Redditor Abysmal_2003 wanted to discuss sex and all the drama and fun it brings.
"How important is sex to you In a relationship?"
I love sex. And from experience I know it's important.
Toilet Thoughts
I Understand 2 Chainz GIF by MOST EXPENSIVESTGiphy"A wise man once told me 'Sex in a relationship is like a bathroom in a house. It's not why you're there, but if it disappears it can be an issue.'"
Fubai97b
Desire
"Sigh... Prostate cancer survivor here. Since I had my prostate removed to stave off cancer, I have no sexual desire (this is rare; many men have ED problems, but an unlucky few like me have no sexual desire at all). My wife has been very supportive (we are both in late 60's early 70's) and we still have plenty of cuddles and our memories to fall back on."
amerkanische_Frosch
Checkmate
"I think it's something for which you need checkpoints every so often. While at the beginning you may have the same drive things can change on a physical level (hormones, etc) that may pull you one way or another. Don't assume that just because you had the talk years ago and you feel the same way that it's the same on the other side as well."
FellcallerOmega
"bringing it up"
"Doesn't have to be a centerpiece but I should never have to beg for it."
its_Is
"This to be honest. Always felt like I was the one 'bringing it up' so to say. Pretty big dealbreaker. And before someone saying stuff about how I could do something different/I did something wrong: Shut up. You have no clue about any context."
KanadeKanashi
Not Everything
making love passionate kiss GIFGiphy"Sex isn't a super important part of a relationship until one of you isn't getting the sex you want to be getting. Then it can become very important."
ethnicbonsai
Clearly everyone is obsessed with sex. Big shock.
Same Page
Season One Love GIF by This Is UsGiphy"If it’s not important to you, you better make sure your partner feels the same or you are going to have a bad time."
lone_rutabaga
Human Intimacy
"I really don’t care at all. I used to think I wanted sex, but then I realized I just incredibly starved of human intimacy. Yes sex is an intimate thing but I’ll be just as happy curled up under a blanket with someone."
YUNGN0
"Agreed. Am dating someone who can't have sex right now for medical reasons... instead we just cuddled on the bed for a little bit. It was just as magical, if not more so."
Glamdring804
earth-shattering...
"I was someone who placed some importance on it before but not a ton. Then I met someone who really gave me an actual earth-shattering orgasm and that’s all she wrote. I’m still as attracted to him as I was when we first got together. Sex isn’t everything but when it’s good it really does take the relationship to another level."
SPtotheA
be-all-end-all...
"Pretty important. I love sex. It makes me feel closer to my partner. I love feeling desirable, vulnerable, loved, trusted, and just good. That being said, if my sexual partners decided they didn't want sex anymore for whatever reason, than our relationships wouldn't change for me. I'd miss the sex, and coping might be difficult initially. But as important as sex is, it's not the be-all-end-all when it comes to loving someone, and I'd still be grateful to have them in my life."
mother**queer
Desired
tired madonna GIFGiphy"For me the sex itself isn’t what’s important so much as the feeling of being desired. We don’t have to have sex often as long as I know I’m the only one you’re looking at in that way."
ImAshroom-69
Together
"Very important, it brings us so much closer."
Inside-Currency9002
"I was someone who placed some importance on it before but not a ton. Then I met someone who really gave me an actual earth-shattering orgasm and that’s all she wrote. I’m still as attracted to him as I was when we first got together. Sex isn’t everything but when it’s good it really does take the relationship to another level."
SPtotheA
80/20
"Crucial. My mom used to say when the sex is good it makes up 20% of a relationship, when the sex is bad it becomes 80% of the relationship."
WhiteTigressss
"Old Boomer Dude Here: She was right on point. My sex drive departed in my fifties and I don’t miss it, but my poor wife certainly does. The interesting thing is apart from that, I’m a pretty great husband. But the lack of intimacy is killing the marriage."
bdbdbokbuck
beyond a certain point...
