I battle with depression. I've been doing this dance so long that I wouldn't even know what a fully happy life looks like. But I'm going to try. It's the "try" I've been avoiding for quite some time. So if you empathize with me, know you're not alone.
Career Path
Job GIFGiphy"I really like my job but it doesn't pay well and I'm torn between enjoying my work and making more money."
Talk to someone...
"I think about death all the time, I can't stop. It affects every aspect of my life. I can't find the motivation to do anything or the meaning in anything. Fearful of the future. Afraid of death. Nothing can fix this."
"This is a common sign of depression. Not every depressed person gets suicidal ideation, some of us get a preoccupation with death. Talk to someone. It doesn't have to be like this."
Focus on You
"Never feeling like I'm going to live up to my family's expectations for me."
"You're chasing the end of the rainbow, my friend. Take it from someone who has been running longer than Forrest Gump did."
"I feel you man, I have a super loving family and it hurts so much more knowing that their expectations are really high and I don't have the energy to improve myself."
Bye Kitty
"My cat is dying and I lost my job today. I hope he holds on I'm doing everything I freaking can. I literally told my boss I wanted the job because I need to help my dying cat in the interview. It was a self owned pet store. When she let me go she didn't even blink when I begged her to please not do this my cat will die."
"Some people really suck. I considered paying a homeless person to sh*t on her doorstep since they can just wear a mask. But idk. I started applying to jobs as soon as I got home."
First Steps...
Breathe Out GIF by Carlotta NotaroGiphy"I'm starting to realize how much of an alcoholic I really am."
Nothing
Cry Reaction GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy"I'm just lost. I feel like I have nothing to show for. I've been in the worst depression of my life and I just don't know what to do anymore."
The Bad Dream
"Been interviewing for so long. So many places. I'm waiting for this job I really want bad. I have interviewed 4 times and am waiting for the call. If I don't get it I am trying to tell myself it will be ok but I know I will be crushed."
- Mapbot11
"Didn't even want to code again, but slowly you tell yourself if this is really what you want, then go and get it. You'll be okay even if you don't get it, you'll be sad for a little while but you'll pick yourself up, learn from the errors you did (assuming you get a report of where you didn't perform well) and try again with good preparation. :) Best of luck."
Things That Are Normal Where You Live But Crazy Anywhere Else | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
"back in the day"
"I don't have any friends. I have a beautiful wife, a wonderful daughter, a home, a good job, great relationships with nearby family, I can afford stuff, my life is honestly better than it has ever been. But, between moving a few times, becoming a parent, and covid, I don't think I actually have any friends anymore, at least not in the city I live in. Like I find myself wanting to hang out with people, only to realize... who?"
"It's harder because my wife has this incredible close group of friends who have all know each other their entire lives, and I've made friends with some of them, but it's not the same as someone you have history with. I'm realizing I'll never again kick it with someone who knew me "back in the day" and that makes me think that maybe THOSE weren't really friendships either, or else people would have stuck around. Rambling, sorry."
Pain Killers
"I got into a motorcycle wreck 6 months ago. I've been on Hydros for 6 months. I abuse them daily and take twenty 5/325 MG per day. And now I get 770 pills per month."
"bro taking that much tylenol will destroy your liver and cause immense future pain. if you're going to abuse the hydros lookup how to filter out tylenol."
Scarlett
"I miss my daughter, she died last year. March 30 2020. She was only five months old. I feel her absence with every breath. It actively feels like my heart is breaking everyday, all day. Chest pains won't go away. I wish I was on the moon with my sweet Scarlett June. RIP my darling girl, who was my whole world."
Dear Dad
Season 10 Hug GIF by FriendsGiphy"My dad is dying of pancreatic cancer. There's nothing more his doctors can do to help him. He doesn't have much time left."
Moral of the story? We have some serious self work to do. And the good news is that it's doable. We can overcome. Most of the time... we just have to want to. It's not always going to bright and that is ok. Stay stay calm and move forward.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
