We've all heard the saying by now that "If the guy has to tell you he's nice, he's probably not very nice at all." Unfortunately, many of us can personally attest to this.
And it's almost shocking how many of those stories are contained in the Reddit community.
Recently, Redditor targetgoldengoose opened a whole can of worms when they asked:
"Has anyone ever given a 'nice guy' a chance after they've thrown a tantrum because you didn't let them treat you like a queen? And if you did, how did it work out?"
Too Much Too Fast
"I met a guy online and he seemed really nice. He was a tad pushy about meeting up but I ignored that little feeling. We met up shortly after for a quick date (I think we got coffee) and chatted. It was instant chemistry, he had 2 sons and I have 2 kids, both open to blended families, goal-oriented, smart, and easy conversation."
"We decided to go out again the next night, really nice date and he was a complete gentleman. He mentioned on the date we'd have to get the kids together to see if they like each other. I laughed it off, like, 'Yeah, maybe down the road, we just met,' and continued the date."
"Two days later, during our texting, I casually mentioned I was going to take my kids on a nature walk and I'd text him when I was back."
"He showed up with his kids. Now, I don't have it in me to be mean to children so I played nice and introduced myself (they were around 5 and 7, and very sweet boys) but inside I was creeped the f**k out."
"After we parted ways, I called him and told him that was not cool AT ALL. Of course, he played the victim and hurt until I said I was uncomfortable with what he did... then it was 'I'm just trying to love you and your kids' and 'how can we be together if they don't meet' and 'you should appreciate a man trying with a woman with 2 kids'... as if he didn't have 2 his d**n self."
"He sent angry messages for about a week, but I never would respond, and he went away."
"To clarify, this all happened in a 2-week span. From start to finish."
- lasha890
The Beginning and End of Tinder
"It was my first (and last) tinder date."
"I went to the guy's house and figured it would be safe since he had 2 roommates."
"He'd lived with these roommates for 6 months and when I asked him their names, he couldn't tell me! First red flag."
"I was like Uhm... how? Any sane person would make some attempt to learn their roommates' names. It's not like he was in a basement suite. He shared many common areas with them."
"When I got there, his house was barely furnished. There was a large tv in the living room and no seating whatsoever. He quickly scrambled upstairs to get two child-sized egg chairs and planted them in front of the TV."
"The TV was playing a movie that was mostly porn and super inappropriate for a first date. I figured he was trying to get me horny? It just made me uncomfortable. As did the egg chair I didn't fit in."
"He promptly signaled for me to come to sit on his lap, I figured it might be more comfortable than the chair I was in."
"At one point, he went in for a kiss and I thought what the heck, might as well try to enjoy myself. It was AWFUL. All I could feel were his teeth and his lizard tongue punching my uvula. I actually had to hold back gags."
"After that, I waited about 15 minutes before signaling that I was going to leave, mostly to preserve his feelings."
"So after the date, I messaged him, saying I couldn't see a second date happening. I was as nice as humanly possible."
"He LOST it: 'You're just a w**re!' and 'Didn't want you anyways!' and 'Now you are showing your TRUE colors!'"
"But then he switched to: 'I love you, though!' and 'I was going to bring you to Greece!'"
"He flip-flopped between those two states and called me (no answer) every 3 minutes until I blocked him on everything."
"Then I deleted Tinder."
- kellogg888
Lucky to Have Him
"Oooh, finally my time to... shine? I guess? In high school, I briefly dated a 'nice guy' (complete with an actual fedora in 2000 before they were really a thing; thanks, art school!)."
"I had been in a really horrible, abusive relationship with a guy in his 20s just before, and in fairness, my 'nice guy' then-friend had been instrumental in helping me to realize how f**ked up our vibe was and helping me to leave an objectively horrible situation."
"He then promptly swooped in and started pushing for romantic intimacy between us. He never actually declared feelings (he was never that straightforward about his own thoughts and desires) but just talked about the way I deserved to be treated (like a queen, obvs) and made it clear he felt he was the only one who would give me that."
