Curious to hear from the types of people strangers online prefer keeping a distance from, Redditor KnownNormie asked:
"What type of person could you never be friends with?"
Some people like in the following examples should be put in their place.
Too Many Theatrics
"Someone who constantly makes everything dramatic."
– Anxiety_Ridden_Camel
Space Hoggers
"Someone who obviously doesn't care about anyone's boundaries."
– Jay4025
Embracing The Dark
"Guilt Trippers"
"Those who think its cool and edgy to be negative about everything."
– Stormflier
How can people who think the world revolves around them expect to maintain or gain friendships?
All About Me
"Self centered people."
–needtofreemyself
The One-Upper
"Yeah, that gets old really fast. I am a reformed one upper. I would also interrupt people. I was hard to take when I was younger. I didn’t learn to STFU until I was forced to take a sales job and discovered just how crap I was socially. The last twenty years I’ve gotten a lot better and now enjoy listening to other people’s stories more than telling my own."
– MobileAccountBecause
Not My Problem
"The one who always blame others."
– Reasonable-mcArdles
We could all benefit from personal growth.
They Wait For Life To Happen
"Someone who doesn’t want to learn more about life and its intricacies. I only want friends who think deeply about things and can have varied conversations on religion, politics, the world, and all of life. This life is too vast and insane not to seek depth in it.
– Glass-Philosopher302
Don't Take Life Too Seriously
"Someone who is always serious and can't take a joke. As well as someone who gets offended on the behalf of others."
– HoarderOfPaper
These are hard "no's."
You Can Bet Your Life On It
"a serial killer."
– LongjumpingReturn555
All Creatures Great And Small
"Someone who doesn't like animals."
– InterestingMall8958
It's complicated to categorize exactly the kind of person I would prefer to not to be friends with, but I know that one of my biggest pet peeves that can jeopardize how much effort I put into all kinds of relationships is a person's lack of punctuality.
It says a lot about an individual who is perpetually late outside of an acceptable window between 5 and 15 mins–with a heads up about their tardiness.
If they're always punctual in regards to work obligations and business meetings but very late to meeting up with you for a coffee date, you're clearly not important enough for them to make an effort to avoid keeping you waiting.
And I got no time for that.
A friend or family member becoming someone you no longer recognize due to making poor life choices can be devastating.
But not all changes are for the worse. Sometimes, someone you're close with who – does a complete 180 and becomes a better person – is commendable.
We all have the capacity for improvement, but does that mean we transform into completely different people?
Curious about the experiences of strangers on the internet, Redditor gigi_c16 asked:
What person did you watch turn into something they were not?
Peer Pressure
"I had a best friend who was honestly one of the nicest people on the planet, but due to depression and peer pressure from toxic people, she began shoplifting and getting into drugs. She stopped caring about people and start doing such risky things that I couldn't even hang out with her without feeling unsafe. She ended up getting me in so much trouble one time, that her mom (who considered me another daughter) told me that we had to separate to protect me from harm and trouble. I miss her family cause they really were another family to me, but she refused to take responsibility and continued being put in dangerous situations."
The Dad Who Fell Into Trouble
"I have a friend from my childhood who's parents really went down the wrong path. I played sports with him and was in school with him from age 3 to graduation. His dad was always his biggest supporter and always sat next to my parents at every game. He was seriously such a nice guy. When we got into high school this kids house was the hang out. Nobody knocked and at any given time there would be 5-10 kids hanging out there. In my four years of high school I watched his dad go from a fun loving easy going dude who loved his kids, to a guy who steals and robs to get his hands on any drug he could put into his body. We took in my friend to live with us when his dad skipped bail and was the subject of a state wide man hunt. It got to the point where he was doing drugs in the house with his oldest son. Seriously one of the saddest things I've ever seen."
The Great Aunt
"after my tight laced, pearl-wearing great aunt had a stroke, she turned into a foul-mouthed, swearing sailor. so sad, yet so flippin hilarious."
Wayward Cowboy
"One of my classmates grew up and decided he was going to be a cowboy. Hat, boots, occasionally chaps... which is fine, except having grown up with him i can pretty safely say he's never worked or lived on any type of farm or ranch and I'm pretty sure he's never even ridden a horse. We are from a very small town and he didn't associate with the horse. He was the emo/punk kid! And everyone liked him for it, he was considering super cool. Now he's a fake cowboy, and most of his hometown friends actually do farm or ranch... and we all know that he doesn't. I don't get it. But its embarrassing watching him throw around country jargon that doesn't make sense. I don't know why he's trying so hard and I don't know where this came from."
