People Share The Absolute Craziest Names They've Ever Come Across
Reddit user Soy_nanami asked: 'What's the ugliest name you've ever come across?'
Naming a child with a unique name can be quite a challenge, but it is one that many people are willing to take on.
However, there are risks involved.
You don't want to come across as unoriginal, but you also don't want to burden the child with a lifetime of mockery and ridicule for a moniker that didn't seem silly at the time of the naming.
While some people succeed at this, others fail miserably and...well, poor child.
Curious to hear of epic name fail, Redditor Soy_nanami asked:
"What's the ugliest name you've ever come across?"
There's a theme going on here.
"My sister has classmates named Pigeon and Beans."
– Abug_sa_Yawa
"Wait, one was Pigeon and another was Beans, or one poor unfortunate soul was Pigeon And Beans?"
– rancidtuna
If The Names Fit
"my sister had classmates in the 5th grade that were Levi, Jean, Denim, and Blu. not so much ugly I guess. but their names together make a sentence. Blu Denim Levi Jeans."
– puppycatisselfish
"The twins. Fly and button."
– 111110001011
It's A Choice
"X Æ A-XII "It's pronounced 'Kyle' ... F'k off Musk"
– The_Evil_Owl
"No, it's 'Ash.'"
https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2020/05/08/musk-grimes-baby-name/
– rdickeyvii
"I thought it was pronounced Sasha but it's anyone's guess."
– Cali_4_nia
These don't roll off the tongue so easily.
Name Fit For A Villain
"My Great, Great Aunt DARTHULA. She hated the name so much she signed her marriage certificate as 'Thuley'. I had a helluva time tracking her down because of this 🤣"
– StevenGaryStout
"Darth ula was the dark Lord of the family, so powerful and so wise, she could even keep the ones she cared about, from Karens."
– ResistRacism
See Ya Later
"Adeusmano."
"I live in south America. This would be something like "Goodbyebro.'"
– Raigheb
Unfortunate Correlation
"Candida (as in Candida Doyle of Pulp). I'm sorry. What a name. Like the genital fungus?"
– samit2heck
"It's rather sad that these Latin-influenced names have these collocations now. It's a pretty cool name, and means 'white' or 'bright.'"
– curmudgeonpl
Getting into NSFW territory.
Oh Myyy
"A guy I know is called Nuttaporn. Nutty for short."
– pantheonofpolyphony
"Porn is very common in Thai names."
– grosselisse
"I've seen quite a few over years in a call centre but Kok Hung Lo was my all time favourite name."
– bigredmidget
Bordering On A Slur
"I served with a guy in the military whose surname is Fagg, you refer to everyone in the military by their surname. You can imagine how that went down."
– Weak-Tap-5831
"Oooh, the military. Last names were sometimes unfortunately hilarious. The two that come to mind immediately are Browneye ('Browneye aye!') and a girl whose last name was Guzzler or Guzzlar (in the Navy, the third enlisted rank’s title was “Seaman”, which everyone in my rate started out as)"
– Game_Changing_Pawn
They Got Around
"Slutt. Prounced slooth."
– Huge-Advantage7838
"How to make sure your kid gets bullied."
– heisl_
"You can’t fix stupid."
– hyperion420
"People will pronounce that however they please."
– SappySoulTaker
Her Dad Was The Worst
"Went to school back in the 90s and 2000s with a girl named Ashely Head. It came to light one day back in jr. High that her dad's name was Richard 'Dick' Head and their number was listed in the phone book. The prank calls came so fast."
– gil_beard
A Little Jarring
"A friend's mum was called Kunti. Maybe it's not ugly but you definitely get a shock when you hear it the first few times."
– Teefdreams
"Kunti is a common name in India. It’s not pronounced Cuhnty. The u is pronounced like the u in Uber."
– Ill-Inspector7980
It wasn't the ugliest name but a friend told me about a guy he knew whose name was Otis.
His surname was Payne.
While I personally think it's a cool name when read together, I'm sure he was subjected to lots of mockery.
So, if you read this Otis Payne, I feel for you for all the ribbing, or "Payne" you must've suffered through.
