But let's get into some hidden warning signs.
Redditor sneakyturtles7 wanted to hear about all the info that is left out of the "How to Parent" guidebook, by asking:
"What is something nobody warns people about enough when it comes to having kids?"
I've always wondering about having kids.
I waver, but then I go out to eat and I see the calamity of parents eating out with kids, and I smile and walk away.
Invincible
"If you felt invincible at some point in your life, you will never feel that way again."
"The mere thought of them being harmed in any way can completely destroy you." ~ ilovelasko
GiphyMental Fitness
"Make sure your mental health is up to par when they become teenagers. I swear my youngest was going to drive me insane with all the worry she put me through with her mental health after her first boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend, after a year of dating. Lots of hugs and cuddles all times of the day due to crying."
"My daughter actually started cutting so I had to make sure to always check her entire body for cut marks and search her entire room for anything sharp. I ended up finding a very small pediatric mental health facility they ran out of a farm house setting. Only around 10 kids at a time there. She went 3 times in 3 years. They taught her coping skills to help when she felt down. It helped tremendously." ~ Daddys__Babygirl
Make a Person
"There's a very good chance they won't turn out like you think." ~ weirdkid71
"People seem to often forget that they're raising people- as in, independent-thinking individuals whose actions, values, personalities, interests, and capabilities will potentially be completely unlike yours. I've seen a lot of parents struggle hard with that, and frankly, that's a possibility you should have made your peace with before you became a parent, imo." ~ MyMorningSun
"a blight on humanity"
"You have to parent the kid you have. The books are fine for ideas, your experience, friends thoughts, paediatricians, therapists. But at the end of it all you have this complicated little person you're in charge of with their own preferences, feelings, insecurities, abilities, and you have to do what works for them and your family and, of course, also raise someone who isn't a blight on humanity or menace to society." ~ Lilac77777
There really needs to be some parenting training.
Why is that not a class instead of PE?
Like real life training.
Forever
"Parenthood does not end when they turn 18... it's for the rest of your life." ~ womanitou
GiphyNever Silent
"I call it 'active listening' it is really draining. When there is only another adult in the house you don't pay much attention to the everyday noises. With kids you are always listening, are they crying, are they fighting, are they too quiet, what just got opened etc etc. Gets better as they get older but nothing can prepare you for it." ~ chuppiecabra
To be alone...
"For me, I stopped having a chance to think anything through without interruption. I had a very hard time with that. I couldn't remember anything, couldn't make decisions, etc because every thought seemed to get interrupted. I'd just sit in my car alone sometimes so I could think." ~ ElsieDCow
Decisions. Decisions.
"It is one of the two or three most absolute and permanent decisions you can make in life. Once you have kids, you have kids. No going back, no choosing differently, no letting time pass to heal any wounds. Not saying this is good or bad. It's just a permanent decision (if you don't take giving them up for adoption into account)." ~ Soyuz_Pilot
No Life
"When they grow older, you don't have a private life anymore. They stay awake longer than you." ~ theofiel
"Whenever we're trying do do something sneaky, my wife and I always say that having kids is like having parents." ~ The-Horrible-M
GiphyI'm so glad I stayed a dog daddy.
Pets are stressful enough.
Kids are a big no thank you to me. Good luck to you all.
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I can't tell you how many times I ignored red flags.
LOL (NOT)
Threaten You Want Some Of This GIF by BounceGiphy"The jabs they claim are just jokes." ~ FreeMindRestFollows
I cut him off...
"Keeping the relationship a secret. Actually hiding it from his/her friend to the point no knows. Not private... secret." ~ Verdigris000
"I had a guy do that. We went to high school together. He knew my family, I knew his. A few years after graduation we reconnected. He wanted to keep it a secret. Why? You are not married, I am not married. He wanted to have sex with me, but he didn't want to define our relationship. I cut him off. I am not a booty call." ~ Bris50
Maybe she's perfectly happy?
