Who doesn't love a first date?
The anticipation. The hopes and dreams. The romance.
Even those first-date butterflies are fun.
You're hoping this could be the one.
Or maybe this will just be a lot of fun.
Then you sit down with one another and they open their mouth and BOOM... dating disaster.
Life is ruined. Or maybe you were saved.
Redditor MiloMilkOnDrugs wanted to hear about the conversations that can ruin a romantic time, so they asked:
"What's the worst thing someone can say on a first date?"
Having worked as a waiter as long as I did, I can't tell the things I've overheard without fainting.
I'll just say... sometimes it's okay to stay single.
Promises
Players Association Sport GIF by NBPA
Giphy
“'I need you to promise not to tell my wife.'"
FriendNegative6013
Honk Off
"My cousin (F) went on a first date where in the middle of the conversation, her date reached over and squeezed her breast and said 'Honk.'"
"She said 'What on earth do you think you're doing?'"
He said 'I've had quite a lot of success with that move.'"
"There was no second date. My cousin was the girl. I realized from a comment it was ambiguous."
blu3teeth
Circa 2005
"My mother was freshly divorced and we signed her up on a dating website (circa 2005) Helped her take pictures etc..."
"She met this guy online real smart, seems to have his sh*t together, independent, etc..."
"They set a date at a local restaurant they park side by side."
"The moment she greets him he says: WOW I love those big boobs I can't wait to taste them!"
"She 180° stepped back in her Mazda 3 and f**ked the right off this parking lot lol."
mageakeem
Safety First
"Does anyone know you're here?"
Baby-hazell
"It's a safety thing. Sometimes, people let others know where they'll be before meeting a stranger for a date. However for him to ask can be seen as a little creepy like he would be planning to do something to them and would need to know that info so he can figure out how long she'll be gone before the police are called. If that makes sense."
Hachiko75
Previously...
canadian what GIF by CBC
Giphy
"I was on a date once, the woman apologized before looking a bit rough because she had just had sex before coming."
REDDIT
What happened to putting your best foot forward?
My goodness, it's not that hard to at least run a brush through your hair.
Mirror Mirror
"'My ex looks way better than you.'"
Academic_Ingenuity84
"What a coincidence. My ex looks way better than you."
"Maybe they can get together and leave us ugly fools to mope about it together."
LurkerOrHydralisk
Oh Baby
"After pulling her chair out for her, you pet her head then rub her belly saying 'I’m gonna put a baby in here.'"
BuffaloInCahoots
"Ha, can you imagine, being a proper gentleman and then ending with a head pat and belly rub?"
phillmybuttons
"I once had a guy tell me on the first date he wanted to have at least six children. I heard later from his sister he married a woman who was already pregnant with someone else's kid, and he had her pregnant again within the year."
ashoka_akira
Family Dynamics
"'You remind me of my mom.' Bonus points if there is this weird attraction component to it."
Kiunan5
"My partner went on a date with a young woman shortly before we met, he said she repeatedly compared him to her father ('my dad drinks scotch', 'my dad is also bald,' etc). He said no amount of attraction could save the date after that."
Digital_Punk
"Oh God, I'm guilty of this one. It wasn't a date. but I told that to a woman I tried bedding later on. Honestly, she didn't look like my mom i was just shooting my shots at trying to keep her around."
Bobtheguardian22
Be Serious
Shouting The Goldbergs GIF by ABC Network
Giphy
"I went to a nice French bistro in the Bay Area, there was a table right behind me and the friend dining. The guy literally said to the girl 'I am the alpha of this relationship.' (in a serious manner). Me and buddy sort of looked at each other while the girl literally burst out laughing, grabbed her bag, and then walked out of the restaurant."
295DVRKSS
It feels like some men have no one to bounce conversation ideas off of.
Or do they really believe what they say?
Curious to hear from smartphone users who crawled into a hole and never again wanted to see the light of day, Redditor TylerDuuurden asked:
"What's the most embarrassing/cringy thing you've accidentally shown someone, or something they accidentally saw while using your phone or computer?"
It goes without saying that accidentally seeing NSFW content was a frequent example from Redditors.
What The Internet Specialist Saw
"Oh god."
