People Recount The Most Profound Thing Their Therapist Ever Said
Reddit user lilmizzvalz asked: 'What is a profound statement your therapist has told you?'
Whether it's in a traditional therapy session or not, we all need advice from time to time.
But sometimes during therapy, some truly profound statements may be made that the client will never forget.
Redditor lilmizzvalz asked:
"What is a profound statement your therapist has told you?"
Searching for Reason
"'You're trying to rationalize something said by an irrational person. You won't make sense from nonsense.'"
- A_Random_Lady
Intentions vs. Actions
"We judge ourselves by our intentions, but we judge others by their actions."
- codewarrior128
Unfair Compromise
"If someone can't or won't meet you halfway, that doesn't mean you go further. One-hundred percent of the time, that will lead to resentment."
- rainynotes
Negative Self-Talk
"Not profound necessarily, but she noticed I was very hard on myself and asked me if I would talk to others the way I talk to myself."
- suspicious_lobster6
"I was out with my little one, and I did something silly, so instinctively, I called myself an id**t."
"My daughter said, ‘Daddy, you’re very mean to yourself,' and now I think about that a lot."
- craptainbland
Simply Surviving
"She pointed out that a lot of the things I do or don’t do that I hate about myself are coping and survival mechanisms."
"They were important to surviving a s**tty upbringing, and now that I’m safe, they aren’t needed. Unlearning these traits/habits are hard. It’s not my fault, and I need to allow myself to recognize that."
- kmk89
"My therapist hit me with something when we were in that same vein. He said, 'You’re basing your way of living off the part of your life where you had no agency. You have that agency now.'"
- zharkus
An Overprotective Friend
"'Your anxiety is not evil or an enemy. It’s like an overprotective friend trying to keep you safe because it saw you hurt once. Don’t fight it; just prove it wrong.'"
- Laura5013
Be Proactive, Not Reactive
"'You don’t have to wait for something terrible to happen before you change your behavior.'"
- Olda**rollerskater
Constantly Growing and Changing
"'People are not finished products.'"
"It's really helped soften my outlook and attitude toward others and myself."
- yekirati
Level of Danger
"'Is this harming you or is this just uncomfortable?'"
"Not every difficult situation is harming us; sometimes it’s just a stretch, and those are uncomfortable. If it’s uncomfortable, it’s likely teaching you something and would be worth working through."
"I’m high-strung with anxiety, so this helped me calm down and look at difficult situations more objectively."
- CuriousTsukihime
Incompatibility Is Okay
"I never ever realized this before and it’s gonna make me seem like an id**t, but it was profound to me to hear, 'You aren’t compatible with everyone.'"
"I used to think that I could make a relationship work with anyone as long as the effort was there, but she opened my eyes to realizing that what makes someone special is when you both are compatible with each other because that’s actually a very rare thing to find."
- neoIithic
Breaking Generational Cycles
"Your ability to cut people off and self-isolate is a trauma response to never having anyone to depend on when you were young."
"I now understand why my parents were the way they were, and I no longer ascribe to them blame for my current mental state, and I am in the process of taking personal responsibility for my actions and not passing on generational trauma."
- Odd-Grapefruit4215
A Reality Check
"When I came back from Iraq, I was not in a good place. I was dealing with some serious PTSD, and started to withdraw from the world."
"Finally, I saw the VA was offering free mental health therapy for returning vets, so I gave them a call."
"The therapist came out to my place and we talked for a bit, and then he said something that made me think for the first time there was light at the end of the tunnel: 'You know, you're not half as crazy as you think you are.'"
"That one sentence helped me find my way back. I'll never forget that."
- Hewholooksskyward
Nice, But Optional
"Forgiveness of another person is not a necessity to move on, despite what people say."
"But you DO need to forgive YOURSELF for not being able to forgive the person who wronged you, otherwise, you’ll hold onto anger forever."
"Once you let go of THEM, forgiveness aside, your life is that much better."
- OkeyDokeyArtichokey1
Because 'Family'
"They pointed out to me, 'Many intrafamily problems boil down to bad manners.'"