Effects Of Schizophrenia
"One of my best friends from childhood ended up with schizophrenia. I watched him turn from a killer musician loving friend and trend setter into a delusional paranoid that refused to take psych meds but self medicated with alcohol."
Former High School Friend
"An former high school friend with 80-85 ish % average in class, turned into a Hells Angels in his 20s or 30s, murdered people, then died by homicide. Those events took place a very long, long time ago."
People Can Change
"My father used to beat the crap out of me as a kid. My siblings too. Purely randomly he would come home late at night, completely sober, and beat the sh*t out of us because he felt like something had been done incorrectly. At about 40 years old he went out one day and bought a drift boat and started fishing. He hasn't been the same since. He is still boisterous and sometimes crosses lines verbally, but he is generally quick to apologize and has been learning ever since. I didn't realize people could change."
Life Change
"I went from an alcoholic, 0.22 gpa, academic probation, almost on death's door from overdosing a billion times on various drugs, in a dead end pizza job, no friends, living with my abusive parents...."
"to a sober soon-to-be university student with 3.25gpa STEM major, improving mental health, a fantastic boyfriend, and a place to call my own in six months from now."
"Life can get better."
Mama Chef
"My mom went from being a good cook to an absolute legend in her 50s. Like, I've eaten at some of the best restaurants in all of Europe and her food is still in my top 5."
Depression
"I was a hellion as a teenager. Didnt help that no one took my mental health issues seriously because I was 'just a teenager.' I got better, learned my own coping mechanisms, grew as a person, but I guess I never completely got over things at age 18, because the depression symptom-switched into an eating disorder."
"No one took my ED seriously either (I reached 80lbs at one point), but I have since self-recovered. I have lingering issues around food and I am very socially withdrawn, but relatively speaking, I am much better now. I'm physically healthy for the first time in my life, I no longer lash out at people (although I still struggle to give others the attention they deserve).
– ramune_0
What The Pandemic Did
"My mom. She went from your average stay-at home denim jacket wearing Canadian mother who loved coffee and Angel statues and would listen to upbeat optimistic songs like 'Walking on Sunshine' and 'Don't stop thinking about tomorrow' and turned into an alcoholic leather jacket hoarder that partied every day of the week and collected band and beer memorabilia and only ever listened to music about drinking, f'king and being on drugs when she met my step-dad when I was 11."
"Things went from her taking care of me and parenting me, to me having to grow up real fast so I could take care of her and parent myself."
"Oddly enough though the pandemic has turned her around again. Being in quarantine and not being able to have 20 people over every night has made her desire to drink flatline and also given her plenty of time to go through and clean out her house. I'm proud of her right now, but I'm also worried that she'll wind up reverting as soon as [the pandemic]'s over and she can see her 'friends' again. All I can do is hope that her progress will stick."
– Morosoro
But friendships evolve as our situations change.
Some bonds end because your party-going besties are no longer compatible with your slowed-down lifestyle.
And in many common cases, some amities slow to a halt when friends get married and start a family while you remain single.
Curious to hear about people's friendships, Redditor CaligulaBlushed asked:
When was the moment you realised you didn't really fit in with your friend group anymore?
Isolation
"When they tend to leave you out when they are going out or talking and chatting."
"Walking down a pavement and somehow you always end up being the one standing behind because you can't fit all in a row."
Missing The Memo
"I was the only girl in a big guy group for ages in high school. One time we'd all organised to go to the movies and were to meet at the train station. I got there a couple minutes early. I waited for 20 minutes, sent a message to my friends. After no reply and waiting for an hour I finally got a hold of one who said they'd cancelled late last night but forgot I was going so they hadn't told me. We'd made the plans a week in advance and I had to call my dad in tears to explain and get him to come pick me up after he dropped me off."
"Big wake up call, it was time to move on."
Never Invited
"Same here. Friends would go have lunch or get a cup of coffee and I was never invited. That hurt me so bad I got depressed. Luckily, I left those people behind me and doing fine now."
– Snaggy4
Movie Plans
"Spent all day trying to get any of them to go see a movie with me that evening. Called people, texted people, no one was available. I decided 'screw it, I'll go alone' and went early to get a ticket and caught a good number of the people I invited coming out of the movie together. They dodged me."
"I sat in my car and wept until the movie started then wept the whole way home."
The Third Wheel
"When I quit putting in the effort to make the plans. I realized I was a 3rd wheel in the group that wasn't invited unless I did the actual work. I was basically ghosted."