"My internet was down. Had to have the Bell Aliant guy come to fix it. When it was fixed he asked me to just check it was working properly, so I refreshed a tab and it instantly opened the porn I was watching before the internet died."
"As a 21 year old woman that was the most horrifically embarrassing moment of my life."
"He then said 'Is there anything else you need?'"
"And I became worried I was living in the plot to the world's most cliché porn."
– DreyaNova
Sounds Like Pleasure
"During college my girlfriend worked night shifts so I would sometimes crash at her place that way I’d be there when she got off in the mornings. one night her roommates had a few people over to drink and I, being alone, decided to crank one out. Spent about 3-5 mins watching some.. material wondering why the audio wouldn’t work on my phone. Then I hear an eruption of laughter from the kitchen (it was a small apartment). Turns out I was the last one that connected to the bluetooth speaker they were using and was blasting my porn audio to an apartment full of people. I have never been so embarrassed in my life and I laid there for what felt like an eternity afterwards listening to them all die laughing."
– thabender
Viewing History
"Not me, but a friend of mine was living with his dad, and they only had one computer in the house (this was 15+ years ago). My friend was showing his dad how to do something on the computer and they opened up Windows media player. Somehow it started playing the last video watched... which was a lesbian porn video that my friend had been watching."
– DeathSpiral321
The Enlightenment
"I was helping a man download a Bible app onto his phone. I had to go into his browser to search something for him, and it was all porn. About 50 tabs open, each showing what term he'd put into Google, and the search terms were the kind that a 10 year old would use."
"I finished getting him the app and attempted to peace out, although not before having to tactfully decline giving him my phone number."
– LittleBitOdd
These will remind you to double-check who you're sending what to.
Wrong Recipient
"My fiancé was sending me some sexy nudes on Snapchat one day. She had a bit too much to drink by this time. I got all of them, but so so did one of her sisters and a few she accidentally posted to her story. Luckily one of her female friends saw it and told her so she could delete them before anyone else saw them. Her sister snapped her back a thumbs up that said Didn’t want to see that, but hey nice vag! Lol. She was incredibly embarrassed naturally and it took a while before I got saucy pics again."
– Dis4Wurk
The Other Dynamite
"My mother was once trying to show my friend a picture of John Heder (Napoleon Dynamite) she got while at a panel of his. There were my dad's dick pics instead O_o"
– Tokiw4
Monitor Your Photo Album
"I was kind of on the flipside of this when my uncle was going through pictures of my baby cousin on his phone and swiped too far to show me a picture of my auntie standing completely naked in a doorway. The image is still burned into my mind..."
– jamiedunne420
A Swipe Too Far
"A friend was showing us his holliday pictures and accidentally swiped too far and showed us all a selfie of his a**hole then one of his balls when he tried to fix it."
– bfgjuju123
Private Portfolio
"My partner showed his friends some pictures from a vacation years ago and he scrolled too far back and he accidentally showed them my nudes. I was 5ft away and died."
– osmosisaturn
Zune Session
"Had the minister of my church at my house. He wanted to upload music from his laptop onto my Zune (tells you when this was). He turns it on and the Zune immediately displays a topless picture of my fianceé, a girl he's known since birth having been best friends with her parents. He just clears his throat and says, 'I didn't see that.' The rest of my time with him that day was incredibly awkward but he never brought it back up again. edit: To clear up any confusion the picture was on my Zune that I had taken. The pastor knew nothing about it prior to seeing it."
– gil_beard
The Crush Code
"In college I had a crush on a guy whose name was 4 letters. I set it as my phone passcode. When I was home for break, my brother took my phone and started teasing me about liking this guy, then he tried to unlock my phone using his name as the passcode. It worked."
– cunninglinguist32557
Busted
"Older man caught me looking at boobs on my phone during a bus ride home. I quickly scrolled up, realizing that I was in public. He leaned over and said 'hey, we can share.' Got off three stops before my own."
– gyratepirate
Now would be a good time to go through your photos on your phone.
The only guarantee that anyone would not inadvertently see your naughty nudes or screenshotted NSFW pics from the internet would be to either erase them from your devices or back them up to the cloud.
But if you need easy access to your erotic visuals, then whatever ends up happening is all on you.
Who knew trying to be discreet would be such a chore in the 2020s?