- OpalWildwood
"I realized that my family is very good at maintaining appropriate social boundaries with other people but within the family interactions, they totally disappear. And we're supposed to put up with it, because FAMILY."
"Like, why do you treat your family s**ttier than strangers? How do we deserve less respect?"
- StickFigureSoul
Perpetual Worry
"Worrying about something makes you experience it twice!"
- jslay588
"My dad actually said this quote to me and it really resonated with me: 'Worrying does not relieve us of tomorrow's troubles; it only robs us of today’s joy.'"
- Life-Gazelle3499
"I like to tell myself, 'It looks like you’re writing a fanfiction again,' whenever I start imagining how something that could go bad might go and it starts to feel too real."
"It makes sense because what is fanfiction? It’s a made-up story that isn’t 'canon,' written by a fan imagining what they THINK will happen. That’s basically what every bad 'what if' you imagine in your head is."
"Or you can say that that scenario you just imagined is something YOU made up, which makes it fiction. It’s no more real than (name of the last fictional movie or show you watched). That helps me a lot, too."
- StreetIndependence62
It makes perfect sense that this is the advice that Redditors have held onto over the years.
All we can say, really, is we wish we could have all heard these and internalized them when we were young.
People Break Down The Best Advice They've Ever Received From Their Therapist
There’s no question that therapy is one of the most helpful treatment methods with regard to emotional hardship, trauma, or mental health. A licensed therapist is full of good advice.
They can show you some smaller forms of therapy you can implement, defense mechanisms you can use, or even tell you what you need to hear.
A therapist once asked my friend, "Is there data to support that fear?" It is now the question of the day every day at work. Therapists can be brilliant!
Redditors have seen this firsthand, and they are ready to share what they learned.
Redditor SugarMumma asked:
"What was the best advice you got from your therapist?"
Setting Boundaries
"Setting boundaries will upset the person who crosses/needs them set the most."
– wrongreasons2242
"Bingo. Resistance to boundaries or annoyance them is a solid red flag."
– SiliconPenguin
You Are Only Responsible For Yourself
"You are not responsible for what other people do."
– Doodle-Cactus
"Similarly, you are not responsible for how someone is going to feel."
"Meaning, “if I tell my girlfriend that it bothers me that she leaves the dishes unwashed, she’ll be mad at me. And I don’t want her to be mad, so I’ll just not say anything”
"You’re not responsible for her reaction to your honest good faith communication. You need to communicate it anyway and let her feel how she’s going to feel. Don’t “decide” for her."
– sevencoves
"If I'm not the problem, there is no solution."
"That one saved my life."
– marvelousteat
Love Heals
"She got me to realize how many defense mechanisms I had constructed to defend the little kid inside of me who wanted love and acceptance. Whether that be judging myself and trying to get ahead of other peoples’ criticism, or lashing out defensively at perceived slights."
"She was a good therapist, so she got me to come to those conclusions myself."
– mjknlr
Writing Also Heals
"The greatest thing a therapist ever told me to do was to keep a journal. I thought he was crazy at first but it’s incredibly therapeutic to write your day and thoughts down."
"I also like to go back and read previous entities and see how far I’ve come from certain situations and such."
– Starlight_City45
"I've been journaling for a year, yeah it's not easy on some days but let me tell you... It helps! Really helps to unclutter the clutter in my head. I have a journal app with prompts. Makes me think about my feelings which really helps and takes me through steps to feel better if at all I'm feeling negative feelings."
– noir-Blossom
Examine Your Role
"Just because your feelings are hurt doesn’t mean you’re right. I didn’t listen in the moment, but I think about that almost a decade later."
– mbane_800
"Yep. Stop and consider how you have contributed in this"
– pineapplewin
Making It Work
"Anxiety will never go away, but you can learn to manage it."
– Present-Tension9924
"I think the takeaway from this is to try not to get into a mindset of 'waiting until you're better' to move forward in life. It's more like hey, this is who I am, let's figure out how to make it work."
– baywchrome
Does The Data Back It Up?
"If you catch yourself making assumptions about a person's actions or intentions, ask yourself, "Where is the evidence for this?""
