Something I've noticed that the men at the local pub do: When you're at a bar and your good friend shows up, you must, must greet them with some form of, "I guess they'll let anyone in here." Teasing between friends is totally normal, part of the unsaid rules in the "bro code."
I don't go in there much but when I do, I wonder what it must be like for the other men there. Is the peer pressure intense? What happens if they don't greet their friends sarcastically? Will they be ostracized forever?
I'm kidding, of course, but men are interesting creatures and there are all sorts of things that they all seem to do that the rest of us have noticed.
We heard some of these rules after Redditor TheTeaMan0416 asked the online community:
"What is an unspoken universal rule all men know?"
"When you become a father..."
"When you become a father all your sneezes must be loud and violent."
LegitimateGeek
This is definitely true of my friends' fathers. Is there something in the air?
"If the remote control..."
"If the remote control stops working, either slap it on your leg or open the back and roll the batteries a few times."
Straightener78
Do you have a camera recording and documenting my every action?!
"If there is bad weather..."
"If there is bad weather brewing outside you must stand on the porch and say something along the lines of "Well, the rain's coming I can feel it."
Dakintosh
And if you had an old injury, you must reference it to affirm your confidence that bad weather is coming!
"Unless you feel..."
"Unless you feel genuinely threatened, never purposefully hit a man in the balls."
[deleted]
That's definitely a low blow! Never go there, unless you absolutely have to. Ouch.
"If you're bald..."
"If you're bald and I'm bald, we're automatically bald brothers."
ChinaPanda
Do you greet each other by saying, "I like your haircut"?
"When leaving..."
"When leaving you must smack your pockets to make sure everything is there."
BigDoggoLover
Triple pat! Phone, keys, wallet!
"The guy in the garage..."
"The guy in the garage with the door open is the bat signal for fellow men to come over."
ponysoldierboy
Hey, hey, we're still in a pandemic and I still need you to stay away from me!
"Any object..."
"Any object carried by another male is immediately assessed for its weapon capacity."
SmallPiecesofWood
I don't know, I think ya'll need to calm down.
"You must let out..."
"You must let out a sigh of satisfaction when sitting down on a lawn chair."
[deleted]
Yes, you are correct.
I just think I wanted to sit down, so leave me be.
"One shall slap..."
"One shall slap the bag of soil in the garden center when passing by."
TheBassMeister
I pretty much do this to any bagged product. Dog food, landscaping rock, no bagged product is safe.
Men, if you haven't followed these rules just yet, you might want to take note. The rest of us are watching and judging you!
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
The subset of men that fall under the "Bro" umbrella is by now a well-understood facet of modern culture. Some self-identify as a bro. Others have the title foisted upon them.
Let's look at some definitions.
The #2 rated definition on Urban Dictionary is hardly flattering:
"Obnoxious partying males who are often seen at college parties. When they aren't making an @ss of themselves they usually just stand around holding a red plastic cup waiting for something exciting to happen so they can scream something that demonstrates how much they enjoy partying."
"Nearly everyone in a fraternity is a bro but there are also many bros who are not in a fraternity. They often wear a rugby shirt and a baseball cap. It is not uncommon for them to have spiked hair with frosted tips."
The #3 rated definition, however, was glowing:
"NOT THE DEFINITION FOR DOUCHEBAGS."
"Your bro is your homie(s) for life. Calling someone your bro declares automatically that you are down for life, that your bros come directly in front of thy hoes. Choose carefully who you declare as your bro, because some people could intercept this very wrongly and it could backfire."
"You could call strangers you interact with "man" and/or "dude" but "bro" is sacred."
It's the almost spiritual reverence for Bro culture that pushed Redditor joestarbloodline to ask:
"Men of Reddit, what's your favorite unwritten rule of the bro code?"
Many Bros on Reddit chose to highlight the intentional ways they interact and communicate with one another. At the end of the day, we're talking about friendship.
Cheat Sheet
"Up-nod for informal respect, down-nod for formal respect." -- Cheshire90
"head up - hi, sup etc. head down - u have my respect, thank u head left - look over there head right - we need to talk, come here" -- TypowyPiesel
Be a Pal
"You gotta hype your bro up if it genuinely makes him happy, such as; new job, new relationship, new positive lifestyle, new car, etc. Seeing your bro reach peak potential is always a great feeling."
-- Brickfrog501
Mental Health-Aware Bros
"When your bro is isolated and lonely, bros reach out and call them or text them every day to make sure they are okay."
"Bros bring bros food when bros are feeling down."
The Clearest Sign
"Here's mine: you're supposed to sh** on and talk sh** to your closest bros right to their face. That's how you know the bromance is real."
-- sbaks0820
Others offered tongue in cheek rules about how one is supposed to handle the untimely death of a Bro in their life. Bottom line, spiff them up as much as possible.
An Impressive Final Story
"If your friend dies while bench pressing, add more weight to the bar before calling anyone." -- Zyffrin
"I mean you would have to be pretty sure that he is dead before. Imagine someone fainting and waking up with so much weight on them that they can't lift it." -- Additional_Meeting_2
Scrub, Scrub, Scrub
"If your friend dies you delete his browser history" -- HiNaughtyGirlImDad
"Something similar for me. A friend was gay, but deeply in the closet. (old guy in his 70s)"
"Before be passed, he begged me to keep it a secret. How do you say no to that?"
"After he was gone, I offered to help his family clean up his home, since I lived close by."
"Ending up spending a few days scouring the home, finding anything that might reveal his orientation, and got rid of it."
"I'm sure his family had suspicions. How do you hide such a thing? But I did what was asked of me." -- Someone_Who_Cared
Last, there was plenty of talk about bathroom etiquette. Unfortunatley, at least some amount of homophobia is usually embedded in Bro culture.
Careful Head Movements
"There are 3 authorized looking positions while at a urinal. Straight ahead, straight up in the air, or straight down. Never side to side."
-- Jnida23
Safe Space
"There are 5 urinals, don't be a di** and use the second one from the right or the left." -- Comfortable_Length56
"Us janitors know they don't need cleaning. Nobody dares use them /s" -- Jollysatyr201
Time and Place
"No bathroom conversations with any other man you dont already know." -- Cycleofmadness
"Unless you are all insanely drunk." -- Juan__two__three
"And even if you do know them, if it's something that can wait until after you leave, then wait until after you leave." -- svenson_26
If you ever do find yourself thrust into a Bro-style relationship, come back to this list to remember how to stay welcomed into the fray.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
The bro code. It's nuanced, and although most of the rules are unwritten, there are some standards that are supposed to be universally adhered to. Yeah, okay.
bakedbutnotburnt asked, People of Reddit, what are some of the "guy code" and "girl code" unwritten rules that you always follow?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.