Redditors Explain Which Types Of People Get Treated With Less Sympathy Than They Deserve
CW: domestic violence.
People carry biases and false beliefs with them about a broad spectrum of things.
Unfortunately, some of those beliefs involve people, and those beliefs can limit or even hurt them.
Redditor anthropocener47 asked:
"What kind of people often get treated with less sympathy?"
"Just Lose Some Weight," They Say
"People who are overweight."
"There is this perception that all of my issues are because I am overweight."
- grumpydinosaur77
Male Survivors
"I'm a male who has been a victim of Domestic Violence, and let me tell you: People not only don't take you seriously, but they'll actually put you down."
"They'll talk s**t about you. They'll say you deserved it. They'll belittle you for getting beat up by a girl; god help you if you actually physically defended yourself in any situation where you were getting assaulted by a woman."
"The most I've ever done is restrain a woman when she was beating on me. And I've had people tell me that this was going 'too far' and that I should have just stood there and taken it. And I am NOT a little guy, which seems to make things worse."
"If you get your a** kicked, you're a b***h. If you defend yourself, you're the abuser. There's absolutely no winning in that situation."
"There is 100% no sympathy for male victims of domestic violence. It's sickening how uniformly society acts regarding this topic."
- ImPrblyWeird
Angry PTSD
"People who lose their temper when desperately trying to get people to understand that they have been abused."
"It’s actually a serious problem in courts that abuse victims look crazy and unstable because they do normal human things like express emotion and are often quite emotional and anxious after their abuse so they are perceived as untrustworthy, shifty, easily confused, erratic and liars."
"Meanwhile, their abuser is calm and collected and charming and comes off very well because why wouldn’t they, none of this affects them. They just lie and get away with it and are believed that they are the stable one and their victim is crazy and the real abuser."
- badgersprite
Those Seeking Self-Improvement
"People who made some bad choices in the past and are trying to better their lives."
- Ok_Win7358
The Bullied Kids
"Kids who are bullied."
"'Well, I didn’t see it happen.' No, because he did it when you weren’t looking. That’s the point."
- Pro_Gamer_Queen21
The Elderly
"As a kid, I visited my grandparents in assisted living facilities several times a week. These were dementia wards where no one knew who anyone was. No one knew where they were or why they were there."
"Easily 90% of the time, we were the only family there. No one visited their crazy parents because it was scary and depressing."
"It’s really fueled my wish to study dementia and work with people who have it. Often they have no one to look out for them."
- an_ineffable_plan
Smile More
"People that don't smile. My best friend is an absolute angel of a person but I've only seen him smile a few times over the last seven years. Traumatic events are a motherf**ker."
- rockonyou717
Chronically Ill
"Chronically ill and disabled people who don’t get 'better' after a few months (because that’s not how chronic illness or disability f**king works)."
- SolidChildhood5845
Themselves to Blame
"People with Lung Cancer or Type 2 Diabetes. The 'you did this to yourself' attitude."
- kategoad
An Unfair System
"People who stutter. People who are quiet. People with social anxiety. People who can’t speak English well. Men who don’t earn. Men who earn less. Women who can’t conceive. People with mental disabilities."
- Painkiller124
"People in 'unskilled' positions. Sure, a burger flipper or custodian doesn’t need a college degree, but unskilled does not equal not hard work."
"Having to prepare so much food in little time, deal with rude customers, and cleaning up stuff. The number of stories of people smearing poop on the walls. The stuff these people go through, people should feel sympathy."
- guzhogi
Mental Illness on the Job
"I have BPD (Bipolar Disorder) and have suffered from depression for over 20 years."
"I've been applying for jobs lately where it asks for disability declaration and specifically mentions mental illness and I still have a hard time selecting it for fear of not being believed or it costing me the job."
- Clayroo
Severe Anxiety
"I had a hard time sympathizing with people who suffer from severe anxiety. My attitude was always 'just deal with it, stress is temporary.'"
"Last summer there was a series of events that triggered unprecedented anxiety for me, I didn't eat for days at a time, barely slept, and could barely function at work. It was absolutely debilitating and felt completely uncontrollable."
"A week on vacation helped but it came back as soon as I got home. So I went to my doctor and he prescribed a few meds, which helped a lot."
"Now I understand that kind of crippling anxiety, and I'm a lot more sympathetic to those who struggle to manage it."
- EncanisUnbound
Invisible Illness
"I LOOK so incredibly healthy. But I'm not. I'm crippled for life, and I'm in pain from it until it kills me. I keep quiet about it, because I don't want attention on it and I don't like to waste my energy making noise about it."
"But some people who find out are very weird about it."
"I look like a cherub. A cute young girl, with rosy cheeks, a lil chubby, very short, with a baby face. And seemingly healthy as heck."