– philwatanabe
15 Minutes of Infamous Tasks
"Take at least 15min of your day every day to do something you don't want to do, but that needs to be done. Like cleaning your room, paying bills ect. It won't be as hard to begin with it if you tell yourself you can stop after 15 minutes. Often times you will do more than that just because you tricked yourself into starting. And at the end of the day, you won't feel like you wasted your time because you achieved something."
– firedexo
Don't Get Dragged Into Drama
"Not your circus, not your monkeys."
– chrisbe2e9
"F*ck this is such a good one to keep in mind though"
– Few-Background2498
Therapy is not a magic solution, but therapists are here to help, and sometimes, their advice may even save a life.
You do what you can to help someone.
That's the job of many therapists, hoping to held lead their patient down the path of self-help and rehabilitation. No matter what difficulties arise, you stay the course, helping them find the answers and providing possible solutions they need.
Sometimes, however, that path gets cut short when the therapist realizes their patient is beyond help. What can you do when there's literally nothing to do?
*The following article contains discussion of suicide/self-harm.
Reddit user, dreawithlove, wanted to know when all hope seemed lost when they asked:
"Therapists of Reddit, What was the moment you realized your client couldn't be helped?"
Maybe there's a bit of self-realization, the moment you notice your therapist has decided to no longer see you.
Yay, America...
"My therapist had to let me go because my insurance decided my mental health wasn't worth paying for and I couldn't afford her rate. I miss her sometimes she was my first therapist and I enjoyed talking with her."
Amethoran
But...Why?
"When I was 12 I saw a therapist with my Mother in the room. This 70 year old therapist started the session with basic questions. One question was, “what is a similarity between and peach and a pear?” My response, “they both start with P. He said he had never heard that answer and that nearly everyone says they’re both fruit. Then he ended the session and dropped me"
folkyall
Obviously, Go To One Who Works For You Within Your Budget
"My last therapist decided that if I can't come in twice a week, due to financial reasons, that she stopped letting me schedule appointments."
BloodPactScout
Always Be Aware When You're Not Getting What You Need
"For the most part, I've had the opposite as a client. Where the therapist sessions become mundane and unhelpful but the therapist doesn't let go - the client (me in this case) ends the relationship. It makes sense. It's that whole it's easier to keep an existing customer than recruit new ones. Sometimes the relationship just isn't working but I've never had the therapist recognise that they're not helping me. Whether it's genuine ignorance on their part or not is of course my own speculation but that point about customer acquisition does stick with me."
lifeinwentworth
You can't help someone unless they want to help themselves. Any self-help professional will tell you that, and live by that, as evidenced by some of these dropped cases where it was apparent no desire for improvement was to be found.
It's Not The Kids Fault
"When the child is younger than 8-9 yrs old and the parents want me to only work with the kid to change the kid’s behavior. Ain’t gonna happen. You change the environment and parenting and THEN you see changes in the kid’s behavior."
"Edit: point of clarification. I AM NOT saying it is the parents’ fault or that they are the cause. I AM saying that to work with kids who are young, you need to change the parenting and environment."
"Examples: Autism and ADHD, not caused by the parents, but effective therapy requires changes to the environment, increases in prompts, forewarning, cues, help with regulating emotional and sensory responses. After the brain matures some, kids can better take perspective and think socially with help, a little later they can better plan ahead for contingencies, though the frontal lobes won’t fully mature until a much later point In development than that which I was referring."
odd-42
Perfect Example, Right There
"One month in with this couple, a wife had just spent 5 minutes explaining the impact of her husband's language on her, and how devalued, disregarded, and unimportant she felt in the relationship. His response to her was to, verbatim, use the exact language she had just described to respond to her. She collapsed into sobs, and he sat back, sighed, rolled his eyes, and gestured vaguely to her, as if I would agree that she's the problem. I told him exactly the opposite. He stormed out. She went to the lawyer I recommended and cleaned him out. Full custody too. It was truly a happy ending."
mahoagie
Their Heart Isn't In To It
"The moment I realize they don't want to be helped. It is usually with the cases that are bullied into therapy by loved ones. Of course, most of them at least become curious of the process and start being a part of it, but there are the few that just won't stop resisting no matter how many sessions."
melhamb
So Far Gone They Can Never Come Back
"I am a therapist for sex offenders. One particular client was a drug user, but thus far it did not seem to interfere with the therapy (it was in no way related to his criminal acts). Until one day he showed up for his appointment completely high on hard drugs, he had already been awake for 48+ hours. Turned out his drug abuse was way way way worse then he'd make it seem. He also severely damaged his penis while high (he told us) . We immediately referred him to a rehab and never heard from him since."
