Redditor Im_A_Freakin_Joke wanted to hear about the times people have sent photos to the family that left everyone SHOOK, so they asked:
"Redditors who accidental sent a family member a nude, what was the aftermath?"
I have done many things, but I never allow a snapshot.
Gross
Vacuuming Clean Up GIF by MashedGiphy"'You should clean your room before you take that.'"
Emergency_faceplant
What's What?!
"I meant to send it to someone on WhatsApp that I was dating at the time and didn’t realize I accidentally sent it to my brother, their names were next to each other in my chat list and I chose the wrong one. I frantically called my sister in law and told her what happened and begged her to go into his phone and delete the message with the photo."
"This is before WhatsApp added the functionality to delete your own messages. She was so sweet and understanding and deleted the message. I was so embarrassed. To this day she has kept my secret, this happened five years ago."
room_temp_butter
Bad Pics
"For context, my mom had some life-threatening medical issues when I was a kid, so there were a few month+ long periods where we rarely saw her. One night, I got a text from her that says 'send me a pic of u in bed."
"I thought she wanted a picture of me and my dog snuggling, as he slept with me and was the cutest sleeper. I usually sent her one every few days, even when she was home. It also doubled as her way to make sure I was following my bedtime."
"I was taking the picture, and I get a follow-up 'ignore that' text. At the same time, my dad opens my door so hard the hinges break. He says 'you get a text from mama?' I say yeah, and he says, 'it wasn't meant for you.' And leaves. I felt weird about it for days, even though it was years before I figured it out."
bleeding_inkheart
Leave it there...
"I happened to live across the street at the time and a dirty message meant for my now wife was sent to my mother! Luckily for me my mom is notorious for ignoring her phone so I sprinted across the street and said 'hey where is your phone' she told me it was on her desk so I calmly walked over unlocked it and deleted the message. In response to the look of confusion I told her 'deleted a message that was meant for now wife...' And left it at that."
Twandle_D-Vorago
AHHHH!!!! NO!
Awkward Episode 1 GIF by HeelsGiphy"One time my dad accidentally texted me 'sex if the Patriots win' and I still don’t believe I have recovered."
ayepeyday
Mom and dad have their own lives.
Disconnect
GIF by NETFLIXGiphy"I didn't accidentally send a nude, but my phone did auto upload ALL my pictures when I connected it to my mom's computer. I'm no longer allowed to connect hardware to my mom's computer."
teethalarm
Hey Sis...
"I gave my sister my old Iphone (I’m 25, she’s 22). She didn’t realize that her photos were uploading to my cloud and when I went to send a photo to a coworker, at work mind you, I see her pasty a**. I immediately text her and was like STOP TAKING PHOTOS. She called me and asked if I was okay and I told her what was happening. She responded with 'My a** look good though,' and I died laughing. Love my sis, but Christ."
PushingPepperoni
Shower Scene
"I didn’t sent a nude. I was in the shower, about age 15, and I heard the phone ring. My best friend had a habit of calling while I was showering. So, I bolted out naked as the day I was born to grab the phone before she hung up. I didn’t realize pretty much my entire dad’s side of the family was visiting my terminally ill mother."
"They saw it all. My aunt jokingly said, 'Well, dang, I didn’t know there was gonna be a show.' And someone said, 'we were just joking when we said you’d grow up to be a stripper.' I had to do a walk of shame back to the bathroom as well."
"It was laughed off and it hasn’t been brought up since."
TheSaltyMelon
Let me see...
"Sent a pic of my boobs to my mom. Managed to convince her I was trying to take a pic of what I thought was a lump but ended up dropping my phone and sent it while fumbling. Which has happened before. But then she made me show her where I thought the lump was so that was very awkward."
3milyBlazze
Recover Mode
delete black and white GIFGiphy"I once sent a pic to a GF in college when we were home for break… only I searched her contact by last name and accidentally sent it to her mom!"
"Thankfully it was late and she was able to sneak into her parents’ room and delete it before they saw."
BleekerTheBard
What have we learned?
At the very least, triple-check who you are sending it to one whichever app you use for that sort of thing.
Tell me your worst. Mine our stories where I had find my clothes in the dark and sneak out naked.
Don't ask...
A Late Run
Tom Hanks Running GIFGiphy"Asked if he could drive my car to the gas station to buy cigarettes and when he came back he told me he left my keys in the car and it was running."
