People Who've Been In The Foster System Share Advice For People Who Want To Become Foster Parents
Deciding to foster a child, while clearly admirable, is the furthest thing from a no-brainer. So much consideration must go into the decision to provide safety and security to a child who hasn't always had it.
Nobody has ever left a thriving, trauma-free family dynamic and found themselves suddenly plopped into the foster care system.
A child arrives there because the adults in their lives have struggled to give them what they need, be that love, nutrition, physical safety, or stable emotional environments.
So a foster parent enters a child's narrative a little after the fact. That can make the whole experience a real challenge.
Curious to learn the specifics of those challenges, Redditor RaeRai293 asked:
"People who are or have been in the foster system: What would you say to someone who is considering becoming a foster parent?"
Many people unpacked the nuanced dynamics of a well-known element of foster care: children arrive with a history of trauma.
Come Ready
"I had a friend growing in up whose biological parents were foster parents. I remember that when I went round I wasn't allowed alone with certain children there. We are still friends now and said that alot of children are from abusive families, physically, mentally."
"So you need to be prepared to receive children that have experienced horrific things in their life and the baggage that brings."
You Will Not Be Perfect
"Take care of yourself. You are not a superhero. If you don't remember self care (mental, emotional & physical), you will struggle."
"You cannot give from an empty cup and foster kids will drain you. They are suffering from trauma and you will feel that. Don't ignore your needs or they will suffer more."
-- hbrich
Prepare for Some Sorrow
"It can be extremely heartbreaking. My aunt and uncle fostered a few kids. The 2 youngest girls were i believe 6 and 4 when they took them in. Their birth mother was an addict and sex worker."
"I remember once we had planned a camping trip."
"When we told them we were going camping they started hysterically crying. I later found out to them 'camping' was sleeping out in the streets."
Coming on the back of those upsetting realities, the foster parent's conduct and parenting style needs to be very deliberate.
Stay Cool
"Regardless of how long the kid stays with you, they will remember how you treat them. Be patient, many may not understand what is happening at first. Most will be angry but even if they upset you don't let it show."
-- JustAnAce
It's Not About Your Opinion
"Have lots of empathy for everyone involved. Put aside your judgments and listen. Figure out how you can best serve the kids. There is no magic pill that will help them. It takes time, therapy, patience and a lot of empathy."
-- hbrich
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Not For No Reason
"go easy on them. We dont act out because we just feel like it or hate you, we act out because we're not used to being treated nicely and in the back of our head we always know that we could be sent away any day so we might not wanna get attached too fast."
"my sister and I went into foster care when we were really young and we came from a very abusive family so we just expected every family to be like that? I'd flinch every time someone tried to touch or hug me and I still don't like it. you just gotta be very patient because you never really know what they went through"
-- theo_potato
Last, others reminded folks that the point of foster care is to provide temporary safety until the child can, ideally, return home.
For obvious reasons, that's so important for people to get straight.
Know the Goal
"The system is designed to reunify families as its first goal. If you are in it to adopt you will have conflicting priorities. If you're not, you should keep in mind that in order for a successful reunification to happen, you really need to forge a relationship with the bio parent(s) and in a sense, foster them as well."
"Almost all parents who are part of the system probably should have been foster kids based on what they grew up with. Treat the kid (s) as part of your family but recognize the pain of a parent having their child taken away. Regardless of what they did, they are probably hurting"
-- hbrich
A Different Thing Entirely
"The goal of foster care is reunification, not adoption. I wish more foster parents understood that. You're not entitled to someone else's child, and foster care is not some free version of adoption."
"It can be a result, but the goal 99% of the time is reunification with bio parents. Also, no matter the situation, there WILL be trauma. It's not easy."
Remind Children Too
"First of all; As a foster you are part of a system trying to reunite families."
"First time children are going to be confused and frightened, reassure them that everyone, including you, is working on getting them back to their family."
"Children that have been in the system before will still be frightened, but might not show it, they may also be scared of going back to their parents."
"Each will be different and you need to adjust to their needs. Emotional and physical."