It's Conditional
The second they began demanding nice little extra things I'd do for the friendship. The second it became expected rather than appreciated was when I was done with it."
Undesirable Lifestyle
"Literally all they did for fun anymore was get trashed and party, that was not a life I wanted."
Having Kids
"When they started getting married one by one and having kids. After that, everything they did revolved around couples activities or kids activities. Those of us left in the group who are single were sort of shut out."
Cattiness
"When I realised they always talked very poorly about a girl who was in the same class as us in junior year. The girl came from a middle/rich family so she had some manners we didn't (we were from the hoods) so they were always talking dirty about her and critizing her. That girl was never mean to any of us and was the kindest person I have met until then. I never said defended her when my friends talked but it was seriously growing on me and I just left that group, I slowly stopped talking to them. And I became real good friends with her and she is today one of the person I trust a lot."
– Myloh_
Caring For A Former Friend
"When I was drunk at a party, and 911 needed to be called for a former friend that I frankly hated."
"Everyone disappeared when the ambulance and police were heading over. I was stuck drunkenly telling her mom over the phone that her daughter had a severe panic attack and possible alcohol poisoning, and that I was sitting with her while waiting for emergency responders."
"Her mom kept saying I must be her one genuine friend, and I hated that girl for being a petty backstabber. Even if I hate someone, I wouldn't leave them drunk and alone in the middle of a panic attack."
"I cut those friends off after that. It had been a long time coming. The rest of my time at college was very lonely."
In Time Of Need
"I found myself homeless and they all disappeared. Came back around again when I got an apartment but I just didn't want to rekindle the friendships."
The Survivor
"When it went from smoking a little weed, drinking a few beers, and taking the occasional dose, to opiate abuse and full blown alcoholism. In other words when it went from just having some fun to serious addictions. It was time to go. For the record most of them are dead now. Despite my user name I'd prefer they still be alive."
Irritating Friend Group
"I just noticed that anytime I hung out with them I was irritated. We had all been a great friend group from middle school through high school but as we progress through our twenties priorities and things that we all found fun changed drastically."
"I could not stand the people that they became friends with outside of her friend group and those people couldn't stand me. One of the incidents that stands out most in my mind is that while spending the evening with this friend group I put lipstick on and then proceeded to be judged by all of the other girls in the room with them all saying 'I hate makeup! I think anyone who wears makeup is superficial!'"
"I was also irritated at the way that they conducted themselves in terms of making plans. I'm a very impatient and spontaneous person but I am at least aware that a little bit of planning is required when deciding to go on camping trips or travel to another state or country. These folks were kind that just go by the seat of their pants. It would wind up being one of the more stressful times because no arrangements had been made in advance and no research had been done."
"They also would never give me solid answers if I invited them to things like concerts. I would wind up missing out on things because I didn't want to go to them by myself but my friends would never say yes or no until it was too late."
– Urdazzle
Believe it or not, when someone is seeking help and support, they're not necessarily looking for positivity.
Consider what writer Sarah Schuster has to say on the subject:
You can't make someone be positive. You can't sprinkle positivity dust on them and make their problems go away. And honestly, when people are seeking help and support, they're usually not looking for straight-up, inspirational poster positivity. More often, they're looking for validation that their negative feelings are OK.
Toxic positivity is the opposite of what many of us are looking for when seeking help and support:
The hard-to-face truth is, supporting people isn't about being "positive." In fact, when you force positivity down someone's throat, it can actually have the opposite effect. "Toxic positivity" can make people feel unsafe expressing their negativity, and negativity thrives in isolation. It can make people think there's something wrong with them for not simply "choosing" happiness, and shame is negativity's enabling best friend.
When we're supporting someone who's hurting, we need to leave room for positivity to grow. And you don't yell at a flower to "just" grow — you water it. In this case, you water it with listening, with validation, and with unconditional support. It's OK to experience negative emotions, and with support, we can help people who are stuck in negativity find their own way out. Simply telling them to "be positive" doesn't cut it.
This is where a graphic created by Whitney Hawkins Goodman, LMFT, owner of The Collaborative Counseling Center, comes in, and it's eye-opening.
Hawkins Goodman successfully illustrates the difference between toxic positivity and actual validation and hope below:
Here are some positive sayings I found on Pinterest. Alone, they're pretty benign. But for someone who is really struggling they can sting. I translated them into some different variations that I think still inspire hope, but are validating. What do you think?
See the difference?
Others do, and the chart has proved rather eye-opening for those seeking to understand the two distinctions.
We should always work on ourselves to be better friends––and better people––step by step!