People say the darndest things after -- and sometimes during -- lovemaking.
Maybe it's the euphoria.
Maybe it's the adrenaline.
Maybe it's the tequila.
It's always good to have a kind-hearted joke on hand or a generic compliment.
Or maybe just grab your belongings and skedaddle.
Redditor ella-es-julia wanted to hear about the craziest pillow talk stories, so they asked:
"Men of Reddit: What's the weirdest thing a girl said to you after sex?"
The weirdest I ever got was... "What city am I in again?"
Geography matters.
Morbid Much?
In Bed Home GIF
Giphy
"Met girl, went on date, brought girl home, had the sex, finished the sex, laying there she says 'What would you do if I died right now?' and demanded an actual answer."
Vixxay
Meow
"Not to me, but as she walked over to the bathroom after the deed, she said 'I just did your owner' to my cat. Sexiest thing that ever happened to me."
shlanky369
"My Fiancé and I were about to start going at it when the cat appeared from under the bed and stared at me. I went, 'Babe the cat is here. I don't like how he's staring at my boobs."
"Fiancé grabbed the cat and yeeted him into the hallway with the phrase, 'Get out you weird pervert.'"
"The cat proceeded to (without his claws) smack the door over and over again while screaming for a few minutes straight. Pervert."
Trumpet6789
POP!
"'I need you to take me to the hospital. Something is now bleeding and hurts.'"
"Turns out her ovarian cyst popped. We're still together with the running joke of sex so good it put her in the ER."
DasBatt
"Ah ah ah, 2 hemorrhagic cysts ruptured, I was bleeding internally, but only a little bit. I'm still impressed by how quickly you went from a naked sex stupor to being ready and carrying me to the car. Good times."
"In the ER when they asked me what happened all I could do was shout 'we were f**kin!' through my tears. That memory still makes me laugh."
Straystar-626
Damn it's Good
"We were going at it for some time then her face went instantly from 'damn it's good' to full-on crying. I stop, ask her what's wrong and she tells me 'I can't cheat on my boyfriend, it is wrong.'"
"So this is when I learned that the girl that I met on a dating website and that I started seeing 3 weeks before and that she told me she was single had a boyfriend for over 5 years. Got her to talk more, and she told me she was on the dating website to see if there were guys better than her boyfriend so she could end up with someone better."
"This was like 20 years ago, a coworker I have right now knows her (his girlfriend is like a distant relative of hers) and I learned she had 5 different boyfriends since then, cheated on all of them except the last one (for now). She was also a cam model in secret, one of the boyfriends was a high-paying customer."
draftstone
A Binding Contract
"'Pleasure doing sex business with ya.' We then shook hands."
"Still together 5 years later!"
Tatarstan
It's nice when people who have great sex make great partners.
And it all starts with a handshake.
Sleep on It
“'I don’t usually say this but, yeah, you can stay.'"
lennyukdeejay
"Did you high-five after that? Seems like that statement called for it."
EvilNinjaX24
"This is the best one."
TomKhatacourtmayfind
Tiny Dancer
"Not really weird but I slept with this girl while backpacking Asia, she was also a backpacker. After a bit of chillin'/talking, I got up to get dressed, she looked at my flaccid manhood and said 'You're quite shy when you're not excited.' I thought it was hilarious."
fleetwoodsackk
"That's a much better way to put it. My wife, when we were just dating and had moved in together and eventually saw it flaccid just said 'Aww, it's so little.' Thanks, hun, exactly what every guy wants to hear."
striker180
Fine!
"She said 'If I get pregnant I'm keeping it.' I was dumbfounded and when I didn't respond quickly enough she got really agitated like I had hurt her feelings and yelled 'Fine! You don't have to be involved if you don't want to!'"
"We had just met that night. My condom use skyrocketed after that night."
Fullyme
"When I was a poverty-stricken college student I was banging a girl who said, 'If you get me pregnant I’ll take you for everything you own.' I said, 'All I own is my bicycle. You want that?'”
OrwellWasRight101
Amen
"Best weird compliment I ever got was 'Damn boy, you f**k like the Devil!'"
"I married her, we still goin' at it."
BeBearAwareOK
Well, these certainly created some lasting relationships... or hilarious tales to tell their friends.
Do you have any stories to share? Let us know in the comments below.
"Redditors with SOs who talk in their sleep, what is the creepiest thing they've said?"
Double Entendre Maybe?
“'Steven'.”
"What?"
“'He’s coming out of the faucet'.”
"What?!"
“'STEVEN’S COMING OUT OF THE FAUCET!”'- pinnietans
You Get Used To It After A While
"I talk in my sleep."
"My wife has told me many stories."
"the best one hands down has to be when she was pregnant, she woke up with really bad heart burn and nausea."
"She tried to wake me up and tell me she's not feeling well."
"She tells me I legit said 'you know those feelings you are feeling? just turn them off' and fell back to sleep."
"I'm really lucky my wife knows I sleep talk and loves me."
"She doesn't hold anything i say like that against me, just teases me a lot."- CubbyNINJA
Speaking Metophorically?
"My SO informed me one morning that he had woken up in the middle of the night with my face inches from his, my finger in his ear and I was apparently whispering, 'I just need to get in, let me in!''- veenabaneena
Movie Love GIF by Lauren JenkinsGiphySurely They Think They're Worth More Than That?
"She said 'Don't leave me for $3'."- bf0caiig
... Be More Specific?
"My boyfriend once cupped my crotch in his sleep and said, 'Two out of five stars'.”- irish-ygritte
"Bug"ing Out...
"I come in to go to bed, lay down and am about to turn the bedside lamp off."
'Cue him turning over, eyes still shut, obviously still asleep."
