“'Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience'.” What's your best real life example of this?"
They Literally Won't be "Shut Down"
"When I tell people to just reboot your computer and it will fix all their problems and yet they won't because they said if you wait long enough it will shut down, when in reality it only goes to sleep."
"Then when I tell them they have to completely shut it down they look at me like I'm an idiot and say they did."
"I tell them it seems like it but it only went to sleep."
"They argue back."- niallaa
Some People Just Don't Get It...
"I used to argue a lot with my sister when we were kids."
"She would do this thing where she would say something, and then I would reference back to it literally a minute or two later to prove a point and she would say 'I never said that' or 'that’s not what I said'."
"Absolutely impossible to argue with someone who will just deny having said things that could hurt their argument."
"Also, trying to change the course of an argument if they feel like they are 'losing'."
"A coworker once called me an idiot for doing something 'incorrectly' when I was actually doing it the right way."
"When I politely explained to them that the way they suggested doing the task didn’t actually work, they started asking 'why are you getting so angry?? I was just trying to help' etc."
"So now we’re arguing about whether I’m angry or not instead of the right way to complete the task."- themightypianocat
Facts Are Facts...
"Arguing is pointless if you do not agree on a set of facts."- niallaa
Facts GIF by Judge JerryGiphyYou Can't Have It Both Ways...
"For a short while, I worked as a line cook at a Cracker Barrel, and there was a little saloon style door that led to the staff section (kitchen, bathroom, etc)."
"There was a staff only sign on the door, above the doors, and on the wall behind the doors at eye level."
"Usually if someone from the customer side comes in, they said, 'Coming in' before opening the door, so they didn't hit anyone, but of course customers didn't know that."
"So when this dude opened the door and hit a waitress carrying a ton of drinks, we were reasonably upset with him."
"He said, ;You should really put a sign up'."
"We showed him all the signs, and he goes, 'That seems a bit excessive'."- GreyFoxHound1
So Wrong.
"Had an employee sign an NDA about an upcoming art installation that had investors."
"He told everyone."
"He argued with me the NDA only meant he couldn’t disclose anything with the people in the company."- BosskHogg
He Knew What He Was Talking About
This was best said:
“'Never wrestle with pigs'."
"'You both get dirty and the pig likes it'.― George Bernard Shaw"- Zerowantuthri·
pigs GIFGiphySome Outdated Inventions Are Definitely Not Missed...
"I’m showing my age here but I used to work for an estate agency, and we had sales offices set up at the site of large new housing developments."
"Our primary method of communication was fax."
"One of the sales associates telephoned our office to say that the fax machine had run out of paper."
"No problem, I said, one of the guys is coming your way later for a house tour, I’ll give him a box of paper to give to you."
"We then had an almost 20 minute long argument when they kept insisting 'NO, YOU JUST SEND ME A BLANK FAX BECAUSE I NEED THE PAPER, IT WILL JUST COME OUT OF MY FAX MACHINE'.”
"It was like trying to nail jelly to a tree."
"Difficult, irritating, and it achieved nothing."- BettieKat
Very Few Hills Are Worth Dying On...
"I had a friend in university who was a world-class high school debater."
"Over meals, she liked to pick a ridiculous proposition and then talk circles around people until they had to concede to her point, no matter how absurd."
"When she tried it with me, I just stonewalled her."
"Met every point with a solid 'I don't think that's true'." or 'That doesn't make sense'."
"Eventually she gave up and never tried it with me again."
"It was the only time I've ever used the tactics of the stupid to win an argument."
"But, to be fair, if you're not arguing with me in good faith, I feel no obligation to respond in good faith."- kitskill
IS The Customer Always Right?...
"Working retail."
"Especially when I worked in the tech shop or a computer store."
" Trying to convince someone their $500 laptop is never going to be a gaming system no matter how many of the very few replaceable parts we throw at it can be exhausting."- MOS95B
happy episode 7 GIFGiphyEducation Only Matters If You Learned Something....
"Was arguing with this dude about something math-related."
"He didn’t know how to read a study that involved statistics. claimed he was in multiple AP math classes."
"Tried saying that I 'probably don’t even know basic integration'."
"Gave me a common integration problem."
"He wrote it but forgot the minus sign, making it unsolvable."