"Cutting you off from your friends, and not permitting you to socialize without them. Recently lost one of my besties to a new beau who won't let her out of his sight. We'll catch up when it all goes south." ~ Stormallthetime
"This happened to a friend of mine at University. She was 18, was part of my friend group, and literally lived in our room. Anyway, there were some older uni students who ran the hostel we stayed in and the guy who lived in our block would hang out with us quite a bit."
"It turns out he was only hanging out with us because he was interested in her. They ended up going on a few dates, which we thought was 'cute' because he seemed like a nice and funny guy, but then we never really saw her after that. The last thing I remember her telling me is that, he had written a list of 20 rules for their relationship, one of which stated that they must spend at least 2 hours of quality time together everyday."
"Apparently they are still together, but I still feel like we lost a good friend and that he robbed her of just living a full life. He was in his mid 20s and was also her first proper bf… Maybe she's perfectly happy? But if I had a bf for a few weeks that wrote rules for our relationship, it would definitely not be a relationship!" ~ Wooowaaat
Liar
"My ex called herself a pathological liar and told me she would never lie to me, and cried to me multiple times over the phone begging me not to leave when i told her to chill out and I'm not going anywhere. 'I was a bit naive since she had never really hurt me at that point."' ~ KimJongUf_
The Boss
Not Funny No GIFGiphy"When one person always determines when time can be spent together. If it feels like you're always the one compromising to find time together walk away it's not going to go well." ~ AudienceNervous1665
There is a difference between suggestion and control. Learn it. Fast.
Trivial
Go Away GIF by BounceGiphy"Dismissing your feelings as trivial. A person who actually cares about you would consider your feelings about things as well, or at least attempt to understand." ~ Affectionate-Feed538
"forgetting"
"Always having strange reasons to not want to see you, "forgetting" your plans, being defensive or bit of a stand-off."
"Edit: I've seen a few people suggest and tell stories about memory issues or responsibilities that demanded full-time attention, and I just wanted to clarify that the case with my ex doesn't relate to any of these. My ex simply didn't have respect for my time or feelings and was just using me for sex when she was bored." ~ Cyanide_Revolver
Suggestions...
"When everything revolves around what they want to do. Their job, their social life, hobbies, where they want to live, go out to, go on holiday to, until you get to the point where you don't even know what you want to do anymore. It starts small, but builds quickly and you might not realise until it's too late."
"When you make suggestions or organise things it's usually met with negative comments, or the other person acting like a spoilt brat because it's not good enough, never good enough, so you just don't bother anymore." ~ MadamTheadoramoon
Besties
"Trying to take over your best friend (visiting them without you, confiding in them, telling them one sided stuff about your relationship). They are making sure you don't have a support system." ~ trs58
"My ex did this with my mother. Texted and messaged her, suddenly had the same hobbies as her so they hung out sometimes. I told him I didn't like it and he made it seem like she was the one saying hello all the time and inviting him to go fishing or whatever."
"It's hardly noticeable on its own but it is one of the things I can now identify as unsettling when I look back and see it in the context of everything that was going on. Like I swear he was trying to get me pregnant while I was between jobs and to get me to move to his hometown where I knew no one." ~ gagrushenka
Common Themes
Tell Me More Jeff Goldblum GIF by National Geographic ChannelGiphy"If they keep complaining about multiple exes. In those situations, they are the common factor." ~ TheVantal
Walking away can be difficult. But it can also be the smartest thing you ever do.
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Sure, IKEA assembling instructions will undoubtedly be referenced—albeit with lots of hair-pulling–but there is certain literature attached to the merchandise that is conveniently forgotten.
The neglected piece of information is the warning label, and contrary to much public denial, they're there for a reason.
What is it about them that makes us conveniently gloss over the fine print, even if the word 'WARNING' is in bold and all caps? Do we, as educated consumers, think our common sense is sufficient?
