thing They've Ever Heard Someone Say
Reddit user Moo1124 asked: 'What's the stupidest thing you've ever heard anyone say?'
We've all had a conversation with someone where they say something where they've said something incorrect or inaccurate.
Sometimes, our gut reaction is just to laugh, as it was an honest mistake, such as mixing up a pair of celebrities or misusing or mispronouncing a word.
Other times, we might feel the need to put them in their place and not only correct them but educate them.
Then there are the times when we have just heard something so shockingly inane that we are left completely and utterly speechless.
Redditor Moo1124 was eager to hear all the dumb things the Reddit community heard which left them dumbfounded, leading them to ask:
"What's the stupidest thing you've ever heard anyone say?"
Before You Denounce Something, Make Sure You Know What It Is
"'I don't believe in astronomy'."
"We asked her if she meant astrology, and she asked, 'which is the one where like, you can tell what stars are made of?''
"We confirmed that was astronomy'."
"'Yeah, I don't believe in that'."- octohog
That Explains All The Traffic Jams?
"That when you press on the horn of your car, it lowers the amount of air in your front right tire due to it helping make that horn sound."- Boomstick123456
Oh, Dear...
"I was walking around the ruins of the ancient cliff dwellings at Mesa Verde just outside of Mancos, Colorado, (where the Ancient Puebloans lived from approximately 550 A.D. to 1300 A.D.) when a visitor asked the tour guide:"
"'Why did they build their homes so far from the highway?'"- badwolf1013
driving los angeles GIF by HOLLYWOOD LOVE STORYGiphyRibbet...
“'I can shoot with my left hand, I can shoot with my right hand, I'm amphibious'."- Master_Grape5931
Racist No Matter What...
"Apparently when my daughter was first born she looked vaguely East Asian."
"Enough, at least, for the nurses to ask if I was sure it was my baby."
"Now that was an incredibly weird thing to say to a new dad meeting his daughter for the first time, but it wasn't the stupidest thing someone said about this situation."
"That happened when I was retelling the above story to a client in a meeting."
"He asked to see a photo of my kid as a newborn, remarked how she really did 'look Asian', and then proceeded to ask if I thought my child might end up having an Asian accent when she got older."- JoeyCalamaro
"Where are you from, China or Asia?"- SonaPen22
Cbs No GIF by HULUGiphyWhen Life Gives You Lemons
"Asked someone if they drove a stick."
"They responded, 'no, I drive a car'."
"Now I have a dad joke I’ll remember forever."- 99problemsbut
ID Please...
"I once found a big bulldog in my back yard."
"I don't own a bulldog."
"He was a big friendly, but slow witted guy."
"He look healthy and had a collar but no tags so I knew he was a local."
"I made sure he had water and went to the front yard to start knocking on doors."
"As soon as I stepped outside I saw the family three houses down all gathered in their front yard."
"So another case closed for our young detective."
"I walked over to them and said, 'You guys missing a bulldog?'"
"The mother looked at me and said, 'Is his name Tyson?'"
"The question took me aback."
"I mean, he didn't have tags."
"They knew he didn't have tags."
"So all I could think to say was, 'He didn't say'."
"'But I'm pretty sure he's yours'."
"To this day I wonder if that woman knew how dumb that question was."- Spodson
looks stupid english bulldog GIFGiphyUnder The Influence
"Stoned friend ."
"What year is February in?'"- IHave47Teeth
Woof Woof...
"My teacher told a class of 16-17 year olds about that super loyal dog in Japan who walked to the train station daily for nine years to wait for his owner, who died at work."
"After hearing that story, a girl raised her hand and asked 'Why didn't somebody just tell the dog?'"- Senator_Ruth_Martin
That's Why The FDA Warns Against It...
"When I was 12 years old a friend told me 'smoking is good for you because the smoke makes a shield around your heart when you breathe it in'."
"He argued that the smoke could prevent you from being stabbed or shot."
"Even at 12 I knew he was a moron."- ipondy
There's Denying Global Warming, And Then...
"Solar panels will cause a global ice age, because the law of thermodynamics states energy cannot be created or destroyed, so obviously they must be removing heat from the air."
"With no sense of irony of the scale nor efficiency (or lack thereof) of solar panels and their capacity to cool."- peptobiscuit
In Debt, Maybe...
"I knew a Finance major in college who thought he was worth $20k because he had two credit cards with $10k limit each."- alano134
No one loves a know-it-all.