OGveer
"I usually can tell in the first two-three sessions. Mostly narcissistic individuals who are brought to treatment by their SO or a relative desperately hoping for change. It never works."
CloudLizard911
Help They're Unable To Provide
"I'm a therapist for individuals with severe and persistent mental illness, as part of a team that does a lot of mobile and intensive services. As a result I've worked with a lot of people for years that I've realized I can't really help much with my skill set."
"Most commonly this is folks who are elderly and start experiencing a lot of cognitive decline. I eventually really don't do much beyond giving them some socialization and more case management to get them appropriate services. Therapeutically I'm not doing much to help them. Eventually they go to a nursing home with a dementia unit and I never see them again."
"The other scenario is when someone is actively invested against therapy (e.g. court mandated, when legal guardians are forcing therapy, or when payee services refuse to contact their clients except through us, county forces clients on us). In those cases I try to build common ground, develop as much rapport as possible, meet them where they're at, and be as radically open as I can. Unfortunately in some cases there's just so much grievances between us to be able to help them, which doesn't help when it's mandatory and insurance won't allow a switch (yay managed care . . . ). It's not so much that they can't be helped - it's just I or my team can't help them because of all these environmental factors interfering."
"I've dealt with a lot of serious cases (significant psychosis and/or personality disorders, etc.) and I don't think I've ever met anyone that I've felt was truly beyond any sort of help from anybody. Just a lot of cases of I'm not the right person in the right environment."
Darklight161
Then there's these, sad tales of therapists who realized their patient was far beyond their help, and perhaps far beyond anyone's help.
Not Understanding The Treatment
"my client told me that despite the promise from her psychiatrist that trying an anti-anxiety prescription might help ease the symptoms of her complex PTSD, it would only be treating a symptom and not the cause of the anxiety. I wish she had been able to understand that in order to move forward she would’ve needed to get out of her “fight or flight” mode, which was why finding the right anti-anxiety prescription was a good start."
"edit for clarity: the anxiety was fueled by her fear of an abusive ex"
hopelesslydevoided
Putting Them In The Right Place With The Wrong Head Space
"I’ve been a youth mental health therapist for 7 years, and I’ve not had that issue yet in mental health work. And honestly I don’t think I ever will"
"But previously I did family therapy and general social work, and had a client that had a drug problem, he was homeless and I did everything in my power to help him get work and shelter. He would always quit after 2-3 days citing that he couldn’t get along with the boss. And he would consistently lie about health problems or call me in the middle of the night to try to get money, or for me to sign off financial aid to him (I already got him monthly financial support prior - it was just going to more drugs)"
"Finally I managed to get him a place in a halfway house - the workers were kind, the other guys living there seemed really easygoing. It came with immediate employment and a place to stay for a year, and he’d be coming out with enough money to get by for awhile."
"He quit after a month…"
"It’s been years since then, and from what I know, he’s still in the system"
musicmonkay
No, It's Not That Kind Of Relationship
"He kept hitting on me. I had brought it up for reflection in context of his functioning and history. Lots of attempts to deepen insight and hold a boundary. At some point the boundary needed to get bigger . So I ended our therapeutic relationship.
jbuam
Worldwide Pandemic Can Do That To People
"They had an advanced extreme case of antisocial personality disorder, too agitated, too aggressive, with substance abuse. After months in therapy at a hospital, there was no progress whatsoever and nothing to be done, their family didn’t want them, neither did the police, nor the hospital and after setting their bed on fire and harming the other patients, i was just too scared to work with them so i closed the file and spoke to the doctor to find another solution. Sadly covid happened and they had to lay off a huge majority of the staff in the hospital, since i was still new, i was let go. I still don’t know what happened with the patient."
skypotato98
"When she committed suicide."
