We all know that one person who can't seem to grasp social protocol or one that perhaps just chooses not to. In this article, these often ended in after-the-fact laughter although at the moment no one exactly found it funny. Some of the worst this writer has seen are the pastor presiding being unwilling to say to the family of the deceased would make it to heaven cause they swore and didn't attend church and an uncle looking at one of the grandkids during a beloved grandmothers funeral and the only words he spoke were to his 20+ year old niece commenting on her tattoo by asking *during the wake* "why would you do that to your body!?"...you know, because that is the appropriate time.
Wanting to hear the worst things people have experienced at a funeral Redditor UniqueCreativeName asked the online community:
"What's the worst thing you heard or said at a funeral?"
Good try though...
“'Don't worry, you'll be with him soon' - my sister to my grandma at my grandad's funeral. My grandma was crying, me and my family aren't openly emotional people so I still give her credit for trying.” amievenrealrightnow
TMI Grandpa...
“My grandma died before my grandpa. Since my grandpa was a navy veteran (WWII and Pearl Harbor survivor), he got a free plot in a military cemetery. At this cemetery, they stack married couples one on top of the other.”
“So, we are at the cemetery, and they are lowering my grandma down, and my grandpa asks, ‘so, if I had died first, they would have put me in first and put her on top of me?’”
“The cemetery worker said, ‘yep.’ My grandpa responded, ‘huh. We never tried it that way before.’” macbubs
Some good ol’ Team America.
“Aunt passed away, wasnt really close with her. She was part of a church in upper state New York somewhere and a bunch of older folks I never saw before showed up (like 50 people over the age of 65). Me and my younger brother are sitting towards the back listening to one of the guys tell stories to everyone about her when he gets to a part that I will never forget.”
“He tells a story about how after she was placed in an old folks home she ‘escaped’ and they couldnt find her for like 2 hours. They called the police and finally found her riding around in a golf cart at the local country club that was like 2 miles down the road from the old folks home.”
“As he is telling this story and everyone is having a nice laugh he says "I wish she would send us a sign letting us know how much she loved us"...suddenly my younger brothers phone goes off. The song it was set to? ‘America F**k Ya’ but the part where it just starts singing ‘AMERRRRRICA, F**K YA!’”
“The entire church looks at us and as I am trying to hold back my laughs my little brother says ‘Its a sign from Aunt Francese, she says thank you’. I was laughing so hard that I had to excuse myself from the room.” Gromby
Freedom Intensifies GIFGiphyClassy...
“My aunt talking about the foursome she was planning with another couple at the gravesite of my grandpa. My uncle went mental, probably the first time I've ever agreed with him."
“edit: No, sorry, not planning to do it on his gravesite, just discussing it on the funeral as we were waiting for the hearse." nyises
*stunned silence*
“‘My father was married 4 times. I believe the two that he honestly loved the most were the first, my mother, and the last, his widow.’ Said by my uncle with all ex 3 wives in the audience.” skoolboyjew
“...the entire funeral party was looking on in horror.”
“My aunt died. Her husband has Asperger's and didn't really know how to cope with social situations; that was always her job. She chose to be cremated and have her ashes incorporated into a reef ball.”
“So at the funeral I asked my uncle how long the reef ball would be around and after a few conversational rabbit holes we ended up talking about the percentage of my aunt that was in the atmosphere vs. the percentage that ended up in the reef ball (because of the cremation process).”
“My uncle and I didn't realize this was weird, until my mom tapped me on the shoulder and we realized the entire funeral party was looking on in horror. My uncle is chill though, we still talk. My aunt didn't have a lot of money and regretted that she couldn't leave me anything, so after his business started doing better a few years later he bought me my first car in her honor.” Zouea
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Oh noooo...
“My father's phone ringing during the middle of a eulogy. His ring tone is the stabby music from psycho. I was sitting right next to him doing the best I could to sink through the pew I was sitting in.” techniforus
Embarrassed Mikey Day GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphyNew meaning for dad jokes...
