I get it guys....
Season 23 Episode 10 GIF by South ParkGiphyNot a cop but a buddy of mine is and he likes to tell a story about a guy who flipped his car over on I-75 going through Detroit.
Apparently the guy was wasted, looked like he hadn't bathed in weeks, the car was totaled, there were beer cans strewn all over the highway, and while the various officers who responded were debating over who had to take custody of this wreck of a human being he walked up to them and said "Hey guys, I totally understand if you just want to let me go."
Just a small 10 officer...
Not a police officer and not my story, but funny....
From the law firm partner who trained me:
Client is driving home from a court hearing 2 hours away with attorney in passenger seat. Gets stopped for doing 10-15 over the limit on freeway. Cop approaches and client opens with:
"Officer, I'm terribly sorry, I was speeding, probably 10 miles over the limit, you can write me a ticket if you need to, but please do it quickly ... you see, I have my attorney in the car and he's charging me $400/hour until I drop him off..."
Cop said it was the best excuse he'd heard in months, told him to slow down, and get home safely, but let them off with no ticket or write-up.
Such a Turd
Not a cop but my crap-moblie broke so was borrowing my mom's Lexus. Cruising along see police lights, look back at speedometer I'm pushing 80 on a road that is normally a 45 so just pull over. Cop finally catches up goes through the whole ordeal paperwork, do you know why I pulled you over?
Etc. Explain that it's my mom's car and I'm not used to something that can get out of its own way and apologize for going so fast. Describe my car to him and he just laughs, says he has seen it around town before and commented on how it was such a turd. Let me go with a verbal warning.
Oh Grandma....
Old Lady Dancing GIF by MattielGiphyMy friend's 70-year-old mother got pulled over for not wearing a seatbelt. She told the cop she just got breast implants and the doctor advised her against seatbelt use until she healed. Cop let her go.
I Gotta Pee Yo!
I got pulled over when I was 39 weeks pregnant because I didn't signal while turning into a gas station at 2 am.
I was going to pickup a friend who needed a ride and a place to sleep, but baby shifted and I was 10 seconds away from peeing my pants.
I was already unbuckled and leaving the car.
I yelled at him he could give me any ticket he wanted but I have to pee first as a waddled as fast as I could into the gas station.
When I got back he was just standing there looking awkward, asked if I felt better, told me to remember my signal and left.
Thanks, Dad...
Not a cop, but I had one laugh in my face when I was 19 and got caught speeding.
I was doing 75 on the highway at night, in an area that has signs that indicate the speed limit is 70 during the day but 60 at night.
I legitimately didn't know I was speeding because of of this incident when I was a kid... my dad was kind of a speed demon, and I was a snitch of a kid. One night on this same stretch of highway I looked over and saw him driving about 80, and I pointed out that the sign said the speed limit was 60 at night.
My dad told me, not missing a beat, "That rule only applies to 18-wheelers." And I believed him.
10+ years later, this cop pulled me over and pointed out the lower speed limit at night, and I looked him dead in the eye and said, "My dad told me that only applies to trucks?" The cop started laughing. My genuine confusion (and embarrassment) apparently convinced him, though, because he didn't write a ticket.
Thanks, dad.
Back off.....
I'm not a cop but I said something stupid to one and actually got out of a ticket.
It was at night on the highway, one lane due to construction and I was going the speed limit. Some butthole decided to tailgate me pretty bad, as in I couldn't even see their headlight. I sped up and they did as well.
By the time construction ended we were going 90-100mph, I tuned of to my exit and Mr butthole was still following me. Slowing down to stop and blue lights light up.
I told him I thought he was just some fool tailgating me or something, I got chewed out and he left. I never got a ticket.
Haha... got me...
Tom Cruise Smile GIFGiphyMy boyfriend's dad got pulled over once for speeding. The officer said he clocked him going 50mph.
"But officer I was only going 45!!" "Sir this roads limit is 35.."
Needless to say he got a ticket.
The Escort
A friend was given court documents that needed to be presented to judge 200 miles away to stop a deportation that night. Not only did he not get a ticket, the police escorted him and contacted the force in the next county so the escort continued until he got there. At one point he couldn't keep up with them because they were driving too fast for him.
ETA thank you for the awards and up votes.