"I'd put it as a requirement, but it's more like 'we need a certain amount of compatibility sexually for this relationship to work' rather than it being a primary determinant of how much I value the relationship. Like, beyond a certain point, if sexual compatibility is good enough, it doesn't matter if it's the best I've ever had or if we have it all the time. Other things are much more important. Nonetheless, if we couldn't even make each other happy sexually, there's no way I'd stay in that relationship."
d**gsucker
Desire
passion seduction GIFGiphy"I just want to be desired."
darlingmakinzie
"This. The actual act of sex is cool, but I want the desire. I want to be lusted after the same way I would lust at my partner."
xxDoublezeroxx
Bad Cuts
"For me it’s important because it makes me feel wanted. But I only want it if she wants it. Nothing worse than having it feel like it’s a chore or obligation for her. Once a month isn’t cutting it but I’ve tried everything to make things in her life easier that maybe she’d be interested. My self esteem is now at a zero and all I want is to feel wanted or desired."
TheHeed97015
Chores
"Very... sex to me isn't just getting my load off but it'd a actual 'connection' to me on a emotional level... being able to communicate with each other and have a good sex life because of it is just as important to me as something as simple like being able to share chores or being able to accept that you might disagree on things and that being more then okay."
6F1I
Partners
black and white love GIFGiphy"Not at all important. To me the emotional intimacy matters. For me a relationship is a safe space where we can support each other and be there for each other. Sex doesn't have to be a part of that. Of course, as long as both partners think that way, otherwise there's gonna be a problem."
Name-Forsaken
speaking from experience...
"There are a lot of great responses in this thread. Great question, but also I think the wrong focus. The right one is 'how important is sex in the relationship you have?' If the answer to the question you asked is more or less the same from both parties, then all is good."
"If this is a source of disconnect then it can be a major issue. Sex and intimacy are foundational to a true relationship, but whether or not it is a load bearing support depends on both partners not just you. (speaking from experience)."
waremi
Hold Me
"It wouldn’t really affect me to not have it. Cuddles on the other hand... I can’t imagine a relationship without them. They recharge me and fill me with love."
machinedog
Sex. Love it. Hate it. We need it or need to communicate our needs. At least now and again.
I love sex. But it can be stressful. I've always found connection to be one of the best lessons.
Communications
GIF by HULUGiphy"Assuming they already know what their partner wants/likes and doesn't communicate or take any instructions."
Melonqualia
Take it Slow
"No foreplay and not caring if your partner is enjoying it."
orangecrushhhh
"I had an ex who literally never wanted to do any kind of foreplay. He just wanted basically sex of any kind for him. He said oral on women was gross."
UntiltheEndoftheline
Will U?
"Proposing mid intercourse."
Immortal_D_Class
"Honestly? With the partner I have, I'd think it was pretty hot and romantic lmao. I'd check in after the deed to make sure he was serious but our relationship is already very serious so it wouldn't be a big deal."
Weird_Spinach
Talk to Me
"Not talking or making any noises. We don't have to dirty talk the whole time or even at all but you gotta let me know you're enjoying it at least."
idkburneridkidk
"I think there's some balance between having some small talk, silence, and dirty talk while being in bed with someone. Or maybe that's just been my experience. I don't know--I think there's some fun in trying to carry a side conversation while having sex lol."
BranTheBrokens
Experts
"Friction isn’t always a good thing."
KathAlMyPal
Yuck
Bored Larry Bird GIF by SB NationGiphy"To this you can add unclipped fingernails."
Whats4dinner
"And dirty fingernails. Nah, ma'am. I’m betting this is not worth the infection. Thanks."
