I have been left utterly bewildered by what some people believe is acceptable thought, conversation, and behavior.
Like... "Do YOU hear you?"
It shows when a person lacks life experience and/or brain cells.
Words expose everything.
And sometimes shock is all that is left to grapple with.
Redditor nlwfty wanted to hear about all the things people have overheard that left them utterly stunned, so they asked:
"What's the most out-of-touch thing you've heard someone say?"
I once a friend's friend moan about how she and her husband were nearly destitute.
Almost penniless.
All while she was straightening up the house for the new au pair they had just gotten from Columbia.
The Who?
Over It Maid GIF
Giphy
"My boss once told me to have 'the maid' drop my car at the shop. WTF!!"
amboomernotkaren
Be Happy
"'You won't be happier at work if we pay you more, but we need to figure out why workplace happiness is so low.' This coming from a guy that made 10x what I did and was born into old money."
Dirac_comb
"I had a job that was paying below market rates and 'expected' daily overtime (unpaid, natch) and was trying to figure out how to improve morale. They were considering bringing in consoles and having video game nights after work... as if we weren't stuck there too long already."
"I did have the fun of leaving, then being asked to come back as a contractor to help out, and taking advantage of being on a short-term contract and giving no f**ks to suggest that maybe they should consider at least TRACKING the overtime people were working, even if they weren't going to pay for it since there was probably a whole extra job's worth of hours in there and maybe hiring another person might improve morale and reduce the risk of the kind of errors tired people make."
"Didn't stay long as a temp. Apparently telling the truth and discussing facts with your co-workers isn't good for morale >_< They told everyone I was leaving because I got a better offer (!), but I told everyone exactly what was really happening when they asked XD."
princess_ferocious
It hasn't?
"My dad (who is now the Director of Accounting for the school district I teach for) was talking about how my starting pay was way more than his starting pay."
"I said, 'Well, yeah... The cost of living has increased a ton since then.' This motherf**ker straight up said, 'No it hasn't.'"
"He started working there in 1992. This conversation happened in like 2017 (about a year after I started working there). Again, he is the director of accounting."
pjsans
Move On
"'You seem sad.'"
"My mother to my sister, at her husband's funeral."
blarg-zilla
"My sister's son was murdered. Two weeks later my mom asked her if she was over it yet."
NeverCallMeFifi
"One of my sons was murdered 12 years ago. Many people started telling me that I needed to 'move on' after 4-6 weeks. My brother refuses to say my son's name, so I no longer speak to him. Sending my deepest condolences to your family from a mom who understands losing a child to homicide."
PDXer328
Good Idea!
New Girl Facepalm GIF by HULU
Giphy
“'I don’t know why people get big mortgages. Just save up for a few months and pay cash for a starter home!'"
Hopeful-Moose87
People with money always seem to have a plan, unless the plan is sharing.
FInd the Treasure
Dragons Den Television GIF by CBC
Giphy
"When people were complaining about not being able to afford housing/food/living in general, one of the Dutch ministers (I think he was a minister or at least the leader of a party) said something along the line of 'well, find a rich boyfriend then'. ah, yes, that will solve the crisis!"
pastelchannl
Dumbfounded
"I went to an Ivy League college with lots of children of extraordinarily wealthy families. When discussing inequality and its effects on housing, my professor briefly mentioned how mortgages are out of reach for a growing number of Americans. The girl next to me stopped the class, and with a confused face asked the professor why people don’t just buy their homes in cash outright because 'surely the interest means it will cost them more over time.' The professor was dumbfounded. I found out later that she is the heiress to a major luxury brand that you have all heard of."
wildblue2
The Increase
"My former landlord and his wife dropped by to tell me and my financially struggling 20-something roommates that they were raising the rent, by nearly 25%. They said, 'We noticed on Craigslist that neighbors had higher rent so we’re doing the same.' The wife then earnestly reminded us that we’ve been great tenants but maybe we just needed to find some higher-paying jobs. 🙃."
agingcatmom
Not Me
"I was waxing a woman’s eyebrows once and she was complaining that sometimes after she gets a massage the pillow leaves a circular indent on her face and she can’t go out to lunch after. She then asked me if that ever happened to me? I was like ma'am I wax people for eleven bucks an hour; I’m not going out to lunch lol, let alone getting massages."
lomi08
Investments
Money Invest GIF by ProBit Global
Giphy
"Something like: Give a rich person $500 and they will invest it into $1000. Give it to a poor person and they will spend it in a week."
