Redditor LuckyC1723 wanted to hear what the immediate big turn offs when dating online.
"When it comes to dating apps, what is an automatic 'pass' for you?"
I hold a great disdain for the darting apps in general. But this should be good.
Use your words...
Swiping Season 2 GIF by NBCGiphy"Single word replies to everything with no effort to make conversation. If you weren't interested, why TF did you match."
eternalankh
Let's Learn
"A profile that's just a list of demands. 'Don't be this, don't do this, spend money on me, do this, do that, etc.'"
yensid7
"Same. I want to learn about you. I'm supposed to be seeing if I'm interested in you by reading this thing. That said, I'm expected to make my profile about me so you can decide if you're interested in me."
"Anyone who has a list of rules about me pisses me off. One because it's obvious you're crazy demanding. Two, it signals you have no personality of your own to talk about. Three, you can't follow simple instructions! It's ok to include some stuff about what you look for in a partner but 'demands a no-go.'
justfriendly
Needs/Demands
"Talk too much about who they want and not enough about who they are."
FormalTheory
"Yes! 100% agree. You don't have to declare what you're looking for in detail, you decide that yourself by who you like or reply to or whatever. The purpose of your profile should be to describe yourself."
PhysicsDude55
"Well tbh I don’t talk about who I am in my profile because I don’t like someone telling me they’re funny or witty or loyal either. Those are things you prove. Show me your character traits and show me your humor. Don’t tell me about them."
hungry_lobster
Cuz your so special?
"People who behave like they're too good for you. Instant no."
adgvogamer
"It looks like setting expectations to me. Lots of people would probably be disappointed or angry if the messages stop or are sporadic, so it's only polite to let them know."
"People don't owe you shaping their daily lives around consistently messaging you. The expectation that they do reeks of insecurity."
"There are people who do truly feel and act as if they're 'better than you' in that way. I just wanted to point out that most of the time it's just a disclaimer."
stretcharach
Entertain Me
Over It Wow GIF by The Comeback HBOGiphy"Don't be boring."
Spirited-Ad-8061
"Basically saying 'got noting interesting to offer so I will need you to be the interesting one and do the heavy lifting in this relationship.'"
Trollhaxs
I'm about to give up. The memories are flooding back.
Lies
no thank you do not want GIF by Music ChoiceGiphy“'I’m actually 20, I don't know why it says 24. lol.'”
"Or something to that effect."
benkenobi239
Not Best
"'If you can't handle me at my worst.....' swipe left..."
"It particularly sucks because in some way, the quote is true. People will not always be at their best. Sometimes their worst will come out even if it is only 2% of the time only for their partner to leave and say they want nothing to do with it (obviously excluding abusive behaviors) because they want you to be 100% happy, cheerful and joyful at all times."
RainbowLoli
Oh Girl Please
"Calling themselves an 'alpha."
Nira_Re
"If you have to TELL PEOPLE you're an alpha... you're not an alpha. Self-identified alphas are just men with weak egos and no real personality trying to prop themselves up with things they think make them attractive."
"'Alpha male' concept is also BS."
aviatorlj
Empty
"A blank profile that doesn't say anything about them. Like an IG or snapchat handle... that's it. And then you go to their IG and it's private and their bio is something like 'Not here often follow me on snapchat' and you go to their snapchat and it's like 'Not here often. Subscribe to my only fans' then you go to their onlyfans and... it goes on and on and on."
ami2weird4u
Ok Bundy
Hannibal Lecter Killer GIFGiphy"Those serial killer pics. You know, when you’re sitting and staring down at the camera and for some reason you’re sitting in the car or a basement, not smiling and you took like five pics in a row and uploaded all of them."
yuri_yk
pay up...
"People who brag about paying their own bills like it isn’t already something you’re supposed to be doing."
Owlcifer
"I didn’t put this in my bio but I’m not even out of college and that’s true for me. For most in my area that is an achievement to pay my own bills and to be on my own without any college debt or help from parents. Considering where I came from growing up I’m pretty proud of all of that."
Calfredie01
"I pay my bills my bills are paid."
