"Do not copy"
ryan newman no GIF by Alexander IRLGiphySome secretary of some branch of a state agency would go on a power trip and stamp, "Do not copy" on things that she sent to local agencies.
Well, I work for an oversight agency and I needed a copy. Locals were terrified so I rolled my eyes and called to explain that the locals and I were basically the same entity. Woman started to have a conniption fit, but she got real quiet when I cut her off and said, "Fine, I'll issue a subpoena. What's your name and job title?" She answered, and the sheriff served her a subpoena for what I wanted. Guess she wasn't used to that.
"You can't get me now! I'm inside!!"
This is a bit silly, but gave me a great feeling of satisfaction. Due to the bad economy and poor money management, my parents have moved into the spare room of the house my husband and I bought a year ago. Things are mostly smooth, tho I'm not the closest to them for several reasons I won't go into here.
The other evening I was out gardening (because it's hot during the day and we have the luck of having a streetlight right next to our front yard, keeping it pretty well illuminated even after sundown, I mostly garden at night), and I thought I had gotten the hose twisted, as it kept getting stuck. This went on for a bit, when I realized that it wasn't stuck, but being pulled. I looked into the dim area just past the illumination of the street light and spied my father, crouched over and tugging the hose. Well I did the only reasonable thing to do, and I sprayed him. He yelled and ran inside with me chasing.
Once he got inside he made a face and goes "You can't get me now! I'm inside!!" In that father-to-daughter-don't-you-make-a-mess tone of voice.
I readied my hose, looked him in the eye and said, "It's my house." And just let loose with the hose. He was soaked. Worth cleaning up the mess for that moment of true fear in his eyes.
Edit: thanks for all the appreciation! I'm glad my silly story made your day better!!
No Popcorn for You!
I worked in management at a theatre for a while. If the concession counter was slammed and I was able, I'd leave my post and help them sling popcorn.
One night while helping out, a particularly belligerent man started cussing out a 16year old girl on a cash register for being too slow, even suggesting she quit since she clearly couldn't handle pushing buttons or scooping popcorn.
It was pretty disgusting and I felt so bad for the girl, I stepped in and told the guy that our employees have the right to refuse service to customers who harass them as part of our anti-harassment/discrimination policy, empathized that the lines were longer than usual, and suggested he should apologize and move on. He was PISSED.
Left half his order on the counter and started fuming off.
Anticipating his next move, I went back to my original post that night - as manager of the customer service kiosk. Oh boy, the look on his face when he saw me. (Didn't want a refund of his tickets though so I assume he watched the movie, without popcorn).
7 Years Later....
The guy that i'd gone on a few dates with introduced me to his parents, things went well, or so i thought.
he drives me home, we end up talking and drinking a few beers, i didn't want him on the road with any alcohol in his system, and i enjoyed his company, so we end up hanging out until 3am. His mom starts blowing up his phone, demanding that he comes home, so he drives himself home to find that he's been locked out of his house. His mom said that he can sleep outside, he shouldn't be spending time with someone like me (still don't know what she meant by that), and that i'm "just another stop on the pu**y train".
He tells her not to talk about me like that, to which she says "when you're under my roof, i'll say whatever i want about whoever i want!" so he picks up his phone, calls me, asks if he can stay at my place for a little while.
It's been seven years, we're engaged, have a dog, a cat, and a happy life.
i also plan on throwing some subtle train themes into the wedding/celebration after the end of the plague.
Hey Nick....
Angry Chicken GIF by happydogGiphyThat would be a customer we had named Nick. I'll leave his last name out to protect the stupid. He would e-mail us and always cc editor@<somenationalnewspaper>.com and most of his e-mails were things like "NOTHING FREAKING WORKS". None of the national newspapers responded, I imagine some underling just rolled his eyes and deleted them. Finally he said, fix this in 5 minutes or I cancel.
My manager says "let me see that e-mail". He responded "Thank you, I cancelled your account. We don't want customers like you anyway. If you want to contact the media, that's your call, I'll happily provide the months of threatening e-mails you sent to my staff."
He gave us months of headaches over a £45/quarter account. We definitely didn't need him.
Go to BK...
I used to work for a super nasty manager when I worked at McDonalds. This guy was horrible to us. He was constantly bullying us, crap talking us TO CUSTOMERS, and doing everything in his power to make us miserable. Well, so many people complained about him that he ended up getting fired.
New manager was great. He was super chill and understanding with us all. A couple weeks after he took over, the old douchebag comes in and starts talking about how terrible the store looks, how our service is crappier than ever, and how much this store needs him.