TopOcelot13
Beefed
"An old friend invited me over for her famous beef stew. I got there, we fool around, had sex, then right after she handed me a tupperware of the stew and said 'you got sex and stew, now please leave.' Still not sure if that's the worst way I was kicked out or the best."
TheRockMan31
"Most of the people here didn’t get stew. You did okay!"
livesarah
'is it that obvious'
"Went home with a girl from the bar. After we had sex, she said something like 'soooo... think you can get an Uber now? If not, I GUESS you can sleep on the couch for a few hours.' Here I was, sitting on some random girl's couch trying to find an Uber at 4 AM. Mercifully I did find one and when the guy picked me up he said 'so, your hookup kick you out?' I said 'is it that obvious' and he replied 'you weren't the first one I drove back to their car tonight and you probably won't be the last.'"
apocalypticradish
Yummy
Hungry Taco Bell GIFGiphy"Go grab some Taco Bell. You can eat it on your way home. Honestly it was better than the sex. And I don't even like Taco Bell that much."
Nobody_Wins_13
I hate Taco Bell. And since reading this... I hate people.
Mrs. Robinson?
Seduce Dustin Hoffman GIF by Top 100 Movie Quotes of All TimeGiphy"She lit a cigarette, then looked at me for like 20 seconds, and said 'Well, bye.' I just got dressed and left. Never saw her again."
Rhalellan
And you are?
"While dozing off, he gently tapped my shoulder, and said: 'Maribel, you can’t stay here.'"
"My name is not Maribel."
tikkichik21
"See this is what happens when you don’t let people talk about Bruno."
Brendanlendan
Go
"He got off me and started looking at pictures of other women on Instagram, and commenting on how much more attractive they were than me and told me 'oh yeah you can go now.' We were best friends for like two years up until that moment."
Caramel_Cappucino
"I’m open minded but this is exactly why I often don’t trust male friendships. You could even be a lesbian and one moment of vulnerability they may take advantage of that. I know it’s unrelated but your experience made me upset and I’m sorry you had to go through that."
L8NiGHTFLiGHT
second time...
"He rolled over, grabbed his phone, and without even looking at me said 'find your clothes, you know where the door is' and just laid there on his phone ignoring me while I gathered my clothes and left. He tried texting me a few days later because he was drunk and horny so I told him 'you know where your hand is' and blocked him."
olivinemultichrome
Gross
Paris Hilton Reaction GIFGiphy"We were good friends for a few years before hooking up after a night of drinking."
"Halfway through sex he told me he can't actually do this because he wanted to get back with his ex and can't mess it up because she's the hottest girl he'll ever be with. He lived in the middle of nowhere and I couldn't leave until the morning so he made me sleep on the couch."
barontayto
POOF
"A girl I was FWBs with rolled over while still naked, farted in my direction, and told me to lock the front door on my way out."
gil_beard
"She blew you away."
"He was gone with the wind."
waitingfordeathhbu
Hold Me
"Asked me to stay and cuddle her until she falls asleep then leave because she didn't want me sleeping there, it was like 3 am."
chunk1X
"So this is what you do. Go ahead and cuddle her to sleep… then as you’re leaving as she asked you to, flip on the lights so you can see to get dressed and make sure you grab all your stuff and be loud as hell lol."
blonderaider21
Knock Knock
"Her kids started banging on the door and I hid in the closet until it was clear to go."
PeanutWingz
"One time I was canoodling with a young lady and was interrupted by a commotion in the other room. We look up and see her baby daddy standing in the doorway looking a bit miffed."
"Dude broke in through the kids bedroom window, tripped over the crib (baby was at grandma's thankfully) and walked in on us. It was POWERFULLY awkward. I got dressed with a full mast while being yelled at by a guy that looked like Justin Beiber if he was a juggalo. Thankfully no violence occurred, but man... what a night. I left my hat, too."
roachezmo
Enough.
Leaving Go Home GIF by VH1Giphy"5am at a random girls house I met at the club and we’re hooking up and I try to talk a little dirty and I go 'tell me what you want and it’s yours' and she goes “I want you to finish because I’m done and I’m tired.'"