Curious to explore this notion, Redditor rynoman12 asked:
"What is the 'WARNING: DO NOT...' label that is ignored the most?"
The following warned against specific body contacts.
See What I Mean?
"Glitter eyeshadow usually has a 'Warning: Do not use in the immediate eye area' and can cause damage to your corneas (even send you to the ER if you can't get it out) if even a particle gets in your eye."
Hear Me Out
"Do not insert inside the ear canal."
"Okay but why does my ear have a gspot then?"
– Cannanda
Screw Labels
"In my case would be like 'warning, do not wash/Gentle cycle/Hand wash...' and other shirts labels because I hate the feeling of that square thingy on my neck and first thing I do when I buy a shirt is ripping it off."
– V02D
Careful the things you ingest.
Toxic Chemicals
"WARNING: This product can expose you to chemicals, which are known to the State of California to cause cancer, are known to the State of California to cause birth defects or other reproductive harm."
Harmful Sip
"My sis came back to Scotland from San Fransisco a few years back with a tourist-tat coffee mug for me. Bloody thing said on the bottom that there was a chance I'd get cancer if I drank from it.
That's Just Nuts
"The warning on a 100% pure peanuts bag that it MAY contains peanuts."
"Lucky i always get a peanuts bag with peanuts."
Bad Combo
"Don't drink alcohol with medication."
"I swear everyone I know seems to just ignore that one or just not read the warnings or interactions with their medication in general."
These are warnings specifically aimed towards the safety of children.
Questionable Caveat
"That stupid warning on nerf guns that tells you not to shoot them at people."
"Uh, okay, sure."
"I think it says 'Do not shoot directly at the face', probably because if it hits an eye, the damage may be serious."
– ACA2000
Half-Baked Warning
"Eat raw cookie dough. Better to die hunched over the toilet from salmonella poisoning than live on my knees."
Gotta Bounce Solo
"The warning on every trampoline ever that says to only allow one person on the trampoline at a time."
"Part of my job is actually to write these types of warnings and precautions (I'm a technical writer - I don't decide what the warnings are, lawyers do that, but once they know what warnings they want, I work with them to make sure it's worded clearly and concisely)."
"Anyway, my company used to do trampolines, and my boss remarked on how he has never known anyone to follow that precaution, and that in fact, if you were ever to see a kid jumping by themselves on a trampoline, you'd probably think, 'Oh how sad - that poor child has no friends!'"
You would think most of us have common sense, and that the warning label is on a product just in case.
But that concept was lost on these consumers.
Remember the woman who used Gorilla glue as a hairspray replacement? We all know how that worked out: a trip to a plastic surgeon.
Well, a Louisiana man thought that woman who suffered the consequences of applying the strong adhesive on her scalp was lying.
So he tried it on himself by using Gorilla glue to attach a plastic cup to his lip.
Sigh.
A person's charm can be deceiving since we're all trying to make a good first impression on one another.
But sometimes, the intense adoration you have for someone can prevent you from seeing who they really are. Hopefully, the person you commit to is not the kind of person who manipulates and abuses you.
Curious to hear about the clues indicating someone may not be who you think they are, Redditor HotfoxK asked:
"What are early signs of an abusive partner?"
Conversation is key to successful relationships. But these kinds of conversations are not the ones you should be having with someone you want to settle down with.
Gaslighting
"Somehow, everything is always your fault and never theirs, and they'll beat you so much with their version of the truth, you start to believe it. They will belittle your argument or dismiss it."
Refusing To Take Responsibility
"Look what you made me do."
– gor8884
"Oof this brought back bad memories. My ex would break all the things in his house and hit himself then blame me for it cos I wanted to break up with him."
No Discussion
"If you cant have a mature conversation about the relationship and what you feel you need without being told you are actually the manipulative one run because they will try to tell you that you are manipulative to manipulate you into never saying your opinion."
