Curious to hear from strangers online, Redditor mistarry asked:
What's the worst relationship advice you've ever heard?
Highly insecure people may be prone to taking these words of advice.
Using Ultimatums
"To test how much they’d fight for me with petty remarks and ultimatums. Kind of like 'you didn’t say you missed me' or 'if you don’t come by today then I’ll have to move on.' I did not listen to them, and I’m glad I didn’t."
– milkbreadsimp
Exploitation Of Attractiveness
"Those people who 'test the loyalty' by hiring attractive people to flirt with them via instagram. People have suggested it directly. Please don't. It's all sorts of wrong."
– noahisadumba**_
When It's Up To The Other Person To Salvage A Relationship
“You can fix him.”
–Rina_Bambina
"Why would you even want to? You could be with someone who’s actually a desirable partner in the first place."
– BigPoopity
Times may have changed, but that doesn't necessarily mean certain suggestions aged well.
Outdated Expression
"'Love means never having to say you're sorry.' ... That's the dumbest, 1970s, movie tag-line sh*t I've ever heard."
– J_David_Settle_1973
Bringing Life
"Have a child, it’ll make your problems go away and you can understand each other better. Lulz."
– pgg1610
Dodged A Bullet
"My ex wife consistently tried to pressure me into having a child towards the end of our marriage. Not sure if she thought it would save the marriage or to cover infidelity but I flat out refused. It was mainly because we were nowhere near ready financially and I also saw how rocky the marriage had been. One of the best decisions of my life."
– Gone_Back
Harsh Concept
"Treat em mean, keep em keen."
– k1ll3rGorilla
One Size Fits All
"Always be the one who wears the pants."
"Horrible, horrible advice I got from my mom. She was super upset when I told her that we're a team and that both of us wear the pants."
– BuffOne1124
Idealized romantic notions are better left in Harlequin romance novels found at the grocery store checkout counter. Like these:
Not It
"The whole idea of 'the one.' Nothing kills more relationships than this notion of whether or not they’ve found 'the one.' Have an argument? You start being paranoid they aren’t 'the one.' Have a small personality clash? Start being paranoid they aren’t 'the one.' Have different dreams or goals? Wonder if they are 'the one.' Have different hobbies? Wonder if they are 'the one.' I’ve seen so many relationships crumble because people are so damn quick to chalk up their partner as the 'wrong one' as opposed to trying to work through problems like an adult."
– Johnnywannabe
Change The Perspective
"'Follow your heart' While having the feeling of love is important, it can be confused with infatuation. If you have family or friends that tell you the relationship is bad or isn't going to work, take that into consideration. Try to take a step back and look at the situation. On a happier note, best advice I've gotten is 'Love is a choice' The feeling will come and go. If you really want to have a long term relationship, you'll have to chose to love when things are hard."
– yttikmood
When it comes to marriage, these ideas may be more of a miss than bliss.
**s Backwards
"Get married first. You can take your time to get to know them after that."
"WHAT THE F'K."
– Walteryuen99
"Arbitrary External Standards"
"'Marriage is meant to be holy, not happy.' This was genuine advice from my (at the time) MIL while my marriage was actively failing and my then - husband manipulating and gas lighting me. And I believed it at the time. F'k that, don't structure your relationships around arbitrary external standards."
– cornygiraffe
That Glue That Shouldn't Hold It All Together
"Stay together for the kids."
"It's not in the kid's best interest when the relationship is abusive."
– ancientflowers
Maybe some of these work in your relationships. Or maybe not.
The thing about most relationships is that open communication can usually solve many of the problems, and that is more effective than any old adage casually dispensed to you by a well-meaning friend.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
SURPRISE!!
Kristen Wiig Surprise GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphyOne post that stood out for me was a guy asking for advice after finding out his girl was lying to him about where she went one afternoon.
The whole comment section rallied with torches and pitchforks, telling him she's cheating and he should just leave.
Anyway, turned out she lied cause she got him a lovely birthday present (a snake, cause the guy loves snakes) and met up with a breeder that afternoon to sort everything out. Glad the dude didn't listen and just asked her what happened instead.
The Dog Way
I didn't follow the terrible advice that they gave me. I posted there once basically to rant that my girlfriend and her roommates had given a temporal home to a street dog, and now that they had to move the roommates wanted to get rid of the dog (put it to sleep or put it back in the street) because their new apartment didn't accept pets. So I took the dog in my home and I was stressed because it was the first week and the dog was a handful, and the roommates didn't care at all.
Relationship advice? Give the dog to a shelter (because you will never love it) and break up with my gf (because she's a horrible person and you will resent her. A user literally said "this is the beginning of the end of your relationship).