Especially when they don't actually know anything at all...
The Most Hilarious Punishment Recruits Ever Received In The Military
Reddit user Defiant_Concert_9542 asked: 'What's the most hilarious punishment you've ever heard of someone receiving in the military, and how did they end up in that absurd situation?'
Mischievous military recruits in the process of basic training may not always be seriously punished unless they commit a serious crime like stealing.
Instructors punish those in training with an assortment of disciplinary tactics, which can include yelling and "getting dropped"–or being ordered to do push-ups.
Some instructors, however, like to get creative.
Curious to hear about some unique forms of military punishment, Redditor Defiant_Concert_9542t_9542 asked:
"What's the most hilarious punishment you've ever heard of someone receiving in the military, and how did they end up in that absurd situation?"
These recruits were made to be the laughing stock.
"Forgetting The Hat"
"A couple of guys hated wearing their cover (hat), so they kept 'forgetting' to put it on when going outside."
"Sgt made them each 'wear' the other guy's hand as cover for a few days. They looked so ridiculous/miserable walking around holding another man's bald head."
– Scaphismus
Bad Hat
"Had a guy forget to put on his hat when coming outside during basic training. Instructor told him that it wasn't his fault but that it was the hats fault. He made the guy spank the hat and yell 'Bad Hat' over and over. After that he said even though the hat was bad he still needed to let the hat know that he loved him. He then made him caress the hat and tell him that he loves him."
– Kmo78
Importance Of Being On Time
"So this guy was constantly late to everything. Never out of bed on time, never in formation when he was supposed to be, etc."
"The Sargents pulled a clock off the wall, attached a bike chain to it, and make it look like a big a** necklace. (If you were a rap fan back in the day you may know where this is going)"
"They made the dude wear it like a Flava Flav clock chain. They would constantly scream at him 'Flava Flav what time is it?!?'"
"He learned to be on time real quick."
– LeluWater
Things get more creative.
Perfect For The Gullible
"We would tell every new person in our squadron that they had to set up an appointment with 'Captain Dees.' We'd give the person the local number of the Captain D's restaurant. They'd call the number and ask to speak with Captain Dees. It was hilarious every time."
– Kmo78
Ladybug Story
"I once had a ladybug land on my desk during morning inspection. When staff found it. I had to write a 500 word biography of who the bug was etc. and then had to make sure he was there for the rest of the week in good health for every morning inspection that week. Lol"
– withoutwarningwood
How Touching
"Newly promoted to Sergeant me and my buddy got the task of pre barracks inspection prior to our new CSM barracks inspection which was to be after our 1SG barracks inspection. Ya... anyway, the new CSM wanted troops to actually have their rooms decorated and lived in looking which whatever right? So everything is going fine we're still in good with the E4 Mafia so we're given heads up on whose rooms actually need inspected and which we could just skip cause they were squared away. Last room of the evening and it's bare as a prison cell. Troop was using his woobie (poncho liner) as a blanket, no pillows and literally nothing in this room that wasn't issued not a thing in his fridge etc. Come to find out he has been sending all like seriously ALL his money home to his mom to help raise his 4 siblings. Me and the other Sergeant ordered him to come with us to the PX, we got on the horn to our 1SG explained the situation and he met us at the PX with our entire upper NCO chain and the Commander. We forced this kid to buy over 1000 dollars of items/food/tv/etc for his room and all the money was donated by the NCO chain and the Commander. That was a great leadership was very sad to leave that unit. Sorry long winded lol"
– geriatric-sanatore
Free Concert
"We had a guy who could just not get his sh*t together. We all know that troop. Even the easy things were hard, etc etc."
"The cadre found out he was a former opera singer and also fluent in German. So they made him write and sing opera songs about his f**k ups. This was the only thing he was good at."
"Now here’s where this gets hilarious, beyond one dude singing self-deprecating songs in a marching formation. The cadre would bark 'German style!' and he’d seamlessly switch his lyrics to German. They’d yell 'underwater style!' and he’d take his index finger and flip it up and down on his lips as he sang, making the song sound bubbly."
"Not only could the cadre not hold it together, the guys in his company would absolutely lose it. Complete breakdown in military bearing, and no one cared. Other cadre and instructors would come just to listen and they would be in tears laughing."
"I don’t know where you are now homeboy, but thanks for the laughs."
– vmikey
Environmentally Conscious
"Having to carry a plant to make up for the oxygen he was wasting."
