Gender transition is a lot more complicated than pop culture usually makes it out to be (there is no such thing as a single "The Surgery", for example [and don't ask trans people about their surgical history if you're not their medical provider. That's a really weird thing to do.]) and not all transgender people will choose to, or be able to, transition. Sometimes transition looks like simply asking the people around you to use a different name and different pronouns to refer to you, and sometimes it might look like starting hormone replacement therapy or seeking gender-affirming surgeries—or any number of other things.
People who do transition tend to notice big differences in the way that the people around them act, and not just the people who knew them before and during their transitions. A lot of the ways strangers treat you are based on split-second judgements based on the way you look, dress, or behave, so changing those things can significantly change the way you're treated.
If you're interested in some of those often drastic and fascinating changes people noticed in others' behavior throughout their transitions, keep reading.
Reddit user TyDye386 asked:
"Trans people of Reddit, what was the biggest 'culture shock' you noticed after transitioning to your gender?"
Personal Space
"Almost no touching by non family members."
"When I was living as a woman they would give hugs, touch my shoulder or arms, even strangers when it wasn't always appreciated."
"As a man now they will shake your hand nothing else."
- Dutch_Rayan
One Of The Guys
"The difference between being friends with people of same and different genders is shocking."
"Now that I'm out to my friends my guy friends treat me much differently. I'm one of them now, and it's a lot different than being friends with guys as a girl, or even being friends with girls as a girl."
- MyChemicalFoemance
"I’m curious how did they treat you differently if you could elaborate? I’m fascinated on what changes you noticed from them."
- tylrss
"They (my male friends) have been much more relaxed around me, they've been considerably more comfortable making fun of me (jokingly) and also when it comes to like physical contact and stuff my female friends are much less touchy with me now that I've transitioned socially where as the guy friends are generally more touchy with me, both in roughhousing and standard like platonic affection. So that was interesting."
"They're definitely more open around me, they tend to talk about their girlfriends more around the other guys vs with the girls. The girls still talk about their partners with me though so that hasn't changed lmao"
- MyChemicalFoemance
"Sorry, Bud"
"People weren’t joking when they said Canadians use the word “bud” a lot when talking to boys."
- nightingalegrey15
"Congrats on your transition to Canadian!"
- Error707
"trans-can"
- miami-architecture
"On the flip side, as a recently out, currently transitioning, and in almost no way 'passing' trans woman, getting people to not call me that is a challenge and a half, especially if they knew me before."
"I literally want to get a soundboard of that clip from Hamilton where he aggressively says 'CALL ME "SON" ONE MORE TIME!!'"
-Secretly_Pineapple
"All I can think of is Terrance and Phillip though."
"'I'm not your buddy, pal' 'I'm not your pal, guy!' 'I'm not your guy, bud!'"
- rainshadow425
friendship buddies GIF by South Park Giphy*Nods*
"male here. suddenly no one gives a sh*t about me, i feel totally anonymous. No one makes any comments about me or double takes or smiles or anything. I’ll get a nod but that’s it."
- Bonesaucer
"Nods in agreement*"
- Mango Weasel
"Welcome to being a man. We have jackets."
- FrostyByte62
"More importantly, we have pockets."
- Zenki95
"The pockets are amazing. They are huge and numerous."
- Bonesaucer
"You Should Wear..."
"People telling me what I should be wearing. Like I was at work one time in a super market a customer was like. 'So when are you going to start wearing a dress.' 'I worked on the freezer aisle so ... never? There are literally other women here right now, none of them are wearing a dress?'"
"Honestly the biggest surprise for me when I came out to all my friends. They were round for RPG night and I told them. They were all like 'OK cool' apart from one who yelled 'CALLED IT!' I had it in my head that there was going to be this hugely negative experience. That bit happened when I told my family. But you know what they say. You don't get to choose who you are related too."
- Artsygem87
One Of The Girls
"The amount of women in my family, my female friends, and even female acquaintances now confiding every single deep dark detail of their life in me, or just openly talking about their every bodily function."
"I became 'One of the girls' way before I was comfortable with it."
- O_My_Goshness_No
"Yea one of the big parts of sisterhood- and why female friend groups are so vicious to one of their own being hurt- is because we know everything about each other."
"There are very few boundaries drawn between women, family members especially."