"Yeah exactly give it to someone who’s needs are met and they can save… give it to someone who needs to eat/pay rent etc they will spend it to survive!"
ExaminationLucky6082
You need money to make money.
One of life's biggest lessons apparently.
So someone give me some money.
Redditor Churbuddahbread wanted to hear from the people who believe they have lived through meeting other life forms, so they asked:
"People of Reddit who have been abducted by aliens. What’s your story?"
I have no alien stories.
Apparently, they don't want me.
I don't want them either.
NO!
alien GIFGiphy"Not sure if this was a dream or not but I remember being in some kind of craft facing towards one of the walls. I felt a presence behind me and was so scared I couldn’t move at all. Then out of nowhere I suddenly felt completely at ease. To my left out of the corner of my eye, I could see a big being that almost looked like a large tardigrade behind some kind of control panel."
"I turned to see another being. (Can’t really remember what this one looked like) but I remember asking if I could ask some questions. I then received a reply which came from within my own head. 'No' And that’s all I remember."
Churbuddahbread
It wasn't there before
"My brother-in-law says he was abducted. Don't know too much except he was out in the woods walking around. He was gone overnight. He never does that without letting somebody know that at least, he's leaving. He was found the next morning completely stunned. On shock. He could barely talk."
"He never really said what happened. He won't talk about it. He said only, that they performed examinations on him. His right foot now has what I can only describe as a birthmark on his right foot. It wasn't there before. That I know!! It wasn't there!! Now he's got a deep purple mark that covers most of his foot.? Wtf??"
Lazy-Lawfulness3472
In the middle of the night...
"They took me in the middle of the night. I was out feeding the cattle under the moonlight and then a big light came over me. The next thing I knew, I was driving down the road talking to what I later realized was my father. Or... the person whose body I am now in’s father. He made a joke about the time being slow and he had seen an episode of XFiles that mentioned that time reverses when aliens abduct so they can drop you off at the same time as they picked you up."
"Except I think they mixed something up because I am not in the same body I left in. I still remember my whole life before but I am 18 years younger in this body so I don't really mind... But a few years after the incident, I went to see if the farm I once lived on was still there, but it took me a while to get there without suspicion. It's gone. Like it never stood. Maybe it was all just a dream."
Biggmamaaa
The sun is up
"One of my old high school friends believes she was abducted when we were in our teens. She said that one evening she was hanging out in bed, drawing in her sketchbook. A pair of lights like headlights on a car caught her eye out the window, but when she looked properly she could see that the lights were higher up above the road than they should have been, and there was no noise."
"The lights continued getting closer to her apartment building and eventually shone right into her window. She blinked, and the next thing she knew, she was lying down in bed under the covers and the sun was coming up."
CosmicJellyroll
Hybrids
"I was genuinely abducted by aliens. I was driving at night on my own down the M62 motorway in the UK around 3 am for a job I was working. The next thing I know, it's 5 am. 2 hours had gone nowhere. I thought I was going or mad at something and when I got home I went to bed."
"Anyways, when in bed I dreamed about what happened and it came back to me. On the alien craft, they put me in a room and I was lying on the floor... Then they put an injection into my arm which was this red, rusty-like liquid. I think this was to monitor me."
"Every few weeks or so I'll wake up in the morning at 5 am and I know I've been back there, but can never remember it. Sometimes I get a feeling that I've been visited or am about to be visited. It's not fun and nobody believes me, but what they're doing is using our genetic makeup to populate other planets with hybrid beings."
iLikeGingerGirlslol
It's always a joke until someone gets abducted by aliens.