– International_Set522
"I remember one of the others on my intake being sent over to the nearest tree to deeply apologise for wasting the good oxygen this tree produced and explain to said tree why he was such an utter t*t...."
– The_Burning_Wizard
Lesson to be learned: don't lose or forget things that are essential.
What's The Big ID-a?
"Guy kept losing his ID/leaving it sitting in the computer. Chief 'borrowed' it, took it to one of those one hour print job places, had it blown up to like 3 feet across, cut the picture out, and made the idiot walk around all day holding his enormous ID up with his face in the cut out hole. He stopped misplacing his ID after that."
– HakunaYouTaTas
Don't Lose The Rock
"We had a tradition when you were new to the unit and went on our first summer exercise (National Guard) that you would need to carry a rock around with you. It was an inspectable item so it needed to be with you at all times. You were not to let anyone else have this rock. The trick was if you lost the rock, you'd get another rock chosen by the platoon sergeant."
"One guy had a hard time with the 'Don't give this to anyone else' and kept losing his rock. After the 4th or 5th time, the platoon sergeant gave him what I can only describe as a small Boulder. This kid had to lug that rock around for the next week but he made damn sure not to lose it."
– Lawson470189
The Long Road March
"1995 - At mile 4 of an 12 mile hump (quick water break), my assistant gunner forgot the tripod for the M60. The platoon sergeant made him hug and apologize to every tree along his side of the road for wasting oxygen for the rest of the road march. 8 miles of this and no one could go past him. A road march that should've taken three hours ended up taking 12. There's a lot of trees at Ft. Campbell"
– MrL1970
The road from being a recruit to soldier is a tough but rewarding one in the end.
While some of the punishments and actual training tactics seem insurmountable, they build character, better physical endurance, and resilience.
It may be grueling, but it's all part of the military world.
Are you up for the challenge?
People Reveal The Absolute Best Insults They've Seen Someone Land
We all have those moments when we want to have the perfect comeback, but we draw a complete blank.
Until three days later when we have an epiphany about what we should have said.
Well, maybe these bons mots can put some weapons in your arsenal.
Reddit user MirrorFunhouse asked:
"What's an insult that's been thrown at you (or you heard toward someone else) that you actually admired or just made you laugh?"
So many insults to choose from...
"You look like someone who would pre-heat the microwave."
~ triggamon
GiphySome are one-liners.
"It could be that the purpose of your life is to serve as a warning to others."
~ triggamon
Others require a little set up.
"My bestfriend and I were roasting each other.
"Me: 'What are you going to say to me that my parents haven't already said?'"
"Her: 'I'm proud of you'."
~ Normal-Kangaroo9209
"It’s not worth insulting you as nature has already done enough damage."
~ triggamon
"Heard one of my sister’s bullies call her fat and mock her weight at school."
"She just yelled back 'B*tch you’re the f'king ugliest thing I’ve ever seen, I can lose weight, what the f'k are you going to do about that face?'”
~ ViciousFlowers
“You’ve got two brain cells left and they’re competing for third place”
~ kirbyourenthuasiam
"I like 'you only have two brain cells, but one of them is lost and the other went looking for it'."
~ MurderousButterfly
"Or 'you only have two brain cells left, and they're each trying to bum a smoke off the other'."
~ The_Lab_Rat_
"You are living proof that the education system needs better funding."
~ triggamon
“You’re as smart as you look.”
~ triggamon
"Random dude online told me to go back to Mexico when I made a joke about the US medical insurance costs."
"I corrected him saying I was Canadian, and he replied with 'stfu, you're just a snow Mexican then'."
"For some reason I just immediately imagined a dude removing snow off his car while wearing a sombrero and laughed for a good 3 minutes."
~ PleasingPotato
"Que pasa, eh?"
~ VolatileUtopian
"As a Canadian living in Texas, my stepdad would call us icebacks."
~ Dudhist
"You're intellectually on the ground already and what do you do?"
"Begin to dig."
~ triggamon
Self owns are rife with opportunities.
"My friend got in a heated argument with her son (nothing new, they’re both hot-tempered) and she called him a son-of-a-b*tch and he said 'that’s right, I am!!' And they both cracked up laughing."
~ Sola_Bay
"My cousin jokingly called her teenage son a son-of-a-b*tch and I laughed and said 'You just called yourself a b*tch!' and then she told me to f'k off. It was great!"