"I pointed it out and he edited the comment to make it correct."
"Told him that some people can see when you edit comments."
"He claimed that he just capitalized a letter. on and on and on."- SaturdayNightCity
Good Legal Counsel Might Be Worth The Splurge...
"I asked a representative from the Friend of the Court to explain something she said and she told me that I understood what she was saying."
"I replied that I wouldn't have asked her to explain if I had understood."
"She said if I was going to be difficult, she would hold me in contempt."
"My X chimed in that she didn't quite understand what she had said and was greeted with a smile and an explanation."
"From that point on I always disagreed with the Friend of the Court on EVERYTHING, so that I could be seen by the 'Actual Court' and a Judge."- PURPLEPEE
Season 4 Episode 21 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphySore Winners Are No More Attractive Than Sore Losers...
"Once worked with a guy who, by his own admission, got his rocks off by picking fights."
"He'd start an argument over the smallest thing."
"If you said it was white, he'd say it was black, just to try to start something."
"The one that always stood out for me was the weather app competition."
"One day he asked me what temperature it was, so I read it off my weather app."
"He got all offended, because his weather app said it was a couple degrees warmer."
"So he decides we're going to have a weather app competition."
"He was going to chart what our apps said the temperature was, and at the end of the week, whichever one was closest to that day's high would be the winner."
"And the loser would have to start using the winner's app."
"To which I said, "What is your f*cking problem?'"
"So, yeah."
"For the first few days, he'd make a big performance about marching into my office, recording the temperature off my app, jotting down some notes, and walking off."
"This started on a Monday."
"He gave up after Wednesday."
"Either because I was winning, or he was disappointed because, despite his best efforts, I just did not give a f*ck about weather apps."
"Or maybe the boss told him to stop because I filed a complaint that this was bordering on harassment."- originalchaosinabox
Im Always Right GIF by ZionGiphyIt should perhaps be said calling someone an idiot, or even thinking it, is not a particularly nice thing to do.
Even so, if you're tempted to do so when you're in the presence of a particular individual, probably best not to provoke them.
After all, if you're so determined to "win," does it really make you any better than them?
I have a scar above my lip. It's a straight line to my nose. I got very lucky because it runs along the lip line I was born with so you can't really see it. But I know it's there. How did I get it? Read on...
Sliced
music video loop GIFGiphy"I cut myself on a butchers blade, then wiped the blade on my pants, cutting my leg."
Blades
"When I was 6 I thought it would be a good idea to punch a hole in a piece of paper with a pair of scissors while my other hand was holding the paper directly on the other side."
- TK82
"Done a similar thing, stabbed an empty water bottle to test the sharpness of the knife and underestimated the knife. At least I found out how sharp the knife is."
The Mark
"Kid me was pretending to be a cat running on all fours, I rammed my head into the dishwasher. Forehead scar."
"Similar story. I shut my eyes thinking I was invincible when I did that. As a precautionary measure, put pillows on floor in case I fall down. Slipped on the pillow banged my head on the door knob. Harry potter scar but the alphabet O."
- neekyboi
Swingin'
"One time as a kid I tied a toy triceratops to a string and I was swinging it around above my head. Somebody came into the room and distracted me and that thing flew head first into the side of my head. It was under my hair but if I go bald I might have a weird three pronged scar."
"I took a cupboard door clean off its hinges while running on all fours chasing my dog. My pride hurt more than my face."
Getting Crooked
Jimmy Fallon Pain GIF by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy FallonGiphy"I sat on my hair straightener 😐."
- cohmfies
"I also have one of these on my leg from kneeling on straighteners. Sitting on them though, ouch!"
- weestace
I decided I could fly. I was eight. It was a dark, rainy New York afternoon. I was in my mother's room. I jumped up on her bed using a long, satin sheet as my cape...
Cut Off
Ninja Lol GIF by Justin GammonGiphy"I nearly took off my ring finger when I used a stiletto to remove a bandage from my hand. Had to put it right back on. lol"
Don't buy cheap...
"Does anyone remember those bracelets that you slapped on your arm and it coiled on your wrist? And remember how some schools banned them because "tHeY aRe DaNGeRoUs, kIdS WiLl gEt HuRt"? And how most people thought it was an exaggeration and no one was stupid enough to get hurt with them? Well I'm one of those stupid kids. I have a long scar through my inner forearm that looks just like if I tried to commit suicide, all thanks to that cheap bracelet."
the scar to prove it...