Quick as That...
Kate Mckinnon Snl GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy"It went from daylight to dark in a blink, my mom walked by where I should have been if I was asleep, but I wasn't there apparently, and I'll never forget that. Maybe it was aliens, never figured it out. When I was 7 or 8, during the summer, mid-day around noon. I'm home sitting by the door, looking into the lagoon waiting for my mom to come home. I blink and it's now nighttime. Quick as that."
"No fatigue, no sleep, just a blink. Hours have gone by and I'm sitting in the same spot, wide awake, except it's dark out. Just a blink. My mom is in the kitchen making food and playing music. When I go in, she asks where I was. I told her, sitting in front of the door waiting for her to come home."
"She didn't believe me and chalked it up to being a kid's joke, she's been home for hours now and assumed I was at my friend's house a couple of houses over. After that, I had a tiny lump on my right shin under my skin. I could roll it around a little with my fingers. It dissolved after about 2 months. If a BB pellet is 4.6 mm, it was probably like 1.3mm."
BYNCody
Therapy
"I actually had a therapist who treated people for their trauma from alien abductions. I’m not kidding and I’m not suggesting I really believed they were abducted. I’m not sure she even did but she seemed to suggest to me that if they felt traumatized by something that happened to them, she would help them."
Turbulent_End_2211
4
"You know I have been saying this since I was about 4. Somebody took me. I've always pointed to a spot on my calf that I've always thought it was a scar from a foreign insertion. But I have zero recollection of anything. And at 4 I was too young to make it up or even know the word alien. But my mom would always say the same thing no matter what, it's a growing pain. We could have been dying and that was her come back."
AssumptionAdvanced58
A Light Sleeper
"Not my story, but my Father in law swears he was abducted on a camping trip in the Northern Appalachians with about 4 other people. They hiked up near a lake and set up a campsite, and set up camp. He says they all remember swimming, then eating dinner but no one remembers cleaning up camp or going into their tents."
"They woke up about 10 yards away from their original site, in the exact formation that they had set up the camp, but all of the little stuff was in the same spot and there was no fire in the middle of the original area but not in the new one. They pulled out a measuring tape my FIL had in his backpack from work and measured the distance between the stakes of the tent poles and it was the EXACT distance between all of the tent poles from where they originally were and the new area."
"And before anyone says anything, my FIL is a super light sleeper( according to my MIL) and doesn't drink or do drugs, has no history or symptoms of mental illness, and was the first one awake. He still refuses to go hiking on that trail to this day, it's an easy hike so he isn't trying to be lazy and get out of it."
preggomuhegggggo
Fascinations
"I believe I have been abducted multiple times. Probably about once every two or three years since I was eight. I have been examined, but nothing invasive was ever done and the extraterrestrials seemed genuinely curious about humans. More often it is just an interview via telepathy about how I am feeling and how things are going."
"The last abduction was about six months ago. I remember waking up, seeing figures through my bedroom window make their way into my home, never waking my girlfriend or dogs, and leading me out to their craft. One even seemed fascinated with one of my dogs, but I sort of thought how angry and hurt I would be if anything happened to that dog and he backed away."
Termi89
Still Shaken
James Cameron Aliens GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphy"Not my story, it's my dad's, he gets a little shaky and doesn't like talking about it when it's brought up. When he was about 15 he and his friend did the childhood tradition of camping in the backyard. Everything seemed pretty much normal and they went to bed at around midnight. Shortly after falling asleep, they both woke up in a state of extreme disorientation and mental fog 2.5 miles away from his house in a empty grass field."
"When he checked his watch it was 4 AM with no recollection of what happened those 4 hours. There was no alcohol or drugs involved. He never let me camp in our backyard growing up so I have a slight distaste for our extraterrestrial neighbors."
UrbanDowntown
This is why alien movies still freak me out.
I can't do them, just in case.
Do you have any stories? Let us know in the comments below.
Redditor FIeshEatingPineappIe wanted to hear about what everyone has found appetizing when eating on a budget, so they asked:
"What cheap meals helped you save money through tough times?"