Leaking....
shots fired lol GIF by Jonas MosessonGiphyA colleague of mine loved to tell how she was pulled over for speeding. She explained to cop she panicked because she began leaking milk and wanted to get home quick to clean and collect (she just had a baby). Cop had an horrified reaction and let her go.
It's not accurate
Was riding with a friend of mine one night on the maiden voyage after he installed a V8 in his Pontiac Fiero Got pulled over and the cop walked up and says " I stopped you because I clocked you doing 76 in a 55"
Buddy says "you should get that radar thing checked, it's not accurate "
Cops says "we calibrate it twice per shift etc etc " Buddy says "no, you don't understand, if it says we were doing 76, it's not working right, cause we were doing just over a hundred"
Cop fell over laughing, said he's been a cop for 17 years and no one has ever argued that they were going faster than he clocked them, and wrote a warning.
I got nabbed for blowing a stop sign, that was in the middle of nowhere and you could see both directions for miles, Cop was upset and says "you're driving an 18 wheeler and just ran that stop sign, what have you got to say for yourself ?"
"All I can say is that it was pretty stupid to run a stop sign in front of you.
Dude wrote me a warning for not lying and saying I didn't run it.
Lead foot
When I was in Driver Ed 30+ years ago, a cop came to class one day to discuss driving safety. At the end he mentioned some of his favorite excuses for speeding, such as "I'm wearing my heavy shoes today" and "I just left the car wash and drove fast to dry it off."
Jason Bourne
Kind of the opposite, but I once had a cop once pull me over for speeding, and he asked me if I had any decent reason at all why I was speeding. The way he said it, it seemed he didn't really want to give me a ticket.
All of my pre-planned excuses went out the window and I kind of stammered "Uh, no...no good reason." I certainly didn't expect a get out of jail free card (so to speak), so he knocked it down to the minimum and gave me the ticket. He actually seemed disappointed in me, lol.
At the time, I couldn't understand why he was so generous. But I found out later that when my plates got run, it came up that I had a Restricted Carry Permit for firearms. I was an armored car guard at the time and where I live the only people that get those carry permits are guards and trappers, who live way up north. Given that I had the permit, it was obvious to him that I was a somewhat law-abiding citizen, besides driving like Jason Bourne in a car chase. I was let off for speeding all the time when working, but that is a different set of circumstances.
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Untied.
GiphyMy nephew when he was like 7 used to always drop to his shoes and quickly tie them whenever he saw me. Apparently my sister in law told him that it's illegal to have your shoes untied. brittkay83
Hey Uncle.
I was at a traffic light, waiting to cross and I saw this lady with her young son across the street. The kid was running around yelling and generally not listening to his mum.
As I crossed the street I heard the mother say "IF YOU DON'T BEHAVE I'LL ASK THE POLICE UNCLE (Uncle?? Lady, i'm like 23.) TO CATCH YOU. Look! He's here already!"
Kid stops dead in his tracks, looks at me, wordlessly bursts into tears and starts hugging his mother's leg.
Mother gives me an apologetic smile. I'm trying not to giggle as I walk on. fuyuame
Emptied....
My dad and I both work for the same PD, this is his story not mine. The shift before he had a guy detained for misdemeanor warrants or something. Some junkie comes walking down the road, sees the flashing lights and a cop next to a open back door.
He empties his pockets dumping a pipe, needles, and 5 grams of meth on the hood of his patrol car. He then spreads his legs and puts his hands on the car. My dad was shocked, let the other guy in the back go and took in the guy who just handed over his meth. Apparently not sleeping for 3 days makes you paranoid. Birdyy2
Seeing Red.
One day I was headed to my station at the end of shift (meaning I stare straight ahead and avoid getting any paperwork to make me stay late) I happened to be behind the same car for maybe 2 miles on the same road. We're sitting at a red light and out of nowhere this dude runs it.
Everyone at the intersection looks at me so of course I stop the dude. Make contact and he can barely hand me his license he's shaking so bad from being nervous. Ask why he's so scared and he says he saw me behind him and he's on diversion... For running a red light. Also ends up having weed in the car. brentpepe
Oh fuuudddgggeee......
