I battle with depression. I've been doing this dance so long that I wouldn't even know what a fully happy life looks like. But I'm going to try. It's the "try" I've been avoiding for quite some time. So if you empathize with me, know you're not alone.
Career Path
Job GIFGiphy"I really like my job but it doesn't pay well and I'm torn between enjoying my work and making more money."
Talk to someone...
"I think about death all the time, I can't stop. It affects every aspect of my life. I can't find the motivation to do anything or the meaning in anything. Fearful of the future. Afraid of death. Nothing can fix this."
"This is a common sign of depression. Not every depressed person gets suicidal ideation, some of us get a preoccupation with death. Talk to someone. It doesn't have to be like this."
Focus on You
"Never feeling like I'm going to live up to my family's expectations for me."
"You're chasing the end of the rainbow, my friend. Take it from someone who has been running longer than Forrest Gump did."
"I feel you man, I have a super loving family and it hurts so much more knowing that their expectations are really high and I don't have the energy to improve myself."
Bye Kitty
"My cat is dying and I lost my job today. I hope he holds on I'm doing everything I freaking can. I literally told my boss I wanted the job because I need to help my dying cat in the interview. It was a self owned pet store. When she let me go she didn't even blink when I begged her to please not do this my cat will die."
"Some people really suck. I considered paying a homeless person to sh*t on her doorstep since they can just wear a mask. But idk. I started applying to jobs as soon as I got home."
First Steps...
Breathe Out GIF by Carlotta NotaroGiphy"I'm starting to realize how much of an alcoholic I really am."
Nothing
Cry Reaction GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy"I'm just lost. I feel like I have nothing to show for. I've been in the worst depression of my life and I just don't know what to do anymore."
The Bad Dream
"Been interviewing for so long. So many places. I'm waiting for this job I really want bad. I have interviewed 4 times and am waiting for the call. If I don't get it I am trying to tell myself it will be ok but I know I will be crushed."
- Mapbot11
"Didn't even want to code again, but slowly you tell yourself if this is really what you want, then go and get it. You'll be okay even if you don't get it, you'll be sad for a little while but you'll pick yourself up, learn from the errors you did (assuming you get a report of where you didn't perform well) and try again with good preparation. :) Best of luck."
Things That Are Normal Where You Live But Crazy Anywhere Else | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
"back in the day"
"I don't have any friends. I have a beautiful wife, a wonderful daughter, a home, a good job, great relationships with nearby family, I can afford stuff, my life is honestly better than it has ever been. But, between moving a few times, becoming a parent, and covid, I don't think I actually have any friends anymore, at least not in the city I live in. Like I find myself wanting to hang out with people, only to realize... who?"
"It's harder because my wife has this incredible close group of friends who have all know each other their entire lives, and I've made friends with some of them, but it's not the same as someone you have history with. I'm realizing I'll never again kick it with someone who knew me "back in the day" and that makes me think that maybe THOSE weren't really friendships either, or else people would have stuck around. Rambling, sorry."
Pain Killers
"I got into a motorcycle wreck 6 months ago. I've been on Hydros for 6 months. I abuse them daily and take twenty 5/325 MG per day. And now I get 770 pills per month."
"bro taking that much tylenol will destroy your liver and cause immense future pain. if you're going to abuse the hydros lookup how to filter out tylenol."
Scarlett
"I miss my daughter, she died last year. March 30 2020. She was only five months old. I feel her absence with every breath. It actively feels like my heart is breaking everyday, all day. Chest pains won't go away. I wish I was on the moon with my sweet Scarlett June. RIP my darling girl, who was my whole world."
Dear Dad
Season 10 Hug GIF by FriendsGiphy"My dad is dying of pancreatic cancer. There's nothing more his doctors can do to help him. He doesn't have much time left."
Moral of the story? We have some serious self work to do. And the good news is that it's doable. We can overcome. Most of the time... we just have to want to. It's not always going to bright and that is ok. Stay stay calm and move forward.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
I was never that person. Maybe for the longest time, I thought crying was a sign of weakness and I didn't give in.
That is until I watched The Color Purple and sobbed after witnessing Nettie and Celie reuniting after 30 years.
Still gets me every time.
Curious to hear from strangers online and of their most vulnerable moments, Redditor CSCW asked:
"What never fails to make you tear up or cry?"
Death
Whether it's a family member or a hospital staff, witnessing a person's last breath is something that can stay with you forever.
The Note
"My late partner passed away from leukemia at 38 years old. He hid a letter for me in our room in case he didn't make it. It's the most beautiful and eloquent thing I've ever read."
