Parents With Estranged Adult Children Explain What Went Wrong
Reddit user bridge2235 asked: 'People who have adult children that don’t talk to you. Why do you think that is?'
*The following article contains discussion of suicide/self-harm.
There are a lot of old platitudes about familial bonds, mostly focused on preserving the relationship with relatives—especially immediate family—no matter what.
But public attitudes have shifted in part due to greater awareness of the harm caused by unhealthy relationships.
Now people discuss relationships with terms like gaslighting, toxic, emotional blackmail and going no/low contact.
The once taboo act of cutting family members out of your life has gained greater acceptance.
But what do the family members—especially parents—excised feel?
Reddit user bridge2235 asked:
"People who have adult children that don’t talk to you. Why do you think that is?"
Personal Issues
"I was very deep in resolving my own trauma when my kids were growing up. I was often distant and emotionally unavailable."
"I wasn’t the parent they deserved. It is the greatest sorrow of my life; I did to my kids what my mom did to me."
"I can’t be sorry enough."
~ Interesting-Ant-5163
New Family
"From the other parent's perspective, my adult children (25 and 23) do not communicate with their father at all."
"Long story short, he remarried about a week after our divorce was final and he and his new wife went on to have children of their own. Over time, his visits with the children because more infrequent and stressful due to his wife's distaste for me and my children."
"He has had no contact with the kids in over 3 years and his previous attempt was 4 years before that."
"My youngest says he will never forgive his father for replacing us all with a new family and forgetting us. The oldest says it's just not worth chasing someone who has no interest."
"Personally, I'm sad and angry on their behalf. He divorced me, not them."
"I want to say, the amount of people who say they've experienced this same issue astounds me, and breaks my heart."
"I just do not understand a parent who can walk away from their child(ren). Even when it's been hard and I've had to be both Mom and Dad, I wouldn't trade my kids for anything."
~ geminiloveca
Substance Abuse
"Mom here. My 23-year-old hasn't spoken to me in four years. It was completely my fault."
"I've struggled with addiction (alcohol) and for most of her childhood I was bad. I hope to be able to apologize to her someday."
"But, I completely understand and respect her decision."
~ Prudent_Blueberry_23
"My step daughter is an addict and mentally ill. Her son was placed in our custody by the state three years ago at 13 months old and she has never made the effort to regain custody."
"Her rights were terminated last year and we adopted him last month when the state gave us the choice."
"She has hated us ever since he was placed here and has convinced herself that we stole her child."
"She only contacted my husband if she wanted money, which he won't give her so that makes her hate us more."
~ True_Let_8993
"My daughter went through a traumatic event when she found out her Mom was having an affair with a junkie. Daughter was furious at her Mom for destroying the family."
"Mom flipped out, threatened [to hurt herself] to our daughter’s face, blaming her. At that moment, everything shifted and daughter became the nurturer to her Mom, who regressed into childhood—a complete switching of roles when my daughter really needed a Mom.
"Mom wasn’t safe to be angry at (for fear she’d hurt herself), so I became the target."
"We talk, but it’s so terse and superficial that it’s close to non-communication. I’d like to talk through what happened, even in a therapeutic setting, but daughter says that’s off the table."
~ Utterlybored
"It’s very common for the kids to seek affection more from the abusive parent, who does not give it freely. It’s also common for the non-abusive parent to get all the deflected emotions that the abusive parent has trained the children not to point their way."
~ AbsentGlare
"The safe person always becomes the punching bag. Happens in any kind of relationship."
~ TeutonJon78
Narcissists
"There's a woman at church and every week she asks for prayers during prayer requests. At first I thought it was kinda cute but it's over a year later and she always asks for prayers that her children will speak with her again."
"She claims to have been the best mother and, one-by-one, all three of her adult children and thus her grandchildren stopped speaking with her. But she did everything right—she fed them, she clothed them, she put them through school.
"Which to me sounds like the bare minimum that you're supposed to do as a parent and not 'everything', but OK."
"I gave her the benefit of the doubt but then, every week, another piece of the puzzle would come out."
"She tried calling but her numbers blocked. She tried to find them on social media but she's blocked."
