Sometimes it's fun to toy with someone.
Especially if it's an enemy or a loved one who simply deserves a good ribbing.
Some cryptic sentences can send anyone into a tailspin.
And oh the fun that can be had.
You have to be as vague as possible and as sincere.
You have to sell the sincerity. That's vital!
And then just watch them implode.
Redditor theary18 wanted to hear about the most creative ways to throw somebody off their game, so they asked:
"What is the best thing to say to someone to subtly f**k with their head?"
I love to come up behind someone and say "I can't believe they would treat you this way. I got you girl!"
Then I scurry away.
Tee-hee...
It's YOU!
For Me GIF by Liz HuettGiphy"Just tack on the phrase 'given your history' to any question you ask someone."
"Are you sure you want another drink? Given your history?"
"Do you mind driving? Given your history?"
hamletreset
Mean Kids...
"I moved to my elementary school in the 5th grade. Mid-year, a boy came up to me and said, 'I really thought you were gonna be somebody.' I'm now 45 and I'm still like, what the f**k was he talking about?"
NicklePlatedSkull
"Likely something they heard a parent say to someone. Kids love to repeat the dumb stuff you say the next day at school."
itsallgoodman2002
"All jokes aside he probably thought you were someone else. I've done the same things countless times and it's happened to me a few."
Download_more_ramram
"I would interpret this as this kid hearing there's gonna be a 'new kid' and then their imagination ran wild as to who this new star is going to be, that it will be like in some kid movie or something, but you turned out to be just another kid student."
i_was_planned
I Like You
"I don't get why other people don't like you."
Dependent_Main2643
"Another variant is..."
"I don’t care what everyone else is saying. I think you’re great!"
"They’ll take it as a compliment at first but then they’ll think about it and it’ll eat away at them."
Oh-Cool-Story-Bro
"A guy I work with says this time to me every time I help him 'I don’t care what everyone else says about you you’re alright. Literally everyone else. We did a poll.' XD guy says some crazy s**t. When he started he tried to convince us he was a flat earther. He just likes fucking with people."
ThreeBeatles
Rumors
“'I heard about you.'"
ignorantpigeon
"Whenever I hear this I always respond with 'if it’s all good, it’s all lies.' Usually shows my sense of humor and if it is bad things they heard it usually lightens the mood."
ElApolloLoco
"Years ago I worked at a cafe and function venue which was sold after a few years to a new catering company. The first time I met the new restaurant manager I introduced myself and she exclaimed 'Oh, you’re winoforever!' and I was a bit weirded out. Then not long later I met the new owner and she also said 'Oh, you’re winoforever!' I still wonder twenty years later what they’d both heard about me."
winoforever_slurp_
Problems
Drunk Party Girl GIFGiphy"Go up to someone at a party and say: 'I just want you to know that personally, I have no problem with you being here.'"
LuketheMook
"I once got drunk and effectively said that to a girl at a wedding. 'I don't care what everyone else thinks, I always liked you' or something like that."
Supersnazz
Parties are the perfect setting for these shenanigans.
Especially with the drinkers.
But get them at least semi-sober.
I got You
Okaay What GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy"If you are chatting with someone and another person walks up look at them and say 'I just want you to know that I was defending you' then turn and walk off. It's a good 2fer."
could_use_a_snack
Hush
"'We know, but don't worry, we'll keep it a secret.'"
ch3rrycsmos_
"A friend in high school (actually still a current friend) said something similar to me and it definitely f**ked with my head. 'You know you're not fooling anyone, right?' He wouldn't elaborate and it took me the rest of the day to figure out he was f**king with me. As a guy with imposter syndrome, especially as a teen, that had me turned for a bit."
ablackcloudupahead
You Again
"If it’s someone you interact with repeatedly, always introduce yourself as if you’ve never met before."
Stillwater215
"I keep doing this to a guy I see very occasionally. He's a friend of my sister-in-law, but I've introduced myself to him at least four times. Right now, I'm trying to picture his face and I totally can't, so if I see him again, I'll introduce myself again. He remembers me though. And I don't have this issue with anyone else, I just can't remember this guy's face for some reason."