"Ohhh-dis Payne!"
Staying at a decent hotel can be a luxurious experience–whether it's during a vacation or a business trip.
It's a temporary home away from home, and the change of scenery from the confines of your bedroom at home is like a breath of fresh air.
Curious to hear from hotel employees about the bizarre incidences that have transpired on their watch, Redditor Slider-678 asked:
"Hotel workers, what is your craziest story?"
If you think the cleaning staff is expected to always go above and beyond by doing more than just turning down the bed, you have another think coming.
Why I Quit My Job
"I worked in a decent hotel in college, was the night auditor. One night the police came in and went directly to a room around 2am. They escorted a prostitute out and asked to speak to the manager."
"After they were done speaking with my manager the officer handed me the phone and she told me to go in and clean up the room. I never made beds or did any of that so I wasn't sure exactly what she wanted. I went to the room and there was trash everywhere. There were uncapped syringes, used packages that had contained drugs and general filth everywhere. I called the manager back to tell her that I wasn't touching anything because of the uncapped syringes. They were literally all over the place and I wasn't going to pick up piles of clothes or move blankets."
"The manager said that if I didn't clean the room I was fired. I said fine, you have a half an hour to get here because I am leaving. I was the only one there overnight. As she pulled into the parking lot a short time later I walked over to my car, didn't even wait for her to get inside."
– EntrepreneurNo1145
Slow Attacker
"Working at a luxury hotel, I once got a call to remove a snail from a guests room as it was 'coming after them' and that they were 'afraid for their young child.'”
– Additional-Car2163
Rage is real.
Deescalating Violence
"I worked night shift, and was the only employee in the entire hotel from 11pm to 6am. Around 3 am I get a few calls about a fight in an upstairs hallway. I grab a pair of scissors and tuck it up my sleeve and make my way upstairs to see what is going on. When I get there there are 2 guys having a full on brawl. I'm 6,2 and very broad shouldered, but these guys were taller and ripped as hell."
"As I approached a 3rd guy, just as large as the other 2, comes out of a room with a knife yelling 'get the f'k off him'. I stop a ways away and just shout at them. They all stop immediately and look at me. I'm getting ready to run for it when they all just deflate. Knife guy drops the knife, the others let go of eachother, they all hang their head, and one mumbles 'I'm sorry.' under his breath."
"They looked like a bunch of toddlers who had just gotten caught stealing cookies. I told them they would have to leave right now, or I would call the police, and they all just nodded. They followed me onto the elevator, and spent the whole time apologizing and pouting while I escorted them out. I have never seen a situation go from 100 to 0 so fast."
– Vypernorad
Standoff Over A Girl
"Some guest was in the parking lot, waving a gun around & threatening to shoot up the place, resulting in a tense stand-off with cops for about an hour before they finally took him down (alive). The impetus behind the whole thing? He, his buddy, & the buddy's wife had gone out that night with the intent that the wife was gonna let the gun guy f'k her up the a**, but she got cold feet at the last minute and they locked him out of the room when he got mad. So, yeah, he was so drunk and wanted to tap that a** so badly that he decided to threaten a whole hotel."
– throwtheclownaway20
Kitchen Brawl
"High strung cook had an argument with a-type bistro attendant. It just kept escalating to a pull-apart brawl when a kitchen knife got involved. The pair crashed through the swinging door and was rolling on the carpet when the regional manager just happened to be walking in. Cops were called, I think both got fired or arrested."
– The68Guns
These items left behind by former hotel room occupants are not your everyday pick of the litter.
The New Employee
"I have a friend that owns a small motel just off a highway. I would hang out with him and chat on some late nights. One night, he got a call that one of the guest heard a loud crash in the room next door. Checked the computer and saw that the room was unoccupied. Friend and I go to check it out. We knock and there is no answer. He opens the door and there was a cat in the room."
"It knocked over a lamp and smashed it. It was super friendly and came right to us. We took it back to the office and looked at the room records. The prior person that was in the room abandoned the cat when he checked out three days earlier. He was already on the other side of the country when we called him, and he said he was not coming back for the cat."
