People Explain How Someone Close To Them Absolutely Ruined Their Life
"Reddit user metalnxrd asked: 'Who are some people you know personally, or otherwise, who ruined their own lives, and how?'"
Life can be destroyed in an instant.
Every single moment of every single day we make choices that can further our existence or ruin it.
Sadly, it often feels like a majority of us choose the latter option.
We only get one life.
Why is it so hard to make the most of it?
We're all guilty of poor decision-making.
That's okay, as long as we learn from it.
It feels like there is always time to right wrongs.
The truth is, there's not.
That clock eventually runs out.
Redditor metalnxrd wanted to hear about the people who have brought personal wreckage to themselves, so they asked:
"Who are some people you know personally, or otherwise, who ruined their own lives, and how?"
I've watched too many people self-destruct.
It all starts in the mirror.
Don't be afraid to look.
All-In
Season 17 What GIF by America's Got TalentGiphy"Took out a mortgage on his house and leveraged all his other assets to go all-in on Luna coin. It worked beautifully until it didn't."
Particular-Natural12
Bad Ideas
"Had a buddy who got scouted by professional baseball when we were in high school. They wanted him in the farm system, his mom wanted him in college. So the team allowed it."
"Dude found meth before leaving for college. He never made it there."
"He's now homeless and on his last legs."
BosskHogg
Receipts, please...
"Family member addicted to shopping. She & her husband made really good money and could have had a very comfortable life. Every single year she decided she didn’t like their house, sold at a loss, and then renovated and bought all new designer furniture for every new house. On top of that, she constantly bought multiple pieces of the same designer clothes and jewelry (why?), art, cosmetic procedures etc."
"Eventually they couldn’t even get a mortgage anymore and were in an insane amount of debt, lost their cars and everything else they owned. She ended up stealing her mother’s credit card to use for restaurants and attempted to make a bunch of frivolous lawsuits which just resulted in more legal debt."
Guineacabra
Out of Recovery
"I helped an old friend of my mother-in-law for some time, she was in recovery for some years. She had drunk so heavily for so long that she developed a neurological disorder that left her debilitated. She gradually lost her balance, her motor skills and coordination, and is now hospitalized and unable to care for herself."
"She is almost a decade younger than me and her life of independence is over. She will remain bedridden and rely on others for her most basic needs for the remaining years of her life. This is neither far-fetched nor the worst-case scenario, people die from addiction every day."
Optimal-Scientist233
Move On
"Staying in bad relationships, doubling down and marrying and having children. Now they have the same relationship problems that they had ten years ago but with children involved."
pitathegreat
Being alone by yourself is better than being alone in a relationship.
If you need a reminder please listen to Ms. Whitney Houston's "It's Not Right, But It's Okay!" on repeat daily.
Tainted Love
Shaking Head Reaction GIF by GIPHY NewsGiphy"SIL is a trainwreck. Ruined her marriage, ruined her relationship with her kids, lost her house and car, all to be with some abusive piece of crap."
ThePelky
Weekly Drama
"A friend from HS won a thousand a week for life. Never went to college. Never held down a long-term job. Always worried some lady was trying to take his money by getting pregnant or or stealing it through marriage. Has had a very mediocre life without much progression or new relationships."
"The rest of the friend group used to think he was the luckiest guy alive. Now we all just try to keep his spirits up when we get together and keep our advice to ourselves. He is aware of the solutions to his problems at a 10-mile view but the $1000/week has sapped his will to execute any self-improvement plan."
TheUnblinkingEye1001
Dead Dreams
"Midlife Crisis... Came to a realization they didn't have something they really wanted in their life. Abandoned everything they already had (job, family, friends) to chase that dream. Finally forced to realize what they were chasing was an unobtainable illusion but the damage was already done."
varthalon
Ruined
"Someone in our friend group keeps having kids with people and then leaving, screwing him financially because of child support. He can't hold any jobs and has stolen from friends. Right now he's crashing on one of my friend's couches. I dunno why they are allowing him to stay there."
dinoaids
Make better choices.
