Reddit user ironbolt124 asked:
"Parents of Reddit, what's the most embarrassing thing your child did in public, and what did you do in that moment?"
You will be unsurprised to learn that tiny humans are terrible people.
Oprah
"This was back in 1998. I live in a fairly small town in British Columbia Canada. It is about 99.9% White people."
"I had my daughter at the grocery store and there was a person of colour at the checkout. My two-year-old pointed at her and said 'Oprah! Oprah!!' ”
"I died. My soul left my body."
"Completely full of grace, the lady laughed and laughed and then said 'Oh I wish I was Oprah!' ”
- Hereinpen
GiphyI Don't Belong
"My oldest had a talent for finding hard surfaces with his head."
"He smacked into a door frame at preschool when he fell off a bouncy horse and had a huge goose egg in the middle of his forehead. Gravity did its thing and the blood in the goose egg slid down his face, blacking both eyes."
"A few days after, he looked like he went 3 rounds with Mike Tyson."
"He was at the airport with his aunt and cousin waiting for Grandma to get off the plane."
"A lady said, 'Oh, you have two beautiful children.' ”
"My son could have said. 'Oh, this isn't my mom, it's my aunt,' or 'She’s my cousin' or something.”
"Instead, he looked up at her sadly with two black eyes and said, 'I don’t belong to these people.' ”
"His aunt hissed, 'You’re gonna get me arrested!' ”
- urbancowgirl42
GiphyEverybody Sees
"My wife and I were in Vegas for work when my son was about 3."
"We hired a babysitter so we could go out to dinner. The babysitter arrived as we were changing my son, and the second the hotel room door opened he sprinted."
"It caught the sitter off guard and my son got a good head start."
"He ran down two hallways completely nude with us running behind him before we managed to catch up and grab him."
"He ran by several other guests including a group of young men who were cheering him on. On the way back he repeatedly yelled 'everybody sees my peepee!' "
"In retrospect it's hilarious, at the time it was not."
- woogychuck
Giphy"Oh Ok"
"My 4 year old walked in on me while I was changing my pad. He was concerned about me bleeding, so I explained to him that I'm ok etc."
"The next day I took him to our local mom & pop toy shop. When we got to the counter to pay he said to the owners:"
“ 'My mommy’s bleeding from her Pee Pee but she' s ok' ”
"They said 'Oh ok. Would you like a bag?' "
- aaronkellysbones
"It's the 'oh okay' for me lmao"
- DrugSnuggler
GiphyFreckle
"For some reason when my kid was learning the word 'Freckle' it came out 'F*ck you.' ”
"...so we were in line at Starbucks and I was holding my daughter and this lady comes up behind us who had a freckle on her cheek."
"My daughter points right at this lady's face and goes 'F*ck you.' ”
- SeaTie
"The restraint on that woman to not say, 'f*ck you, too kid.' "
- kristinstormrage
"If a kid did that to me I would be in hysterics."
"I’d feel bad for the parent, but I’d be roaring with laughter."
- Zerly
GiphyMust Be Doodies
"My 3yo son was finishing up swim lessons. I asked him to hurry up and dry off, get his shoes on because I needed to use the restroom."
"Him: 'peepees or doodies, mom?' ”
"Me: 'it doesn’t matter honey, let’s just get our shoes on and go. ' ”
"Him: 'peepees or doodies?' (Loud enough for people to start looking at us)"
"Me: 'we don’t need to talk about that.' ”
"Him: 'PEEPEES OR DOODIES MOMMY?!?!?' (Now everyone is looking)"
"Me: 'can we just hurry please?' ”
"Him: 'must be doodies, then.' ”
"I died."
- nellyann
GiphyWhen I Grow Up
"When my son was 3 he saw me getting out of the shower and said 'Daddy why are your balls so big?' "
"So we explained to him that when boys grow up their testicles and penis get bigger."
"Flash forward to about a week later. We are signing papers for a lease on a car. My son, very loudly, informs the saleswoman:"
" 'MY DADDY HAS BIG BALLS AND WHEN I GROW UP I WILL HAVE BIG BALLS TOO!' "
"She started snorting from laughter. My wife and I turned red but pretty soon we were laughing too. I think the whole damn dealership heard him."
- offspring515
GiphyMirror Mirror
"Not my child, but my nephew."
"My mom, older sister and I were wedding dress shopping for my upcoming wedding (15 yrs ago). My sister's husband was at work so she brought along my 3 yr old nephew, who would end up being my ring bearer."