What did I do? Talk with my gf, tell her I felt frustrated and that I really disliked that she and her friends had taken the dog out of the streets without thinking of the future. She told me she understood that and that she was going to pay for everything the dog needed until we (as a couple) could move in together, but that she wasn't going to act like the dog wasn't her responsibility.
2 years later, she has always paid for the food, vet, check ups, everything. And we're moving in together soon and taking the dog with us. So yeah, I'm glad I didn't listed to that terrible advice.
Edit: Apparently you can't mention a dog in reddit without posting pics so here's a picture of my dog https://imgur.com/a/a3O1t7m
All the Hands....
On one hand, they helped me get the courage to leave a legitimately toxic relationship (dude was super controlling and manipulative, and was cheating on me the entire time). Then again, I also consulted with other people in my actual life like my parents and friends.
On the other hand, they also told me to just walk up and kiss, without asking, my best friend whom I had a crush on. I was asking how I should talk to him about my feelings in a way that WASN'T going to be awkward if he didn't feel the same.
Also, asked opinions on if a guy i was talking to was planning on ghosting me. Everyone assumed he was seeing another woman and that i should just let him go. Ended up asking him instead, and turns out he was having trouble with his anxiety and depression, and that he was too afraid to talk about it with me because he didn't want to scare me away, and that he wasn't just neglecting me. He was very appreciative that I asked him what was going on.
The Gem
I've been the subject of horrible advice there but never posted myself. My ex posted about me on there and then made me read the comments. Basically using this forum to justify his thinking that I was the worst and he was a victim. Like dude you literally made me read hate mail until I cried, you were never the gem you thought you were.
Also, he ended up trying to cheat on me with my best friend. She locked herself in the bathroom until I got home so she could tell me what happened.
A Family Affair
smh GIFGiphySaw a kid posting about how he wasn't getting along with his parents (they were making him work or something normal parents do), and Reddit told him he should basically confront them and tell them off. Next update post said that they kicked him out of the house... not positive but I think the Reddit lynch mob dropped the ball on that one.
Foolish
There was a this guy who went on reddit asking for advice about his wife asking for a divorce. A user suggested he consult with all the lawyers in the area so that there would be some kind of conflict of interest and they would not be able to consult his wife. He ended up getting soooo screwed because his wife's lawyer knew what he was doing and threatened stuff to make him stop. OP ended up divorced iirc....
The Downvote....
I once argued with someone there that FIRST the person should speak openly and honestly about what's bothering them before going straight to leaving. They responded "I figure if they're posting for advice on Reddit, they've already taken the logical steps". Oh how wrong you are, my friend, and yet I got downvoted.
No thanks....
I didn't take the advice provided. I asked for help and tips into making a relationship healthy and how to communicate properly, as my parents had a very toxic relationship and I don't have much of an idea of what an actually healthy relationship looks like. I included a bit of my parent's relationship as an example of what I want to avoid. My boyfriend treats me amazingly and he's an absolute precious sweetheart. I made sure to include this in the post to avoid having to deal with some misconceptions.
Well, guess what, I got told over and over to break up and to leave my boyfriend, that if it would be a good relationship I wouldn't have to ask for advice. Some people straight up told me that my parent's relationship is great and I should follow their footsteps...... my father is an abusive alcoholic and my mother a mentally abusive one. No. No freaking thank you.
After about 2O comments telling me to leave this wonderful man and encouraging a lot of the negative behavior shown from my parents, I just deleted the post and took a long long break from that subreddit.
"we need to try to fix this."
I wasn't the one getting advice, my girlfriend was. We had been together 6 years. Honestly, it had been long distance for a year, we were drifting apart, it definitely wouldn't have lasted regardless. But I went to her place for the weekend (again, long distance at that point so that's the only time I'd see her), and she point blank said it was over, there would be no changing her mind, it isn't up for discussion, go home.
It's kinda crazy but I knew she used Reddit but I didn't and didn't know what it was. A couple months later I started using it and found her by random coincidence. She was commenting on a news article directly related to her team at her University and based on the username there's no way it could have been anyone else. I made the mistake of looking at her profile and seeing she was very active in relationship advice and once I learned how that place operates it all made sense.
This was about 6 years ago at this point and it still effects me. After that much time, I feel I was at least owed the honest discussion of "we need to try to fix this." She was such a major part of my life that it really messed me up for a while. I almost lost my job due to constant panic attacks, just generally being super unstable, etc. Again, it never would've lasted anyway, but those a--holes telling her to immediately break all ties with me hurt me worse than anything in my life and it still has lasting effects.
Why Bother?
