Many of us sometimes fantasize about what we would do to our worst enemies, especially in the moments when they're actively making our lives worse.
While most of us would never actually do any of the things that we contemplate instead of screaming at that super annoying person at the office, we do get pretty creative with the ideas.
Redditor take_me_there_ asked:
"What WOULD you wish on your worst enemy?"
This One Would Hurt
"A conscience. Let her realize the horrific things she’s done."
"Seriously. Introspection, self awareness, and empathy are traits that would improve a lot of sh*tty people."
"Oh I wish I had thought of this one. If my enemy had a conscience, wow life would be much different."
No Pearly Whites For You
"I’d like all their teeth to turn really yellow and stay yellow no matter what they do."
"What did I ever do to you?"
"I don't even know you! Give me back my enamel!"
Everything You Own Is Orange NowSnl Cheetos GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy
"Permanent Cheeto fingers. Just orange cheese dust getting on everything."
"This has to be one of the most evil things I ever heard, yet absolutely hilarious."
"The Midas Touch: Snack Edition"
Ouch, But Forever
"Stubbing and breaking their toe and right as it’s about to be done healing it happens again over and over for the rest of their pitiful time on this hell we call earth."
"More of a Toemetheus imo"
"For them to realize how big of an a-hole they are."
"Same for me. The trouble is mine probably knows what a tremendous a-hole he is, and just doesn't care (it's what defines him, is his outlook more than likely), so, give mine a conscience as well, he undeniably lacks one."
"a crushing moment of self realization is something that can destroy you mentally. I wish that on them."
Bury Them Under A Mountain Of Minor Inconveniences
"Always being hungry two hours after eating no matter how large the meal. Slow internet. Traffic jams no matter the location. Self doubt. Allergies. Favorite shows spoiled."
"Nothing major enough to be life altering but constant, low grade inconveniences that wear on your soul every day."
"Every bite of food they eat/drink they drink being slightly the wrong temperature."
"Coffee? Warm but not hot. Cola? Cool, but not cold. Muffin? Ever so slightly frozen."
"Not enough to ruin their life, but just enough to not quite have full enjoyment of anything.."
They'll Never Be Able To Use Their Computer Again
"Quick scan with McAfee on their computer."
"You f**king monster."
"The constant pop-ups from McAfee is too far."
That's A New Level Of Evil
"Currently dealing with bed bugs, and I can absolutely confirm this is the kind of thing I would wish upon my worst enemy. It is miserable and painful, and I've tried everything to get rid of them at this point."
"I would easily wish this upon my worst enemy, x10."
"Oh hell no, you went there... Hopefully they aren't living in an apartment complex or you've cursed everyone in the building."
Well of course I know him. He’s me.Animated GIFGiphy
"$100,000. I sure could use it."
"'It’s no surprise to me I am my own worst enemy'"
"Lol I thought this was that deep sh*t like 'pray for those you resent to have all the things you want in life….' Then I realized."
Forever Constipatedthe powerpuff girls bubbles GIFGiphy
"That they can never have a satisfying poop. They always feel like they have to go to the bathroom and when they do nothing comes."
- [User Deleted]
"Wow. That's evil. Always feeling the need to pee would be good (as in horrific) too."
We definitely don't recommend implementing any of these plans (not that most would actually be possible), but here's some new ideas for the next time you're stuck in a meeting with your most annoying coworker and need a little fantastical escape.
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Ever since moving to New York to acquire fame and fortune, I've had to make sacrifices. For the first year I was able to live alone but I was stationed a little far from where all the action happens. Quickly I learned that in order to be in the thick of the action, I was gonna have to move in with people and share my space to save some coin. Now some thirty roommates later.... I should've just stayed with the commute. The book I could write. I wouldn't know where to begin. The roommate who had a two year old that he forgot to mention? The roomie who liked to dance nude in the kitchen while intoxicated? The guy who would have pornographic sound level intercourse? Oh the stories. Imma live alone forever.Redditor u/epic-yolo-swag wanted everyone to unload about the worst choices we've all made by deciding to share a home by asking..... Redditors, what is your roommate horror story?
College Fienddisgusted new girl GIFGiphy
In college, I had a strange suite mate who kept a Tupperware container in the corner on the floor of our shower.