CoucheOpaque
Common
“'Aspiring milf' I swear every time I swipe I see at least five of these, come up with some original to put in a bio at least like damn."
Jr4D
"I don't get the hate? Assuming it's serious (and they'd 'stick to it') that's basically saying 'I want to have kids and don't want to let myself go after settling down.' That seems pretty in line with what I'd want. What, other than it being too common, makes it a problem."
00zau
Just Half
"Thinking smoking weed is a personality trait."
DEmLilBoiz
"Same applies to alcohol. If 80% of your "best" pictures involve a glass of wine or a bottle of beer, that tells me enough about you to swipe left."
kreankorm
"This. So much. I don't care if they partake of the devil's lettuce but stop treating it like it's your whole persona."
EmseMCE
"I also hate it when people think that traveling, eating, and working out, makes you special. *itch everyone likes to eat food and everyone would travel the world if they had daddy’s money."
JohnyyBanana
Lacking
Bored Episode 15 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy"Condescension. Focus on what they don’t want/like instead of what they do. Lack of effort in writing their bio. Zoomed in pictures of abs."
tzazeke
high/low
"I’m in a happy relationship currently, but any use of the language 'high/low value male/female.'"
perplexedvortex
"This and the alpha beta talk for guys. My God sometimes I forget what year it is."
BlueAvenueAcornLane
"It's hilarious. The alpha/beta stuff was debunked and doesn't even apply to the wolves it was originally based on, let alone humans with completely different social dynamics."
Amosral
Who are you?
"When they have so many filters and only close up shots from the chin up."
ConvenienceStoreDiet
"All my friends use SOOO many filters and I refuse to use any... and I throw full body shots on there that are super unflattering so you know exactly what I look like on a bad day lol I'm not trying to fool anyone, you either accept my fat butt on low effort days as well as when I feel like a 10 or you can keep swiping lol."
LavaLampWax
Just Go
Cartoon Goodbye GIF by Scooby-DooGiphy"If any statement includes 'if you can't handle,' nah, I'm out. Because if she can't handle me at my most selective, then she doesn't deserve me at my most openminded. Also, demanding that you be original while her profile is exactly the same as 99% of other women's profiles, f**k that."
EponymousTitular
"If you can't handle me at my Scoobiest, you don't deserve my Doobiest."
oc974
Proportions
"When they start listing what they don't want, stuff like 'don't talk to me if you're under 6'0' tall."
TheEvelynn
"I've seen that a couple of times before. Even though I'm over 6 foot I don't bother with them. I could do without that kind of arrogance in my life."
"I get that for some people it is a deal breaker even though it doesn't really matter (I have a few dealbreakers like that myself that I wish I didn't have) but to put it in such a way just shows you're a bit of a twat."
DeafeningMilk
And on top of this we have to worry about monkeypox? Forget it.
Do you have things that make you instantly want to swipe left? Let us know in the comments.
I can't talk about this, in order to protect the "innocent."
No Interest
Youre Not Funny GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy"She rejected me again. This time for a home loan."
PlanarVet
Off to College
"Not exactly a rejection, but my after going off to college my then-GF from high school told her ultra-religious mother that we’d been fooling around. Her mother had her break up with me and confess to their entire church what she’d been doing with me. A few years ago I heard from a friend in my hometown and he told me that my ex-GF had never done anything after that."
"She went to college, but it was a local school and she never moved out of her mom’s house. She never got a job in her field and still (20 years later) has the same job she had in high school - not just the same employer the same position. She never even dated again after her mom broke us up. It’s like she’s been stuck in stasis since that time."
USPO-222
"there"
"She was my first love, and she broke my heart. I let it haunt me. About four or five years later, we actually started dating again, just long enough to realize we'd both grown in different directions. There was no 'there' there anymore. All we ever really had was that we were young together. Which was great. But that time was in the past. It was a very therapeutic revelation. Set me free."
jimmyjazz2000
The Tattoo Girl
"I went to a concert to see one of my favorite bands, a girl noticed a tattoo I had on my side and showed me a similar one that she had. We talked a bit in between bands until I asked for her number to try to talk to her some. She said no she wasn't cool with that and I said alright no worries and enjoyed the rest of the concert."
