Content warning: The following article contains stories about sexual harassment that might prove distressing for some readers.
Sexual harassment is defined as behavior characterized by the making of unwelcome and inappropriate sexual remarks or physical advances in a workplace or other professional or social situation.
Sexual harassment affects both men and women but women are sadly more often on the receiving end of unwelcome behavior and advances.
Should it surprise us then that so many have stories about really aggressive behavior they've experienced from men, from total strangers to people they actually know?
Women shared their stories with us after Redditor ExpressAware asked the online community,
"Women of Reddit, what is the grossest thing a man has said to you?"
"When I was 18..."
"When I was 18 I worked at a gas station mostly staffed by women. One of my coworkers was pregnant. We had a regular customer who came in a windowless van who would harass us constantly. He would hit on us and leer at us and sit in the parking lot in his creepy abductor van and catcall us if we were out sweeping the parking lot while he drank his coffee."
"The worst thing I heard him say was to my pregnant coworker. He asked her when she was going to have his baby."
"Our manager heard it and came down hard on him. She started screaming in his face (and to paint the picture he was a tall lanky guy and she was a short stout lesbian with a butch haircut) and she banned him from the store.
"He huffed that he'd take his business elsewhere and she scoffed at him that his two coffee refills a day weren't going to break us and that she would not stand for him harassing her girls. That manager was a rockstar, she always had our backs."
sai_gunslinger
Can we all just hug your manager? She sounds amazing.
"Not the grossest..."
"Not the grossest but one of my step brothers said that I was going to be a lesbian when I grew up. He said it all the damn time."
[deleted]
There's nothing wrong with being a lesbian but it sounds like your stepbrother had some kind of hang-up.
"I was writing..."
"I was writing up a menu on a blackboard at a cafe. A regular said, 'Great, that’s where you belong…on your knees.' I wish I had snapped back but I was too shocked to reply to his f**cked remark."
Alessa1992
It’s like they all learn the same words through some kind of collective telepathic misogynistic osmosis.
"I worked at an ice cream shop..."
"I worked at an ice cream shop/gas station, they were famous for their peach ice cream, only available in summer. Some old man asked for a peach cone, and he said, 'I'll take some of your peaches too.'"
quirkytorch
This is so crude. Why do they think this is okay?! It's maddening.
"Said to a younger me..."
"Said to a younger me, a skinny little tween in my junior school uniform standing awkwardly nearby at the bus top: ‘You know what you need? A good meal, and lots of sex."
Littlesbeetroot
And he sounds like he needs a lot of jail time.
"Toss that kid away..."
""Toss that kid away, I'll give you a new one," from a middle-aged man in a convertible when I was biking with my then one-year-old."
Lijn5
What exactly is the point of these comments? Is it a control thing? Do they get off on the shock it causes?
"I had been dating a guy..."
"I had been dating a guy for a few weeks and out of the blue he said that he wasn’t actually attracted to me so he didn’t want to date me anymore but that he wanted to keep having sex with me… oh but he wouldn’t be using condoms."
EmergencyCalm1279
The audacity of some men.
The sheer audacity.
"I do some freelance bartending in addition to working at a sports bar. I was bartending for a wedding & talking with guests as I normally would. An older gentleman was complimenting my outfit/makeup/jewelry, telling me how pretty I am, harmless compliments."
"Then he told me I looked like one of his granddaughters & started looking me up & down giving me flirtatious looks. It made me feel so disgusting that I actually washed my hands to try to make the feeling go away."
[deleted]
Lecherous old men sitting in bars are such a common sight. Why do they think this behavior is okay?! Why?!
"The priest..."
"The priest who married my (ex) husband and I told him that "it's just a hole.""
manonfetch
This is just nauseating... tells you everything about how this man feels about women.
Sexual harassment is against the law. Don't do it. Sadly, this should go without saying but that isn't the world we live in.
Listen to women. Believe them.
RAINN is the nation's largest anti-sexual violence organization. RAINN created and operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline in partnership with more than 1,000 local sexual assault service providers across the country.
If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, help is available.
To speak with someone who is trained to help, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800.656.HOPE (4673) or chat online at online.rainn.org.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below.
People Break Down The Most F**ked Up Things Society Totally Accepted 20 Years Ago
The world has changed significantly in the last twenty years. Back in the day, you could just step out of the house and be gone all day and no one could contact you unless they were back home or used a payphone.
