So if, for whatever reason, my nightmare scenario were to come true I'd be fine. Cold, probably very annoyed with my dogs, but fine since I'm alone on home turf.
Reddit user willtrent16 asked:
“ 'Go to work naked day' is now a mandatory national holiday. Which jobs have the worst outcome from this? "
I used to work with kids. 5th-8th grade kids.
I don't know if you've ever met a middle schooler but they are possibly the most terrifying predators in all of natural history. My old job working with middle schoolers gets my vote; but Reddit had some awful ideas, too!
Spicy Rain
"Welders."
- Cold-Ruin-3973
"Ooh spicy raindrops"
- saltyboi6704
"Am a welder. Tig is the only one I’d do naked haha. Mig and stick have too much spicy rain coming from them lol"
- MarionberryNo3166
"Overhead Flux would have your pecker looking like Anakin at the end of episode 3."
- BigPapaNurgle
Pink Would Stink
"Insulation installers; pink fibreglass everywhere."
- JimmyJazz1971
"As an electrical apprentice who has been crawling around an attic all day, I can comfortably say f*ck pink insulation and who made that sh*t so itchy!"
- Brothersunset
"I can feel this everywhere right now."
- TotallyInOverMyHead
On Company Time
company GIFGiphy"Septic tank divers."
"But on the upside, if they need to take a dump they can just do it without having to stop working!"
- RiddlingVenus0
"Always sh*t on company time."
- wananah
"I physically GAGGED."
- Mrs_Watzitooya
Teacher Trauma
"Grade school teachers."
- Lallner
"People who are homeschooled are freaking out right now."
- Bobbyjoethe3rd
"Specifically, brand new high school teachers."
"When I was student teaching, I was 22. I was teaching 17 and 18 year old seniors. It was bad, but it would have been even worse with no clothes."
- TheLonelySnail
The Source
glory cobra GIFGiphy"I'm a biochemist in a venom analysis lab."
"When I’m not in lab isolating venom proteins in DMSO and other chemicals that can help facilitate the passages of normally non permeable molecules through cell membranes, then I’m harvesting the venom from the source."
" 'The source' being venomous snakes."
"Blue jeans are basically the best armor that doesn’t compromise mobility. I mean, tromping through tall grass probably SHOULD mean chaps but they don’t work against large enough snakes and not getting struck at all will always be 99.999% of the effective safety practices we have developed against snake fangs."
"So even if I’m ok with wearing thinner long pants in the field I’m gonna keep that layer of mesh between my family jewels and strikes. I’ve had 2 close calls in that exact region."
- craftmacaro
Cranberry Spiders
dig in bob's burgers GIF by HULUGiphy"Working in a cranberry marsh seems like a really bad one."
"I’ve never been in a cranberry bog, but I know rice fields. If you're walking in water the goes up to your hips and it’s full of foliage or crops, it’s gonna wrap around you and it’s gonna get in some places."
"I would imagine trying to walk through a cranberry bog naked would not be fun."
- FlysDinnerSnack
"Also, cranberry bogs are filled with wolf spiders."
- Slant_Juicy
"I read an article about this that said:"
"'It turns out there’s a reason they ask prospective employees if they’re comfortable with spiders, and it’s a pretty wild one. You're going to have a hundred wolf spiders trying to climb your eyebrows during harvest.' "
"And now I want to know the spider leg quality control cut off point of cranberry products."
- CandiBunnii
"Today was the day I gave up eating all cranberry products for the rest of my life, thank you."
- dances_with_corgis
Hair Splinters
"God awful being a dog groomer. I get enough hair splinters wearing clothes…"
"Hair has a lot of structural integrity when its not long or old. It slices deep."
- Illustrious_Way_5241
"Hair splinters are SO annoying."
"I'm a Vet tech, I have to shave down pets for their surgical sites as part of the prep, I get them from that. I literally feel your pain."
- NurseMcStuffins
Nurse!
hospital hello GIFGiphy"Nurses, especially female nurses with all the creepy old men/altered mental status patients in hospitals."
- Less-Dirt-1673
"My germophobic self would rather get fired than have to go to work on this mandatory day."
- wankProcyon
An Hour
Excited Bear GIFGiphy"Kitchen work in general."
"I'm a chef. Judging by the amount of burns on my arms, I would burn my penis off in like an hour."
- atx00
"Once, at the end of working in a seasonal cooking job, I made good on my promise to show up to work in nothing but apron and Crocs."
"I lasted ten minutes on the line before bailing to get something between my skin and hot grease. So I can confirm that cooking naked is a terrible idea."
- kdubmaps
"For line cooks, the amount of time we spend bending over to reach coolers and pans and whatever would be absolutely revolting, and aprons don't solve that."
"Apparently a former cook at my job never wore underwear and while standing beside the very hot grill, it heated the zipper of his pants enough it caused some minor burns on his member."
"That is how we ended up having in the employee manual for uniforms, that the employee must wear underwear."
- tachibana_ryu
"I had a coworker that was wearing the fire retardant chef’s pants, and he accidentally leaned up against the edge of the flattop for a couple seconds."
"He was fine, he literally didn’t even feel heat, but his pants were scorched to hell."