"He talks about regretting not being able to see my hair turn Grey, or seeing me accomplish my dreams. He gives me permission to fall in love again, be messy, and move forward. The level of support is so encouraging. It's also a heartbreaking read and I've only read it 3 times. I will read it again on the 2 year date of his passing at the end of this month."
The Son
"Thinking about how poorly I treated my dad when he was still alive. He was always trying to find things in common with me to connect with me. When I found out he liked something I also liked, I just changed my mind and found it uncool. I looked down on the tv shows he liked and didn't realize until later that he had an awesome taste for quality campy television like The Adventures of Brisco County Junior and other classics from that era of 90s syndicated television. If I knew him now he'd be my best friend. I did try to connect with him in the last few years of his life but he had dementia by then and couldn't follow things I knew he would have found interesting before."
"His last words to me were 'It hurts' while I held his hand during catheterization on his last trip to the hospital. I was too embarrassed from seeing his penis to offer any true comfort."
The Patient
"One particular patient I had working in a trauma center. 19 year old girl I'd never seen before, and didn't know at all. She was ejected from a vehicle and then crushed because her boyfriend was trying to show off. I was training new staff, and they were at the end of their training so I was only in the room to provide supervision and step in if necessary and I spent the entire trauma holding her hand (on her request) and trying to comfort her and keep her mind off of the injuries to both of her legs."
"Her last words were spoken directly to me: 'this really hurts. Can I go to sleep?'"
"I cried for days after. I've never had a patient's death hit me as hard before or after."
Pets
Losing a pet can cause as much grief as losing a family member.
Dog's Last Day
"Thinking about my dogs last day. She was 17 years old and her organs were shutting down. Before we took her to get put down she was in the backyard eating her food. She walked slowly to us while wagging her tail and we took her. When we got home to bury her I looked over at her dog bowl and there was still a bit of food in it. Kills me every time I think of it."
Irreplaceable
"When my dog died I thought of taking her to get put down but she was so scared of the vet that I couldn't let her last moments be full of fear. I sat with her all night, she stopped eating, she couldn't move much, she couldn't control her bladder, but I still sat with her. I kissed her on the head and told her I'd be okay and not too lonely, it was ok for her to go when she was ready. A few minutes later she let out a little yelp and that was it. That was 5 years ago and I haven't been able to get another pet since because I don't know if I can go through that again."
Goodbye, Mortimer
"Thinking of that abandoned little kitten I found. I called him Mortimer. Tried to keep him alive. Bottle feeding him. Keeping him warm, skin to skin. Staying awake through most of the night. Calling in sick day after day to stay with kitty. Emergency vet scheduling with them saying he probably won't make it."
"Kitty didn't make it. It's when my oldest cat slowly stalked up to the cat, nudging her nose against Mortimer's head. Mortimer didn't move. Didn't react. I put him in a shoebox with his blanket... So he would not be cold."
"Buried him and left a little pebble for a tombstone."
"That was twenty years ago."
"I'm sorry, Mortimer. I couldn't save you."
Movies And Music
People connect to songs and films because it resonates on a certain level.
"Cant help falling in love - elvis"
"Was supposed to be the song my sister and her fiancee danced to at her wedding. Instead it was played walking into the church, at his funeral, after he took his own life."
"My poor sis was so strong that day, but that song still gets us both."
Moving Monologue
"The ending monologue of movie The Shawshank Redemption. 'I find I'm so excited I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope.'"
Emotional Ending
"The end of Homeward Bound."
"Especially when Shadow says 'Peter! You're ok!'"
"Like, they went through all of that and almost died multiple times and Shadow was just glad to know Peter was ok."
"Get's me every time."
"I Could Have Got More..." – Schindler's List
"As a grandchild of Holocaust survivors, I'm fairly desensitized to the more graphic imagery, but that is absolutely the toughest part to watch. What is the value of a human life? A ring, a watch, a meager everyday object is all that the life of a family member may be worth."
– codisinc
Effects Of Aging
"Strategically placed albums from my youth."
"If I am half drunk and someone begins to play the album 'Four Cornered Night' by Jets to Brazil, I will become uncharacteristically nostalgic, and then openly sob at the idea of how good I was at being 18 years old, vs how sh**ty I am at being 38 years old."
"Getting old is weird."
Reading about pet-owners losing their beloved furry companion is exactly the reason why I have never owned a cat or a dog.
I'm afraid of getting too emotionally attached to them to the point where I suffer a grief comparable to losing family or a close friend.
But then I think about how much I'm missing out on the rewards and constant love that comes with being a pet owner.
Maybe it's worth making a trip to the local shelter.