ADDYISSUES89
‘good at sex’
"I have a feeling most men will say 'lack of enthusiasm' and that most women will say 'being selfish about pleasure.'"
addicted_to_blistex
"I’m a woman and my first thought was lack of enthusiasm, but my own lack of enthusiasm. The only bad sex I’ve had is when I don’t genuinely want to be there. I’ve had sex with guys who weren’t ‘good at sex’ but still enjoyed it because I was really into them."
maybememaybeno
Damn Pat
"They are convinced they know more about what works for you than you know yourself. Just cause your ex-lover Pat liked technique X doesn't mean everyone does."
Less-Market9641
"Have experienced this, it sucks. He wouldn’t listen to what I enjoyed, didn’t want me to say ANYTHING even if it hurt or wasn’t working, and would just say something along the lines of 'every other woman I’ve been with liked it.' I’m thinking, all you’ve had are one-night stands, really, so they probably didn’t say anything."
"I’ve had numerous partners and love sex. Crashed and burned with this one and he really crushed my self-esteem and sexual confidence."
Proper-Beach8368
I KNOW!!
"The biggest thing is always going to be selfishness and the inability/refusal to communicate and listen to your partner. I've seriously had a guy yell 'I KNOW HOW TO DO IT!' when I was trying to tell him how I liked whatever he was doing. He then got even more upset when I said 'did you just f**king yell at me? Alright, off, I'm done.'"
drunky_crowette
Flavors
Amanda Seales Wow GIF by truTVGiphy"Lack of variety. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean crazy kinks or positions from the karma sutra, but more when it's really predicable. I has an ex that had this weird routine of positions, it was exactly the same every single f**king time in exactly the same order."
thegrimrita
Sex. Let's be better at it.
Do you have similar experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Sex is fun. And when the sex stopped in my relationships... so did the fun. But that is just me.
A Certain Era
Very Funny Oops GIF by America's Funniest Home VideosGiphy"I'm over 80."
Head-like-a-carp
"There’s a lot of people that are going to be real shocked once they hit their 70s."
KarateKid72
Ruin
"Our second child has ruined her sex drive. Intimacy is still there but extremely infrequently. I've learned how much that intimacy brings to the relationship, it feels very lonely and although I know it's not her fault, it can still make you feel like she's not attracted to me anymore. It can be pretty lonely too if you go from a romantic relationship to borderline platonic one. You can't help wonder how much is body changes and how much is you."
W0otang
Let's Hug
"I had rectal cancer and because of the surgery I can no longer get an erection, it's very lonely."
rickroll62
"Not sure if one exists, but a site to just make friends to be cuddle buddies, or whatever, should exist for people like you & me. I lost my sex drive & would like a relationship for that occasionally."
"In my case, it's not wanting to see someone very often, as well as the lack of sex drive, that I think would make it difficult. I also don't like people over to my home as it's too small for a couch & we'd be hanging out on my bed, which is weird to me."
lefthandbunny
Problems
"I'm in one now. My husband had a stroke... no sex is not the big problem for either one of us."
Altaira99
"This comment brings a lot of perspective. My gut reaction to this question was no. Sex was and still is pretty significant in my relationship with my wife. We’re in our 30’s and have been together over a decade. But if something happened to her and it was no longer an option? I would never leave her and love her too damned much to imagine it, no matter how much we love sex."
Spectre627
Pain
Scarlett Johansson GIF by NETFLIXGiphy"I have a near sexless marriage. The love is strong, but the desire is one-sided. That hurts."
ztirffritz
Sexless over loveless is definitely easier. So there is that.
Over time...
up s GIFGiphy"I am happily married to my good lady for decades and decades. There are times when it has been sexless for whatever reason but never has it been loveless.I wouldn’t have lasted 2 days in a loveless relationship."
Regthedog2021
You play the cards you are dealt
"I’m dating a man who got diagnosed with prostate cancer a year or so into our relationship. Prostate had to come out and it’s a hit or miss whether or not sexual function comes back. In his case, it was a miss. He wanted me to move on because he got very depressed over it."