"How strange—she says she was such an excellent mother, why would they block her?"
"She tried reaching out again and received a handwritten letter on why she should never contact them again, but we never heard the contents of the letter."
"We were just supposed to pity her and have sympathy and assume that these entire separate groups of people were evil and were doing her emotional harm."
"I got to know her and she is an abusive narcissist and nothing short of pure evil. All the red flags you'd expect are there. But, every week it's pray to Jesus for me everybody, my evil ungrateful children, blah, blah, blah."
"I'd like to hope she is just clueless but I understand she is sick and probably doesn't know how horrible she really is. I feel very, very bad for her kids but very happy they were strong enough to break away from that hot mess."
"It almost brings me physical pain now when she asks for prayers that her kids will talk to her again, because I know all she wants to do is resume hurting them."
~ OregonHighSpores
"Probably my mom. Tell Susan I said 'Hi'."
"Or don’t actually. You should probably go no contact also before she wrecks your life, too. "
~ caseofthef'karounds
"I’m lucky. Both my adult children call me multiple times a week. But my ex (their father) complains that our daughter rarely calls him."
"I’ve told him many, many times that if he wanted her to call more often he needs to listen to her."
"He’s a pretty narcissistic dude who only wants to talk and if he takes a breath and you try to jump into the conversation, he either gets louder to drown you out or he goes dead silent, clearly in his 'waiting until you shut up so I can talk' mode."
"He never asks questions or expresses any interest in their lives."
"My son puts up with it because he can direct some of the conversation by bringing up sports or interesting historical stuff or books or whatever and then they can have somewhat of a discourse (although listening to the inevitable droning lecture is always included)."
"My daughter has little patience for that so she rarely calls him. Even after I told him what he should try, he ignores me, which is what he did for nearly the entirety of our marriage."
"He still periodically bemoans the fact that she doesn’t call."
~ Big-Summer-
"My mother told me, three weeks after I lost my father/best friend at fourteen, that he told her on his deathbed that 'Adopting me was his greatest mistake'."
"It stuck with me my whole life. I'm 38, and now know it wasn't true. But that narcissistic b*tch can rot in Hell."
~ Willing-Survey7448
"I think my Uncle would say it's because his sons were brainwashed by their wives."
"The truth is, I think my cousins didn't see that my Uncle's (diagnosed) narcissism wasn't normal, because they were raised by him."
"Their wives, as outsiders, pointed this out to them for the first time and they made their decision from there."
~ jademenagerie
Unavailable
"[I'm the] parent. It’s because I f'ked up and neglected the relationship."
"I wasn’t the father she deserved. It’s that simple."
"I came from an abusive, chaotic household. My father never once said he loved me. I said I would be different. Although I love her, my actions did not reflect it.
"Throughout her childhood, I can remember so many times that I had the chance to demonstrate my feelings. I had the chance to make moments into impactful teaching moments and core memories for her."
"Looking back, it’s not that I missed those chances. I NEVER TOOK THE SHOT. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. I have told myself that I have failed at many things in life, but that I am not a failure."
"I can’t lie to myself here. As a father, I failed. It hurts, but I know it’s nothing compared to the hurt and damage I’ve caused to her. I put her on what could be a long road, an uphill battle to learn to love herself."
"I hope she’s stronger than I was and never feels that she wasn’t good enough for me to love her. I wasn’t good enough of a man to be her father. I didn’t deserve her."
"She really was a good kid despite the pain I know she lived with. I can’t tell her I’m sorry. She’s an adult now and has gone no contact."
"I lost her. This is the one true failure I will have to live with. And die with."
~ UltraBunnyBoostST
"I'm going to pretend my Dad wrote this and accept that him ignoring me, my daughter, my husband, and our life we've made, is really that simple."
"He neglected the relationship. He's not the father I deserve."
~ weberster
"You don't need to hear him say it to know it's true. If your dad wasn't there for you and wasn't the father you deserve, that's on him."
"It hurts you too, but it's not your fault and had nothing to do with you."
~ fuqqkevindurant
Untreated Disorders
"My children are low contact. I feel it's fair. Their mother has Bi-Polar Disorder."
