Bisexual People Break Down The Differences Between Dating Different Genders
I have straddled the genders when it came to romance.
But it's been a pretty long time.
So I don't recall a lot about the girls in the intimacy department.
But I've always been intrigued by the people who live in the "I love everyone" arena.
What's different?
What's the same?
The people want to know.
Redditor sencecore wanted to hear from all the bisexual people out there who felt like sharing.
"Bisexual people of Reddit, what would you say is the main difference between dating women and men?"
Let's discuss the WHOLE menu.
Issues
Talk Show Problem GIF by Rooster TeethGiphy"Women are more neurotic and men are more emotionally unavailable. Dating women tends to make me feel like I’m not good enough while dating men tends to make me feel alone and unheard."
Last_Wallaby_2090
"go with the flow"
"There's a few differences that i've noticed at least in my experiences. Women- whenever i'm with women, either romantically or just hooking up, it's always softer and more sensual. the dates are more relaxed and the sex lasts longer, and is seemingly softer. They take their time to get you to your peak and will always take care of you after the act is over."
"Men- more excitement definitely. dates can range from getting dinner to going out and doing random activities. i don't have to worry as much about what i'm doing either as the ones i've encountered have been more 'go with the flow' types. when it comes to sex with men it's always slightly faster, less emphasis on foreplay depending on who i'm with. it's always rougher too (which isn't a bad thing)."
"There's not as much aftercare after the sex unless you're dating them. I have fun with both men and women despite the differences that i've noticed between the two. it's always something different depending on who you're with. never truly a bad thing."
"ETA: Forgot to add that I'm a woman lol, for the few who wanted to know."
smallemochick
Woman hear me roar...
"I'm a woman..."
"In general when I’m around/interacting with other women, even just friends/acquaintances I automatically take on a more dominant and masculine energy. I even notice I tend to use a deeper more monotone voice with women vs men that’s very unintentional."
"Men is opposite, I always feel more submissive energy wise, like I allow them to take lead sexually. Personally I like this more, it’s less work for me mentally and emotionally to not be the dominant presence although I do feel like I’m more dominant and assertive in nature."
"I don’t know if any of that made any sense."
Sickening_toe
Connection
"Women are easier to connect to emotionally, men are easier to connect to sexually. I don't like that it is that way, I'd love to have better sex with women and more intimacy/love with men. But that's been my experience so far."
"ETA: I'm not saying my ex-gfs were bad in bed or my ex-bfs didn't love me; they did and they were great!"
"Just saying that, as a woman, it's easier for me to get into deep trust and emotional connection with another woman, and it's easier (and faster) to get into the hot sex stuff with a man. I imagine this is a socialization issue. They're both wonderful, though."
StrangersWithAndi
Attachments...
Girl Lesbians GIFGiphy"Men say they are cool with hooking up with no emotional attachment. They aren’t. I’ve found women are more able to do that."
onelittlemaus
Everyone has hook up issues, no matter what they say.
Walls
Blocking Video Games GIF by Far Cry 6Giphy"So, I think being a man, being with men it’s easier to put my guard down and be more myself. I don’t have to always 'be the man.' I can be vulnerable sometimes. If I’m with a woman, I can never be vulnerable because I feel like I have to be the strong one."
bowserwowser12321
Just for me...
"Bi woman here. Pros of being with a man: I don’t get judged for it, I feel more protected, we can have kids. Pros of being with a woman: we relate to each other more, we don’t have to use protection, we can share more things (like clothes and makeup). And honestly just being attracted to a man vs a woman is very different, for me at least."
goldencherry5
The Moral?
"Dating a girl for me feels like a more level playing field. I feel like we can get each other on a whole other level. We both have girly bits, periods, we relate to each other’s struggles more easily, and I know my way around so I can always be sure I can please her or at least know exactly what she’s talking about if she corrects me."
"With men, the connection is definitely still there, it’s just different. Don’t get me wrong, men are very much capable of sharing the weight of your struggles, they can please you if you teach them how, they are great partners, but it’s not as automatic or natural as my connection to women."
"I find that it takes longer for me to connect with men than women, but the connection I do have with my boyfriend now is deeper than I’ve ever had with anyone before. Moral of the story, both are great, they both have strengths and weaknesses, but they are different."