Bonkers
Hungry Food GIF by TescoGiphy"I managed to grow a pile of tomatoes last season (I only had 2 plants but they went bonkers) so cooked the majority of them up into spaghetti sauce and froze it. I'm still eating through it."
WaluigisFacialHair
Basics
"Ramen. PB&J sandwiches. Spam rice and eggs. Stewed/roasted chicken leg quarters with root vegetables. Learning how to bake sucked at first but it's really cost-effective money-wise cooking from scratch. Lately, I've been roasting/braising a full pork shoulder (I stock up when it's on sale)."
"Shred and freeze what I can't eat quickly. works really well with rice and beans (roll it up in a tortilla you got yourself a burrito. Put in ramen with an egg. Or with some stir-fried veggies with soy sauce and rice. Or as a gravy with pasta. It's really versatile."
aznkidjoey
Write this Down
"Lentil soup. A bag of dried lentils costs like a buck at a cheap grocery store and will cook you like three very filling meals worth of lentil soup. Unlike most dried legumes, they cook for 30-40 minutes of boiling. And pretty much any savory vegetable or cheese will go well with it."
"There are many ways to spice it. My favorite simple, ultra-cheap way is like 1 cup of dried lentils boiled until cooked and water is sufficiently absorbed, 1 tsp each curry, garlic, and onion powder, a finely cut carrot, a tsp of vinegar or a dash of lemon, and a Tbsp of parmesan cheese. That's like a 50-cent meal that's very high in protein, fiber, and vitamins."
"The carbs are also slow burning, low glycemic-load, complex carbs. If you wanna get fancier use fresh garlic and onion and add some herbs and feta cheese. The hot sauce works amazing with it too. Never hurts to add a can of diced tomatoes either. If you do that though you don't really need the vinegar/lemon."
Yak-F**ker-5000
Under $10
"Spaghetti. My mother would be able to feed all of us for under $10. Pasta, cheaper grade prepackaged beef and a jar of sauce. On really tight days, she’d just cook straight pasta and mix in some garlic and that powdered Parmesan cheese."
"So when I grew up and was trying to save money, I did the same. Pasta sauce freezes very well. I would make a huge pot of sauce and freeze it in bags and then I’d just have to cook single portions of pasta which cost next to nothing."
I_like_Birds56
All. The. Time
rabbit eating GIFGiphy"Oatmeal all day every day."
Klappersten
"I recently discovered savory oats and it was life-changing. I'm not a fan of sweet breakfasts but wanted to eat more oats. It's comfort food for me now."
BeagleGal39
Oatmeal is not just cheap but nutritious.
And it's surprisingly filling.
And a bit of Grog
middle ages fun GIF by Kajetan ObarskiGiphy"Bread, apples, and cheese. You feel like you're in a medieval movie or something and you can supplement with a bowl of hearty soup or stew."
Early_Yesterday_6819
Stretch it Out
"Rice with seared cabbage and a fried egg. I slice it pretty thin and throw it in a ripping hot pan with a touch of oil. It should get slightly charred but still be crunchy."
DruidicBoogaloo
"Love seared cabbage. A sprinkle of sugar improves the flavor and takes away some of the cabbagey smell. Whatever you're eating, I promise seared cabbage tastes good either in it or beside it. Great way to stretch a meal."
notreallylucy
"Half an onion and a slice of chopped bacon with half or a quarter head of cabbage all fried up in a wok or a CI pan is an amazing meal or side and cost practically pennies."
edthach
All for a Dollar
"In college, I ate peanut butter on toast for breakfast and .99$ bean burrito from a taco stand next door to my apartment for dinner."
Scuta44
"I used to get those El Monterey burritos in college. I still vividly remember the day they went from a 10-pack for $2.50 to an 8-pack for $3.50. I was literally starving at the time and it made my f**king heart sink. Those same packs of burritos are almost $6 now and the burritos are markedly smaller."