Espo_92TTV
Excuse Me
"I was putting my heels back on and held out my hand for a little support because balance sucks… They go what do you want money?"
alt0bs
Hah, someone stuck their hand out at me with that 'give me money' gesture once after sex. I asked if she wanted money, and she said 'no you dip s**t, a high five.' In my defense, it was a strange way to offer a high five."
ecish
Nowhere
"'I'm sorry, but you'll have to catch a bus or something 'cause I've got work in the morning, so I can't drop you off.' The distance from the bar to her place was about 45 minutes. We went in her car. She told me this at about one in the morning, basically in the middle of freaking nowhere. Longest walk home ever, for very meh sex."
BagOfMeats
What & What?
"He was at my house, so he was the one leaving. 5 minutes of sex, he finished. I thought he was going to finish me next... nope. He gets up, starts putting his clothes on, and says (after a yawn), 'Well, I don't mean to skeet and yeet, but I better get home" Excuse me."
sadthiccy
On the Way
Just Do It Running GIF by RockyGiphy"Hey, can you be dressed and ready to go in like 5 minutes? My fiancé's plane already landed and I was supposed to pick him up half an hour ago.' Then she asked me which route was the fastest to get to the airport. This was more than 10 years ago and I still feel bad for that poor guy."
Stink_Fish_Pot
’yes, please’
"Met a girl on Tinder and we hit it off after speaking for 3 weeks or so. Went on a few dates and I really liked her. Think it was the 3rd date, I spent the night at hers and we had sex for the first time. It had been 3 or 4 month since I last had sex, and I really fancied this girl, so naturally I finished in about .3 of a second. Pretty embarrassing."
"I stayed the night but ended up waking up early, like 6 or 7am and looked over and saw her wide awake, with that look of ‘what have I done’ on her face. It felt really awkward so I just said ‘Do you want me to leave?’…’yes, please’ she said, instantly. I awkwardly got dressed, said goodbye and drove home, miserable, thinking I’d blown it."
"She phoned me later that day wondering when we were seeing each other next. Turns out she had been desperate for a shit and was scared to go with me there, so made me leave at 6am. We’ve been together 3 and half years now, engaged, and planning on getting married soon."
JHmackem
Wow. Some people are truly disgusting. How do you treat other humans this way?
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I've never been to a nude beach. I've barely been to a beach. The sun is too hot and the sand too sandy. But y'all enjoy.
Yuck!
gross dumb and dumber GIFGiphy"Don't walk up to where me and my wife are sunbathing and stand in front of her. It's not cool."
0oITo0
EVERYWHERE!!
"Sunscreen, at regular intervals, on everything."
Anthroman78
"I was an 19 year old redhead at the nude beach; let me tell you what, the penis is the least of your concerns. Tops of your feet, butt crack and your hip bones. One Eyed Willy will be just fine."
ogwoody007
"Can I emphasize on 'everything.'"
Satanspit69
Oh Sandy...
"Try not to get sand in your vagina."
blueskysiii
"Good Lord you just reminded me that me and my cringy friends in high school formed a band. The name of said band? Sand in my Vagina."
WolverineJive_Turkey
"No lie, a lady in my town who writes for the local paper is named Sandy C**ch. I don't know how she's done it."
Key-Professor-2124
Rude!
"Don't say, 'Who's your friend with the small penis?'"
johncharityspring
"My father loves to tell the story when he took me to the sauna when I was like 7 (in Germany we go naked) and I asked him, very loudly, 'why does that man have such a small penis?'"
the-chosen0ne
Behave!
imacelebau behave GIF by I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! AustraliaGiphy"Don't try to pick somebody's pocket."
SilentJoe1986
Don't steal. Rule #1. Why do people have or be like that?
Basics
Basic Basic Basic Netflix GIF by Queer EyeGiphy"Don’t do anything you already wouldn’t do at a regular beach."
Bepis_drinker_
Tented
"Don’t assume they’re horny just because it’s a nude beach. Even if you do, don’t act on it."
cantopay
"I usually go to a nude beach because it's closer and I don't mind it (people do whatever there) but there's always at least one tent trembling there so I refuse to believe that. I mean, I say tent but it's sticks holding 4 towels up. U can always see the feet under it or a head popping out. Before you ask more questions, Idk and I don't care, I'd just go to the further away and be at peace."
5amuraiDuck
Look Away
"Don't stare. That's actually good advice no matter the situation."
