Redditor take_me_there_ asked:
"What WOULD you wish on your worst enemy?"
This One Would Hurt
"A conscience. Let her realize the horrific things she’s done."
- Jenny010137
"Seriously. Introspection, self awareness, and empathy are traits that would improve a lot of sh*tty people."
- el_muerte17
"Oh I wish I had thought of this one. If my enemy had a conscience, wow life would be much different."
- Shelbysouth43
No Pearly Whites For You
"I’d like all their teeth to turn really yellow and stay yellow no matter what they do."
- toothfixingfiend
"What did I ever do to you?"
- Spideredd
"I don't even know you! Give me back my enamel!"
- AngryMustache9
Everything You Own Is Orange Now
Snl Cheetos GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy"Permanent Cheeto fingers. Just orange cheese dust getting on everything."
- cocoapuff1721
"This has to be one of the most evil things I ever heard, yet absolutely hilarious."
-Merk0411
"The Midas Touch: Snack Edition"
- MaryVenetia
Ouch, But Forever
"Stubbing and breaking their toe and right as it’s about to be done healing it happens again over and over for the rest of their pitiful time on this hell we call earth."
- No-Bee-2971
"Sisyphoot"
- Alpha_6
"More of a Toemetheus imo"
- PykeTheDrowned
Self Reflection
"For them to realize how big of an a-hole they are."
- mayhemanaged
"Same for me. The trouble is mine probably knows what a tremendous a-hole he is, and just doesn't care (it's what defines him, is his outlook more than likely), so, give mine a conscience as well, he undeniably lacks one."
- RhoadsOfRock
"a crushing moment of self realization is something that can destroy you mentally. I wish that on them."
- chancetodream
Bury Them Under A Mountain Of Minor Inconveniences
"Always being hungry two hours after eating no matter how large the meal. Slow internet. Traffic jams no matter the location. Self doubt. Allergies. Favorite shows spoiled."
"Nothing major enough to be life altering but constant, low grade inconveniences that wear on your soul every day."
- I_Love_Small_Br**sts
"Every bite of food they eat/drink they drink being slightly the wrong temperature."
"Coffee? Warm but not hot. Cola? Cool, but not cold. Muffin? Ever so slightly frozen."
"Not enough to ruin their life, but just enough to not quite have full enjoyment of anything.."
- HappiHappiHappi
They'll Never Be Able To Use Their Computer Again
"Quick scan with McAfee on their computer."
- halflife_3
"You f**king monster."
- Orion_2kTC
"The constant pop-ups from McAfee is too far."
- _Land_Rover_Series_3
That's A New Level Of Evil
"Bed bugs."
- thrawn1825
"Currently dealing with bed bugs, and I can absolutely confirm this is the kind of thing I would wish upon my worst enemy. It is miserable and painful, and I've tried everything to get rid of them at this point."
"I would easily wish this upon my worst enemy, x10."
- ArbitrarilyStagnant
"Oh hell no, you went there... Hopefully they aren't living in an apartment complex or you've cursed everyone in the building."
- expect_less
Well of course I know him. He’s me.
Animated GIFGiphy"$100,000. I sure could use it."
- Sparklesperson
"'It’s no surprise to me I am my own worst enemy'"
- FishyVonFishenHymer
"Lol I thought this was that deep sh*t like 'pray for those you resent to have all the things you want in life….' Then I realized."
- No-Chipmunk9527
Forever Constipated
the powerpuff girls bubbles GIFGiphy"That they can never have a satisfying poop. They always feel like they have to go to the bathroom and when they do nothing comes."
- [User Deleted]
"Wow. That's evil. Always feeling the need to pee would be good (as in horrific) too."
- ipakookapi
We definitely don't recommend implementing any of these plans (not that most would actually be possible), but here's some new ideas for the next time you're stuck in a meeting with your most annoying coworker and need a little fantastical escape.