"Treat them as you treat your own child. This means feeding them the same,(and healthy foods) getting the clothes they need, making sure they get to the dentist and doctor, giving them treats/toys/fun things as well."
"Give them their own safe space."
"Allow them to make choices (which shirt/shoes do you want? Do you like this food? What meal do you want tonight, choice 1 or chose 2?) They have no control in their own lives, this helps give them some control."
"Get them a suitcase, that's theirs, that they can take with them when they move on. Most don't have one."
"Give them an allowance from the money you get for housing them and spend the rest of the money on things they need. It's for them, to help you care from them and it's not yours to vacation on or by your (bio) kid a new iPad."
"THEY WILL REMEMBER YOU FOR THEIR WHOLE LIVES. Someday you may be a horror story about their past, or you may be the one who gets remembered fondly and with love. You dammed better be the one they remember with love."
Perhaps fostering a child has crossed your mind in the past. Here's hoping this list helped you iron out your motives, concerns, and confidence level.
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Trigger warnings: abuse, violence.
Adoption is a wonderful thing to consider, and adopting a child can bring great joy to the family and child. Unfortunately, sometimes adoption can be even more of a burden.
Adopted children generally come with a great deal of emotional trauma thanks to their difficult family and home situations. Kids are so easily influenced by their environments that adoption can present a second set of challenges for both parent and child.
To learn more about that, Redditor toomanystars asked:
"Parents who adopted a child and then regretted it, what's your story?"
Here were some of those answers.
Horrid Backpay
"A neighbor lost her only child in a car accident when child was 17. Adopted a 6 year old girl, Greta, from a foreign country a few years later when neighbor was 50."
"Greta had some emotional & behavioral problems which later turned into psychological problems, neighbor tried various therapists, doctors, drugs etc. Greta ended up running away the first time at 14. And again a few months later. Her main excuse was that she was trying to get back to the family that neighbor "stole" her from. Greta really loved using that as a reason to torture neighbor."
"Greta disappeared at 16 for over a year and then neighbor is getting a phone call from a hospital 5 states away. . . .Greta had given birth and seven hours later walked out without the baby but did leave neighbor's name & contact info."
"So neighbor is 67 and raising an infant. Greta comes back a year later and basically blackmails neighbor (give her money or she'll steal the baby like neighbor stole Greta). Greta then disappears for a couple of years only to leave another baby in another hospital. Both babies were born addicted to drugs as a special added touch. So neighbor is now in her 80s and is raising two kids who have behavioral & emotional issues."
– jaimystery
Why Would You Say That?
"I'm the adoptee. My adoptive mom had some kidney problems that prevented her from carrying a child. Or so she thought. She was told later that she could have. She told me that had she known then what she knows now that she wouldn't have adopted me and would have had "her own" children instead. I was about 12 at the time and it was devastating."
– spyrokie
Back Back Back
"A woman I worked with had been fostering a ~13 year old girl for over 2 years and had started the adoption process. Girl had a history of trouble with her previous fosters, but had been doing very well with them for the whole time they were fostering her. She was seeing a therapist regularly and everything was shaping up to be a clean adoption process. Then she started acting out suddenly. Hiding things, blaming my coworker and her husband for separating her from her brother, saying she deserved to live with her real mom. She started getting in trouble at school, being disrespectful to her teachers and that sort of thing. They had several emergency sessions with her therapist but the girl shut everyone out."
"The final straw was when she accused my coworker's husband of assaulting her. There was an investigation and she admitted to lying, but obviously they didn't want to risk having someone who would lie like that in the house. It could have ruined her husband's life. The adoption fell through and she went back into the foster care system."
"Her therapist said that it's fairly common for children who come from unstable homes to freak out at the prospect of stability once they have it, and begin acting out. Sad situation all around really."
– doggoismyfriend
For The Right Parents
"Before adopting me, my parents adopted a baby who they quickly learned was deaf. They didn't feel like they could raise the baby properly so they worked with the adoption agency to find deaf parents who were thrilled to have her instead. At first I thought it was kind of messed up that my parents would "return" a baby, but it really worked out better for everyone in the end."