GiphyWhere I work it is illegal to walk around in public with open liquor. At the time I was on patrol and driving a Crown Vic. As I was going down the street a guy must have thought I was a taxi cab and he tried hailing me with an open can of beer. Once he realized I was a police officer he looked just like Ralphy from a Christmas Story. "Oh fuuudddgggeee." I was laughing so hard I didn't have the heart to give him a ticket. One-Eyed-Willies
People Explain Activities They've Added To Their Post-Pandemic Bucket List | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
While we've all been cooped up for the better part of two years, many of us have been dreaming up exciting plans for the future. Maybe it's finally time to s..."fair enough"
This question reminds me of an experience I had as a kid. My friend (who was black, probably plays a role into how things panned out) was interested in becoming a DJ so he invested a lot of money into amps, turntables, subwoofers, etc. He used the same equipment in his car as he did with his turntables, and just powered them off a 12v power supply when using them outside his car. Well we're sitting in his back yard, and he's messing around with the turntables, when a cop car just pulls up all slow.
The back yard was separated from the alley by just a chain link fence. The cop in a suspicious voice says "Hey, do you have a receipt for all that equipment?" and without missing a beat my friend claps back with "Do you have a receipt for those shoes you're wearing?" And the cop just kind of nods as if to say "fair enough" and gets back in the car and leaves. m31td0wn
Be Peaceful....
One time we had a shirtless man enter the lobby of the jail yelling he was a DEA agent. We was demanding that we release two inmates to him (his girlfriend and friend). After he was in cuffs it turned out the two people he was after had already been released the day before. When we ran his name, he had a felony warrant for impersonating a peace officer. :) Joe21821
Hat Lost.
I'm not an officer, but one lovely summer day in downtown Seattle, my children and me were wandering around at Pike Place Market, riding the monorail, etc. They were roughly four and five at the time.
A street artist had made my daughter a balloon "crown" with a big flower poking out the top. She was wearing it on her head when we passed by an alley and it blew off into the street. It exploded piece by piece, with each piece echoing down the street like a gunshot.
Two street officers and two mounted officers (on horses) were there in the blink of an eye. They saw the balloon parts, and realized what had happened. My daughter was crying, the officers were shaken but laughing, and this, being Seattle,(Latte Land) prompted one officer to say that we owed them all a coffee.
My daughter was sad to lose her "hat", but the mounted officers let my children pet the horses, so everything worked out fine. Ghost_of_a_Black_Cat
Staring Out.
I frequent a tavern in my city. A cop stops by every now and then for dinner to go and chills in his squad car for a couple minutes waiting for staff to walk the food out since he doesn't want to make patrons nervous. I was out smoking and there he is patiently waiting out back. Another patron walks out and stops dead in his tracks when he sees the idling cop car. He stares for a couple seconds, spins around and walks back inside. Had me dying for a minute. C3P_Yo
Plenty of people did get caught, though. And they got caught with really weird stuff.
But nearly as strange as the items themselves are the absurd means police officers have to use to save them in the evidence room. Not everything fits in a zip lock bag. Actually, most things certainly do not.
u/carlos_6m asked, "Police officers of Reddit: when collecting evidence, what has been the biggest moment of 'how the hell is this bagged for evidence?'''
At Least it's Got FM
A dash for an early 90s Honda Civic. It wasn't bagged. It was brought in as is.
"Drive Slow, Those are Antiques"
Im not a cop but me and a friend got caught with 3 bongs in his car once. One was about 6in one was about a foot tall and the 3rd was about 4 feet tall. The biggest one they put in a bag, then put a bag over the top and it still had about a foot in the middle uncovered. Was quite comical to see them lined up on the trunk.
A Feat of Engineering
Definitely the improv spear from last week. Guy shanked his brother in law with a kitchen knife duct taped to a 1.5 metre long wooden pole... which also had razorblades embedded in it, cuz why not
GiphyHere's Hoping it Didn't Have a Bad Wheel
Shopping cart overfilled with items. Trash bagged the top to keep items in place, On night shift, late at night had trainee hold onto cart out of the passenger window and slow rolled to department, swapped between that and him pushing it while I followed behind him both with back emergency lights on.
GiphyBag EVERYTHING
I was an evidence clerk for a few years. Each morning, myself and the evidence officer would go though the night's submissions to enter them in the computer with their matching case number.
He picked up one item, opened it up, and immediately jumped out of his chair screaming. I jumped up and ran, too. When an officer runs, run!
