Okay first things first. I'm going to start this off by reassuring you that there will be actual recipes in this article. I'm not a terrible person. You're welcome.
Now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's get to the real meat and potatoes here, shall we? Yeah. Peep that food pun. We all love recipe articles, but let's be honest - how do you know if you can trust the person's palette? How do you know you're not taking recipe advice from whoever came up with that peas and mayo pizza abomination? Ask chefs. Chefs entire job is to know food, right? One redditor asked:
Chefs of Reddit, what's the greatest recipe you've ever come across?
These were some that sounded tastiest (and easiest - we know our audience is a busy bunch) to us. Have fun fam!
Beer And Carbs
Beer bread. It is one of the easiest things to make and who doesn't like fresh bread. Take a can of beer, 3 cups of flour, 3 teaspoons of baking powder, 1 teaspoon of salt and mix it together. Put it in a bread pan and throw it in the oven at 375 for an hour. That's it.
Chocolate Potato Cake
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I'm not a chef, but my mom bakes...she's far from a "professional", but she's known for her baking.
She makes something called a chocolate potato cake.
I know it sounds weird, but it has a cup of cooked, mashed (sans milk & butter in them) potatoes in it. The end result is AMAZING! Super-rich, moist chocolate cake. People will fight over the last piece of it.
Anyway, she made the cake for a friend's party...and at that party was a culinary chef who absolutely loved the cake...and wanted the recipe.
Mom gave it to him on one condition; he didn't share it.
Fast forward; the recipe is published in a culinary magazine, under the name of the guy that wanted the recipe.
Asshole.
But based on that, I'd have to consider it to be a great recipe if a trained chef stole it.
EDIT / UPDATE!!
You've been asking for it, so here it is! The actual recipe that was "stolen". Please note, I have never claimed that she "invented" this recipe. This is merely the recipe that she has used over the years. There's ONE condition though, if you do make it, please let me know how it turned out for you and I'll pass it along to my mom. My mom would be happy knowing that the recipe worked for people.
PEI POTATO CHOCOLATE CAKE
- 1 cup hot mashed potatoes, not seasoned
- 1 cup lukewarm water
- 2/3 cup soft margarine
- 2 cups white sugar
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- 4 eggs
- 2 cups flour
- 3/4 cup cocoa
- 2 1/4 teaspoons baking powder
- 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
- 1/8 teaspoon salt
- 3/4 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
Preheat oven to 350°F . Prepare cake pan (tube pan) by lightly greasing & then dusting with flour. Whisk water into well mashed potatoes until a smooth mixture is formed. Cool to lukewarm.
Beat margarine & sugar with electric mixer until combined. Add vanilla & beat 2 minutes at medium speed. Add 2 eggs and beat until blended. Add remaining 2 eggs. Beat at medium speed until blended. Sift together dry ingredients & stir to combine. At low speed, add 1/3 of the sifted dry ingredients, alternately with half the potato mixture, until all is blended.
Fold in chocolate chips. Turn batter into prepared pan. Bake in over for about 55 minutes. Cool on rack. Top with confectioners' sugar.
Enjoy!
Mexican Coke Is Key
There was a carnitas recipe on Reddit not long ago... tried it, even went to a special grocery store for Mexican coke since the recipe is different than typical american Coke... it was heavenly. And so inexpensive. And freezes so well. Three criteria for a great bulk recipe that makes your life easier, your wallet richer, and your soul happier.
Edit to add recipe from original post. If you want to find it, its on r/slowcooker
Inspired by /u/Lalalaraee !
4 pounds (or 2 kg) pork butt (or shoulder)
3-4 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon pepper
1 tablespoon dried oregano (or Mexican oregano)
1 tablespoon ground cumin
1 large brown or white onion, cut into wedges
8 cloves garlic, smashed
2 limes, juiced
2 large oranges, juiced (or 3/4 cup natural orange juice)
3/4 cup Original coke (Mexican coke is ideal)
2 bay leaves
Combine everything and cook on low for 8-10 hours. Don't discard liquid!
Place on baking sheet, cover with 1 cup of liquid and broil. Watch closely!
The recipe recommended broiling for 15 minutes but I only broiled for 5, any longer and ours would have burned. Enjoy guys!
- 8365815
Cereal in Cookies?
Chicago Crunch Chocolate Chip Cookies. My mom originally saw the recipe in Woman's Day or Family Circle years ago but this is the same one from Recipeland. She'd make these every holiday gathering and when my younger brother and I had curriculum day early release. Some people think it's weird to put corn flakes inside of your cookies, but it's actually pretty common in some places. I've just never seen it done quite like this before.
"Impossible To Overdo"
Peposo (a black pepper based stew) is pretty great for home cooks. It looks classy as sh!t, it's easy, doesn't take much work, and absolutely "holy hell how can something be this good" delicious if you don't cook often.
The only downside is that they don't get to see you make it since the "impressive" part of the cooking happens about 3.5 hours before the finishing.
All you need is short rib (bone in you savages), a bottle of Chianti, and a ludicrous quantity of pepper. Of course, salt, tomato paste, a couple herbs, and some rice is definitely a plus.