Nowadays, people expect us to be connected all the time, which is super frustrating in its own way. But it's hard to imagine the world as it was before, right? And it's pretty wild that we just accepted it for so long, that is until technology advanced enough!
Society has changed... for better or worse. People shared their observations after Redditor Silkhide asked the online community,
"What was the most f**ked up thing that was generally accepted twenty years ago?"
"I was knocked out cold..."
"No care or concern for concussions in sports. I was knocked out cold for two minutes on the football field, nobody told me, and when I came to we just resumed the game like nothing had happened."
"I didn’t even know I was out for those two minutes until a year later when people were telling football stories. I thought I had just gotten knocked down and got back up right away. I thought it was weird everyone was making such a big deal about it."
"My first ever depressive episode started almost immediately after that game."
ElbowStrike
Thankfully, knowledge about chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) is much more widespread.
"That Oxycontin..."
"That Oxycontin wasn’t habit forming and it was a miracle drug."
jm6398
Required reading: Empire of Pain: The Secret History of the Sackler Dynasty, in case you want to feel even more enraged about the ongoing opioid crisis.
"My high school..."
"My high school had an area that we were allowed to smoke. A designated smoking area for kids under 18."
Blitz-99
Ha! That would absolutely be met with shock and horror these days.
"Being at home..."
"Being at home at your TV at a certain time to catch a show, and expecting everyone to leave you alone so you could watch it with no interruptions."
"You could be out with friends and you'd look and say, "Oh, it's 7:30 I got to get home to catch my show!" And nobody looked at you like a strange social outcast."
prelegalalien
Ah, those were the days. The way we had to plan for all of these things, actually plan! Remember TVGuide?
"People dying..."
"People dying of Chronic Myloid Leukemia. 20 years ago it was 100% fatal in less than five years. Now it's treated with a once a day pill with no side effects for most people... miracle science right there."
Mandorrisem
Modern medicine is indeed amazing–and changes lives!
"Female celebrities..."
"Female celebrities and actresses with eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia. It's less prevalent now, but dang was it brutal back then."
spicedshrub
These Actors Were Perfectly Cast In Their Roles | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Sometimes an actor comes along that is able to reach the audience on a deeper level. The actor that immediately comes to mind is Robin Williams. Although it ...Karen Carpenter, anyone?
Talk about an emotionally devastating story.
"There's still a lot of trouble..."
"25 years ago, I had a gym teacher who did not think asthma was a thing and wouldn't let me have my inhaler at hand in class. I walked every mile because I didn't want to die."
"There's still a lot of trouble for the undiagnosed, but tons of physical and mental health issues that were downplayed or outright ignored at least have some kind of support system or protocol now. It's not perfect, but at least we know they're real and are starting to do something."
Pookajuice
A teacher who would have the nerve to mock a student for their disability or health problems today is in for a real wake-up call.
"Nobody said anything..."
"In middle school a student dressed up like an SS Nazi for halloween. Nobody said anything until my choir teacher told him that some people may find it offensive. Teacher was Jewish."
ExplicitTech
Yeah... that sounds like something that would warrant an immediate expulsion.
"I worked in restaurants back then..."
"Sexual harassment in the workplace. It was just starting to become a topic of conversation around the early 2000s but very little progress had been made."
"I worked in restaurants back then and the amount of harassment I and my other female coworkers endured was unreal by today’s standards. We all just learned to laugh it off because no one took it seriously."
dsw1219
Grateful to see the culture change for the better where this is concerned, though there is still so much work to be done.
"People would go to carnivals..."
"People would go in carnivals and shove their face in the same water barrel to grab an apple with their mouth. Completely bonkers in 2021."
iaml3roux
If COVID-19 had a Facebook, it would love, love, LOVE this.
For any of you reading... 2001 was 20 years ago. Take some pills for your back. It might hurt.
Have some observations of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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Some time ago, I revisited an interview the actress Kathleen Turner gave to Vulture wherein she spoke about her life and career, focusing in particular on how her career trajectory changed following her rheumatoid arthritis diagnosis in the early 1990s.
She kept the disease a secret for years and suffered in silence. Living with chronic pain exhausted her and made her irritable which, in turn, gave her a reputation for being "difficult" in the industry.
And you know what? That interview reminded me that women are thrown away without a care in the world while men are given chance after chance... When was the last time you saw her headline a film, especially as an "older" actress?
The world is full of double standards that complicate the lives of men and women alike but the ones that don't explicitly rely on gender expectations are equally annoying.
People told us all about the double standards they're sick and tired of after Redditor SecretSquirrel224 asked the online community,
"What is a double standard that really bothers you?"
