Curious to hear what others experienced in an attempt to identify the abuse Redditor TheBeardedAntt asked:
"What’s a form of mental abuse that no one really talks about?"
Constantly not getting validated eventually chips away at your confidence.
Dismissed
"When someone consistently undermines your interests and goals and mocks you for them."
– sisan9179
Undermined
"Constantly undermining someone or second guessing someone. My brother does this on a regular basis about big, small or totally irrelevant stuff. At first I didn't think much of it but after a long time it started to make me not be able to make decisions properly because I was always told my decisions were wrong. It took a lot of time to come to the conclusion that even if my decisions are wrong, they're MY decisions and I'm learning from my own mistakes."
– gacaji396
Slow Torture
"Death by a thousand paper cuts."
"When you finally crack, as you should since you are literally being tortured, they paint you as the crazy one. They also cut you in private, until they know you are at your breaking point, then do something seemingly innocuous in public to cause you to explode."
"Some people are really good at it. My mother was very good at it, much to my mother-in-laws chagrin. My MIL is an idiot compared to my mother, so her attempts just look stupid and amateurish to me."
– Canopyflyer
Piling On The Guilt
"Definitely guilt tripping. Both of my exes used to take everything I did 'wrong' as a personal attack and used it to try to make me feel guilty. I want to see my best friend instead of them today? Oh, you must not love me. I didn’t get the right order from Starbucks? You must not care enough to remember the right order. Even worse is when I’m mad at something they did and they use me being mad to guilt trip me, leading to me having to apologize for something they did!"
"I see it all the time and nobody calls people out for doing this, but it really infuriates me."
– TheMagnificentBean
Not all adults are fit for parenting.
Ignored
"Neglect. People always talk about abuse. But neglect, as humorous as it may sound gets neglected. When I was a teenager I would regularly go missing for days. I'd purposely dip out and go to friends houses with a packed bag and tell their parents my mom said it was ok for me to stay for a week."
"My friends parents must've understood no one cared about me at home and would oblige me and let me stay. I'd return home after a few days and see if anyone knew I was gone. After asking if they knew I wasn't home I'd always get a "No, you were out? Oh well that's nice." Once I left for 10 days. I snuck back in that time thinking they have to know I wasn't home and I would be in trouble. I came in through the back door and could clearly hear my mom and stepdad watching TV and enjoying themselves. I break it to them that I wasn't home for 10 days after questioning them in regards of whether they noticed I was gone. They tell me "We thought you were in your room." I was 16 at the time."
– BuildingRelevant7400
Not Fine
"Yeah, you are correct, it f'ks with your head pretty bad. Once as a teenager I stayed up all night with stomach ache and spent the morning puking, after brown ooze came up I figured f'k this I want to go to the hospital, so I tell my mother and she just brushes it off 'you are fine'."
"I call my friend and his mother takes me to the hospital and I have my appendix removed. Anyhow, I already distrusted my mother but after this I knew to never count on her. It was not a question of means, we have free healthcare, middle class etc."
– blissone
Abandoned
"Same. My parents once left me alone at 11 for 2 weeks to go on vacation. Never checked up on me and I skipped school the entire time. Finally found out a year later and when they asked how I just said 'no one ever asked.' They gave me rules like I 5 minutes to talk to them after school because I was 'annoying.' I couldn’t see for years because they’d forget that I needed glasses."
"It lead me to develop selective-mutism and I spent most of my childhood on my own and disappearing for long periods of time. If I had an issue I learned to either deal with it myself or be silent about it. Many relatives and friends parents along the way that would 'adopt' me and would basically teach me how to be a functioning person. I grew up too fast yet also lacked basic social skills:knowledge (at one point I was tested for autism because of it). I opened up more later on but I still have those habits that creep in once in a while."
– dylandbloom
"Fear-Based Parenting"
"Any kind of fear based parenting."
"I remember how you made me feel when I was small and vulnerable. I was afraid. No you didn’t hit me that hard, but that’s by adult standards. To me you were a giant 3 times my size."
"If a child is afraid of you they won’t trust you. Ever."
– burn-babies-burn
Ticking Off Boxes
"Being brought up by parents who think that if you’re fed, watered & clothed that’s their responsibilities completed."
– Vyvyansmum
Too Controlling
"Not allowing children to make choices."