– gerdinots
Involvement In More Than You Bargained For
"We adopted twins and the experience destroyed our family. Psych admissions, drug use, school expulsions, threats on our lives, starting fires, involvement with gangs, wrecked cars, etc. I could go on. It's the one thing in my life I wish I could undo. We're not alone. I knew one mother in town who deadbolt locked her bedroom door and slept with a knife under her pillow out of fear of her adoptive daughter. Another family had to send their adopted daughter off for a year of residential treatment."
– Ulven53
The Final Straw
"My parents best friends adopted a son from Russia as a 2 year old. He is the poster child of fetal alcohol syndrome effects. Violent, learning issues, the shortest temper, the works. His poor (adoptive) parents tried everything. They are great parents and had already raised 3, (two of their own and 1 foster kid). This boy gave them every issue. He was violent and disrespectful towards them, towards teachers, toward fellow students, he couldn't be controlled. They cried over him a lot. Legally disowned him at 17 after he stabbed their other kid with a kitchen knife."
– Dontdothatfucker
Danger Danger
"It wasn't me, but my neighbors when I was about 10 years old adopted a girl that was my age. They already had 3 other adopted children and 1 that was actually their own. This poor girl was 10 years old and they changed her name from something that she went by her whole life. She had a whole slew of issues, but what topped it off was when she started developing a crush on one of her adopted brothers. The mother and the son caught the adopted daughter watching him sleep multiple times. And there was a few times where she would hold him down and tickle him inappropriately. He was only 8 years old. I think the cherry on the cake was when the mom found a journal the girl had been keeping saying how much she was in love with that little boy. They sent her back to her foster home after only a few months of her living with them."
– coconutmilk-1
Behind The Maturity Curve
"My ex was adopted and I got the feeling his parents regretted it."
"They struggled financially and moved around a lot. He was very entitled and immature. Not a cute scene."
– msmctoaster
Without
"Not, me but my ex- co-worker. They spent 8 years of paperwork and classes to be able to adopt, when they finally got the money sorted, all the baby clothes, a stroller etc ready, and flew down to the country she was in - the mom had been there the day before and picked up the baby because she had regretted putting it there."
"My coworker is now considered too old to start a new process, and is sadly without any children. Something that is very sad for her."
– Gullsko
It All Turned Out Okay
"I grew up with a girl who was adopted from Africa, from what turned out to be a super shady agency. They were told they were getting a newborn, she arrived almost a year old and extremely malnourished and neglected. She was terrified of adults, and because of the malnourishment dealt with a lot of pain getting healthy again. The first year was hell, and too much for her adopted dad and he split. By the time I met her she was in kindergarten and a pretty normal, well adjusted kid with a loving and devoted single mom, but I know from my mom that her mom wouldn't have done it if she knew she would be alone with that unhealthy, unhappy baby. She got remarried when we were in second grade and they adopted another kid a year later, a little girl from China through an agency several parents at our school had used."
– actuallyasuperhero
Sounds Like An Unhappy Life
"I'm adopted. All I'm going to say is that sometimes infertility is God's way of telling people they aren't meant to be parents."
– cornpufff1
It Just Did Not Work Out
"I’m not the parent. But the sibling of the adopted."
"We adopted him when he has 5. Right away there was some behavioral issues but that is to be expected. I mean this kid is getting thrown into a new family and needs time to adjust."
"As time goes by, he starts to steal things from me and my biological brother. Lies a lot, and then does some real red flag things like hurting our cats, hit my mom in more than one occasion."
"My parents did everything they could for him, therapy, rehabilitation centers, even kept in contact with his biological sister and set up meet ups for them to stay connected. He was just a terror to my parents, I can’t even explain how much it destroyed me to see my parents be put through everything he did."
"In his teens he ends up getting arrested for robbery and destruction of property. When he gets out, Somehow the court systems awards custody to his biological mom and has my parents paying child support to the biological family because legally he is still my parents responsibility. This broke my moms heart."
"We(the siblings) are all now adults in our 20s-30s and my dad unexpectedly passed away and when it was time for the funeral, we offered to pay for my adopted brothers flight and he said he would rather have the money that the flight costs then come."
