I can't even remember my last date. And I don't want to.
The First
Season 9 Wow GIF by Curb Your EnthusiasmGiphy"She had her luggage with her, and expected to move in with me (1st date)."
kavijak
16
"Went on a group date when I was like 16. There were 2 established couples and I was seeing a guy for the first time. We went to a bowling alley my date's friend worked at. The entire time this guy was trying really hard to show off and in general being a massive tool. I was sitting with my friends on the outer right seat in the row. Date's friend was standing about 3 feet to my right."
"My date went to toss the bowling ball to his friend because he was sooo cool and strong. He missed so hard that the bowling ball hit my left shoulder and my friend's right shoulder (we were sorta leaning into each other to talk), then fell on another friend's foot. He got 3 of us in one throw. He awkwardly apologized and then said he needed to use the restroom. Didn't see him again and went home with my friends lol."
Puzzleheaded_Storm79
Baffling!!!
"On the only date, he pointed to another woman at the bar and said that was his ex. This woman happened to be my lesbian roommate who was there with her girlfriend. So I called BS. It’s still hilarious how bad his luck was. Why would I be interested in someone intentionally trying to make me jealous by lying? Baffling!"
Grapegoop
Blacked Out
"I was meeting a girl at a bar by her school, which was an hour away. We planned on bar hopping all night and I would spend the night at her house. When I got there, she was already black out drunk and her friends just left her with me. Wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt."
"Maybe she was just nervous and would sober up a bit. But no, she was belligerent the entire night and almost got in several girl fights for bumping into everyone as she walked around. when I came back from the bathroom she was being passed around a group of dudes as she grinded every one of them."
At this point idk what to do. I wanna just bail, but she's blacked out with a dead phone. So I hung out on my own, made some new friends, waiting for her to party herself out. She did, I walked her home and she started to ball her eyes out when she realized I wasn't spending the night. I've never felt more awkward or embarrassed in my life."
SprinklesMore8471
Check Please...
Check Please Premiere GIF by Jersey Shore Family VacationGiphy"A guy took me out to dinner and excused himself to use the bathroom. Was gone for about 10 minutes. Found out the next day that he was actually in the parking lot having a quickie with the waitress, who knew a friend of mine."
Gardengoddess83
What in the world? I mean. And we still have more stories. Lord.
“ok I guess”
Happy Spring Break GIF by HBOGiphy"I had a very persistent neighbor who I finally agreed to go out with."
"I got to the restaurant and he had already ordered me a drink. He asked to order my food for me and I was like 'ok I guess.' He made comment after comment about my 'smoking hot' pale complexion. Asked me if my ex was circumcised. Told me that women who think they are equal to men are out of touch with reality."
"Wouldn’t let me pay half, so I asked to tip, but he told me the $20 I was going to leave was too much. I went to the bathroom and came back to a glass of wine that I’d already told him not to order. He texted me 15 minutes after the date saying 'with a woman of your complexion a man must be careful not to leave a hickey.'"
rapbattlechamp
not your babysitter...
"He told me we were going on a 7 mile out and back hike to go fly fishing. Turns out it was 7 miles of steep uphill to get there, we only fished for a few hours because we got rained out, when I asked for help he told me 'I’m not your babysitter' and farted the entire day because he ate a bean burrito on the drive over that morning."
"He also spoke to people we passed on the trail more than he spoke to me. The 7 mile hike back back downhill gave us both a ton of knee pain, and it was horrible. Worst part? It was the second date, because the first date was magical."
turtledovefarts
for practice...
"Not the worst date because there have been of course some that were legitimately scary but the most awkward at least. He spoke several languages and when I said I spoke a bit of one of them, he insisted that I needed to practice and kept speaking in that language even after I repeatedly and increasingly stronger terms said okay that was fun but let's go back to English now, we're in a loud crowded place and this is above my skill level."
"He kept agreeing and switching back but then switching to the other language again 'so I could get the practice.' He kept correcting my vocabulary too. And by the way this man started out by saying he was fluent in English but only advanced in this language, so it wasn't as though it was actually easier for him to speak it. I would have been happy to struggle through if that was our best language overlap."
deqb
THE. WHOLE. TIME.
"I'm sure other girls have scary dates that are much worse but here's my non-scary awful date... I told the guy on the site we met on that I was nervous when it came to dating so not to show up in a suit or anything. He showed up in a stained t-shirt and sweatpants with holes in them. It was a weird choice for 'casual' but he seemed interesting online so I stuck it out."