"My mom dropped me on my head as a baby. Well less dropped and more slipped on ice where I went flying and landed on a gravel driveway, splitting my few months old head wide open. While it's faded over the years, I've had a large scar at the center of my forehead essentially my whole life. Oh and it's kinda in the shape of a lightning bolt so I'll give you one guess as to how my childhood changed after the first Harry Potter book."
"Other downsides include my Mom's persistent guilt that I wish I could take away, and that one time I had a CT scan and they saw what looked like a mass and I essentially counted the minutes until my next appointment a day later, thinking I was dying. Turns out I have a scar on my brain too. But on the upside it makes for a great conversation ice breaker and when people ask if I was dropped on my head as child, I can proudly proclaim "Yes, and I have the scar to prove it!"
On Break
"Was playing handball with a bunch of my friends at school one day during lunch break, when somebody knocked the ball far away and it began rolling downhill. The layout of that area of the school was such that if something started rolling downhill, it was possible for it to go a loooooong way down several sets of stairs and walkways before it stopped, so ideally you'd want to stop it as early as possible."
"I began to run after the ball hoping to catch it before it rolled too far, but as I was running, I got a bit off-balance and began to lean forward. So to compensate, I tried running faster and faster to counteract this. Unfortunately it reached the point of no return where I was at a full sprint and was still in the process of falling further forward, so I pretty much had to just accept my fate by this point - I fell over and hit the concrete at pretty much a full sprint. Lost quite a bit of skin from my elbow, and there's still a small bit of scarring there about 15 years later."
Smored
Camp Fire Smores GIF by Sherilyn CarterGiphy"Not me but my brother. Managed to get a scar by accidentally hitting a s'more on his cheek when trying to eat it."
It's all dumb to me!
"I was sitting with my legs crossed with my knee under the frame of a very old, wooden waterbed. I lifted my knee and a screw pierced the skin and ripped open a gash three inches long. I sneezed while shaving. I scratched my chicken pox. A metal door closed on the back of my heel slicing off a quarter inch of flesh. I'm clumsy, I don't know which one ranks higher, but they're all pretty dumb."
I flung myself onto the bed thinking I could be airborne, and for a moment I was. I landed on the corner of a small portable radio my mom loved. (Very eighties) And now because I wanted to be the wind, I'm blemished for life. Oh well.
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I've been in hiring positions several times over the course of my life. The first thing that always stood out, was overkill. I don't need to know about your childhood pets and kindergarten classes. Who can agree?
Schemes
Awkward Season 2 GIF by The OfficeGiphy"When their job title says "entrepreneur" and their description just screams pyramid scheme."
BECAUSE HE LISTED THE BAR ON HIS RESUME...
"So not a recruiter, but I was helping my then manager go over resumes. We googled one dude, and the first thing that pops up is an article about someone getting tried for manslaughter or homicide for selling bad (hard drugs contaminated with something) drugs at the bar he worked at as a bartender, complete with extensive interviews from coworkers saying they were pretty sure he'd sold contaminated drugs purposely. And we know it was the same dude, BECAUSE HE LISTED THE BAR ON HIS RESUME."
"big daddy"
"A very unprofessional email is definitely one. You see some insane emails. I knew someone who got an email address that had "big daddy" in it. For anyone who needs a professional email address, personally I find any combination of your first, middle, last names, initials, and birthdate are all acceptable. In fact any numbers but 420, 69, etc. And 123 is fine."
Recognition
"We saw a guy apply for a masters degree internship in a scientific lab saying on the last page of his resume that he had invented the seventh law of magnetism or something like that followed by a nonsense description of what it was. The rest of the resume was absolutely fine, and we reminded ourselves that it is always crucial to read a resume to the end before making any decision. And a piece of advice for anyone who applies somewhere and think they have an unrecognized discovery worth a Nobel prize: have it recognized before you put it on your resume."
Smile!
Crazy Eyes Smile GIF by CBeebies HQGiphy"Depending on the job, when they include all their social media accounts and a headshot."