Confused Gwyneth Paltrow GIFGiphyGod i never go on that sub anymore because everyone's solution is just to break up, even if its something small like not getting a haircut. "Well if he doesn't want to cut his hair for you that means he doesn't value you or care about you as a person, break up with him." Like ??? I wasn't even complaining about his long hair though??
The Sob Story
I posted years ago, because my then bf and I had a fight. He was religious, I wasn't and the fight seemed to be about that. Reddit told me to break up, this wouldn't work out.
What I didn't realize was, that we didn't fight about religion but about our expectations of our relationship. Once we got that behind we had a great time. We got married last week, after 6 years together.
In case you wonder if this is just some made-up sob story:
Looking for Red
lns209 looking GIF by truTV's Late Night SnackGiphyI never posted but used to read stories on there all the time. I eventually had to stop because I started getting overly suspicious about my husband. It was ridiculous, I was constantly looking for red flags in our relationship and ended up being the red flag. I haven't been back on there in years.
Let's Chat
It wasn't relationship advice but it was another online advice thing called lyf. Basically when I first started seeing my boyfriend I noticed he was paying a little less attention to me (he did have a lot.going on at the time as well, also things get less intense after a bit and I do have a habit of overthinking until I panic). He said he'd come with me to pick up a bike and I was calling and messaging him all day but couldn't get a response and I was starting to run out of time till I had to go. One person just said "you need to end it, he doesn't respect you enough" basically.
He responded just in the nick of time for me to pick him up to get this bike, and immediately when he got in the car and saw how upset I was, he apologized and explained because he had stayed late to help pack up after a big event. (which I know was true because I had stayed to help for a bit too) It ended up going on way longer than expected and, with everything else, he had just been so exhausted he slept through his alarms, my phone calls etc.
It's over a year later now and we're fine, just moved into a house together. We have problems sometimes but we have this fool proof system called "talking about it". Really groundbreaking stuff, pioneered in the last two years, were early adopters.
"cut him off"
I asked for advice on how to handle seeing my ex best friend because he would always try to provoke me or start arguments when I'd see him, and I'd see him often because we have mutual friends.
I mentioned in one line that my husband never liked the friend, and as a result I got 20+ people telling me I'm a horrible wife and I should have cut my friend off as soon as my husband said anything, and I should be focusing on my marriage instead of my friend, and I'm probably having an emotional affair because I'm getting emotionally close to another man and I seem "overly attached" to him. I argued with a few people, but they were all certain my relationship was being destroyed by my actions and my "defensiveness" was a sign I'm just a cheating witch trying to cover it up.
They started discussing in the comments how they felt sorry for my husband being married to someone like me.
So I asked my husband about it. He literally laughed and asked me where I got that idea, then told me I shouldn't take advice from reddit people.
No one gave me any advice for dealing with my friend except "cut him off", which I was already doing.
We like him now....
cat boyfriend GIF by TiffanyGiphyIt reminded me that the only opinion that truly matters is mine.
Posted using a throwaway account about how my family doesn't like that my boyfriend isn't like my sister's husband. I'm glad I took the advice to stick to my guns as it turns out my brother in law is a crappy person at times. And I mean its like my sister contemplated divorce levels of bad. My parents realized that my boyfriend isn't that bad after all and they accept him now.
You First
I posted looking for advice regarding a girl I was getting close with but who wasn't ready for a relationship.
The advice was actually pretty decent: -Take care of your own feelings first. -It might not be the right timing for you two. -etc etc...
Well we're not in a relationship and we're not the same kind of close anymore. Oh well, such is life. We're still good friends though so I think it turned out the best way possible.
Granted I had a pretty run of the mill relationship problem and was looking for a place to vent and get some sound advice. So I'd say it served its purpose for me.
The Toxicity
I've seen some people get real help there getting a push to run from a toxic partner and that is good but lately I felt like it's not a good place for someone like me who's never sure of their relationships and feelings you might get swayed too easily.
Be Better Redditors....
Oh God, sometimes I lurk there for the free cringe. The Redditors that frequent that sub have some serious issues they need to address. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/family issue? Well, better break up with them, tell them to hit the road, divorce them, or cut them out of your life completely. It's pretty ridiculous. Those people have some deep seeded family or attachment issues, it's pretty sad.
I See You...
Taking the advice of relationship advice, my ex decided to continue to flirt with her co worker and let our 10 year relationship fall apart. Ended up leaving her and meeting a much better partner and she ended up getting a UTI (from said co worker) and is still single 1 year later. Best part was when one savvy Redditor went through her history and saw that she posted about her crush while complaining about her relationship with me. She deleted the post shortly after but long enough for me to see it.
The Execution....
tea gossip GIF by Wendy WilliamsGiphyI feel like I have never gotten terrible advice but however was terrible at executing the advice therefore ending any chance I had at having the relationship happen. Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.