"Many of my friends were pushing for it, as well. He was nice, after all, and my previous boyfriends had been so objectively awful."
"I felt a lot of obligation and kind of went along on autopilot. There was a lot of negotiation around anything sexual, like, 'I treat you so well, don't you want to?' from him and 'I know you want to treat me like a lady so you'll be okay to take it slow,' from me."
"One of the hardest parts was that he clearly wasn't out to hurt me or to f**k me. The sexual acts between us (we never slept together, but did other things that seemed like a huge deal to teenage me) were only a demonstration, proof that I loved him and that was what he wanted."
"But I didn't, and I really thought that meant there was something wrong with me."
"In the end, I only lasted about a month. He decorated my locker, brought flowers, and left notes for me taped to my desk in each of my classes to 'celebrate' our f**king one-month anniversary. I was mortified."
"My math teacher caught a good look at my face (before I managed to plaster a smile back on) as I opened the note he had left in her class. She asked me to stay back after for what turned out to be one of the most important talks in my life (Mrs. Brown, just the best)."
"I felt panicked, telling her over and over how happy and lucky I was. She kept asking questions until I burst into tears, and it all just came out. I don't really remember what all she said, but I remember her saying, 'It's okay to be alone.' She said it over and over, like Robin Williams going, 'It's not your fault' in 'Good Will Hunting.'"
"And soon enough, I was. I broke up with him, kindly but firmly, and about five different times before he accepted it."
"He cried. He got angry. Absurdly, insanely, his mom called my mom, who dropped the hammer on her in a way I haven't seen before or since."
"I took a ton of s**t at school for 'breaking his heart' and 'ruining his life,' but I felt so free that I didn't really mind. I dated around but didn't have a 'boyfriend' again until I was 21. It was, truly, okay (and important, and necessary) to be alone."
- KiKiCanuck
"I didn't, but my friend did."
"See, This Guy and I had a Mutual Friend. This Guy saw himself as a white knight and would use that term to describe himself. He had a code of honor, and he was always somebody who'd walk the girl home, lend out his jacket, that sort of thing."
"Well, Mutual Friend was asked out by This Guy, and he threw a fit when she turned him down. So, she gave him a chance. At first, she was happy. He pulled out chairs, lent her his jacket, brought her gifts, that kind of thing. But... it became apparent that he was incredibly possessive and things were always on his terms. So, they broke up."
"About six months after This Guy was dumped, he decided he liked me. Telling him I wasn't interested didn't work the first or second time, so the third time I decided to just come out and tell him I was asexual."
"I hadn't done so before because I wasn't sure how he'd take it. He decided that I was lucky he was such a nice guy, because if he wasn't then he'd have taken that as a challenge."
"I haven't hung out with This Guy since then. Just, no."
- Akagigan
"I dated a guy in high school. The relationship was okay, but it was long distance, so we amicably ended it. He was the one that brought it up and I agreed."
"Fast forward 6 months and he randomly messages me. Everything is friendly until I mention that I have a new boyfriend. The conversation did a quick 180 from 'Hi, how are you' to 'You'll never find someone like me' and how could I start dating again so soon."
"I blocked his a** real fast. And he was right, I never did find another guy like him, because I married the new boyfriend and we're still together 18 years later."
- jadeursa
"I've had this situation too. I dated a guy for a few months. From the beginning though, he was just embarrassing."
"We had mutual friends, and he would spend full outings, parties, and weekend trips voicing his disbelief that I would date him. Telling people how lucky he was in a self-deprecating way that was gross, that he has 'won the lotto' and I was 'out of his league,' no matter how many times I asked him to quit it as he did it every single time we were in public."
"It got so bad that his best friend actually snapped and told him in the middle of a self-deprecating rant how embarrassing it was and to look at how uncomfortable he was making me. That started a huge argument about 'but she's a queen, I'm just treating her like one!' When I had the audacity to agree with his best friend, it became a full cry meltdown. In front of everyone. To the point where people left a paid weekend trip early because he made everyone so f**king uncomfortable."