"My friend took ownership of the cat and now she is the motel cat. She walks all around the property and takes care of any mice or critters. She even has her picture on the wall as one of the 'employees'. Not sure why the maid service did not see it when the room was being cleaned. We think that the vacuum scared the cat and she hid somewhere. Still was a dick move of the old owner to leave the cat behind."
– mrsheikh
"Someone left their boa at ours. Who knows where it was hiding when the housekeepers cleaned the room, but when the next guests checked in and crawled into the bed, it was under the pillows. It scared them SO bad. We had to call animal control to come get it."
– bittyitty
Is It Alive?
"Found one of those black fuzzy caterpillars in a room. I carried it outside, oh so carefully not to lose it. Put it down on sidewalk and it didn't move. I picked it back up to make sure it was alive and realized it was someone's fake eye lash."
– Love-Dizzy
People are wild.
A Whiff Of Senior Sex
"When I was 15 I was a bus boy at a local resort (Little America, Cheyenne, WY). Occasionally, the restaurant I worked in would ask one of the bus staff to deliver room service to one of the rooms, they always asked male staff for safety reasons."
"On one occasion I was asked to deliver a tray to a room. I took the tray to the room and a scantily clad woman answered the door. I never went in the room but could see there were about 8-9 men and woman in their 60’s-70’s (almost all of them nude) in the room. . . even at 15 I knew the room smelled like sex. I remember I was tipped well."
"Went back to work, no one ever asked how things went and I never really mentioned it to anyone because I didn’t think anyone would believe me."
– wyoflyboy68
Ask And Ye Shall Recieve
"Probably not the best story to share on politically-correct Reddit, but I also worked room service in my late teens. There was a female waitress in the restaurant that constantly complained about the males-only policy for room service. After weeks of being chewed on, the hotel manager finally relented and let her carry every other order. She lasted 2 weeks before she said no more and quit doing room service."
"I saw my fair share of sexcapades, but she was getting the full-frontal nude creepers ordering one drink at a time. Poor girl wasn't prepared for all of that. This would have been late 1980's."
– PantherChicken
Sure, a getaway in a nice hotel is always something to look forward to.
But based on some of these stories, ignorance is bliss.
That doesn't keep me from peeling off the bed covers that are presumably never washed and keeping my shoes on in the rooms I've booked for vacations.
After all, who knows what remains trapped in all of the fabrics and draperies?
If only hotel walls could speak.
When it comes to naming children, there are all kinds of different approaches.
Some parents like to honor the legacy of a late relative, while there are those who prefer naming their baby after a revered fictional character–"Luke" (Skywalker) being one of them.
But let's be honest. Baby naming can get way out of hand, and it's the child who becomes a victim by having to live with a name they might get teased for...like "Blanket."
Curious to hear examples of what some of those might be, Redditor Sarah_Trekkie asked:
"What are some of the craziest baby names you’ve personally been witness to?"
Pity these children with these unfortunate names.
The Three Hs
"Well they weren't babies, but at the summer camp where I worked this summer. 3 brothers: Honor, Heritage, and believe it or not, Henceforth. I felt a little bad for those kids."
– fabook
It's Satisfying
"The manager at a shop near me is named Goodenough."
– Pagan-za
In Case You Missed It A Second Time
"Coworker grew up with a girl named Kelly Kelly Kelly."
– Jimbo---
Metal Head
"Jam Metallica for a baby girl."
– wordofmouthrevisited
S'No Joke
"Sno White, 9th grade classmate."
– cmac1425
Drugs and babies just shouldn't mix.
Pharma Baby
"I work in child welfare and it’s actually more common than you would think for someone to name their child after a drug or strand of drug they were using at the time. So with that information, MF Pitbull and Knucklehead were the two that I saw that were pretty bad. Another sad fact is when a child is immediately removed from a family (they have already been proven not to be fit parents) they’ll give them the name Baby Boy/Girl or Infant until they’re adopted."
"Edit: at the time = time of conception"
"Edit edit: 'they' as in the nursing staff, the birth parents often aren’t coherent enough or don’t care to give a name."