Smash/crush some garlic, mix with tomato paste and liberally smear onto the short rib.
Buy whole black pepper corns. Crush some using a cutting board and skillet, maybe 2 tablespoons for 3 pounds? I've never measured, and usually add ground pepper too.
Put the beef in a pot/saute pan, add pepper on top. Poke in some herbs/ bag leaves/whatever if you have it. Pour in most of a bottle of Chianti. The cheap but not completely shit kind with work. Set it on high heat, turn down as low as you can right before boil. Add lid. Leave for 2 hours. Optionally flip beef prices and if possible, slide the bone out. If you take the bones out, leave them in the pot. Cook for another hour-hour and a half. It's basically impossible to overdo this stuff, so just don't stop until it's basically falling apart when you touch it. Remove the herbs, beef, and bones. Give the bones to the dog. Enjoy his eternal love. Uncover and turn the heat back as high as it will go. Reduce until it's nice and thick or it's half the volume it was. Salt to taste (taste your food numbnuts). Put rice/polenta on a plate in a pretty shape. Stack some meat chunks on top. Pour over your sauce (you might need to whisk it to combat separation).
Make sure to make sexy eyes when they take a bite, they will have a spontaneous orgasm.
Honorable mention for learning to make your own marinade so that all your meat tastes better.
Is Grilled Guac Extra?
I make a grilled guacamole. Pretty standard guacamole recipe but everything gets charred on the grill and then cut and mashed. Creates the most delicious smoky flavor and takes guac to the next level! Something I thought couldn't be done.
The Best Mashed Potato
Mashed potato recipe I found online that blew away the competition this thanksgiving
Boil 5 lbs of quartered, unpeeled Yukon gold or Idaho gold taters in 4 cups of whole milk, 4 cups of heavy cream, 9 sprigs of thyme, 8 cloves of garlic, 3 bay leaves. Once they are mashable, strain potatoes, remove herbs, mash, then fold the strained milk concoction back in slowly. Fold in 2-4 tablespoons of butter, roughly 2 tablespoons of olive oil, salt, pepper, and 3 tablespoons of grainy mustard.
I made turkey too so I took the bacon I used to keep the turkey moist and minced it and threw that in the mashed taters as well. Finally, to make it healthy, I threw in a handful of chopped parsley. Gold it up nicely. Watch as your taters are annihilated at thanksgiving and the sad, russet potato, dry as f*ck mash remains untouched!
- caessa_
EZ Mode Fish
I did the chef thing for a while but didn't like the end-game. Switched focus to bodybuilding but still have some ezmode recipes that even redditors can't screw up.
Fish. Tilapia / Salmon / Whatev
- Let sit till room temp. Put it on a sheet of foil.
- Drizzle with olive oil.
- Add lemon pepper and creole or season-all.
- Pinch of parsely. Can be fresh, doesn't matter.
Fold it up in foil, like a pouch, so no fluid will escape. Bake it at 425F (Make sure oven is preheated.) for 10-12 minutes depending on how big it is. 10 will be safe to eat for any size and 12 won't overcook the smallest pieces so set your timer for 10 minutes and if it sits in the oven an extra 2 don't stress.
Unwrap it and you're good to go. Restaurants will charge a good $15-30 for this and you can make this for under $5.
The Many Chapters Of Chicken Wings
Righto, you want some hot wings? Heres my EC Wings recipe, not for the faint of heart y'all. The EC - Existential Crisis - wing recipe is all about level of burn and interaction of different SHU levels in chilli tastes. Let's get her rollin ey, cos this one will take at least a day to throw together.
Wings, part 1
Get yerself 4 wings - This recipe is for 4 of em so multiply ingredients if needs be - and chuck em in a sealable freezer bag SKIN ON. This ain't about dietary concerns. Add about
- 80mls of Soy Sauce (Sweet Soy if you're skipping the sauce step further down)
- 30mls of Red Wine Vinegar
- 60mls Lime Juice, fresh squeezed. None of that bottled shit.
- 2 cloves of Garlic (finely diced, or a heaped tablespoon of Garlic Paste)
- a heaped Teaspoon of Carolina Reaper Paste. For the Reaper paste I recommend Chilli Factory's one, although this can be substituted for whatever you want heat wise - Sometimes I'll use a smokey Chipotle instead if I'm cooking for others who ain't on my chilli level. Regardless: for this recipe, the hottest chilli yer using is for the Marinade.
Mix all that up in a Blender or in a bowl with a fork if you're old fashioned like that, pour it into the bag with the chook and seal it. Give her a good shake for coverage and chuck it in the fridge overnight - absolute minimum of 12 hours to marinate.
The sauce:
Another overnighter, borrowed this recipe from online and tweaked it a bit. Not a necessary addition, but you'll be robbing yourself if you don't do it as well.