He was super angry, and went stomping down the hall to the sergeant's office. I tagged along and learned that item was a large sex toy - recovered from inside a male arrestee. That man had apparently been driving along, when he was stopped for an infraction. He was acting nervous, so the arresting officer had him exit the vehicle for a search. This item was discovered protruding from his backside.
A Slight Privacy Breach
There were the weirdly sticky love crayon artworks a 15 year old made for her 25 year old boyfriend
Going Out With a Bang
I think my colleague recently came across someone who had stole all the xmas chocolate from local supermarkets and there were tubs upon tubs of roses and quality street chocs it literally filled the evidence room.
GiphyNo Problem at All
I sent a massive statue for fingerprinting in its custom packing crate, it was easy; we just needed forklift and truck ... and plenty of help.
"Excuse Me, Sergeant, But Where is the Stable?"
I've always found the hardest thing to take as evidence is living animals; I have had horses on two occasions.
Giphycollege
processed mock crime scene as part of a college course, found and bagged a used condom that was not planted there by the course's teaching assistants
Gloves Please.....
A guy on a sports team I play in is a drug squad cop and told us the following story. They had staked out a meth lab house for awhile and surveilled the house with pinhole cameras for some time. They'd noticed that the occupants were becoming increasingly erratic, someone senior suggested it was due to them not replacing the filters in their protective masks.
Anyway, at some stage they decide it's time to go in, so tactical enter and grab all the guys and clear the rooms. Then a chemical team go in to make sure everything is safe. Eventually my mate and his team go in to collect evidence with a few young uniforms to help.
The house is a bit of a shambles but nothing too unexpected, until one of the uniforms picks up a large rubber dildo and starts playing around with it in front of everybody. The senior then tells him: you know that while reviewing all the footage on this place we never saw any women entering or leaving this house... And why are you the only one not wearing gloves? bPhrea
Over Chicken?
GiphyNot a cop, but a cop friend of mind in SE Washington, DC. He got a domestic disturbance call and arrived to a calm scene. The husband explained he and his wife had been arguing, and that she had gone over the top, but they were both fine now. The wife confirmed the story, but stated she didn't want the husband back in the house that night. My friend asked if the husband had a place to go, and he agreed to go to his mother's house for the night.
The husband left, then my friend and his partner left soon after. About an hour later, they get a call back to the same house. When they get there, the husband is in the kitchen dead. The wife explains that right after the police left, her husband came back and resumed arguing with her. He got in her face and she stabbed in the neck with a chicken bone, hitting his carotid artery. abbrollher
On a hot midnight in The Bronx about 330 am......
On a hot midnight in The Bronx about 330 am got a burg call. Me and my partner found it strange when central gave us the address because it was a funeral home. We arrive on scene of this brownstone building and immediately see the basement lights are on. We look at each other and say "no way ... someone actually broke in here????" So we enter through what is an open door and begin to clear each room of the funeral home/ house. When we reach the basement and open what is a brightly lit body prep storage and prep room we are immediately confronted with several bodies on tables covered in different stages of undress with bed sheets on them.
Our attention is drawn to a very startled naked man holding playing cards . I look at him and simply say "What the heck and who the heck are you?? He looks at me and my partner and nervously responds ... "I'm the Mortician" .... wait .... "Who are you?? And what the heck are you doing??? "I'm the mortician and I'm working and playing cards " "Playing cards ??? My partner says ... "Yeah cards ...see????"... holding his hands out displaying the deck of cards.
I look around and see each of the 4-5 bodies have their own hands dealt to them ...
We asked for His ID .... verified he belonged there and proceeded to leave with a queasy feeling laughing out butts off.
My partner looks at me and says how should we mark this job.... ????
Best job in the world..... I miss the clowns but not the circus. nforcr
Be Naked.
GiphyNot a police officer, but I know one.
I'm sure he has a million stories, but my favorite that he's told me was the time he was called to a local Mexican restaurant. When he arrived, he was directed to a Cadillac in the parking lot that was a rockin', if you get my drift.
He knocks on the window, and a butt naked 80 year old woman gets out, pissed off that someone interrupted her getting laid. Her 80 year old husband was laying naked in the vehicle still.
This old woman stood outside of her vehicle, completely naked, for a solid 5 minutes, arguing w my friend about how she should be able to get laid whenever she wants.