KrtekJim
Big Mouth
"You really need to brush your teeth."
setthepinnacle
"Somebody jokingly left a message on the 'tip' line that said 'Take a breath mint.'"
"I'm like 90% sure it was just the first thing that came to his head but it f**ked with me for weeks. I was self-conscious when talking to people, being close to them with my mouth open, and I'd constantly be brushing longer/harder taking mouthwash a couple extra times a day, and using mints."
ToFaceA_god
Head Issues
Think About It GIF by IdentityGiphy"Give all your friends a few dollars to compliment their hat if they’re not wearing one. When 50 people insist you’re wearing a hat, you start to think you’re wearing a hat. It will drive them insane."
Stillwater215
Hats off for that last one. That's harmless but devious.
Do you have any tips to add? Let us know in the comments below.
“Everybody hates me until they need me.” What professions are examples of this?"
Joke All You Want, They Both Help You When You're In Trouble...
"Lawyers and mechanics."
"You want to have a good one of each, but you never want to have to call either of them."- OneFingerIn
Literally Always There To Clean Up Your Mess...
"When I was a janitor I got a lot of hate for knocking out my 8 hour day in 4 individual hour long chunks of effort."
"I Was always available for spills and got extra work done every day but spent another 4 hours basically chilling and management not once got on my case."
"The other employees despised this until a customer's colostomy bag somehow ruptured in the bathroom."
"From that day forward none of them gave a f*ck if I was just hanging out on my phone."- Electronic_Warning49
Risking Their Lives To Save Ours
"The US Coast Guard for fishermen and boaters."
"Usually there's a pretty good working relationship between them, but some hate the Coast Guard for the various inspections they do."
"But the USCG is also the ones who will come out there in a storm to rescue them."- raym0ndv2
sad episode 12 GIFGiphyThe IT Factor...
"IT, except people hate me when they need me, too."- Dogstile
"IT, not the clown."- Nebula_Forte
"Any IT job requiring break/fix support."
"Basically when everything works it’s 'good it’s supposed to work' and then when something goes wrong that’s out of your control it’s 'what did you do?!'"
"When we did absolutely nothing to cause the problem, haha."- Psilocyb-zen
It Crowd Maurice Moss GIFGiphyThe Improve Much More Than People's Vanity
"Plastic Surgeons."
"My uncle is a plastic surgeon and he does only reconstructive stuff, fixing burn victims faces and stuff like that."
"But when people ask him what kind of doctor he is and he says Plastic Surgeon, they usually kinda scoff."- darkysix
The Butt Of One Too Many Jokes...
"Lawyer here."
"The expectation that because you are a lawyer you know everything about every law everywhere."
"In reality most lawyers are highly specialized."- Bisjoux
Ironic That The People Who Help Our Smile Often Make Us Frown
"Dentists for sure."- Ohboohoolittlegirl
Dentist GIFGiphyGetting Your Money's Worth
"All the trades guys."
“'They’re so expensive!'"
"Until that plumber shows up at 2am to prevent the sewage backup."
"Or the electrician that fixes an overloaded breaker panel, preventing a fire."
"Or the carpenter who builds the room for your toddler so you can get some sleep and maybe some sexy time."
"Definitely tradesmen."- Wolfie1531
Be Honest Though, Would You Rather Do Your Own Taxes?
"Accounting."- tadashi4
It's Often The Context Which Ignites The Hatred...
"'Lawyer' is going to be the most common answer to this question by far."
"But I suppose any licensed service provider could fall into this category, given the right context."
"Plumbers are another good example."
'Everyone thinks they're scum and crooks until the washing machine breaks down."
"Electricians, contractors, locksmiths, etc."
"They all fit this mold."
Season 2 Lawyer GIF by MartinGiphy"Unless you work with them daily, you're not going to be seeing them very often."
"And you're only seeing them when there's a problem , so you're primed to be upset by the time they even show up."
"Psychologically, you associate the plumbing issue with the plumber, when ironically, the plumber is there to fix it."
"Everyone wants to shoot the messenger."
"IT people and network security professionals are another classic example of this effect."- MissBitsy
When You Realize You Can't Call To Complain...
"Lineman."
"Been called a lazy overpaid drug addict by old men I don't even know."