- 12 finely diced Birds Eye Chillies (Peri Peri)
- One clove of Garlic
- 40ml White Vinegar
- 1/2 teaspoon of salt
Combine and let her sit in room temperature for 12 hours or overnight, longer the better IMO. Now, before cooking the chicken - as the sauce has gotta cool - drop the sauce mix into a small saucepan on medium heat. Add a teaspoon of Caster Sugar and stir through, bringing it to the boil. Then crank yer heat down and let it simmer till the chillies are soft. Pour out and let that cool, I usually chuck mine in e freezer for 30 mins then fridge it. Once cooled, blender time til nice and smooth.
Guess what you just made? SRIRACHA. Noice. Well, Sriracha is with Jalapeños but whatevs, I'm manly and jalapeños are nothing to me. Plus, Jalapeños are in the Part 2 of the chicken.
Anywho, whilst the sauce is chilling in the fridge, pour 100ml of Orange (or Mango, mango works great too) Juice and a shot of Grand Marnier into a small saucepan. Reduce at high heat, whilst sprinkling more caster sugar in slowly, continuously stirring when it comes back to the boil. Once the consistency is thick like cream, take it off the heat, combine it with the homemade Sriracha, and chuck it back in the fridge. You're left with a fruity dipping sauce that will punch you in the face if you look at it wrong.
Chicken, part 2
Almost there. This step is entirely optional as well, but in for a penny eh?
Finely dice about 6 decent sized Habaneros and [follow this guide here] (https://np.reddit.com/r/spicy/comments/3j5lqs/my_homemade_habanero_powder_xpost_from_rfood/). PROTIP: open all your windows and maybe even chuck on a face mask as the fumes get stuck in the back of your throat pretty damn well.
Chicken part 3, the final chapter
Get yerself a bowl with a few whipped up eggs in it, and two shallow bowls. To one of em, add...
- Half a cup of Breadcrumbs
- Tablespoon of Salt (I use Himalayan Pink Salt because I'm classy as fuck like that)
- Tablespoon of Cracked Black Pepper (Sichuan Peppercorns if you got em, distinct flavour base change for the better)
- Sprinkle of Cayenne pepper
- Dried Chillies from earlier. If you didn't do that shrug your loss IMO, cos it makes the recipe.
To the other bowl, chuck a cup of flour in it. Grab your wings one at a time but keep the rest of the Marinade. Give the wings a shake to get rid of excess Marinade, even pat em down with a paper towel. Why, you ask? All that acid from the vinegar and juice earlier has already penetrated the meat like a Seviche and brought the Reaper paste and garlic flavour with it so it's only needed just prior to cooking now. Give it a dredging in the flour, and carefully dip through the egg wash. Next, hold over the bowl with the chilli breading bits, grab a handful of the mixture and sprinkle it on til you can't see the meat anymore. DO NOT dredge it in the Breading Mix, trust me. Place the wing on a lightly oiled pan, and when fully loaded back in the fridge uncovered for an hour. This should set the breaded bits.
Finally, preheat your oven to 180 degrees Celsius and slide those bad boys in there for 15 minutes give or take. Baste over the top with the extra Marinade every 5 minutes, and turn over.
After that long and complicated process, you'll have the Best Goddamn Hot-Wings you'll ever eat, or my name ain't Fatbeard. Which it obviously ain't, but y'know what I mean.
Who's hungry?
Blue Cheese And Cinnamon?
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My dad is a chef and he always makes unusual and delicious stuff. Homemade spicy cocktail sauce with grated jicama in it. Marinade jalapeno slices in soy sauce, it's great.
The best is something that only other chefs are ever excited to try, but it's so amazing. Stick with me on this. . . Blue cheese cinnamon rolls.
Start with a good yeast dough, fill with a cinnamon mix that is heavy on the cinnamon and a bit a nutmeg and all spice, and light on the brown sugar. No white sugar at all.
One risen and baked sprinkle with blue cheese crumbles while still warm. Once slightly melty drizzle with a white glaze.
Do not use cream cheese frosting. Do not frost. Light on the sugar glaze, do not treat it like you think you're Johnson's corner.
I promise it's amazing.
H/T: Reddit
Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.
More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.
Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.
Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.
Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:
"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"
Don't Give Me So Much Credit...
'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."
"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."
"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."
"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"
"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher
Eternal Optimism...
"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."
"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465
Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...
"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”
"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”
"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia
Awkward Season 8 GIF by The Office
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Double Whammy!
"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."
"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93
Can't Hide Your DNA...
'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."
"She cracked the code."
"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93
Self-Sufficient!
"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."
"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."
"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'
"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody
Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman Animations
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A Miracle!
"My brother-in-law’s comment."
"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."
"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."
"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."
"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."
"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."
"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"
"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn
Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...
"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."
"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."
"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."
"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."
"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379
Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K.
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A Bit Too On The Nose?
"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."
"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."
"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."
"'What would you expect to find there?'"
"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB
Not Yet, Anyway...
"I was working with my friend and his dad."
"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."
"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."
"His dad asked, 'what for?'"
"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."
"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890
Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...
"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."
"She told this story to him:"
"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."
"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."
"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."
"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."
"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."
"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."
"She asked him what was wrong."
“'What’s wrong???'"
"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714
On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSO
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Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...
"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."
"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52
Read The Room People!
"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."
"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."
"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"
"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl
There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".
As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.