"The whole situation is sad. My parents were/are awesome, giving people who completely were dragged through hell emotionally by this kid who doesn’t care."
"My dad did admit to me later in life that he does regret adopting him due to the stress it put on him and my mom and how his behavior took away from me and my biological brothers childhood by constantly having to deal with problems he got into which lead to a lot of attention needed to be directed toward the adoptive brother. And my mom won’t admit it, but you can see she has definitely come to terms that he just can’t be saved and he doesn’t want to be."
"If I’m being honest, I can’t stand the guy. Haven’t talked to him in 7 years and don’t ever care too."
– KelsasaurusRex21
The Jealousy Started It All
"My parents adopted my brother after 5 years of marriage since they couldn't conceive and really wanted a kid. They adopted him when he was almost a year old, that was mid-80s back when nobody even thought that babies need to be picked up and held to ensure correct mental development. Some time after that they got pregnant and I was born."
"So my brother (3 yo at the time of my birth) had some developmental issues and having a sibling made it much worse. He became jealous of the new baby and started bullying the little me. Bullying was only the start and he quickly grew into a classic example of an abuser. We have endured 25 years of mental and physical abuse, and all the while my parents did nothing, just took it like martyrs, because they thought that they picked him so they have to stick to that decision until the end."
"My brother's behavior was one of the contributing factors to my father's heart attack and death a few years back. My mother tried coping by developing a drinking problem. One of my grandmas died of a stroke the same day he went over to torment her."
"I have left them all to rot with each other and moved out a long time ago. I don't want anything to do with a family that sentenced me to a life of abuse because of their decisions and stubbornness. I think that man belongs in an isolation ward and not a family home."
"I'm sure after all the pain he caused my mother regrets ever adopting that child."
– HandsOnAutoPilot
The Pretending Didn't Help
"A family member adopted a boy when he was 2-3. The process took forever so he was a bit older by the time everything went through. They were dead set on a white boy so they ended up going through an international adoption agency and ended up going to an orphanage in Russia. I am fairly sure between trying IVF multiple times and the cost of adoption they put themselves in some serious debt. After the adoption it was obvious that much of the paper work was falsified, history of the mother was falsified, so basically a stereotypical Russian movie adoption experience."
"Physically he is healthy but it became obvious he had developmental, speech issues, anger issues, and autistic tenancies. He is 12 now and my family member has done everything possible to pretend that he is fine because he refuses to have a child labeled as special needs. I am fairly certain they've switched schools when teachers recommend putting him in a program."
"My family members wanted a perfect child and did everything in their power to give off that impression to the detriment of the kid. With the right support early on he could have had potential, but their regret and denial essentially setup the kid for failure."
– LeKy411
The Cards You've Been Dealt
"My girlfriends dad openly admitted to her that it probably wasn't the best idea for them to adopt her when she asked him about it. They very rarely see eye to eye and the whole house is full of different personalities. Even her mum and dad are extremely different and probably shouldn't have got married but most likely only married because they were desperate. Her mum has some mental health issues ranging from anxiety to some personality disorder. Her dad is very quite and can easily temper and likely has Asperger's or something. My girlfriend was adopted by them when she was 7 and had a very hard life before that, which would, I feel, entitle her to be with more caring emotional adoptive parents. Alas you deal with the cards you've been dealt and she has been dealing with it very well!"
– Im_You_From_The_Past
Parenthood isn't easy and certainly isn't for everyone. Do you have similar stories to share? Please let us know in the comments.
People Adopted Later In Life Share How Long It Took To Feel Like Family
Adoption has been talked about a lot in the media lately, but it typically focuses on young children.
Have you ever wondered what adoption is like for older children?
Adoption is bound to be a different experience for someone who is old enough to remember and participate in the process in their own way.
A person who already has an established personality, fears, quirks, anxieties, etc... is surely going to experience the adoption process differently than an infant or very young child would.
But what does that look like?
Reddit asked:
"People who were adopted when they were old enough to remember it, how long did it take for your adopted family to feel like your family?"