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Redditor Eli-Aurelius asked:
"You are the new ruler of Hell, what are your orders?"
Take Attendance
"Well first things first—let’s get a count of who’s here and see what we’re working with."
- Alternative-Shake-16
Psych!
"Install a bunch of fake thermostats marked air conditioning."
"That are not connected to anything."
- wilburstiltskin
GiphyReading Is Fundamental
"Punishments are no longer eternal, but can still last centuries to millennia."
"You get four days deducted for every book you read and write a report on."
"Every book ever written is available..."
"...but printed in 10.5 comic sans and aligned page right."
"Hey, it's still Hell."
- AdvocateSaint
GiphyParty All The Time
"Burning for eternity seems a bit much."
"Let’s just get rid of that and have a good time."
- Timmy_McPitchforks
"When you read Dantes inferno, the first circle seems like the place to be.
"It's all the intellectuals and artists that either lived before Christianity or just typical non-believers that did nothing else wrong in life."
- emsthrowawaytriph
GiphyNuke It
"No more torture, no more burning, etc..."
"The catch is, you can only eat perfectly cooked microwaveable meals for the rest of eternity, with the exception of the center."
"That, my children, is still frozen."
- CilliamBlinton
GiphyEarworms
"Rebecca Black's 'Friday' is to be played 24/7 effective immediately."
- LargeSnorlax
"Worst of all, it's turned off on Fridays."
- Neuromangoman
"Friday's are for 'Baby Shark'."
- kuriboharmy
GiphyA Master Plan
"Firstly, let's liven things up. I mean, red is cool and rage-inducing, but c'mon... No other colours? Bit bland."
"Mix in some copper or potassium into the flames, get some cool colours like emerald green and lilac. That way we got a bit more variety!"
"Next, music. Everyone has different preferences, so we'll sort it per region of hell. One area will have some spicy jazz and/or swing, one will have comedic classical, we've got to have one area that is entirely musical-numbers."
"I mean, don't get me wrong, I know hell is a place for punishment and things (I'll get to that in a moment), but I want to reward some people who have come down here for wrongful yet understandable reasons."
"Also, ruling alone is gonna be difficult as hell, not to mention boring with boring paperwork. Let's get some staff down in this business."
"Hire some top-tier sinners to keep security around the place, get some tax-frauds to finalize any paperwork, and I'll pick a close person to be my second in command."
"Obviously any rulings will go through me, and anyone who tries to deceive me will find themselves begging as I throw them into the deepest pit of hell, but at least some of the boring work is out of my way."
"Now, reputation. I want to seem approachable, but also strong. None of this 'Raaagh I'm evil and scary' bullsh*t. You first come down here? I'm gonna welcome ya, ask ya how you are, what's been happening."
"Find out you were a piece of sh*t? No worries, got just the place for you slime! Find out you were vengeful but reasonable? Understandable mah dude, here let me take you over yonder."
"I'm a business man, here, ruling hell, you gotta make friends and enemies. You try and abuse my friendship? That's when I publicly humiliate and scar you, reveal you to your darkest fears and allow my mates who help run the place laugh in your misery—you know what, not just me mates."
"Let's put it live for everyone to see, record the whole thing. Finally with a classic volt of shock and banishment, I'll feed whatever's left of you to the hell hounds."
"Bones still there? Nice, you can become part of my foot-stool. Keeps the threat alive, but also shows that I can be generous if my generosity is respected."
"Okay, so obviously we need sections. I can't make everyone boil alive nowadays—some people are into that."
"So we talked about those that I could appreciate and keep around in hell for fun, but what about the Karens? The Hitlers? The Putins (more recently)? Well I've got some nice philosophy about reaping what you sow, so let's play an Uno reverse card on them."
"You want to bully staff and give psychological (and sometimes physical) torment to them? Let's see how you feel. Oh? You want to see the manager? I am the manager, and this is perfectly fine in my books."