There was more to the story of course, but as I'm not the first hand story teller, I can't do the story the proper justice it deserves.
He didn't arrest them, even though she stood naked outside for 5 minutes, so she got off easy (pun intended). alwaysmyfault
Still with me....
I babysat for a cop (2 toddler daughters)(10/10 kids, cute and very affectionate) and he told me of one story where he was called to this old lady's home. When they got there they found her husbands rotting body under a pile of newspapers. So apparently the lady had really bad dementia and had thought the husband was a robber and hit him in the back of the head with a rolling pin.
The poor dementia lady went back to bed and he was dead in the morning. She didn't know what to do, so she covered his body with newspapers and somehow managed to survive on her own for a few days. A neighbor started to worry and came to check up on them. The neighbor was the one to call the police. That story haunted me for like a month. ratsoh
"Woodchucks"
I just asked my dad, who was a cop for 30+ years.
He told me he pulled over a car full of "Woodchucks", older drunkards from a rural area in the Northeast area of the US. He was in his late 20's at the time, so in good shape compared to the drunks. I think there were 4. While my dad was processing the driver, he had him in the front seat of his car. Once the guy realized he was probably going to be arrested, he started ripping the radio and anything he could grab out of his car. He grabbed my dad and pulled him out of the passenger side of his vehicle and onto the ground.
My dad landed between this guy's legs and into some kind of leg-lock chokehold. The guy, during all this, has started to scream to his friends to get his gun and kill him. Once he has him in a leg-lock, he looks down and says "now I'm gonna kill you." before he starts to choke my dad with his legs. I guess backup showed up just in time, or had been there, the deputy at the time hit him in the head with a baton and sent him out. tenthplagueb
I went home and hugged my son.
Did a stop on a pretty obvious dope car. Driver is tweaking on meth. Passenger also tweaking and is a female that weighs 95 pounds while being 5'8 or so. She looked like a concentration camp victim. She's offering to provide oral services in exchange for her release. Obviously I decline.
Guy in the back appears to be asleep. I get his ID from the tweaking driver as my backup arrives. We get all 3 out, I can see needles all over the car. The guy in the back wakes up and gets out. Dispatch gives us returns, letting us know the back passenger is has a parole violation (he was released early from prison IYDK) for felon in possession of a firearm.
The dispatcher was supposed to warn us before giving the return out loud over the radio but didn't in this case. Old dude stands up and reaches in his waistband. I see this happening in slow motion and realize it's about to get real. My partner swings from around the other side of the vehicle where he was talking to one of the other suspects. I start to yell gun in time for my partner to straight up linebacker this dude, which we got into cuffs. Had a .45 in the waistband.
I went home and hugged my son, who was 1 at the time.
Edit: was out at a family function. I am about to start replying to all the messages. Thank you.
Second edit: I have a few more good ones if anyone cares to hear them. Also, I don't work patrol anymore. I'm a detective with my agency now.
I posted another story below. Thanks for the positive words. 99% of cops are out there every day doing honest work to keep you safe. copswithguns
67 Stitches In....
Not a cop, my dad was. Was backing up a situation where guy allegedly was shooting up on the street. When he came over, guy was arguing with the officer on scene, definitely not being aggressive in any way, or suspicious though. Long story short, the other two officers on scene got aggressive with him and grabbed him and slammed him multiple times into a car parked on the street and he had the get 67 stitches. My dad told the chief and ended up having to quit since everyone was pissed at him for doing so. madiison1461
No Answers.
I legitimately considered law enforcement as a career path, and regularly chat up officers in public or social situations. I used to ask questions like this.
A former Vegas officer told me a story about he and his partner going to break up a party with some expected underage alcohol and narcotics activity.
While there someone brought up an unusual van down the street. They went expecting more kids nonsense. It contained gang members waiting to kill someone leaving the party.
He was shot multiple times. Spent months in the hospital. His partner was murdered. Dead before EMT arrived.
I stopped asking after this answer. official_fox_news
Hey Ace.
GiphyAnswered a disturbance call to find a drunk dude climbing in a car while his wife screamed at him. She smacked his windshield with a bat, destroying it as he peeled out. We followed him maybe .5 mile with the sirens and lights while he drove with his head out the window Ace Ventura style. Poor bastard didn't get his head back inside in time passing a UPS truck and his head pieces ended up on my windshield. SgtSavage110
St. Peter?