Read on for the details Reddit users were willing to share about their adoptions.
Happy Tears
About 2 months, that's when I asked if I could call her mum, she cried and I felt bad because I didn't know happy tears were a thing when I was 5.
I'd been meeting them for about 6 months before that and the odd weekend sleepover to get to know them before I moved in, so by the time I actually lived there I was quite comfortable with them and looking forward to staying for good.
I'd lived with a foster family for a year but always knew it was temporary so never got too attached.
Permission For Food
About a week in when they told me I didn't have to ask permission every time I wanted food. I was like "Well, this is family."
My bio mom rarely had food in the house and when we did have food we had to ask for it before we were allowed to eat. Most of the time she said no. My next two foster homes were the same exact way so I thought that's just how they were. Wicked people.
GiphyThe last and final home (mentioned above) was my maternal uncle and his wife. I didn't really know them up until I moved in. They were so confused as to why I asked for food first and barely ate when I did get it. I remember watching food network with them and saying something looked good. The next day all the ingredients were there and my uncle taught me to cook. After that I was the family chef and would whip up anything I could. They did a lot of good for me. And I'm still the best cook in the family.
All Together
I was about 9 years old when I was adopted. My sisters and my brother came with. At the time, I didn't realize just how crazy my new parents were for deciding to adopt all four of us at once. (Now that I'm older, I can safely say that we've given both of them absolute HELL all throughout our teenage years.) Honestly, not being separated from my siblings made the transition kind of seamless. We'd been in the foster care system for only about 8 months and were more or less oblivious to what was going on.
Then we were introduced to some people who wanted to be our new parents.
One week we were visiting these two nice people, the next we were living with them and visiting all our new relatives. I know that it might sound kind of bland, but there was maybe only a period of a couple weeks where I had to get comfortable with thinking of these strangers as family. Maybe it helped that I was a relatively dumb kid, or maybe my new family being so closely knit with each other helped. Hell, my new grandparents lived next door to us until we moved to a bigger house!
Confronting Dad
I was adopted at 11 and technically this happened just before. It's important to note I have trouble showing affection.
The day I realized I was really wanted was when my adoptive Dad got on a plane with me and flew over 2 states so I could confront my bio Dad. I wanted answers. In the end I asked him to give up parental rights as I could clearly see I had found a better family.
When you have one Dad standing back (but still close enough to protect you showing love) and another slumped, half drunk on a picnic table it's clear what the best option is.
After that I felt more relaxed as I knew I couldn't be sent back to my bio Dad (he was holding out his rights to stop the adoption) I didn't become affectionate per se, but I did start being more comfortable and sharing my dreams in life which often resulted in my Dad in the back yard doing dumb stuff with me like learning hoola hoop tricks because I wanted to join the circus.
So I guess the answer is from the start once I was adopted.
The Video
I was adopted by my foster family when I was five years old. I had been with them since I was a baby but I fully understood there was a difference between being a foster kid who called them mom and dad and being "their" kid. A lot of kids came in and out of the doors that called them mom and dad but I knew that if I was adopted it meant I got to stay.
This may sound harsh, but I sincerely appreciated it. When my parents were waiting to hear about the adoption my mom sat me down and we had a very tough conversation. I obviously don't remember the details but I do remember one thing. A yes to the adoption meant I could stay with them forever. A no meant that I would likely be moved to a new foster home. I remember hiding in my room when any new cars pulled up out front of our house because I so badly wanted to stay. My mom said she told me because she wanted me to have no doubt in my mind that, no matter if the court decided yes or no, they wanted and loved me.
Luckily for me (and I have to say this because I can feel the stares of my whole family if I don't: luckily for them too) the answer was yes.
I think when it clicked for me, really fully clicked, was when I was about 10-13 and I found an old VHS tape with my name on it. I put it in and it was my family. My mom, dad, brother and sister. They were all standing in front of the camera and they were talking about me. My older brother said something I'll never forget. "I have a little sister, her name is Ellyendra. I guess she isn't ours yet but we want to keep her. I really hope we get to cause I love her a lot."