"Few months pass by and the band rolls around again, and there she is again. Didn't try asking again because she already said no once before. We see tattoos hug and how each other are doing and make small conversations. Enjoy the concert and go our separate ways."
"Few months pass by again and the band comes through. See her again except this time we know each other without having to compare tattoos. We enjoy the show and as we're leaving I notice she's basically trapped between two guys. She sees me and yells 'hey I've been looking for you! Ready to head back to the airBnB.' So I said 'I've been trying to find you too. Yeah I'm good to go.'"
"Walked her the few blocks back to where she was staying. We had a nice chat during the walk, and ask if she needs anything before I left since I had a good drive back home. And that was it. We talk at the occasional shows we see each other at and on IG from time to time, but I'm glad she felt comfortable enough knowing that she could trust me to make sure she was safe."
CaptainNinj
Hey Neighbor
Giphy"She stood me up on Valentine’s Day three years ago. She’s now my next door neighbor, talked to her a couple times but we aren’t friends or anything."
Zombiejesus8890
Being neighbors? Now that is a special kind of cosmic humor.
Bad Shot
Best Friends Hug GIF by Alex BedderGiphy"I saw a girl from high school at a reunion. She never rejected me because I never had the nerve to ask. At the reunion she confessed that she had a crush on me. You miss all the shots you never take."
AMLRoss
Out of my League...
"We met at a work trip and had great conversations and a connection. When we returned back to our hometown, we went out for some drinks, and she rejected me at the end of the night when I leaned in for a kiss. I thought she was out of my league at that point. We texted for a bit and then went our own ways."
"Little did I know after going our separate ways for two years, I would be tapped at work again for another trip as an emergency replacement. Guess who was running the event? That’s right. She was. We reconnected the first day, and then spent the next night together. Two years later, she’s my fiancé. You never know where life will take you and what timing might mean."
Savage2929
Christmas...
"I met this woman near Christmas of 1999 or 2000, had a wonderful night of chatting, dancing, just a perfect night. I live near her so I drop her off in the taxi. She said she was leaving shortly for Australia so wasn't looking for anything major, but to give her a call later in the week and we'd go do something. She never responded. It was a wonderful night though, and something I always fondly remembered."
"Fast forward to 2019, I meet this woman on tinder, we have a great brunch and end it with a hug and a kiss. Start seeing each other regularly. After a couple of weeks I drop her off at her mum's house - looks so familiar, it's the same house I dropped that woman off 19 years ago."
"This woman I'm dating is that woman - who doesn't remember it, doesn't remember me at all. Such a wonderful insight into how there's two sides to every tale. We didn't last long as a couple, but it was really interesting to be able to cross off one of those that got away."
ddmf
Bumps
"We bumped into each other buying lawndarts at Walmart. She was pregnant and in Cookie Monster PJs, and I was in what were essentially male booty shorts, as my friends swimtrunks fit too short. We were literally both buying packs of lawndarts. We laughed, but both knew deep down inside that that Walmart run was embarrassing AF."
theglowoflove
All's Good
vintage agree GIF by hoppipGiphy"We met again after ~6 years and became good friends."
throwawayaj218
Not too bad. Even when it's calm though, that feeling of no never fully goes away.
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"What are some effective ways to get a woman to stop hitting on you?"
The following can shatter their preconceived notions they've had of you.
Parental Guidance
"Tell her you have to ask your mom first."
– theomniconian
Community Creators
"Tell them about the discords you're an admin for"
"Ah nvm that never works."
– ThisAnswerIsLit
Two Options
"Tell her about your crypto holdings, and if that doesn't work, your desire for a good Christian wife at home giving you 9 kids."
– FlyingBike
More Time On The Pot
"On this same tip, just go to the bathroom constantly. Do it an inordinate and possibly annoyingly large amount of times. It will either annoy her and she'll end it, or ask what's up. If she does, you tell her you'd rather deal with your own sh*t than hers, hence all the time on the toilet."