Redditor chickenoodlesoupp wanted to hear about some of the times we've been asked something that left us a bit uneasy.
So they asked:
"What’s the most uncomfortable question you can ask someone?"
I've been asked so many stupid things I can't even begin to remember.
Siblings
Parks And Recreation Nbc GIF by HULUGiphy"Do you have a sister by chance?"
umpalumpamonkey
"This is made worse if the asking person is male and the receiving person is female and both are single."
BlandJars
Hold Me
"Where’s my hug?"
Lalalalanay
"Lol this gives me some flashbacks. After work on a Friday I was saying goodbye to ones of my friends and a gave her a hug. Here comes Brett 'Hey, where's my hug?' So I give him the biggest bear hug, the kind that traps their arms at their sides, and picked him up off the ground."
"There's your hug Brett. My friend said he didn't ask much after that, but you bet your b*lls I'd tell Brett 'Hey Brett, I got your hug right here buddy' with outstretched arms. He would give me an uncomfortable look like ew gross. Yeah Brett, that's how you are making everyone feel."
myusernamebarelyfits
Findings
"Hey, can we have a talk about your search history?"
SumoSamurottorSSPBCC
"For my generation that is 'Can we have a talk about what I found under your bed?'"
"I'm an adult now tho so I leave porn mags on the coffee table. Nothing funnier than watching a guest look through the magazines in your living room while you serve coffee only to find a Hustlers in the middle of the pile and not know what to say as you sit and stare at them."
P00PY-PANTS
Don't Ask
"Why don't you have any children? I was a chronic miscarryier. My son is a super duper miracle."
kcooper1214
"Came here to say the same thing. I have one child, during the labor they both were very close to dying. The doc said if she gets pregnant again she will lose the child and possible die in the process."
"I ended up getting a vasectomy very shortly after. We’re incredibly grateful and happy with our little family; but without fail, we always get the same question: 'So when you getting a little brother or sister?' I don’t mind as much when people ask me or my wife, but ask my son? Why?"
Danfu777
Ouch
Will Smith Reaction GIF by Red Table TalkGiphy“How come I wasn’t invited?”
Real_sg4bomb
"I was once invited to a party... at the end of which the hostess asked me 'How do you keep finding out about these?'"
"That freaking stung. Never talked to them again."
Well, that is just a step above cruel.
Teeth Getting Up GIF by Paddington BearSpeak!
"'Why are you so quiet?'"
spamcritic
"This makes my blood boil. I’m a fairly quiet person in social settings and have received this question a few times. It makes you AND the people around you feel awkward. Like... let people be quiet if they want to be. Not everyone is a social butterfly!"
justaregularderp
Loathing
"Why does everyone hate you so much?"
"I hate this one so much. I lived in a small town so everybody knew everybody. High school was rough, I didn't know how to stick up for myself and soon became the scape goat for bullies and rumors."
"Once our Sr. Year people matured a little and started being nicer to me. I made a lot of friends suddenly and all of them would ask 'Why does everybody hate you, you're not like they say.' It was awkward because most of those people were the ones contributing to the rumors/bullying."
PlanBaccount0987
Shots
"If you come in the back office with me right now, just you and me, are you gonna be cool about it, or be a snitch? Asked by my old boss at a grocery store, he just was offering me shots of fireball because it was almost closing time on New Years Eve, but that phrasing."
pdxblazer
"White male privilege here, but that wouldn't make me uncomfortable at all. Like, I'm game, if we get back there and it is something super sketch, I'll just dip out."
TeleKenetek
Let's Chat
Scrolling Michelle Obama GIF by ObamaGiphy"Hey we need to talk. This is the worst, especially over text."
SubnautGames
"My boss texted me the other day, 'Call me.' My blood turned to ice. Of course it ended up being some inconsequential thing he had a question about."
coffeeordeath85
Sometimes silence is best.
Do you have similar things to add? Let us know in the comments below.
Reddit user rsideoson asked:
"What is a word that sounds inappropriate?"
Don't worry, Reddit is absolutely no more mature than we are and we all deserve a childish giggle every now and then.
Throat Thingy
"Uvula (dangly bit in your throat)"
- prettysouthernchick
"Ooohhh, so it's a girl house"
- Lusty_Argonian_Man
" 'All god's children got a uvula!'."