~ Damn_Dog_Inappropes
"My friend once had the same thing happen and shouted back: 'At least we can agree on something, MOM!' His mom was pissed as soon as she figured it out a hot second later, but his dad tried his hardest to keep a straight face."
~ Lord-Redbeard
"I envy people that didn't get to know you."
~ triggamon
"In elementary a kid once shouted at me 'you're so weird, you probably were able to read the paper when you were THREE YEARS OLD!!'."
"Basically he called me 'smart' to my face."
~ kuunwiir
"Unintentional compliments are the best. You know they aren’t lying because they tried to insult you."
"My brother said to me ‘you look 16 at age 20' and I was like 'OMG THANKS'."
~ Easy_Set4108
"You're not the dumbest person on Earth, but if I were you I'd hope that person doesn't die soon."
~ triggamon
"In my early teens I told a good friend of mine (roughly translated) 'Dude, you're like the king of all dumba**es!'."
"Without missing a beat he asked 'Shouldn't you obey me, then?'."
"At that point I had to admit I had indeed gotten got. It's been over 20 years and it still burns a bit."
~ Celphii
"I'd explain it to you in a way even you'd understand, but I have neither the time nor the crayons."
~ triggamon
Giphy"Your self-confidence contradicts your expertise."
~ triggamon
"My friend and I were at a place known for its clubs and drinking spots. We were waiting for our car when a man was hitting on us and inviting us to drink."
"Dude told us he's 47 and without hesitation, I asked 'Oh, so are you here with your kids?'."
"My friend was holding in a laugh while I was just clueless why, then I realized I pretty much called him an oldie."
~ kwirinkyy
"Some tree is woking its a** off to produce the oxygen you're consuming."
"You owe that tree an apology."
~ triggamon
Giphy"I had a Mexican girlfriend who was self-conscious about her bad grammar in English. She got into an argument with another girl in English."
"She suddenly turns to me and points at the other girl and says, 'she is a little b*tch', then just jumps back into the argument. I found it a bit odd, but whatever."
"Afterward I ask her were you trying to bring me into the argument by telling me she was a little b*tch? She said 'no, I just wanted to call her a little b*tch and wasn't sure if it was, you are a little b*tch or you is a little b*tch. I knew she is a little b*tch was correct so I said that, but I couldn't say that to her, so I just said it to you'."
"The delivery carried some weight, and there were many subtle elements, although unintentional. There was uninvolved 3rd party verification, and it felt like she was undermining her that she was such a little b*tch that she didn't even bother directly telling her."
"It was very effective. The other girl was visually dissed."
~ MoneyShotMalone
"My expectations towards you were low and what do you do?"
"The limbo."
~ triggamon
limbo belt GIFGiphySo do you have a favorite comeback?
If not, you have some to choose from now.
Any couple who comes to a mutual understanding that there is no future and/or chemistry in their relationship should consider themselves lucky.
After all, when one half of a couple surprises the other with their desire to break up, it's never a pretty scene
Largely owing to the fact that the one being dumped often wants a reason "why."
While some people use that age-old, eternally unsatisfying excuse "it's not you, it's me", others can be a little more specific.
Lack of chemistry, not enough in common, wanting different things, lives going in different directions.
In some cases, the reason people decide to end their relationships might be a little more specific, and incredibly strange to boot.
"What's the weirdest reason you've broken up with someone?"
Shiver Me Timbers!
"In the early 2010ish era I was in college and went out for Halloween."
"And met a guy dressed as a pirate that looked like Johnny Depp dressed as a pirate, it was the era of those movies."
"We started dating and I realized he looked like a pirate 24/7/365 and I couldn’t handle it."- toreadorable
Bird Watching Isn't For Everyone...
"We saw an owl while driving in a road and I thought it was so cool to see it fly over us and land in a nearby tree."
"She thought I was crazy."
"I mean…it’s an owl."
"How can it not be cool?"- SlytherinWario
No One Likes A Cheater
"She thought she got the answer to the crossword, when it was actually me."- IsolatedPSup
Compromise Is Key
"Never wanted to get tacos."- Mcshiggs
Loud And Clear
"He talked so fast that I often couldn’t understand him."
"When I would ask him to please talk slower, he would talk LOUDER."
"But just as fast."- SouthSideSurvivor
Season 2 Fairfax GIF by Amazon Prime VideoGiphyAt Least Pancakes Are Round...
"We had an argument about the way the world works.'
