Redditor carlden3 wanted to hear all the deets surrounding outrageous body art.
They asked:
"Tattoo artists of reddit, what is the most fucked up thing you've tattooed?"
I have seen some truly off the wall tats in my day. So I'm interested to hear how what I've seen can be topped.
Help Wil E...
"Tattooist here. The list is long but the one that made me laugh the most that I've done, is Wil E. Coyote's arm poking out of a dudes butt, holding a sign that said 'help.'" ~ Goongalagooo
GiphyWhoops
"Not a professional artist, but my brother in law had jerry rigged up a tattoo gun in the garage out of a hand fan, an eraser, bic pen and a sharpened guitar string. Friend wanted to get a quote from Che Guevara, I'd rather die on my hands than live on my knees, or something along those lines... needle broke after the first T... so dude left our house with a fresh 'I'd rat tat.'" ~ whycantifindmyname
Dude...
"A dude who was a regular customer at an old job got a scorpion on one forearm and a tarantula on the other. Only their heads were replaced by Beavis and Butthead.The lines and details for the arachnid bodies were blown out a bit and blurred- Beavis and Butthead were mostly intact." ~ Vote_4_Cthulhu
"Well crap, I have a tribute to someone close who passed which has his favourite animals wearing Beavis and Buttheads shirts. I see nothing wrong with this." ~ VagueSomething
Billy Jack What?
"Had a woman come into the shop one time way back who looked like she’d been in a tanning booth 8 days a week for the last 40+ years. She wanted to get her locked-up man’s name tattooed on her, but she wanted it 'down there.' She convinced me to get waaaay closer to her jukebox than I was comfortable with, and had me tattoo 'Billy Jack’s P***y' so far up that I think we’re common law related now."
"(Name slightly changed for anonymity). Best part is that a couple weeks later “Billy Jack” called me from prison tell me how much he loved the tattoo. It was a collect call too. God damn it. Thanks for bringing that memory back. I was almost over it, lol." ~ willieyobslayer
Basics...
"My friend's mom got a Mustang car that transitions into horses. Just like one of the basic infinity tattoos that turns into birds, but with a car and horses." ~ Curly_su3
GiphySeriously? I mean... I have no words.
Seriously?
"I'm a detox nurse. A patient had a penis tattooed on the back of his shin so he could tell people he had a-d**k-shin. Addiction. Not making that up lol." ~ jessica4994
GiphyBackwards...
"In prison I knew a guy with half his name scribbled backwards on his forehead. The only explanation I could come up with was he was tattooing himself in the mirror and half way through realized it was coming out backwards to everyone so called it quits." ~ Luke-__-
Over the Pond
"I used to work with a guy who had a tattoo on the side of his body that was a woman squatting over a pond full fire hydrant peeing into it, inside the pond was floating decapitated heads. When I asked him wtf was this he told me that the woman was his ex and the heads were all his kids. I asked why is she peeing on them and he told me he has a pee fetish." ~ Kypriot
I Do... Not!
"Girl had a dream about marrying a dolphin. She got a tattoo of her as a mermaid, rising from the water in an embrace with the dolphin. Halfway through, after hitting on me the whole time and telling me stories about an abusive ex, she started arguing about the colour scheme and left with only the outline and some shading." ~ zombieriot
Gross
"My tattoo artist told me he made a snake out of a guy's penis, scales covering the whole thing. Different strokes for different folks. Pretty gnarly." ~ zygomelonm
GiphyOh my.
People, people, people...
To each their own I guess.
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I've seen too many friends have to do cover up art. The older you get the more you realize... how stupid young you was. And now that pot leaf has to be turned into shamrock or a rose, because what do you tell your kids? That's why it's good to know that there are tattoo artists out there with a conscience, and a brain to think for you when your's malfunctions.
Bad Idea
artist tattoo GIFGiphy18 year old girl wanted her considerably older bf's name just above her vagina for her first tattoo. Hard no, and had to explain why it wasn't a good decision.
That's a Limp Idea...