One day, my roommate (who was my childhood best friend) came into our room from the bathroom all distressed. She had stepped on the container and it came open. It was apparently full of dirty underwear. For some reason, the first thing out of my mouth was, "They aren't mine, are they?" Her reply, "No. I checked." lol. Apparently, we both got the same weird underwear-stealing vibe!
While on Tour
Lived with two very bogan girls for about 4 months. Went away on tour for a few weeks, came back to find the house trashed, all their stuff gone and most of my kitchen appliances missing as well. They still owed about $600 in rent between them as well.
Four years later I'm at a pub with some friends and this big footballer-type dude I'd never met comes up to me and grabs me by the neck, yelling about how I used to hit his sister. Turns out he was the brother of one of the girls that did a runner and before she moved out she'd been showing up at home with the occasional black eye and bruises from her new boyfriend. But so her family wouldn't hate her new man that was touching her up, she told them it was me.
I eventually settled it out with the brother and he apologized, turns out when I was away on tour he and his footy team all showed up to the house and were planning to belt me up. When I wasn't there they decided to trash the house and break/steal a bunch of my stuff.
She stole my underwear (she was at least 4 sizes larger then me), gave her boyfriend a key to our apartment and he would stay there 6 nights a week and not contribute to rent. On the night her boyfriend was not there she would bring random guys home and cheat on her boyfriend with them, LOUDLY. She'd complain I "never took out the trash" because I found it pointless to do it once a day when there was maybe 3 things in it.
Would put dead stink bugs in my coffee water tank, and when she moved out locked her bedroom door and left her sink running for 3 days until I was finally able to get it open to find her bathroom flooded. She also talked so much crap about me to my boss at the time (who happened to be a family friend of hers).I had no choice but to quit a find a better job because she cut my hours. What a gem.
Uni HellLook Whos Talking Now Reaction GIFGiphy
First year of University in halls, one of my flatmates would:
-use a tray in the oven that had holes in it so any fat or oil would drip onto the oven not clean it up and there would almost be a fire everytime anyone else tried to use the oven if they forgot to clean it because he never cleaned up after himself, he even tried to blame it on other people when we caught him doing it multiple times (one of our other flatmates was a vegan so she basically didn't use the oven the whole year because of it).
-he would have his Iphone alarm going off for hours in the morning (used to start at 4am-8am).
-invite people round at like 2am and they would be screaming and shouting (on multiple occasions I had to leave my room to tell them to be quiet).
This is more of an annoyance than a horror story. My roommate had people stay with her for several days to two weeks, about once a month. She also ran her tutoring business from the house. Unfortunately, we didn't have a guest room, and my roommate didn't want these people in her room for some reason, so these guests stayed in the living room.
As a result, it was impractical for me or the third roommate to use the living room and sometimes the kitchen. Apparently the area outside my bedroom door was a particularly comfortable sleeping space, and people lack common sense. It got really annoying having to check for and step over a sleeping person if I came home late at night.
The worst was when her parents stayed over. Her father was old-school Chinese and expected women to do all the housework. He constantly left the toilet seat up, and he dribbled pee around the toilet. My roommate wouldn't do anything about it, on the grounds that he was old and set in his ways.
I talked to him and his wife about it, and my roommate blew up at me for embarrassing her dad. They stayed with us rent-free for 3 weeks. Also, my roommate and her family all throw toilet paper in the bin instead of flushing it, even though the pipes in America are fine, so the bathroom was extra gross. After that, I never lived with roommates again.
I once lived with 3 guys in a house. There was what I called a "pee ring" around the toilet. As there was dust elsewhere. But the pee would mix with the dust to form this ring around the base of the toilet.
They'd also play garbage Jenga. If it toppled over usually that person would take it out. Sometimes said person was too lazy and would let it topple.
For the next person who had it topple over a 2nd time to take it out. The kitchen sink was always filled with moldy dishes and food. The kitchen counter the same. The stove top had dirty pots and the oven had dirty pans. We had lots of fruit flies, mice and mold.
Given a history of extensively crappy roommates, my freshman year roommate was bonkers. Upon moving in together, he found out a was into coffee and (in what I assumed was a joke) brought up starting a coffee shop in our dorm room. Two days later he informs me that he already has investors and he spent over a grand of start-up money to buy blenders, espresso machines, etc. We never used any of them. He was an ex Taekwondo teacher with some anger management issues which was always concerning.