"She was violent and abusive. She has gotten help since then but she still hurt them in the past."
"I did not protect them. Them not being around me is justified. They should be angry."
"We f'ked up. They didn't do anything wrong and they need to heal as they see fit."
"Kids not being around their parents have valid reasons. Most people just can't accept it."
~ AcademicPin8777
"I had PTSD and didn't deal with it. In short I was a sh*tty dad."
~ legl0ckholmes
"Not sure how many people understand PTSD, even those of us that have it. You look normal, no one can really tell you are emotionally/mentally screwed up."
"It's very unpredictable and unpredictable can be rough on kids. I yelled too much and have worked hard to stop."
"Hope you aren't in a blame cycle and have forgiveness for yourself. It's hard."
~ Desslock73
"I am a parent of a child—daughter—who does still talk to me but rarely and I fully accept that it is my fault."
"I was an immature parent and made some bad decisions in addition to being inconsistent with my parenting due to immaturity."
"I am also on the spectrum but that’s something I didn’t find out until a few years ago when my son was diagnosed."
"I know I wasn’t great and I understand my daughter and I try to give her space."
~ RTrinitoneBlast
Religion
"A cousin’s parents fired him from their very successful family business because he refused to take his wife and children to their church and worship the way they did. In retaliation he and his wife refused to allow his parents to see the grandchildren."
"They sued. They lost. They never were able to see their grandchildren and eventually died."
"He ended up with the business anyway by default, not by the will. They lost decades of grandchildren just by being stubborn."
"Nobody in the family had anything to do with them the last 35 years of their lives and they were miserable."
"Parents, if you f'k over your children don't expect to every have your grandchildren."
~ HixsonHank
"Child here and I just want to say, huge props to the parents taking accountability."
"I wonder if mine will ever do the same."
~ SKmaric
Redditor Fivepurplehoodies provided sound advice for parents.
"Just love and respect your kids. Do your best."
"Admit that you sometimes miss the mark, even if you had the best intentions."
"Don’t invalidate your kids’ experiences."
"That’s it. That’s all."
That's good advice for all family relationships.
****
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 by phone or text or via chat on their website: https://988lifeline.org/
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
There's no one way to successfully raise a child.
Tons of books on parenting are available to offer guidance and they are suggestions drawing on different experiences and perspectives.
But who needs books? Not all the answers can be found in them since every situation is different.
Raising children successfully is typically achieved by first-time parents who fake it 'til they make it.
When it comes to talking about the birds and the bees, that's one topic that both parents and prepubescent children tend to be very evasive about discussing.
Sometimes "the talk" is awkward, but other times, it is extremely successful.
Wanting to highlight the positives on the topic, Redditor babyyyylilith asked:
"What is the best sex-related advice your parents ever told you?"
First starters, Redditors normalized various sexual situations.
Unbridled Urges
"My parents didn’t want to have the talk with me so they had our family friend do it. He said and I quote 'your body is going through a lot of changes and your going to get urges to do some weird sh*t. It’s all normal. Unless you are like rubbing dead puppies on your body, then come see us for help.'"
– FireFromThaumaturgy
Dirty Magazines
"When my dad caught 13-year-old me with a Playboy. I was terrified, but he said not to worry, it was normal to be curious. Then he said the wisest thing: 'Just remember, most women do NOT look like that.'”
– First_Drive2386
Dispensing With Stigma
"Honestly, I don't think that having 'a' talk or 'the' talk is the best idea, anyways. My wife and I have raised a pretty amazing young man, and we've never had 'the talk.'"
"We've simply never been afraid of the topic, and have never avoided it (while being proactive here and there as well). So over the years it's been a subject that comes up, and we discuss it just like any other topic."
"I feel that this is a much better idea than building up to a huge moment for 'the talk.' Doing this this just makes it a huge deal that will embarrass you and your child, teaching them that sex is shameful, even if that is not your intention. Besides, how can you cover everything in a meaningful way with only one talk?"
– TomEdison43050
There is a thing as sex etiquette.
Hygiene Matters
"To take a shower before it."
– hoorhay_ng
"and after too."