– Im_still_T
These are considered instant turn-offs.
Auto-Response
"Bark at her."
"Edit: worked for a buddy."
– LatelySad
Potty Humor
"Flatulence."
– Fickle-Bat8433
"On this same tip, just go to the bathroom constantly. Do it an inordinate and possibly annoyingly large amount of times. It will either annoy her and she'll end it, or ask what's up. If she does, you tell her you'd rather deal with your own sh*t than hers, hence all the time on the toilet."
– Im_still_T
The Hiss
"Hiss at her and run away Naruto style."
– No_Web2325
Get Soiled
"You'd be surprised how many awkward social encounters sh*tting your pants will get you out of."
– Archangel616
Human Fire Hydrant
"Pee on her leg while she's standing next to you."
– TeenyIzeze
Going For The Jugular
"Nuclear option: Tell her you're not interested because she's fat."
"Had a girl who was 'with' my buddy at the time, and was going behind him and trying to get with me at a concert. I repeatedly told her no, because she was with him. She wouldn't accept that answer and kept pushing, saying she was done with him and over him. I dropped the F bomb after about 5 minutes of back and forth, with little alternative left. I got a slap in the face, but I didn't let my buddy's girl in my pants."
"Some women are very aggressive in their pursuit. O_o"
– Grifballhero
Do Social Media
"Open reddit."
– deathbylightmode
"I second this. create a new user make sure it has the word 'incel' in it too."
– luminous60
A little humiliation goes a long way.
Look At Me
"My face is usually effective enough at doing that."
– yeetgodmcnechass
Unapologetically You
"Being myself seems to have worked so far."
– khalamar
Letting Her In On "The Bet"
"Remind her that she didn't have to take that bet with her friends to hit on the ugliest guy in the room."
– Foxk
The First Thing
"Well step one is to be attractive enough to get hit on.... Step 1 is the hardest step 😔"
– asiansAREwatchingALL
Sometimes, the good ole fashioned truth is the best option.
Redditor decorama said:
"Be direct. 'I am flattered, but I'm sorry, I'm just not interested'. Done."
Everyone deserves a chance to be given credit for understanding the truth and moving on.
However, if they respond negatively, refer to any of the above to drop the bomb on the persistent women who can't take "no" for an answer.
Scat you later!
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As a professional actor and writer, rejection is in my DNA. I don't know who I'd be without rejection. Which is sad, but that's a convo for later. Professionally I can't escape it, but I try.
She's Weird
Hannibal Lecter Killer GIFGiphy"One week into the relationship we were gonna have sex. I went a little overboard setting out rose petals, candles, music and champagne in the corner. She thought I was a serial killer and we ended it."
- BVNINC
"not today"
"I went travelling through Sweden with a friend back in college, which was a lot longer ago than I want to admit. He was completely enamored with Swedish women and was continually attempting to seduce them. "Excuse me, do you speak English?" he asked one of them one day, to which she replied "not today" and continued walking."
Listen Britney!
"At 19, I was working at the video store in my hometown. There was going to be a lot of renovations in the building so the store was closed for a few days. Management scheduled a meeting to get everyone up to date for new stuff, and to prepare for a new internal contest, divide people into groups for the contest, etc."
"I couldn't attend the meeting because it was my mother's wedding on that day. The wedding was amazing, everybody had lots of fun and it was genuinely one of the best events I've ever been to. The day after I come back to work, ecstatic and happy from the day before. Every employee is happy to see me, one of them tells me they named the group I was assigned to "Britney bi*ches" or something just for me (I'm a big Britney fan). My boss eventually calls me to meet him upstairs in his office with my supervisor."
"I expect it's because he wants to bring me up to date on the goings and what happened at the meeting. Turns out he fired me. For a few months I had been losing motivation to be working effectively, and I had confided in my supervisor about my problems (she and I got close over the years, so I felt comfortable confiding in her) . Mind you, for a month before the firing I was back on track at work."