"God forbid we go grab lunch or a coffee."- MaesterKyle
The Ones Who Make Your Late Night Craving Feasible...
"Fast food workers."
"They’re the butt of every demeaning comment about a lack of achievement or the reason why minimum wage shouldn’t be raised blah blah blah."
"But those people get real quiet once they’re ordering their Big Mac."- TheHomieData
food service ce416 GIF by truTV’s The Carbonaro EffectGiphyIt's often when we need the help of others that we find ourselves at our most anxious and frustrated.
This is why it's important to remind ourselves that these people are there to help us, and we should not take out our anxiety or frustration on them.
Particularly if we want the problem to be solved.
Redditor Ghost_of_Society wanted to hear about all of the worst ideas for comedy people have witnessed. So they asked everyone:
"What's the cruelest 'prank' you've ever seen?"
The only pranks I've pulled have been prank calls.
You don't know how people will react.
"friends"
Look Around Ok GIF by BounceGiphy"20 years ago, a friend of mine was prank kidnapped on halloween. Driven to a cornfield and left tied up and blindfolded for an hour. Was not funny. The 'friends' that did this actually got some time in prison."
PeeGeePeaKee420
Naked
"One of the guys on my high school track team was pantsed directly in front of the girls from the team. He wasn’t wearing underwear. The person who pantsed him was one of his close friends."
tornadobravo
"Yeah that happened to me when I was a kid. I had enough friends and self esteem that I wasn't devastated, and the girls were all really sweet like 'we didn't really see what happened' but I still never talked to that 'friend' ever again, and was a little traumatized for a while."
Live2ride86
Cruel
"Not so much a prank, but in high school, there was a girl who was apart of the spectrum and she was showing off a dance, and these cheerleaders were clearly laughing at her. The thing is, is that the girl didn’t realize they were making fun of her. They told her to do it again just so they could laugh more."
not7withu
Just like 90%
"I was 14 and going out to eat with my first girlfriend and my mom at Jimboys. Just like 90% of 14 year old males, I suffered from acne pretty bad. We were eating and having a good time and out of nowhere my mom looks to my girlfriend and asks."
"'Do you like popping bumps?'"
"My eyes widened, she knew I horrified by her question. My girlfriend just got quiet and her face went red. She then proceeds to say..."
"'What?!?!? It's not like she can't see them, and you need someone to do something about them.'"
"Then laughed, then got mad no one else thought it was funny and ruined the rest of the evening. I could never understand doing something like that to my child..."
The-DapAttack
Phoney
I Love You Valentine GIFGiphy"A girl wrote an elaborate letter pretending to be another girl in class and handed it to me. I was shocked to receive my first love letter and felt like garbage when I found out it was fake."
chdeal713
How would one think that's funny?
The Switch
oh no wtf GIF by BounceGiphy"I remember seeing a video where they switched the pregnancy test to a fake positive one on their 'friend' struggling with infertility. Messed up."
lydiethesquidie
Just Abuse
"There was that youtube 'family' that was like, 'daddy of five' or something, where one of the kids was literally -abused- constantly. They would do HORRIBLE crap to this boy and then say 'it was a prank for the channel' and he would be absolutely -destroyed- and scream he hated youtube..."
"Anything done as a prank for Youtube? Thats almost as bad as Child Abuse Pranking for Youtube."
rdewalt
The Reveal
"The TV show WB Superstar from the early 2000's. It was a show like American Idol, but they were actually looking for the worst singers. But they told the contestants they were looking for the best singers until the very end of the competition, when they revealed the truth to the winner after their final performance in front of a live audience. Very cruel show."
NerdSandwich
Hang Up
"I have no idea what radio station this was on as I was only a kid, but they used to do prank phone calls. I have little to no recollection of many of them except this one, as even as a kid I could tell it was just wrong."
"The radio host rang up a woman and advised that he was the manager of her husband's company and he was very sorry to tell her that he had been involved in an accident with some heavy machinery and it had resulted in his death."
"As you would expect the woman was beside herself with being told her husband had just died, she was wailing on the phone and the radio host couldn't really get another word in to explain it was a joke, and then they just cut off the phone call and played a song."