I was asked to put a full-fledged erect penis on someone's back, right above his butt crack. Veins and all. I would have considered it but there was some heavy breathing involved and... yeah, no, I do not want to spend hours and hours lovingly doing that, thanks very much.
Think Ahead!
I had a conversation with my tattoo artist about this. He said he wouldn't do any "instant tough guy" tattoos, mainly face, neck or hand tattoos, unless the person already had a good deal of coverage on other parts of their body.
Had an artist make an exception for my wife and I. Our wedding rings are tattooed on and (at the time) it was our only ink. He had the same rules generally, but was super nice and made an exception for that reason.
Not for Cash
My dad was a tattoo artist in the 80's/90's he was REALLY passionate about doing good artwork, especially mythological creatures (dragons & pegasus were both specialties of his) he refused to do partners names, when we needed cash he would do a bit of work in a bigger shop where he would have to basically ink whatever the customer wanted, he used to affectionately call it "wh*ring himself out."
Bless You
Judging No Way GIF by CameoGiphySevered Jesus Christ head on the butt cheek.
Seriously... what are people thinking? This ink is for LIFE. There is no body white out or eraser. Thank the Lord for the people willing to... just say no.
People Break Down The Best Loophole They've Ever Exploited
The Sting
Weekend Spider GIFGiphyI asked a scorpion in my hand, when I was 19. Had a hard no from tattoo artist. I thank him forever!
No Removals
It's not the whole shops policy, but my friend won't do names unless it's their children. They could have it tattooed over, but they'd still forever know what's underneath it. And the shop doesn't do removals.
This is a good policy. The guy who taught me to tattoo would refuse to do names unless it was of children's or parent's.
When he was planning to move to another country, he decided to not turn down any work as he needed as much money as he could make in a few months.
A young guy got his girlfriend's name tattooed on his arm, despite being warned not to and advised to think about it, he insisted so, that's what he got.
Three weeks later he wanted a cover up. It wasn't even healed yet. Six large black Olde English letters running down his forearm.
The only suggestion he was given was to find another girl called Nadine.
Bobby & Becky!
Story time!
I was in the shop shooting the crap and looking through the books, while my buddy was in the chair getting some new ink. Young couple walks in.
They're maybe 19-20 years old and pawing each other to the point that I thought they were going to fall down and have sex right there on the floor.
Girl says "We need matching Bobby and Becky Forever tattoos with hearts and flowers!"
Artist (also a friend) doesn't even look up "No, go away. You been together what? One month? Two? Come back in five years"
The girl argued for about a minute and then they left
Artist "I hate doing coverups of my own work".
Keep the $60
I wanted a tattoo on my finger back when those were popular. Went in for a consult, front desk quoted me $60. I get to my appointment, my artist looks me in the eye and told me no way in hell would he tattoo my hand, he would do an arm or I could go elsewhere. I agreed and said he was the expert and I'd do what he thought was best. He still honored the $60. I wish I remembered literally anything about him (that was a messed up year for me in general and my memories are fuzzy at best) so I could thank him, because he was right.
No Hate Here!
GiphyMy dad owned a tattoo shop despite not being an artist (his buddy was and my dad basically provided funding while his buddy ran the shop in the partnership) and their rule was that the only hate symbol they would do was a swastika, but it would have to be on your forehead so everyone could see what a sh*tty person you were.
Forget Her
My dad has mine and my brother's tattooed on his shoulder. When the artist asked if he wanted to add his wife's name my dad said "only if it's somewhere that can be cut off." He's been married three times and has a sense of humor about it.
I once considered getting my SO's initials as a tattoo. Since we share the same initials, I would simply end up with my own initials (though of course I'd know better). Didn't do it though.
Please Leave
I was a tattoo artist and I was asked to draw a dog with a human head, shark fins, cat legs, and a lizard tail, at first I went along with it but i asked to make sure that was what he wanted. He then said "give it a d***" i just asked him to leave. This was a few years ago and still remember it very clearly.
Bad Author
I was asked by a maniac to tattoo 4 years worth of his dead girlfriend's essays all over him until there isn't a spot with his skin color left.