“Didn't know my Dad's family. At the cemetery they're all off by themselves while we wait for the hearse with the ashes to show up. I walk over and say, ‘It's now 1:05. My father is late for his own funeral.’ No one said anything. They just moved slowly away.” bigtimejohnny
Way to crash a funeral...
“I couldn't make my grandmothers funeral but my brother told me this one. My cousin, who is like 15 at the time, gets up and makes a beautiful eulogy about grandma that couldn't be any sweeter. My estranged aunt had come to the funeral and in the middle of the eulogy of this 15 year old girl she loudly says, "am I in the right place? She surely isn't talking about my mom". It didn't go over .” Dirtybux
While many these responses were hilarious its best to try and be as respectful as possible of the dead.
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I remember the first funeral I went to where people didn't hold back. And I was shook. I mean I get it, you hated that person, by why bother sharing the craziness now? You should've just punched them in the face when you had a chance.
Lies!
i see you no GIF by Shalita GrantGiphy"Everyone stood up and spoke about how much they missed him and what a great man, friend, and leader he had been. His daughter stood up to speak last and said: "I don't know who you people are talking about because my father was nothing like that to me my whole life."
Why bother?
"There was no funeral for him. His sisters wanted one in the "it's the right thing to do" sort of way, but the rest of the family (his mother included) were in camp "why bother?"
"A lot was said, as this was the man who had abused my grandparents for drug money for years, stole from family members (including the birthday money of small children - I taught the younger cousins how to hide their holiday cash from him), faked cancer on multiple occasions to gain sympathy (and more money), and broke down my grandma's front door when she didn't want to deal with him while my grandpa was dying in their house."
"There were two that stand out:"
"Oh, he actually did die of cancer? About time."
"And the real ice cold one, from his mother:"
"It's for the best."
Good Riddance
"When my grandmothers brother-in-law passed away my grandmother asked me to be a pall bearer since they were having a hard time finding anyone that would agree to do it. During the funeral nobody other than family showed up and when the minister asked if anyone wanted to say anything about the deceased there were several people that shouted out things like 'good riddance.' He had been a man that was widely hated by the community as well as his family. He spent his entire life swindling anyone, including members of his own family, out of everything that he could."
John Doe
"I have an 1910 local newspaper obituary for my grandfathers brother (my great uncle), who died when my grandfather was 12. It reads.... "JOHN DOE died walking on Goose Gap Road with friends Saturday night when he fell on a knife. He was well-known as a wicked and godless boy, who brought shame to his family, but his parents are good, faithful church-going people and our sympathies are with them."
Oh My!
Fanning Heat Wave GIF by Harlem GlobetrottersGiphy"My very Christian grandmother who is in the beginning stages of dementia talked about how great my grandfather was in bed at his funeral. It was actually kind of sweet, but the timing wasn't great and I don't know how much her children wanted to hear about it right then."
Oh my... now that is a ton of mess. It makes you think, what are my so called "loved ones" thinking about me right now? I always have some shade to throw, but I like to see live reactions of the landings.
Not You
Oh God Reaction GIFGiphy"After Grandma's service we were discussing where to go for lunch when Gramps tells cousin (10) You stay here with the stiff, we'll pick you up later."
- sisnomor
What the hell Brian?!?
"My friend's father passed away a few years ago and a buddy of ours shows up out of the blue. We haven't seen this guy in a long time. We would send him texts, call him, send Facebook messages but he never responds. So anyway he shows up at the funeral and our friend says, "What the hell Brian?!? My father has to die for you to hang out!?!?"
- bjh182
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The Mistress
"My biological father's long-time mistress spent her time during the eulogy talking about:
- All the profound emotions she felt when they were making love, and how she knew from that he was the one (Her children, from a man she divorced to be with my father, were sitting right in front of her.)
- While on his deathbed, he woke up one of his last times and used his time to scold her "bitterly" for reading a magazine while he lay dying. She considered it a lighthearted and endearing moment.