- h0n3yst
My Behavior Didn't Change
"I'm an autistic man mid-20s."
"Not being perfectly polite (like, down to the non-autistic standard I guess) and even a little blunt is now considered 'honesty' rather than 'rudeness' or 'talking back'."
- tollthedead
A Spectrum Of Reactions
"I'm a nonbinary trans man. I think the biggest culture shock for me has been how personally some of the women around me take my transition."
"I have been pleasantly surprised that most people of either gender are chill with my trans-ness."
"But I've found that of the people who take issue with it, women are much more vocal about it. Like, men will just pointedly not use my pronouns if they have an issue, but some of the women in my family literally try to guilt trip me about it and women who barely know me tell me not to "mutilate" my chest. Which made me realize fully that women actually do see their breasts as part of their body and losing them would be a loss like losing a leg whereas to me my sense of self starts underneath them to the point that lying on my stomach is frustrating because I feel like my chest can never actually touch whatever surface I'm laying on. So despite the comment being rude, it's surprisingly validating."
- anarchomoth
You Like That Thing? Prove It.
"I'm a game developer and probably know more about video games than most people. As a guy if I said I was a fan of this or that series it would basically be taken uncritically. Now, as a woman, in groups of mostly men when I say 'I really like Metal Gear Solid' there's a weirdly high incidence of dudes feeling the need to quiz me to prove that I'm a 'real' fan."
"I mean catcalls and generally not being as safe in public also sucks, but we all knew about that stuff. The weird part was just not being taken seriously anymore on stuff I'm actually quite knowledgeable on."
"Edit: The handful of replies to this doubting these experiences are a case study in irony. Way to prove the point."
- brainwarts
Finding Community
"Honestly the transgender/nonbinary culture on its own is so much cooler than i expected. transitioning turned out to be a treat when it allowed me to make friends with all these gorgeous, stylish queer people that support me and let me be who I am."
- Mysterious_Bite_7394
Do you have similar experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Retailer Sends Apology Letter After Staff Refused To Let Transgender Shopper Try On Clothes In Menswear Changing Rooms
A transgender shopper has been sent a personal letter of apology from British retailer Marks & Spencer after staff refused to let them try on clothes in the menswear changing rooms.
Myla Corvidae, 30, was born female and now identifies as transgender non-binary using they/them pronouns.
Myla Corvidae /SWNS.COM
They had picked up a few items of clothing from the menswear section of M&S in Aberdeen, Scotland, and wanted to try them on in the store.
But a member of staff told them they could not try the clothes on in the changing rooms by the menswear section.
Myla says they were told the facilities were "only for men" during the incident on December 31, 2019.
A spokesman for M&S admitted "a mistake was made" and the store has apologized - including a personal letter from the manager.
Myla, of Aberdeen, said:
"I'd picked up some shirts and jumpers from the menswear section and went into the changing rooms nearby. There was no attendant so I just went on in."
"I left the changing room to grab a bigger size in one of the jumpers and a female attendant approached me on the shop floor."
"She told me I couldn't use the changing rooms there as they were 'only for men' and said that I had to use the changing rooms downstairs which are for women."
"I was utterly shocked and the only thing I could think of to say was 'I'm not female' to which she looked me up and down, apologized and walked off."
"I felt sick, like I was being accused of some kind of crime just for trying on clothes. Afterwards, I went home and cried - I have never been accosted like that in a store before."
"I had to go back in and speak to someone in store because no one took it seriously the first time and I started crying even trying to talk about it again with them."
Myla Corvidae /SWNS.COM
Myla had been shopping in the Aberdeen City Center branch of Marks & Spencer regularly for the past five years before this happened.
Following the incident, Myla has complained to Marks & Spencer who have formally apologized to them both in person and via letter.
Despite the apology from the company, Myla feels unable to return to the shop due to the distress caused on that day.
Myla said:
"I don't think the apology was enough to be honest, it shouldn't have ever happened to start with and I have lost confidence in Marks & Spencer as a company for standing up for trans folk like myself."
"I still feel scared to shop at Marks & Spencer in case it happens again elsewhere or if I have to deal with that same person again."
"The fact that I saw a female using the space at the same time in full view of the attendant when I left the changing rooms just made it so much more of a personal attack."
"I honestly don't think I would go back there, I don't want to have to experience something like that again or see that staff member again."