Don't Break Up, Or Else
"Threatening to breakup with you after every argument."
"Worse yet - threatening suicide if you break up with them."
Weary Accusations
"And when you get tired of their bs, they start accusing you of cheating/not loving them anymore. It's truly exhausting and it really messes with your head."
Removing Boundaries
"They make you start thinking your boundaries or walls are meant to come down for them - not for you."
Window Cleaners Share The Best Things They've Ever Seen | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Refusing To Apologize
"Your feelings don't matter, and no matter what happens, everything is your fault. You're trying to talk about a problem and by the end of the conversation you're the one apologizing. My ex-boyfriend never once uttered the words, 'I'm sorry' straightforwardly. If anything, it was always, 'I'm sorry you feel that way.'"
These assertive behaviors are often associated with someone who could be abusive.
Manipulation
"Not taking no for an answer and pushing boundaries - but acting like they're pushing you as a favour to you and it's for your own good."
Being A Puppet
"Controlling behaviour - always assuming control, and undermining your ability to do anything yourself."
Feeling Insignificant
"When everything you do, they always make it sound like nothing important. Downgrading it, belittling, anything of the sort."
– arafille
Being Denied Of Having Options
"Near the end of my last relationship, i couldn't even pick the correct things when grocery shopping. He'd immediately pick it up out of the cart, and then start lecturing me about making sure I'd picked the cheapest option, you could've gotten this instead, put that back we'll get it somewhere else etc. As a grown woman, being lectured about my choice of chicken in the middle of a grocery store was super embarrassing."
"Now, I buy whatever the hell I want and it's amazing how liberating something so simple can feel."
"Compromise"
"The 'slow erosion of the self' is something that is hard to detect and sometimes the guise it tries to surface as is 'compromise.' Except when you look back you find you're the only one who has made compromises in the relationship."
Changes In Behavior
"If they behave badly towards the people they feel most comfortable with (parents, siblings, close friends)."
"They may be an absolute angel with you now that you're still in the beginning, but when they get comfortable with you too, they'll treat you the same."
No Remorse, Whatsoever
"When they show no pity or remorse for something they did that hurt you. Massive red flag."
Crazy Exes
"When every ex is 'Crazy.'"
"Every ex was crazy. Every boss ever was a d*ck. They didn't graduate, because of that one professor, who hated them after they corrected them on their mistake. Their siblings don't talk to them, because they're jealous of their success. They had friends once, but they were toxic and they don't need that kind of drama in their lives. They don't go to this and this and that place, because the bartenders are awful. Generally, the world is out to get them, because they are too nice."
When your friendships become less important than that of your significant other's.
Driving A Wedge
"They will find ways to separate you from friends and loved ones."
"Came here to tell this from personal experience."
"First they always insist to come along when you are going with your friends."
"Then they start sulking and make you feel miserable for bringing them along until you decide not to go."
"I look back and this is the biggest, brightest flag I missed."
"Ex-boyfriend: (talking to buddies) hey guys watch this. (Turns to me and says) go lay down."
"I left the room and went into the bedroom and laid on the bed... literally was treated like a dog."
Preventing Connections
"Make it difficult for you to meet/connect/spend time with family or friends."
A Package Deal
"I'd add to this - wanting to always come with you to see these people or showing up to places you didn't invite them to."
Of course, we should give the other person the benefit of the doubt when they do or say something off-putting.
But it's important to have mature conversations with your partner – especially towards the beginning of a relationship – if their irrational behavior persists.
If they are not willing to communicate, that's a huge red flag.
Because constantly being told what to do and not being able to see your friends are not ways to be in a loving relationship.
We can all sense danger. Let's be real. We all have that gut feeling. Nine time out of ten we ignore it. Why? There is a universal gut feeling. Nature knows things. Let's see how much...
RUNNNNNN!!!
Run Away GIFGiphy"If the animals gtfo, you should too."