"It probably would have been 2nd or 3rd degree through normal clothes… naked, you’d literally be cooking yourself…"
- Toss_Away_93
That's hot!
"Firefighters"
- RTwhyNot
"Use your hose! No the other one!!"
- ami2weird4u
"YOUVE TRAINED YOUR ENTIRE CHILDHOOD FOR THIS!"
- GolgiApparatus1
"There would be a lot of people attending that fire."
- lasvegaswil
Down to clown?
Eyes Reaction GIF by Sarah SquirmGiphy"Party clown, even worse if it is for a child's birthday"
- jaeger3344
"I'm not down with clowning, but where else are you inviting party clowns? Adult birthdays?"
- GavinBelsonsAlexa
"I seen clown getting hired for promoting stores and for events also"
- jaeger3344
" 'Look, children, a dachshund!' Squeaky noises 'and now it's a giraffe!' Squeaky noises 'And now it's a teddy bear!' Screams of horrified children"
- Kiyohara
"I feel like if you're hiring a party clown on the mandatory "go to work naked" day, you know exactly what you're getting. Could be their busiest time of the year"
- Lazy-Koala
Can we call in sick?
sick hey arnold GIFGiphy"As a chemist, I think I’ll just call in sick…"
- Bloorajah
"Bruh, molecular biologist checking in, I'm calling in sick too"
"I'm probably mostly EGFP positive at this point but still..."
- Durph08
"I work in a microbiology lab. Antibiotic-resistant infectious organisms galore. Right behind you."
- confictura_22
"I’m an environmental chemist. If we’re putting it in the environment it probably wouldn’t be that bad for my bare skin, right? …right?"
- aureliaxaurita
"As an industrial chemical vendor, I am also calling in sick. Partially because I don’t want to see all of the old naked men, partially because I don’t want my balls to be burned off by one thing or another."
- stepheno125
Now you see it...
"Magician"
- Corndog881
"Hey mister, where were you hiding those handkerchiefs?"
- 3CH0SG1
"Stripper Magician isn't far from it"
- HugoStiglitz007
"A stripper magician would be a wonderful addition to parties and funerals"
- calimbus
"All I can think of now is c*ck magic from south park"
- LuminaryOfTheStars15
That may be fun
Ignoring New York GIF by Muppet WikiGiphy"Jackhammer operator."
- Various_Cricket4695
"I think the unhindered jangling of your bits while operating a jackhammer would be mesmerizing. Maybe even like a fan that goes at the exact right speed so that it appears to not be moving at all."
- Absenceofavoid
"You've got a beautiful way with words"
- BrokeInService
"A co-worker took a slow-mo of me running a jumping jack. If my noodle-arm in that vid is an indicator I'd have to say it'd look hilarious"
- BrokeInService
"That sounds like a jolly ol time"
- PoeLaHa
Insecurity guard.
"I think I'd have it pretty rough as security..."
- jluponeage
"Idk nobody wants to fight the naked guy"
- somebigdog
"Might you be... insecure?"
- CallMeABeast
"Same line of work man, though on night shift sometimes I feel I'm the only one who ain't nekked"
- EricWolf
More like "no no no!"
Christmas Santa GIF by Katy PerryGiphy"Mall Santas"
- LegendEchidna
"Bravo, this one got me"
- willtrent16
"Santa brought the North Pole with him this year!"
- felixfelix
"I imagine them only wearing a hat, the beard and the boots. LMFAO horrific"
- xccrunky
"They arent supposed to be naked?"
- SexyWomanNotMan
Dressers
"Strippers. Less business that day, probably. Everyone is at Hooters."
- NoAlternative2913
"They'd be called dressers for the day."
- Kom4r
"Yeah baby put it all on."
- ParisGreenGretsch
"That's when you make a business model out of putting clothes back on slowly. If anyone comes in late they miss some of the nudity and may wanna try and pay to get something back. Who knows I can see something coming of this"
- Got_It_Memorized_22
"5D response right here"
- crubbyDoubleNuts
Sargent!
full metal jacket GIFGiphy"Military, especially in an active warzone."
- WoXihuanKoujia
"I dunno man, if a dude is crazy enough to charge at me nude my first instinct might be to run and not let the nude dude wrestle me to the ground."
- 2_Facebook_Zucks·
"General Buttnaked did exactly that."
- thorpie88
"It's genius. They'll be looking for army guys and completely skip your naked ass"
- czs5056
"Idk why I found this so funny. But I immediately thought of the fact that instead of hearing the ominous sound of a thousand people marching with those heavy military boots it would be a thousand of the slaps you get when you run with bare feet"
- Lobi-Wan
So... Florida man?
"Alligator feeder at zoo"
- triniazhole
"This is normal in Florida, it's hot and Florida man aint got time to get dressed before wrangling him some gator."
- 2_Facebook_Zucks
"This is normal in Florida" is not a very convincing argument."
- TheUnholyRomanEmpire
"I live there; can confirm"
- TchaikenNugget
"Eh, is that beige vest and those khaki shorts really gonna make the difference between a pay check and death?"
- Current-Area-4291
Reddit brings up a lot of good points and fun new things for me to have anxiety induced nightmares about.
What other jobs would you add to the naked nightmare list?
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