"I am still very much upset by what happened and if I were to go back I wouldn't go on my own and I would not be shopping for clothes there again."
Myla Corvidae /SWNS.COM
An M&S spokesperson said:
"With our fitting rooms we only offer individual lockable cubicles and this is to ensure every customer feels comfortable and has the privacy they need."
"The fitting rooms are located within our womenswear and menswear departments and therefore are mainly used by customers of that gender. However, as an inclusive retailer and in line with most other retailers, we allow customers the choice of fitting room in respect of how they identify themselves."
"Clearly on this occasion a mistake was made, we have apologized to our customer for this incident, additionally our store manager wrote a personal apology assuring the customer they have spoken to the team."
Straight People Divulge Which Questions They've Been Too Embarrassed To Ask Their LGBTQ Friends And Family
Being someone who is in the LGBTQIA+ community, I always really appreciate open conversation with people outside the community. There's no shame in asking questions--it's best to foster the conversation rather than make assumptions. But straight people will always have questions. Here are some of them.
u/VictorAnichebend asked: [Serious] Straight people of Reddit, what questions do you have for LGBT people you'd be too embarrassed to ask in person?
nobody will expel you from the gayhood......
Sexuality is not black and white, there's a lot of grey areas. So, yes, it's perfectly ok for a gay guy to feel attracted to a girl at some point. I think that's the biggest difference between homosexuality and heterosexuality: If you are gay and kiss a girl nobody will expel you from the gayhood, if you are straight and kiss another man you'll be forever known as a closeted gay. rgb-queiroz
Eye Roll Issue....
GiphyI dated a girl who was pansexual for a time but never bothered to ask her what the difference is between being bi and being pan. Mostly cause it doesn't matter if there's a difference but I am kinda curious because when I was dating her I told a gay friend of mine she was pan and he kinda rolled his eyes. P2Pbytaxes
Outing.
What was it like to come out to your parents/people you care about? Btw for those that have traditional parents, I'm so proud of you. juandeagen
I never got the coming out story everyone else has, because I was outed to my parents. The hardest person to come out to was a girl I worked with who obviously had feelings for me. Tried to let her down gently but I just felt like an arsehole. VictorAnichebend
"I think I have a crush on this girl."
I came out to one of my friends first in like 6th grade (I know its crazy young). The thing is I had just moved from the North to the South my 6th grade year. When I first arrived to my school I easily made friends. I started dropping hints to my new friends. Some of them picked up, and some didn't. I came out to a girl during lunch in the bathroom. All I said was "I think I have a crush on this girl."
She was so nice to me and we're still friends to this day. She was the first person to really accept me and make me feel ok about my sexuality considering I was so young. We always talked during school and she just was so nice and understanding. However with my parents I never "formally" came out. They just went through my phone and found texts and my social media with the pride flag in it. lilaanh
"yes mam" or "no sir"
GiphyI guess this is more for the Ts, but who knows. I live in Atlanta and have been raised in the rural south my whole life. Mam and Sir are hardwired into my vocab and always will be. I feel like a moron or an fool when I hear your voice on the drive thru, or your voice from across a room and respond with "yes mam" or "no sir" etc and i look up to see you are of the opposite gender. How would you want me to respond in those situations to show you I'm apologetic and not actively trying to be insensitive? I fear rewiring southern traditions at 35 y/o may be too difficult. MK18_Ocelot
How do you dictate?
Sexuality is entirely a spectrum of people with varying desires, drives, and needs. There are people that find sex as a repulsive as picking somebody's nose, and others who are total horndogs. Some people want to take people to pound town, others like it slow and sensual, and kissing is hotter than penetrative sex. Your sexual preference largely doesn't dictate this. Commander_Shepard_
To the T's....
To the T's out there, how and when did you realize.
I have a trans friend who is currently socially transitioning so I don't want to ask heavy questions as she has recently gone through a lot.
Edit: don't want to be that guy but this blew up in terms of notifications. SheepishBlacksmith
My anonymous blood-relation said it was coming on slowly for a while but it finally clicked for her in class. She had already been questioning for a few months when this happened. Her all female table group was being very rowdy so the teacher said "ladies quiet it down!" And she just knew when she was called a lady that it was right. Gay-Alchemist
BI the way...