'Don’t turn the light off'.”
"I’m confused now, 'why?'"
“'They need to see."
”'Now I’m freaking the f*ck out wondering who is in our bedroom that I haven’t noticed."
“'Who needs to see?'”
"'The bugs.'”
“'Why do the bugs need to see?'”
“'To read'.”
'This happened months ago and I still haven’t let it go."- BoldBupropion
Fox Artists On Tumblr GIF by Animation Domination High-DefGiphyAs Long As He Could Laugh About It.
"He did that sit straight up in bed thing that I thought only happened in movies then shouted 'they're coming for my skinnnn'."
"Chuckled then fell back asleep."- visionsofk
Not The Answer They Were Expecting
"My mother loves to still bring this story up, happened back during my 8th grade year of school."
"One morning she walked in to see if I was awake, so she asked 'are you awake?' to which I apparently said 'f*ck, I don't know is it meteors' all while dead asleep."- schrack
So Many Questions...
"Not SO, but a roommate, woke up the whole house shouting 'Where is the head?! Where is the head?!'."- lotnia
animation monday GIF by Tony BabelGiphyWho knows what's going through our partners minds when they begin talking in their sleep.
More often than not, they're probably in the midst of an intense dream or nightmare, and it's nothing to worry about in the grand scheme of things.
Should you ever hear your partner call out for "Ralph" however, you may have legitimate cause for concern...
Redditor RIPMexicanTraore was hoping people would be willing to share their 'best of' going to therapy wisdoms. So they asked everyone:
"What is the best thing you have heard/learned from therapy?"
In therapy... I learned I need more therapy.
Who Cares?
Eddie Murphy Whatever GIF by Coming to AmericaGiphy"People aren't nearly as concerned about everything I'm doing as I think they are. They're busy enough being self conscious about their own behaviors."
badatwinning
The Letdown
"When you place unexpressed expectations on someone, YOU are the one setting yourself up to be let down."
ksozay
"It’s not so much about low expectations as it is communicating your expectations."
"Let’s say it’s your first birthday as a couple. You expect your partner to plan a nice romantic getaway with just the 2 of you, and instead they plan a huge surprise party."
"You hate birthday parties, but since you never communicated that to them, they had no idea. So now you are stressed about all the attention, and they are disappointed that all their hard work is unappreciated. You can have high expectations for people, you just need to know that they aren’t mind readers."
Lahmmom
Mirror Image
"No one sees the version of you that you see of yourself."
Back2Bach
"I remember learning about this really neat thought experiment."
"First, think about the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you. Don't think too long or hard, just come up with something."
"Now, think of a close person in your life and imagine the most embarrassing thing that's happened to them."
"The second one takes a lot longer. We all think about ourselves - and critique ourselves - way more than we do to others."
making_mischief
Oh maaaaan...
"The brain isn't designed to keep us happy. It's designed to keep us alive."
angels_exist_666
"We're social creatures. We remember the embarrassing weird crap we've done better than our moments of glory so we can avoid doing that in the future in order to be more socially acceptable."
"I remember some embarrassing crap I did in first grade more than I remember some wonderful moments of this year."
Phayzon
"I still remember getting in the wrong bus in kindergarten and crying for a half hour thinking I'd never see my home again while the driver sorted everything out. Oh maaaaan."
tinyhorsesinmytea
Control Issues
GIF by VevoGiphy"Sometimes, when we procrastinate, it's because we need to feel control, even when the only thing we can control is choosing not to do something - even when it contributes to making our situation worse. Took me years to come to terms with that one."
jacobsadder
Control is an issue for everyone. We gotta loosen up.
Voices
Confused In My Head GIF by GraduationGiphy"Your internal monologue isn’t always reliable, especially when you are anxious or depressed."
BrideOfFirkenstein
Easy
"The fact that you are high functioning doesn't mean that your illness is easier for you to deal with, it means it's easier for others to deal with."
azulsonador0309
"I never thought about it that way."
"I always took some pride in the fact that I always remained as productive as possible no matter. I pretty much have an addiction to productivity because it distracts me from what I feel inside. I chase achievement, I chase greatness, I chase success because I feel it justifies the suffering of being alive."
"And that’s why I’ve been melting down these past few days. I’m at a point where years of hard work going unrewarded and years of almost unhealthily convincing myself to fight and move forward have finally broken me. I’m trying to tell myself to fight. I want to live a life where everyday is not a war for me, but I realize how far fetched it is."
Prudent-Ad-3482
Default Settings
"We seek what is familiar to us, even if it’s really unhealthy. There is a comfort in familiarity because it’s what we know/learned how to deal with."
GPQ70
"When stressed we go to our default setting. No matter how destructive that setting is we will FIGHT to get there."
"This was one of the hardest things for me. Because there is no way to know if you've reset your setting until you're stressed/uncomfortable. And if you find out you haven't its such a blow to your confidence. And the gains you thought you had made you now question."
Thats_what_im_saiyan
The Boogeyman
"When I start the negative self-talk, I was told to pretend I am talking to my wonderful and sweet 5yo little boy. I could never say the sh*t I say to myself to my son. The therapist told me to envision someone telling my boy what I say to myself and how would I react. It was eye-opening as to how we are our own worst boogeyman."
CaptainCacoethes
Changes
the office therapy GIFGiphy"Remember that change is inevitable. Nothing ever stays the same. The only constant in life is change."
"Some changes are swift and brutal for example bereavement. Others are more subtle like the changing seasons. So with this in mind I've always loved Arnold Bennett's quote... That any change, even a change for the better is always accompanied with setbacks and discomfort."
reiveroftheborder
Therapy is key. We all need it ad all we have to do is ask for help.