"I was raised by parents who dictated most decisions. Making good choices is a necessary skill. I think children raised this way do not develop a sense of autonomy. I have a terrible time making decisions, and I don't care about many things like color choices, food, recreation, and more important life choices like partners and occupations. It is harder to find pleasure in life when choices are based on what you dislike the least."
– wastedintime
The people you bring into your life may not always be who you had hoped they were.
Invaded
"Getting rid of your stuff without asking. Filming you without asking. Going through your phone and belongings without asking. Nothing f'ks up your trust more than your privacy constantly being invaded. Thousands of pictures, gone. All my social media, gone. Almost all my contacts, gone. My jacket I got for Christmas, gone. All without my knowledge or permission."
"EDIT: My EX did all of this sh*t. My parents are lovely and would never do such awful things."
– isabellla321
Walking On Thin Ice
"Living with a narcissist and never knowing what will set them off. Did you say something in the wrong tone? Did you have a good day and want to talk about it? It's like walking on thin ice all of the time and it's stressful because you never know what will set them off."
– stazib14
Money Matters
"Financial abuse. I didn't even know it was a legitimate thing until recently."
– peachpinkjedi
"I wish more people recognized it as ACTUAL abuse. It's insidious and controlling and manipulative. Just because it's not physically painful or make someone actually cry doesn't mean it isn't."
– ephemeralkitten
As a kid, I always thought being constantly ridiculed for being "different" and "a sissy" and subjected to lots of name-calling and racial slurs were unbearable enough to make me want to vanish.
The emotional bullying was so torturous, I remember thinking I would have rather taken several punches to the face instead.
Words hurt. Words matter.
Reading through some of these examples is a good reminder we should be cautious with how we use them.
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Curious to hear examples of what sets people off, Redditor Obese-Feline asked:
"What is a small insignificant thing that makes you really mad?"
New tech can be very cool, but sometimes, our lives can be complicated because of it.
Password Fail
"My password failing 3x, the site requiring me to create a new password, and then when I choose the password I just tried, the site says I 'can't use the current password.'"
"Infuriating."
– AtheneSchmidt
Tricky Ads
"When you’re trying to click something on a webpage and an ad pops up between the moment your brain tells your thumb to apply pressure and your finger touches the screen."
– Uniqueisha
"When the ads on a YouTube video don't buffer but the actual video does."
– GengarIsLife
Bathroom Ineptitude
"Showers with confusing hot/cold handles. Automatic bathroom faucets that dont register your hand/motion."
– Latter-Ad6779
Conditional Environmentalism
"In the same vein - when bathrooms only have those disgusting air hand dryers that don’t even dry your hands. They’re so unsanitary. And then you have to touch the bathroom door handle with wet hands."
"Businesses will be so wasteful and not give a single f'k about the environment in any other way, but suddenly when it comes to providing paper towels to dry your hands, they’re all save the trees."
– KATEWM
The Auto-Preview
"Netflix...the way it just starts playing the preview or clip of whatever's on the screen. I don't know why but it irritates the hell out of me. I just want to browse in peace."
– ethottly
Our negligence can humble us right quick.
Caught Unawares
"When I walk past a door and my belt loop or clothing gets caught on the handle."
"1-100 real quick."
– GSG_2022
Wrong Pipe
"Taking a sip of water and choking on it. The next 2 hours of coughing and clearing my throat are just MAGICAL."
– AuroraMeridian
The Detour
"Leaving work only wanting to go home, and noticing I have to spend extra time getting gas."
– BrandanMentch
The things others do can be a real pet peeve.
Thanks For The Signal. Or Not
"people not using turn signals."
– Rainn_boww13
"Just 15 minutes ago I was impressed that a cab driver used his left signal at a 4-way stop so I figured I could cross safely on my side of the street."
"Naw, he just drove straight through and nearly hit me, not making any use of his left turn signal."
– Prize_Guest
Grocery Parking Etiquette
"When someone parks next to the grocery cart return area but doesn't put up their grocery cart."
"I'm like, two more steps and one small push and you're literally done with the cart. I don't get it."
– Twisted_NaeNae
Annoying Favors
"Someone telling me to do something when I was just about to do it. It’s childish but it pisses me off so much lol."
– rapey_chef
I can't stand it when people willingly do the things that annoy them.
Like boarding the subway before commuters get off at their stop. They'll block the doorway to give themselves the advantage of getting a seat on the train.
When I'm in a rush and a pathway isn't open for me and the stream of other straphangers also rushing to debark behind me, I'm this close to using my elbow instead of my voice to warn door guards to clear the way.
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