- ryanzbt
It's like people are drunk or high when they throw these resumes together and they're still blitzed when they send their CV's along. Big Daddy? I mean really? And enough with the glamour shots, you're not cute.
Marked Up
Cat Ok GIF by Bu2maGiphy"When my partner was a manager he once received a resume with a watermark tiger as the background. How he didn't hire them on the spot, I'll never know."
"shoelacing diploma"
"My father-in-law was once involved in a hiring process and saw a resume he threw out very quickly. Not only was it chronological instead of antichronological (not a red flag per se, but not very practical either). The first (and oldest) achievement the applicant put on it was her "shoelacing diploma." Yes, the thing we get in kindergarten when you have learned to tie your shoes. According to the applicant, it proved that she was a go-getter. To him, it proved that she lacked common sense."
People Share The Most Selfless Thing They've Ever Secretly Done | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
to detail as 5/5...
"Not in HR but I was recruiting nurses a few months back and had one resume that had a cover page with a large (approx A5 equiv) centred photo. I'm not fond of these in healthcare resumes. Then on the first page of the resume was a scale where she ranked herself out of 5."
"She rated her communication and attention to detail as 5/5 but her teamwork as 2/5. I didn't like the scoring and even worse I didn't like the low teamwork score where she applied for a ward nursing job. To top it off it was riddled with grammatical, spelling and presentation errors. Clearly attention to detail wasn't a 5/5."
Pimp69...
"I used to run training program, and we had about 4000 applicants for 200 positions each year. Bad grammar and spelling automatically got a resume thrown out, because the job required so much writing. Also, get the name of the agency correct! I had one applicant, who claimed she was a PhD candidate, talk about the Health and Human Cervixes. WTF? Inappropriate email. One guy had something like Pimp69 for his email. He listed a website of his, and it had a rear nude. Dude. Just what?"
Backlog...
Book Typography GIFGiphy"I once had someone hand in a resume with 6 whole pages of job history, each one described with a paragraph of detail about the skills she'd learned and what the role involved. There must have 20 jobs on there? At least. She had also put the dates she started and left each job.... the longest was four months face palm."
"google architect"
"As someone who went through the ringers in the architecture field and now part of the hiring process. My advice is to keep resumes to one page. We really don't have time to go through two pages of awards and merits. And portfolios that are above 10 pages really are not necessary."
"We have gotten 30-40 page portfolios that are incomplete and look ugly. I rather see 5-10 good pages and a solid one page resumes. It automatically signals fluff to us, especially when the portfolio lacks substance. Through my career I have always done 1 page resume, 2 page portfolios, and letters of recommendation."
"Then on my resume or in emails I give a link to my full portfolio, and full website about my merits. Also as of lately this whole "google architect" is real. For example , we have seen a latest trend in work not being original. Almost blatant copies."
- omnigear
TMI
"Was recruiting a while back for a couple of positions in my company. Got one cv that was 18 pages long detailing in minute detail everything this guy had done at previous jobs. Another included a 75 page portfolio. Suffice to say neither got an interview. One of the guys that got the job brought a short portfolio of a few pages with plenty of pictures to the interview. Far more appropriate."
Pants on Fire
"Had to check a few resumes for our vacant position. My biggest problem is lying:
- Candidate says they have a lot of experience with a certain technology, but when asked, doesn't know anything.
- Dates of employment or education don't match up. Had a guy claiming he had 4 jobs at the same time.
- Experience doesn't add up: don't claim you have 10 years of experience with a framework created 5 years ago." - DrDonut21
Words
"Not HR, but recruited many times. Poor grammar and spelling. No relevant experience. Inconsistent fonts and layout. Too long. A well worded resume should convey enough in two pages to elicit an interview."
Short Stints
"Having a 4 month stint on your resume only once is fine as long as you're up front about it. I worked at a company for a short period of time but left because the CEO was a psycho who created a toxic atmosphere. I called a recruiter who told me to leave it on my resume and be up front about it if I was asked. I'm at a brilliant company now but it's up to the people hiring to understand that sometimes jobs don't work out, which is okay."