"I broke up with him that weekend, the break up lasted for hours with me begging him to get the f**k out of my house while he cried and cried and cried about how he treats me so well, how could I do this to him. Then it turned to rage."
"I had to block him on everything when I started dating someone months later, a lot of friends blocked him as well when they found out he was stalking me (parking outside my home for hours, etc)."
"I was naive. And dumb. Looking back, I wish I had been aware enough to recognize emotional manipulation. If you're dating someone and they act like you're doing them a favor, don't date that person."
- BrownSugarBear
Gave A Nice Guy A Shot
"A girlfriend told me that when she was still new to dating, she gave a nice guy a shot. They were in different states and after weeks of 'owing him' a sexy picture or video, she agreed to FaceTime him with a wink-wink agreement that things might get steamy."
"The day comes, and this 300-pound, unwashed dude called her (190 pounds, 5'6) 'nice, but bigger than he liked' and suggested she start working out."
"He then pushed for an in-person visit near him so that he could show her the wonders of carnal things."
"She ghosted him shortly after that."
- milkeymikey
Approval Seeker
"He stopped any form of compliments or encouragement and I found myself desperately trying to seek his approval (my own issues, definitely, can't blame him for having them)."
"But he seemed to take pleasure in withholding affection from me and using insults, put-downs, and backhanded compliments to keep me in a cycle of walking on eggshells."
- GilbertTheCrunch
Anything But Nice
"I had a guy who would constantly ask me out or make really awkward advances for like a year-plus."
"I finally hit a pretty low point after coming out of a relationship and agreed to go out on a date. He seemed actually kind of nice and we ended up dating and lived together for a bit."
"It all turned sour though, when he realized that all his 'cute punk girl' bulls**t he had projected on to me wasn't who I am and I wasn't changing to what he wanted me to be, and then all of a sudden he was out with friends constantly and coming home drunk."
"The morning he came home, around 6 AM, telling me he kissed another woman, finally woke me up and I left him."
"He would still send me messages for months after we broke up, not acknowledging my replies saying I have a boyfriend and it's inappropriate to say these things, etc."
"Even now if I unblock him from social media, I'll get a message within a few days saying things like: 'Hey, still beautiful, I see,' or 'Hey cutie/sweetie,' etc., and he gets blocked again, ugh."
- ArcaneTrickstr
"My sister did... She is a hairstylist and one of her clients was very aggressive about asking her out. He repeatedly bought flowers, concert tickets, and other gifts which he brought to her at work, and she said no each time because he seemed a little off."
"He got in a car accident and was really badly injured, and she felt sorry for him, so she went out with him finally. They dated a few months before breaking up, I don't know the exact reason why. But after that, he started stalking her."
"It's been over five years since then and he is still keeping tabs on her. She's reported him to the police multiple times, has a restraining order, and has blocked him on FB/everywhere else, but every few months he finds a way to contact her."
"So if you get weird vibes from someone, don't give them a chance, or you might end up with a lifelong stalker like my sister."
- Isaac_The_Khajiit
"I had a guy message me on Facebook. We went to high school together but I don't recall ever speaking to him."
"Off the bat, he was weird, saying how much he enjoyed talking to me (3 convos in and I was pretty short with him), he was happy he found me, etc."
"I was short but cordial with him. One night I said I was going to clean the kitchen and head to bed. He said if he saw me on, he'd say hi."
"That bugged me. I told him messenger wasn't always accurate on whether you are on or not. He acted like he didn't know what I meant."
"I woke up the next morning to a work FB message (I manage the page). I opened it to respond and he literally immediately messaged me."
"I don't care what people say about ghosting, I ghosted him, no regrets. I have not blocked or unfriended him completely but he can't see my new posts or see when I'm online anymore."