Spez_Guzzles_
All Day, Everyday
"Pancakes. Veeeery cheap and soul food on top of that, which should not be neglected when going through hard times. Just some ground Hazelnuts and sugar as filling, delicious. Noodles with vegetables. Fry the vegetables in a pan, season them, and mix it with noodles. Simple, healthy, and also very cheap."
DukeManbert
"Pancakes for dinner was our go-to when stretching another day to payday. Also, chips and salsa. We used to keep a pound of ground beef in the freezer for end-of-the-month nachos. Fried spaghetti noodles can be a quick meal too. Pre-cooked noodles fried in butter and lemon juice."
JohnYCanuckEsq
Portion Control
3d character GIF by FabricioLimaGiphy"Rice stretches out anything. I've made many a sad a**hole meal out of a small portion of food atop a bowl of rice."
ArghNooo
"You can actually make some really cheap meals with some veggies and rice that are delicious AF. It's a bit of an upfront cost for the right spices but it'll save you a boatload in the end."
tinyhorsesinmytea
I put rice in everything.
And it is a life saver for finances and diet.
"People who were in a real home invasion situation, what was it like and what did you do?"
He Didn't Know Who He Was Dealing With...
Dude came knocking on the front door and my mom and I ignored it."
"I was about 10 and my mom didn’t want to answer the door to a stranger."
"He knocked a while then went around the back and hopped the gate to try the back door."
"My mom got her gun and opened the back door with it visible, right before he tried to smash the glass."
"He took off running and was arrested on B&E charges the next day after he broke into someone else’s apartment and couldn’t run."- SilverSunrises
It's Always Lunch Money That Gets Stolen First...
"Was in 7th grade home alone after a half day when suddenly there was very hard knocking on my back door."
"I knew immediately something was off because we never have visitors and my father did not knock like that, and froze up in my room."
"I peak out of my room (right in front of back door) and suddenly it's quiet so I go back to my room."
"AS SOON as I close my door I hear glass shatter."
"Turned off my computer and TV and dove under my bed."
"For the next 40 minutes I hear him thrashing around my living room and parents room, then hear them leave."
"During this I'm on call with the cops who think I'm PRANK CALLING THEM and take 70 minutes to finally come over."
"The station is 3 streets away from my house."
"They come and investigate only to find out it was our next door neighbor that broke in and was actually looking for drug money, as it turns out the previous person to live here did at-home haircuts and sold weed on the side."
"The neighbor was arrested and his family moved out a week later."
"THE ONLY THING THIS GUY TOOK WAS MY LUNCH MONEY I LEFT ON A COUNTER OUTSIDE FOR THE NEXT DAY."- level 1Ogletreb
whatever you say bully GIFGiphyThey Actually Apoligized...
"Four guys knocked on my buddies door at 11pm."
"He lived with a bunch of other guys so this wasn’t anything new."
"They burst in and held a gun to his neck and demanded the drugs."
"He stammered that there weren’t any drugs but they could take what they wanted."
"One guy held him there with the gun as the others searched the house."
"Since they didn’t find anything they realized they had the wrong house and left."
"As they were leaving the last guy said ‘sorry, this wasn’t my idea'."- discostud1515
A Gun Needs No Explanation
"My in-laws were home when a young guy broke into their house."
"They don’t speak English very well so my FIL, in the clearest English he could muster loudly said, 'Get me my gun!''
"At that point the intruder left in a hurry."- TheManInTheShack
Could Have Used The Teethmarks As Evidence...
"I was at my friend’s place when it happened to him."
"We were both teenagers then."
"The guy thought everyone was sleeping and he got startled when he saw us, he bit my friend (his arm required stitches from the bite) and ran away."
"No idea who the guy was or what he wanted, never happened again and we never saw the guy again."- Melancholic84·
He Should Have Chosen Which House More Carefully...
"Tackled the guy."
"The hardest I’ve ever hit someone, and I’m a pretty big guy with a football background."
"But he didn’t see me coming."
"It felt very much like a do or die moment so I didn’t hold anything back."