Responded with my partner to a welfare check on an elderly gentleman. Knocked on the door, walked in and couldn't find him. Went to his garage and found him sound asleep behind the wheel. He tried to commit suicide by asphyxiation. Thing is, he only had a small amount of fuel and it was a new Civic. He was pissed when he woke up that I wasn't St Peter. Risin_bison
Showing Up....
Showed up to a call once about a baby crying nonstop for hours and no sign of an adult being home. We went into the house and I followed the sound of the crying baby upstairs to find an 18 month old with her arms duct taped to her crib. I undid the duct tape and it was obvious this was not the first time it had happened. I brought the child downstairs and outside. The mom was walking up the sidewalk of the housing unit and flipped crazy on me.
I handed the child off to a patrol and cuffed her. It was the most satisfying clicking of handcuffs I had ever heard.
Edit: This happened when I was in the Army as an MP. The father of the child was deployed at the time. From what I heard, he was granted permission to return home and take custody of the child. They got a divorce and I believe he won custody. I don't know what happened to her as far as a sentencing or jail time. dogballtaster
Put it Back.
GiphyMy dad friend who is a cop in NC told me that some teen tried to steal an electric shopping cart from Target with a ton of crap in it and tried to outrun the cops but the cart only went 5mph for like 25 meters then the battery died. The cop just asked him to push the cart back since it died and return the stolen items. Bigbadballer88
With an Axe.
Dad tells the story of a guy he knew who kept getting caught for writing bad checks. He was such a big guy he wouldn't fit in the police car so they would just meet him at the magistrate office and write him tickets. (I know, some trust) but a year or so after this kept happening, he got a call that there was a domestic dispute at the house. So they rush over there and he's got an axe in his hand sitting on the front porch all bloody.
They approach and tell him to put the axe down which he does and proceeded to tell them that his wife is in the bathtub, or at least her head is. But guy was completely open and cooperative, didn't run or anything. Asked if he could meet them at the magistrate office and dad was like yeah nah dawg you're gonna have to get in the car this time.
I was in shock....
While serving in South Korea, my team was on patrol in the local drinking village when we heard someone drunkenly singing the US national anthem. At a loss for where this individual was, we finally looked up and there he was.... tight rope walking on the ledge of a building 3 stories up. This is when precision of language is of vital importance...especially when dealing with a drunk. The sergeant on scene said, "Hey, come down here!" The drunkard said, "On my way!" And proceeded to step off.
Under the impression I was about to witness my first death, I was in shock. Through some bit of weird luck/science, he glanced the hood of a slightly misted Daewoo truck and slid down to the ground. We ran over to him and he said, "Hey guys, how's it going?" He had open fractures on both femurs and after some makeshift splinting and controlling the bleeding, he was transported to the nearest hospital. Soju is a hell of a thing. Reddit
"I'm not crazy!"
GiphyDefinitely the time that an older, mentally ill woman tried to burn her house down because she believed that was the only way to disarm the atom bomb in her attic. I got her to walk with me to my car and get in the back by telling her it was the only place she'd be safe. When I got in and started driving, she started yelling that I couldn't take her to jail because she hadn't done anything wrong.
I calmly informed her that we were going to the hospital, which prompted even louder yelling of, "I'm not crazy!" I replied, "I don't think you're crazy." She screamed, "Then why are you taking me to the hospital?!" I told her, "Well, you were next to that atom bomb, right? We gotta get you checked for radiation poisoning." Her eyes got wide and she said, "Oh crap! I didn't think about that, you better hurry!"
For you Rookie.
First time my brother arrested someone was really funny. He and his training officer were working the graveyard shift and got a call for suspicious activity at a house. They arrive and the homeowner says they're is someone sneaking around his house that shouldn't be there. So they start looking around with their flashlights, grass is really overgrown in the backyard and my brother notice one of those Fisher Price kid's car (yellow & red plastic car) moving on its own. They found their guy, naked and high AF trying to hide under the kids toy and crawl away. Training officer says,"Well, he's your's rookie", had my brother cuff him (guy didn't want to go to jail and put up a naked fight) and take the guy to jail. j2142b
In a bunny suit....
Attended a structural fire in a downtown high rise. Was tasked with evacuating local residents in case the building collapsed.