Aezetyr
"That is precisely why I've never gone to a nude beach because I would just stare at everyone, male or female. It baffles me that masse public nudity was once, in ancient times, considered acceptable. Edit: I DO NOT think it's wrong! It's just a culture shock and different for me. Sorry for the misunderstanding everyone!"
ShadowLancer128
Mind Yourself...
"Alright so you've got two major ones. Generally each beach has different rules, depending on the community that inhabits it; but usually they're very commonplace. Typical beach rules always apply; use sunscreen, swim safe, etc."
"Mind yourself. You're not the only one at the beach, and typically are not the only one out of their skivvies. Mind yourself and be respectful of others, and you will fit in fine."
"No sexual intercourse. You will often find people messing around in the dunes, no doubt. However, it's generally frowned upon to do so. Not to mention beach sex is only good in theory."
Rhodeo
Quiet!
hush GIF by Laugh FactoryGiphy"Avoid shouting "AROOOOGA!" with your eyes popping out of your head and tongue rolling out onto the floor like a fruit roll. It's considered impolite."
proximalfunk
How can I pay?
"I was at a nude beach in Jamaica and one of the resort employees broke the rules in my opinion: he approached, and offered to sell me weed. 1) my penis is hanging in the wind - leave me alone. 2) I don’t have a wallet. 3) I don’t have viable pockets. Wtf."
potentiallyhardtruth
Kindness
"Be friendly! Seriously, at my local nude beach people bring lots of extra snacks and gear because it's a long long long walk from the snack bar to the sand, I'm sure it's done on purpose to keep the nudes in seclusion, but it means you need to really pack properly, sunscreen, food, water, a little bag for your trash."
"All of which I have shared with people and had people share with me... Sometimes total strangers. Being naked isn't inherently sexual, it's fun and freeing and can be a good lead up to sex, but masturbating, f**king on the beach, and/ or making excessive lewd comments etc is not going to get you the good kind of attention."
WitchyBabyGirl
Look Here
"Always eye to eye contact."
cynicalyak
"I have a hard time making eye contact and look around a lot anyways and I I’ll look at the persons shirt on occasion which I’m sure makes me look a little pervy anyways, I can’t imagine at a nude beach how that would go over."
tamrielsavage
"So you're not supposed to look at people's bodies. But what's the point of going to a public nude beach if you don't want people to look at your body and you don't want to look at other people's bodies?"
schapman22
Leave It
Giphy"No animal absconding. Only leave with the crabs you came with."
J_David_Settle_1973
"As a non native speaker, but almost fluent, this post is amazing. Though I hate the fact that 90% of my friends whose English is also a second or third language, wont understand the word play. Such shame."
OgisKushas
No Proof
"No pictures."
DORFSCHLACHTER
"Well I once was on a beach in France with my parents, and my mom was taking some pics of me surfing. Then out of nowhere a man in his 60/70s comes into the sea and doesn't even try to stay out of the picture."
"It looked more like he was trying to get on the picture. It wasn't a nude beach, but you say some nude people still. So nude people weren't uncommon to see in the sea but them going wherever the camera goes."
emier06
First Timers
"I’m American. My wife’s German. First time I went to a nude beach, her whole family proceeded to play volleyball. I was fine laying there nude with them but volleyball is kinda where I drew the line. Growing up as a Mormon in Utah (not Mormon now) I had mixed thoughts on it but I’ve always been more open minded with things (hence not being Mormon now)."
"It was a little strange the first initial clothes removal but you quickly forget that and you’re just at the beach. Kids and all. As long as you’re not sexualizing it, it’s totally normal and quite liberating actually. Playing volleyball with them in the nude was a little weird tho."
noradam22
Listen
"Most of them are very similar to regular beaches. I’ve been to a couple. They can be fun. If I’m laying on the beach listening to music I don’t want 60 year old dude coming up and chatting with me. Doesn’t matter if I’m in a bikini or my tits are out."
lesbomommy
Be Mature
"Don't stare or ogle, and also don't interact with people if you don't have the decency to go nude too. A few years back my partner and I were at a nude beach, and some creepy older dude tried to talk to us- then asked us for a beer (we brought a six pack with us.) I told him we ran out, even though we definitely had a couple left."
"He was wearing full clothes, and he tried to bother a couple of other people too. Then there are the families that walk through fully clothed acting like it is some sort of freak show. Please... if you don't have the maturity to deal with it, don't show up at all."
westcoastpizzarat
Be Cool
Calm Down Golden Girls GIF by TV LandGiphy"It’s a nude beach, not a public orgy. Don’t be a pervert."