"Broke a few of his bones, messed up his face, and got him sentenced to 6 years."- The_SunDancer
Still Had To Replace That TV...
"Not me, but my aunt."
"She was at home alone in her backyard making food, and when she walked into the living room, she saw a couple of men in the middle of carrying out the tv."
"It seems that they didn’t think anyone was at home; they got surprised, dropped the tv, and ran out after she started screaming."- RitaSaluki
Feline Intuition
"I was in bed asleep at 7am when I heard a loud bang."
"I thought nothing of it because of the large cat tree I have downstairs that's always getting knocked over, so I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep."
"Not long after my elderly cat comes running into my bedroom, jumps up on the bed and tries to hide under the blankets."
"This immediately woke me up because that old fat cat hadn't ran nor jumped on our bed for years."
"As I came two I see two men coming up my stairs."
"At that point it felt like time stopped and somehow ran incredibly fast at the same time."
"I jumped out of bed and started screaming 'GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY HOUSE!' and I remembered thinking while chasing these guys through my house and screaming again and again at the top of my lungs that my voice sounds exactly like my brother and I wondered how strange that was.""I tackled one of them on my front lawn, but he struggled free and got away."
"I saw the get away car and tried to keep repeating the license number, but it faded away in my mind as I was repeating it."
'I remember vividly being so mad at myself that I couldn't remember 7 numbers, and how stupid I was for not grabbing my phone! "
"Looking back on the situation there are so many things that happened that I never noticed, like how I fractured my arm slamming into the wall at the bottom of my stairs, and that I cut my feet up on the splintered wood of my front door."
"The adrenaline rush of a true fight or flight situation is something so strange it's almost impossible to accurately describe."
"The sense of time, not being aware of pain and injuries for hours, and the hyper focus on some details but the complete loss of others."
"Luckily I wasn't seriously hurt and nothing was stolen, but I installed cameras all over my house the very next day."- robot_boat_loan
camera surveillance GIF by MOST EXPENSIVESTGiphySometimes Size Does Matter...
"Girlfriend and I were sleeping in bed, some dummy broke into our apartment, ran real quick when he saw how big my naked a** was."- Croceyes2
FIVE DAYS?!?!
"Blocked the doors when it became clear that someone was trying to break in."
"My husband and I were staying with a friend and her husband; her step son and elderly mother in law were also in the house."
"Someone had heard the old lady had jewelry and decided to try their luck."
"We heard this later through the town grapevine."
"Said person then escalated to trying to kick his way in through the windows (they were leaded)."
"My husband called the police while my friend tried to keep the gap and child calm and her husband and I screamed a lot and sort of flailed at the protruding feet with pokers from the old fireplace."
"On realizing there were more of us than there were of him, he ran off."
"Good thing too; the police never showed."
"They called 5 days later to see 'if we still needed their assistance'."
"Bloody useless."
"In comparison 6 months later I arrived at work to discover the door and cash drawer had been jimmied and the £50 float nicked and they were over and taking fingerprints inside the hour."
"I wonder why trust in the police is so low."
"Total mystery."- Haunting-blade
It's a hard call to decide which is worse, being in the house while it's being burgled, and potentially saving your valuables, or being out and losing them.
Either way, it's a terrible situation no one deserves to be in.
Making the notion of buying a security system and bolts for your doors seem better with every passing second.
A deleted Redditor wanted to discuss the most shockingly simple knowledge we acquire later in life. So they asked everyone:
"What basic, children's-age-level fact did you only find out embarrassingly later in life?"
I'm still processing the fact that Elton John isn't singing to young Tony Danza.
The more you know.
Smorn
Sorry Good Morning GIF by PEEKASSOGiphy"Not me, but in college my buddy asked me how to spell 'smorning' because his phone didn't recognize it as a word. He then goes on to say 'you know, like 'the smorning.' I ask, "do you mean 'this morning??'"
InfernoCBR
Dirty Snow
"I lived in a desert most of my life. No snow. Before my recent experience, I had spent maybe a total of 5 days of my life in snow, and the snow I was in was incredibly light. Because of this I always pictured snow as eternally white and ethereal, like in all the cartoons I'd watched as a kid."