One time he had sex with some random girl at like 3 am, while i was sleeping in the room. He bought a legit blow dart gun and would shoot it at our door without warning, so I always had to knock multiple times before entering (and it still wound up having to dodge some needles). About 3/4 of the way through the year, he started working at a hotel and blowing off his classes, eventually, he bought a house with someone from the hotel and proceeded to live there all while still paying tuition.
Our collective friend group got super worried about him since he wouldn't show up to classes or our dorm for multiple weeks at a time. One day he just showed up, grabbed all his stuff from our room, and said he was moving out but had paid room and board for the rest of the year, so I got a single room for the rest of the year for free. All in all, not a bad deal.
Oh boy, let me share the tale of Crazy Italian Guy (CIG)
Let's get in the mood, shall we? We were 7 people in a house, in rooms where you could barely fit a bed (2×1m) and 1 kitchen, so no escape.
CIG was always kind of messy/loud. But i mean, you manage right?
One day I come home from work. Stop by the kitchen to grab a bite. And there he was. In all his Glory. Crazy Italian Guy, sitting by the table. He glanced at me shortly with madness in is eyes and got back to his business.
I realize there's a little pile of white powder by his side. 'Ok, so the guy's doing druggs. Explains a lot' I thought, innocently. Oh no, not at all.
CIG was not doing drugs. What he WAS doing is cutting up a newspaper in an obsessive manner until it turns to actual dust. A whole newspaper. In tiny piles. For hours on end.
From that day on, my door always stayed close. I do not trust the Demonic Pasta Man.
When I was attending uni, had this one crazy roommate. She had graduated years ago but was not searching for a job or anything. She would just sit in her room all day, doing god knows what, only venturing out for groceries and, sporadically, cooking. No friends or family ever visited her, she never went anywhere.
She would also never clean anything in the apartment, not even her own dirty dishes - and proceeded to throw an angry fit at me whenever I cleaned her dishes for her (because layers of fungus in a communal kitchen). She would also get very upset whenever i put stuff on 'her' side of the countertop (which was also communal). I always wondered what became of her.
Ummmm..... Arsonist?Season 7 Nbc GIF by Brooklyn Nine-NineGiphy
She set my hair on fire by waving a candle through it.
The Full Experience
Had a roommate who was fully enjoying her college experience, and I'll just leave that there with all the usual stories of how it affected us (her roommates).
Meanwhile I'm actually trying to study. She comes home after a football game and finds me in my books, sneaks up and fires one of those stadium compressed air horns directly in my left ear.
I still don't hear very well from it.
As bad as that was, I think the runner up was a week vacation everyone took. She brought a boyfriend home the night before we left and ate a bunch of seafood. They threw it in the trash and left without a thought.
What we came back to was THE most god-awful stench I've ever had to bear. Hundreds of flies, everywhere. The hate is real, y'all.
WAKE UPwake up morning GIFGiphy
One roommate always slept through his alarm, so he bought a VERY loud alarm clock that would go off until one of us would turn it off and yell at him.
I lived in a large house and had a housemate who was barely 21 and a full blown alcoholic. He was a nice enough guy when he was sober, but he was really mean when he drank. He'd destroy stuff, pick fights, stuff like that. He did stuff that he otherwise would have been arrested for, but his family was a prominent group of lawyers in the area, so he got away with the crap he did, and to some degree his parents were enabling his behavior. Eventually he caused too much destruction and my housemates and I voted to evict him.
There was also suspicion that he was getting into harder drugs like cocaine. When he was told to leave, he did as much destruction as he could to my housemates' property. He never targeted me because there was no conflict between him and I, but like I said, he was mean to the more assertive housemates. Eventually he got arrested and his parents had to come to the house to collect his stuff and apologize. I think he was actually left alone to cool his heels in jail. I just hope he got the help he needed.
Roommate 1 (nice guy) finished his bottle of peanut oil and accidentally left the empty bottle on the counter. Roommate 2 went completely nuts and started yelling. We assumed it was because she hated the mess and wanted people to throw away their stuff (which would have been fair, though a bit of an overreaction). Finally we could make out enough words to understand that she thought somebody had finished her oil.
No amount of reasoning could convince her that the full bottle in the cabinet was hers. After that, she locked salt and pepper in her room so stop others from using it as she had refilled them last. One of many tantrums... ironically, she would always tell people how chill she was and that they should be chill, too. To this day I hate the word chill.