Please.
Do you have any similar stories? Let us know in the comments.
Most of the time, we fight against our own worst natures to function like "regular" people.
It's what we deal with all day, every day, and it's a struggle.
Reddit user, Fluid-Daydreamer, wanted us to be open and honest with ourselves when they asked:
"What’s your own toxic trait?"
Admitting you have a problem is an important first step.
You Just Need The Right Motivation
"I ignore things that cause me too much stress, until they become urgent and serious"
EarthExile
"Fear is a powerful motivator, issue is I have to be terrified for it to kick in lol."
"Looking back, I’m amazed how many problems just went away because I ignored them for long-enough. Not the best thing to do but it’s surprising how often it works."
Hughesybooze
Never Let It Go
"I hold grudges and I can be quite petty sometimes."
robotchicken007
"I came here for this very reason. I remember EVERYTHING. I will hold onto things forever. I'm sure this is something along the lines of 'the ax forgets, but the tree remembers' thing for me."
"I remember exactly what was said to me or done that hurt me on X day at X hour down to the X minute, but for you, it was just another casual Wednesday. This has actually made my memory quite good and has come in handy for everyday life other than making me petty."
Jinbell
Unimportant
"I don’t remember things that don’t benefit me"
GentleAnusTickler
"I’m terrible at this too. I actually TRY to commit things to memory but if they don’t benefit or at least effect me, I don’t retain the details."
Standard_Equipment27
Sometimes it's not internal, maybe all of your toxicity manifests itself in the form of how you interact with others that gets you in trouble.
Cut Them Off At The Source
"I interrupt people if I feel like I know what they're going to say. It's f-cking annoying"
devondawsonmma
"I've managed to contain myself from doing this but the problem is that when I figure out / think I know what they're going to say I pretty much "checkout" of the conversation until their finished."
"Or, I'll pre-plan what I'm going to talk about when they're done which basically is nodding my head and pretending I'm listening all the while thinking about other things or different responses."
"I don't like that I do this and sometimes I have to concentrate really hard and force myself to empty my mind and focus on the other person but it is difficult sometimes."
ColoneISanders
How Close Is Too Close?
"I'm really bad at keeping up with people I'm genuinely interested in getting to know, and when on occasion I succeed, I can't help but feel I'm being creepy"
maleorderbride
"This one gets me. I want friends, but I feel creepy and over bearing when I follow up and text after a few weeks. I can just imagine then looking at their phone and thinking, 'how can I let this conversation die quickly so I don’t hurt her feelings, and also don’t have to talk to her'.”
"I can’t help but feel this is a symptom of social media. Our interactions are all over media’s, and personal interactions outside those platforms feels invasive."
Ok-Second1272
Can Never Rely On Others
"I never ask for help because I think i can do everything myself, and i insist that i can do it even though i cant"
RGNlingling
"I'm right there with you. The only exception being not because I think I can do it myself, but because I have to, if that makes sense. Like, I've never been able to rely on anyone's help because I just have to figure it out for myself, or else I'm a failure and feel judged."
"It's caused a ton of stress in life. But on the other hand I've been able to pull myself out of sh-tty situations and have a little pride in that. But I don't think it's necessarily healthy. Life is tough and it takes its toll when you do it alone."
mykoconnor
Then there's everything else, the walls we have to overcome and crawl over everyday to be the best version of ourselves we can.
Knowing Is Not The Same As Doing
"My toxic trait is thinking that my self-awareness of my toxic traits cancels them out"
VaginalSharknado
"It took me a while to realize that "being self aware" doesn't mean sh-t if you do nothing about it."
Victor0Chavez
Everything Sets You Off
"i’m very irritable and that really pisses me off!"
squarefan80
"I feel this one hard. The worst part is that as I get older, I realize that’s it rarely to do with the other person/situation but just my own anxieties playing out in unhealthy ways"
loggershands
Where Do I Fit In?