– Bill_ra16
"My father used to say:"
"Remember, It is better if you take a shower every time you are going to have sex."
"Just before it or just after it?"
"No son. Just instead."
– rmdf
A Medical Expert Weighs In
"Not my parents, but awkwardly and unexpectedly, my family doctor:"
"Teenage boys and even early 20-something men are horny, barely know what they're doing, and barely remember to wash their balls. Don't even let them touch you unless they show through their actions that they genuinely respect you, care about you, and like you as much as you like them. And even then always use a condom no matter if you're on other birth control because babies aren't the only thing you can pick up from sex. And never get with a guy who's hounding you for it."
– blickyjayy
Parents continued being very open about the topic.
The Result
"My dad held up my baby bro and told me that if i wasn’t careful this is what would happen lol"
– Immediate_Sense_2189
"if you're not careful you'll have another baby brother"
– IceFire909
Father Knows Best
"My dad gave me a sex talk when I was in my teens that pretty explicit about how a woman’s body needs attention and time to be ready for sex."
"He also gave me a book called 'the guide to getting it on.' And suggested I read it and he’d answer any questions."
"By the time I was having sex, I felt very confident about how it worked and how to make women feel good."
"I’ve tried to keep building up my skills and knowledge over the years - different courses and books."
"Partners have always been complimentary. I can thank dear ol’ dad for that."
– TheGameForFools
A Woman Backs Up
'how a woman’s body needs attention and time to be ready for sex.'
"As a woman, this is seriously good advice. Too many men learn how sex works from porn and get this inaccurate idea that women can just GO. We need time and prep work. You wouldn't start your car in the winter and automatically expect the geater to blow warm air, women aren't hot immediately either."
– StaunchMiracle15
Mother Knows Best
"My mom: 'Sex is great, but it's absolutely never worth compromising on your values or your self-respect.'""
Directly followed up with"
"Walk away from any guy who tries to pressure or intimidate you into doing stuff with him. Don't waste time with guys who think they're entitled to your body. Don't fall for shallow flattery and be manipulated. Just walk. You are not missing out on anything. "
"As kids, my mom always taught me and my siblings about being compassionate and kind to other people as well as being responsible and honest and respectful all those things parents try get into their kids' heads to help them turn out right. I was 14-15 when my mom sat me down and impressed on me that not everyone in the world has good-hearted and respectful intentions, and that I need to keep this especially in mind when it comes to how people act when romance and sex come into the picture."
"It was a new layer to the lessons she gave me growing up and I took it to heart. It's advice that has served me very well."
– SiliconeCarbideTeeth
Supportive Mom
"My mom: You know what people who practice the pull out method are called? Parents."
"In all seriousness though, my mom answered any questions I had and even helped me get a doctor's appointment arranged when I decided I wanted to be on the pill. I'm eternally grateful that she made it easy to go to her for any questions or advice"
– NightDreamer73
Importance Of Open Conversations
"I was almost exclusively interested in women (as a woman) for my late teen years, so a lot of the time my mom's advice and open conversation seemed irrelevant to me, but it meant so much to me that she had such an open conversation with me about sex and questions that didn't seem important until I started dating a man and told her 'hey I'm gonna sleep with a guy let's talk birth control ' and she immediately booked me an iud installation. Open comfortable conversation with mom is so important, it really sets the tone. If my mom hadn't been pro sex and talk id definitely be a whole a** mom by now."
– whoales
For many parents, teaching their kids about sex is such a taboo subject, and it shouldn't be.
The more the topic is stigmatized, the more it can be confusing for a child going through puberty and feeling shameful about the changes they're experiencing.
That was me. I can't say for sure if it's a culture thing, but sex doesn't seem to be something Japanese parents comfortably talk about with their kids.
This is way off topic but the tentativeness around discussing sex in Asian cultures is fascinating to me, because many depictions of sex in erotica in various forms are some of the most wildly perverse and imaginative visuals I've ever seen.
It's not a stretch to think that Asian pre-teens learn more from anime and manga about sex than from their parents.
If you don't know what I'm talking about, you might want to do some research into some of these very graphically suggestive illustrations.