ExistingAirport3175
Lets Brunch
"Bi woman here, casual sex with women is great. You can go out for brunch the next day and just be friends. In my experience, casual sex with a man is impossible. They either treat you like garbage right after, I assume due to not wanting you to catch feelings. Or they get weird because they have caught feelings and don’t know how to act."
loritree
It's all a Mess...
crazy cuckoo GIFGiphy"The men I've been with tend to be emotional, insecure, touch-starved."
"The women tend to be flaky, overly confident, impassionate about anything."
SjurEido
It sounds like no matter the gender, there will always be issues.
Do you have similar experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below!
Bisexual people have always had the best of all worlds when it comes to the romance department. Maybe that's why they get so much moodiness thrown at them.... we're all jealous. They get to taste everything while the rest of us are saddled with one basic menu because of a lame palette. But just because people like it all doesn't mean specifics don't appeal to them while on the prowl.
Redditor u/dr-incognito-dorito wanted to have a quick tea with those of us who like to sample all the flavors by asking.... Bisexual people of Reddit, how does your taste in men compare to your taste in women? Are you attracted to similar traits in both genders or do you look for completely different things?"IF YOU HOT YOU HOT"
Water Bottle Reaction GIFGiphyIts more like "IF YOU HOT YOU HOT" but I find more hot in women than I do in men, it's not really specific traits I can pick out tbh like, I find a lot of girls really pretty, but find myself seeing men with similar traits and not thinking the same.
I Like it All
I'm a bit all over the place really. I like masculine men, feminine men, masculine women, feminine women, and everything in between and out of the binary.
I like the female body better because, well, boobs; but I also enjoy a good beard and the more... elongated lines men have.
I'd have to go on a case by case basis, comparing two people instead of two whole demographies to be able to give a better answer.
Idk, I just like pretty much everybody who's not a jerk.
Woof....
I'm sexually attracted to either muscular/fit or feminine guys and girls, so the points of attraction are similar for me. But I just can't seem to fall for a guy/girl, like I find them physically attractive but I never saw them in a romantic sense unlike girls which is strange.
Show Me
Punk Rock 80S GIFGiphyPurely sexually there's a cross section of twinks and kinda punk rock pixie Chick that always gets me going. Romantically if they show me affection.
Attachment Issues....
I am sexually attracted to both genders but I can't seem to get emotionally attached to a girl. I just couldn't see myself dating a girl.
My friend told me about this a few months ago and it totally helped me realize my sexual identity. I didn't know why I struggled with my bisexuality until this. Such an important part of identity!
The "Right"Type....
I'm a woman and I prefer women who are more feminine and men who are more masculine.
There are some overlaps. Regardless of gender I love for them to be outdoorsy and into the same activities as me. I'm very attracted to smart people who are ambitious and adventurous. But for women I prefer people who are not super buff, are more feminine when dressing, have more feminine personalities, etc. For men I'm more into the outdoorsy manly guys. I'm also way more picky with women and less likely to form an emotional attachment to women, but am definitely more sexually attracted to the "right" type of women than any men.
I used to worry about finding the right person when my preferences are all over the place but now I am very happily married to a smart, ambitious, adventurous outdoorsy man.
All Sides Now...
Androgyny in all things. If the human body was a slider with M/F being both sides I want it in the middle.
I don't even care about the scale, I just like punk people lmao. But actually, yeah same.
Oof, this, sorta. My lady is the most beautiful creature I've ever seen, and I wouldn't trade her for anything else. But this is how i felt before I saw her, so.
The BF Says....
I asked my boyfriend and he said:
"I don't know if it's because I'm dating a guy right now, but I only have romantic attraction to men and some minor sexual attraction to women. I am not really picky with people I guess, no real preference, I just want someone who can put up with me rambling about piercings and exercise with me. Though I do have to say, I think I could only imagine myself happily getting married with a man as of now."
All in....
couple love GIF by Sony Music ColombiaGiphyI still am kinda having a sexuality crisis, but for me I look for basically the same traits in both genders. Someone who respects and is willing to do things you like as well. Not the relationship revolving around them, and definitely not the other half-hearted their part. Seriously, some people these days have problems with not even giving half the effort in a relationship.
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People who engage with more than one gender have a really unique experience.
Those of us who fall squarely into heterosexual or homosexual know the emotional and sexual patterns of the genders we are attracted to, for the most part. We know what to expect on a first date or in a long term relationship.