"I either overvalue my role I other peoples lives, or I self isolate and want nothing to do with anyone"
Kemestri
"I simultaneously have low self-worth and a feeling of superiority to other people."
Exemus
Keep going.
Best way to win is to accept your faults, then do your best to get past them.
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Self-care has become a relatively hot topic of discussion within the last several years. Being open, and honest, about what you're going through mentally and the types of help you're receiving is important, as it can help others feel more comfortable with searching for any kind of help they might need.
With so many therapists, and so many disccusision points, it's great we can share the biggest takeaways we've learned from our sessions online.
One of the few good things the internet is for.
Reddit user, slowlythrough, wanted to learn from your breakthroughs when they asked:
"What was the best thing you ever learned from a therapist?"
Depending on your job and day-to-day life, you might be interacting with dozens upon hundreds of people every single day. How you interact with them, and more importantly, how you handle yourself, can make all the difference.
Don't Take Responsibility For How Others Acts
"How people act is a reflection of them, not me."
Commercial_Zombie196
"I had this revelation with a friend of mine. We realised that, when someone didn't understand what either of us were talking about, I would blame myself and he would blame the other person. It made me realise how different everyone is in how they communicate and respond to others."
AlterEdward
You Are Not Responsible For Others
"That all emotions have their time and place. Also that I can’t control how other people feel. It’s not my job to keep them happy or satisfied. I am allowed to let people be angry or upset."
stewiesaidblast
"This is important, I started becoming progressively more assertive and confident ever since I came to this realisation"
frankjohnsen
You Don't Have To Be About That "Hustle Life"
"My worth is not determined by my productivity."
"Being raised by a workaholic Marine and then having a series of nightmare bosses led me to have a severe guilt spiral if I spent a most of day not "doing" something."
kayarreff
"I agree, and I'm not a tool. I don't have to "do something", "be more productive", and not everything has to be about work."
"There's also nothing wrong with being "lazy". We're not robots. I wasn't put here on this planet to be a slave until I die."
PandaMayFire
If you need help with how you think about yourself, consider these lessons on self-reflection and metacognitive practices.
Speak Your Mind
"People don’t know what you’re thinking or wanting if you don’t say it. If you don’t communicate your emotions and thoughts, you can’t expect people to mind-read, and then get upset at them for not doing what you expected."
lhy13
Metacognitive Practices Are So Important
"You can step back and think about your thoughts."
"I know that sounds obvious, but it was not obvious to me as an angry, sad, 17 year old."
"Diagnosed with ADHD at 30. That advice probably saved me from making a ton of impulsive mistakes over the years."
iph0ne
Don't Accept Everything
"If you take good thoughts with a grain of salt why not also take the bad with a grain of salt? Hear it, recognize it, and let it leave."
findthefish14
"I like this one. It resonates with something else I learned about intrusive negative thoughts regarding myself, my future, my past, my whole life basically."
"When it all goes spiraling it’s important to interject those thoughts with a quick, 'ok, but what if it all works out? What if all my hard work actually does pay off?'"
"Both outcomes are entirely possible but we spend so much time sucking out energy by acknowledging the more dreadful negative thoughts, without even recognizing the hopeful positive ones."
barebackguy7
What about the big ones? The lessons you should start practicing right now?
Your Actions Are Not Your Thoughts
"A counselor at my university taught me that just because your anxiety tells you something will happen, that doesn't make it true. One way to illustrate this is to place a pen on a table, tell yourself you won't be able to pick it up, and then do it anyway. It feels so weird but also so comforting to know that your thoughts don't have as much influence on your life as they want you to believe. The therapist who told me this was just an intern at the time. I really hope she has been able to help people the same way she did me where ever she is now."
BlossomtheMare
Place Your Chips Wisely
"You have a limited amount of energy and time in any given day, and you get to choose where you place that energy. Like chips at a roulette table."