It's a wild journey down the rabbit-hole.
One of the great things about ZOOM is that it's given us the ability to visit with others more frequently.
And we get to mingle from the comfort and SAFETY of our own homes.
You take your life in your hands when visiting other people's places.
I've seen family brawls.
Marital destruction after years of bliss.
And once I accidentally became witness to the theft of a shoe collection.
Not to mention, no toilet is cleaner than your own.
Redditor Suspicious_Boss3635 wanted to hear about the worst of times when visiting other people's homes, so they asked:
"What was your worst/weirdest experience at somebody else’s house?"
In my home, I try to be the best host I can be.
Learn from me.
A nice shade of crimson
Say So Red Light GIF by Doja CatGiphy"Stayed at my friend's house one time and found out her family only uses red light bulb in their house because an astrologer told them to do so."
SuvenPan
From the other room...
"Went to a friend's house. We came in and somebody started yelling and swearing at him from another room. For no reason and impromptu. Scary , threatening and abusive sounding. It was his dad and the dad didn't realize I was there. The kid was cool about it, just kind of, maybe we should just go for a walk. It was how cool the kid was that unnerved me. Just his day to day."
jonas00345
How about a sweater?
"In college, I went to this girl's house during a free period with six or seven friends. We arrive, and she opens the door, says hello to her father, and immediately strips down to her bra and panties in the living room. We spent 45 minutes hanging out with her and her dad, and the whole time she's walking around in basically nothing."
"I asked her dad about it at a different time, and he nonchalantly says she's always done this and acted like it was a completely normal thing to do. Also, bonus points for her goth friend who sat there playing with a knife the whole time."
COLONEL_ROOSTER
Sit with me...
"As a 12 yr old we shifted to a small town from our cattle property so we kids could go to high school, I didn’t know anyone at school till the weird kid befriended me, invited me home after school one day. There’s me thinking great I’m making friends. When we got there her mom was obviously slightly drunk, no father around that I could see, just sitting in her room talking crap, when her mum calls us into her bedroom."
"So we went in and her mum is lying on a single bed and there’s a double in there that we both sort of lounged on, then her mum starts crying. The girl tells me her dad died about six months ago. I'm going 'so sorry to hear that,' her mum starts telling me how he was a bad alcoholic and they’d gone to bed one night, he was ‘spooning’ her when he died in his sleep with his arms wrapped around the mum, cause she was drunk too she didn’t wake up till quite late and his body had started rigor mortis."
"She realizes and starts screaming, daughter runs in, dad is dead and mum is stuck in his arms. They had to call police to help apparently, she couldn’t get out. Best bit though was I was sitting on the bed where he’d died 6 mths previous but they’d never changed the sheets or covers, they smelt musty, no wonder the girl acted weird, they both really needed therapy but this was nearly 50 yrs ago."
chookiekaki
HER!!
Jimmy Fallon Singing GIF by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy FallonGiphy"At someone’s birthday party at her house. She divided us into groups and made us write songs about her."
Main-Not-For-Porn
Ok. I may actually try this at my next party.
"They"
Video Games Lol GIF by Robbie CobbGiphy"When I was a kid I went over to a friend's house. At some point they went to have dinner. 'They' meaning the whole family. I wasn't at any point asked to join them. So while they ate I sat in the living room and played on their Atari."
frank-sarno
We stopped to help
"A buddy and I were walking down the street and noticed a drunk guy bothering a woman outside a store and his b*lls were hanging out of his shorts. We stopped to help. And so does some guy in an army jacket. and after the cops come by to deal with the drunk guy, Army guy invites us over to have a beer. We were about 14 or so at the time. We said sure!"
"Get to his apartment and he gives us a beer each. And shows us his big knife. Tells us how to gouge out eyes. And how to shoot someone under the chin at the throat pointing up so if by chance they survive, they will be paralyzed. Then proceeds to demomstrate on me a choke move he was taught."
"Which freakin' hurt. My friend had the knife in hand just in case army guy didn't let go. After I was let go and able to breath we peaced out of there FAST. The longer we sat there. The more scared I was getting. Haven't thought about that for some time."
KraftDinr
Eat carrots instead...