That. Did. It. Knowing that this awkward 14 year old kid loved me so much he was willing to say that into a camera for a tape my parents planned to send with me if I couldn't be theirs. I was a mess. I still can barely watch it now without bursting into tears. My brother and I are about 12 years apart and we are the best of friends.
It definitely helped that all of my extended family felt the same too. Anytime anyone would say something or make a comment or even mention adoption -- my aunts were like vultures. It's the most amazing feeling ever. "Well that doesn't matter she is ours! Always has been!" Followed by crushing hugs from at least five people.
4th Time Is A Charm
I was 6, my sister 11. She took to them right away but it took me about 6 months, this is abnormally long but because they were the 4th family to try and adopt us I thought I was going back into foster care, so I had an irrational hatred of them for several months.
1st family was deemd "too religious" after the adoption agency found out they locked our toys in the garage because they were 'possessed by satan'. We were only allowed to listen to instrumental Christian music in the house and when the 'dad' found out my sister was interested in Egypt he made her sit at the dinner table and forced her to write 10 reasons why "Her Egyptian gods were better than his".
She was 10.
The system was going to let them adopt us til our foster mom locked the agents in a room and told them they weren't allowed to leave until they wrote 10 reasons why we should be adopted by them... got the point across real well! I remember the house smelling like that incense they use to 'ward off demons' too.
2nd family They ended up not liking us because I had too many trauma triggers and they couldn't figure out how to deal with our PTSD and gave us back.
3rd try, The family got caught with several types of drugs. (This was a biological family member who offered to take us in.)
Then, of course, the people who actually adopted us. I did attempt to sabotage that adoption during my 1st week there by telling my foster mom they hit me and I hated them. My sister told her I was lying - which I am now grateful for.14 years later I am very glad they adopted my sister and I.
- amarettu
Dating Advice
It took about a year for me. I didn't really feel like they were my family until I was 13 (I had met them at 12), and I asked my step sister for advice on how to ask a girl out. I know it sounds stupid but that was when it really clicked that they were family and I could trust them.
Never
It never did, sadly. It was just incompatibility even though I was very very young (a toddler less than two) and honestly we just never fit.
I don't love them and I never did. I wanted to so badly. They felt the same way, I am sure. I always wondered if I was broken until I had my own family and found my bio siblings. I felt it then. I didn't actually know I was adopted until 18.
We just had really different personalities. My adoptive family were loud sports people. Mother wanted a girly girl pageant queen like the rest of the women in her family line. I am a quiet reader who is super interested in frogs.
I left home at 17 and we haven't spoken to each other in years since I was 30-ish.
I wish them well.
I feel a very strong connection to my bio family that I found when I was 18. Not my bio parents (they're useless) but I found siblings with my same sense of humour and my niece is so much like me it is scary. I had adopted siblings, but they were always like strangers even though we grew up together.
A Horrific Attempt
I was adopted at 6. My adopted family took me to Walmart and a guy tried grabbing/kidnapping me. My older brothers beat the crap out of him; one grabbed a skateboard and hit the guy over the head then they kicked him and stomped on him while he was on the ground. That's when I knew my family cared about me.
Fantastic Grandparents
I was adopted from foster care at 14. I definitely didn't feel like a real member of the family until I had my own child. I guess that seems odd. Getting gifts and things really made me feel awkward when I was younger but having them drop everything when I had a baby and step in as fantastic grandparents sealed the deal.
My adoptive mother always thought of me as her own. She says the stork left me on the wrong doorstep and it took her a while to find me. Although she raised my with her husband, they got divorced when I was in my early 20's. He was a wonderful grandpa to my firstborn but he met someone else and dropped out of our lives because it made his new wife uncomfortable.
That was hard to lose a family again, but my mom remarried a wonderful man and he is awesome to my kids. At this point after 32 years, we just don't think about it. Occasionally something funny will happen, we will talk about something she has and we might talk about it being hereditary before we remember and laugh. No one would ever guess, people always see similarities. My kids don't know. I am not hiding it but it just doesn't come up.