"Went to spend time with my partner's family back in the Midwest in early February. I was absolutely enchanted on my first day of the two week stint. Then I watched what happened as the snow stayed around. And I got to see black ice and the nasty gray/brown snow blocks on the side of the road."
"I suppose I should have KNOWN snow got dirty and tracked over and nasty but I didn't. Robbed the childhood wonder and whimsy right from under my nose."
Happy 19TH!!
"I was baking a cake in my dorm for my 19th birthday. My friends were running around and being loud so I yelled at them to stop because I didn’t want them to ruin the cake. They looked at me like I had two heads so I had to explain that my siblings and I were always taught that making loud noises or running around a kitchen when something was baking would make it fall. I was surprised they had never learned that baking rule."
"Yeah turns out that was made up to stop kids from running and being loud for a couple hours when baking was being done. I called my mom up to ask her about it and both she and my grandma were just as shocked as I was to find out it’s a myth, so apparently at least 3 generations have believed and followed that rule."
rakedleaves
Damn Ma!
"My mother used to feed me 'dark green lettuce' as salads, I loved it even when I was a kid."
"I think I was 17 and I had a friend over for dinner, asked my mom for seconds of dark green lettuce."
"Friend looks at me, 'Uh, you mean spinach?'"
"Moms had been fooling me my whole life."
Marutar
Pecking Order
"I thought Robins (the birds) came out of hibernation at Christmas time because that's when you see them on cards and stuff in the UK. I did not realise for an verrrry long time that you in fact see them all the time, like normal birds."
bos_well_
I can't recall ever seeing a Robin. I may not be looking hard enough.
Get a Dill
Dance Dancing GIF by WoodblockGiphy"One day I had a lightbulb moment. 'Pickling is a process! You can pickle anything. SO WHAT ARE PICKLES?!?' I was gonna blow so many minds with this question. Turns out, it’s cucumbers. And everyone on the planet knew that, except me."
Goatpuppy
'Turn your head'
"I was in my mid 30s before I realized that the 'turn your head' part of 'turn your head and cough' was so that you didn't cough on the damned doctor. I always thought it must've flexed some particular muscle or something, I don't know. To my credit, I am a man and I don't think I've ever had to do that."
RaceCeeDeeCee
The Half Left
"My great-grandfather had half a pinkie on his left hand and always said it was because he liked to use it to sop up leftover pancake syrup and had worn it down to a nub. This made sense to me because I'd seen him do that plenty of times."
"I was so embarrassed to be in college before I realized that was ridiculous and finally asked him what really happened."
"In reality, he and my uncle had been working in their blacksmith shop, and my uncle accidentally brought a sledgehammer down on his pinkie. He didn't want to traumatize me with the truth as a kid, but by the time I asked, I was more than old enough to handle it."
EducatedOwlAthena
Balloons...
"When I was 4 or 5 my mother brought me home a balloon one day. Plain blue balloon with helium. I accidentally let it go and it flew away. Being little, I was devastated. Later that night she comes back from somewhere and tells me she was at the gas station and miraculously, my balloon just came floating by."
"Being a kid I was thrilled and totally believed it. So fast forward 20+ years. I’m on a date and we stop to get gas and we see a balloon floating by the gas station. Probably hadn’t thought of that story again in all that time."
"So I start telling my date the story about how I had a balloon fly away and then my mother found the very same balloon at a gas station and then as I’m saying it out loud I realize (too late to not look like an idiot) that of course it wasn’t the same freaking balloon. I’ve never seen someone laugh so hard."
Bonzi777
Shocked
Idiot Facepalm GIFGiphy"For years I had been removing toast from the toaster by sticking a butter knife in and picking it out. It wasn't until I was 20 that my girlfriend freaked out when I started doing it that I learned metal in toaster = bad. Guess I'd been pretty lucky."
shallowwaters
Ok. To be fair, I've done that toaster trick before.
But now I have a toaster oven. All good.