"I remember when I was a kid, probably around 10 or so we went to friends of our family's for dinner. The husband and wife got into a very loud screaming match over whether to serve creamed corn or frozen corn. I'm talking in each other's faces and being shrilly loud."
"Ten year old me was fascinated by how such a mundane object could arise such passions, and of course I wanted see how it turned out but we were instead quickly ordered into the car and left. Still never understand how corn caused such a disagreement. I found out later they got divorced."
llcucf80
Pour it back...
"When I was 8 I slept over a friends house. For dinner they had pancakes. Everyone ate together. After I put the syrup on my pancakes I was scolded by the dad for using too much syrup. I then noticed everyone at the table only put a tablespoon on their pancakes. After I ate the pancakes, they took my plate and tried to pour the unused syrup back into the container."
jaiframsey
Sometimes it's just better to stay home.
Do you have any crazy experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Parents Who Cut Off All Contact With Their Adult Children Break Down Why They Did It
All parents want to support their children.
Of course, when they grow up and fly the coop, they can't always help them out of every pickle.
But every so often, when their children find themselves in a bad place or are struggling financially or emotionally, most parents will help their children out without a second thought.
Until that is, their children begin to take advantage of their generosity or find themselves getting into trouble a little too often.
It's situations like these where sadly, the best thing parents can do to help their children, is to cut ties, either temporarily, or in extreme cases, permanently.
"Parents who have gone No Contact with your adult children, what happened?"
Substance Abuse
"Sigh."
"He’s an addict who kept stealing from me."
"I had to draw a line."- Readsumthing
"I went no contact with my daughter."
"She had serious drug and alcohol issues."
"I had to lock up my prescription meds."
"She was also mentally ill but refused to take meds to treat it."
"Illicit pills."
"Yeehaw."
"Prescribed pills."
"Nope not gonna take them."
"I finally drew the line when she threw my suitcase at me while visiting her and threatening to kill me."- KrankySilverFox
Untenable Demands
"Our mentally ill son told us we had to do exactly what he told us to do (and could not push back on his requests or even explain our point of view), or we would never see our grandson."
"It was emotional terrorism."
"We told him those conditions were unacceptable to us, and he went no contact."
"Shortly thereafter, his wife divorced him, won custody, and encouraged us to continue building a relationship with our grandson."
"Today, our son wonders why we will not come to family events (and just 'ignore each other') when he is around."
"He set clear boundaries (no contact), and we still believe in respecting those boundaries until he tells us otherwise."- nielsondc
Rocky Relationships
"My brother basically has no contact with my parents."
"Basically it boils down to him getting divorced and remarried after 20 years and then demanding they never talk to the ex ever again (they got along well) and immediately accept and shower the new wife with love and affection even though the first couple interactions were her telling them how crappy they were as parents and how they didn’t love him."- Hopeful-Translator70
"So, I’ll tell this as a third party."
"My wife’s mother and her sister had a falling out."
"It was a slow burn."
"I’ve been part of the family for close to 25 years now and my wife has told me stories of how her older sister and their mother didn’t get along well."
"Couldn’t tell you who instigated the fights or anything, but my wife told me on many occasions the two of them would get in to shouting matches, objects would get thrown, things like that."
"My mother-in-law, until recent years, could be very difficult to get along with."
"My wife’s sister has a very Alpha, bullheaded personality."
"Not just when dealing with their mother, but you could see it in how she treated her (now ex) husband and their children."
"I’m not certain which straw broke the camels back but their already turbulent relationship was further strained when her sister moved several states away and took the kids with her, virtually never to been seen again."
"It’s been over 10 years since their move and I want to say her sister has come to visit maybe twice?"
"This past Christmas my wife and I went to see her mom and while visiting, her sister was brought up in conversation."
"Her mother said, 'I can tell you, she’ll never step foot in my home again'.”
"But didn’t elaborate."