"Every angry twitter response, Reddit argument, etc is me putting those chips on those squares. My stack dwindles each time."
"Angry thoughts about a news article, an opinion I disagree with, that a--hole driver on the freeway, all of that takes energy, my chips. An extremely limited resource."
"So I’m trying to live though that lens and make the best possible decisions with my stack. That a--hole driver gets none of my chips anymore. YA CANT HAVE EM F-CKFACE."
"Today I was about to have a negative interaction online so I got up and pet the ever loving sh-t out of my cat instead. Like world class scratches - he was stoked."
"Chips. Place them wisely."
"I stop myself many times a day from doing it. I’m much happier now. Still f-cked up, but happier in my stew if that makes any sense."
campoanywhere
Nothing Else Need Be Said
"'No.' Is a complete sentence"
no-guac
Take care of yourself out there. No one else has that same requirement.
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The truth may always be the best option because, yes, lies will always come out and karma swings back around swiftly. Actually, let's be truthful.... the truth can suck. And not secrets exploding, like a spouse cheating, or corporate embezzlement, actual facts about life.
Better to start swallowing these bitter pills now.
Redditor u/Professional-Can8235 wanted to everyone to share about what revelations life has thrown our way and how to deal by asking.... [SERIOUS] What is the harshest truth you've ever learned?Unfairness....
angry ace ventura GIFGiphyBeing the hardest worker will not always equate to you being the one rewarded or recognized for accomplishments.
Ah the memory....
Nostalgia is a liar.
Sometimes though, nostalgia is the best thing. I have a weird thing with visuals, smells and tastes bringing out really vivid memories of my childhood pretty often (like daydreams) and it feels really home-y, safe and wonderful.
All the Effort Spent....
You can do everything right, give something 100% effort, follow all the rules and still fail.
"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life."
Jean Luc Picard, CPT USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-D).
I love this quote too.
I learned as a I grew up that just because someone hires you and pays you doesn't mean they intend to play fair. Actually it would seem they usually don't even if it would be better for the company in the long run. The point is, YOU keep YOUR integrity and you never really lose.
Tainted Love
bad romance hair flip GIF by Lady GagaGiphyLoving someone unconditionally, and being willing to do anything for them doesn't mean that they will feel the same way about you.
Finding Help
If somebody doesn't want to be helped you can't help them.
This is so true. I've had to learn it the hard way. It's very true when they say that you shouldn't light yourself on fire to keep others warm. That stuff just leads to burnout.
Fallen....
Don't fall in love with potential.
Can be many things. Big things, small things. That someone who's inattentive will pay attention if you just try hard enough to show them it's important. That someone who constantly self-sabotages will stop if you show them they're worthy. That an addict will get clean if you support them enough. That someone violent will stop if you love them enough.
It's not your job to fix your partner. Either you love them the way they are (and you should have a long, hard look if "who they are" is really what you think or if that's just your idea of them), or you don't. If it's the latter, you may need to move on.
This isn't the same as growing together, that's an inevitable process based on equality. Your partner can't be like an investment into a rotting house that you just need to fix and then it'll be great to live in.
I'll be there for you....
That no matter how much you care for and value someone they're never obligated to be the same to you. Especially friends.
Dealing with this currently. Friends since pre school and basically attached at the hip right up until we left school and went to a community college together.
After we got jobs he was harder to get into contact with. We would hang out on occasion but I always reached out and never other way around. He got distant and i asked if he was ok and did I do something wrong, he said it's all ok, then one day he flat out ghosted me.
Has new friends now from what I can see. Still not quite sure what happened but I do not wish him ill and hope he is happy. Hope you are doing ok as well.
A Better Me
Alexa Bliss Reaction GIF by WWEGiphyI am nowhere near as smart, nice, or likable as I thought I was to myself.
This is also the first step to becoming a smarter, nicer, and more likable person.
"last times"
Don't take anything for granted, things change so fast and life is really short. I remember having so many friends not that long ago, who are now strangers.