"I kid you not, he didn't stop talking about himself THE. WHOLE. TIME. I asked him a total of 3 questions and he asked none. He sounded like a preacher on a pulpit sharing his life story. Most uncomfortable, longest, date of my life. Needless to say there was no second date."
green_hobblin
I picked him up...
"First (and only) date. He shows up in smelly sweatpants and a stained shirt. I picked him up. We got to the movie theater and he had no money so I had to pay. Spent half the movie insulting me and the other half trying to grope me. All of that wasn’t the worst part though. The worst part is that I had mentioned my workplace in passing during the date and then he showed up there three times to try to see me again."
BananaOnionSoup
Running Off
"I picked out a restaurant that I had never been to because I thought I was being courteous or something picking a place closer to where she lived. It was almost totally empty aside from us, and the food was bad. Also, a few minutes into the date, I started to feel the rumbles and it could not wait. So I kept leaving her pretty much alone in this restaurant to rush to the bathroom."
"She probably thought I was running off to text my friends about what to do or something but it was just a very poorly timed case of diarrhea. Anyway, moral of the story is don't pick a restaurant you've never been to for a first date. Also don't eat Indian food for lunch when you have a dinner date."
ElToberino
We Did It!
married single ladies GIFGiphy"I have really bad social anxiety. A guy asked me out for lunch and in my mind, no one could want to date me, so I brought my bestie along to help keep up conversation. When we arrived he looked shocked, maybe even mortified, that’s when I realized it was (supposed) to be a date. Anyways now him and I are engaged and just put our deposit down for our venue!"
NakedMoleBrat
Where were you?
"When I made reservations and she agreed to meet me there. She never showed up and I ended up spending the evening talking with the waiter who made sure my wine glass stayed full. Made the best of an awkward situation."
AuzeroForemenius
Paid for by...
"It was actually a great date at first, bought me flowers, food, took me to the movies, even bought the expensive theater food which I insisted we didn't need because I felt bad about him spending money. I had an amazing time. About a year later I found out my parents had told him to take me out and payed for everything because they knew I deserved it. My bf at the time had tons of daddy's money and we were a broke family so it really made me upset."
MassiveFinish857
Go Home
"It never progressed to a date, but my college friend wanted to set me up with her boyfriend’s roommate. He walked into my dorm room, saw my Irish flag (hung to separate my bed from my roommate’s so I didn’t have to see her banging randos, just hear it) and asked if I was Irish. Uh, what would have given you that clue? 'Because my penis is Dublin.' Oh."
jmbf8507
That's Not You!
"Arranged meet up in the park with a girl on a dating app. Go, literally sit across from her on a park bench texting her that I don't see her. She had put on like 200 lbs from when her profile pictures were taken. Try to play it cool, okay we will just go for a walk. She immediately starts rubbing against me and trying to kiss. I noped out of there and got yelled at for fat shaming while I made my exit."
jaydoubleuw
Get Funky
Dance Dancing GIF by Shay MitchellGiphy"She got up and danced with another guy in the middle of our date. Then had the band announce they just got engaged. Later, he left on a bus and she asked me for a ride home because her fiancé doesn't own a car."
BewareofStobor
Too Soon!
"Had a girl confess that she loved me on the second date. She bought me a cookie cake with our names on it and say happy 2 weeks with hearts on it. The whole time she thinks people are hitting on her but all they’re doing is being nice. Then she fell asleep throughout the movie."
OkraFit3987
Single is looking so much better. Dating makes me want to sob.
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Obsessive
Giphy"A girl I dated was really obsessive over her ex, but not like wanting to get back with him, no no no, good sir!"
"She just wanted to make sure he didn't date anyone, and would force everyone around her to help towards that. Including me. I found out from her ex (who was actually a really nice guy) that on the first date we went on, she chose a specific restaurant because she knew he had a date there, and she wanted to ruin it."
TMI Too Soon
"Had a date who mentioned the fact that she only had sex one time, but she got pregnant and then had an abortion three months later. I met her all of ten minutes prior to her telling me this. Quickest I've ever got the hell out of a restaurant."
Dinner Was Lovely
"I went on a first date with a young woman. Toward the end we were finishing our meal. Waiter came over and date said, pointing to me. "Dinner was lovely. He'll take the check now."
Not A Groupie
"She was a fan of a well known singer. Ok."
"She was member of a fan club. Well, why not."
"She spent her life travelling through Europe attending each and every concert whenever possible. Uuuuhhh."
"And she spent the whole evening telling me everything about this singer I never wanted to know. At least she "never was a groupie."