"I don’t think there was ever anything like drugs or legal troubles involved, only two really dominant, aggressive personalities that clashed virtually every time they met."- Deftallica
Difference In Beliefs
"My wife and I recently made the very painful decision to completely cut all ties with our oldest son because he has become a dangerous believer in that Qanon sh*t."- GlooBloo92
Unworthy Partners
"My grandmother just did this to my aunt. It's because she doesn't approve of her new fiancé."- jdog_014
A Simple Minded Grudge
"My older brother went NC with my dad first."
"Reasons are mostly my brother."
"He's got mental disorders and never went to therapy to fix them."
"Then he went NC with me since my mom enables my brothers toxic behavior."
"Basically sponged off my mom and demanded money from her and my poor mom gave in."
"When my brother had a son, I finally wanted all of us to meet him and reunite (we all live in different states. Bro in Cali, parents in Ohio and Me in Washington)."
"When I paid for everyone tickets to visit me in Washington my brother flipped out since my dad was coming so he went NC on my mom.'
"Again let me emphasize my parents and I have done nothing my brother has very toxic behavior and will hold grudges for million years."
"I truly believe he has undiagnosed autism and he was bullied so badly back in Ohio where we grew up from school he's scorned and blames my parents which isn't their fault."
"Dad pretty much gave up trying and my mom keeps trying especially to see her grandson but my toxic brother keeps us NC."- Wesmom2021
No Reason At All
"My ex went NC with our son."
"He kicked him out of his house when my son turned 18, even though he had medical needs and no job."
"'Dad' called to tell me that he did it, and to strongly recommend that I kick him out, too."
"Not because he had done anything wrong, just because."
"Of course I didn't, because I don't believe children are disposable objects and I couldn't see what he was supposed to learn while living on the streets and eating out of garbage cans."
"They had some sporadic contact after that until his dad remarried and moved out of state."
"Now my ex (thankfully) hasn't called in about 6 years."
"My son still lives we me because he can't work and you can't live off only $1200 in monthly disability payments."
"That man was very toxic and abusive to us and we both have PTSD from living with him."
"Knowing he won't be calling either of us ever again is a huge relief."- Xylorgos
A Lamp
"She was physically violent, lied, threw things at me, stole from me."
"But the final straw was she wanted my lamp and was moving out."
"I said no."
"Left."
"Came back to lamp gone."
"She screams she didn't take it, how dare I accuse of her something she didn't do and called my mother and sisters to complain how I accused her of stealing."
"They called and harassed me about accusing my daughter of stealing and that I needed to apologize."
"A week later, in the garage, in the far corner under a box was the lamp."
"She admitted she did it and I still needed to apologize because she didn't steal it." - Reddit
Cutting off ties with your children, or any family member might feel like an utterly unfathomable thing to do.
Unfortunately, sometimes the first step toward forgiveness and recovery is letting go.
Have you ever had to cut someone out of your life? Let us know in the comments below.
People Confess Which Things From Their Childhood They Thought Were Normal Until They Were An Adult
Every family has customs or traditions which are unique to them.
Be it all gathering together to watch The Muppet Christmas Carol every Christmas eve or an annual fried chicken picnic with dark and stormies every fourth of July. They are well aware not everyone does this, which makes it all the more special.
However, depending on the way it was introduced to them, some children are raised to think certain customs or habits done by their family are, indeed, normal.
Only to grow up and realize that theirs might have been the only family in the world which partook in them.
In some cases, this discovery is met with laughs and maybe the tiniest bit of embarrassment.
Other times, it's no laughing matter.
"What's something about your childhood that you thought was normal at the time but realiszd as an adult that it wasn't?"
Seemed Like A Good Idea, Until You Read Why...
"Having a cooler in the car."
"My parents always packed one, there were cokes and waters in it."
"The weird part was there was also always beer in it."
"Didn't matter if we were going 12 hours or 1 hour, they packed a cooler."
"Didn't realize how much my mom was drinking until years later when she become a non-functioning alcoholic."- IslandsOnTheCoast·
Dad Of The Year!
"When i was a kid I thought that all the Korean candy stores were free."
"Like you could go in, take what you wanted and leave."
"I would make friends with other Korean kids, take them to my favorite candy stores and tell them to help themselves. which they did."
"So apparently, whenever we'd visit my family in Korea, my dad would talk to all the candy shop owners in the neighborhood and tell them to put anything me or my friends took, on a tab."