No Refunds
When I got my first tattoo I complimented my artist's collection of Virgin Mary designs. He laughed and said people were shocked that he was Jewish when they saw them. I asked if that was ever a problem. He said, "Nope. I always take payment first anytime someone wants a swastika or something, then halfway through I tell them. If they still want it, it's just a job. But if they don't, they leave with half a hate symbol and I don't give refunds." I always loved that story.
WARNING!
Anybody who wanted swastikas or hate symbols. Anybody clearly messed up. Anybody who couldn't pay.
One tat artist here, on another askreddit thread, said they love doing that since it means they are installing a warning label on the person who clearly needs a warning label.
Not saying you should do that I am saying I laughed at the mental image of a guy excited to slap a "threat. Threat. This one is a threat" label on someone.
Oh Hell No!
This was about 30 years ago. I was getting a tattoo and all of the sudden from another chair erupted a "get the freak out of here" and a lot of arguing about a tattoo being halfway done. Dude was getting a name tattooed with a date. Artist assumed it was a birthdate or something. The dude told the artist halfway through that it was the name of someone he killed and the date he killed her.
Space Needed
sexy guy GIFGiphyI know a tattoo artist who has a very firm rule about not tattooing hands or neck unless there's no more room left on the person. Always thought that was fair lol.
That Girl
Not a tattoo artist, but my friends are. The one that sticks out in mind was this cashmeousside type of 18 year old white girl went into his shop and asked him to tattoo her knuckles, neck, and do a full sleeve. The reason he denied it upfront is because he knew she was basically attempting to ruin her social life and be denied jobs forever just because of it.
I think I've decided, I want some ink on my back, or right shoulder blade. I'm thinking... Madonna, Adele, Buffy walking hand in hand as they walk Scooby-Doo. Who can draw that for me? Who will paint me? Send DMs... ;)
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No to Molly
stephen kings it clown GIFGiphyThe tattoo of a clown holding a gun smoking a joint on my leg. It was done when I was a ten in an apartment.
Antler Art
I don't know the exact English word but in German it's called "butt antlers". I'm not sure what it's actually supposed to represent but it kind of looks like you've got a deer inside your pants.
Now I want to see actual antlers tattooed as a tramp stamp.
<googles>
OK, no, I didn't really want to see that. I wouldn't click this if I were you.
http://www.tattoonow.com/gallery/tattoos/keyword/realistic~133/ass-antlers-by-chris-dingwell~36951
Kissed
Lips on the neck.
I get it, you're a gangster with an attitude problem and probably want to fight.
You get a lot of people with Albuquerque and the New Mexico State symbol tatted on them as well. ABQ is notorious for sh!tty tats... a lot of the work I've seen since living here is really bad honestly.
Joke's on You
heath ledger joker GIFGiphyNothing says "I've been to prison for cooking Meth in my trailer" like a Joker neck or face tattoo.
I knew a guy who got a green question mark because his name was Maurice and because of that song. I'm a joker, I'm a smoker, I'm a midnight toker. I am a comic book fan and told him that's the Riddler's symbol, the Joker's symbol, if any, is the Joker's face. He hung his head and was like, yeah, I know.
Uncouple Please
Couple tattoos like portraits or names. Mostly when they proudly tell you it's because they've been together for 5 months and just know they stay together forever.
The more crap a couple does to prove they're gonna be together forever, the less I believe they're gonna be together forever.
Yeehaw Fail
Sayings, especially ones that span multiple limbs/areas.
I was in the Army with a guy from Texas that thought he was hard as woodpecker lips. Had 'Cowboy The F Up' tattooed across his forearms (ostensibly so if he put his fists up to fight you, you would read it and... I don't know, be scared or something? He never got in any fights that I know of.) But due to the size he wanted it and sh!tty planning, one arm said COWBOY THE and the other arm simply read F UP. And he immediately became known as Cowboy, the f-up.
Oh Karna....
Just saw a couple of days ago a writing on some dude: "Karna isn't a witch" - just as I wrote it.
He's just expressing support for his friend Karna. She might not be a saint, but she isn't a witch.
To be fair, Karna is one of the most interesting characters of Mahabharata, a Sanskrit epic. Oh, and "Karna" literally translates to ear.