"At the bridal place there are mirrors EVERYWHERE."
"As the 3 of us are talking about the dress I was trying on, we realize that my nephew was being too quiet. We look over, and he had his back to one of the mirrors, bent over, pants around his ankles and he was mooning himself."
"I laughed so hard I started crying, but my sister was mortified."
- bookluvr83
GiphyAt Grandpa's Funeral
"It was my grandfather’s funeral, and we were all in the church."
"My infant son had not pooped for almost a week. In the middle of one of the eulogies he unleashed a weeks worth of poo into his nappy with the LOUDEST fart."
"It leaked EVERYWHERE and got on my husband (who was holding him)."
"My gorgeous husband took him out of the church and cleaned him up, and when the funeral was over I came out to find my son in a nappy and wrapped in a blanket because his clothes were covered."
"Everyone had a good laugh, but I was mortified for a little."
"My grandfather would have found it hilarious though and was probably laughing in heaven."
- lilybet93
GiphyGood Save, Dad
"I am the child in this story."
"According to my mom, when I was about 4, I was super excited about learning to read and was in a phase of reading simple phrases out loud everywhere I went."
"I’ve always had a loud, carrying, voice."
"Apparently my dad took me to the grocery store and, while waiting in the check-out line and sitting in the cart, I loudly read off of a tabloid, 'How to get more out of your man in bed.’ What does that mean, Daddy?' ”
"My dad said he felt like the store went silent and everyone stared at him, waiting to see how he’d answer. (I’m guessing that’s mostly just his imagination.)"
"At last, he said, 'It’s for women who are tired of their husbands hogging the covers and want more blanket.' ”
"Good save, dad!"
- Friendly_Coconut
GiphyThe complete lack of filter is one of the things that makes kids most appealing.
You know 100% where you stand with them—and it's usually in awkward territory.
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Reddit user, u/Llamatomb, wanted to learn some new tips and tricks when they asked:
"How do you make friends when you're 30+?"
Just Be More Open
Homer Simpson Hug GIF by Animation DominationGiphy"Join clubs of activities you enjoy."
"Talk to the people at your job."
"Write a message to your old classmates or friends."
"Meet your neighbours."
R3makea
"I think about 80-90% of friendships are formed based on circumstance. They're coworkers, frequent customers, or neighbors. The other 10-20% are the familial friendships and friends from the past"
Ahstia
Look For Any Kind Of Connecting Thread
"My story; I recently switched jobs and I hadn't met any of my coworkers due to corona."
"I saw a coworkers Volvo V60 (my dream car) was up for grabs and I was the only one who showed interest in taking it, so I went by his house to see it; We started talking and it turned out we shared a lot of common interests; BBQ, Beers, Whiskey & [cigars]. He mentioned that he and some other coworkers had a little club and they got together for slowcooking sessions! I instanly became best friends with half the management at my company!"
Th3_Accountant
Baby Steps
"Started therapy this year and that seems to be going well. I bought a bass guitar which makes me interact with people at the music store because I have no idea what I'm doing with it yet. I also get my car washed twice a week so that I can tip the car wash person $5 and ask them to put my other mirror in because I can't reach it."
"Baby steps."
warWITHINtheGIRL
Shift Up The Meeting Priorities
"I'm not 30+ yet (28), but I've had good luck with just dating. We're all pretty lonely and if you go into the first date with the attitude to find a friend rather than a life-long companion, you'll usually have some pretty good luck."
GourdofThunder
Go On. Learn Something.
"If you like languages, a language group/meetings may be a good way. They usually also include foreigners who are also looking for new friends."
Pinglak
Let's All Go To The Sports Ball Games
"Post-COVID advice, of course."
"Check out meetups first your hobbies. Even if they seem like solo hobbies. Book clubs, running clubs, etc. most of my friends now are from a running club. They are amazing and really fun folks."
"Get new hobbies. What I like as an older adult is different than what I liked as a teenager."
"This is an important note : I HATED sports growing up and was terrible at them. But I just decided to go for it But I started playing sports where no one cared if you were good (running is good since it literally doesn’t hurt anyone else if you’re slow) and other sports with a lot of adult beginners. Aka, adulthood is a bad time to start playing soccer, but great for curling, hockey, running, cycling."
"Like other said, say yes to invitations."