"In reality, I'm a grown woman who is crippled as f**k, in agony most days, has hidden open sores under my hair, and arthritis in every joint including my neck and spine."
"I'm on more medications than both your grandparents combined. We're probably on some of the same ones. And for some of the ones I'm on, their doctor would refuse to give them."
"I might not live very long. But I also might, hard to say."
"But those times I have to fight to be treated like a person really and truly suck. Because My pain makes other people feel uncomfortable."
- littlegingerfae
The Poor
"There's a real disdain towards poorer people like they should magically be able to make more money."
"For lots of people, they have disadvantages that make that more difficult, like a lack of education or support, lack of time, illness or disability, or even just being stuck in a neverending cycle and having to time/money/ability to get themselves out."
"For some others, they prioritize other parts of life over money, and there's nothing wrong with making that choice for yourself."
- cmc
The subReddit was left collectively shaking its head as the community thought about the various people who are often undervalued, underappreciated, and under-supported, simply because of who they are.
But the worst truth is that so many of these situations are unavoidable, like growing older or being ill. Even for those that could be corrected with time, like having more money, it would only make sense that supporting that person more would allow them to change their situation more quickly.
If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, help is available 24/7 at the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233. You can also find additional support and resources on their website: https://www.thehotline.org/
Woman Wonders If She's In The Wrong For Going Out Of Her Way To Deny Sexist Car Salesman His Commission After Infuriating Interaction
A recent car-buying woman quickly found herself at the dealership watching two dudes discuss cars.
If she wanted that, she could've just stayed home and watched Pimp My Ride.
But as it's 2020, she expected a little less sexism. Not to mention, Pimp My Ride is no longer on television.
Redditor Delicious_Cancel is the proud new owner of an "upper end luxury car," as she informed in a recent post on Reddit's, Am I The A**Hole subreddit.
But the journey to the driver seat was far from smooth. Along the way she encountered an hour's worth of microaggressions, two trips to the dealership, a subsequent shaming from her friend, and a little guilt.
The guilt ultimately drove her to post the tale and ask Redditors for their moral judgment.
All this came about when u/Delicious_Cancel *finally* decided to pull the trigger and upgrade from her "35-year-old" Volvo.
Obvious question: how has she been driving this thing around since 1985?
Only one explanation is possible. That thing was all the rage, then became ugly and u/Delicious_Cancel stuck out the hard years, and then it turned cool all over again with the Normcore fashion movement.
She begins the story with the key variable, betraying some slightly internalized, car-based gender associations.
"I took my boyfriend with me to the dealership as you do as a couple."
Very quickly, even though she was the one paying for the car and would be the one driving it, Delicious_Cancel found herself on the sidelines in a palpable fashion.
"A salesman approached us and the entire time, from the start to finish, kept talking to my boyfriend even though I clearly introduced myself and told him the car was for me and that I would be paying outright for it."
Ms. Delicious could even count on her boyfriend noticing the biased dynamic, and calling attention to it, in his own subtle way.
"My boyfriend was off put by thing and kept referring the salesman to me when he asked my boyfriend a question and even pointedly said at some point " I don't know, it's Delicious_Cancel's car, ask her."
**It's difficult not to laugh at the image of her boyfriend actually calling her that in public but Reddit's rules require anonymity.
The man-to-man activism did not do the job.
"The salesmen would then look at me, I'd answer and then the next question, back to my boyfriend."
"The only question I was asked was around colour preference and leather vs fabric interior."
Ouch. That plays like a cartoon training video you'd watch at work to learn how not to be sexist.
When Delicious_Cancel decided she wanted the car despite the rotten sales experience, the sales guy proposed they begin the paperwork.
She wanted to proceed on her terms.
"I interjected and said I wanted to think about it. I had already decided on the car but I didn't want to commission to go to him."
She was adamant enough to make a second trip to exact some revenge.
"So we left and came back the next morning, a different salesperson greeted us and this one was much better, ridiculously charming."
"I told him we'd driven the car yesterday and decided to buy it and we did, no hassles."
And that, folks, is how you manipulate the income of strangers.
Now, though, Delicious_Cancel is having some second thoughts after a friend empathized with the first salesman.
"I was recounting this story to a friend of mine yesterday who is sales (but in IT) told me I was a bit of an a**hole because the previous salesman had done all the work and I gave the sale to someone else when I was wanting to buy the car anyway."
Cue unanimous support from Redditors. Plenty got very real about why she shouldn't feel any guilt at all.
"Typical for car salesmen to ignore the women and talk to the man, but you made it more than clear it was all on you."
"Your money you get to choose how to spend it and who gets it. At the end of the day the dealership still got your cash." u/Netflixandzzz
"Everyone in commission sales knows "spoils go to the closer". Don't feel guilty, not in the slightest." u/starlabsdropout
"FYI, he most likely got a "half deal". The commission was probably split in half by both salesmen."