Where can I go to learn about the newer terms and what they mean? I don't know what asexual or pansexual or many other terms and I would just prefer to not be ignorant. jesusz1lla
I know it's cliche, but seriously, just google the terms. You'll quickly come up with several places that will explain the terms. However, I'll explain the two you specifically mentioned. Asexual in terms of sexuality means a person just has no or very little sex drive and/or really isn't attracted to any gender. Pansexual pretty much means they can be attracted to anyone regardless of gender or biological sex.
There is an argument as to if this is synonymous with bisexual with many people saying the are and others saying they aren't. As a bisexual myself, I come down on the no category because many, like myself, are only attracted to males and females but not, for example, hermaphrodites. Every pansexual I have discussed this are also be attracted to the people that fall outside of the typical male/female categories.
Slight edit to slightly more clarify asexuality. JPKent80
Not the Sheep.
GiphyI asked my gay friend "What if a guy is gay but only has sex with sheep? No, no, stop laughing and you didn't let me finish the question. They guy is gay but only has sex with MALE sheep? What about that?" He just laughed and said "What the hell is wrong with you? That's not being gay or straight, that's just being as sheep fool!"
And that's the story of how I accepted my gay friend for who he is and let him know that no matter what he would always be my friend. That is also the story of why my gay friend called me "closet sheep fool" for the rest of the night. sovereignsekte
The Hard Way.
Is it hard being lgbt. m0rh3n
Yes, very. I am blessed with a very supportive family who didn't bat an eye when I came out. But there's still the rest of the world.
I can't go to school without people screaming about how I'm going to hell in the courtyard. My SO's family is catholic so we're constantly sneaking around so they don't have to know I exist. In general you're just trying to live life then BOOM. There is something or someone reminding you that you don't fit in and they don't want you to exist. Gay-Alchemist
It's all about boundaries.
I'm female, In college I had a friend who was a lesbian, and we ended up sharing a room for a few years. I always wondered but never felt right asking; is it okay for me to change down to nearly naked (we kept underpants on) when she was also in the room, since we were both women? Or should I step into the bathroom, the way I would if it was a male friend in the room, due to attraction? It felt like a silly question and I didn't want to cause tension or be insulting. I ended up just changing in the room, since it was three years and constantly hiding would have gotten tiresome.
But I did wonder if maybe I had actually been doing something awkward without realizing it?
This may have been something to ask her. I know it probably felt too awkward to do so at the time, but I think it's good, regardless of sexuality, to have a clear understanding of each other's boundaries. In other words, even if your roommate was straight, it probably would have been good to just say something like, "Hey, would you prefer I change in the bathroom, or are you ok with me changing in here?"
Of course, you definitely don't want to assume she's attracted to you simply because you're a woman, just as you don't want to assume what her general comfort level is like with this type of stuff. And probably vice versa on her side, with you, because your boundaries are also important to take into consideration.
I think it varies from person to person - different people will be ok with different things. I'm a lesbian who's had three different female roommates of three different sexualities during these past few college years, and in every case, I asked to make sure I didn't make my roommates uncomfortable.
One of my roommates was comfortable being completely naked in front of me when she was changing, another always stepped into the restroom or wore a bathrobe (not because she was creeped out by me, but because that's just how she rolled), and my current one is comfortable with me seeing her in underwear. Of course I always made sure to reciprocate and never overstep the comfort level of my roommates. I think if you just asked casually without making it a huge thing, there is little chance your roommate would have been offended.
I guess we'll never know how she felt unless she says, but it sounds like you both got through it ok. If it disturbed her too much, she most likely would have said something. I'm sure you were fine.
Definitely.
GiphyWhen they have gay couples in movies and TV shows, does that actually make you feel included?
It feels really good. I'm not against straight couples or anything, but it's really good to see a gay couple in something.
Well put.
Gay dude here, but was just thinking about this earlier today:
Do people who identify as asexual enjoy pleasuring themselves?
Not Ace myself, but asexual people often enjoy sex and self stimulation but simply do not experience sexual attraction.
It's ok.
How do you help let someone know that it's ok?
I have a friend Daniel who's turning 30 and never been with anyone. He's never come out or acknowledge it and actually expresses disgust at other gay men. When he sees other men holding hands in public or at a gay bar, he will tell me how gross they are.