GirlsLikeStatus
You Don't Even Have To Talk At First
"get involved in activities were you will see the same people on a regular basis. You have that activity in common at least and maybe create friendship from there."
-castle-bravo-
"to paraphrase C.S. Lewis "lovers stand face to face but friends stand side to side". You find friends in common interests and activities."
Delta_pdx
You Only Hang Out When Your Kids Hang Out
happy homer simpson GIFGiphy"I feel like the catch 22 is this: Being a parent makes it easier, because you have a natural connection to others - kids the same age, play dates, etc. Buuuuut being a parent means you have so little time and energy for friendship, so it's kind of a wash"
peppermntn
Aw, I Have To Go To Classes To Better Myself?
"Some of these are difficult at the moment - coz Covid - but I’ve picked up friends along the way from the following:"
- "Exercise classes (note - I suspect this works better for females than males): any class which is not expressly aimed at a certain age group, eg. if you’re 30, joining “Fab After 50” or “Mature Bums” (OK, I made that one up) isn’t likely to attract your direct peer group. However, general classes advertised as for all abilities tend to attract all manners of shapes, sizes, ages, experiences, etc., and it’s difficult to NOT find yourself chatting to people, which can turn into a friendship over time. For dudes, I’d recommend team sports as opposed to classes."
- "Educational classes: veering towards “discussional” courses, such as the social sciences, humanities, arts, etc., where classmate interaction is encouraged, or even required. Or hobbyist classes such as pottery, painting, wood crafts, and so on. You’re (probably) less likely to pick up firm friends in classes aimed at a particular professional accreditation - as the students are just there to get that under their belt - but it’s obviously not impossible."
- "Volunteering and/or picking up a small extra casual job, if your “real” job isn’t giving you the interactions you desire."
Oh Yeah. Jobs.
"Co-workers you really get along, can have fun, and have things in common with are hard to come by it seems, but it happens. 3 of us had been going to the bar for a beer or 2 before heading home after work most Fridays for a bit before Covid forced the bar by work to cut its hours and open later."
TheMightyIrishman
Go With A Book And Be Ready To Put It Down
"My boyfriend works at a local brewery, he's 30, I'm 26. A lot of the regular customers there are in their 50s, a lot of single men and women who would just go there, bring a book, order a beer, sit at the bar, and chat with people who sat by them. Some of our best friends are regulars there."
"I spent a lot of this summer at backyard fires at a 50 something year olds place talking about his army days, and he's just a guy who was bored at home so started going to his local brewery for a beer every weekend."
"I know it's hard with covid right how, but there's nothing wrong with going to a brewery or pub alone with a book and chatting with anyone who's down to chat."
PistachioMaru
Never Say No
- "If you have at least one friend, or know any other humans that you feel you can stand for longer than a few hours, find similar interests you have and this can lead to them introducing you to other people with the same interest (music, sports, gaming, etc.)"
- "NEVER turn down an invitation. Even if you're not feeling up to it, or feeling lazy, just go. You can always leave if you're not feeling it. But perhaps you might end up meeting someone who has the potential for friendship!"
"Its obviously hard now with COVID and so many social restrictions, but hang in there!"
Ftw_dabs69ish
Learn From All Age Groups
"Don’t limit yourself to an age group. Older people in general and who have nothing to prove can end up being your most supportive. They can also mentor you. And you can give them energy and cultural updates to keep them in the know. I’m 68 and my fiancé is 81 and we often have more energy than those under 50. And we have lots of stuff, good stuff, we want to share or give away and we have. A win for each other. And we don’t judge as we have probably been there."
Icy-Independence3621
Reciprocate The Effort
"If someone makes an effort to get to know you better, reciprocate the effort and find out what they're interested in. If you find something in common, then do whatever it happens to be with them (ie gaming, working out, etc...) and use the common interest as a bridge to do other stuff together."
"Honestly way better at making friends now than I was in my teens or 20s as well because I've basically accepted I am who I am as well instead of trying to be someone who I'm not"
watermelonpizzafries
When You Give Back, The Universe Gives To You
Greeting Season 3 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy"I felt lost when my Marriage ended. So I volunteered in the community , And found myself, found new friends, and found a sense of purpose for my spare time. Now, three years later when I go walking in the neighbourhood, I can say hello to a great number of people and I never feel alone. More than that, I'm hanging out with great people that also want to help the neighbourhood. In conclusion, Try volunteering."
sarudesu
Be bold, be brave, and don't be afraid to let someone new into your life.
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