Cold Please.
Giphy"Is the ice cream served cold?"
Usually as a waiter, I can game-face almost anything, but there's no way my face didn't read "...the hell you just say?" InspectorDerp
Bye Mike!
I was out with friends once at a restaurant and we asked the waiter how the rack of ribs was. He replied "They are excellent" in a firm, confident tone. So I ordered them, while my friend Mike decided on something else. We get the food, the ribs are great, I shared a rib with Mike, he loved it. But when the waiter comes back to ask how everything was, Mike (being a Mike) says this crap:
"Well I would've ordered the ribs if I'd known they were gonna be that good" and the waiter looks at him bug-eyed and yelled, literally yelled "I SAID THEY WERE EXCELLENT. WHAT WOULD'VE CONVINCED YOU, 'EXCELLENT PLUS'?! WAS THAT THE ANSWER YOU NEEDED?!"
We left that guy a damn good tip and have never let Mike forget it. JeffTheComposer
That Mouse....
I work IT, asked a person if her mouse was wired or wireless. She said "How am I supposed to know THAT?! This is YOUR job!" KhaosElement
Tell her to grab the mouse and start walking away from the computer and see how far she can get lol. Heffeweizen
Why do I have to pay a late fee?
I worked at Blockbuster Video in 2004 for six months. I had three unrelated incidents, but the words and tone of all three were uncannily identical. They answered the question immediately before asking it... AND THEY STILL DIDN'T KNOW THE ANSWER:
"Yeah, I know my movie was late... Why do I have to pay a late fee?" ApexInTheRough
Target?
GiphyI live in a very popular tourist town.
"Is there anything to do around here? We've already seen the Walmart." echo6golf
Who?
A friend once asked my other friend who was a history teacher, "What was the president's reaction to JFK's assassination." IFapToHentai42069
His mind was blown. Soviet__Comrade
To Be Mixed....
"Did you choose to be half Asian?"
Yes, this was an actual question that was asked of me.
I'm half Japanese and I look vaguely white/Asian. So no, I did not choose. I was born looking like a mix between a white person and an Asian person. Cheetodude625
"oh that makes sense."
My sister once asked me if the humans killed all the Homo sapiens because they were stupid.
Also when she found out that you need more stamps to mail a big package, she asked how many stamps it would take to mail a car. My dad told her 50 as a joke and she just nodded her head and said "oh that makes sense."
She was in college when she asked both of these questions. Sam-1229
Give me my free cone.
I used to work at Ben & Jerry's. Someone came in at least once a month with a Baskin Robbin's coupon. Usually politely told them they were in the wrong place, then point to the b&j sign on the opposite wall if they looked confused.
One woman tried to argue it with me.
Her: This is baskin robins. Give me my free cone.
Me: I'm afraid not. Sorry. This is B&J, and we don't take competitor's coupons.
Her: I think I know where I am. This is definitely Baskin Robbins.
Me: Then why am I wearing a B&J apron? Sethrial
Shave the Ice....
GiphyOnce a classmate, this was on year 10 or year 11, asked me how I had managed to put ice into a plastic bottle. A friend of mine proceeded to tell her that there were youtube tutorials on cut open and glue the bottle back together and that it was super easy. ritsload
Do you have something to confess to George? Text "Secrets" or "
" to +1 (310) 299-9390 to talk to him about it.
No, it's a 3.
My friend and I went to a gas station while out cruising around and she bought some munchies. She put a five on the counter and the cashier stared down at it like she'd never seen such a thing exist, and asked, without moving...
"Is that a 5?"
To this day I have no idea why she was so flummoxed by a five dollar bill sitting next to her cash register.
As opposed to...?
GiphyA: Where can I find a security guard?
Me: Security is located in the pavilion over there. They can be reached 24 hours a day.
A: What if I need them at night?
At least they were trying to be helpful.
*Trying to move one of those big, multi purpose weight machines, and they noticed it's set to its heaviest setting*
"Why don't we set it to its lightest setting so it'll be lighter?"
To their credit, they realized about ten seconds later why that was a dumb question.
It's the same thing!
I used to work in retail when I was 16.
I was cashiering when a woman came up and gave me a coupon for 20% off the total purchase. When I told her the total she seemed displeased and asked me, "did it take 20% each item or the entire total?" And I had to desperately explain to her that it's the exact same thing.
The city of Florida.
My mom asked me if Florida is in California. We're Canadian and she's been to both states.
I completed a doctoral degree with someone who thought Alaska was an island because that's how it looks on maps. We live in the continental US.
Fair answer though.
I was the one asking the stupid question. When I was like 12 I was at a taco food truck at the county fair and my options were either a shrimp or chicken taco. I meant to ask "is there a difference in price" because the fair always gets ya and instead I only said "what's the difference?"
The lady said "Well one's shrimp and one's chicken."
And I felt stupid.
Um, what?
GiphyI am quite tall in comparison to the average height of where I live.
A coworker: "Don't you think you are being a bit inconsiderate, being so tall?"
I still don't know what they were trying to say.
....yes?
I was talking to someone and mentioned that I had visited Japan the previous year.
"Oh, is that where Japanese people come from?"
I was taken aback for like 3 seconds before I stammered out a yeah.
What's the logic here?
I have two roommates. We split the cost of household supplies (toilet paper, paper towels, garbage bags, etc) I recently went to Target and bought these things. Divided the cost by 3 and told everyone what I was doing.
One of them asked if this meant she "gets money back" because she had just venmo'd me January's rent. this is just one of many insanely stupid questions she has asked.
Kids say the darndest things.
GiphyWhen I was teaching at an elementary one of my 5th graders asked me if I knew when people and things stopped being black and white and changed into color.
February 30th.
Client called at 8am, livid, and said "You guys are a terrible company that can't even build a calendar app right, I tried to make a booking for 30 February and couldn't even find it. Tell me how do I make a booking for 30 Feb if it only displays till 29 Feb?"
Google squared.
"If you look up Google on google does it bring you to Google google?" This person was dead serious and that was the day I lost faith in humanity.
It's a superpower.
Giphy"Can you take off your glasses?"
"Yes... I can?" *Takes them off*
"I never knew you can take glasses off"
Fair point.
I'm colorblind and was telling a girl in my gym class about this.
Me: "Yeah, I've been told that I'm red-green color blind, according to my eye doctor."
Girl: "So, are the other colors the same for you as they are for me?"
Me: "I wouldn't know, I've never seen what they look like for you."