– spacecowboy203
Out With The Old In With The New
"I summer nannied for two kids, siblings who had been adopted by a wonderful woman who immediately changed their given names, which were Crystal and Rocky."
"Edited to add that both babies were born addicted to meth. Forgot that little nugget."
– checkitbec
It's A Choice
"Went to school with a guy named cedar and his last name was post. I always wonder what his parents were thinking."
– jellyschoomarm
It gets worse.
Going By A Gender
"Boy. True story."
– _mybloodyvalentine
What A Pair
"Noodles and papoose."
"I heard these 2 magical names uttered in a single sentence by a woman. 'Noodles! Put papoose down!'"
– MrScribz
Fantasy Household
"Thunderbird, Winter Star, Rainbow, Baby Girl."
"Culturally not that weird, but day to day life outside of the Rez, strong names to live with."
– ghastlyglittering
How Super
"I met a young man named Jor-El."
"Yes, as in Jor-El, father of Kal-El who became Superman on Earth."
– CowboySpencer
Copy That?
"Xerox."
– hand-pic-appreciator
"Were they a clone?"
– jonsconspiracy
"Nah, just a carbon copy."
– iamevilcupcake
The Pressure Is On
"I was at the park with my nephew last week and a woman started calling for her son to get off the swings. His name was Messiah. That seems like a lot to live up to!"
– BatmansKhaleesi
Getting Royal
"King and his brother Prince."
– Shynerbock12
Raising Alarm
"My friend's sister, named her twins Danger and Fury."
– domestic_omnom
Naming Or Labeling
"These girls at my Korean church were named one and two in Korean. It wasn’t that bad since they went to school here but any time a Korean person heard it it was like wtf."
– Kimchiandfries
I would have to say one of the craziest names I've heard of was Otis Payne.
The names individually are actually pretty cool, but when you slap them together and say the full name, well, I can only imagine the amount of jokes this person had to endure.
He probably lost track of the number of times they saw someone doubling over in fake distress–clenching at a problematic part of their body–and saying his full name in jest.
We get it, we get it, "Oh this pain!"
Poor guy...
*The following article contains discussion of suicide/self-harm.
Many of us strive to do better in life and be the best versions of ourselves.
At least that's the hope since there is always room for improvement for the good of humanity.
But in order to take the necessary steps, we must first acknowledge our missteps and learn from them.
And sometimes, in spite of our best intentions, life can deal to us unexpected blows, and it's up to us to rise above it all.
Curious to hear about life experiences from strangers, Redditor MikBrasil asked:
"People of Reddit, what is the situation that you thought to yourself 'Yeah, this is my all-time low?'"
A series of bad life choices and circumstances led people to experiences their biggest regrets.
Nowhere To Go But Up
"Last year my mental health finally hit rock bottom. I was over my marriage, I hate being in the military, and I had little to no interest in anything. I drank heavily for about a month. I’m talkin whole handles in a day."
"One of those nights I planned to take my life. I was going to write out my note to the family and sit in my shower, bathroom door locked, and blow my brains out. I got as far as putting the barrel in my mouth but I was the only one with my kids and I couldn’t bring myself to do it."
"Next day I had a psychiatric appointment and told them about my struggles and my plans to kill myself. They shipped me off to a mental health program for military members. I was there for two months going thru therapy, processing my traumas, and learning all of the science behind mental health."
"During that time my wife left me for another man, moved out of our home, and I had no idea until I got out and returned to an empty home. I think that time of my life and really that moment after I got home to an empty house, after working my a** off to better my mental health, definitely was the lowest point of my life."
"But on the bright side a year later I’m a lot happier. There’s no where to go but up once you hit that all time low."
– Manonthemoonxv
A Family Problem
"When I went to my ex-wife’s parents to plead for help dealing with their gambling addicted daughter. Poured my guts out explaining that if we didn’t get help for her soon we’d lose the only house our 3 sons have ever known. Over the last year we were together I stopped counting her loses once I hit $100k. Casino apps are no joke."