"He’s so pleasant and a real decent human being so I stayed with him. Who would abandon someone due to a health crisis? Unfortunately he got bladder cancer next so this is another hurdle to go over. You play the cards you are dealt. We are together in this."
KitchenWitch021
Key Factors
"The reasons for the 'sexlessness' and the depth of the relationship are key factors. My wife got breast cancer at 40 and while she lived another 8 years, the chemotherapy nullified her libido and made intercourse impossible. And yet I dearly wish we could have grown old together whether or not this would have changed. But that’s completely different from cohabiting a loveless marriage or even facing such a situation in one’s youth only a few years after marriage. That would be hard."
eric_nathanson
Options
"A sexless relationship is better than a loveless relationship, as long as I'm loved and we share physical affection like cuddling and kisses and I'm allowed to beat my meat when I need too I wouldn't care. Just a heads up to all the people who take this personally enough to comment how wrong I am."
"There's no such thing as a wrong option, my opinion is in regards to myself and myself alone I'm not answering for anyone else. Different opinions aren't wrong... OP asked a question to be answered from your own point of view..so there's no reason to call anyone else wrong... it's about you, answer for YOU I've answered for me."
TheSims4Dude
Love is there...
Checking In I Love You GIF by Seize the AwkwardGiphy"I'm in one. Not happy about it, but love is still there so that's nice."
Strythe_Horde
"Same. Maybe had it once in the last 12 years. Finally decided to go to couples/sex therapy this year. Not sure it is helping, but at least I finally brought up that I wanted to try something. My wife is my best friend and I love here with every fiber, just wish there was more intimacy there."
iathpa
it never happens...
"We haven't had sex in five months due to numerous reasons. Never have alone time with my mom and daughter here. We're both too tired. Our bed we have sex on is where my mom is sleeping. Our waterbed is difficult to use. We always say next weekend and it never happens. We're still going strong though. We love each other and that's what matters."
prettysouthernchick
Married for 28 years...
"I was in one. Married for 28 years. Her mental health changed and became a bitter person. There was no intimacy for the last 15 or so years but I stayed with her because I thought it was the right thing to do. Then one day in 2019 I got a knock on my back door. It was a sheriff's deputy serving me a restraining order and eviction papers."
"Get some things together and get out he said. I never laid a finger on her or threatened her ever but she fabricated lies. I told him to talk to her and see who you're dealing with. After about 5 minutes he pulled me aside and told me to file a restraining order on her,I'll call the judge and tell him your on your way. Both orders got thrown out and I was back in the house in 2 days."
"They told her to get counseling. Fast forward 2020 she left but would come around when I was at work , destroy my personal effects and damage the house. Re-filed the restraining order and am now in divorce proceedings. Last I heard she was in a homeless shelter. I'm 58 she's 63. And I don't give a heck."
Blackdogrising1
Easy...
Sorry GIF by AdeleGiphy"Definitely easy for me at least. I always had a weird relationship with sex. I'm still questioning myself if it is because of some unknown problems, if my sex drive isn't that high or if I'm ace in some way."
TheWanderingLich
“I’m starved”
"She likes sex. I like sex. Both relatively sex positive. When we have sex we both have a blast and get off. But toddler. We’re both all touched out and tired and sometimes frustrated with toddler happenings. So there will be large swaths of time where there has been no sex. And that’s fine."
"There was a time when I was younger where I would’ve said 'I’m starved' but really all I needed was a perspective change. If I were able to talk to my younger self I’d tell him 'it’s fine, you really need to quit devoting so much time and negative mental energy to these thoughts.'"
Rotanikleb
Be Cool
"I'm asexual, but didn't realize until after I had been in a committed relationship for a few years. Love my partner but couldn't care less about sex. I only do it because they enjoy it and I want them to be happy. But if I could go the rest of my life and not? Yeah, I'd be cool with it."
uncrackable_eggs
Sexless
"I wouldn't enter a sexless relationship, but I'll stay in one, depending on if she still loves me.My marriage is pretty sexless. It isn't because she doesn't love me, so even though I'm sexually unfulfilled on an always basis (I have a high sex drive, which is challenging when feeling unfulfilled), we still love each other and are life partners. Maybe, eventually, things will change with her sex drive. I'm not counting on it, because I don't want to be disappointed if it doesn't happen."