Third house I went to, the guy answers in a full bunny suit with gas mask propped up in his head. English wasn't his first language, and as I was trying to communicate that he needed to evacuate, it became clear he was running a meth lab inside. Arrested Asian Walter White, and then had to sit in the shadow of the structure fire keeping eyes on the house while waiting for CLEAR (clandestine lab) team to show up.
In that time fire trucks basically surrounded my vehicle so I couldn't move it, even after CLEAR team moved in. Walter had his lawyer call in my pc, and it was about 10 hours before we could head back to cells. I've never had to pee so badly in my life. Philosorunner
Situations....
Former PO, I'll try not to make this long: Early morning about 1 hour before I had to end my shift, dispatch said to go lights and sirens to an address. A pit bull was actively mauling an elderly woman. I get there and the woman is practically hanging on to life, blood all over the home. I tased the dog, twice before it responded. A K-9 unit had a muzzle and a strong leash. Dog was eventually put down, woman survived.
Second situation was an active shooter with officer down. It was a real crap show. Dude was off his rocker, shot at a fellow officer. This officer ended up retiring after this, but I and many others thought he was dead.
Third situation. I respond to domestic violence call, shootout with husband, he shoots me 3x and all 3 hit my vest. This was about 6 months after the second situation. I ended my police career after this. KingNebby
"ghost"
GiphyI know a guy, who was a cop in Texas when I was in middle school. He told me about this one time this woman called 911 because her house was haunted. He preceded to put handcuffs on an invisible "ghost" and acted like he was putting it in the police car. austingarrett
10. Poop doesn't scare this officer
"Once pulled over a guy who pooped himself as an attempt to deter me from doing my job. He had warrants and thought it would make me want to stay away from him."
9. Or this officer...
"I was running a breath test on a drunk one time and when I told her to blow into the mouthpiece she also blew a big nasty poop into her pants at the same time."
8. Please stop pooping in front of cops
"A detective I work with was staking out a guy because this guy was conveniently never home every time the detective went to interview him. He finally catches the guy at home and goes to ring the doorbell. The guy answers in only his whitey tighties actively pushing out a poop into his undies."
7. You can't fool this cop
Giphy"There was this person who was drunk, but was consistently denying the fact even though there was a case of opened beers in the passengers seat."
6. This unexplainable car accident victim
"I approached the driver and it was the sweetest old lady you've ever seen.
Finally I take a step back, put my flashlight on the car and take in what I'm looking at. This car is destroyed. Absolutely totaled. Tires blown out, rims bent, bodywork shredded and missing, and grass and jutting out of every orifice. All the passenger windows were blown out. The drivers side mirror got ripped off and thrown into the associated window and was now inside the vehicle hanging on by an electrical cable. Broken glass everywhere. No airbag deployment oddly enough.
She said everything was fine. Had EMS come and check her out. She was fine as far as I and they could tell. Mentally she didn't skip a beat. Knew the date, where she was, etc."
5. This singing suspect
Giphy"My uncle was a cop and recorded a man park as he shook his head to 'U GOT THAT' by ricardo milos until he passed out at the car cruiser"
4. Oh, the irony
"I know a cop who had to arrest someone for public masturbation at a truck stop back in the 90's. The man was doing it while looking at a Hot Cops magazine."
3. This driver has sympathy for any officers that pull him over
"Not a cop but I feel bad for the cops who pull me over. I have anxiety and I will get an anxiety attack and I lose control of parts of my body or all of it and shake. I got pulled over for having my headlight out and I couldn't find my insurance cards and I was getting really anxious and starting to shake, fortunately the cop let me go before my shaking got really bad. It looks like I'm doing something very illegal because of how anxious I get but I'm not"
2. This driver knows that they're strange
"I think I was the strangest person for a cop once. He pulled me over at 2 in the morning and asked if I had any weapons on me. I told him no, then he flashed his light on my backpack in the back seat and asked what was in the bag. It was my Wii U that I had taken to my friends house and told him we had been playing Mario and Donkey Kong. He asked if those were shooting games, and I had to explain to him about the Italian plumber and giant ape in the games."
1. What's going on in Seattle!?
"A few years ago my partner and I pulled over a guy who was driving erratically. Turns out he had molasses on his penis, and his pet pot-belly pig was licking it off.
Edit: This was in Seattle"