"Anyway, her parents explained they had no idea en would step in asap. 2 weeks later my ex and her family got together over the weekend. They didn’t tell me anything other than keep an eye on the boys. No problem, figured it was an intervention."
"Nope. They all went to the casino together. I filed 2 months later after realizing I could secure the house for my kids."
– andS0NS
A Dark And Lonely Period
"For me it was the time I invested my money, my time and lost my relationship for an agency I built with my best friend. That was a solid 3 years then he(my bestfriend) took all our clients and team and made a new agency and left me with all the debts and misery. Yep that was my All time low, no love-life, no money, no work, and disappointed my family. fast forward 3 years, Almost done paying my debts, created a new team, new clients, but it was a hard 3 years to do it all by myself."
– stevedeleon1991
For some, it doesn't get any lower than body image and body functions.
Health Problem
"When I got in my car and my gut was so big that even with the seat as far back as it could go, it would dig into the steering wheel. I had to suck in my gut before making turns."
"Heaviest i'd been in my life. 100 lbs down from that weight though. Still going strong."
– ThatoneguyTonight
Mudslide
"When I had been on a 3 day party trip and was going back to my apartment on the train. Started to sweat like mad and my stomach did NOT feel good. Tried to waddle myself home like a penguin, clenching my buttcheeks all the way. About 200m from my apartment building it didn’t work anymore and I sh*t my pants."
"Had to then sh*t the rest out on the pavement, and get home asap. I don’t think you could even measure the level of shame, anxiety and stupidity I felt at that time"
– manwithtubeinhishead
People who struggled with addiction shared their stories.
Publicly Embarrassed
"The amount of times I a grown woman have peed myself in public, drunk is insane. Anyway, I'm two weeks sober today and never touching the sh*t again in my life. Here's to you doing better too. You got this, my boy."
– IreallEwannasay
Faced With Ultimatum
"I was at work, still drunk from the night before. I was starting to panic realizing that I would have a client in my office in a half hour and I looked like sh*t and felt worse."
"The kicker? I worked in a drug and alcohol treatment center. I was the financial person and did the intake process with every client before they went to see their counselor."
"I ended up going to my boss, fessing up, admitting that I had a problem and being told that I needed to get help or I’d have to be let go. I was faced with losing my job, which would lead to losing my home and probably custody of my child. I realized I was on the path to becoming my father and stepmother and I did NOT want that. I had to make a choice and my whole life hinged on that choice."
"I’ve been sober over 17 years now."
– FairyDustSailor
Regretful Trade
"I pawned my wedding ring to get money to feed my pill addiction. It opened my eyes though and I ended up cleaning up after a few more months and getting my ring back. My wife worked her ass off to buy me that ring and I was such an addicted piece of sh*t that I pawned it for a fix. Glad that moment finally woke me up though. 11 years clean now."
– 1980pzx
Keeping Inventory
"When I think to myself 'do I have enough alcohol to get myself through the weekend?' and buy a bottle of Vodka just in case. Then spending the weekend feeling like sh*t and hating myself wondering why I'm not happy."
"Negative feedback loops exist and are a b*tch. If you get remove yourself from it for 2 weeks, I promise you'll get better."
"Edit: it's a positive feedback loop, even though the experience is negative. It builds on itself."
– YargainBargain
These Redditors didn't plan to end up where they found themselves.
The Accident Survivor
"Woke up with a tube down my throat, brace around my neck, cuts and bruises everywhere, unable to move with two cops right above me. I had to sit there while they explained to me I was hit by a driver who ran a light. I had to drop out of school for a year, lost my job and was in/out of treatments for over a year."
"All because of someone’s stupid decision."
"Edit: should have mentioned this, I wasn’t in a car. I was crossing a well lite crosswalk. And yes, I waited until the sign turned green and looked around for cars, still wasn’t enough to save me."
– BranwenTheRiveter
Living Conditions
"When I rented a 'room' in a house, and it was the 4’ x 7’ floor space behind a home basement bar, you could smell the dead rats in the wall."
– Canary_Trap
Rude Awakening
"Psych ward. I remember waking up and thinking 'I never thought I'd see this day.'"