IntegratedSSR
Needs
"Yes, as long as there is still physical intimacy (cuddles, touches, kissing, etc...) and as long as my partner is ok with me having some alone time to take care of my sexual needs, then I don't mind. Love and affection are more important than the sex itself."
Emmazingx
Forever
ryan gosling kiss GIFGiphy"If something happened to my wife where she couldn’t have sex any more, I would definitely stay with her. We’ve been married over 47 years, she is my life."
bigedthebad
Eggshells
"Currently in a sexless relationship, that at times is borderline abusive... ever since we got a house together and joint mortgage, any intimacy has gone and her mood swings have gotten worse, everything is my fault. Constantly walking on eggshells... it freaking sucks."
RedditJock93
Well I guess some people can make it work. More power to you.
Tell me your worst. Mine our stories where I had find my clothes in the dark and sneak out naked.
Don't ask...
A Late Run
Tom Hanks Running GIFGiphy"Asked if he could drive my car to the gas station to buy cigarettes and when he came back he told me he left my keys in the car and it was running."
TopOcelot13
Beefed
"An old friend invited me over for her famous beef stew. I got there, we fool around, had sex, then right after she handed me a tupperware of the stew and said 'you got sex and stew, now please leave.' Still not sure if that's the worst way I was kicked out or the best."
TheRockMan31
"Most of the people here didn’t get stew. You did okay!"
livesarah
'is it that obvious'
"Went home with a girl from the bar. After we had sex, she said something like 'soooo... think you can get an Uber now? If not, I GUESS you can sleep on the couch for a few hours.' Here I was, sitting on some random girl's couch trying to find an Uber at 4 AM. Mercifully I did find one and when the guy picked me up he said 'so, your hookup kick you out?' I said 'is it that obvious' and he replied 'you weren't the first one I drove back to their car tonight and you probably won't be the last.'"
apocalypticradish
Yummy
Hungry Taco Bell GIFGiphy"Go grab some Taco Bell. You can eat it on your way home. Honestly it was better than the sex. And I don't even like Taco Bell that much."
Nobody_Wins_13
I hate Taco Bell. And since reading this... I hate people.
Mrs. Robinson?
Seduce Dustin Hoffman GIF by Top 100 Movie Quotes of All TimeGiphy"She lit a cigarette, then looked at me for like 20 seconds, and said 'Well, bye.' I just got dressed and left. Never saw her again."
Rhalellan
And you are?
"While dozing off, he gently tapped my shoulder, and said: 'Maribel, you can’t stay here.'"
"My name is not Maribel."
tikkichik21
"See this is what happens when you don’t let people talk about Bruno."
Brendanlendan
Go
"He got off me and started looking at pictures of other women on Instagram, and commenting on how much more attractive they were than me and told me 'oh yeah you can go now.' We were best friends for like two years up until that moment."
Caramel_Cappucino
"I’m open minded but this is exactly why I often don’t trust male friendships. You could even be a lesbian and one moment of vulnerability they may take advantage of that. I know it’s unrelated but your experience made me upset and I’m sorry you had to go through that."
L8NiGHTFLiGHT
second time...
"He rolled over, grabbed his phone, and without even looking at me said 'find your clothes, you know where the door is' and just laid there on his phone ignoring me while I gathered my clothes and left. He tried texting me a few days later because he was drunk and horny so I told him 'you know where your hand is' and blocked him."
olivinemultichrome
Gross
Paris Hilton Reaction GIFGiphy"We were good friends for a few years before hooking up after a night of drinking."