"Management..."
"Management enforcing rules they break all the time."
fantastictangent
"If you're two minutes late..."
"If you're two minutes late on your break you're reprimanded harshly, yet you get stuck behind at work for an hour because it's busy? Just part of the job.
"Some businesses don't even pay you."
Pattoe89
This is true and so frustrating. I do not miss retail.
"I have lots of experience..."
"I have lots of experience (like they are asking) but the employer thinks I'm too old for the job."
sonia72quebec
Ageism is a very serious problem. So sad.
"But God forbid..."
"You get in ahead of everyone else, and no one notices or cares. But God forbid you depart before everyone else and are a slug. No, I worked the same number of hours (if not more) than you."
"You weren't here to see it, but that doesn't mean I wasn't there."
ElwandaPurnell
I worked a job like this once. Guess what? It's now my former job. I was more than happy to leave it–and on short notice.
"Can you imagine..."
"The government owes me about $5,000 in benefits, and they are five months late to pay up."
"When I managed to get someone on the phone about it, they told me there is nothing I can do besides wait and hope that they'll pay me the money they owe me at some point."
"Can you imagine what would happen if I was half a year late to pay my taxes? Police would literally be kicking down my door and I would be carted off to jail."
BoobingandBang
The Strangest Superstitions People Actually Observe | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
The world can be a superstitious place. If you've ever knocked on wood or thrown salt over your shoulder then you've run into one or two throughout your life...This is remarkably frustrating but it is a pretty accurate example of how torturous and hypocritical the bureaucracy can be.
"My parents say..."
"My parents say that our generation only does stuff so that we can take a picture and post it, and then whenever we go do something, my parents take a ton of pictures so that they can post them."
SupremeLeaderTang
Your parents might want to look in the mirror. But take their phones away first in the event they decide they want to take another photo.
"Some people comply..."
"Cities and states telling us to conserve water by watering less. Some people comply and they end up getting fined by their city for having a dead or dying lawn."
"City and state buildings have the greenest lawns around because they water round the clock. Early morning, high noon, and in the evening. Half the sprinklers are usually over spraying in the middle of the road."
sauerpatchkid
"As a man..."
"As a man, being felt up/sexually assaulted in bars, work, other places and having it not be taken seriously, even being seen as comical."
LaughingJAY
"Women taking care of children..."
"Women taking care of the children is seen as natural and responsible, but a dad taking care of children is 'babysitting' or seen as creepy and problematic."
KingofCranes
"You have to leave..."
"You have to leave a letter of resignation for most jobs a couple of weeks in advance, but they can let you go without notice."
EpicWizardGuy2771
Well, well, well... annoyed yet?
Have some frustrations of your own? Feel free to vent in the comments below!
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Owing to the courageous and persistent efforts of women for the last several decades, some gender equality--and gender justice--has been sought and gained in the contemporary era.
Multiple waves of feminism have charged empowerment forward like a tidal wave. Trailblazing women have blasted through glass ceilings in several pockets of society. The "Me Too" movement raised awareness and achieved justice for women who survived the harassments of men who refused to listen to the word "No."
And the well-needed advocacy for feminism to be more inclusive of people of color has added nuance and numbers to the ongoing fight.
Yet, men continue their upsetting maneuvers. They touch without asking. They say things to a women they otherwise wouldn't. They act entirely unprofessional and shame any push back.
Some Redditors gathered to share the subtle forms of sexual harassment and/or sexism they encounter regularly.
dudeARama2 asked, "Women, what are the subtle kinds of low grade sexual harassment you face on a constant basis ?"
Many women discussed the subtle sexism they encounter whenever interacting with men in some professional setting. For some, this was at work. For others, it was when talking with salesman or other "experts."
Regardless, the variable driving the dude's uncomfortable behavior was clear.
Yes, She Can Measure a Thing
"The doofus from Home Depot delivering my refrigerator, looking at the space it's supposed to fit in, and saying it won't fit. He looks me up and down as I mention that I did measure. He then asked if my husband was home, since I obviously didn't 'get it.' "
"I replied that I was not married, which seemed to explain everything to him. It ended with him being lit on fire...oh wait no I was just thinking that."
"It ended with me saying 'Never mind, if you can't figure it out I'll do it myself' which crushed his ego enough that he did, in fact put the refrigerator where it belonged. And yes it did fu**ing fit, because I measured."