"The boss told me he fired me because he was scared I was gonna lose my motivation again. I had to do the walk of shame towards the exit. On the day after my mother's amazing wedding. I came home to my mom's and said "I just got fired". Basically one of the worst days of my life. NEVER CONFIDE YOUR PERSONAL PROBLEMS TO YOUR SUPERIORS FOLKS."
Dead End
"Asked a girl out in high school just before a week long holiday, to which she had said yes and gave me her number. Every time I tried to call her she was miraculously not there, even though she could be heard in the background. Turns out she told her friends, all excited, and then her friends told her not to go through with it."
In the Snow
Sad Cartoon GIFGiphy"When I was still in high school I came home late from work to find all my belongings on the front lawn in the snow. My drunk mother and her crazy boyfriend decided it was time to get rid of me. Haven't trusted anyone since."
Oof, that's a lot of painful memories to dissect in therapy. People really can be cruel. And it's unprofessional to relieve people of their duties while inflicting misery. Just think about it.
She's Evil
Roseanne Barr 80S Movies GIF by absurdnoiseGiphy"She laughed at me then proceeded to get her friends to laugh as well and then after that people would ask me out as a joke and then say ewwww no if I said yes the result being I haven't been able to trust if someone is genuinely attracted to me and I still don't trust most people."
Super unprofessional...
"Got rejected from a job as an RA when literally everyone else was accepted. I asked why and it's because when they asked about something I had overcome, I had said that I used to have difficulty interacting with parents until I worked two public facing roles, and now was super confident. They decided that meant I was too shy for the role. They never even READ my resume. Super unprofessional."
Hide the Comments
"Not really a rejection, but in high school, I was in class talking to some people in a circle. I got up to leave and as I was walking away, one of them uttered "Wow, he has the worst acne I have ever seen." At the time it bothered me, but it never got me depressed or anything."
"I eventually got on accutane which cured it. The cruelty of that comment makes me laugh today. High school was fun in that it had so many weird social moments. I like to think kids are nicer today, because I consider myself lucky that I didn't let comments like that get to me."
People Explain Which Conspiracy Theories They Believe Are 100% True | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
On a Saturday morning...
"I was a lot younger at the time, and I was really into this girl I went to school with (I was about 9). On a Saturday morning, I'd finally summoned the confidence to ask her out. I mustered the confidence, dressed up, and strolled around the block to her house. I paused, took a big breath, and knocked on the door."
"She responded, "There was no precursor for me; I just went ahead and asked her out." She paused, gave me an odd look, replied no, and shut the door behind me, leaving me despondent in the street. On Monday, I went to school and was greeted with a barrage of laughter."
"It turned out that I'd tried to ask her out while her grandparents were standing outside the door, and they weren't impressed with some scruffy 9-year-old in strange clothes knocking on the door at 0800 to invite their devoutly Catholic granddaughter out on a date. We didn't speak to each other after that. It was brought up again in school."
Only the Lonely
Sad Baby GIF by Angry BirdsGiphy"My best female friend had a habit of using me as a rebound. So after the third time this happened stuff starts going sideways and she hit me with "you're the guy I hit up when I'm lonely."
"I thought you were gay"
"I broke up with a girl in junior high and she proceeded to tell the entire school that the reason for our split was because I was gay (in 1980 this was a not nearly the same as today). Later that year I went up to a girl and asked her to an upcoming dance -- she sneered at me and said "I thought you were gay" and just walked away. This stigma followed me all the way through high school (small town in Prince Edward Island, Canada)."
"And I didn't have another girlfriend until after I left the province to move to Ontario. Didn't help that my first name is Ray, which prompted my inevitable nickname through the period. Not gay, not at all effeminate... yet this stuck to me for years and essentially ruined my life until I moved."
- mindspan
Those Girls
"I remember when I was backpacking Europe with my college roommate we were in Germany waiting for an overnight train so we went for drinks nearby. We met these girls who were there and started getting along so we missed our train. So now we're in town for the night so the girls were eager to show us around the nightlife."
"I can't remember how we got separated but I wound up going back to the bar where the insanely gorgeous waitress was giving me free drinks then offers to let me sleep in her car then she'll drive me to her place to cook me breakfast in the morning."
