Redditor Frero_s wanted to discuss all the lessons they learned from the people they dated in the beginning, so they asked:
"What did you learn from your first relationship?"
My first love taught me to watch out for love.
Next to Godliness
snow white cleaning GIFGiphy"Compatibility with household cleanliness and organization habits is far more important than you think. Relationships where one partner cares a lot more about the household than the other will result in both parties resenting each other."
EdgyGoose
Firsts
“'When someone shows you who they are, believe them, the first time.' -Maya Angelou, several years after I learned that lesson the hard way, but I could never phrase it better."
"Going hand in hand with that, you can’t fix someone else, especially someone who’s given up on themselves. You can only put that kind of energy and effort into yourself and expect to see returns. That one took me a couple or three ill-advised relationships, truthfully."
Some_Specialist_5052
The One
"You're going to get your heart broken sometimes. That my friends is life."
MrDadBod
"I prefer to think that most relationships will end, but that doesn’t make them failures. You can learn things and grow as a person in many relationships, even ones that end poorly."
"You can make mistakes by staying in them too long, ending them too soon, treating your partner badly, or allowing yourself to be treated badly, but calling them failures is such a limited perspective. Most people that find 'the one' probably would have 'failed' in that relationship if they had no prior relationships to learn from."
whomeverwiz
Not Enough
"It's not enough to love someone; the way that love is expressed matters a lot. For a great relationship, you have to love your partner in the way they need to be loved."
NoodleWeird
"And this takes practice too! Patience at the beginning of a relationship is important. Don't just assume you know each other from the inside out in the beginning, and take time to understand where each person is coming from."
ChimkenFinger
"That's the principle of the Five Love Languages. Do and say the things of the love language your partner most connects to."
LucidWebMarketing
Let it Go
let it go GIFGiphy"That some people aren’t meant for you. Don’t wait for them to be somebody they aren’t and don’t try to change them to fit what you want them to be."
Elegant-Vehicle7314
The only change we can focus on is our own.
As a couple, it's about changing together.
Otherwise move on.
Lies
Three Little Pigs Wow GIF by LaffGiphy"Sometimes the words 'I love you' don’t actually mean much when the person saying them doesn’t believe in those words anymore."
GodofWar1234
Perfect
"Well, I didn't have my first relationship until I was 30 which ended up in marriage and eventually divorce. The biggest lesson I took from it was that waiting for that 'perfect' person was a complete waste of time. I had a very difficult time dating when I was younger. I put too much pressure on each date for it to be something special."
"The marriage taught me that I could actually be desirable and gave me confidence going forward. The divorce, on the other hand, made me a much more guarded and uncaring person. Turns out the uncaring part made it easier to go on dates (less anxiety) but harder for them to mean anything later on."
Boromn
Thank you, Katie...
"Make your own decisions about what you want out of life your instead of those that line up with what she wants out of her life."
"Almost followed a girl to Portland, OR, and took a job I didn't really want because I wanted to make 'us' work. So happy she cared enough about me to end things and tell me to find my own path. A wife, a successful military career, and a bunch of kids later, I'm eternally grateful things turned out the way they did. Thank you, Katie."
thethrillamanila
Want better for YOU!
"To never chase or beg anyone to stay."
DarlinggD
"My first gf broke up with me over text right after she had left my place, walked her home even though we were both upset at each other. She refused to talk about it in person and then got mad at me for not fighting to keep her. I think I dodged a bullet because I don't think any relationship will work if one party refuses to communicate, uses breaking up to try to manipulate, or breaks up over text. All 3 in this case."
LumberWand
Under Pressure
Fuck You Season 4 GIF by FriendsGiphy"Someone can be a really good friend, doesn’t mean they’ll be a good partner. Also not to give in to pressure from your partner on things you believe in."
Rebel_0518
See your worth
"Apparently I get too attached which is odd to me cause I’m just trying to care and I suppose it comes off in a weird way. I’m not gonna stop 'cause I know someone will see my worth and appreciate every second of it when they find me."
Odd_Imagination_6617
"Please don’t ever stop caring. There are enough emotionally detached people in the world; so much so that they’ll have you feeling like you’re the oddball."