"Whenever I see someone running it makes me want to run. I recently realized this might actually be a safety instinctual thing when someone else said they want to run when they see runners, too."
Parallels...
"If you are at swimming at the beach or a coastal inlet & see an unusually calm area of water, get away from it, it could be a rip tide. On that note. If you get stuck in a rip, don't swim against it, you will tire & drown, swim parallel to the coast till you swim out of the rip."
"Squirrels will sometimes watch you from a distance while making alarm calls. The sound varies by species but it's generally a sort of squawking bark. If you hear them barking, and they aren't yelling at you, then there may be something else around they think is a predator. It's worth paying attention."
Smells while hiking...
"Oh! I can answer this! If you're hiking and suddenly smell something very musky, almost reminiscent of a faint country manure, keep your freaking eyes open."
I" was hiking on the Appalachian Trail today, up in Maryland. The wind shifted and the smell changed to something like I described above. Caught me off guard, but I kept hiking. About a quarter mile later, I turned around and began to head to my car since I was already 6 miles into a 2.5 mile hike."
"Right around where the smell changed, I heard a sudden crashing sound and saw a black bear just freakin busting it's way away from the trail into the woods. I had walked past it, and then came back upon it when I turned around."
T"L;DR: if you're hiking and the ambient scent changes suddenly, you're probably close to an animal."
The Storm
Storm Hurricane GIFGiphy"Of you see waves come in to shore with a square pattern or if the tide recedes very fast, evacuate asap. It means a tsunami is coming."
Having lived in the South I always know when a storm is a comin'. That is an easy one. Which begs the question... why aren't more people prepared?
And always listen to squirrels. They know things. Shall we contine?
Flooded
Fire This Is Fine GIF by MOODMANGiphy"Surprised the flash flood sign hasn't been posted yet. If you're walking near water and if turns dirty and dirty with debris in it, get to high ground."
New Year's Eve
"If a tornado looks like it's not moving, chances are that it is either coming right at you, or it's moving away from you. Always assume it's coming towards you and seek shelter right away."
"Not sure about this one. Tornados do a lot of weird stuff. El Reno did a full 180 if I remember right. No expert here but I've lived in Missouri my whole life."
"New Year's Eve, a tornado tore down a house and the neighbor's house about 15 feet away still had its Christmas lights up. Another one jumped over our house that's on the peak of a valley and then take out a garage and barn at the base of the valley. Never try and predict what a tornado will do IMO."
Trust Yourself
"Your own senses. If you feel like something is wrong, there is a good chance it is. In your peripheral you may have seen something or gotten a vibe from someone that made your hair stand. Don't just dismiss the feeling. Our subconscious is very attuned to hostile body language in people capable of violence."
"Edit:. If you have anxiety disorder and you subconscious goes more haywire than usual, it's time to leave the situation anyway. Even if benign you are likely to have a panic attack which is not fun either. It's harder to feel the difference since your baseline anxiety is always up there, but if you feel an increase, it's a good idea to move away. You might be wrong half the time but the point is it's never worth the risk."
"Also, trusting your instincts, even if they are wrong will reduce your anxiety because you have done what your most base brain has asked you to. You will start to realize that you can soothe that anxious part of yourself because it will know it can get out of a bad situation when it happens. That control and predictably will reduce anxiety and give your senses a rest so they can be more attuned to actual danger."
When in Australia
"If a tree is hot to touch get the hell out. I don't know if this is common in other countries, but here in Australia we have what's called "widowmakers", basically eucalypt trees are extremely flammable and its possible for the tree to be on fire internally, but not visible on the outside, and can literally explode at any given moment."
Brightness...
The Original Series GIF by Star TrekGiphy"If an animal is brightly coloured and/or distinctly patterned and easy to see, that's a warning not to mess with it."
I've made a survival list. I love when I learn things from Reddit. There are hidden gems abound. Don't be ashamed, fight for your life.
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