A big one for me is how many "last times" you're going to have, and how often you won't realize it's a last time. Things can change so fast. Go bowling every Monday? Have a convention you and your friends go to yearly? Hang out regularly with the same people?
One day is going to be the last time it happens and almost without fail you will not know. Then you go days without talking to someone, then weeks, then months, then one day you realize that you aren't really friends anymore. No major fallout, just your lives are no longer compatible.
As time goes by....
Share Love GIFGiphyWhen it comes to grief Time does not heal all wounds. It dulls it, but one trigger and it floods back.
I learned this after my dad & grandma died in 2015. Sad I know, but I resent the fact that people kept telling me I wouldn't feel it one day. I think we need to be honest about that so people know how to cope with grief in the right way & not hold out for a day when it won't be there lurking in the shadows.
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People Share Facts About Themselves They Are Struggling To Accept
Self reflection is often quite difficult, because it can require us to accept some pretty uncomfortable things about ourselves.
Whether it's a major character flaw or just our own inability to deal with life, sometimes taking a deep look into ourselves is not at all fun
Reddit user u/sl*t4plums asked:
“What's a fact about yourself that you struggle to accept?"
10.
I'm growing older. I still feel young, but I'm in my 30s. That means 40s aren't too far away, and I know that this decade flew by fast, I'm certain that the 40s will too, which mean 50s, are also not too far away, then 60s, etc.
There's nothing I can do about it, but I do miss my 20s sometimes and I know I can't ever be that again. That is rough to have to accept.
9.
I am just about intelligent enough to know that I am not that intelligent.
My high school biology teacher once said "if all of the knowledge in the world is an ocean, and you have a thimble-full; you're doing fine." He put into perspective that you don't need to know everything - in fact it would be impossible given the ocean - to be successful in life. I've become content with the amount of knowledge I have, but am always learning more and more.
8.
My unhappiness and loneliness is mostly my own fault.
Here's to hoping both of us have progress in this area of our lives...
7.
That I devoted all of my time to studying just so I can get a good job, that I can't even cook anything mildly difficult without screwing it up.
Same here. It's a combination of being clumsy and not feeling like cooking a full meal after getting home from work.
That's why my microwave is my best friend
6.
That I am completely average. I'm sort of good at a lot of things, but I'm nowhere near extraordinary or gifted as my schooling suggested.
5.
I always see the good in people, but fail to see the bad and often get taken advantage of.
4.
I might never be happy. I have certain goals that I think "Maybe once this happens everything will be ok." But what if I achieve it and still feel nothing? Depression is a real b*tch.
Even if happiness never becomes an option for you, you can still always choose to be kind to others and help them get to where they need to be even if you can't...
That's the conclusion I've recently come to... If I ever had a dream/ goal it's been lost for so long I don't even remember having one. I'm freshly 30 y/o, have several life times of student loan debt, no valuable or marketable skills or abilities that can get me out of the dead end job I have now. All I can do is help others get to the mountaintop that i'll never see the view from myself, and that's not a great place to be, but not the worst place either.
3.
I'm ok with being reclusive. I enjoy my time to myself.
I do struggle to accept that I will generally be less "popular" because I'm not as "available" as I should be for socializing.
Samesies. All at once I revel in spending time alone, but hate that I don't have a big group of friends, or that I'm not out doing stuff with people all the time. I spent almost a year traveling the world by myself, and while I had so much fun and would do it again in a heartbeat, I often felt so damn lonely, because i'd look around and see groups of travelers making friends and doing things together, and I often struggled to do that myself. At the same time, I loved every minute. It's a weeeeeeird ass dichotomy.
1.
Try as I might, I will never get over the past. It's holding me back without question, and I might not ever find a remedy.
We all have skeletons in our closet, but who were doesn't define who we choose to become. I don't know you, but just from your statement I can tell that you're not someone who's beyond hope. Stay strong my friend.