"Even as a kid I knew it was a really stupid and cruel idea, and I'm pretty sure that was the last time they did a 'prank' phone call."
kacey_88
Tragedy
Shaking Head Reaction GIF by GIPHY NewsGiphy"A group of 5 boys decided to throw rocks from an overpass at the cars below, one of the rocks ended up going through a car’s windshield and killed the driver. The boys got charged with 2nd degree murder."
noncenuggets450
Can we all agree to pranks are just dangerous?
Enough. And it goes without saying, but please do not try these at home, folks.
Redditor kk653 wanted to hear about the parts of life that have gotten to the opposite extreme of where they started. So they asked everyone out there:
"What started as a joke but people take it way too seriously today?"
Crocs. How did they become a thing?
Seriously?
happy tom cruise GIF by South Park Giphy"Scientology. Come on. He's a Sci-fi writer and now a bunch of people believe they have Mendichloreans or some sh*t in their blood making them do bad things. Wow."
Gillbreather
Stop Complaining
"Nyquil chicken."
"There was a guy who made a video on TikTok jokingly saying that he had a great recipe for cooking chicken in Nyquil. A few people made response videos, but everyone who saw it knew it was a joke."
"Then mainstream media picked it up, and blew it out of proportion. They made it sound like it was an actual trend for people to be cooking Nyquil. There are already plenty of problems on TikTok, we don't need to invent new ones to complain about."
TheAres1999
Morons
"That science can't explain why bumblebees can fly. It literally started as a joke among scientists. Now some anti-scientific morons use it as an argument against science. Source: https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hummel-Paradoxon"
"Edit: English version: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bumblebee#Misconception_about_flight"
Schlaueule
"I worked with a guy who literally used this as an argument for God against science. Which, regardless of your beliefs, is absolutely silly because I showed him multiple videos and articles telling how bees fly and he kept saying, 'Yes, but we can't explain it.'"
"*itch, they just did. Ten times! Listen!!"
kingferret53
The Test
"The Bechdel Test. Not that the issue it raises shouldn't be taken seriously, but people totally misunderstand that it was only supposed to highlight how absurd it is that so many movies fail to reach the very low bar it sets. I've seen filmmakers brag at Comic-Cons and the like now about how their movies pass the Bechdel Test and it's seen as a female character representation stamp of approval when it really just means it reached a satirically low bare minimum threshold originally created by a cartoonist."
VULCAN_WITCH
Fame
Donald Trump GIF by Election 2016Giphy"Celebrities becoming politicians."
ZaryssThesia
"After all this, I never want to be told I need experience for a job ever again."
ajlposh
Our political system isn't a joke, it's a travesty.
Currency
Shiba Inu Cryptocurrency GIF by Daryl AlexsyGiphy"Dogecoin."
Eparii
"I remember a Twitter post where someone asked the Dogecoin creator whether they thought about the environmental impact when creating this coin. He replied saying he took 2 hours to create the cryptocurrency and did not consider anything."
daaniscool
Types
"Those masculinity types, like Apha, Omega and Sigma male, etc. Some people take this too seriously."
Nihlus-N7
"People thought that's how wolves operate and just projected it onto humans. Turns out that wolves also don't do that."
idk_this_my_name
"I think the best part of that whole thing is the fact that the guy who first thought that's how wolf packs worked is the same one who found out it's not how they work."
DarthOptimist
Meow me not...
"Schrodinger's Cat was formulated as a thought experiment to illustrate how odd quantum mechanics is, not that the cat is actually both alive and dead."
uraniumraven
"Not just that, Schrodinger came up with it to demonstrate how absurd and ridiculous the idea was. It was just that his peers thought it actually demonstrated their ideas quite well and started using it as a layman's explanation."
AzyKool
"Schrodinger's cat lived long enough to become the villain."
macewystan
Science
flat earth sour brite crawlers GIF by TrolliGiphy"Flat Earth."
Pichuk
"I remember that it's a forum, i think it's called www.flatearth.org or something. The forum said that it was a debate training ground. The idea was, if you can defend such a ridiculous idea as saying that the earth is flat, then you can defend anything.