Shredder
"One of my first Reddit arguments was with someone who said you should show up to a business you're interested in working at and hand deliver your resume. I worked front desk reception at the time, and I said that would only result in me putting your resume through the shredder, that we have very specific ways we hire for jobs and if you can't follow those basic directions, you're definitely not going to be hired. He said if that's how companies felt and they didn't give him the respect he deserves, he wouldn't want to work for that company anyway. 🤷♀️"
For the Company
"This is why my company doesn't use HR for hiring. H.R. doesn't work with the employees, the managers do. H.R. will weed out perfect applicants over the silliest things and give preference to people for things totally unrelated to the job. Our managers get the resumes and applications and they choose who to interview."
"HR then conducts background checks and verifications. Their decisions can be over-ruled by upper management. When our company started using an HR staff to do all the hiring, we ran into a horrible staffing shortage and what new hires we did get were unworkable."
"The company's profits dropped and long reliable employees quit because of the bureaucracy that an HR office created. The owner fired half the HR staff and limited the remaining HR staff to compliance issues and payroll paperwork. Our managers do all the recruiting and hiring. Employees are happy and the company is thriving again."
- Brazo33
No Notice
"I left a law enforcement job with no notice due to my supervisor breaking a court order and doing something illegal. I tried to notify his superiors but nobody cared. Finding a new job in the same field has proven challenging, other agencies don't seem to care about why I left, only that I left a job after 8.5 years with no notice."
Poor Fido
What Is It Reaction GIF by Nebraska Humane SocietyGiphy"Saw this once work experience- dog walking Reason for leaving - the dog died."
A Good Laugh
"A guy I knew some 20 years ago sent in a job application on paper he had previously used for another purpose. The company wrote back to say "while we applaud your commitment to the environment, we suggest you do not in future use recycled paper for this purpose" which was considerate of them. I laughed at him."
How to piece together a resume. How to properly and simply apply for work. These should be classes in elementary school. Good luck people.
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Life Lesson #1... NEVER GIVE YOUR MONEY TO STRANGERS WITHOUT PROOF OF PURCHASE!!!
People, never just blindly shell out coin. I learned that the hard way. Thankfully I learned early. Damn Columbia House.
A Gift
give me christmas GIF by TargetGiphy"I had a visa gift card for $100 I got for my birthday, and wanted to check the balance after a few purchases online. I look up "check visa gift card balance" and clicked on the first thing i saw."
Room for Rent
"I put a room up for rent once. Someone applied and said they would be moving in at the first of the month. They said they were military and switching bases. This person said they were going to go ahead and ship their car out and fly in. The car arrived and was offloaded by truck. A few days later the car was gone. The person never arrived. A month or so later the police knocked and asked about the car."
"Ended up being that the car was stolen by whoever this person was that shipped it and the person who picked it up was a buyer who thought it was legit. Apparently he had a set of keys mailed to him and a fake title. Idk if it ever got sorted but they initially assumed that I was a part of it."
$20
"At the start of college one year when everyone was moving into houses in the usual sh*tty but affordable part of a college town, a guy walked up to us and said he can get us free HBO, he'd just take $20, he knew a guy. We're like cool, he takes out his cell phone, walks a few steps away out of earshot, says check our TV, we go, and lo and behold, HBO! We give him $20 and he walks away. A week later, it was gone. The dude just called HBO for some free trial week. He must have hit up every college kid moving in that day and made bank."
The Best 'Actually, You're Speaking To The Boss' Experience | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Cousins
"Ohhh boy, I still cringe about that. Back in the late 90s, early 00s when chatrooms were popular, I met this guy there and we ended up chatting pretty much daily. He had an unusual name for the region, that should have been the first clue. We chatted and sent letters to each other (by actual post)... tried to meet up with him so many times, but he always had something come up. One night on new year's eve when we were supposed to meet finally, HIS COUSIN shows up and said yea he'll come soon, he told me to wait here with you."
"Pretended to call him several times to ask where he was, an hour or so later I just went back home and never talked to the guy again. Turned out the "cousin" was the guy I was chatting with and he had made a deal with another guy to see how long I would believe all this. I can't believe I fell for it. Keep in mind I was 16 something back then."
Live and in Color
Happy The Simpsons GIFGiphy"In the late 50s or early 60s, some guy came into my grandpas shop selling color TVs out of the back of a truck."
"The family had never had a color tv, and the price was way less than what a store charged, so he bought one. He excitedly brought it home, plugged it in and turned it on. Black and White. He played with the knobs and antenna, nothing. No color. The guy took a bunch of old black and white TVs, slapped a rainbow sticker on them, and sold them as color. Brilliant."