"Maybe it was because i barely even spoke korean, but that whole situation just seemed perfectly f*ckin normal to my oblivious little self."- yaybunz
Boundaries Exist For A Reason
"In hind sight I realize that what I thought was 'freedom' was actually neglect."
"Kids aren't supposed to be left to themselves in such a degree that they end up raising themselves."
"From personal experience doing so leads to a lot of misunderstandings on how things are supposed to be."- Hattkake·
A Little Sensitivity Does Go A Long Way
"Being really sensitive to people's emotions because you never know if they could be in a bad mood."
"Turns out I learned that from my dad to make sure I don't make it worse."- UpstairsDifficult966
Think Carefully If You Have What It Takes To Be A Parent...
"Parents aren't supposed to make fun of their kids, complain about what they have to do for their children, and break down when they don't feel validated by their own child."- Doobledorf
"My mom never cooked, and there would be a lot of nights where I went without food because she didn't buy any."
"I thought it was normal for a mom to sleep the majority of the day."
"In reality she was always f*cked up on painkillers."
"Then, with my grandmother, she was controlling over whatever clothes, shoes, and how my hair looked."
"I always had to look like a good Christian boy."- Additional-Soup3853
Wait, what?
"I was in college before I learned that you don't have to get your mother a gift for your birthday because 'she's the one that did all the work that day'."- lylertila
Kind Of Sad To Think Self-Sufficiency Is So Rare...
"Being able to fix things myself."
"My dad is an engineer and throughout my childhood we'd come up with random creative projects to build stuff, he'd show me how to fix things and what safety precautions to look out for."
"Now if something happens at my flat I know how to fix it (or I call my dad and he'll guide me)."
"My boyfriend and friends have no idea how I know this stuff or how to do these things themselves, I always thank my Dad!"
"It's great because I get to save a lot of money, and I've saved money for my friends too!"
"Also, it means a lot to me because at the time and the town I was in girls weren't encouraged to do engineering, but my dad didn't care."
'I was little girl and thought it was essential for me to know how to do these things myself."
'I think he also hoped I'd one day become an engineer!"- imhere2913
Sadly, Not As Common As You Thiink...
"My parents were happily married and our home was happy and loving."- IllChampionship5
"Actually liking your parents/siblings/family."
"Almost everyone I know can't stand the people they grew up with, which I find strange."- ThatDukeGuy
Making A Custom Even More Meaningful
"Every Christmas my parents would buy me and my siblings one Christmas ornament to decorate the tree, which typically highlighted a special event or something important or a topic we were highly interested in that year."
"The tree started off rather bare at first, but after five kids and twenty-five years, that thing was filled from top to bottom, and shows a history of our lives."
"I thought it was how everyone decorated family home Christmas trees for awhile, but apparently it’s pretty unique to us."- RummelNation
Leading To A Massive Vocabulary No Doubt...
"Having a room full of dictionaries."
"I was baffled when I met kids in secondary school (as an adult doing a teacher training course at the time) who didn't even understand the basics of how to use one in their own language, let alone a two-language one."
"My dad was a translator so growing up it was just a normal thing, and I would sometimes just take one and look up random words in different languages for fun."- MrLuxarina
Unbelievable That This Isn't Normal
"Being taught to care about everybody, regardless of race, religion, or politics."
"We were lower middle-class farmers and we played with everyone."
"Everybody was welcome in my parents home."
"We had a ginormous garden and my parents gave our neighbors food out of it."
"My parents taught if you give out love, it’s returned 10 fold."
"Needless to say that bit us in the butt some times."
"But my parents died living and believing that."- SCGranny64
Not Exactly Normal, But Far too Commonplace
"When it would rain we would put pots and pans down to catch the drips."
'I would be sent to go have a slumber party with cousins whenever the electricity would get cut off due to nonpayment."
"I thought it was commonplace for people to go thru stuff like that."- RacksDiciprine
Ultimately, everyone's childhood is unique.
Many are grateful to learn just how unusual or special their childhood is.
For others, the discovery proves to be far too little too late.
Do you have something to add? Let us know in the comments.