- Crosswired2
Once Was Enough
"Yes, I did once, and I wish I didn't. He wasn't a nice guy after all. He treated me like I was the ugly one, I never felt more s**tty in my whole life than when I was with him. I should have known."
- ynextdoorneighbor
"The tantrums continued throughout the relationship. He was very controlling. If I was out with friends, he would be upset that I was having fun without him."
"He ended up cheating on me and dumping me only to beg me back. He semi-stalked me for a couple of years. He also had an online blog about what I did each day and tried to befriend my exes."
- Lrad5007
But Maybe There's Still Hope
"I was the ‘nice guy’ who got turned down for a second date. I said the same bulls**t that any ‘nice guy’ says when that happens, like all women are the same, say they want nice guys, only date a**holes, etc."
"She said ‘Well, fine, let’s have that second date but doesn’t it make you feel weird to have to convince someone to date you? Don’t you want someone who wants to be with you?’"
"Me: ..."
"Her comment changed absolutely everything about dating for me."
"I took about two years from dating to start working on myself after that. I started doing things that I enjoyed and took up a few hobbies. I cultivated friendships with women not as a sneaky way to try to date them but as real, meaningful relationships."
"Shortly after that, I met my future wife. We’ve been married for 17 years and have a 12-year-old daughter."
- WackyNephews
It's unsettling how many women have found themselves in situations that are rooted in entitlement.
Hopefully more "nice guys" will learn from the last Redditor and look for a relationship founded in genuine feelings instead of desperation.
Some people are just born bad and rotten to the core. And then they're unleashed onto society, so we get to deal with them.
Stranger danger and red flags are mantras to commit to memory. We have to beware who we allow into our lives.
Danger and evil are abound. It's good to discuss the times we've crossed paths with dangerous people. It can be a warning for others and a way to release the memory.
Redditortrash_coleswanted to hear about the people some of us have encountered that left an uneasy feeling, by asking:
"Who's the most dangerous person you've met and what did they do?"
Everything you're about to read is really for people 17 and over. Not that people below 17 haven't encountered trash but some of these stories can be a little much.
What a piece of work.
"I've got two. It's hard to choose. Guy I went to high school with. Only about 5foot4 but ripped. Sort of your stereotypical Napoleon complex. Obsessed with his ex-girlfriend. Showed up to her house, drove up onto her lawn with his S2000 as she was walking out the house to go to school."
"Jumped out of the car and beat her to an inch of her life. Broke her jaw and then some. At the current time she was dating my friend's brother and he planned on breaking up with her that afternoon. Went to prison since he was 18. Not sure where he is at now."
"Sister in law's husband. What a piece of work. Steroids for days. Forced sister-in-law down put a gun to her head and told her to pull the trigger when he lost his crap. He calmed down, she grabbed her two kids in tow and went to the neighbors house who called the cops. Cops showed up and did a standoff when they found out he was a bit of a gun nut."
"At one point he came out of the house and told the cops everything is okay and they can go home. He finally gave up. Turned out he had a previous felony in his 20's (started a high speed chase with the cops) so all the guns he had were purchased illegally."
"Sister in law didn't divorce him or press charges, but the ATF took it upon themselves to make an example of him. He did 8 years in prison for felony gun postilion. Just got out during Covid. They are still together and have a third kid on the way. Fun fact he's got 5 other children out in the world." ~ LeKy411
He gave me the creeps.
"One day at work my coworker's boyfriend showed up with her three kids, and she introduced me to him. He gave me the creeps. A couple of years later, he smothered her kids and strangled her to death, during which she gave partial birth." ~ WoolaTheCalot
"I remember when that happened. My sister's childhood friend was one of the people that found them. It really messed her up for very long time." ~ Pretending2beme
Get in the car!
"I had a sort of similar experience once! I was 16 and had gone out for a run, twisted my ankle, and skinned my knee badly. I was limping home and bloodied, so when this guy stopped and offered me a ride, it seemed like just kindness at first. This was around 7-8 am and this guy was dressed professionally in a nice car, at first I thought it was some dude on his way to work who was trying to be helpful."