– IntrepidMage
The incidents these Redditors experienced were beyond their control.
Devastating Discovery
"The day I found my fiance dead in her tub after having a seizure. It has been a little over a year now and I'm definitely doing better, but I don't think I'll ever have the happiness that i used to have."
– krummysunshine
Commiserating
"My brother died suddenly from a seizure, it still cuts deep. Her love for you will still be there, it will help you through the dark times too. When you’re ready to open your heart again, she will be happy for you. Remember she wouldn’t want you to be sad or alone. Big hugs x"
– heidivodka
Unfortunately, for many people, their life's wake-up call to do better doesn't come until they've scraped the bottom of the barrel.
Hopefully, those at their lowest lows can recognize the signs that will encourage them to get out of the rut.
They may not know it, but there is always someone caring enough to help guide them out of the darkness.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
Kids are wild.
If you don't think kids are wild, it's because you clearly haven't spent any real time around them or they're not comfortable enough to be themselves around you, yet. They're still putting up a front.
Catch them when they're relaxed and in their natural state - then they start talking and almost without fail, tiny humans are absolutely bananas. It might just be the best thing about them.
Reddit user Deepanjon asked:
"What's the craziest thing a child has ever asked you?"
Don't take my word for it, lets gather evidence from these fine folks.
When You Were Young
Getting Old 30 Rock GIFGiphy" 'When you were a kid, did they even have electricity? Or is that new to you?' ”
"I’m 22???????"
- injury_minded
"My granddaughter asked me 'Was there color when you were younger?' ”
" 'Ummmm yes there has always been color.' "
"I died. It was so innocent. I love that kid."
- FlaOwlLover88
"My 5 year old asked me if we had rocks when I was a kid."
- vonMishka
Catloaf
"Dumb, but truly adorable."
"I got a new kitten and was taking him to the vet. He was sitting in the loaf cat position with his feet tucked all up under him in his cat carrier."
"Little girl comes up to me with a look of genuine concern."
“ 'Hello, excuse me, I’ve never had a cat, I just have a dog (points over at her dog at the vet) and I just wanted to know if you brought the cat to the vet because he doesn’t have any feet?' ”
"I picked him up and she saw his feet and was SO RELIEVED."
- sensualsqueaky
Verbal Decimation
"I was verbally decimated by a 9 year old. ZERO comeback."
"I was hanging out in my friends garage and his daughter came out from the house, and told me that I looked just like her teacher."
"I responded, 'Man, Your teacher must be a very handsome guy!' "
"She responded "Well no, she's pregnant. Are you pregnant too?' "
"WTF! That was a perfect burn. ZERO comebacks."
"My friend was laughing his @ss off."
- CodeBluePools
Why Grandma's Not Dead
"My three year old nephew asked me how old his great grandmother is. I told him she’s 94."
"He asked why she hasn’t died yet!"
"Thankfully she, like a lot of old people, has a sense of humour about her mortality. When we moved this grandma out of her house, I was carrying a box down the driveway and she walked next to me saying:"
" 'Thank you dear. This is my last move. Next time I'll be in the box.' "
"She was also friends with the retired head of the classics department at the local university, and I was a classics major so I liked visiting him from time to time. In the last year of his life he lived in a care facility."
"Whenever I was leaving he'd say 'It's always nice of you to come visit us folks here in the departures lounge.' "
- asoiahats
Jesus The Homie
family guy jesus GIFGiphy"It wasn’t me, but my daughter."
"She was 4 when she met my grandmother, who was 68 at the time. By far the oldest person my daughter had ever met."
"Without missing a beat she turns to my grandmother and says.. 'Was Jesus friendly in person?' Lol."
- bellabbr
#28 Doesn't Always Work
"Not me, but my wife, who is Black."
"Kid: 'Your skin is so dark. Does it wash off?' "
"Wife: 'No baby, this is tanning shade #28. You've only got shade #3.' "
'Kid ran too his mom and said he wanted to go outside and get a #28."
- BigdoggyTN
"My toddler asked me why I was part black. (We are both very white.)"