"I thought it worked as a globe he thought it worked as a pancake."- Minix22·
Not Cool
"She threw garbage out my truck window while driving down the road."
"First date-last date."- paintman01
Pee-Ew!
"His feet smelled."
"I mean so bad."
"They were so bad one night I thought he sh*t the bed."
"Wasn't going to go the long haul with that."- hunnyjo
Disgusted Full House GIF by absurdnoiseGiphyElle Ne Comprend Pas...
"She would speak French to herself in the mirror at home, and then she would do it at restaurants thinking it made her sound sexy, I guess?"
'I don’t know."
'Here’s the thing."
"She knew not one word of French."
"She had no desire to learn a single word of French."
"She just spoke gibberish that sounded VAGUELY like French."
"She was a full grown woman in her late 20s."
"College degree and a job."
"She started doing it around the second month into our relationship."
"That sh*t embarrassed the hell out of me."
"I know a few words and even offered to teach her - foreign student taught me how to say, 'I love a lobster' and other weird sh*t that we both thought was hilarious while getting baked."
'She said she didn’t want to learn."
'She just wanted to act like she was speaking French."- LookMaNoPride
french yes GIFGiphyDog Gone It...
"Her dog was teaching my dog to howl at sirens."- Wake95
Some Might Find This an "Eeeeexcellent" trait...
"He had posture & hands like Mr. Burns from 'The Simpsons'."- Natural-Ad2924
Moving Too Fast...
"She added me to her family's group chat after a week of dating."
"I was about 16 at that time and felt much pressure."- SirLaw___
Im Watching You GIFGiphyIf a relationship has no future, there's no point in staying in it.
And sometimes, you don't even need to dig for an excuse as to why things need to come to an end.
Or, as the French would say: "Escargots, Brie, Formidable"...
(Sacré Bleu!)
When it comes to insults, clever is better.
Anyone can go the obvious route of simply calling out a person's physical appearance or intellectual capacity.
But if you really want to be remembered, you've got to be creative.
The playwright William Shakespeare was fond of clever insults.
And Ballroom culture made reading and shade into artforms.
Reddit user No_Throat_1574 asked:
"What is the most creative insult you’ve ever heard?"
Baked
"An employee of mine told me that I was the raisin in his day's chocolate chip cookie."
- SellingMakesNoSense
Not so artistic
"Your face looks like something I’d draw with my left hand."
- weshric
Talking out your butt
"'They ruined a perfectly good bum when they put teeth in your mouth.' - Billy Connolly."
- That80sguyspimp
"Growing up, my best friends mother used to say 'it’s a shame God put so many teeth in your mouth…ruined a perfectly good a**hole'…"
"Same energy. Shout out Tia 🖤"
- ends_and_odds
We all deserve a break
"You have your entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?"
- rip1980
Green with envy
"I envy people who don’t know you."
- StalinsPerfectHair
Right in the childhood
"'You're not being the person Mr. Rogers knew you could be.' Emotional damage"
- couch_hammer
Emotional Damage GIF by Jennifer AccomandoGiphySlow down a bit
"Knowledge has been chasing you, but you have always been faster."
- Bright-Baker8267
Common loot energy
"You look like you drop common loot when defeated."
- GeorgeCauldron7
A bit bland
"I’ve always enjoyed 'If she were a spice, she’d be flour.'"
- Toren8002
No excuses
"I bumped into a homeless guy. I said excuse me."
"He said 'There is no excuse for you!!!'"
"With his leathered vigor, he's probably right."
- LOGOisEGO
Pain in the foot
"One time a third grader who was very annoyed with me told me 'you’re a rock in my shoe' and I’ve never forgotten that"
- madagascarprincess
Reap what you sow
"I hope your day is as lovely as your personality."
- montanagrizfan
"This works as both an insult and a compliment"
- Yezzzzzzzzzzzz
"'If my dog had a face like yours, I’d shave it’s @ss and teach it to walk backwards'"
- WteMxy
boxer dog gifofdogs GIF by Rover.comGiphyI would consult my own
"'If I wanted to hear an a**hole’s opinion, I would have just farted.' Learned this one a month ago and don’t know how I survived 40.5 years without it!!"
- ITSBRITNEYsBrITCHES
I'm not that flexible
"I'm trying to see things from your point of view but my head won't fit up my arse."
- Horrorbmoviepunk
It's generally better to try to play nice with others when you can but, if you're going to be mean, at least get creative.