Queasy_Thought_6532
Big lessons here.
Relationships take way more than love.
Learn it young.
Redditor Tight_Anywhere6794 wanted to hear about the things parents have said in the past that haunts everyone still, so they asked:
"What insult have your parents said, that is stuck in your head as an adult?"
I've been blessed with the mother I had.
So I can't speak from experience.
But I've heard parenting horror stories.
Bad Expressions
Sad Kid GIF by 1tvGiphy“'You’re so annoying.' Said to me as a young kid while I was expressing enthusiasm over some new interest. Later my father complains I never tell him anything."
foppishyyy
Mean Spirited
"What did I do to deserve a fat kid?"
Silosolo
"My parents also mocked me for being fat, and outright physically abused me as in forcefully grabbed my fat child manboobs or slapped me while calling me fat-related names."
"A lot of people at school did it too, so obviously I have a lot of self-image issues like I never let anyone see me without clothes these days. The worst part is that I legitimately internalized a lot of hate, I could never care for myself enough to actually get fit."
FoeWithBenefits
What's My Name?
"My parents divorced when I was young and they hate each other. My mom would call me my dad's name when she was really upset. What makes it worse is that I confided in her that I never wanted to be like my dad. She used that ammunition against me."
Discarded_Pariah
"That's awful. You are your own person. You aren't your father."
blksmnr
Unfunny
"'You can't even laugh right.'"
"My mom in a weird moment I thought we were bonding. There's something inherently extra evil when someone tells you your joy is wrong. Told her I'm engaged and hoped she could at least be happy I'm happy and she ghosted everyone to the point the family thought died. She's a mess."
BlindEditor
"I'll never understand parents that are so hard on their own children that they can't even be happy for them. So their sole function is to bring misery to their offspring?"
macabre_irony
Evil
Oh My God Wow GIF by The Roku ChannelGiphy"My little brother was drowning, I tried to save him but also almost drowned, we got rescued by a neighbor. My mom told me that they should've left me in the pond. I haven't spoken to her in many years."
Ilookbetterthanyou
Good Lord. How do people like this exist?
Tragic.
HIM
"She told me I was acting just like my father when I would get upset. I would just get kinda pissy and sulk. He would go on rampages and scream and hit and throw things. He pushed her down the stairs once. I would never lay a finger on my current partner. The worst part is I look just like him. I was wondering if my mother always expected me to turn into my dad. I prove her wrong every day."
rot_grl
10 Years Old
"When I was ~10 years old, my mum once said 'If I could go back in time and make sure I never gave birth to you, I would in a heartbeat.'"
"Never forgot it. Talked to her about it a couple of times years later and her responses ranged from 'That never happened' to 'Oh yeah and I suppose I’m just the worst mother ever' and finally 'Yeah but I didn’t mean it, you know that.'"
"Messed me up tho tbh. Another one was '[older sibling] was the only child we actually planned for, the rest of you were accidents.' I don’t think it was intended as an insult, but being told your entire existence was an accident as a child kinda stung."
SpiderP*bes
Failures
“'You’re the biggest mistake I ever made.' - my mother when I was 5. I’m 32 now and it’s been the undercurrent for our relationship ever since, constantly wondering if anything I’ve achieved or struggled for is something she’s genuinely proud of or just relieved to say I wasn’t a total failure on her part."
thefaehost
Generational Issues
"Not a parent but a grandparent, I was adopted when I was 12 years old (my parents were both drug addicts so I was in and out of foster care most of my life) my adopted mother's father turned to me on Christmas Eve when no one else was around and said 'My daughter should have never adopted you, she should have let you stay on the streets where you belong'… he got nicer as he got older and sicker but I couldn’t find it in myself to forget what he said even almost 10 years later. Went to the funeral for moral support but was indifferent about his passing."
samweather227
Just Me
Sad Kids GIF by Cian DucrotGiphy"I was an only child and lonely. When I asked for a sibling, the response was 'If you want to know why we don't have more kids, go look in the mirror.'"
Responsible_Fly_3565
Some people should never have children.
Awful.
A deleted Redditor wanted to have a discussion about what we as a society need to eradicate, so they asked:
"What toxic behavior does society still make excuses for?"