"Now, some of this might not always work, which is why I'll always keep my fear-pit open, and hey! My foot-stool could always use a little more bones!"
"But what about décor? Well of course we got to have décor!"
"Add some lights to the entrance, put up signs for each place, give the land a bit more spice! Pits and spikes are so 2000, we're in 2022 now! Don't get me wrong, we'll keep some of the pits and spikes, but what about some cultural stuff?"
"Get some axes, some flamethrowers for style, fireworks that go off in your face. Archery made a comeback, I heard, so how about we put flying arrows around the place? In the areas for less-respected people, we'll make it unpredictable as well!"
"Traps are awesome, but so is paranoia! When will it activate? When will you be stabbed up? Don't know, but it can happen any moment!"
"There we go, a revitalised Hell. Now to sit in my throne of muscles and kick my feet back on some smoothened bones. Anyone fancy a tour?"
- KEBABFISH
GiphySo let your imagination run wild.
What would you do as the new leader in Hell?
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This is difficult. The Devil is one of my ALL TIME FAVS!! So many have done him well.
True Evil
hannibal lecter smile GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphy"Anthony Hopkins."
SuvenPan
"Hopkins just does evil so beautifully."
bortbort8
Peter
"Peter Stormare."
JacobPlaster
"Other than knowing him from Armageddon and Constantine I felt I never saw as much of him as I should. Amazing as the creepy freaking doctor in Until Dawn."
"But hands down his performance as Chance Gilbert in Longmire is my favorite. He was just downright unsettling to the bone. I felt like he was almost acting through the screen because it really was unsettling like I was uncomfortable."
PretendThisIsMyName
The Best Men
"Also Morgan Freeman."
fluffymuffcakes
"I’d like to see Morgan Freeman as God juxtaposed with Denzel as the Devil."
overmonk
"Or Samuel L Jackson as people confuse him w/ Morgan Freeman all the time. And he'd be a fantastic Devil."
TwiceOnThursdays
He's the Best
"Christoph Waltz."
1ndomitablespirit
"Seriously. This man managed play the most evil character in a movie that included HITLER."
mrtyman
"But he was so insanely good at it that I think part of you actually ends up liking him in some f**ked up way?"
"Like I know he's literally a nazi colonel and is incredibly evil for most of the movie (either because he's wholly evil, or smart enough to know that he needs to pretend) but he's so cunning and smooth that I feel like most people kind of weirdly end up liking him in a love to hate him way."
Furaskjoldr
Alex
sexy true blood GIFGiphy"Alexander Skarsgård."
iluvvivapuffs
"I think Bill Skarsgard could really nail playing Satan, especially if you wanted a more Lestat-type Satan."
No_External6156
So far I am very happy. Nice taste people...
So Good
Mads Mikkelsen Oops GIF by James Bond 007Giphy"Mads Milkkelsen."
FattyFattyMcFatPants
"Oh Lord... you're right."
WrenchEagle07
I Love Her
"Tilda Swinton."
PaulinLA23
"This was my very first thought too. There are a lot of different depictions of the devil - alien and aloof, angry and monstrous, coy and tempting, etc."
"And I feel like Swinton has played villainous roles that touch on most of them, many blending different aspects together or even dramatically switching between them as part of the role. There are other actors I can imagine who could better embody one particular 'kind' of devil, but Swinton is the only one I can think of that feels like she could be basically all of them."
M0dusPwnens
The Manipulator
"Charles Dance."
puckit
"Charles Dance was perfect in Game of Thrones. I was hanging on every word he delivered on screen. This is a great choice."
mattbakerrr
"No one does manipulative, powerful, clever villains like Dance. Great pick."
Dodo0708
Scar
"Jeremy Irons."
TheTrinhsanity
"Scar took care of that for me. Don't think he can ever top that performance."
Strong_Comedian_3578
"Would anybody be prepared for that epic performance?"