- While recounting his legacy she got almost every single detail of his professional life wrong, and pointed me out as hopefully walking in my fathers steps (knowing I hated him)."
"The only other person to talk was the priest. My father was narcissistic, a psychopath, and a bad person in ways that aren't mentioned in pleasant conversation. All he cared about in life was power and glory at any and everyone else's expense, and he was buried at the funniest and most undignified funeral I have ever seen. It was almost therapeutic, 10/10."
"A great friend of mine died a couple years ago. He was known for his amazing sense of humor and the sound of his laugh. When his wife asked me to speak at his funeral, I started thinking about how--if he were alive and we were going to someone else's funeral, he'd figure out how to have fun."
"So I played a game and opened it up to his friends, challenging them to give me a word I had to work into the eulogy. In the end I came up with the word myself; as soon as I thought of it, I knew he would have used it. The word was "ejaculation." I won the challenge."
God Who?
jesus GIFGiphy"During his sermon at the funeral, the preacher said that he "thought it odd that the deceased insisted on having a church funeral, given that records and personal testimony indicated that he had never stepped foot in church during his lifetime."
Burn
"Complaining about the length of the service he said, "f**k me, 2 hrs to bury a set of teeth because that's all that was left after the fire. I was embarrassed but so did I. He was an ex SAS trooper so tended towards plain speaking. Ironically the deceased was not a friend of mine (he didn't know) so I'd been very careful not to say anything negative."
"Bill was a very flawed man..."
"At my Father's wake 20 years ago the man married to my Godmother gave a speech. He started with "Bill was a very flawed man..." and went on to badmouth my Dad for 5 minutes. This from the smarmy alcoholic a**hat that hit on me at a bar 2 years later and was universally regarded as a fool."
"We are ALL flawed, but my Dad was one of the greatest men and best Fathers I have ever met (aside from my husband). The funeral was standing room only and full of people whose lives were touched by my Dad's kindness and ability to make people laugh. I wanted to punch my Godmother's husband in his face that day."
Bad Timeline
Sorry Not Sorry School GIFGiphy"At my Grandma's funeral, I admitted to a cousin that I often forgot she was still alive. I had started referring to her in the past tense years before."
He was Ours!
"Well, being dead doesn't make him any less of an a**hole." It was said by me, about a good friend, and it was met with a lot of laughter because we all knew it was true. He was our a**hole if you know what I mean."
"I feel thats what my friends are going to say about me , and I'm proud to be their a**hole. After all , one of them said , you are friends with us because we are the only ones to put up with your bullcrap and dark humour :P"
- Vitaly17
Hey Michael
"Ooh, the boss gave a very Michael Scott-like eulogy. First, he asked for moment of silence, then talked through it. But the cringiest moment was saying how much the deceased cared for his ex-wife and daughter. "I see how much child support comes out of every one of his paychecks, and he never complained about that."
You do this for a living?
priest GIFGiphy"Went to a funeral where the catholic priest got the deceased name wrong, the dead guy's SIL's name wrong, and then told everyone refreshments were available at the back of the church, they weren't."
Heaven's Mess
"We can always hope our understanding of heaven is wrong", priest, speaking about a deceased friend who was an atheist but his parents insisted on a church funeral. He said it repeatedly and in different ways, implying that it was a shame he was going to burn in hell."
Gimme my Money!!
"He still owed me $14."
"I said that about my buddy that passed away. He owed me like $5 and I was joking to my friend that it's just like him to die on me so he didn't have to pay it back. Fast forward a couple days and I find random piles of change all adding to about $5. It's funny because that's exactly how he woulda paid me back."
It's Obvious!
"Not me, but my father went to the funeral of a man he knew while growing up. The preacher said he could tell by looking down on the deceased in the casket that he had went to hell. Then proceeded to preach a sermon about how it was necessary to live a morally upright life so that the people present didn't go to hell like the deceased man had."