Being rude to waiters, because I'm 'just demanding.'"
If you are... you're evil.
Doctor's Note
Sick Season 4 GIF by FriendsGiphy"Looks like we are quickly returning to the 'go to work even when you’re sick' way of thinking."
tickingkitty
Gimme Space
"That Family is allowed to not respect boundaries. It's something I see a lot and often trying to set healthy boundaries with them makes them treat you like the bad guy. And media and society tends to promote this behavior as love, when it's often actually dysfunction."
"There's a difference between being close and taking care of your loved ones and being expected to give up reasonable rights to personal space or to self sacrifice for them."
thrashmetaldinosaur
Not so Bad
"White collar crime. And it often appears that the more money involved in the crime and/or fraud, the less likely commensurate repercussions will be brought. The consequences of big money financial fraud are widespread and significant. It ruins many lives and often leads to the death of innocents."
NoHedgehog1650
To the Bone
Working Out Of Office GIF by This GIF Is HauntedGiphy"Overworking and lack of sleep."
sesameball
"Plus missing meals to work more."
The_Hot_Stepper
Work. Work. Work. All the way to death. Welcome back to the office kids.
Hot/Crazy
Christian Bale Oooo GIFGiphy"The 'cute but psycho'; mentality. It’s not cute to be toxic or treat people like crap because you think it’s 'cute' or acceptable because of your attractiveness."
lemonlady7
Bandwagon fallacy
"That if you agree with a majority of people, you are correct."
saltysaltedsal
"Not even the majority of people. If you can find people who share the same belief as you, it makes that belief even stronger. The internet has exasperated this problem."
"It use to be if you were into a niche taboo or out there conspiracy theory, you were pretty isolated. Now there are thousands of others who share the same thing connected from all over the world, so it’s no longer weird. In fact, it’s normal and everyone else is wrong. And they now have a thousand other people who will back them up on that!"
tie-dyed_dolphin
Calm Down
"Hustle Culture. You don’t need/have to monetise every moment of your private life to make more money - you don’t need a side gig or to start your own business or to turn your hobby into a job to be happy."
"It’s actually really scary that so many people get drawn into this way of living and don’t realise they’re literally missing the living part of their lives."
Action-a-go-go-baby
"Not to mention, turning it into a job can destroy it as a passion. I’ve talked to so many artists who, once they turned that hobby into a job, couldn’t even enjoy it anymore cause it felt like they were always working, even if they were just at home late at night doodling for fun."
Propain98
No Susan...
"Mistaking partner's possessiveness for love/caring."
SailorLuna41518181
"Sooo true many girls of my age think that he is possessive of me because he cares about me. No Susan he isn't possessive because he loves you he is possessive because he sees you as an object solely accessible/unique to him."
No-Possible4124
Misdemeanors
Check This Out Saturday Night Live GIFGiphy"Filming someone making a mistake (not crimes) and posting them on the Internet, without censoring their names and/or faces, for them to be judged and humiliated."
NoUsername817226
Snoops
"This weird culture where couples go behind each others backs and snoop through their phones is really weird to me. Especially when they get mad for not finding anything. Or when asked to see their phone they get defensive. Its very childish imo, especially when it's 30+ year olds doing it."
woahts
Production Abuse
"How corporate America looks down on pregnant workers and having kids. All they see is decreased productivity instead of treating new parents or parents-to-be as humans. I know we’ve gotten better, but it’s still bad out there for a lot of people."
ryoon21
As usual, society falls backwards.
Redditor DynastyLoops asked:
"What is the most f**ked up thing your parents said or did to you?"
When I was a waiter, the things I heard parents say... like, where is CPS?!
Broken Trust
Look Around Ok GIF by BounceGiphy"I haven't trusted you since the day you were born.' Not even sure what I did as an infant to lose her trust."
chesterlola2014
"I mean frankly small children aren’t very trustworthy in general but other than that yeah jeez."
Airsofter599
Not Much
"When you graduate high school, you’re either going to start paying rent or move out. I was working at freaking McDonald’s at the time so I’d be essentially homeless. I joined the navy the next day."