-- GGLaura
Confirmation Bias
"Idk if this is sexual harassment, more like low key misogyny but- I've had several customers (higher ups at big name corporate companies- it's not just an average retail job) only accept what I tell them as truth until a man confirms it (this man doesn't even need to be a higher level supervisor- just a male voice over the phone)."
"Annoying as all hell."
Not the Expert, My Dude
"I am a POC female doctor, and I often have medical students with me. Sometimes when the medical student is a white male, the patient looks to the student for confirmation of what I'm saying."
"It's unconscious probably, but it's like they want him to nod and agree with what I'm saying. I want to yell 'THIS IS MY FIRST YEAR MED STUDENT. HE KNOWS NOTHING AT THIS POINT IN HIS CAREER. STOP LOOKING AT HIM.' "
Zero Trust
"Certainly not subtle, but I used to work in a legal clinic doing public benefits (Social Security, Food Stamps, etc.). I was the only lawyer who worked in this area and supervised a couple of non-lawyer college grads who rotated through every year. For context I'm also young and Asian so I look even younger than I am, and I'm sure that didn't help."
"If I had a dollar for every time a client asked me if they could get a second opinion from a male attorney, I could have kept doing public interest law. Some clients refused to meet with me and demanded to speak to a male staff member (no male attorneys on staff sometimes!), which would often lead to them meeting with one of my supervisees--fresh college grads with no legal experience except what I taught them. They would helpfully tell the client that they couldn't give legal advice and should probably do what I told them to do in the first place."
F"un stuff!"
-- anony_pengu
Other Redditors shared encounters that were more overtly sexual and uncomfortable. These didn't involve any physical contact, but words can be enough to make some feel deeply unsafe.
Are You Aware You Just Made a Human Trafficking Joke, Sir?
"Aged 16/17 I worked in a DIY store. I had so many men ask how much it'd cost to buy me, can they take me home with their new bag of cement, and even had one guy ask me what I was doing later that evening and can he take me for dinner."
-- Isgortio
5 YEARS OLD
"Once I was in the store with my 5 year old daughter who was carrying a feather duster we were buying, and an old man leered at her and said she needed a French maid's outfit."
-- after_this
Forced to Get Used to It
"When I was in university one of my housemate's younger sister came for the weekend, 14 year old but dressed mature and wore a lot of makeup, we were walking in town and a group of guys in their mid-late 30s were casually shouting that they wanted to hook up with her and the ways they'd do it."
"I remember saying openly that it was disgusting and how long she was - and looked. And she said she was completely used to it."
----
"And my friends who work in night clubs told me how normal it was for drunk guys at the end of the night to wait outside the club for them to finish, so most of the girls got a ride home with the bouncers just Incase - totally normal."
Locked On
"the laser eyes digging into my chest is about the lowest grade i've gotten. highest grade harassment was getting cat called by a grown adult as an 11 year old."
-- dicketry
And finally, many men do go as far as touching without any consent or warning whatsoever. Sometimes it's subtle, other times it's overt harassment.
Either way, it's so gross.
Never Heard That One Before
"I'm a hand therapist. I have to show people how to massage their scars effectively after their surgery because otherwise they can become stuck to the bone/tendon underneath. To do this I have to put cream on the scar and then demonstrate the right pressure to put on while they massage it."
"I've lost count of the amount of times a man has tried to 'hold' my hand back, or make some lewd comment about how I can massage elsewhere if I like. Just no, yuck."
Subtle Encroachments
"I work in the oil industry which is very male dominated. Men in general think they can touch you- Leading you through a door by the small of your back, touching your arm while they're speaking to you, trying to fix your collar or hair if it's out of place, closely leaning over your shoulder looking at your work."
"Is it a pat on the a**? No, though I've experienced that too. But it's Yechhh nonetheless. The kicker is that if you call them on it, you're treated as unreasonable because it's not a pat on the a**."
Zero Romance When Someone Actually Does It
"Random guys thinking we like literally getting swept off our feet. Last time it happened I was in a bar watching my husband's band play and some dipshit tried to pick me up from behind and carry me onto the dancefloor."
"Luckily I'm sturdier than I look so he didn't get very far, but I still had to tell him I didn't want to dance with him multiple times. He decided 'I was scared to' even though I said repeatedly I DON'T WANT TO."
-- newdawn79
Women Can Shake Hands Too, You Dingus
"When I worked in an office there were a lot of sales reps who didn't care that I didn't want to be touched because they were huggers. Men older than my parents would shake hands with the other people in my department but insist I stand up for a hug."