We don't have to keep track of too much information. Bisexual folks on the other hand? They have their work cut out for them.
u/Bri-ioche asked:
"Bisexual people of reddit, what are the biggest diffferences between having a relationship with a man and with a woman?"
Here were some of their answers.
Cuddle Time
As a bisexual man, it's awesome to be little spoon and actually fit. I know that's probably not what you're looking for, but it's the first thing that came to mind.
Snail's Pace
In my experience, relationships with men move a lot slower than relationships with women.
In a relationship with a man, we talk for several weeks, then we date for a month before we even discuss defining the relationship. With women, you go on two dates, and then she has a drawer at your place.
I'm a woman in my late 20s. I've had 4 girlfriends and 3 boyfriends since I was 15. Edited again: Thanks for the gold!
Homophobia: Alive And Well
I'm a bi woman and to be honest the biggest difference for me is other people's perception of my relationship.
When I date men I don't get the same 21 questions from strangers and family members as to why I've made the choice to date that person.
Also once when I was dating a woman my step-grandma asked me not to hold her hand or kiss her at Thanksgiving dinner so that it wouldn't "confuse the children"... They've never asked me to withhold public affection from male partners. I think I've dated more men than women long term because it was the path of least resistance.
It's Called Not The Bare Minimum
As a man, men who've only dated women before are really easy to impress. I bought my ex dinner a few times and he just about lost his mind because no one had done that for him before. I've heard lesbians say the same thing about women, so I think it's more of a societal expectation thing than anything else.
Getting Faster
From my experience at least, wlw relationships tend to move faster? I can't explain it like when I was with my ex we were so ride or die since day one, saying i love you after less than a month together, very intense overall. Also unfortunately, sometimes you get to realize how much bias and prejudice your "friends" and family might secretly hold.
With men, I never had something like that. There were a lot more downtime I guess? Also no fear about having to go out while holding hands, or introducing to the family.
Although, aside from a few things, I think it's very different overall because people are different, ya know? Like my ex was very extroverted and my bf is very introverted, so the dynamic changes because of that too.
Again, Not The Bare Minimum
With most of the women I dated, gift/acts of kindness were an every day thing. Like, I'd make an extra stop for something they liked and it wouldn't be a big deal to them.
Every. Single. Guy. I have dated has lost their minds over the little things. When my husband and I first started dating, I stopped and got him a slushie while I got gas, not even an extra stop. I just set it in front of him at his apartment and you'd have thought it was the Holy Grail.
Let's Gender Dumb Things!
With a hetero relationship, there a lot of gender based assumptions. The dude drive and kills the bugs. The woman remembers that they're out of milk and arranges social things. It's not always true, but even then it feels like you're breaking the norm and "different". With gays there is much less expectations. Chores tend to be distributed evenly. Who kills the bugs is sometimes both or neither.
Tossed Around
I'm a small human, and when I date women they're mostly my size, but men are usually at least 6" taller and have 50 pounds on me. There are a lot of physical differences with cuddling and sex with partners of different sizes. I love that men can pick me up (when I want them to) and that I get to feel tiny and safe with men I trust. With women, it's more equal, so we switch back and forth between being the cuddler and the cuddlee. Also with women, we usually take turns (getting attention) during sex whereas with men it's more likely to be just one effort.
That Homophobia Will Getcha Every Time
I've dated more women than men, but both of the guys were way easier and more direct than any of the women were. Sex with a guy is easier to get started; literally you can be playing video games on the couch and suddenly you're both horny and going for it. Women need more prep time, generally, it's almost never 0-100 in a flash. It's slower to get started and longer to reach the finish, but in my opinion it is more satisfying when you both get there.
Culturally it is easier to date women as it isn't immediately seen as taboo by most people. Almost nobody will bat an eye if you kiss as hetero in public, but you'll get a look or two if you're the same gender.
These have been my experiences and in no way do I think it is universal, just the folks that have been nice enough to date me.
Sharing Time!
As a guy I found I get more excited for Christmas when I date guys rather than girls because it's a mutual want and desire (you get to share most things, clothes and video games). Woman are sweeter and love little gestures more than guys. Like when I do the dishes or make supper or clean the house they get super appreciative. Guys just brush it off or don't notice those kind of efforts.