- theoldroadhog
"In Swedish it is called gomspene whick translates to pallet teet."
- nemeras
"That little dangly thing that’s hanging in the back of their throat?"
- Admirable-Door1724
Snl Season 47 GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphyA What Hole ?
"Manhole"
- NightOnFuckMountain
"Our city has had several instances of exploding manholes in the downtown area. My friends never let an opportunity to make such comments pass them by. (And I love them for it!)"
- Needspoons
"Played some drawing game once where you'd draw the word u get by the game and others would try guess it...my friend got that word and drew a .. manhole..like.. a literal manhole not the actual one, and that was when i learned that word lol"
- chaexhun
Chew Works Too
"Masticate"
- HoopOnPoop
"Especially at the dinner table.."
- BassWingerC-137
"Those mukbangers masticate all over the place"
- imccompany
"This is the winner."
- the_pointy
"Do you oppose public mastication?"
- Cy41995
Hot Dog Eating GIF by NBAGiphyLets Just Not Use It Anymore
"This is not a fun or funny example, but, 'niggardly'."
"Etymologically, it has absolutely nothing to do with that other word. They have totally different origins, and sound/look similar purely as a matter of coincidence."
"But it's just not worth the explanation when "stingy" or 'miserly" work just as well, so it's basically a dead word."
- rejectednocomments
"Even the Reverend Jesse Jackson defended the use of this word."
"Also, TIL he's still alive."
- AtTheLeftThere
"I remember being a preteen and stepdad using this word. I was horrified. He was mildly racist so I wasn’t too surprised but we were in public. 'Dad!!!! There’s a black woman right there!!!'."
"He explained what it meant but I sure never ever used that word."
- baxbooch
"Yeah this word is gone forever. There is no way of tossing that out in casual conversation ever again, and even if you did you'd have to spend a good few minutes defending what you meant and looking it up to prove it."
- coombuyah26
Playing Around With Speed
"Fartlek."
"It's a running term and as a grown man I still giggle when I hear it."
- PreppyFinanceNerd
"Wait is that how it’s spelled? I always thought it was Fartlick lol"
- Hydra57
"You guys use that? It's Norwegian, meaning speed game."
- Cheetah_Hungry
"Fartlek’s were misery in high school XC. Always just called it a fart lick"
- silverhammer96
Safari Park Running GIF by San Diego ZooGiphyFortunella Sounds Fancier
"Kumquat"
- blaketyner
"You rang?"
- Sour_Kumquat
"Got banned from a forum for calling someone a kumquat. No regrets."
- eclecticsed
"The restaurant I worked at had a kumquat margarita and for a good 2 weeks the menu accidentally had cumquat, but each time the manager tried to fix it they’d accidentally print the wrong on again and there’d be too many copies to just throw out."
- silverhammer96
"That's a good one"
- TheKalebPerkins
The 'L' Is Important
"Caulk"
- HiakaiSiempre
"This may only be true in American English...in other accents it's much less suggestive"
- Tel-aran-rhiod
"Hehe caulk"
- MrsFlubberbuns96
"Don't wanna wait forever for that caulk to harden"
- Brilliant_Succotash1
"I used to work for a construction company doing purchasing and apparently in the winter caulk gets cold and refuses to work so you need to put your caulk in a caulk warmer"
- nmw6
"My brother insists on over enunciating the L so it sounds like. Cow-LK"
- jawshoeaw
homer simpson GIFGiphyYou Sure About This One?
"Jiggers, also known as the chigoe flea. Similarly, chiggers, also known as berry bugs."
- ArmoredArmadillo05
"Jigger is also the little double-ended cup bartenders use for measuring alcohol for cocktails."
- PromptCritical725
"I was looking for these two."
- kazeespada
" 'Jigger' is used every day by Australian surveyors. It’s what we call our theodolites or Total Stations. Short for thingamajigger perhaps. If my mate’s jigger wasn’t cooperating, he’d say 'jigger please'.”
- rawker86
"What’s my motherf*cking name?"