"It might sound harsh, but she was one of my very first patients as a doctor. Had several sessions with her together with colleagues. She was a very nice person."
"She will be forever stuck in my mind."
Dysp-_-
A very sobering read.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
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I have a good therapist—she's great. She listens to me, she is kind, attentive.
We even laugh and she occasionally shares tidbits about her life. She's awesome and I am thankful that she has helped me work out a lot of issues I had with my mental health.
I have had a couple of bad therapists in the past, though, so finding my current therapist was like finding a diamond in the rough.
The difference in how we approach our sessions compared to how other therapists approached our sessions is like night and day. For one thing, she doesn't talk over me or belittle me.
Yeah.. I've been there. It's not fun.
People shared their stories with us after Redditor Admirable_District asked the online community:
"People who realized they had bad therapists, what were the red flags?"
"I waited 15 minutes..."
"I went to an appointment and the door was locked. I waited 15 minutes and called him. No response. He texted me back a few minutes later and said he had the flu and was in bed and sorry he didn’t call to cancel. I went to the grocery store instead. I saw him shopping. He ducked when he saw me. I never went back to him."
Beth_Titles
Okay, this would be sort of funny in a movie... but in real life?
That's horrible.
I'd have run far, far away.
"When he was on the news..."
"When he was on the news for banging a client. It was his arrest photo because that's a crime. He was our marriage counselor, and he was married. So was the client."
markitfuckenzero
Okay, that would do it.
Can't argue with any of this.
"I was 13."
"I was 13. The therapist was an older woman who, upon first meeting me, insisted to my mother that I was on drugs (I wasn't) and that "clearly" my father and/or brother were molesting me. My father and brother have never, ever touched me inappropriately. She needed help herself."
WeasersMom14
Wow.
Let's just say that too many therapists who work with kids really shouldn't be working with kids.
"During those rants..."
"Recently started therapy and had about 5-6 sessions with the same guy. The last two sessions he was either late or had shared some bad news going on in his life, and had multiple uninterrupted rants of 15+ minutes or more where the subject matter was only tangentially related at the absolute best (it wasn't). "
"During those rants, he name dropped public figures in my sphere and told secrets about them. Unprofessional and sloppy."
honestlyanidiot
It sounds like he needs a therapist himself, which is truly saying something.
So much wrong here.
"He told me several times..."
"He told me several times how pretty he thinks I am. He also refused to believe me when I said I think have PTSD. I definitely had PTSD."
petta_redast
This is so inappropriate.
I'd be so disturbed.
Thankfully you're no longer in his orbit.
"When our marriage counselor..."
"When our marriage counselor told us he had been divorced 6 times."
WyomingVet
It sounds like your marriage counselor needed to find a new line of work.
"She really succeeded..."
"My husband and I went to a marriage counselor who was going through a divorce. She was so bitter. We went to 2 sessions. She really succeeded in uniting us in our dislike of her."
Chat_Noir
Sooo... does this mean that she inadvertently saved your marriage?
"He is so lucky..."
"He broke confidentiality and told my girlfriend what we talked about in therapy. He is so lucky I didn't report his ass. Two sessions later, he referred me because my problems were 'too dark.'"
dramboxf
"I had a long report..."
"I had a long report written by a psychologist who had given me a thorough assessment. The therapist on the third appointment told me the report was probably wrong and I should just basically try harder."
eggplantsrin
Wait, what?
Why... how is this person a therapist?
"Every session..."
"Every session, he asked me if I thought my mood was due to my period."
auntiepink
This is incredibly sexist.
I hope you ran far, far away.
Reading these, it would not surprise me if actual therapists, concerned about whether or not they're doing a good job, felt some relief knowing that they're not this bad.
Some people really should not have a license.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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Self-care has become a relatively hot topic of discussion within the last several years. Being open, and honest, about what you're going through mentally and the types of help you're receiving is important, as it can help others feel more comfortable with searching for any kind of help they might need.
With so many therapists, and so many disccusision points, it's great we can share the biggest takeaways we've learned from our sessions online.