"Anyway. Two hours later I had a couple of beers with good friends and whenever I hear this singer on radio, I have to turn it off."
Like Mexican Food, But...
"We went to get Mexican. I asked why she was so rude to the waitstaff, she said she liked Mexican food but "hated illegals." I was supremely uncomfortable."
Daisy Said No
"I have a small white fluffy dog. Back when I was dating, I would bring the dog along for the first date - great ice breaker, hit with the ladies etc etc. Daisy (the dog) loves people and tagging along wherever I go, so everyone was happy!"
"ANYWAY, on one particular occasion we arrived at the pub to meet my date, and rather than the usual wagging tail greeting, Daisy started growling at her, and did not stop until we left, by which time I was convinced my date was a serial killer, and Daisy just saved my life."
"So if a dog doesn't like them.... BIG red flag."
Spit, A Suitcase and Another Man's Child
Giphy"Your well meaning coworker sets you up on a blind date with her fun friend. You agree to meet at a bar, but then her friend asks you to pick her up because she lost her license"
"You get to her apartment and she is arguing with a man out front. She flips him the bird before spitting in his face then gets into your car. It is at this crucial point you notice she brought a suitcase full of her things."
"After you finish the drink you ordered with your meal she finishes her fifth one. The entire time you haven't said more than a few words. Not because your being indifferent, but because she always interrupts with anecdotes about her abusive childhood."
"The bill comes, she slides it over to you. She informs you that she doesn't have any money and assumed you had intended to pay for the entire date."
"On the way to the car she informs you that she wants to have unprotected sex. Don't worry though. She tells you that you cannot impregnate her. She is already carrying another man's child."
"While taking her home she begins gesturing to her suitcase while asking to live with you a few weeks. She is broke and destitute till she begins her new job as a stripper on Monday. The man she was arguing with was letting her stay with him till she saved up enough money for her own place."
"Unfortunately that man had kicked her out since she was bringing other men over to his apartment. In her opinion it was unfair. After all, she never agreed to only be sleeping with him exclusively."
"Unfortunately you live in the same apartment complex. Only a couple buildings around the corner. Far enough from where you park but not so far that she doesn't follow you all the way to your front door."
"She assaults you while trying to force her way into the apartment. You panic, but then hear your cellphone ring."
"It's a telemarketer telling you about your vehicles expiring extended warranty. You pretend it's work, push your way outside, lock the door and hope she forgets the number scrolling across it."
"She follows you to your car, asking when you will come back home. You leave her standing in the rear view mirror while you speed off into the night."
"You then spend a few hours sitting in the mall parking-lot; waiting for a chance to sneak back home. While on your third cigarette to deal with the second anxiety attack; even though you previously quit smoking for over one year, you come to a grand realization:"
"Your coworker is kind of a b*tch."
Never Felt So Happy To Drive Away
"I went to meet a woman from an online dating site and at the last minute she texted to ask if I could swing by her house which was only a few blocks away from the Starbucks we were supposed to meet at. That should have been a tip off in retrospect but we'd chatted a lot online so I felt comfortable enough. Maybe she just needed a lift or something.
Instead, I come up to her house and when she opens the door, she is wearing an ankle bracelet."
"She begs me to please understand how she didn't want to mention it on the dating site and to please hear her out. I was naturally uncomfortable by this point but also curious so I sat down for a few minutes in her living room. She told me of this domestic dispute she had with her ex that had turned violent and now she was on 30 days house arrest. A very overweight teenage girl came into the room at this point, and the woman said "oh yea I also forget to mention I come with this."
"Now I just wanted to get the hell out of there."
"I started making excuses to leave but she kept trying to get me to stay. "Please, just one date after I am done with house arrest. The things I could learn from a man of your smarts.." I said nothing besides "I really have to go, will think about it" I just walked out the door and she followed, explaining that the bracelet had a range of several feet outside."
"I got in the car without a word and just drove. I never felt so happy to drive away from a place in my life."
"That poor kid. Her mom's on house arrest for a domestic dispute, kid was likely either a witness to it and knows her custodial parent is violent, then to top it off mom invites a strange dude over, and then refers to the gal as "this"? Not even a name, just "this" like a teenager is an ugly lamp or a pile of student debt. WTF."
Live Stream
"I was on a date where she couldn't take her eyes off her phone."
"Her: "I'm live streaming our date. My ex is watching."
"Me: "Excuse me."
"I got up, paid my half of the bill with the waitress and left. Funny thing is...a few months later, I was in a Supermarket and I saw someone facing me at a dead standstill out of the corner of my eye."