GiphyThe next question is usually about my bio parents. I talk to my father a few times a year. He had the option to keep me out of foster care but it just didn't work for him. My mom is a life long drug addict with a lengthy prison record for assault, terrorism, stalking, soliciting etc.
The first 12 years of my.life was horrific. I had no childhood. I visited her when I was 18, I thought maybe not having her child for the last 6 years would trigger something. She at first didn't remember having a child and then blamed me for her addictions. I walked away and have never looked back except to check in with her local pd every few years. She has a shopping cart that she parks near the station and they are all familiar with her.
I got very lucky to be adopted but I was a jerk at first. I had a lot of issues and truly belonging was hard.
Out Of State College
My aunt and uncle adopted me when I was 3 years old. What followed was years of emotional breakdowns, therapy, and social anxiety. For the longest time it never felt like I ever had or deserved a family, I eventually came to terms with me just in another living space. I did learn to love the family I was adopted into though. Around the time I was transferring colleges out of the state, my family was genuinely sad to see me leave and it kinda just hit me that these people actually loved me.
My late adoption caused long term self esteem issues, and this was the first time in my life I knew people could love and care about me. Everything my family did to accommodate me into our new home; therapy, letting me visit my birth parents, putting MY last name on the mailbox, and more was done out of complete love.
I'm 22 now and I'm going to be moving out in two months. I am very bad at expressing gratitude and I don't like hugging or talking to people but I'm doing literally all I can to try to convey that I love them. I've been looking bad at these last 19 years now and I feel horrible that I didn't believe they cared about me. I don't think they believe me when I tell them I love them. This is emotionally tolling on me but I'm gonna keep trying until I know they know.
- JoeBoco7
The stories aren't all heartwarming and happy, but they are all admirably vulnerable, honest, and eye opening.
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81-Year-Old Woman Finally Meets Her 104-Year-Old Birth Mother After 60 Years Of Searching
81-year-old Eileen Macken, of Ireland, has been looking for her birth mother for over 60 years.
With some help from a genealogist and RTÉ Radio 1's Liveline, she has finally found her.
Eileen has never known her birth mother.he was raised in an orphanage, but she began searching for her at the age of 19.
Macken reached out to RTÉ's Liveline last year in an attempt to get assistance in her search. She was able to retain the services of a genealogist, who finally traced her mother to Scotland.
Eileen's mother, Elizabeth, is still alive. She is currently 104-years-old, and is living in her own home with her family.
She wanted to meet Elizabeth, but Eileen said her family were concerned about her traveling so far and just showing up uninvited.
Eileen told Liveline's Joe Duffy that she eventually decided that she had to just "take the bull by the horns" and take the trip.
She made the journey with her husband, daughter, and son-in-law.
When they arrived at the house and knocked on the door, a man answered.
"I told him I was from Ireland and that I had found my mum here and could we come in and see her, and he said 'certainly.'"
She spent some time talking with her mother, calling the encounter a "great chat."
"She was reading the newspaper when she saw me, I said we were from Ireland and she said 'I was born in Ireland.'"
Macken said that she told her mother that she was her daughter, but she didn't think it quite sunk in.
That didn't affect their bonding over conversation though,
"She was thrilled and she never let go of my hand."
Many on Twitter were extremely happy for Eileen.
@rteliveline @joeliveline What a fabulous story but sad too as so many years they could have been together— Ethel Corduff (@Ethel Corduff) 1557439599
Eileen's tale hit several right in the feels—many happy tears were shed.
@rteliveline @joeliveline This made me cry such a fabulous story so touching #NeverGiveUp— Christine Burke Wash Your Hands💦👐💦 (@Christine Burke Wash Your Hands💦👐💦) 1557410626
@rteliveline @joeliveline Just the most amazing story. I cried tears of joy.— Mary Mooney (@Mary Mooney) 1557413172
@rteliveline @joeliveline I was in tears 😭 listening to this beautiful story here in NY God Bless then both— Deirdre (@Deirdre) 1557444891
Eileen told Liveline that she has been on cloud nine since she came home from her visit to Scotland.
"I don't think I'll ever come down out of the cloud."