Greedy
Halloween GIF by Pop-TartsGiphy"The officiant at my boyfriend's grandmother's funeral just a few months ago said that the deceased was good at getting free desserts from wait staff, which the family interpreted as him saying she was greedy and conniving."
Funerals really are a hotbed of drama and hilarity. That is when everyone has nothing craps left to give. And it shows us, all people are not good and need to go. Just truth!
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However, there are certain behaviors that are inappropriate at a funeral.
Redditor Bankrupt-R-Us asked,
"What is the worst thing you've ever seen someone do at a funeral?"
The people of Reddit had some interesting things to share – including an incident involving a gun-toting nun, and an angry grandson unleashing his vengeance over the deceased with an act of vandalism.
Read on to find out more about some absurd and inappropriate things that have happened during a funeral service.
The aftermath of death in the family caused the following drama.
Open Forum
"The gentleman had a large family and all of his siblings got up and made it all about themselves, dredged up old family drama, made it clear that they resented his wife, etc. It was so painfully awkward."
Too Much For A Son To Take
"I had a fit of hysterical laugh at my father's funeral just about the time people started to gather at the mortuary."
"In my defense, my mother had a nervous breakdown (my father died 4 days after we found out he had lung cancer), there was a lot of sh**ty stuff surrounding the funeral organization, my mom just flipped, my siblings were 15 and lost so I was at 23 left to handle it all."
"I kinda lost it."
So, Here's A Question
"At my father's funeral, one of my aunts asked my mom when would she get out of the house."
Grief Competition
"My nan told my dad at his own father's funeral that her pain was much greater because she had lost a husband, while he had only lost his dad. As if grief is a competition."
"She is a sh**ty person anyway, and not even blood related to us so we just kinda don't associate anymore."
– lanidvah
There are just some acts that are totally unnecessary when the grief is already enough.
Bedroom Legacy
"Her ex told us about all the great things she did in bed and what a loss for mankind that is. In present of her boyfriend."
Seizing An Opportunity
"He handed out his business cards at his stepdaughter's funeral. There was very nearly a fistfight!"
Act Of Vandalism
"My uncle was pissed about something in my grandmother's Will. So during the funeral, he went out to the parking lot and keyed everyone's car. It should be noted, he has severe brain injury from a motorcycle accident that causes him to be constantly angry and paranoid. Still..."
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Angry Debt Collector
"My brother in law is a mortician. Boy does he have stories...."
"One of the best- A guy disguised himself as a nun, shows up at the funeral, pulls a gun from under his habit and tries to shoot the deceased's son. Luckily the gun malfunctioned and didn't fire. The son then decks the nun and knocks him out, kicks him in the head a few times, and is pulled off by other family. Police are called, yada yada yada... turns out the deceased owed the nun quite a lot of money and the son had refused to honor the debt."
– 02K30C1
Go Fund Me – I Mean – HER
"My grandpa died. His son (my uncle) went around asking for money to give to his now widowed mother. He collected around $500 USD worth of donations from family, friends etc. he pocketed it, and my grandma didn't receive sh*t."
– VCF1127
Unacceptable Comment
"My uncle died and at his funeral my cousin (his son) was crying. Some old timer uncle came up to him and said 'stop crying you're a man you're embarrassing us'. I never wanted to slap someone at a funeral more than at that moment."
Kids barely understand the concept of death. But when they start to have a firm grasp, it is terrifying for them.
These incidents didn't help.
Cruelty Towards A Child
"A few years back, when the uncle of my mother died my young cousin (8) cried a lot at the funeral. It took some time but eventually he calmed down and his parents went for a little walk with him for some distraction."
"But then he noticed that his first name was written on one of the tombstones. He mentions it loudly and one of the bystanders said: ''Yeah its already reserved for you'."
"He immediately started crying again..."
– firedexo
A Father Moves On
"One of my students' mother died. I went to the funeral with the principal and the student's integration aide. After the funeral her father walked up to her and her grandmother and said 'I want her out of the house by tomorrow morning.' She was 11 years old."