"I turn to look and it's her of course, giving me the finger. I just started laughing my ass off, which made her laugh too. I said, "Have a good night." That was it."
Whipped Cream
"This takes me back to the early 20s version of me and a fine lass named Rebecca. We met at a New Years party, she tall and artsy with some feather arrangement in her hair I complimented. Oooohhh midnight and a proper kiss on the cheek with the promise of a first date to start 1991."
"Picked her up for said date a few days later and same hair treatment. She tells me she's obsessed with birds and always wears a feather somewhere. Uh, ok, no problem, she's still cute in full light and this just makes her quirky, right?"
"I was just a few yrs older and we went to a really nice Italian place near DC. She remarks how nice to be out with a "grownup" as she's finishing college and has been dating "boys". Nice! Dinner's great until dessert. The whipped cream on mine reminds her of her last boyfriend. She then tells me in great detail how she stalked him, hiding in bushes near his house to spy, f-ing with his tires and covering his entire car in whipped cream and eggs. "Isn't that just the funniest?!?"
"Check. Please."
- drm38r
Army Wife
Giphy"My brother was in the army when he was set up on a blind date by a friend's girlfriend. Apparently during the first ten minutes of dinner she was talking about how she would be such a great and loyal army wife, and how she thought army wives were so brave and admirable and how she would never leave him if he was injured. He had literally just met this girl."
"He stuck it out through dinner, faked sick and left. She pursued him pretty hard after, but he lied and told her he decided he wasn't really over his ex and wasn't ready for a relationship. He said about a month later she tried to text him with a booty call, and said she even tried to "sweeten the deal" by saying he didn't need to wear protection because she was on birth control. Like how many red flags can one girl have?!"
- nickknox
The Mean Girls Test
"Oh boy here we go..."
"Long story short, I went on a date with a chick and we were vibing really well before she turned ice cold and began acting super rude."
"At that point I just wasn't enjoying it so I made up some excuse about having some stuff to do and left."
"Few hours later she texts me she was disappointed that I 'gave up' so easy and she was testing how much I liked her."
"Needless to say I didn't ask her on a second date. I'd rather be single/celibate than have a relationship/sex with the entire cast of Mean Girls crammed into a single person with a maturity of a high school freshman."
Steak, Fries, And A Glass Of Champagne
"Had dinner with a blind date. Only saw her eyes maybe for 3 minutes before she was glued to her Instagram and Snapchat. Giggling to herself and replying to her followers. Tried to have a decent convo, but she was like "uh huh, that's cool" waitress comes, she doesn't even bother looking at the menu, "steak, fries, and a glass of champagne" then out of the blue."
"How much money do you make?"
"I got up, told her the date was done and left her at the restaurant. She was so glued to her phone, she just nodded. She blows up my phone a few minutes later raging that I was supposed to buy her her dinner and exclaimed she had NO money or ride to get back to her mans place."
"So yeah, she was phishing for free food and drinks."
MLK Day
"She was talking about how she went camping for a long weekend, being that she had MLK day off, but with the side note, "Ugh, I f***ing hate Martin Luther King" and then she fully admitted to not caring much for "the blacks."
- nubosis
When Mom Sets You Up
"There was this woman 20 years ago that I met because my mom knew her mom and both thought that's a nice idea that their only offsprings could become friends. That's what the premise was "Go and become friends!" Never met her before, she knew nothing about me so... yeah, why not."
"Met her at a restaurant, waiter ushered us to our table, we sat and even before the waiter was able to hand out the menus she said "I look for a man to have children with because I want children now."
"The waiter had that "bro... I'm so sorry" smile on his face when he gave me the menu."
"This ... "entree" was followed by a monologue of a list of guys who all failed in her eyes, because there were either from a bad family, somehow idiots, not able to have kids or had some other background she disliked and that she now has "high hopes" for me because her mom knows my mom and they told her that I am a nice and decent man."
"To make one thing clear: she was WAY out of my league. She was fit as hell and just beautiful with long black hair and blue eyes while I (still) look like Shrek. We both were on the same level of intelligence, but I never studied and worked in public service while she was becoming a pharmacist. She said on the first date that she wants kids asap."
"Now imagine sitting there in your mid 20s, with a goddess in front of you both intellectual and body wise, that talks for 2 hours just about herself and that she wants to marry asap and also wants kids."
"She offered me to drive home to her place but also insisted on telling me that we won't have sex as long as I'm not willing to marry her. So she drove me to my home, we talked about her studies and then she became furious because a woman I know saw me in the car while standing on the crossing and smiled at me. "Why is this woman smiling at you? Do you know her? Do you know many women?"