One of the few good things the internet is for.
Reddit user, slowlythrough, wanted to learn from your breakthroughs when they asked:
"What was the best thing you ever learned from a therapist?"
Depending on your job and day-to-day life, you might be interacting with dozens upon hundreds of people every single day. How you interact with them, and more importantly, how you handle yourself, can make all the difference.
Don't Take Responsibility For How Others Acts
"How people act is a reflection of them, not me."
Commercial_Zombie196
"I had this revelation with a friend of mine. We realised that, when someone didn't understand what either of us were talking about, I would blame myself and he would blame the other person. It made me realise how different everyone is in how they communicate and respond to others."
AlterEdward
You Are Not Responsible For Others
"That all emotions have their time and place. Also that I can’t control how other people feel. It’s not my job to keep them happy or satisfied. I am allowed to let people be angry or upset."
stewiesaidblast
"This is important, I started becoming progressively more assertive and confident ever since I came to this realisation"
frankjohnsen
You Don't Have To Be About That "Hustle Life"
"My worth is not determined by my productivity."
"Being raised by a workaholic Marine and then having a series of nightmare bosses led me to have a severe guilt spiral if I spent a most of day not "doing" something."
kayarreff
"I agree, and I'm not a tool. I don't have to "do something", "be more productive", and not everything has to be about work."
"There's also nothing wrong with being "lazy". We're not robots. I wasn't put here on this planet to be a slave until I die."
PandaMayFire
If you need help with how you think about yourself, consider these lessons on self-reflection and metacognitive practices.
Speak Your Mind
"People don’t know what you’re thinking or wanting if you don’t say it. If you don’t communicate your emotions and thoughts, you can’t expect people to mind-read, and then get upset at them for not doing what you expected."
lhy13
Metacognitive Practices Are So Important
"You can step back and think about your thoughts."
"I know that sounds obvious, but it was not obvious to me as an angry, sad, 17 year old."
"Diagnosed with ADHD at 30. That advice probably saved me from making a ton of impulsive mistakes over the years."
iph0ne
Don't Accept Everything
"If you take good thoughts with a grain of salt why not also take the bad with a grain of salt? Hear it, recognize it, and let it leave."
findthefish14
"I like this one. It resonates with something else I learned about intrusive negative thoughts regarding myself, my future, my past, my whole life basically."
"When it all goes spiraling it’s important to interject those thoughts with a quick, 'ok, but what if it all works out? What if all my hard work actually does pay off?'"
"Both outcomes are entirely possible but we spend so much time sucking out energy by acknowledging the more dreadful negative thoughts, without even recognizing the hopeful positive ones."
barebackguy7
What about the big ones? The lessons you should start practicing right now?
Your Actions Are Not Your Thoughts
"A counselor at my university taught me that just because your anxiety tells you something will happen, that doesn't make it true. One way to illustrate this is to place a pen on a table, tell yourself you won't be able to pick it up, and then do it anyway. It feels so weird but also so comforting to know that your thoughts don't have as much influence on your life as they want you to believe. The therapist who told me this was just an intern at the time. I really hope she has been able to help people the same way she did me where ever she is now."
BlossomtheMare
Place Your Chips Wisely
"You have a limited amount of energy and time in any given day, and you get to choose where you place that energy. Like chips at a roulette table."
"Every angry twitter response, Reddit argument, etc is me putting those chips on those squares. My stack dwindles each time."
"Angry thoughts about a news article, an opinion I disagree with, that a--hole driver on the freeway, all of that takes energy, my chips. An extremely limited resource."
"So I’m trying to live though that lens and make the best possible decisions with my stack. That a--hole driver gets none of my chips anymore. YA CANT HAVE EM F-CKFACE."
"Today I was about to have a negative interaction online so I got up and pet the ever loving sh-t out of my cat instead. Like world class scratches - he was stoked."
"Chips. Place them wisely."
"I stop myself many times a day from doing it. I’m much happier now. Still f-cked up, but happier in my stew if that makes any sense."
campoanywhere
Nothing Else Need Be Said
"'No.' Is a complete sentence"
no-guac
Take care of yourself out there. No one else has that same requirement.
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