He has an obvious crush on one of my other guy friends Ben (who's married to a woman). Ben could sense it too and told him in a light hearted joking way that he wasn't gay. Daniel reacted angrily that he wasn't gay then later that night, left literally 12 miss calls/ messages that he wasn't gay to me and another friend who witnessed it.
He has depression and I've watched him become so sad and really selfish. He has become obsessed with how he looks as well. I think a part of what has triggered his depression is about being gay and in denial. He also encourages other friends in bad relationships (infidelity etc) to stay with each other despite it obviously being not ok.
Valid question.
GiphyI've been fortunate enough to have quite a few close friends who were gay in my lifetime, so I've got no "how do things work" kind of questions that haven't been answered.
However, one of my favorites that I always ask when we're in the process of becoming friends... If you're around my age (mid-30's), and a gay guy, did you first realize you might be gay when watching the volley ball scene in Top Gun? And if not, why are you lying to me about when you first realized you were gay?
Everyone has their own story.
How old where you when you realized you were LGBTQ? Did you feel guilt at first because you were so-called "different" from the other kids? No disrespect intended of course.
It took me a long time to accept that I was bi, I thought for many of my teen years that it was just me being sexually over whelmed and hence I didn't care who I fantasized about or what I had to do to lose my virginity.
My first sexual partner was my girlfriend at the time but I almost had a relationship with an older boy in my high school but I got scared about people in my family finding out and especially my parents since my dad was not kind about anyone being lgbt.
It was until my 20's that I decided to experiment and then after some time I accepted I'm bi and yeah I'm happy about being honest with my family and myself.
Okay Patrick Bateman.
Do you look in the mirror and get turned on?
Kinda, but that has more to do with my narcissism.
Do you like Huey Lewis and the News?
Classic.
Do you ever get confused about your own desires? Like, do you see a nice butt and you're not sure if you want that butt or if you want that butt?
Ah yes, the classic 'be him or f*** him' dilemma.
Nibling.
What do I call my sister's child now? I know that they use they, them, their as pronouns and that is all good. I know they have chosen a name they want to be addressed as and that is all good too. What I don't know is how would I refer to them in conversation to show our relationship. They are neither my niece nor my nephew. So is it just , this is my sister's child? Or is there a phrase or a reference that I should be using?
Probably just ask.
I came out to my half-sister, and she asked what her kids should call me (I said "uncle" because I think some of the new words sound a little childish). If any of my extended family gave a sh*t about LGBT people or my preferences, I'd just prefer to be called "one of [mom's] kids". But some might want to be called niece, nephew, nibling, sibkid, etc
High School Athlete In Legal Battle To Stop Trans Girls From Competing Against Her Undermines Her Case By Beating Trans Opponent In Race
Chelsea Mitchell, a student athlete, filed a case against trans students participating on the track team.
She claims it's "unfair" for trans girls to race against her in the sport.
However, shortly after filing the case, she beat another fellow sprinter—who happened to be a trans girl.
The lawsuit was filed by the Christian law firm Alliance Defending Freedom, known for its strict anti-abortion stance as well as their attacks on LGBTQ equality. It argued that trans students have an unfair advantage to cisgender students, and that they have "deprived" them from titles and scholarship opportunities.
Despite statistics showing no such advantage exists, people still claim the lie is reality.
On February 14th, Mitchell beat Terry Miller in a 55m race. As a result, the case seems to have lost some credibility.
However, Mitchell stood her ground.
"I don't think it could go against [the case], there's still tons of girls that lose on a daily basis."
"I try to just clear everything out of my mind, this is just track, you know, it's just running, just focusing on myself, not trying to think about anything else that's been happening."
The ACLU made a statement on this particular case that it is a "a dangerous distortion of both law and science in the service of excluding trans youth from public life".
The same complaint was filed by two additional girls—recruited by anti-trans groups—in the Connecticut school system.
A week later, a united front of women and LGBTQ+ rights organizations stood with Miller, and released a public statement collectively. Many groups cosigned on the statement, which was in support of transgender student athletes competing alongside their cisgender peers.
Miller herself released a statement on the complaint, defending her participation as a sprinter.
"I have faced discrimination in every aspect of my life and I no longer want to remain silent."
"I am a girl and I am a runner. I participate in athletics just like my peers to excel, find community, and meaning in my life. It is both unfair and painful that my victories have to be attacked and my hard work ignored."