"When we arrived at my place I jumped out of the car, thanked her for bringing me home and almost ran to my door. She tried to contact me for the next 2 weeks but I kinda managed to be "not around". Learned later, she married a guy, had twins and then divorced him."
- uk_uk
Weird Food Combos
"I went on a date with a girl who ordered a steak and a cheese cake and then proceeded to eat them at the same time, like in the same bite. Look I get weird food combinations, but if you're going to make that combination on the first date there's a strong chance you have some body's under your floorboards."
Firestarter
"This happened many years ago and requires a bit of backstory. I was at a house party where I blacked out and woke up naked in an unfamiliar room next to a girl I'd never met before. The friend I came with woke up shortly after I did and told me what happened."
"The girl he'd been trying to go home with at the party with came with her friend and was unwilling to leave without her. Her friend liked me. He found me later in the evening in a stupor, hoisted me over his shoulder, and loaded me into the back of his SUV. Evidently I was what made the deal go down."
"The girls got up after a while, and we talked for a bit. I was unsettled about sleeping with a woman and not remembering any of it, so I asked her to go out that evening for a date to get to know her to which she said yes."
"Fast forward to around six that evening. I'm eating supper and she shows up at my house early. I let her in and say "I'll be done eating shortly and we'll head out. Make yourself comfortable in the living room in the meantime."
"A few minutes later I came back into my living room and she'd made a small fire in a large ashtray with paper from my coffee table magazines. I stood there just staring at her dumbstruck while she kept stoking her little fire, not even noticing I'd entered the room. I asked her what the hell she thought she was doing, and she simply said she was bored."
"I put it out, then said, "I have tv with cable you're welcome to watch. Do not start fires in my home. I'll be ready in five minutes. If you feel the need to start another fire go outside and do it in the street."
"I like to think of myself as a pretty easy going guy and thought the situation was over with. She stopped burning things and I went into my bedroom to quickly change clothes to leave for our date. My phone rings about halfway through doing so and it's my neighbor from two doors down. He wearily asks me how everything's going over there, to which I said "OK, why?"
"He then informed me that in the middle of the street in front of my house there's a woman that's started a fire. After talking a bit we hatched a plan. I went outside like the date was still on and nothing was wrong. My buddy came over with an 'emergency' that required my assistance. She went home and was avoided ever after."
Not Accepting It
"I picked up an attractive girl for a first date years ago. We started with the small talk, but as we got a few blocks from her house she said something like "I'm feeling like kind of a b!tch tonight, so if I act like it you're just gonna have to accept it".
"I didn't say a thing but spun the car around and headed back toward her house. She didn't say a thing but as I turned back onto her block she says loudly "What are you doing?"
"I said (really nicely) "Oh... you said you weren't feeling well." Then I pulled up to her house and didn't even look in her direction, just kept the motor running. So she opens the door and gets out. As I drove away I heard her yell "F*ck you!" Very satisfying."
The Ex
"She talked about her ex the whole time during a movie. Then after the movie she took me to meet her family, and then I got to meet her ex - who was working at a gas station."
"I thought she just needed to get gas, nope just wanted me to meet her ex and fight him."
"He was a cool guy and called me a cab to get back to mechanics so I could get my car and go home. Thank God picked me up from the mechanics and never saw what car I drove."
Hide And Seek
Giphy"This is about a girl I was really into, she was into a lot of the same stuff I was. I invited her and a couple friends out to a hibachi restaurant down the road from our uni. She started texting me in the middle of our meal about how she wanted to kill herself. That she was going to kill her ex (who was also there) and another girl who was "stealing" her spot as best girl. What does that even mean?"
"I told her to just breathe and think about something else. We get back to my car and we have to stop at the Walmart just down the road."
"We get into the store and I'm having fun with my friends and I turn around and she's just gone. This sends everyone into panic mode. They can all tell something is wrong, even though they hadn't a clue that she had just texted me she wanted to kill herself. Not to mention several other people."
"We look all over the store and I eventually find her, only for her to run off again. She said she was playing hide and seek."
"When I find her again, she's in the jewelry area and threatened to kill herself if I didn't buy her a necklace as well as several other things. Cue me spending over 300 dollars on her that night as well as the money on food."
"I went through all of that only to find out two weeks later that she was seeing a guy who lived in a halfway house. A guy she started seeing while she was simultaneously using me and abusing me if we're being honest."
It's amazing anyone finds a partner given some of these stories?
Do you have a dating horror story to share? Let us know in the comments below.