- GeezRick
So Many Botanical Puns
"Clematis"
- bl0ckplane
"One summer day at a barbecue at my mum in laws, she walked outside and announced “wait til you see the size of the flower on my clematis” I snort inhaled my wine"
- Hatchetface1705
"I think they can cure that with a penicillin shot/s"
- 51225
"Another botanical word that makes me giggle:"
"Peonies"
- RunningFromSatan
"Scabiosa. Or, as the Brits would say, scabious."
- Tacoma__Crow
This Is Another One We Should Maybe Not Use
"Negus. It means a hot drink of port, sugar, lemon, and spices, and it's a royal title."
- JustPlay94_cryer
"Can you use it in a sentence?"
- YubNub81
"Doesn't it also refer to an Ethiopian king?"
- Dbwasson
"Negan in Roman times."
" 'I am Negus! Thou shalt provide me with copious produce!'."
- imjb87
You heard (and laughed at) Reddits appropriately inappropriate words, now it's your turn to get in on the fun.
I have been left, fainted on the floor with some of the things I've head people say. It can be funny, but still cruel.
Ouch
Shannyn Sossamon Cringe GIFGiphy"Your brother is only nice to you because he's not threatened by you or your partner. If you were successful and she were pretty, he wouldn't be nice to either of you. - Mom"
quietguy_6565
Death
"My mom died of cancer when I was 2. When I was roughly 6, my older siblings told me that my mom and I were playing in the front yard and I kicked a ball into the road and when she went to get it she got hit by a garbage truck and that’s how she died. I didn’t find out the truth til a few years later. Odd that I have 0 relationship with my family now."
mattburkephoto
“absorbed”
"I had a miscarriage where the baby was 'absorbed' and all that was left in the uterus was the gestational sac. I got pregnant again and when I told my neighbor she said, 'So are you actually pregnant this time?' Yes, a**hole. I am pregnant this time and I was actually pregnant last time. Unfortunately I just said yes and went in the house."
ohyesiam1234
Bad Parents
"It hurt a lot when my mom would get drunk and cry to me that she wishes I had passed away instead of my father. It hurt a lot more when she said it offhandedly and sober though. I'm okay now, but I was only seven. I didn't deserve that crap."
berripluscream
"You didn't deserve it. I'm sorry you had to live through this. Parents are supported to protect you, but they can also hurt you the most. Wish you all the best!"
Ancient_Bear_8069
Lucky You
How-To Beauty GIF by SephoraGiphy“'People don’t take me seriously because I’m pretty. You’re so lucky not to have that problem.'"
DJFlorez
Some people need a punch in the face.
Deep Hate
Wizard Of Oz Comedy GIFGiphy"My ex-wife, 'Everyone hates you, they can't stand being around you.' Never could figure out why she said that. 30 years later, I'm still friends with the people that supposedly hated me."
donhouseright
"You look like a fat leek"
"My nan's sister, at our first meeting, said to 14 year old me: 'You look like a fat leek' (but in Dutch). I was flabbergasted. Fun fact. When she died a couple of years ago, during the funeral, her daughter gave a speech and told a LOT of secrets about how her mum was a total b**ch and narcissist , abused her and made her life a living hell. The whole church was in shock and they sort of canceled the funeral due to all the consternation."
Dondersteen
See the Art
“'I can’t wait for you to be blind, your art gets better and better.'”
"I am SEVERELY visually impaired, losing my vision to a degenerative disease. I am an artist. I paint and create work with themes sometimes relevant to my vision loss. Someone I knew said this to me, in front of a group of people at dinner 2 years ago. I was 32 at the time."
whatdoyoumeanitsfake
I think I was 11?
"I had a dentist say that I 'needed to work on that for when I had a boyfriend' when I was gagging during whatever the hell he was doing. I think I was 11? I did not understand it at all until I was much older and saw like the second episode of Glee where a gag reflex comment is made, I asked my mum about it and she explained and I was like 'ohhh... Ohhh is that why (dentist) said this?' She was not thrilled that I'd waited so long to tell her."
CopperTodd17
Damn Girl
"Middle of a grocery store. I’m 18 or 19. A man 50+ years old walks up to me, puts his arm around my shoulders, stares down at my breasts, and says, 'Damn, girl, can you see your feet?'"
Aruaz821
Some people really need an electric shock collar as a sensor.