Pablo_Eskabear
The Charmer
Red Carpet Oscars GIF by The Academy AwardsGiphy"I think Sam Rockwell would be a charming devil, and that’s the most entertaining kind."
f**ktheroses
"100%. The devil needs to be charming and unapologetically sleazy. Rockwell would nail it."
maverick1ba
ANYTHING
"Gary Oldman. He can play anything."
DogsInCapes
"Gary Oldman is, OBJECTIVELY, the greatest actor ever. He has my vote."
Fannie-Bandit
"He could play both God and the devil in the same movie, but I wouldn’t realize that either one was him until halfway through."
tragedyfish
Legend
"Tim Curry."
Knick_Knick
"This was way too far down. There is little that scares me in the way of movies and characters etc. Tim Curry in Legend still scares me."
Puzzlepetticoat
"I want Tim Curry to live forever."
therealrowanatkinson
A Rarity
"Tom Waits."
True-Towel-7234
"According to Mr. Waits, there isn’t no devil. There’s just God when he’s drunk."
JamesJax
"His acting career is very small and deliberate. I love his performances in Dr. Parnasus, Mystery Men, and Dracula even though I don't like Dracula as a film (personal opinion, not meant as a slight on the film)."
waltjrimmer
"Came here to say the same. The devil is not just pure evil, he’s also a clever trickster. Tom Waits absolutely was a believable devil all the way."
throwitofftheboat
The Boys
Jack Nicholson Sunglasses GIF by Pop TVGiphy"He's a bit too old by now but I think the perfect person for the job would be Jack Nicholson. Alternatively, I think Javier Bardem or Jeffrey Dean Morgan would also do the job well."
Minister_of_Joy
More Human
"Mark Pellegrino, the actor that portrays him in supernatural, always thought he was a perfect representation of how the devil would interact with modern humans, also played Jacob in lost, similar vibes."
Brian_Gay
"Surprised it took me this long to find this answer. I’d definitely agree that he feels like a better representation of how Lucifer would act around humans than some of the other suggestions."
rexspook
Tom.
"Tom Ellis."
kraliyetkoyunu
"He portrays a very different devil compared to the other mentions. Less the menacing and evil aspect and much more the temptation 'just do whatever you want' aspect. Not someone who deliberately wants to turn people from god for the sake of it but just someone who has a fundamentally different idea of how things should be."
Kempeth
Shallow
"Hugh Laurie. As House he was the most likeable self centered manipulative ass hole you could find. Who did so much good but only to prove he was tight or make someone else look bad. What better Satan than one who is liked, does good and saves in the name of petty vindictive shallow pride to turn mankind."
co_snarf
The Good Guy
Burning Tom Hanks GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphy"Tom Hanks, what can’t he do?"
saulsa_
"He would be an amazingly creepy devil. Kindly, avuncular, but still menacing. Like Max Von Sydow in Needful Things."
Tastewell
Obvious
"Loved Ray Wise as the devil in Reaper. This is why no single actor should play the devil, we have had far too many wonderful versions."
FreedTMG
"Came here for Ray Wise! He was excellent as the devil."
IwoketheBalrog
The Best
"Peter Stormare."
JacobPlaster
"Other than knowing him from Armageddon and Constantine I felt I never saw as much of him as I should. Amazing as the creepy f**king doctor in Until Dawn. But hands down his performance as Chance Gilbert in Longmire is my favorite. He was just downright unsettling to the bone. I felt like he was almost acting through the screen because it really was unsettling like I was uncomfortable."
PretendThisIsMyName
"Also played Abrutzi on prison break."
Wolf_and_the_yakuza
Laid Back
Danny Trejo Action GIF by SalitosGiphy"Danny Trejo."
bemest
"Maybe as a laid back Satan that makes tacos and offers life advice. Not an evil Satan more of a Hades, just a guy who does his job well and goes home to his wife and three headed dog."
Camp_Express
I am here for everyone on this list. And please add Cate Blanchett!! And Queen Viola Davis!