"I asked her to clarify and she pointed to a mole on my arm and said:"
" 'Your skin tried to be black right there but it didn't work for your whole body.' "
- NeedsMoreTuba
Playing Games
"Because I'm a 27-year-old man who is 4 feet tall and has disproportionate dwarfism, I get a lot of funny/weird child encounters as they try to figure out who I am."
"One of my favourite interactions occurred when I was waiting for a friend who had gone to the restroom in a shopping centre."
"I was going about my business when I spotted a young girl, perhaps about eight years old and already taller than me, peering at me from a few yards away. I didn't think much of it (things like this happen all the time), so I just smiled to myself and kept her in my peripheral view."
"I was caught aback as she stormed directly towards me, an irritated expression on her face:"
" 'I know you're not an adult,' she stated when she got to me. 'Stop playing games!' Just as her embarrassed father raced up behind her and yanked her away; extensively apologizing to me."
"I was taken aback, and then I burst out laughing. I'm going to have to work on my disguise..."
- bonniejfox
The Old People Conundrum
Michael Cohen Yes GIFGiphy"When I was little I remember asking my grandma:"
" 'Are old people smart because they're so old they've had time to learn everything, or are they stupid because they've had a lot of time to forget everything?' "
"She laughed in my face. I thought it was a legitimate question."
- Adelmas
"The answer is 'yes.' "
- scalablecory
During The Diaper Changes
"I work in childcare, mostly with very young children."
"While a coworker was changing a 2-almost-3s poopy diaper (there’s always another certified adult within seeing/hearing range while doing diaper changes or any other more delicate things; child abuse prevention measures!) I hear him say 'ow!' ”
"Coworker says 'I’m so sorry, I have to get the poopy off your little penis so it doesn’t get a rash! Would you like to take a wipe and help?' ”
"And the child responds 'No Ms, not little penis, BIG penis!' ”
"He asked me after he came out from the bathroom: 'I have a big penis right? Right?' ”
"100% told mom about it and she was howling with laughter. Sounds like he’s been hanging out with his older brothers or something!"
"Also my response to him was: 'oh, I’m taller than you, so you are just small to me! Like your hands are smaller than mine!' "
- immabadit
"My 3 year old boy, completely out of the blue while changing his diaper: 'I have BIG peepee!' Heavy emphasis on BIG."
- VisionsOfTheMind
Candy-Colored Gnome
" 'Are you real?' ”
"I was working at a movie theatre, and at the time had pink and blue hair. Also I am just over 5’ and have been told I look like a cartoon character."
"I think the kid had just fallen asleep during a movie and was kinda groggy, then this little candy-colored gnome with a broom walks by and she just needed to check."
- DelsMagicFishies
Point proven, but we're not done yet.
Lets turn it over to the comments, shall we? Tell us the kid-est thing a kid has ever said to you, let's expose them for magnificently hilarious little beasts they are.
Kids are amazing.
Birds and the bees, attack
"We’ve talked about sex with my 11 & 12yo kids relatively openly over the past few years. Told them to ask me anything, anytime, and I’ll give them a straight answer. And then one day over dinner, 'When was the last time you and dad had sex?' For the sake of the children’s future imaginings, 'That’s something I can’t answer'."
" I think they thought I just couldn’t remember, so my then 9yo said to the one who asked, 'Duh! 9 years ago, and then I was born.' Yep, uh-huh, that’s right, kiddo'."
-Gantzish
"My sister's 9yo got the talk and said, 'Do you and Daddy have sex?' 'Yes.' 'Oh. ... Where?' She didn't know how to answer that one lol"
-floorwantshugs
Add it to the will
" 'Can I have your tv when you die'."I had just bought a big new tv and my cousin was over. I has 23 at the time, but kids being kids, see anything over 20 as ancient lol"
-Papa_Smurf87
"My 6 year old asked me the other day if we could have my parents' house when they die. Except instead of just saying 'die', he said 'When they, you know, slides finger across his throat DIE'."
I was like dude, that's hella morbid. Freakin kid says 'What?? We've all gotta go some day!'."