"If you are helped by two salesmen, the sale was most likely split because they both did the work." u/creepy_lil_lady
Some gave advice about how to help future women car buyers dealing with the guy.
"Personally I'd make sure to let him or his boss know why he didn't get the sale, maybe then he might reconsider how he treats potential customers." u/Whisky-Toad
"I'd leave a review along the lines of, 'we went and spoke to X sales person but he was really rude, dismissive, and sexist toward me during my visit. So we left but after meeting Y sales person we decided we made the right decision. I would happy work with Y sales person again.'" u/LindaFrmPortia
Others cut through and evaluated the guy on a pure sales technique basis. They still considered him a dingus.
"He doesn't deserve the sale. Any good salesperson knows you get to the one making the decision and deal with them." u/Stup2plending
"He did a crappy job because he did not identify (or choose to) and deal with the one making the actual purchase decision."
One was no stranger to this kind of thing.
"A lot of salespeople have this ingrained misogyny. My wife and I notice it, too."
"We were recently looking at properties with an agent (a woman). The agent would not stop looking at me and asking me questions." u/arbitrage75
Finally, there were those that possessed the wisdom of simplicity.
"You get sales by gasp being a good salesperson! He was not." u/MarrissaCooper
"The previous salesman didn't do all the work... Part of his job is not being an a**hole to clients. He failed to do that." u/godrestsinreason
"I thought sales people are supposed to be good at talking to others." u/Era555
Mom Calls Out Sexist School Code, Says She May Label Her Son As 'Non-Binary' So She Doesn't Have To Cut His Long Locks
In the UK, one mother is considering labeling her son non-binary after struggling to find schools that will accept boys with long hair.
Bonnie Miller, aka @badmotherblogger on Instagram found herself hitting a major obstacle while deciding where to send her 8-year-old son, Farouk James, for secondary school (what is called Middle and High School in the U.S.).
The struggle stems from a long standing rule in many secondary schools in the UK that disallows male students from having long hair.
For Miller's son Farouk James, whose own Instagram has 270,000 followers, a rule like that poses a bit of a problem.
Miller told the The Daily Mail:
"Applying for a mixed school, I may just put him down as non-binary."
Miller then went on:
"We are told we are supposed to be tolerant, and embrace diversity, however this policy teaches children that they cannot be different.
The whole experience has motivated Miller to make some change about the options available to long-locked boys in the future.
She set up a petition on change.org—which now has over 2,000 signatures—calling for the end of rules like the one that will push her son to cut his hair before school begins, a necessity that Miller describes as:
"asking someone to take away a huge part of themselves, to fit in to what is socially expected"
Miller's Instagram post gives even more details of her stance on the issue.
The post also gathered plenty of responses.
@kyliebh82/Instagram
@ellie_hooi_illustration/Instagram
And as Miller cited in her petition write up, it feels important to include the following relevant video, which features a very young David Bowie.
Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Long-Haired Men youtu.be
There has still been no government response to Miller's comments or the petition.
Men have feelings too. Men have #Metoo moments as well. And often, those moments are ignored. And that may be controversial to say but it has to be said. Men deal with sexism on the daily and it matters.
Redditor u/Owenn04 wanted men to speak up and help us understand.... Men of Reddit. What is the most "this is sexist" moment you have experienced?
My man's got this friend named Chad. Chad isn't his real name, but that's what we're going with for this article. Chad is in a relationship that is ... well ... there's a reason Facebook had to come up with the "it's complicated" status. Nobody is happy, they often go out of their way to avoid one another or are forcing performative affection for the 'gram. One night, Chad decided he was going to hide from LadyChad and told her he couldn't see her because he was spending time with us. He then made up a whole elaborate story about drinking wine (which he doesn't normally do) and overdoing it because he really liked it.
Thing is, Chad never told US that he used us as a ridiculously specific cover story.
So imagine my surprise when I get a message from LadyChad on Instagram (not an app I'm terribly active on as far as messaging and I have literally never spoken a single word to LadyChad at this point) asking what kind of wine I had given Chad because she wanted to go out and purchase several bottles.
Um ... what? So there I am awkwardly staring at my phone already having responded to her "hi" so I can't just ghost the girl. She knows I've read her messages and am actively on my phone. Chad doesn't really talk to me, so I have no idea how I got roped into this, and I'm looking around like "WHAT DO I DO!?!?!"
Babe later assured me this is the sort of thing Chad did to him all the time and LadyChad was probably well aware that he was lying. Still, I didn't appreciate getting sucked into some elaborate Chad-scheme. If you're going to do that to people, you have to give them a heads up! One Reddit user asked:
What's the most awkward position someone's ever put you in?
... apparently the world is FULL of Chads. Get it together, guys. Stop being Chads. Here are some of my favorite responses - edited for clarity when needed. Enjoy the cringefest!
H/T: Reddit