AndyJaeven
So keep these rules close when you find yourself naked at a beach.
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So if, for whatever reason, my nightmare scenario were to come true I'd be fine. Cold, probably very annoyed with my dogs, but fine since I'm alone on home turf.
Reddit user willtrent16 asked:
“ 'Go to work naked day' is now a mandatory national holiday. Which jobs have the worst outcome from this? "
I used to work with kids. 5th-8th grade kids.
I don't know if you've ever met a middle schooler but they are possibly the most terrifying predators in all of natural history. My old job working with middle schoolers gets my vote; but Reddit had some awful ideas, too!
Spicy Rain
"Welders."
- Cold-Ruin-3973
"Ooh spicy raindrops"
- saltyboi6704
"Am a welder. Tig is the only one I’d do naked haha. Mig and stick have too much spicy rain coming from them lol"
- MarionberryNo3166
"Overhead Flux would have your pecker looking like Anakin at the end of episode 3."
- BigPapaNurgle
Pink Would Stink
"Insulation installers; pink fibreglass everywhere."
- JimmyJazz1971
"As an electrical apprentice who has been crawling around an attic all day, I can comfortably say f*ck pink insulation and who made that sh*t so itchy!"
- Brothersunset
"I can feel this everywhere right now."
- TotallyInOverMyHead
On Company Time
company GIFGiphy"Septic tank divers."
"But on the upside, if they need to take a dump they can just do it without having to stop working!"
- RiddlingVenus0
"Always sh*t on company time."
- wananah
"I physically GAGGED."
- Mrs_Watzitooya
Teacher Trauma
"Grade school teachers."
- Lallner
"People who are homeschooled are freaking out right now."
- Bobbyjoethe3rd
"Specifically, brand new high school teachers."
"When I was student teaching, I was 22. I was teaching 17 and 18 year old seniors. It was bad, but it would have been even worse with no clothes."
- TheLonelySnail
The Source
glory cobra GIFGiphy"I'm a biochemist in a venom analysis lab."
"When I’m not in lab isolating venom proteins in DMSO and other chemicals that can help facilitate the passages of normally non permeable molecules through cell membranes, then I’m harvesting the venom from the source."
" 'The source' being venomous snakes."
"Blue jeans are basically the best armor that doesn’t compromise mobility. I mean, tromping through tall grass probably SHOULD mean chaps but they don’t work against large enough snakes and not getting struck at all will always be 99.999% of the effective safety practices we have developed against snake fangs."
"So even if I’m ok with wearing thinner long pants in the field I’m gonna keep that layer of mesh between my family jewels and strikes. I’ve had 2 close calls in that exact region."
- craftmacaro
Cranberry Spiders
dig in bob's burgers GIF by HULUGiphy"Working in a cranberry marsh seems like a really bad one."
"I’ve never been in a cranberry bog, but I know rice fields. If you're walking in water the goes up to your hips and it’s full of foliage or crops, it’s gonna wrap around you and it’s gonna get in some places."
"I would imagine trying to walk through a cranberry bog naked would not be fun."
- FlysDinnerSnack
"Also, cranberry bogs are filled with wolf spiders."
- Slant_Juicy
"I read an article about this that said:"
"'It turns out there’s a reason they ask prospective employees if they’re comfortable with spiders, and it’s a pretty wild one. You're going to have a hundred wolf spiders trying to climb your eyebrows during harvest.' "
"And now I want to know the spider leg quality control cut off point of cranberry products."
- CandiBunnii
"Today was the day I gave up eating all cranberry products for the rest of my life, thank you."
- dances_with_corgis
Hair Splinters
"God awful being a dog groomer. I get enough hair splinters wearing clothes…"
"Hair has a lot of structural integrity when its not long or old. It slices deep."
- Illustrious_Way_5241
"Hair splinters are SO annoying."
"I'm a Vet tech, I have to shave down pets for their surgical sites as part of the prep, I get them from that. I literally feel your pain."
- NurseMcStuffins
Nurse!
hospital hello GIFGiphy"Nurses, especially female nurses with all the creepy old men/altered mental status patients in hospitals."
- Less-Dirt-1673
"My germophobic self would rather get fired than have to go to work on this mandatory day."