-Platypus211
"Remember it and include it in your will someday."
-Pokabrows
Telepathically
web series comedy GIFGiphy"6-year-old kid: 'Hey, watch this!' "
"blank stare for something like 10 seconds"
"Kid: 'Guess what?' "
"Me, bewildered: 'What?' "
"Kid: 'I was talking to you inside my head!' "
-maleorderbride
"I did this to people when I was a kid lmao"
-Cambuhbam
"I remember when I discovered what thinking was"
-genZhippie
You will help me!
"To wipe their butt while already bending over holding their butt cheeks open. Incredibly uncomfortable at a childrens birthday party especially since I was newly dating the person who brought me to it and this child’s parents were nowhere to be seen"
-BellJar_Blues
"Omg. Children have no shame! Do they need help with something? Are you an adult nearby? Then I'm asking you!"
"I volunteered at my daughter's class back when she was in kindergarten. Despite the room always having 2-3 staff member adults, the number of kids who came up and asked me to do things for them was astounding. Most of them had no idea who I even was."
" 'Can you tie my shoes?' 'Can you put my hair in a ponytail?' 'Will you clean up my mess for me?' 'Will you help me dig this hole?' 'Will you help me go the the bathroom?' Said no to that one."
"On the bright side, every one of them was polite, even the more rambunctious ones."
-Wonderful-Custard-47
Mmm eyeballs.
season 8 episode 10 GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy"Asscrack of dawn, startled awake by a toddler hovering an inch over my face. Oh, is she going for a kiss? Nope. 'Mama, I want to eat your eyes?'."
"When I declined, she elaborated reasons including: they're beautiful, I think they'd be goopy, and I bet they taste salty. Was then quite upset that I would not let her 'even have just a taste'."
-InannasPocket
"Maybe you're well past this stage now, but I really feel like this should be leveraged any time she doesn't want to try a food for the first time"
"Something like 'you know, it's probably yummier than my eyes'."
-schmiggen
How does THAT work?
"I'm pregnant and my 9 year old daughter asked how the baby got there. I tell her the mechanics of it. She asks a few questions and then says 'wait, does that mean S/O did that to you?!' I said yeah. 'Wow, that's weird mom'."
-brunette_mermaid93
"Also pregnant, and my 4 yr old is very interested in how the baby gets out."
"'I'll go to the hospital and the doctor will help the baby out' worked for a little bit, but now he wants specifics."
-toocoolforgruel
Dad jokes.
Cute Dog Wearing Doctor Costume GIF by ViralHogGiphy"A little girl (possibly between the ages of 5 and 8) When I informed her my service dog was working (I'm horrible at ages), she asked me what I meant. I told her that he informs me when I'm sick.
" 'Oh, so he's your dog-tor!' says the narrator.
"To be honest, it's also a pretty telling sentence for that girl's future."
-maryjgilbert
"She’s gonna be a dad!"
-saviorofworms
if the aim is good...
"When I had my middle child, I called the eldest at his grandparents to tell them that the baby was born. He asked to tell him the story. I gave him an age appropriate version that mom's water had broken, we we went to the hospital and with the doctors help she came out. He went silent for a minute then asked 'Why didn't you let me use my slingshot to break your water balloon?'"
-imnotaloneyouare
"It's a good question. Why didn't you?"
-RolyPoly1320
Mammals Ice cream.
Thinking Reaction GIFGiphy"Actual conversation: 'Cows are mammals and they make milk, right?' "
"Me: Yes"
"Kid: Ice cream is made from milk, right?”
"Me: Yup”
"Kid: If walruses are mammals, too, how come we don’t have walrus ice cream?”
"Me: …………….”
-_Thosearentpillows
"I mean, my city has an ice cream place called Walrus Ice Cream, so technically we do..."
-only-if-there-is-pie
"Lol loosely related but I worked at an elementary school for awhile. One of my students had a book of drawings. She proudly showed me them."
"They were all caricatures of people as walruses. Ironman walrus. Jack sparrow walrus. Elsa walrus. It made my day, one of the funniest and most creative things I had seen."
-TurbulentLily
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