Who can blame her? She had been searching for a lifetime and was finally reunited with her mother. A great deal of happiness seems appropriate.
Hoda Kotb Is Absolutely Beaming In Photo With Her Newly-Adopted Daughter, And We Couldn't Be Happier For Her
TODAY co-anchor Hoda Kotb celebrated with friends and family Tuesday after announcing she had just adopted her second child, a baby girl named Hope Catherine.
On Monday, the TODAY star shared a short inspirational message on Instagram writing "Choose Hope", but friends and fans wouldn't know the true meaning behind the message until the next day.
Early on Tuesday, Hoda rang up the rest of the TODAY cast to make a very special announcement: the adoption of her new daughter Hope Catherine Kotb.
Kotb's co-anchors cheered after she announced "It's a girl!" during a phone interview.
Some very happy news from our @hodakotb – she’s adopted another baby girl! And she has the sweetest name. https://t.co/Niss1aFG5u— TODAY (@TODAY) 1555417326
Hope is Kotb's second adoption with boyfriend Joel Schiffman after their daughter, Haley Joy, who is two-years-old.
"I'm feeding her, and I can't believe it,'' Hoda told her co-anchors. "I'm so happy she's here!"
Later TODAY shared a photo of Kotb and daughter Haley beaming as they welcomed her new sister to family.
Kotb, 54, first became a mom in 2017 after adopting daughter Haley Joy. Later Kotb realized she wanted to adopt again.
According to Kotb she already had the name picked out before she knew of the adoption.
"We had already thought of the name," Hoda told her co-anchors Savannah Guthrie and Jenna Bush Hager Tuesday, saying the word hope appeared in her journal "about ten million times."
"In my heart I was like, 'Please, God, I hope this is something you anticipate for me,'' she said. "To get the call is so mind-blowing, you can't believe someone's saying come and get her, she's here. It's amazing."
After the announcement Hoda's friends and TODAY Show family showered Kotb with well wishes.
Hope is here!!! https://t.co/wuEHf3yEGK— Savannah Guthrie (@Savannah Guthrie) 1555418189
I am still crying tears of joy since watching @hodakotb share her fabulous news. Welcome to the world, Hope. Perfect name for a spring baby!— Meredith Vieira (@Meredith Vieira) 1555447452
So much love!!!! Congratulations @hodakotb ...words can’t describe how happy I am for you and your beautiful family… https://t.co/GONK9GlwA8— Dylan Dreyer (@Dylan Dreyer) 1555425121
We're all @SavannahGuthrie when we heard that @hodakotb adopted a new baby girl! 💓 https://t.co/aLCKG4jGYs— TODAY with Hoda & Jenna (@TODAY with Hoda & Jenna) 1555424262
Congrats @hodakotb - what a beautiful testament to sharing your love and Hope with a beautiful baby girl!… https://t.co/X15CfZP6Ph— Gretchen Carlson (@Gretchen Carlson) 1555448204
Fans also joined in congratulating Hoda on the arrival of her new daughter.
@TODAYshow @hodakotb God bless you Hoda for giving another beautiful baby a home!— Laura (@Laura) 1555418390
@TODAYshow @hodakotb Congratulations @hodakotb !! I’m sitting here crying with everyone else 💖💖💖💖— Paula 🖤 (@Paula 🖤) 1555417447
@people So very happy for her! Congrats to Haley on getting a sibling.#morelove— SweetT (@SweetT) 1555424669
@TODAYshow @hodakotb Congratulations Hoda!! What an amazing blessing such a beautiful family!— Doretha (@Doretha) 1555420195
Kotb's daughter Haley Joy seems just as excited as her mom about the arrival of her new sister.
"It's been only a few days, but Haley Joy has already embraced her new role," Hoda said.
"This morning at breakfast, (Haley) was trying to feed (Hope) her raspberries, and I was like, 'Not yet, babe,'' Kotb joked with her co-anchors. "She was literally marching around saying, 'I'm a big sister!''
"I think having a sister to go through life with is so important,'' Hoda added. "Joel and I are older parents. I wanted to make sure there was somebody to witness her life."