Sure hope his ear isn't a witch! :D
Stay with Adults
GiphyThose creepy faces of babies, which looks like there's a little demon on your body.
Baby face are so hard to get right. They don't have the same proportions as adults. Even drawings of babies are creepy 9/10 times.
The Neck Area
I once stood in line behind a lady who had, like, the bad tattoo parade going from the nape of her neck. She had "Only God Can Judge Me", something in Asian characters, and an ugly, faded, poorly drawn crucifix.
I hope the Asian part wasn't her name spelled out in katakana. Really common and really weird. Like you are worried about turning up unconscious in a lost-and-found in Tokyo and this is the only way they'll be able to identify you. All our names sound stupid in the katakana version.
Don't Phone My Home
Sci-Fi Movie GIF by MANGOTEETHGiphyWhen I was in college my friend was talking to some girl he worked with and she brought her very trashy, older friend.
The friend had a tattoo on her shoulder of a face. I said "you must really like E.T, that movie scared the crap out of me as a child." I was being honest, I thought it was E.T. It turns out that it was her daughter. Her daughter looked just like E.T.
How Lyrical?
Knew of a guy once who had "DUBSTEP" tattooed on his chest in VERY VERY large letters. He also insisted that dubstep was the future of music and was here to stay.
Even if it was here to stay, that's still a really stupid tattoo. It would look equally stupid to have POP or HIPHOP on your chest too.
Objection!
phoenix wright objection GIF by CheezburgerGiphyA defendant in the courtroom I clerked in during law school had "homicide" tattooed on his face, over his eyebrow. Not a great look.
Afterlife....
I work with the deceased. I've seen a direct correlation between "ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME" tattoos and being a victim of gunshot homicide. Juggalo tattoos don't bode well for MVAs. Tasmanian Devils go hand in hand with gastric bleeds from chronic alcohol consumption. The clinically depressed seemed to like dolphins.
A Gift
Tattoos that are gifts from you to someone else. For example "For your birthday, I got your birth date tattooed on me!"
And tattoos with spelling errors. Example "Were you really there if you think you were their?"
I thought tattoo presents were just... paying for your friend's tattoo. I'm glad I didn't know that, and wish I could unknow it.
Oh CB....
Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes peeing on stuff. Except the one from Hot Rod with one stream of urine going on the TV set and one going on the FM radio with an AM radio safely dry in the middle on a magic carpet.
Stamped...
stamp GIF by South ParkGiphyI have a tramp stamp that says "no regrets" in very fancy cursive. It's the only tattoo my dad laughed at rather than cringed. I can judge no one.
Body parts
Ones where the person gets a tattoo of someone using either their real nipple or belly button to replace the tattoo of a person's nipple or belly button (e.g. Buddha with real belly button). That is really damn gross, don't get one.
"oh... alright let me go get set up"
My first tattoo I went to get my daughter's name and her birthday. The guy tried so hard to talk me out of it and I couldn't understand why. He goes "man a name and date is just gonna turn into a bad memory one day". And then I realized he thought this was a girlfriend or something. Told him it was my kid and he goes "oh... alright let me go get set up" haha.
More related story. My daughter's mom (ex) has my name tattooed on her wrist and I laugh to myself every time I see her.
FAQs: "he thought you were dating a child??" No I can't imagine. Probably figured it was an anniversary or just didn't look to see what the date actually was.
"Lie to Me"
I'm a tattoo artist. Had a regular come into the shop, he was an older swinger type and my coworker tattooed him.
He got Pinocchio tattooed above his junk with his penis as the nose, and script that said "Lie to Me"
I try not to judge tattoos but I figured you'd all appreciate this one ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Edit: Obligatory "wow this blew up" edit. Thanks everyone for correcting my shrug ♥️
Know what you mean....
mark wahlberg no GIF by Daddy's HomeGiphyAny tattoo with something in Chinese or Japanese written on it. I am learning Japanese coz why not, and I saw this dude with a tattoo saying sakana (fish). I was like, hey what does that mean and he said poison. He may have typed poisson into Google translate lol.
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