"I'm trying to sleep and hear them banging on the window trying to get me to go with them (I didn't want to because that waitress was really hot) but went out drinking until 6am with them then got on our train and they gave us their contact info. Roommate and I part ways for a few days and he decides he's going back to see those girls."
"Good, one of us better be getting laid after that night. Buddy shows up, let's them know it's just him in town and if they wanted to go out again. They tell him they're lesbians and totally brush him off. He was devastated since we hit it off so well and they seemed excited to see us again."
Puzzled
"I was at university and chatted up this really cute girl. I thought things were really going great, when she says she had to rush off, but wrote her name and number on a piece of paper before leaving. When I called the number, a guy with a deep voice answered and said in a very puzzled voice that he didn't know anyone of that name. Nobody writes their own number down wrong, so I guess things weren't going as well as I thought."
Can we talk?
"Was at a bar/restaurant for my moms birthday (maybe 10-12 people with us). I got very drunk, and some girl was singing karaoke and was extremely talented. After she was done I went up to her and said how impressive she was, she said thanks, and I walked away. Should have ended at that, because a few drinks later my drunken desperate mind goes "I should ask her out."
"I walk up to her and awkwardly tap her shoulder, without realizing she's sitting there with her family and her father lol. I go "can we talk?" She's like "yea?"...."can I have your number?" To which she responds "oh my boyfriend is the DJ sorry..." and her whole family looks at me all awkward like wtf? The combination of rejection and being too embarrassingly drunk to see how bad of an idea that was, is part of the reason I don't drink alcohol anymore."
Still Hurts
Sad Pikachu GIFGiphy"When I was 3 my mother told me she wished I'd never been born. (No drugs or alcohol were involved)I remember her hairdo, her glasses, and even what design was on her dress. I'm 56 and I've never gotten over it."
Be a Man
"I was chatting with this girl online, and sent her a face pic after she asked for one, she comes back and says "No, you look too young to me. I know your age, but you just don't look it, and really don't have any masculine features I look for in men and your nose is too big, sorry." Like, she could have just said not interested dam."
- Xdude199
Across the World
"Not the most painful, but the most recent. Back at the end of last year, I started dating again after sitting out most of the year bc of the pandemic. Met a woman and we just clicked. First time in a long while where I felt an actual connection [made even more significant thanks to the solitude created by the pandemic]. I think we fell hard and fast for each other, but then she revealed she was going back home to the other side of the world."
"For several months so we had a heart to heart about a bunch of things like future career plans, kids, religion, etc to see whether it was worth maintaining things long distance. Unfortunately there were a couple big things we didn't quite agree upon so we ended up breaking up. In the several months since then, I've still yet to meet anyone whom Ive had a connection anywhere near approaching that."
"Uh, I have a boyfriend..."
"I'd just graduated college and moved to a new city. I was regretting not being more social at school and was determined to be more outgoing. This was my chance for a fresh start! I woke up feeling good, got in the elevator to my apartment building, and decided to introduce myself to my new neighbor who was already on. I gathered my courage and said "Hi" with a smile. The poor girl seemed terrified and just said. "Uh, I have a boyfriend..." then mashed the button for the next floor and hopped out."
Silver Linings
silver linings playbook dance GIFGiphy"I just don't think I can be in a relationship right now."
"Four days later is in a relationship with a "friend" that came over multiple times to hang out at my place. Silver lining, she is on her ninth relationship in 2 1/2 years (for good reason), and my girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half."
Who knows?
"My ex I was with for 7 years, engaged, and planning a wedding with. Her parents insisted we cancel the wedding and shortly after she declared we should go on a break. Her only explanation was I needed to improve myself. I did. She then ignored it all and never spoke to me ever again. Practically no explanation of any kind. She wanted me to not be a poor farmer. I'm not by any means anymore. Likely making more than she is now. Who knows? She only wanted me for land I guess? Money? I have no idea, and never will."
This is why I hate love. I have been rejected romantically, but usually with thoughtful hands. But from what I've witnessed and now read, I'm even more weary of romantic rejection. Alas... life will continue.
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