"But the rule "never get into a stranger's car" has been so thoroughly drilled into me that I politely refused, and that's when it got weird. He started insisting, and changing his jovial tone to an increasingly aggressive and angry tone. I kept refusing. Before long he started angrily saying "Get in the car! Get in the CAR!" and it was clear that I was in a bad situation."
"I'm not sure what changed his mind, but while I was saying "no!" and backing away, he finally paused and looked at me and just said "ok" and hit the gas, speeding away as fast as possible. That was a weird experience." ~ Kubanochoerus
The Strangest Superstitions People Actually Observe | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
The world can be a superstitious place. If you've ever knocked on wood or thrown salt over your shoulder then you've run into one or two throughout your life...A psychopath like that shouldn't get to taste freedom again.
"I grew up with a guy that always seemed like there was something a little off about him. We were in Boy Scouts together for a couple of years, and I remembered him always getting in trouble for small stuff, like saying things he shouldn't (mostly swearing from what I remember) and going off to do his own thing (he once just walked away one night during a retreat without saying anything and made the troop leaders and parents have to search for them for about an hour)."
"He was also prone to getting into fights at school and cutting class and such. Anyway, he was a couple of years older than me and we weren't close in any way, shape, or form, so I all but forgot about him when I moved away in middle school. I didn't think about him again until my mom showed me his mugshot when I was in high school let me read the news article about him."
"He was living in a house with his pregnant girlfriend and some of her family. There were a good number of people in the house, including several kids, so you could imagine how loud and cramped it must've been in there. Anyway, he said was afraid that there wouldn't be enough space for the baby with all of the other people living there, so one day, he took one of the kids (a toddler, mind you) to the pond out back, tossed him in, and walked away."
"He'd also talked it through with one of his girlfriend's cousins or aunts about it, so it was a premeditated decision (side note: she was also arrested and sentenced). The guy apparently had no remorse for what he did, even considering that the kid was part of his girlfriend's family, because he believed that he had to "make room" for his own kid. He got sentenced to life with no parole, and that's well-deserved. A psychopath like that shouldn't get to taste freedom again." ~ Elegant-Narwhal-506
Damn Cuz
"My cousin. He has been a violent person since we were kids. He only does the bad stuff when he's high on meth, so there is that. in 1998 he shot up a convenience store trying to kill another cousin. His wife at the time was a dispatcher for the local police department."
"He had physically abused her and they were separated at the time. The story was that he resisted arrest (highly likely), but the local officers who were friends of his wife gave him a long, generous beating before he made it to jail. He got 20 years but served only 8. It should have been longer." ~ donedoneitonce
"ghost hunting"
"I don't recall the man's name, but he was the self appointed leader of a local militia in Maryland. This was back in the late 90's, and he claimed to be gearing up himself and others in preparation of Y2K. At first I thought it was all bluster and hot air, after all the man hung out in a Denny's in the middle of the night."
"One night some friends and I elected to go "ghost hunting" and one of my friends invited this guy along (since my friend also hung out in a Denny's in the middle of the night). We decided to stop at this guys house on the way so that he could be "prepared." When we step through the threshold of the house we are instantly greeted with enough firearms to equip a unit of about fifty men, and there were five people sitting around the house cleaning various rifles."
"A short moment of deliberation and the man settled on a pistol and we went out to a few haunted sites in the Ellicott City area. When we reached the third site, an alleged haunted stretch of train track, we spot flames from a camp fire and hear voices. The majority of us recognize this as people camping by the tracks, and this guy interprets this as a ghost and draws the pistol as though he will somehow kill an ethereal creature."