The new manager looked at him and said "If you don't leave, then the cops are gonna make you"
When the fool didn't move, new awesome manager stuck to his guns and called the cops. The fool is no longer allowed on any McDonalds property in the city and has a restraining order against him.
"What are you doing?"
IT services for a client of mine. They paid for me to come to their office and address a problem. 8 hrs minimum time. The issue was resolved in about 45 minutes, they'd set up something incorrectly and it was pretty obvious once I got into the system.
I was packing up to leave and the client stopped me.
"What are you doing?"
"The system is fixed so I'm headed out back to my office."
"No, I paid for 8 hours, you'll do your 8 hours. If I tell you to wash my car for 8 hours that's what you'll be doing."
"Right...so anyway, I'm leaving. I'll notify the office to send you the invoice and in all likelihood we'll no longer be working with you and withdrawing your lease on our equipment."
"Back of the queue."
I was waiting for a friend to finish work - she worked at a restaurant so fancy they had someone vetting guests at a podium outside.
The place was glitzy and the folks were glam so the great and good would descend in droves. Those with a reservation were sent in; prospective walk-ins had to queue.
A car sweeps up, the driver jumps out and holds the door open to unleash a hat and dress. The woman accompanying said finery - a C-list actress from a regional daytime TV show - looked through everyone present and moved to enter.
She froze, appalled, when the guest-vetter intercepted, asking "Do you have a reservation?"
She mustn't have heard the question because she didn't respond. Instead she drew herself up to the full height of her couture and demanded "Do you know who I am?"
"Yes" said the maitre d', "Back of the queue."
Oof.
Welded....
I started working for a welding company as an engineering manager. We were selling an extremely complex weldment (pressure tank that goes under the crapper) for 4.9K, out costs were 9.3K. The owner took the bid "to get in with this big company". The owner legit said "we'll make it up in volume"... We weren't.
Anyway the buyer for the larger company was a huge b!tch and would regularly yell on phone calls. We sent them a letter that we would honor the last 5 tanks on the current PO at the same price (I didn't even want to do that) but after that they were going up to 10K per.
She drove down with her boss the next day and demanded an explanation and threatened to pull the business. I replied that we were losing 5K per tank and couldn't do it anymore. She demanded evidence which I already had pulled up and simply turned on the projector. I said, as you can see we cannot continue to make this part at such a huge loss and I don't think anyone can make it for the original price, so if you have to pull the business we understand. "
Her boss tripped over himself cutting her off and said they weren't pulling out and actually thanked us for honoring the current PO. I didn't have many run ins with her after that.
Ok. Bye.
kenan thompson snl GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphyWhen an unhappy client threatens to go hire a better lawyer. They don't seem to get that this isn't a threat when they aren't paying me....
Oh Sweetie...
A while back, I got a job as a popcorn monkey in the local cinema, as a temporary thing while I figured out what the hell I was doing with my life.
There was a supervisor that had worked there since the site opened (around 5 years) who was a total bitch and had had numerous complaints about her from countless staff.
In the first week, I nearly quit because of her attitude - as an example one night I was on a close, and basically cleaned the entirety of the front of house on my own.
I stopped to take a drink of water and she marched up to me going "WE DON'T PAY YOU TO STAND AROUND DRINKING YOU KNOW!" to which I calmly responded that I was thirsty, and needed a drink of water, and if she wanted to tell me I wasn't allowed to have a glass of water then good luck, but I'm pretty sure health and safety would have something to say about that. She huffed about not having had a break all day, which I ignored cos not my freaking problem, but internally I was put out about it, because it was totally freaking pointless to be such a fool about things.
About 2 weeks in I get promoted to Supervisor as I was clearly extremely competent by their usual standards (I could walk and fart at the same time) but she also gets promoted to Floor Manager, so she continues to work her little power trips and try and lord it over me (and everyone else)
4 weeks after that, I get another promotion to Floor Manager, and at this point we're equals, so she can't boss me around anymore. So instead, she tries a different tack, which is to try and lord it over me with her superior knowledge of processes, where to find stuff etc.
My response is to go (saccharine sweet) "Oh thanks! That's so helpful, I mean you know how things work so much better than me, because you've been here 5 years, and I've only been here 6 weeks..."
She had a face like a smacked butt. It was delightful. :)
Boy Bye
Seth Meyers Goodbye GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphyThe first time I had dinner at my parents house after I got my own apartment. My dad was giving me grief as usual. Finally, I stood up and said, " I don't live here anymore. I don't have to put up with you this way any longer. I'm going home."
And walked out.
Most liberating moment of my life.
Never Again....