This Brazilian idiot. Ate all my food, I'd wake up and find Brazilians passed out all over the apartment half the week, if ever I had a female friend round, he'd be in there talking about how he's Brazilian 'you know Brazil? Im from brazil, I'm Brrrrazillian'. The worst thing he did was try and claim that Brazilian pizza was better than Italian pizza. But then apparently everything Brazilian is the best in the world.
He did sleep with one of my friends, she told me he lasted 2 minutes and the first thing he said after sex was 'so, is this the first time you had sex with a Brrrazilllian?' NEVER met someone so sickeningly patriotic. Brazil was his only personality trait!
The Maggot Man!
Guy moves in to a room in a shared house with my friend. They begin to realize guy is a not so functional alcoholic. Never leaves his room, they hear him groaning and stumbling around a lot.
One day friend goes to do laundry and new guy has just finished a load in the washer. When friend goes to put his clothes in the washer he notices its full of rice. Rice that moves.
Friend screams, take his clothes out of the washer, starts hot bleaching the inside of the machine trying to get all the maggots out. The housemates go to confront the new guy in his room about the laundry maggots and see he is living in absolute filth.
Piles of clothes next to vomit puddles that have now attracted flies and maggots, bottles of pee and garbage strewn around, there is no mattress he sleeps on the floor, the wood on the floor is WARPED from all the puke on it, there is vomit in the air vent...
They ask him if he is peeing in bottles where does he poop. Apparently he was going to the nearby gas station to take dumps because he was worried the house mates would be judgmental. :(
They kick him out less then three weeks after he arrives, clean the room discovering FURTHER maggot and puke piles. They leave all his furniture in the front yard to be collected whenever, while guy stumbles off to find new digs to ruin further.
WHAT IS THAT?!!!Scream GIF by OriginalsGiphy
Had a sleepwalking roommate at university.
One night I woke up with him standing over my bed, his long curly hair flowing down his face... not doing anything, just standing there facing my direction.
The other time he sat on his bed in the middle of the night, shouting other roommate's name and asking "WHAT IS STANDING NEXT TO THE WINDOWS, WHAT IS THAT??!!!" and immediately laying down and sleeping calmly...we didn't close our eyes till morning came.
In a big city, expensive apartment, one evening I heard the sound of liquid in the hallway. Went to check and found a roommate peeing in the hall closet, drunk out of his mind. I told him the toilet was the next door down but he continued peeing until he was finished. The next morning I told the other roommate who then checked to find his dress shoes were 'wet'. Over breakfast, I overheard Pee-boy and Shoe-owner - both in their 30s - argue about the the pee. I moved out days later.
They would wake me up at 6am, no matter the day. They care nothing for Saturday's or Sunday's. They had their own food, yet would watch me eat mine and beg for some. Other times, just taking when I was turned away. I would wake up sometimes and find them staring at me on my bed. So unwholesome. I found their hair everywhere. Bathroom time is no longer sacred if they need something. They would stare at me as I did number 1 or 2, doesn't matter. They never paid rent.
WaterworksParis Hilton Reaction GIFGiphy
My roommate peed himself in his sleep. Every. Single. Night.
Worst part is it's four of us sleeping AND living in the same room. The smell... I wish I could forget.
He also terribly stinks from constant sweating and leaves around rotting leftover.
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There comes a time in our lives when we have to cut people out because of their toxic, negative, or destructive behavior. And there's no shame in doing it - tolerance and acceptance can only go so far, and there is always a last straw.
The785 asked: What was the incident that made you cut somebody close out of your life?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
There is always a way to get back at life. Though just because we all deserve some personal karmic justice from time to time, doesn't mean we should always go the devious route to get it. That will just continue the besmirchment of our character. However if you're really feeling a need to to get one over in a peaceful way opportunities will always arise.
Nobody is perfect sure but, some people are just too much to handle. Now it can take sometime to figure out the toxic people around you. They can very cagey about their true selves. If it turns out they're your best friend or sister that leaves you facing a conundrum. But if a brand new person strolls into your life and you can just smell their rotting carcass of an aura. You have the freedom to peace out there and then. Those red flags start waving immediately. If there is an IMMEDIATE dislike... just go!
Redditor u/9w_lf9 wanted to put everyone on notice by having the rest of us reveal... What is that one thing that immediately puts you off a person?