"When I brought it up to my boss I was told they were old school salesmen and to just laugh it off."
The Last Straw
"I had a coworker randomly kiss me on new years. It wasn't midnight (not that it really matters) and my boy friend was right next to me. It was very weird and unsettling. Out of pure reaction I slapped him. Still to this day I have no idea why he did it."
"He quit soon after."
-- Pie4me8
"Every job I have ever had that claims to operate in a family dynamic has without fail included unwanted touches (hugs, shoulder/arm touches) and typical locker room talk."
"If you are a woman, it's pretty common to be touched by a male coworker. Not many examples i can think of in 15 years of various corporate experiences where the boss hugged and touched the male staff as much as they do the women."
"And if I had a nickel for every time I heard a male coworker either talk about their own sex life or sexualize someone else, i wouldn't need a damn job."
-- mix0000
Straying Hands
"When I give men their change, they don't grab it, they grab my wrist, then drag their hand down over mine and then take the change. Because of this I started putting their change down on the counter. But because of that I've had men get offended because doing so seems disrespectful and have reported me to my boss."
"A lot of men also try to catch my eye and mimic an erection with their french fries/umbrellas/straws/etc."
"The staring. The fu**ing staring."
-- your-yogurt
Completely Leaving Behind Any Respect Whatsoever
"The casual touching. Putting a hand on my shoulder or lower back or leg. Or getting uncomfortably close to me. And if you say anything everyone just wonders what my problem is."
"There's also men who will do it so openly knowing no one will do anything about it. At a work event one particular guy kept following me and putting his hand up my dress."
"The last thing I would say is that I am considered at least mildly attractive. This leads to the constant gossip and jokes from the men in the office."
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We've heard countless stories of sexual harassment and sexual violence in the wake of the #MeToo movement, which have unnerved us.
People are applauding the way a woman shut down a Jiffy Lube employee who sent her an inappropriate text message. We quite like how she handled it.
Twitter user @LovableandKind posted an inappropriate text message exchange her sister had with an employee at Jiffy Lube.
"My sister got creeped on and sexually harassed by a jiffy lube guy via text from his personal phone and..." she wrote as she presented us with evidence of her sister's brilliant takedown.
My sister got creeped on and sexually harassed by a jiffy lube guy via text from his personal phone and.... https://t.co/ugKajMCvCK— Unproblematic and nice account (@Unproblematic and nice account) 1547595329.0
It's quite well done.
"You're gorgeous," the guy writes, never expecting the response that followed:
@LovableandKind
Behold:
It gets even better...
@LovableandKind
...and better once you see the dig at end.
@LovableandKind
You have to admit: That's great thinking.
People certainly agreed––and some even shared stories of their own:
@LovableAndKind Sounds like the Jiffy Lube guy needs to start using Gillette— William Lawrence (@William Lawrence) 1547678515.0
@LovableAndKind Your sister is amazing and I hope she finds a twenty in the pocket of her favorite jacket that she hasn't worn in a while.— Dab Bod (@Dab Bod) 1547649426.0
@LovableAndKind I have also got creeped on by a jiffy lube guy who told me he was “glad he had my number now” despi… https://t.co/lD4ErFwvEz— SHALEESI (@SHALEESI) 1547628413.0
@LovableAndKind @AlsBoy My sister reported a break in to the police and 2 officers came over to our house to take a… https://t.co/6PHmgj3LIC— Stephen Perkins (@Stephen Perkins) 1547646825.0
@LovableAndKind I once had a Wells Fargo manager take my private cell number from my file And use it to ask me on a… https://t.co/uY7FR0NXTX— MLK(ayli) jr (@MLK(ayli) jr) 1547672930.0
@LovableAndKind My favorite part is at the end, when she lets him know he’s not even good at his job.— MJ Beasi (@MJ Beasi) 1547679248.0
As expected, some trolls took the opportunity to claim the text message exchange was fake. @LovableandKind was prepared with a response:
It’s not even viral and ppl are beginning to say this is faked. Yes, men are this disgusting and violating and yes,… https://t.co/hJGB17QLsK— Unproblematic and nice account (@Unproblematic and nice account) 1547608752.0
Jiffy Lube has also issued a statement.
We’re taking this issue very seriously. No customer should ever be concerned about privacy or feel uncomfortable at… https://t.co/BFMhKIwJJX— Jiffy Lube (@Jiffy Lube) 1547751837.0
Leave women alone.
Don't contact people with personal information you got from your job.
It won't end well.