Ex and I were moving out after a breakup. cleaning out garage. she was being critical of my post-breakup plan of moving in with a coworker until i could find a better place to live, as most options weren't great.
i took a deep breath and laughed. this puzzled her. why are you laughing, she asked? i collected myself and said "because this is the last time i have to listen to this. you don't get to be critical of anything i ever do, ever again!"
it was a really great feeling, because i literally thought of the "you have no power here" as i laughed.
All that Jazz....
I'm a high school teacher who teaches a lot of senior grades and so has to deal with graduation grades, references for university, all that jazz.
I had a parent of a graduating kid in my classroom in June (after final marks were given to students but not formally reported) who was a dental surgeon in town, ran a large operation, donated a lot to local sports.... big man in a small town.
I had given his kid a mark in the high B range, and so he marched into my office and started off with the "there must be some mistake" line, which moved swiftly into the "you're going to change it because I tell you too" to "how much will it cost to get him the A". When I refused the bribe he went to "you're FIRED!!!1!1!". Not "I'm going to get you fired" but "you're fired, clean out your desk". I just asked him to leave.
Ended badly, he threatened violence, I reported him to the school admin, he's now banned from the property.
Mr. "I pay your salary so you work for me you lousy piece of s*it" was threatened with the cops by Mr RandomActPG.
"make us fill it."
dance dancing GIF by Lil DickyGiphyWoman complained we wouldn't fill her clearly fraudulent C2 prescription, brought the brand new store manager back to the pharmacy to "make us fill it."
"She says you have to fill it."
"God himself cannot make us fill anything if it fails the checks. No."
Through my Eyes....
I wasn't good at returning library books when I was a kid. I got lectured by my school librarian about it a lot.
Fast forward twenty years and I'm a supervisor at the local public library and my former now retired school librarian goes there. One day I see her sneaking around the front desk instead of coming back to say hi to me and I immediately figure something's up.
I go up to say hi and she acts exasperated and tells me she was trying to avoid me because she had overdue books.
So I put on my reading glasses, pulled them down over my nose, and delivered the same lecture she'd given me countless times about being responsible and turning in books on time.
La-Di-Da...
I told my ex I was getting remarried. He told me he was going to stop me and put a lien on my house (which I bought with my money six years after the divorce). My son would come home from visitations telling me how his dad was going to stop the wedding and I'd have to pay him all of this money, la di da. Get to court. His attorney goes blah blah blah for what felt like forever.
My lawyer (yes, I had to freaking get one) stands up and simply hands the judge the divorce papers showing the disbursement of funds and how my ex isn't owed anything. Judge looks at ex's lawyer and basically asks, "did you even ask for this document before filing?" and dismisses the case.
Brush Strokes....
A few years ago a guy stopped me in the hardware store and asked if I was a painter. I looked down at my painters whites and said, yeah I do historical restoration work. He asked how much I charge per hour, and when I told him, he immediately told me I was too expensive and dropped my rate by 25%. I had already given him my number, but he kept belittling me, and saying I wasn't worth it.
I just told him that I already had a full time job, and this would be in my off hours, so it needed to be worth my while. He finally let me leave the store, then called me 3 or 4 times, each time hemming and hawing over if he wanted to actually use me or not, he's got a bunch of properties, it would be a sweet gig, but not at those prices. And I just kept telling him that's fine, don't use me if you don't want to. Eventually I recognized his number and stopped picking up.
He really thought he had some sort of power over me, and I'd jump at the opportunity. Luckily I didn't have to take the work, I was making good enough money as it was. He would have nitpicked absolutely everything, and probably not paid me at the end anyway. But he was so certain he'd have power in the situation, that he didn't seem able to comprehend me not wanting to barter with him.
You're really minor....
I joined the Army Reserve in 1983, in between my junior and senior year in high school.
Going to drill one weekend and we were doing war games with another reserve unit.
They mailed everyone a letter with the challenge and response to be let in to the unit.
As a lowly private, I was standing guard at the entrance and had to say the challenge.
Everything's going good until a city police car pulls up and the cop is a new lieutenant. I give the challenge and he just look at me. I say it again and he said to just let him in because he didn't know it. He starts getting belligerent and I ask him to turn off the car and step out.
He gets out and starts yelling at me. The Sergeant Major heard the commotion and comes over and tears the young lieutenant a new a**hole.
It was very satisfying to watch and I learned that day that even though a 2nd lieutenant outranks a sergeant major, it really doesn't matter because the sergeant major had been in for 20 years and didn't put up with any bullcrap.
On Camera....
vintage 80s GIFGiphyObligatory not mine but this video belongs in this thread.
This is the best you don't have power here move i have ever seen lol. She was working for government, has problem sitting with baby on plane, tried to eat the job of air hostess then uno reverse card lol.
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