"Little did we know..."
nyenkaden
Brain power
"Brain only using 10% of its ability." - ksaunders8
"A better understanding of this would be that a traffic signal is only utilizing 1/3 of its capacity at any one time. If you observe over a time period/with diverse tasks you'll likely see 100% utilization." - Dry-Manufacturer-165
Bootstraps
"Pull yourself up by your bootstraps." Get on the floor and try it. It's impossible. That's the meaning. It was originally used as a sarcastic joke. But today it means the opposite because fanatical capitalists co-opted the phrase and changed the meaning to the opposite." - neonomen
Halloween Candy
"The idea that people are putting drugs or razor blades or other hazards in your kid's halloween candy."
"That is pure unadulterated media fear-mongering. They've been doing it for decades, and it's pure BS every time. I have to wonder if it's not some propaganda paid for by a candy company so people will buy candy to give out on Halloween instead of making it themselves. Sounds like something Nestle would do." - Generico300·
Music Choices
"Hating on Nickelback apparently." - honeydew_bunny
Birds work for the bourgeoise
"Birds aren’t real. I believe the guy who started it actually came out saying it was all intended as a joke and he’s surprised people actually take it seriously now." - jozzywolf121
Religious affiliations
"The church of the flying spaghetti?!" - WobblyBroth
Well that's a lot of jokes that didn't really land.
"What's the best joke you know?"
Car Humor
"A lot of people tell me I’ve got an addiction to brake fluid, truth is I can stop at any time."- SweetAndSourSymphony
Wait For It...
"This reminds me of the man who was driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery."
"He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, 'My car broke down."
"'Do you think I could stay the night?'"
"The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car'."
"As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound."
"A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before."
"The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind."
"He doesn't sleep that night; he tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound."
"The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, 'We can't tell you'."
"You're not a monk'."
"Distraught, the man is forced to leave."
"Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again."
"The monks reply, 'We can't tell you'."
"'You're not a monk'.”
"The man says, 'If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk'."
"The monks reply, 'You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand'."
"When you find these answers, you will have become a monk'."
"The man sets about his task."
"After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery."
"A monk answers."
"He is taken before a gathering of all the monks."
"'In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for'."
"By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change."
"Only God knows what you ask."
"All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception."
"The monks reply, 'Congratulations'."
"'You have become a monk'."
"'We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound.'"
"The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, 'The sound is beyond that door'."
"The monks give him the key, and he opens the door."
"Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone."
"The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby."
"And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond."
"Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold."
"The sound has become very clear and definite. "
"The monks say, 'This is the last key to the last door'."
"The man is apprehensive; his life's wish is behind that door! "
"With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open."
"Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound......"
"But, of course, I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk."- 2TicketsToFlavorTown
Are You Kidding Me Alyssa Edwards GIF by NETFLIXGiphyBoat Humor
"Why do SCUBA divers fall out of the boat backwards?"
"Because if they fell forwards they'd still be in the boat."- hoooligans
Super Funny
"Two men are sitting drinking at a bar at the top of the Empire State Building, when the first man turns to the other and says 'you know, last week, I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, the winds around the building are so intense that by the time you fall to the 10th floor, they carry you around the building and back into a window'."
"The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar."
"The second guy says, 'What, are you nuts?'"
"'There's no way that could happen'."
"'No, it's true'," the first man says."
"'Let me prove it to you'."
"He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and plummets toward the street below."
"As he nears the 10th floor, the high winds whip him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar."
"He meets the second man, who looks quite astonished."
"'You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke'."
"'No, I'll prove it again,'" says the first man as he jumps again'."
"Just as he is hurtling toward the street, the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window."
"Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it."
"'Well, why not', the second guy says, 'It works'."
"'I'll try it'."
"He jumps over the balcony, plunges downward passes the 11th, 10th 9th, 8th, floors, and hits the sidewalk with a SPLAT."
"Back upstairs the bartender turns to the other drinker and says, 'You know Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk'."
Man Of Steel Ok GIFGiphyOops!
"What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?"
"The taste."- vietbond
Um...
"Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees?"
"Because they're really good at it."
Nick Offerman Thumbs Down GIF by NBCGiphyWhat time is it after you're done reading these jokes?
It might not be time to laugh, because some of these jokes are NOT funny.
Only kidding...