- wankProcyon
An Hour
Excited Bear GIFGiphy"Kitchen work in general."
"I'm a chef. Judging by the amount of burns on my arms, I would burn my penis off in like an hour."
- atx00
"Once, at the end of working in a seasonal cooking job, I made good on my promise to show up to work in nothing but apron and Crocs."
"I lasted ten minutes on the line before bailing to get something between my skin and hot grease. So I can confirm that cooking naked is a terrible idea."
- kdubmaps
"For line cooks, the amount of time we spend bending over to reach coolers and pans and whatever would be absolutely revolting, and aprons don't solve that."
"Apparently a former cook at my job never wore underwear and while standing beside the very hot grill, it heated the zipper of his pants enough it caused some minor burns on his member."
"That is how we ended up having in the employee manual for uniforms, that the employee must wear underwear."
- tachibana_ryu
"I had a coworker that was wearing the fire retardant chef’s pants, and he accidentally leaned up against the edge of the flattop for a couple seconds."
"He was fine, he literally didn’t even feel heat, but his pants were scorched to hell."
"It probably would have been 2nd or 3rd degree through normal clothes… naked, you’d literally be cooking yourself…"
- Toss_Away_93
That's hot!
"Firefighters"
- RTwhyNot
"Use your hose! No the other one!!"
- ami2weird4u
"YOUVE TRAINED YOUR ENTIRE CHILDHOOD FOR THIS!"
- GolgiApparatus1
"There would be a lot of people attending that fire."
- lasvegaswil
Down to clown?
Eyes Reaction GIF by Sarah SquirmGiphy"Party clown, even worse if it is for a child's birthday"
- jaeger3344
"I'm not down with clowning, but where else are you inviting party clowns? Adult birthdays?"
- GavinBelsonsAlexa
"I seen clown getting hired for promoting stores and for events also"
- jaeger3344
" 'Look, children, a dachshund!' Squeaky noises 'and now it's a giraffe!' Squeaky noises 'And now it's a teddy bear!' Screams of horrified children"
- Kiyohara
"I feel like if you're hiring a party clown on the mandatory "go to work naked" day, you know exactly what you're getting. Could be their busiest time of the year"
- Lazy-Koala
Can we call in sick?
sick hey arnold GIFGiphy"As a chemist, I think I’ll just call in sick…"
- Bloorajah
"Bruh, molecular biologist checking in, I'm calling in sick too"
"I'm probably mostly EGFP positive at this point but still..."
- Durph08
"I work in a microbiology lab. Antibiotic-resistant infectious organisms galore. Right behind you."
- confictura_22
"I’m an environmental chemist. If we’re putting it in the environment it probably wouldn’t be that bad for my bare skin, right? …right?"
- aureliaxaurita
"As an industrial chemical vendor, I am also calling in sick. Partially because I don’t want to see all of the old naked men, partially because I don’t want my balls to be burned off by one thing or another."
- stepheno125
Now you see it...
"Magician"
- Corndog881
"Hey mister, where were you hiding those handkerchiefs?"
- 3CH0SG1
"Stripper Magician isn't far from it"
- HugoStiglitz007
"A stripper magician would be a wonderful addition to parties and funerals"
- calimbus
"All I can think of now is c*ck magic from south park"
- LuminaryOfTheStars15
That may be fun
Ignoring New York GIF by Muppet WikiGiphy"Jackhammer operator."
- Various_Cricket4695
"I think the unhindered jangling of your bits while operating a jackhammer would be mesmerizing. Maybe even like a fan that goes at the exact right speed so that it appears to not be moving at all."
- Absenceofavoid
"You've got a beautiful way with words"
- BrokeInService
"A co-worker took a slow-mo of me running a jumping jack. If my noodle-arm in that vid is an indicator I'd have to say it'd look hilarious"
- BrokeInService
"That sounds like a jolly ol time"
- PoeLaHa
Insecurity guard.
"I think I'd have it pretty rough as security..."
- jluponeage
"Idk nobody wants to fight the naked guy"
- somebigdog
"Might you be... insecure?"
- CallMeABeast
"Same line of work man, though on night shift sometimes I feel I'm the only one who ain't nekked"
- EricWolf
More like "no no no!"
Christmas Santa GIF by Katy PerryGiphy"Mall Santas"
- LegendEchidna
"Bravo, this one got me"
- willtrent16
"Santa brought the North Pole with him this year!"