DakotaLazlo
No Harmony
"When I was 12 my dad took me to New Harmony State park to go fishing. He got drunk and passed out on a picnic table. After 5-6 hours he came to but was still trashed and he forced me to drive home. 1st ever driving experience. When I managed to help him into the car he passed out again within a few minutes. About 20 miles or so into the trip home we woke up. He looked over at me and kinda growled 'you little mother f*****' then he just started hitting me."
"He started crying as he was hitting me which made it even worse. I was scared to death. 12 years old driving down a highway, getting beaten while driving, and really hurting to see my dad in that condition. Idk if it’s the most messed up thing him or mom did but it definitely made the top ten list."
ProstheticNipples84
Unsettled
"My dad looked me in the eyes, said he settled for my mom, and that he would rather get drunk than be my father."
"My mom I'm conflicted on which it is, it would either be the time she hit me so much and so hard with a wooden spoon it broke, or the time I was excited about a book and tried to tell her and she said 'you're saying this like you actually think I care.'"
cloudysasquatch
For You
"My parents were not abusive or alcoholics by any measure. They were as caring as anyone could be. But the thing that f**ked me up was that they looked at us to pick sides between their arguments. And say stuff like 'we are together only for you etc.'"
"'Dude, we didn't tell you to marry each other. How is it my responsibility to maintain peace between you?' Ironically, my brother and I live in foreign countries and my parents have to take care of each other."
lawaythrow
This is too depressing.
How are people like this?
Brutal
"When I was 12, my father got really drunk, and told me that I was born to save his marriage, and that I was a failure for not doing so."
DamonSing
A Bad Spiral
"I was living with my parents at 16 years old and my older siblings were away at college/out of the country. My dad told my mom he was leaving her, and my mom went into a downward spiral of depression. My dad left the house leaving me with a very depressed mother to look after."
"I remember she locked herself in her room for 3 days, I begged her to open the door. I went in and fed her. My dad would come back occasionally to the house to get something for his new place. They told me to not tell a soul about their marriage falling apart, not even my siblings."
"One day I got home from school to an empty house. The police came saying they had a call from a counsellor saying that my mom is in danger and may hurt herself. I completely broke down. Luckily she didn't do that but she got checked into the hospital for a while. My dad stopped by that night and I told him about it, he kind of just shrugged."
"I was completely alone. It was a horrible time. We are all okay now though, thankfully."
Stunning_Attention82
Whoops...
"My mom lit something on fire and threw it on my shoulder. I still have a faint scar on my shoulder. She claims she didn't do it on purpose but didn't have any remorse. I was either 6 or 7 at the time."
Brave_Witness6834
"The Narcissist's Prayer. That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it."
Peircedprince
His Loss
"Parents are divorced. When I was 14 my dad told me he really only wanted one child. I'm the youngest of 3. It’s been 10 years since I’ve spoken to my dad. He’s a narcissist. Long story short, my dad never forgave any of us for basically forgiving our mom in the divorce, which we were all children at the time."
"It’s taken me a long time to deal with it all but my mom remarried 25 years ago and I feel very fortunate that my step-dad is the person I consider my dad. I got lucky. I used to feel sad for my dad but it really is his loss."
litt3lli0n
I Wanna Stay
"At 16 my mother took me out of school, made me get my GED so I would not be better than she was. They had to put the school on lockdown, because I was no longer a student and a threat to the school. All because I kept trying to fight it and trying to stay in school. My teacher walked me out and cried with me."
"I was a threat to the school Because I technically wasn’t a student anymore and I was still on school property. I thought if I kept going I could fight it so she couldn’t make me quit... but nope. She was my mother, I was a minor.. I lost. So I took my GED test, passed with A’s but in the late 90’s a GED was looked down on."
CinnamonMajesty
Gas Station Hero
My Hero Reaction GIF by MaytagGiphy"My dad kidnapped me and my brother and sister when we were little but my sister told a gas station employee and they locked us up and called my mom who was one state over and my dad had to drive to California without us."
olivetroubl3
Well I have never been more grateful for my mother. I will tell her.
Do you have any similar parental stories? Let us know in the comments below.