"If not for my friend I am confident that this guy would have just opened fire on these people, who turned out to be a couple of teenagers, without a second thought. I did not drive that night so I was stuck in the situation, but I never went back to that Denny's and pretty much stopped hanging out with my friend that night as well." ~ Therearenogoodnames9
The Roomie
"My old roommate, S. A tiny little 18 year old girl who was just truly evil. She gave a dog a lick of molly one time just to see what would happen, randomly smashed a glass frame against the wall, took 3 Xanax before driving, etc. Just really reckless and scary crap." ~ meganemk
They were both short, stocky dudes.
"My high school JROTC instructors. The senior instructor served in Vietnam on a LRRP (Long Range Reconnaissance Patrol) team. He survived three tours; read up on the LRRP's for a clearer picture. I know he was wounded at various points, and he claimed to have been able to aim a M-79 grenade launcher by sound."
"He retired as a colonel and decided to teach JROTC just to pass the time. The lower ranking instructor was likewise a Vietnam veteran. Green Beret, MACV-SOG, and a founding member of Delta Force. This man, and I have no reason to doubt him (the senior instructor vouched for him) was a participant in the failed attempt to rescue the American hostages held by Iran in the early 1980's."
"He was also on the team that captured Manuel Norigea in Panama. He was likewise teaching JROTC just for something to do. They were both short, stocky dudes. Very clean cut, polite, and well educated and well spoken. And without a doubt in my mind, extraordinarily dangerous men. I wouldn't have crossed either of them." ~ Mr_Metrazol
A Bad Rub
"I worked in maintenance at a resort with three different properties. This one guy got hired at one of them and would occasionally come to our property when we needed help. Something about him just rubbed me the wrong way. He was quiet but when he spoke it was usually a sharp or harsh comment and his did something with his eyes when he was talking to you that made you feel like he was angry about something. Anyway, he ended up breaking into someone's house and shooting them in the face with a .357 magnum." ~ BaconReceptacle
Zero
"The drunk driver the killed my late-S/O. He had zero remorse. He was more upset about getting time for it." ~ Shes_dead_Jim
Thanks Mom...
"The most memorable moment was when I was 7-9 years old, I don't really remember. We were living in Huntington Beach a relatively safe place in So Cal. I was in the front yard playing on our corner lot. We had hedges around our front yard and I was outside of them near the side yard where the backyard fence began."
"I don't recall what I was doing or why I was on the side of the house, but I remember a VW bus going down the end of the cul-de-sac, slowly. For some reason it caught my attention as it looped around the end of the cul-de-sac and I vaguely watched it. My dad, a policeman had instilled onto us situational awareness. I turned my back onto the bus as I heard it speed up."
"I remember turning around and seeing a man half hanging outside the sliding side door. Immediately I ran. I screamed for help, and luckily my mom had just stepped outside to water the plants. Hose in hand, while hearing me scream she shot the hose in my direction."
"I jumped through the hedges as the man leaning out the car door touched my back. He was clearly trying to get me. The water hose threw him off as I tore my way through the bushes. He fell and scrambled back into the car and sped off. To this day I vividly remember the fear, details, and face of that man. Thanks Mom." ~ rchristokes13
The Guy from the Past
"A former friend of mine. He wasn't dangerous at first but he drifted apart from our group and we found out that meth got the best of him. We started seeing him in the news for car theft, robberies, stabbing people, dealing drugs, illegal possession of firearms, and for shooting at cops. His grandfather used to bail him out a lot. I just hope they stopped and kept him behind bars." ~ den1300
The Bad Guy
"My daughter's boyfriend. He almost strangled her to death. The ER said she was seconds away from dying. 😔 He's been in and out of prison over the past 7 years and every time he gets out he hurts another woman and then he's right back in again. I don't know why his sentence isn't longer. Are they waiting for him to actually kill someone? 😠." ~ kre8ive1
The Blind Spot
"I met a hitman once, was a friend of my mum's. She warned me not to approach him from his blind spots cuz he would instinctively lash out. She preceded to get drunk and do just that as a joke, and he slapped her." ~ Dualmilion
Well, this is enough to give me new nightmares. Be careful out there.
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