- felixfelix
"I imagine them only wearing a hat, the beard and the boots. LMFAO horrific"
- xccrunky
"They arent supposed to be naked?"
- SexyWomanNotMan
Dressers
"Strippers. Less business that day, probably. Everyone is at Hooters."
- NoAlternative2913
"They'd be called dressers for the day."
- Kom4r
"Yeah baby put it all on."
- ParisGreenGretsch
"That's when you make a business model out of putting clothes back on slowly. If anyone comes in late they miss some of the nudity and may wanna try and pay to get something back. Who knows I can see something coming of this"
- Got_It_Memorized_22
"5D response right here"
- crubbyDoubleNuts
Sargent!
full metal jacket GIFGiphy"Military, especially in an active warzone."
- WoXihuanKoujia
"I dunno man, if a dude is crazy enough to charge at me nude my first instinct might be to run and not let the nude dude wrestle me to the ground."
- 2_Facebook_Zucks·
"General Buttnaked did exactly that."
- thorpie88
"It's genius. They'll be looking for army guys and completely skip your naked ass"
- czs5056
"Idk why I found this so funny. But I immediately thought of the fact that instead of hearing the ominous sound of a thousand people marching with those heavy military boots it would be a thousand of the slaps you get when you run with bare feet"
- Lobi-Wan
So... Florida man?
"Alligator feeder at zoo"
- triniazhole
"This is normal in Florida, it's hot and Florida man aint got time to get dressed before wrangling him some gator."
- 2_Facebook_Zucks
"This is normal in Florida" is not a very convincing argument."
- TheUnholyRomanEmpire
"I live there; can confirm"
- TchaikenNugget
"Eh, is that beige vest and those khaki shorts really gonna make the difference between a pay check and death?"
- Current-Area-4291
Reddit brings up a lot of good points and fun new things for me to have anxiety induced nightmares about.
What other jobs would you add to the naked nightmare list?
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Reddit user kellogg888 asked:
"People who don't sleep naked, why?"
We'll start with the obvious and maybe most relatable reason for people living with family - NOBDOY KNOWS HOW TO KNOCK!
Family Frustrations
knock the big bang theory GIFGiphy"Because family members don't know how to f*cking knock that's why."
- mishi-as-in-m
"Honestly mine don't either. I just let them learn their lesson."
"Don't knock? You see something that'll scare you for life. Your fault not mine. I have no shame."
- IF**kedYourDadd
"Family is it."
"I used to sleep naked and free and then got on the dating scene again. Dated a woman with kids and - you never know who's gonna have a bad dream and come cuddle - or what midnight emergency may come along."
"Now, even though I am no longer with a woman with kids - I stay prepared for midnight emergencies. Now that I can afford comfy PJ's it's really kind of nice."
"Also I'm not flat-bellied and twenty anymore."
- SomeFckingWizard
A Sweaty Situation
"If I have skin touching skin, it sweats a lot."
"I don't like to spread my arms and legs. I like to curl up in a ball on my side."
"My arms touch my sides. My stomach touches my upper thighs. My thighs touch each other. I don't want all of that to become a big hot sweaty mess."
- svenson_26
"This right here, I've tried sleeping naked before and every time it's been super uncomfortable cuz of this."
- Piemaster113
"Can confirm. There’s definitely a strong correlation between how naked I sleep and how sweaty I get."
- Stussydude
Woman.
"Woman. Blood."
- Halalamay
"General discharge too"
- PetiteEbonyDoll
"Yeah stuff comes out of me sometimes and I can’t have it roaming free in my bed"
- VermicelliHospital
"Trans man. Also blood lol"
- joyfulsoulcollector
"Also woman, my #1 reason is a likely irrational but nevertheless EXTREMELY strong fear of spiders crawling in somewhere they don't belong."
- jcpianiste
It's Cold
"I am always cold!"
"Some nights I even layer 2 pairs of socks. Meanwhile my Fiancé is sleeping in the same room just his undies."
- interruptingcow_moo
"No kidding."
"My wife had a hysterectomy which forced her into menopause, so her temperature regulation is f'ed up to say the least. Hot flashes are a way of life."
"I had to put a window AC unit in put bedroom so she wouldn't die."
"Me? I have all the covers, a fleece blanket, flannel lounge pants and a shirt during the summer so I can sleep. If I don't have all that I will freeze to death."