I've never trusted gift cards. If you love me, give me cash. And I have seen way too many movies and read too many stories about crazy renters. Buy, flip and sell. It's a much saner purchase.
Travel Fail
Passport Northside GIF by AMA LOUGiphy"A website faked itself as official passport department I filled the forms for passport update there made payment and all and in the end realized... It was fake. Never got the money back!"
Ruined
"I traded this guy my Full Rune armor because he said he could trim it for me."
"I met a dude in the game while chilling at the GE and we talked for awhile. Became friends, did bossing and stuff together. Then after like a year plus of chilling and stuff he asked for money for a bond. I gave him 100m just to be nice and he called me a loser, blocked me and logged out."
I'm Dumb
"Not exactly elaborate but this girl in my fifth grade class brought soy sauce in a coke bottle once. Then she proceeded to "share" it with me and I being the dumb butt that I was straight up open the bottle and chugged it down before even smelling it. That was a bad day."
The Grift
"I don't know if it's necessarily the most elaborate scam of all time, but there are a range of fake sites online that offer ESTA visa for entry into the US. The funny thing about the sites is that they actually process your visa, but they just do it by sending your details to the official site and charging you a hundred dollars or so of idiot tax. I got caught a few years back and I wasn't even really mad. It was such an amazingly set-up grift, and what made it even better was that you really had no recourse because they were actually giving you what you paid for."
Beware y'all.
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I've had to stop watching CNN because they keep slipping in comments by Marjorie Taylor Greene and I'm sorry but that woman, I am stunned, STUNNED by what she says.
Oh Birdy!
Steve Carrell Thumbs Up GIF by PeacockTVGiphy"Watching an old movie and a bird comes on the screen. 'I didn't think birds were invented back then.' Literally the dumbest thing I've ever heard and not sure it will ever be topped."
- fatleon5
Colors...
"When I was a little kid my older sister told me color didn't exist until Wizard of Oz came out and that's why everything before then is in black and white. I was so confused about how everyone was able to start seeing color. Then Pleasantville came out and I love that movie so much because it brought to life a question I had pondered for years."
And H40?
"College level chemistry. Legit asked in front of everyone what H20 was. Teacher laughed a bit until she saw his embarrassment."
"H20 is a kinda okay Halloween movie that was considered canon for a while. Was made 20 years after the original and had Jamie Lee Curtis back playing Laurie Strode using a different name."
It was Me...
"I'll fess up. Once I was searching for a word to describe a length of time and I finally gave up and said 'a half a fortnight'."
"If I get a free reward anytime in the next 12th of a year I think I might give it to one of the commenters on this. Laughing for a solid 50,000 milliseconds is nice."
For Queen...
english olympics GIFGiphy"England shouldn't play in Euro 2020. They're not in Europe." Wow, just wow."
It's Pepper...
Very Funny Reaction GIFGiphy"Is this saltwater?" We were at the beach. Swimming in the ocean."
I can't stomach it...
"Omg I have been waiting for this question. My boyfriend who, in general is a smart man with common sense. But today he told me humans have 2 stomaches. Apparently, in his mind, the small intestine is 1 stomach and the colon is another. We even had a disagreement about it. So if you are reading this my beautiful idiot I posted your shame bahahaha..."
A 12 Inch
"Way back, I stopped at a Togo's to get a 12-inch sandwich to split with my wife. Asked for half without olives (I don't like them). The young blonde sandwich maker: "Do you want half with olives or half without?" Uhhh... that's the same..."
"I could see why they might be clarifying tho. The general public, especially in fast food or retail, can be stupid. Sort of a "just to make sure I heard you right so you won't yell at me later" kinda moment."
High Temps
water cooking GIF by South Park Giphy"Cold water boils faster than hot water" - Former roommate."
In Space
"A woman once asked me if Mars could be classed as a country."
"What 😂? Ah yes, we have so many countries with diverse cultures on our planet. Romania, Scotland, Canada and Mars are the first ones to come to mind."
Can we send some of these people to Mars? Earth is really stressing me out. And humans, well I give up on y'all. Please keep reading people, and not about Kardashians, read about science, and philosophy, etc.
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