The Guilty Sister
"My sister murdered her father(my stepfather...at the time we didn't know she was guilty)"
"BTW Just so you know she did this purely for financial gain."
"During the viewing she dragged her little boy to the casket and because he didn't cry enough to suit her she pinched him on the upper arm until he was sobbing then took him around to everyone saying he was really crying because he loved his Gramps so much."
Although there is never a time and place for the irrational behaviors mentioned above, maintaining proper decorum at a funeral out of respect for those who've passed on should be common sense.
Whatever unresolved grudges you hold against the departed, it's better to either leave them in the past or resolve your conflict with them in the afterlife.
These Redditors have no shortage of ideas regarding their hypothetical funerals.
Luckily, questions of legality or logistical possibility need not apply to this thread.
The result is a collage of ideas that take different approaches to a couple key factors of the parting ceremony: what happens to the actual body, and how funeral attendees ought to feel.
They’re often meant to be grossed ought, entertained, shocked, or some bizarre combination of the three
aroadcaptain asked, "Social/religious norms aside, how would you like your death to be mourned/celebrated?"
A Nice Mix
"New Orleans has a tradition of marching slowly to the graveyard, mourning. Then a ceremony and a dancing jazz party on the way back to the church, where food and drinks are. The party continues from there."
"I've always thought this is good psychology - mourn, but celebrate also."
-- Naweezy
Quick and Cheap
"After my death, just throw me in the trash." -- leiner240
"If it's summer time, I just hope you die close to garbage day...you'll want your family to remember you fondly after all." -- Bradiator34
"trashes to trashes..." -- michar
Taking Your Principles With You
"I want to become a tree. I don't want my family going broke after I die. If my 1st choice isn't an option, I want them to do something sustainable and affordable." -- jennybean2442
"I want to become Coral Reef!!" -- SamwiseEGangeefff
"Do you want haunted forests? Because this is how you get haunted forests." -- Throwaway726368
Epic
"I want to be dropped like 500 or so feet from the sky and wherever I land is just a surprise." -- pukichoo
"I think there's a funeral parlor that cremates your body and put the ashes in a big-a** firework and blows you up over the sky..." -- superciuppa
At Least Have the Decency to Cure It
"I want my body to be cured, stuffed with candy, and hung from the ceiling so the funeral guests can beat the candy from my dead body like a piñata." -- fxstfullofashes
"Hmmm a human jerky piñata. Nice." -- DerpyArtist
A Minor, Important Stipulation
"I want my remains to be scattered over Disneyland but I DO NOT want to be cremated." -- fu**ingham_green
"My spouse, a wildlife photographer, said that instead of spreading my ashes over my favorite part of Yellowstone that he'd throw me out limb by limb so he could get some amazing photographs." -- chickaboomba
Viking/Irish/Italian Burial Rites
"I'd love to be placed in a wooden ship soaked in gasoline and pushed into the sea while an archer shoots a fiery arrow from the bay."
"The people will then mourn me watching my ship on fire and crumbling into the sea while a bagpiper play a sad Irish music."
"Then, after a while people will start questioning the irish sad song since i'm italian but i will be gone forever, not to be bothered by them."
-- Xobark
Living Reputations Will Follow You
"When I die, I would like one of the following said about me at the service, and written on my tombstone."
"If I outlived the average life expectancy age: 'Late for death, as he was for most things in life.' "
"If I died before the average life expectancy age: 'Finally, something he wasn't late for.' "
-- AMN-
Educational
"I want my body donated to the Body Farm with one special stipulation."
"I want to be put in a car trunk and spring-loaded so that when some hapless grad student comes to check on my decomposition, my corpse pops out at them like a fermenting eyeless jack-in-the-box."
A Corpse That Keeps on Giving
"I want them to take my bones and make me into one of those skeletons they always have in high school science classes."
"This is not in jest, I think it would be truly cool."
"I got the idea from a guy who lost his arm, and later had it taken to a taxidermist. It now sits on the mantle above his fireplace, a skeleton arm and hand."
-- FedMyNed
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