- rock_vbrg
"My fiancee sleeps naked, I don't mind. But I also don't understand it..."
"Like HOW are you not freezing??"
"I have very comfy, very warm sleepwear. Heck, sometimes if it's really cold, I'll wear a whole sweater to bed. Or steal her blanket."
"So I have lazy-sleep clothes, a sweater AND two blankets to sleep with and she's there just naked and comfy."
- Hjemi
Emergency Exits
"What if a there’s an earthquake in the middle of night and I have to run?"
- IcmCoffee
"My uncle used to sleep naked. Until his trailer caught fire in the middle of the night and he had to run butt naked to some old woman's house and convince her to open the door or call 911."
"Didn't help that he's a gun guy, so all his ammo was firing in the background."
"I was a kid when this happened. The whole idea just makes me nervous."
- avamarie
"One night my wife and I were having sexy time that ended with us going to sleep naked. The next morning we were woken up early by a 5.7 magnitude earthquake."
"There we are, both naked, trying to get to our two kids, not get hurt by things falling down/broken glass."
"My wife vowed to never sleep naked again as she now has a fear of earthquakes and I now have a hate of earthquakes since they took naked cuddles away from me."
- Arosland3
"We had a house fire a few weeks ago. I was so thankful that I was wearing leggings that night and my husband was wearing sweatpants."
"That gave us at least a days worth of clothes before we could hit Target for another outfit."
- MyNameIsntFlower
Paintbrushing
True Story Art GIFGiphy"Because the tip of my penis touching the bedding drives me insane."
- dingbatyokel5000
"Agreed. I told my girlfriend it feels like my penis is 'paint brushing' the bed."
- minidude140
"Or when I shift positions and my meat and veg all rearrange into a new lineup on my other leg. The feeling is just distracting. I'd rather have them in a nice soft support hammock."
- AbsolutelyUnlikely
"This."
"It's like when you wear those horrible PE shirts back in school and had to run around a lot. The nipple burn... but on my penis."
"No thanks."
- cloudxnine
Vulnerability
"It makes me feel too vulnerable. Even though I’m totally safe, I just feel too exposed."
- LunaValley
"Ah so much scrolling to find this."
"My mind gets restless with made up scenarios until I’m like 'ok, I’ll put some soft pajamas on' and then I fall asleep instantly."
- zarillo2
"It’s the same for me."
"I wish I could feel comfortable enough to do it, but I just don’t feel right trying to sleep naked. The few times I tried, I always woke up in the middle of the night shivering and feeling anxious."
- swarlossupernaturale
"Yes! Thank you for understanding! I don't feel safe if I'm exposed and as a result can't sleep. I know I'm in my own house and totally safe, it's just this weird vulnerability thing."
- sharkittens
A Renaissance Fest Battle Axe
"I slept naked for a long time and I was always waking up hot or cold. Pajamas fixed the issue."
"There was also that time a drunk neighbor broke in and took the blankets off me and tried to kiss me."
"We were friends with the neighbor and would hang out on the back patio smoking. We’d walk to the wing place and eat. He would always go to his place to use the bathroom."
"One night he used ours and took the opportunity to unlock the front door that nobody used. He asked to borrow my roommates phone and she agreed and just told him to leave it on the porch when he was done."
"At about 5am I woke up with no covers on and he was whispering in my ear to kiss him just once."
"I grabbed the renaissance fest battle axe by my bed and swung and he ran. I went out of my room and my roommate heard the noise and she came out to find me naked with an axe."
"Then she found her phone in her room - he had been in there."
"We didn’t see him for a week and when he showed up he was arrested for something drug related. He left his dog on our porch. Eventually we found his mom and gave her the dog."
"I don't sleep naked."
- Antigravity1231
Pets
"I don't want my dog to be nosing around."
- kingswing77
"Used to sleep naked until my cat chomped on a ball."
"Very rude awakening. No damage but now boxer briefs keep the dangly bits from dangling in my sleep."
- Wezbob
"I too sleep with a dog in the bed. He licks my fingers to wake me up."
"Too many variables. You get the point."
- pacawac
"Similar. My puppy likes to sleep under the blanket and also thinks my junk is a chew toy."
"Well, he thinks everything is, but my junk is the most concerning."
- Rohndogg1
Never-nudes of the sleep world, why DON'T you sleep in the buff?
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