"Halfway through sex he told me he can't actually do this because he wanted to get back with his ex and can't mess it up because she's the hottest girl he'll ever be with. He lived in the middle of nowhere and I couldn't leave until the morning so he made me sleep on the couch."
barontayto
POOF
"A girl I was FWBs with rolled over while still naked, farted in my direction, and told me to lock the front door on my way out."
gil_beard
"She blew you away."
"He was gone with the wind."
waitingfordeathhbu
Hold Me
"Asked me to stay and cuddle her until she falls asleep then leave because she didn't want me sleeping there, it was like 3 am."
chunk1X
"So this is what you do. Go ahead and cuddle her to sleep… then as you’re leaving as she asked you to, flip on the lights so you can see to get dressed and make sure you grab all your stuff and be loud as hell lol."
blonderaider21
Knock Knock
"Her kids started banging on the door and I hid in the closet until it was clear to go."
PeanutWingz
"One time I was canoodling with a young lady and was interrupted by a commotion in the other room. We look up and see her baby daddy standing in the doorway looking a bit miffed."
"Dude broke in through the kids bedroom window, tripped over the crib (baby was at grandma's thankfully) and walked in on us. It was POWERFULLY awkward. I got dressed with a full mast while being yelled at by a guy that looked like Justin Beiber if he was a juggalo. Thankfully no violence occurred, but man... what a night. I left my hat, too."
roachezmo
Enough.
Leaving Go Home GIF by VH1Giphy"5am at a random girls house I met at the club and we’re hooking up and I try to talk a little dirty and I go 'tell me what you want and it’s yours' and she goes “I want you to finish because I’m done and I’m tired.'"
Espo_92TTV
Excuse Me
"I was putting my heels back on and held out my hand for a little support because balance sucks… They go what do you want money?"
alt0bs
Hah, someone stuck their hand out at me with that 'give me money' gesture once after sex. I asked if she wanted money, and she said 'no you dip s**t, a high five.' In my defense, it was a strange way to offer a high five."
ecish
Nowhere
"'I'm sorry, but you'll have to catch a bus or something 'cause I've got work in the morning, so I can't drop you off.' The distance from the bar to her place was about 45 minutes. We went in her car. She told me this at about one in the morning, basically in the middle of freaking nowhere. Longest walk home ever, for very meh sex."
BagOfMeats
What & What?
"He was at my house, so he was the one leaving. 5 minutes of sex, he finished. I thought he was going to finish me next... nope. He gets up, starts putting his clothes on, and says (after a yawn), 'Well, I don't mean to skeet and yeet, but I better get home" Excuse me."
sadthiccy
On the Way
Just Do It Running GIF by RockyGiphy"Hey, can you be dressed and ready to go in like 5 minutes? My fiancé's plane already landed and I was supposed to pick him up half an hour ago.' Then she asked me which route was the fastest to get to the airport. This was more than 10 years ago and I still feel bad for that poor guy."
Stink_Fish_Pot
’yes, please’
"Met a girl on Tinder and we hit it off after speaking for 3 weeks or so. Went on a few dates and I really liked her. Think it was the 3rd date, I spent the night at hers and we had sex for the first time. It had been 3 or 4 month since I last had sex, and I really fancied this girl, so naturally I finished in about .3 of a second. Pretty embarrassing."
"I stayed the night but ended up waking up early, like 6 or 7am and looked over and saw her wide awake, with that look of ‘what have I done’ on her face. It felt really awkward so I just said ‘Do you want me to leave?’…’yes, please’ she said, instantly. I awkwardly got dressed, said goodbye and drove home, miserable, thinking I’d blown it."
"She phoned me later that day wondering when we were seeing each other next. Turns out she had been desperate for a shit and was scared to go with me there, so made me leave at 6am. We’ve been together 3 and half years now, engaged, and planning on getting married soon."
JHmackem
Wow. Some people are truly disgusting. How do you treat other humans this way?
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.