Many folks on the internet have jumped to Miller's defense.
All this b/c two Black trans girls Andraya Yearwood & Terry Miller of @ChangingGameDoc sometimes win their races &… https://t.co/rNYl29YwPi— alex schmider (@alex schmider) 1581530103
Kinda undercuts the whole argument that trans women competing vs cis women is unfair doesn't it https://t.co/XHMpM6X8tV— Maddie (@Maddie) 1581947563
https://t.co/0J8WAKdfGx So the CT sore loser actually beat her long time rival, who happens to be transgender, yet… https://t.co/NH9o5YzlrM— John McCrostie (@John McCrostie) 1582132019
After losing a championship race by two-hundredths of a second, Terry Miller applauded someone who is literally sui… https://t.co/6RxauiYLwb— Alex Putterman (@Alex Putterman) 1581739367
@transgrlinexile They will say she lost on purpose because of the heat— Emma Nicole W. (@Emma Nicole W.) 1581948800
Kate Farrar, the executive director of Connecticut Women's Education and Legal Fund, was one of the cosigners on the collective statement.
She told Outsports:
"The heart of feminism is acknowledging gender identify and recognizing all aspect of oppression. In that vein, we felt the need to show a united front of support for transgender rights in our state."
'Empire' Actress Slammed After Criticizing Dwyane Wade For Allowing His 12-Year-Old Daughter To Transition
Serayah McNeill, who plays Tina Brown on Fox's Empire, recently posted a video to her Instagram story criticizing Dwyane Wade for being supportive of his daughter Zaya's transition.
Wade has been very loving and supportive of his daughter's choice to be honest with herself and everyone else about who she is.
McNeill questioned Wade's support of his daughter's coming out, saying that the decision was "premature."
She also described coming out as a "life-changing decision that can never be undone." McNeill went on to criticize other supportive parents as well.
She claimed her suspicion was coming from:
"the age of the child, and I think it's not only his kid. There are plenty of kids and their parents are letting them do this."
“I think everything is a little bit too much premature. I don't care if you're boy or a girl, for me, there's things we need to be worried about."
McNeill wasn't the only public figure to slam Wade for loving and supporting his daughter. Rapper Young Thug recently tweeted a criticism of Wade and misgendered Zaya.
He excused the offense by saying:
"God don't make mistakes."
Recent research by a group of University of Washington researchers has shown that transgender kids are just as sure of their gender identities as cisgender kids. Making trans kids wait to transition, and putting barriers between them and gender affirming care, isn't doing them any favors.
The video, and McNeill's statements, were widely criticized by Twitter users.
This just made me mad https://t.co/kKerutRVkN— 🌹XII.VIII.MCMXCIV🌹 (@🌹XII.VIII.MCMXCIV🌹) 1582076590
She thinks these kids are going through a phase.. why would u want them to grow up unhappy.. LISTEN TO THESE KIDS..… https://t.co/W6hppKLfUV— 🌹XII.VIII.MCMXCIV🌹 (@🌹XII.VIII.MCMXCIV🌹) 1582076902
Many people also made the point that Zaya's parents never mentioned that she was medically transitioning.
They said they love her and support her for who she is.
@forevrblushing Why are people automatically assuming that Zaya is undergoing a physical transition right now? Did… https://t.co/jv9jedfiNJ— Anthony. (@Anthony.) 1582089460
@forevrblushing I’m convinced none of these ppl watched wades interview. Just going off what was told to them or as… https://t.co/bTWqwOQLQJ— 🌹 RoseGawd 🌹 (@🌹 RoseGawd 🌹) 1582097950
@ut0piaaaa @forevrblushing THANK YOU OMG. This is something everyone completely disregards.— Draya 🧚🏾♀️✨ (@Draya 🧚🏾♀️✨) 1582078464
@forevrblushing Or “FOR ME” like yeah? For YOU— Ms.Tesfaye 🖤 (@Ms.Tesfaye 🖤) 1582085719
McNeill also falsely equated being transgender to being gay, in an apparent attempt to sound more accepting in her rant.
"I'm accepting of my child being gay, that's OK, but there are so many others things around that in society that is pressuring children and parents to be a certain type of way."
Trans kids are who they say they are. One of the best things a parent can do is believe them and love them unconditionally.
The Wades are doing the best they can for Zaya by loving and supporting her.